01x08 - Puttergeist/

[bunniefuu]

They're creepy and they're kooky

Mysterious and spooky They're all

together The Addams Family

Their house is a museum Where people come

to see 'em They really are a street

The Addams Family

Neat Sweet

So get a witch's shawl on A

fruit stick you can crawl on We're gonna

pay a crawl onThe Family

They're creepy and they're creepy

Mysterious and spooky They're all

together spooky The Addams

Family

That's it. That's it. Now just a little

bit lower. Ish.

I feel more tense already. Wonderful,

darling. I know how much you enjoy it

when Lurch walks on your back.

Step it up, Lurch, old boy. The old lower

lumbar feels a bit relaxed.

Hey, Morticia, guess what I'm going to be

dressed as this Halloween?What, Uncle

Fester?

Charcoal. But that's the same

thing you do every year. Hey, you're

right. How about this one?

Oh, Mama. Ashes.

How clever. No one will ever

recognize you, Uncle Fester, dear.

Gomez, darling. Is it all right if Lurch

stops long enough to sweep up Uncle

Fester?Of course, Tish.

See you in an hour, Lurch, and bring your

tap shoes. Oh, no.

Oh, darling, it's Halloween time.

How can you just lie there on the floor,

silently writhing in agony?

Oh, deepest apologies, my love. How

can I make this up to you?Move around a

little so we can all enjoy your screams

of pain. Of course, Carita. Oh,

bonus. Oh, the

perfect beginning to another festive

Halloween night. Tish, you're right.

And do you know what that means?Oh,

yes. We forgot to chisel a decorative

jack-o-lantern face into the back of

Uncle Fester's head. Thank you, Thing.

No, my dear. It's time for Granny to

tell the story. Did someone say it's time

to tell the story?He did. Oh,

good. Well,

I was just a young bowling groupie who

enjoyed cleaning out my belly button with

the pin setter. Yes, that's when I saw

him. Oh, what a man. Not that

story, Granny. The Halloween

story. Oh, oh,

yes, that story. Children, come

here, please. Not again.

Yes, Mother?Pugsley and I are about to

perform our science experiment on

velocity. Yeah! Let her rip!

No, No no no You two can't do an

experiment like that! Ow! We can't,

Father?Darn! Of course not! You

cackled. Lurchill boy, we

need a stronger wall. Yes,

Mr. Adams.

Uh ha! That's better, Lurch. Now

try it, my little abomination. Let's go!

Wait, Papa. Thank

you for your assistance.

Yeah! Thanks, Dad.

Now, gather round and listen to

the story of the Pottergeist.

Not again. Must we endure

the same story year after year?

Yeah, aren't we a little too all for it?

Now, children, the puttergeist is real.

Not like those creatures that supposedly

live in Uncle Fester's laundry hamper.

Darling, there are creatures living in

Uncle Fester's hamper. There are?

Well, if they're anything like Uncle

Vermin, they'll love nesting in his

perspiration-stained pillowcases. And can

we get on with the story?

Yeah. Well, it all started.

Granny psychic hotline.

In order to answer that, I'll have to

read the bumps on my assistant's head.

OK. Oh, Fester. You

called Fester Adams. How am

I supposed to tell the future if your

head doesn't have any bumps on it?I'll

take care of it.

Let's see.

Hello, caller. Are you there?

Hi, Vestra Adams. Why are

you calling me?I'll use any excuse

to visit Norm's Watch woodpeckers.

They're always good for a few lumps.

OhhAnd

now let the story begin.

Children, it's time to put your toys away

and listen. Oh, all right, Mother.

If you really want us to. It

all began 40 years ago on

Halloween night. A

raging thunderstorm swept across the

Happydale Heights golf course when

a foolish golfer made his way across the

course that dark night.

But later, while trying to sink a

putt on the 13th hole,

disaster struck

and the foolish golfer was

no more.

An eerie, ominous creature rose up and

rode the golf course.

And

ever since then. The puttergeist

returns to Happydale Heights every

Halloween night, searching for his

lost head. How

horrible it must have been. A headless

golfer on a stormy night. Indeed.

Let's hear it again, Granny.

Father, you know that Concrete Head and I

don't believe in the puttergeist. Yeah,

and besides, we're supposed to go

trick-or-treating with NJ. Uh, yes, going

door-to-door and being pelted with rocks

and garbage. Our neighbors have always

treated us so nicely. Yeah, and Uncle

Fester digs licking the inside of their

pumpkins. Oh, you kids go on without me.

I'm going trick-or-treating at the

funeral parlor. Lou always gives out

cups of embalming fluid. I'm going to get

there early before he runs out.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad. See you later.

In the words of Aunt Daddy-o,

those cool Adams cats have blown the

scene. That's beat poetry

from the 50s. Speak some more. Anything.

Anything. Downer. Drag. Come on. Too far

gone. Anything. Giddy. Oh,

Norman. Oh, Norman. You and Widow

Normie cut such impressive figures in

your matching Norman Ware costumes. No

wonder you married him, Mom. Thank

you, son. Pretty snazzy, huhAnd they've

got a snugger fit than those Adobe boxers

I wore last year. You see?No chafing.

Goody, our first trick-or-treaters.

Ooh, let me give them their scoop of your

world-famous potato salad, my little

vegetable medley. Of course, Knuckle

cr*cker.

Trick-or-treat. Don't

look, dear. Now kids are dressing up like

those Adams. Ew. It's

Wednesday and Pugsley. We're going

trick-or-treating together. Come on in,

you two. It's been a long time since you

slammed the door in our face, Mr. Norman

Meyer. We missed it. Nice costume,

NJ. You look good in a designer label.

Thanks.

Oh, just give him the potato salad before

he grabs you.

Come on, you guys. Maybe we'll see the

puttergeist. The puttergeist.

Surely you believe not in that story,

friend NJ. I'm afraid she's right, son.

Aren't you a little too old for that?

Aren't you the one who believes in the

under elves?Hey, that's different.

Their secret dance around your bed marks

the beginning of the Elastic Festival,

you little boy. Come on,

you guys.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad. We'll see you later.

Those Adam's children are so weird.

You're right, Prune Pit. Why can't they

be normal like everyone else in town?

Trick or treat. How cute. They're

wearing matching his and hers costumes of

our town mascot. Happy the oven

mip. Here's a scoop of potato salad for

you and you.

You don't actually believe in this putter

geist, do you, NJ?Sure, don't you,

Pugsley?Not

really.

What's that?

It's the Pottergeist.

Wow, I think he's stuck. Hmm

I thought his head was a golf ball, not a

tennis ball. Let's pull him out, youguys.

Uncle Fester. Hiya, hoes heads.

Oh, Uncle Fester dressed as the

puttergeist. You realize what this means,

don't you, Pugsley?Yeah. Dad's gonna have

to get a new golf cart. No brain gone.

That means we were right all along. Oh,

yeah. Then I guess the Pottergeist isn't

real. Dear, sweet NJ,

I know this discovery must leave you

stunned, heartbroken, an empty

shell of a human being. Oh, how I

envy you. I can't believe that you're the

Pottergeist, Uncle Fester. Well, I'm

not. I was just trying to

surprise everyone with my new Halloween

costume. I didn't mean to smash into that

tree. You didn't?

No. I thought I might park my

cart on the train tracks and wait for the



now. If I hurry, I can still make my

train before someone else grabs my spot

on the tracks. Whoa, I'm here.

Hey, that means maybe the Potter guy's

just for real. Now, NJ,

you know that.

Not again. Fire! Fire!

The putter, guys! And he's heading foryour

house!

Nice return, dear.

Uh-huh Wow, Tish!That's ten

games you've beaten me. But, darling,

with your arms bound like that, all you

can do is lose. You're right, Tish.

That's not fair of me. Next time, we'll

chain you up. You're such a good sport,

Querido. Ohh Tish,

chains... chains can't hold me when you

speak exotic languages. Querido!

The putter guy...

Darling, when's the last time someone

drove their car through our house?Not

since Lurch used to park that dune bug in

his bedroom.

Did you see him?It was the Pottergeist.

NJ. There are no such things as headless

ghosts. Somebody is obviously just

pretending, right thing?

Well, it looked real to me. Darling,

maybe the Pottergeist is really a

headless member of the Addams Family. By

Jove Tish, you're right. He does remind

me of Uncle Gonner that time he tried to

saw those barnacles off his neck. Well, I

suppose there's only one way to get to

the bottom of this, right, Pugsley?How's

that, Wednesday?We need to capture the

puttergeist so we can unmask him. You

can't catch the puttergeist. That's

like catching Santa Claus or the Easter

Bunny. Thanks, Wednesday.

Besides, where are you going to find him?

At the Happydale Heights Golf Course.

Follow me.

The first thing to do in order to find

this puttergeist is for Pugsley to stop

burying me in the sand. Oh, all

right. Look, you two. We are not

going to catch the puttergeist. NJ. For

the last time, there's no such thing

as a puttergeist.

It's him. Not again.

Thanks, Friend Thing. Score one for the

home hand.

Beware, all who dare enter the

vein of the Pottergeist. See, you didn't

think he existed, but here he is,

threatening our lives. Excuse me, Mr.

Puttergeist, but I don't approve of your

behavior. Right. What do you mean?You go

out of your way to threaten us, and our

friend Thing is forced to just watch.

Come on, be a sport and threaten him

too. Oh, very well. Have it your

way. Come here, finger goblin.

Feel better, Thing.

Wonderful. And now you must pay for

disturbing me.

If I knew he was charging admission, I

would have stayed home and scraped out

Uncle Fester's trench coat for free.

You'll have to excuse my brother. His

brain got tired of him and moved out a

long time ago. How

are we going to get out of here, you guys?

Simple, NJ Pugsley. Would you care to

favor us with your Uncle Gusty

impersonation?Sure, Wednesday. Huh

Let's go. Oh,

here he comes. Quick, Wednesday, step on

it. Pugsley, you know neither of us has a

driver's license. Great. Now

what do we do?

Oh, yeah, you have a license, don't you

thing?We forgot about your days on the

Grand Prix circuit.

Stop! Hudsley, I appreciate the

gesture, but it will have to wait.

Oh, all right.

Cousinette, I didn't know you playedgolf.

You don't?What are you doing here then?

Well, I swear I knew a girlfriend.

Oh, you want to show your girlfriend how

your hair stands on end when you're

struck by lightning?

Here, this antenna should help. Au

revoir.

Oh, I smell singed hair.

You're so romantic. You really

know how to put a girl in the mood.

Fang, pull over. What's wrong?Oh,

nothing, NJ. I just wanted to plant one

of Pugsley's land mines here. Which one?

All of them. Cool. Come on, Thing.

Yeah, they're buried.

Hey, look, I found another one. It's a

shame to let it go to waste. You'reright.

Bingo.

He doesn't sound too good. Don't worry.

Thing's helping him down.

Oh, no! Not

bad! Hey, look, he's missing his golf

ball. Mr. Norman

Meyer! Dad?

Sad. Seems like you caught me with my

hand in the underwear drawer. But the

puttergeist?Son,

let me tell you something about the

puttergeist. It's been in the family for

years. That's right, years. The legend

began with Grandpa Norman Meyer. He

started the story, and when people didn't

believe it, he made the costume and the

legend began. Later, he handed the

costume down to my father, and he handed

it to me. You mean there's no such thing

as the puttergeist?I'm afraid not,

son. You're not mad at me, are

you?Oh, Dad, I really believed

in him. I should have listened to

Wednesday and Pugsley. I know you're

disappointed, NJ, but you owe a lot to

your dad, doesn't he, Pugsley?

But he purposely misled me, made me look

like a fool, and then he shattered my

dreams. Well, that alone is enough to be

grateful for. But your dad did more than

that. He gave you something to believe

in. Something to believe in. The

main reason your dad kept the myth up is

because it meant so much to you and it

was a family tradition. Isn't that right,

Mr. Norman Meyer?

What?Oh, I mean, yes, I sure did.

I rode around in this cart for you and

family tradition. And when I startled

people, they. Well, let's just say it was

good for the underwear business. When you

put it that way, Dad. Thanks.

Well, guys, looks like you were right.

There is no pottergeist. But, MJ,

we weren't concerned with being correct.

Yeah, we're just glad everything turned

out OK for you, MJ.

Dad, you can stop now, OK?It wasn't

me, son.

Whoa, did you see that?It was the

Pottergeist. He really does

exist. Uh-huhTrick

or treat.

Thank you. Oh, Gomez.

Uh, Tish, what a night. Every time we

open the door, it's another horrifying

ghoul or goblin. Oh, darling, why

can't every night be Halloween?Hey,

guys, Lurch is taking me out back to Bob

for apples. But Fester, you don't like

bobbing for apples. Yeah, but sinking to

the bottom of the pond is a real safe of

mine. And I'm sure Lurch

loves throwing you in as much as you love

sinking.

Oh, darling, look at the children.

They've discovered the joy of the

puttergeist spirit. That's right, Mother.

Pugsley and I are taking turns wandering

blindly around the house with an

oversized golf ball on our heads. Right,

Pugsley?

Right. By Jove Tish, they do have the

spirit. This calls for an Addams

Family dance. How about the flaming

cheese stomp?But, Fester, you've never

run for Congress. Oh, yeah. Umm

I got it. Aunt Queasy's porcelain

tango. A-1 idea,

Fester. Larch, the music.

Caramia, you lead. And I'll

flush.

I love that big finish, don't

you?