01x13 - Little Big Thing/Little Bad Riding Hood/Metamorphosister

[bunniefuu]

They're creepy and they're kooky

Mysterious as spooky They're all

together kooky The Addams Family

Their house is a museum Where people come

to see 'em They really are a scream

The Addams Family

Neat. Sweet.

Petite. So get a witch's shawl

on A bruised if you could crawl on We're

gonna pay a brawl onThe

family

They're creepy and they're kooky

Mysterious and spooky They're all

together spooky The Addams

Family

Gomez, darling, it's a glorious night

for a moon tan. Right-o, Tish.

Would you rub a little of this honey on

my back?To keep you from getting moon

burned?No, to attract more insects.

Isn't this relaxing thing?

Hey, Gomez, want me to tell Uncle

Wolfgang you said hello?Of course,

Fester. ohh

Dear Uncle Wolfgang, he so enjoys

a full moon. Remember those tormented

squeals he makes during the

transformation?Hey, let's invite him over

tomorrow night around sunset. Let me know

when the insects start gathering, Gomez.

The coals are almost ready.

Granny, you just answered thing.

Good thing. How many times have I told

you to stop making crank phone calls?

Granny Psychic Hotline. Formerly

Lou's Monkey Watch. What?An

emergency prediction?Let me

consult my crystal ball. Granny's

certainly doing well with her hotline.

Yes, but nobody could scrub a chimp like

Old Lou. Oh, for some

reason, the spirits are cloudy tonight.

Granny, you're reading Fester's head.

I knew that. If you think his head's

interesting, try reading his back, since

he's been sleeping on those wet

newspapers. Your eyes are bothering you

again, aren't they, Granny?Not

in the least. Ohh

Oh, great. You

boyed. Don't set a place for Granny at

breakfast tomorrow, Lurch. She's fallen

into the bottomless pit again. Well, who

will I play with into the wee hours?

Darling, I think it's time we had a talk

with Granny. Another expl*si*n like that,

and she'll tear my knitting apart. You're

right, Cadita. One more jolt, then I'll

fall out before Oscar here gets a chance

to drain my bodily fluids.

You crushed.

Lurch, would you go into the kitchen and

throw yourself on Granny's next casserole

before she cooks it?

Uh, much better. OK,

let's try it again. A dash of Mute's

liver, a wad of Yak's hair,

and Lurch, you're not an ingredient in my

beeps and bacon casserole.

Granny, you've put this off long enough.

You need glasses. Morticia,

I've told you 1000 times my eyes are

perfect and you'd better eat something.

You're getting too skinny. Hey, I was

looking for that.

You never tasted bat wing soup till you

sucked it off a dirty mop. Morticia,

I guarantee that night. Not another word,

Granny. We're going downtown.

By the way, Lurch, I noticed a spot of

mildew in the corner. A spot.

I'll take care of it. How

sweet. Your growth formula always

comes in handy at spreading an assortment

of decorative fungus around the house.

Thanks. You kids run along. I'll start

harvesting this stuff so we can can it

for the winter.

No, no, no, no, no

Granny, how do you know you don't like

them until you try them on?Oh, if you

insist.

No, no, no,

no, no, noThing,

could you run down and put some more

money in the parking meter?

I told you I wouldn't look good in

glasses. You didn't even look at yourself

in the mirror when you had them on.

Yuck.

Told you I looked better without them.

Don't I, cutie?

Glasses. Fooey. I don't

need them.

Hey, Granny, did you just take a dive

down the stairs?Yes. Did you get

hurt?No. Ah, you'd never do anything

right. Hold this and let an expert show

you. Boom, boom. Okay, Granny,

here I come. You

got that?

Mortice is wrong. My eyes are fine

and I can prove it. Oh, Thing,

let me feed your palm.

Thing, your hand's just too small.

What's this?

We're in luck. One word of Fester's

growth formula will fix you right up. Hmm

I'll just set this on #1.

Gomez, did that sound like the roof being

torn off?Oh, probably just Fester causing

the ceiling to collapse on himself again.

Oh, dear. Half the house is ravaged and

Thing is 20 feet tall. I might have

made a teensy mistake.

Oh, I'd better make you small before

anyone sees you. Oh, where

is that book I need?I can't read these

titles. Thing, go

downtown to the library and get a copy of

Hand Shrinking Made Easy.

Don't goddle thing. We have to make you

smaller before anyone here sees you.

G'day, ma'am. Keep it moving, Sir.

Hello, hand.

Hand. Hey, stop that hand.

All right, hand, come out with your

fingers up. Oh, sorry,

giant foot. We're looking for the hand.

Gotta mia. These family wrestling

matches are always so enjoyable.

Right, Fester?You said it, Gomez.

And thanks to Lurch, I get to spend

the next week coughing up vital organs.

Hey, Lurch, what's a big idea stepping on

my head like that?You'll have

more fun if you wear the spiked boot I

bought you for your birthday.

And I even got them nice and sharp.

Just the way you like 'em.

Ohh That'll get the job done.

Ha, Tish. Caramba.

Hello?Hello That's

odd. There's no one there. Must be Thing.

Thing says he's grown 20 feet. Well,

that's weird. Last time I saw Thing, he

only had five fingers. Hey,

Lurch, you'd better go up and findGranny.

That's it, Hand. We're calling out the

Happydale Air Force.

Granny, this is all your fault.

My fault. I told him to go to the

library, not climb up there.

Yeah, and there's not enough formula left

for me to grow my tongue long and hang it

on the towel rack in the men's room at

the train station. Back off, men. The

government is on its way. They know how

to handle a hand like this.

Oh, you were right, Morticia. I shouldn't

have been so stubborn about wearing

glasses. Now dear thing is in

trouble. Not half the trouble that

Fester's in. He got his nose caught in

the manhole cover again. Hey,

leave me alone. If I can't grow my tongue

long, a little sewer sniffing is the next

best thing.

Lurch, how'd you like to relive your old

college quarterback days?

OhhDon't worry, Thing. This is

all my fault. I'll protect you.

Back off, boys. If you want to blow

someone up, blow him up instead.

Come on, big boy. Hit the bullseye.

Cousin Itt. Darling, is that Cousin

Itt?By Jovetish, you're right. I'd

recognize his shedding anywhere.

Well, I've got to hand it to you, It.

Sending Thing through the car wash to

shrink him was genius. And that hot wax

makes his nails so shiny.

Oh, I see. So that's how your hair

maintains that lustrous sheen. Is it?

Say, you know it's not so bad wearing

glasses for reading. I tried totell

you, Granny. Cousin It wears glasses.

Lurch wears glasses. Why, even Thing

wears glasses. Just think,

all this trouble and no one was even

hurt. We can fix that.

Ohh Did that hurt?No.

Try the piano. Now

that hurt.

But when Goldilocks woke up and

saw the three bears, she was

so scared that she ran

out the window. Luckily, the bears called

the police and Goldilocks got 5 to 10 for

trespass, and they lived happily ever

after. The end. Aw,

look at her thing, sleeping so

sweetly, so soundly.

Gong time.

Gotcha. Brother Pugsley, I declare

you are a vicious, nasty, heartless

creature. You really think so?

Thanks. Now it's my turn for you to

read to me, and I bet your story won't

even be scary. Oh, we

shall see.

Comfortable. You call being chained to a

mattress filled with cinder blocks

comfortable?So sorry, I

forgot the cheese. Uh,

that's better. Now I won't have to wait

so long for those rats to show up. So

what do we have tonight, sis?My latest

book penned by, well,

me. Oh, no, not again.

I hope it's better than your last

masterpiece, Granny's Magic Dancers,

or I'm not going to listen. Like you have

a choice.

Little Bad Riding Hood by Wednesday

Addams. Once Upon a

time in a lovely forest, there

lived Little Bad Riding Hood Bonjour

and her best best friend, Littler Red

Riding Hand.

Little Bad Riding Hood was bringing a

basket of goodies to her granny, that and

laying a few landmines. They're a special

treat for Little Red Riding Fester in

case he comes a-skipping through. Also in

the forest lived the big, bad wolf.

Yo, what's shaking?He was a genuine

chowder head, a blithering doofus, a

shallow-paded lout, a simp, a

dirhee, a complete... Hey!

Take it easy, will ya?Yeah.

Allow me to introduce myself. My card.

Big bad wolf, huffing,

puffing, eating children, ask about my

low rates. Cool to meet ya. Uh,

what you got in the basket, sister?

Granny has forever wanted a family of

wolverines to nest in her flannelpajamas.

OhhA pleasure meeting you, Mr. Wolf.

But we hoods mustn't be late to Granny's.

Oh, wait.

I wouldn't want you two to get lost in

the forest or anything. Not to worry,

Harry, Sir. Littler Red Riding Hand knows

this wood well.

He used to be a lumberjack. That's the

trouble with being just a hand. It's so

hard to yell timber. Oh, well, comealong.

But the big bad wolf knew a sneaky

shortcut to Granny's house. Taxi!

To Granny's and make it snappy.

Ew.

To Little Bad Riding Hood's granny, not

mine.

You granny?Yes. Psychic police, ma'am.

You recognize this man?Isn't that

Napoleon?The one and only, ma'am. He

escaped from the 7th dimension last

night. No. Yes, ma'am.

We think he may be hiding out in your

plumbing. You better clear out and let us

handle this if you insist, officer.

Taxi

to the 6th dimension.

Now for a quick visit to Granny's closet.

Oops, that's Grandpa's closet.

That's more like it. Uh oh.

Come in. Dearest Granny, we

come bearing goodies. Granny.

Have you seen Granny?There you

are. You don't look so good. Not

to worry. We'll nurse you back to health.

There. Look. Littler Red Riding Hand

has even tied your favorite cow to the

bed to keep you from loneliness.

My, what big eyes you have,

Granny. Uh, the better to see

you with, dear. Nothing a little

corrective surgery can't fix.

Uh oh.

Bessie, don't lick the patient. And

my, what a big nose you

have, Granny. HuhOh

no, not the nose.

Oh, horrors. I nearly forgot the

goodies.

Cease and desist. You'll spook poor

Bessie.

Granny and Bessie also enjoy their

heartfelt jumps through the barn. Look

out. No, don't

jump the fence.

My, how Bessie's tree climbing has

improved. Oh, Granny, that

barnyard scent clashes with your normal

sickly odors. It's into the tub with

you.

But whatever you do, don't pull the

plug.

Oops. Tis a good thing

Littler Red Riding Hand used to be a

plumber, too.

How about a back rub, Granny?

And so, Little Bad Riding Hood took care

of the big bad wolf for the rest of

eternity, and they lived happily ever

after.

I want out of this story. You want me

to call you a taxi?

She's cold.

Well, Pugsley, what do you think of my

storytelling now?Just get me a

tow truck, will you?

I bear a bounteous gift for you, Brother

Pugsley. Really. What is it?

Open it.

An ankle shackle for me.

You shouldn't have. I know.

And it even fits!

Good.

Ah, Thing, Wednesday is so good to

me. I try to pay her back for all that

she does. But nothing I do compares to

her. HerHer

Yeah, genius. I wish I could

return the favor just once.

Hey, isn't that the dog catcher who

nabbed Uncle Mange last spring?He must be

looking for another atoms to make

miserable.

HmmSing. That's it. I'll change

Wednesday into a dog. Yeah, then

get her thrown into the pound for a few

cold and lonely nights. She'll

love it. All those

late night chemistry lessons.

Thank you, Uncle Fester. It's dog

time thing.

Let's do it.

Surprise, sis. You are now a

porcupine. This has

potential.

I guess I better mix up a better batch,huh

OK, now you are a dog.

No, Pugsley. This

dog. Me Grizzly.

Don't laugh. I think I'm getting closer.

Uh-oh. Now she's a wildebeest. Great.

What do they do?Allow me.

Whoa! Wait

all that time out. What ails you,

brother?I wanted to change you into a dog

and make you miserable. And look what

happened. I got stomped, crushed,

trampled. I mean, why should I have all

the fun?It's just not fair. But

Brother Pugsley, I can think of no

greater joy than pummeling you into

non-existence. You really mean it

with all my heart. Cool. Then don't let

me stop you. Let it pour, thing.

Wonderful.