01x09 - F.T.V.

[bunniefuu]

They're creepy and they're kooky

Mysterious as kooky They're all

together kooky The Addams Family

Their house is a museum Where people come

to see 'em They really are a stream The

Addams Family

Neat. Sweet.

Petite. So get a witch and shawl on

A broomstick you can crawl on We're gonna

pay a call onThe Addams Family

They're creepy and they're kooky

Mysterious and spooky They're all

together spooky The Addams

Family

Faster.

Mommy.

Darling, please don't rinse. Why, love?

It's like you have hoof and mouth all

over again. Tish. As my mouth

foams with toothpaste, so foams my heart

with love. Hey, Gomez. Morticia,

get a gander at what me and Larch found.

Norman Meyer. Skulking around the

premises again, eh, old boy?I like your

style. Not to mention your tailor.

Have to love them. What's that?

I said one of these days I'll have you

and your sick, demented family run

out of town on a rail. How thoughtful.

Oh, my Husker do. I've been looking for

you everywhere. Hey, Mrs. L,

how's it good?What's the big idea tying

up my husband?Just one of those little

favors us pals do for each other, you

know?I mean, he tries to pulverize me

with his bare hands and I tie him

up. You release him right now or I'll

call the homeowner's association

lickety-split. Oh, well, who will I

play with into the wee hours?Why not

ask one of those other Adam sickos?

Capital idea?OK, but

only if you promise to go with me to the

zoo tomorrow. Give me that. See you

bright and early, you tickling

fool. Goodbye.

Hey, Gomez. Norm's right. Wanna

relive our safari days and shrink my head?

Always, brother. But I promised my pet

I'd read her the next two chapters of

Uncle Spore's Fungi of the World. Uh, the

way Gomez reads each page. It's

as if Uncle Spore were here with us in

the room. Well, he was until Lurch hosed

out the underside of the bed. What

is it, dear?See for yourself, Tish.

Lurch, old boy. Just look at this

mattress. Yes, it's entirely too

comfy.

Is that all?Well, my back's been

stiffer.

Oh, Gomez. Better, dear.

Better?Why, I'm in excruciating

pain. Oh, good. I love it when

you scream in your sleep.

Thank you, Lurch. Hey, Lurchy,

you want to dabble in a little late-night

sheep toss with your old bosom bunkie?

No way. Oh,

buckets. No one wants to play with

me. I am just a lonely boy.

It's good to ruckus with friends and

family, old boy. But you need to learn to

enjoy your time alone as well.

Really?Like when I sit in my closet and

pull the buttons off my coats with my

teeth?Exactimo.

As little Uncle Green used to say,

metzigfatong. Tish, that's Martian. Do

your thing wrong. Oh, speak some more,

whatever it is. More Martian tish.

Fester, dear, why don't you make that

your little project tonight?It will be

good for you. Gotta be.

Oh, got it, got it, got it. She's right,

brother. Be a staff fellow and enjoy your

time alone. You can do it.

Good night. Enjoy my

time alone. Enjoy my

time alone. Oh, Gomez.

I'll have those mediums to you by

Tuesday. Fester,

how did you get in here?Oh, through the

hole in the middle of your living room

floor. But we don't have a hole in our

floor. You do now. Well, actually,

normal pal, I came over for a little

advice. How about drop dead?

I wish it were that easy. I don't know.

Morticia says I need to learn how to

enjoy my time alone. And what are you

going to do with that bandage when you're

done with it?Get away.

Why don't you read a book or watch TV by

yourself on another continent forever?

TV?Yeah. Now you're

cooking with gas. Oh, thanks,

Palarama. Wow,

TVI knew I could count on you when I'm

down. Oh, this is just great.

There they are, Blinky boy. Not to worry.

Let's just be glad he's gone. Oh,

you're right, Tar Muffin. It's not worth

it. We can decontaminate the house

tomorrow.

Hold me. Hey, you

got any of that spray cheese in a can

around here?Uh,

that Norm. What a rough and tumble kind

of guy. Have to love him.

Coming up next, our pal the Dish Rag

with special guest star Happy the Oven

Mitt. Uh, great. I've already

seen this episode. It's Al's Mowing

World with me, Al.

Today I'll show you how to give new life

to that old shag carpet.

Not. The Food

Container Shopping Network.

You're watching the Happy Broadcasting

System from pleasantly nice Happy Dale

Heights. We're happy. Are you?

No way, Jose. What's with this

city?They don't even have a decent TV

show. Why, I could

do a better job. Yeah.

Whee! Carried!

Ohh Jolted from a sound sleep by

demented relatives. What a wonderful way

to start the day. Karami.

Man, I just missed those rocks.

sh**t.

Good! Dear uncle. What

mischief have you devised this morning?

Behold, my old satellite

TV station. Yes.

Whoa. That's wonderful.

And I owe it all to the

underwear man himself. Norm.

What are you talking about?

Well, thanks to you, Chief. Oh,

get away. Our fine city will now have

television you can sink your teeth into.

Say, I like the sound of this. Today I

launch FTV. All fester,

all the time. Cool. Can we help?

I was counting on it, actually.

Oh, it will be just like the time we all

buried Uncle Garner's roller rink.

I could do my own show. Oh, and

Father, we

could do a dance show. Capital idea.

Wait a minute. A hopeless pinhead like

you run a TV station?Yeah. Why, never in

my whole life have I heard of anything

more ridiculous, more idiotic, and and

bizarre. I knew

you'd approve, but wow, your

enthusiasm overwhelms me.

Why'd you do that?You can't have much of

A satellite TV station without a

satellite, right, old laundry partner?

Come along, my lovely cadavers and

cadaverettes. We have a station to run.

It's not worth it. For once, Lurch, we

agree.

Norman Myers. Hey, Normster, I think

I finally found my itch. TV

stationist. Wrong number.

But with all this new pressure, I'll be

needing your advice more than ever. We'll

be talking all the time. Won't that be

great?No.

What?I was wondering, should my

meteorologist be one of those scientific

types or one of those wacky, obnoxious

ones?I got to go, Fester. I got

another call. Hello. Now, sorry

to interrupt me, but I have another

question. Tell him

I'm not here. No, I know how you

feel. Sometimes I'm not where I am

either. Out. Oh, yes.

Whee.

He's history. If it's the last thing I

do, Vester's history.

Oh, happy day. I got it. My

satellite works. Do your thing, brother.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

vertebrates and invertebrates,

FTV is on the air.

Now witness, if you dare, our first

show, starring your favorite eight-foot

butler, that perky bundle of fun.

Ask Lurch.

Is the caller on the line?Uh, yes.

Go ahead, you're on the air. Lurch, my

girlfriend and I had a terrible argument

last night. She said she never wanted to

see me again. I just don't know what to

do.

ohh Thank you. Thank you so much.

Friend Lurch, you are indeed a poet.

Next caller, please. Hello?You're on the

air. How would you recommend cooking

liver in a non-stick pan?Ew.

Ask Lurch. We'll be right back.

Tired of your regular vacations?

Tired of the same old peaceful scenic

trip year after year?Then kiss the

mundane goodbye. Call Uncle Garner's

Travel Agency today for that vacation

with A twist. Marvel at the

majestic beauty of the Grand Canyon.

Behold the Titanic wonder of Niagara

Falls.

Relive the elegance of the Orient Express

orYou dare discover the

behind-the-scenes reality that made Gary

Indiana famous.

Uncle Gorner's Travel Agency. Call now.

Now that's rich. If you've got a problem,

he's there. He's good. He's not

breathing. He's the dead detective.

Dead detective. Someone's robbing the

blood bank.

Oh, woe is us. Whatever shall we do?

Whoops! Gotcha!

Our hero!

There's no escaping the dead

detective tonight at 8. Oh,

darn. But coming up, it's the

Louie the Leech Hour. You'll laugh,

you'll cry, you'll thrill at Louie as he

just sits there. For the next hour,

only on FTZ. Uh-oh.

Can you believe this hogwash?Shh.

I think I saw Louie flinch. Oh, that's

rich. Don't tell me you like this trash.

Oh, no, of course not. It's just that

Louie's kind of cute for a slug.

That does it. It's time I put Fester out

of his misery and ours.

Adam sickos.

Hello, Fester. Yes, yes

Ew. How would you like it if

I took over your station?You?

President of FTV?Pinch

me. I must be dreaming. It's no dream

fest. I'm dead serious. Pitch me

anyway, please. Ohh

I'd really like to start today. Okie

dokie, Smokey. We got a deal.

Glad to hear it. Like the tartar on my

teeth, my bond for you grows stronger and

stronger. I got to

tell the brood the good news. You don't

actually intend to help that disgusting

creature, do you, Donkey Face?Oh, I'll

help him. All right, help him right out

of business. Once he gives me complete

control of the station, I'll run it into

the ground. Fester will be ruined,

embarrassed, annihilated.

For Pete's sake, French dips simmer down.

He's the new chief cook and bottle washer

around here. Whatever the big N says,

go. Wasn't it your farsighted vision that

launched the All Underwear Network, the

biggest failure in Happy Dale Heights

television history?

Oh, well, well, sorta. You're right,

Fester. We couldn't be in better hands.

Glad to have you on board, Governor.

Careful, Chief Co. This box is

the nerve center of FTV.

Oh, is it now?Umm It's the

high band communications uplink to our

satellite. It's also a great toaster

oven. Wanna taste my strudel?

Ew, not on a bat.

Do not touch. What's this button

for?Whatever you do, don't push it.

The satellite will fall from the sky,

causing untold destruction and

devastation. I'm saving it for a special

occasion. Oh,

I see. Oh, say,

isn't that a six car pile up?

Cool. Where?

Show me

the record. Oh yeah, baby, come on down.

Oh, buckets. Just another Johnson

BBQ. Well, I guess my eyes aren't what

they used to be.

Who's in charge of this TV station?Here's

the big cheese, Miss Mayor. My pal. No.

I'm sorry, Sir, but because of you,

Happydale Heights is in a citywide panic

of mass hysteria. Not 10 seconds on the

job and the man's already making his

mark. What?What I do?It's your

satellite. It's falling out of orbit and

heading straight for the city. We're all

in danger of being incinerated.

Congratulations. Oh, that's wonderful.

What a great. I want to be

first. No, me. Way to go,

Normster.

Look, the satellite must be falling

closer. Louie's getting fuzzy.

Are you sure it's not mold or

fine city incinerated?Just

like that meatloaf last lawn furniture

day.

Darling, we can burn marshmallows like

our night on Mount Vesuvius. Uh,

querida. The bag is in the pantry.

But it's not my fault. I

don't know how to launch a satellite.

Hey, you want someone who knows math,

science, and and astrophysics like... Oh,

yes. Like him.

Can I have this?Faster. Ew.

Give us just a second, will you?

Fester, can we talk?

Well, I actually prefer to communicate by

smoke signals, but OK,

Fester, I can't take the credit for your

genius, but I want you to. No, you

don't. You launched the satellite. You

should get all the glory. I thought I

could handle the fame and the fortune,

but I was wrong. The pressure is just

too much. Oh,

don't be blue, my little pokey-o. If

you're in a jam, I'll be your peanut

butter. You mean you'll be

president of FTV again?I'll do it for

you, Norm. But your shoes will be hard

to fill. Faster. Whoa!

Great. Here's the man you're

looking for. He did it. It's him. All

him. Not me. This is just great. Oh,

where were you the night of the 14th?In

the hospital, having a hernia operation.

You had a hernia removed?No, put

in. Say, could you make that light a

little brighter?Do you know how to stop a

satellite like this from falling?

No, but I can show you how to store

gravel in your cheeks. Well, now that

you've found the culprit, you won't be

needing us in the way, will you?

You'll never bother me again. Fester.

Yeah, Fester. Yes. I

told you it would work. Now that

satellite is Fester's problem. Everyone

will blame him when it falls. Guess

who'll never bother me again?Fester.

Yeah, Fester. Yes. Sing with me, honey.

Dear, do you hear something?

It's not worth it. I think we

need to move.

More coffee, dear.

Here's your share of ticket sales for

today. Thanks. It all goes into my Norm

times, you knowOnly four more months and

you'll have enough to build that nice Mr.

Norman Meyer a new home. Wait until he

sees the underwater bowling alley.

Fester, we can't thank you enough for

what you've done for this city. Ever

since the Greater, tourism in Happydale

Heights has tripled. Businesses all over

town are doing better than ever. Just

trying to be a good citizen. Hiya, Norm.

Looking good. I understand it pulls even

more tourists than the Denture Museum.

Hard to believe, but true. You know,

I learned an important lesson today. I

just wish I could remember what it was.

You learned that anything can happen when

you enjoy time with yourself.

Yeah, that. And never use bubble gum

as a major design component in a

geosynchronous satellite.

This resounding success calls for a

family dance. Care to join us, Mayor?I'd

love to. How about the

potato minute?Nah,

she's too tall. How about Uncle Himiny's

big and she winds up?Full's-eye, brother.

Tish, prepare the cottage cheese. Come

along, my little Dwight. It's a family

dance. Oh,

joy of joy.

My mayor?You've done this before,

haven't you?Good night,

Puffcake. Good night, Beefchunk. Nighty

night, Buckwheat. Shut up. Oh, have to

love 'em.