01x10 - Itt's Over

[bunniefuu]

They're creepy and they're kooky,

mysterious as kooky. They're all

together kooky, The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum where people come

to see 'em. They really are a stream, The

Addams Family.

Neat. Sweet.

Petite. So get a witch's shawl on,

a fruit stick you could crawl on. We're

gonna pay a ball on The Addams

Family.

They're creepy and they're kooky,

mysterious and spooky. They're all

together spooky, The Addams

Family.

Prepare yourself, Pugsley.

It's time to kick in the turbos.

Oh, yeah! Do it! And now

for the coup de grace, Pugsley.

Stop! What are you

two doing?We're sorry, Father.

We didn't think you'd mind. Mind?

Of course I mind!

Yes! Yeah!

Let her rip, my lovely little atrocity.

Roger, Moanpapa.

Now that's the way to enjoy a wreck.

Darling, that last crash shook the whole

house. Look what happened to my portrait

of Uncle Skidmark. Our

crash did that

Tish. It's a masterpiece, a perfect

likeness. I can almost see him lying by

the side of the road as a car zooms away.

Oh, Gomez.

Am I too late to obliterate mine?Of

course not, Uncle Fester.

Oh, boy. Do I know how to blow up a

train or what?

Uncle Fester, what's that on your head?

Oh, I was just standing under the power

line, waving up at the vultures. No, it

looks like hair. Hair. You're

kidding me, Morticia. I don't have any

any

Hey, hair. Get it off. Get it off.

Quick lurch. An emergency buffing.

There. Ouch!

Is it better?Can't say

it is, old man. They seem to be growing

there. Oh, ow!

What am I gonna do?Don't worry, Uncle

Fester. It's probably just a phase you're

going through. Yeah, I hope so.

Oh, no!

Fester, dear, are you all right?

Am I ever?That was fun.

Gomez, what do you know about barbering?

Well, I learned everything I know from

Uncle Axe Adams, the executioner. Yeah,

but he usually takes too much off the

top. Make it tighter,

Gomez. Don't want those hairs going down

your collar, ehNo, I just like

watching my face turn blue in the mirror.

Thank you, Thing.

Hey, Thing, want to give a happy fella in

a trench coat a shave?

Not. How come there's no hair falling?

Well, evidently you have not only a hard

head, you have hard hair. Oh,

darn.

Uh-huh, uh-huhCan we change the channel,

Dad?You've been watching your Festercam

all day, and he's been plunging his head

for the last half hour. I know. I'm

tired of that loser bugging me. With

my Festercam, he won't be able to come

near the house without me knowing about

it. Hey, Norm, this

plunger isn't working. Can I borrow your

weed whacker?How'd you get in here?

I came up through the pipes in the

bathroom. I

know. It's this hideous hair. The

only things you're used to seeing on my

head are insects. And I'll bet he wants

your help, Dad. That's right. My

favorite roofing companion, you're always

there when I need you. Like when I was

depressed and you went out of your way to

push me off that cliff.

Nice try, Norm, but it's still

here. I

hope you're successful, Uncle Fester.

Don't worry, Morticia. Remember how well

it worked when I grew that blue arm?

Besides, just think how much fun Wurch

will have dragging Fester around the

neighborhood. A lucky dog. Do

your thing, brother.

On your mark, get set,

go.

Oh, darn. This is awful.

My lack of hair is part of my

personality. Me without baldness is like

a monkey without a golf club. Chin up,

Uncle Fester. Yeah, maybe Granny

can help.

That tickles.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, give me a home where tarantulas

roam.

Oh, Iron Maiden, won't you close on me?

Thank you.

Ah, yes, yesI

see baldness. Uncle

Fester?No, Pugsley.

Come on, Wednesday, hurry up.

Ohh I see more

boredness. Mine?No

lurch.

I see.

Granny's psychic hotline.

No, Granny's Cold Slaw Emporium is

closed. This is now Granny's psychic

hotline. Now, where was

I?I see hair.

Lots and lots of hair.

Not you, Fester. Cousin It

just came in.

Uh-huhOpportunity knocks. Who knows more

about hair than Cousin It?He certainly

knows how to keep it. Perhaps he knows

how to lose it. Oh, cousin Itt,

I know I've traveled you many times for

the honor of gnawing the burrs out of

your coif. Caster, that's French. Get

away from me. Go talk to your wife.

Oh, yeah, right. Cousin Itt, I throw

myself upon the mercy of your split ends.

Tell me how to get rid of this hair. No,

talk to you. I'll turn you. Oh, dear.

It's classified government information.

God on me. Another bureaucratic

cover-up. You government

agents are all alike. Three-foot-tall

ba*ls of unfeeling fur, and after all

those times, I licked your drivewayclean.

Oh, fine. I'll just figure this out on my

own, huh

Oh,

darn. It's not

working, Thing. I can't freeze

it off either. I tried Velcro,

fish scales, and hiring that long

strowman with the peg leg, but nothing

works. OK, I'm just staring, Velcro.

Go away, cousin. I'm not speaking to you.

And neither is Thing. Well, even if he

had a mouth, he wouldn't speak to you.

Oh, I say

that too. I don't take a shower tomorrow.

What?You'll tell me the hair-removing

formula, even though it's classified?

Thanks, cuz. Wait a

minute. You could lose your many

government perks and privileges,

including that 10% discount at the

lumberyard. You you'd

do that for me?

Oh, damn!What's the camera checkup?

Oh, the camera. That's just my buddy Norm

being enthralled by my every move. Hi,

Norm. Hey,

Pasta. Oh, I hate

him. I've added a

few special touches to the formula,

except the most important ingredient of

all, the garnish.

And now let's make sure that everyone

gets to enjoy the festivities. Hold this,

cousin it.

Hey, everybody, wake up. Come down and

watch my hair fall out.

Ohh What happened, Uncle Fester?

Did you discover a formula for baldness?

Uh, for short pistachios. I can't take

credit for it. I owe it all to my...

because of it.

Poor cousin it. Are you sure about

this, Uncle Fester?Well, here's the

spilled hair removing formula. It's

glasses. It's a hat. There's

no question. Cousin It has gone

off to meet that big wig maker in the

sky. We haven't had a family tragedy like

this since Uncle Garner caught the

plague. What was tragic about that, dear?

I didn't catch it. This is all my fault.

Thanks to my new and improved formula,

Cousin It's been de-haired. And

apparently that's all there was to him.

I hear. I swear that I'll never add

garnish to another formula as long as

I live. Fester's in

trouble. Fester's in trouble.

That's nice, Chapelpuff. Wait a minute.

What's wrong with me?After all, we are

neighbors. I should be neighborly and

do something. Good idea, Donut Hole.

I know. I'll make things worse.

These are all of Cousin It's worldly

possessions. This is all there

is. Well, it always did like the

travel light. Do you

suppose this was for his neck or his

head?I didn't know it had a neck, but

come to think of it, I was never sure if

it had a head either. Have you noticed

how this has affected the children?

You're history, sis. Well, now that you

mentioned it, Pugsley's aim is a little

off. Your

tea.

Oh, Lurch, what am I going to do?I

miss Cousin Itt already, and his

dandruff came in so handy for those

skiing jaunts down in the basement.

Fester old boy, we know just how you

feel. No, you don't. Cousin Itt was

closer to me than any other cousin,

except for Cousin Leech. Whatever

happened to him anyway?

Yes. You aren't

Fester Adams, are you?Over

there.

Dear, the police are here to see Uncle

Fester. They probably want to use him as

a crash test dummy again. That ought to

cheer him up. That's him, officer. He

did it. He k*lled Cousin Hairball.

Arrest him. Ditto, Norm. Lock me up

and throw away the key. I deserve to rot

in jail. Fester wants to rot in

jail. Oh, Gomez, he must be starting to

feel better already. He's got that old

Adams verve back. Fester Adams, you're

under arrest for the disappearance of

cousin At. That's it. What's it?

My cousin. He demised, and I'm the

culprit.

Fester's going to jail. Fester's going

to jail. Cara Mia, I just

realized Fester's about to become a

convicted felon. Do you know what that

means?A proud Adams tradition

lives on.

Actually, a thought occurs to me. You

remember where Mom and Dad stashed the

extra harpoons?No, mini mind.

We must hasten to the basement and

examine the scene of the alleged crime to

aid our troubled uncle.

Right behind you, sis.

I have a theory, Pugsley, but we'll need

to see if Uncle Fester's formula works.

OK, join me for an experiment.

Well, notice anything?

Yeah, that was fun.

No stump for brains. Your

hair. It's not falling out.

Our cousin It may still be alive.

See if you can pick up Cousin It's scent

thing.

Bingo! Come on, Pudsley! Hold it,

Wednesday! I'm working my way over to

those spikes in the corner! Later, Plato!

Adams!You've been chewing on

these bars again, haven't you?Well, I

just felt compelled to gnaw them just

once more for old time's sake. Get over

there and stop causing trouble. What a

grouch. They won't let you chew on the

bars. They won't let you stick your

tongue in the keyhole. HuhThis really is

prison. Hey, Punk, we don't

like harmonicas, and we don't like

you.

Have

I had enough yet?No.

I think you need a little more. Good.

Hey, I know just how to finish myself

off.

Wow, you got dynamite in there?Nah,

it's something about my body chemistry

and prison chili. I'm self detonating.

I guess I shouldn't have went back for

seconds.

Uh, friend Thing enjoys the thrill of the

hunt.

Huxley, do you know what this means?Uh,

Thing wants a cup of coffee?No, idiot

Central. Cousin It could be in there.

Forward h*. Oh,

boy. Doughnuts.

Ew. What's wrong?These doughnuts are

fresh. Tis a

mixed up world we live in. Thing.

You must be in error. Cousin It isn't

here. He's

under there.

I'll find him.

You don't have to destroy the place. We

can slide this out of the way.

Oh, that's no fun.

Thank you, Thing.

It's Cousin Ed. Maybe he's a prisoner.

It would appear he's not the only one.

Nice of you both to tag along, Norman

Meyer. I know. Both myself and my little

cheese fryer are looking forward to

standing on the outside of the bars and

laughing in Fester's face. Aren't we

dear?With all our hearts, grievy zapper.

Good show, old man. We'll enjoy that.

Gomez, it's so gloomy, dark, and

rat infested in here. Get away.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?Yes,

of course. Darling, we'll start

redecorating the family room on Monday.

Come on, Big Jake. You got to flare those

nostrils. A1 and a two.

Faster. Gomez,

don't tell me you've been sent at the

river to the big house and they're going

to targe you in the pokey with me. Nope.

Too bad. It's a real hoot in here.

What?You mean you you like it?I

love it. I made these great new friends,

and they even let me flatten my head in

the license plate machine, too. A

childhood dream come true. That's right.

And I owe it all to my pan, Norm.

No, no, no

Oh, goody. You're getting into the

Hooscout spirit already.

It's just a tragedy. I had to find true

happiness at the expense of my dear

deported cousin, It. Thank you.

Cousin It, you're alive.

But he was dissolved in Fester's formula.

Not so, Mr. Norman Meyer. Uncle

Fester's formula reminded Cousin It of an

important appointment and he had to dash

off suddenly. Uh, some sort of top

secret, influential global jaunt, no

doubt. He was having his hair done. I

knew it, Tish. No wonder he was so hush

hush. We wouldn't want Cousin It's hair

care secrets falling into the wrong

hands. You're

free to go, Mr. Adams. Oh, Cousin

It. Even though it means I have to leave

the Shangri-La, I'm a smiling fool just

because you're back.

What?You can have me thrown in jail

anytime I want. I don't even have to

commit a crime. Oh, God. Gee,

thanks. Just one of the benefits of

having a government man in the family.

You know, darling, Cousin It seems to

have a profound influence on Uncle

Fester. They're even starting to look

alike. Well, I hope so.

I don't believe this. Let's go

home.

And just where do you think you're going?

You said that you actually witnessed the

crime. Well, I I did. I I I

mean, I I didn't. See what I'm trying to.

Lying to a policeman is a crime. You're

going to jail. Mommy.

Norman, you're a wanted man.

Bye, fellas. Be sure and treat my pal

Norm just the way you treated me.

Count on it. How the norm. What a rough

and tumble kind of guy.

Oh, go Liz. There's something so romantic

about a train ride. The wind in your

hair, the clickety clack of the tracks,

and being robbed and kidnapped by a bunch

of cutthroats.

Hi, everybody. Am I too late to be tied

to the track?Uncle Fester,

your hair. Oh, no. Is it back?

No, dear. It's all gone. Well,

I guess I was so worried about Cousin Itt

that my hair fell out. That must be a

load off your mind. Yeah, and we can deep

fry it at the next family picnic. What a

lovely time for a celebration dance.

Blue ribbon idea, Tish. How about the

burning couch?Oh, forget it, Gomez. I

just clipped my toenails. Too bad.

Oh, how about the saliva waltz?Only if I

lead. One, two. Two, two.

Three, two.

Oh.