01x27 - Frankie High Scale

[bunniefuu]

(The episode starts at Ellen's house, where Ellen looks at a picture of Stanley)

Ellen: Gee. I haven't seen Liz in days. (to Frankie) Frankie, you don't look so good today. (Frankie sighs)

Frankie: Here we go again. (cut to Stanley's Vet) Would it be easier to buy a dinner?

Ellen: Can I help you hold your stethoscope?

Stanley: Ellen, there's nothing wrong with Frankie.

Frankie: See, she knows!

Stanley: Nothing except his weight, of course.

Frankie: What do you know?

Stanley: Which reminds me, I better see what he's doing in that department. (carries Frankie) 2 more pounds and we'll need a forklift to do this.

Frankie: Eh, Sarcastic remarks are my job! (they go to the scale)

Stanley: You're going to inaugurate my new state-of-the-art animal scale, Frankie. Ellen, would you turn the dial to "Portly Girl"?

Ellen: (turns to dial) "Portly Girl" just as you asked! (Frankie was carried and stand on the scale)

Scale: OOOOOOOOOWWWWW! (Frankie gets scared) Get off me, you overweight tub of pasta and goo! (Frankie jumps up)

Ellen: Yikes! That thing talked! And it screamed at me! And it's rude!

Stanley: Oh, I forgot to tell you, this is a talking scale.

Scale: Come back here, you bucket of lard! I wasn't finished with you!

Stanley: Frankie's heavier that he thought. It says he needs to lose two pounds right away by the end of the week, if possible.

Ellen: And if he doesn't?

Stanley: Then I think we have no choice but to send him to the Cat Spa.

Frankie: The Cat Spa. That sounds great. Massages, long naps, more massages, more long naps...

Stanley: They'll put him on a strict low fat diet.

Frankie: (realizes) Strict low-fat diet?! (he climbs on Jon) This low-fat diet, can I still eat lasagna and pizza and porked fried rice and bacon wrapped with bacon, right?

Stanley: Here's the video of the place I had in mind.

Narrator: Welcome to Maggie's Cat Spa. The world's leading health resort for lazy, overweight cats with attitude.

Sarah O'Connor: When we brought Hector to Maggie's Cat Spa, He was eating 12 meals a day.

Old Man: Well, when he got so fat, he had to walk to the living room from the kitchen, He took a cab!

Sarah: But thanks to Maggie's Cat Spa, this will all be hard to show.

Old Man: Well, look at Hector now! Doesn't he look positive and look healthy and alert? (Hector groans, Ellen and Frankie are shocked)

Narrator: At Maggie's Cat Spa, your beloved pet will be placed on a strict regalement of exercise and diet. (Hector groans after he eats food, the video ends)

Ellen: Frankie can't go to that place!

Frankie: Yeah, Listen to Ellen, he's right for a change!

Stanley: Either he loses 2 pounds at the end of the week, or it's the Cat Spa for him. (Frankie and Ellen get scared and shudder) Here, take the scale home with you so you can monitor his process.

Ellen: I'll do my best to send him down. Do you think you can do that, Frankie? (He sees Frankie eat a sandwich) FRANKIE! That's Liz's lunch!

Frankie: Well, watching all that exercise made me...hungry. (he nervously laughs; cut to his house)

Ellen: Dinner's ready, Frankie!

Frankie: I want lasagna and ribs and chinese food and chocolate cream pie, and roast beef, and a side of roast beef, and a third helping of my second helpings and... (he sees his dinner is a lettuce leaf) Hey. What's this?

Ellen: Enjoy your lettuce leaf, Frankie.

Frankie: (he examines it, tastes it and eats it, but doesn't like it) Gee. I was expecting food. (he looks in the fridge to get food)

Ellen: (calling Stanley) I put him on that strict diet you recommended, Stanley. (he sees Frankie with the leaf covered with food)

Frankie: You know these things aren't half bad when you cover it in whipped cream and chocolate sauce.

Ellen: Uh, I'll call you back, Stanley. (to Frankie) Let's see where we stand now. (Frankie on the scale)

Scale: Hey, you gained another pound! Nice going, fatso! A few more ounces and you'll be qualified for your own zipcode!

Ellen: See, Now you have to lose 3 Pounds!

Frankie: I'll worry about it in the morning. (he goes upstairs)

Ellen: I don't know what have to happen to take this seriously. (cut to Frankie in bed, is nighttime)

Frankie: Ellen won't send me to that fat cat place. (he begins to sleep) Even if I did, it wouldn't be so bad...wouldn't be so bad...(A girl spa in Frankie's nightmare is shown; everything is black and white but Frankie is still Girl though, imprisoned in jail) Let me out! Please! Let me out! I don't belong here! It's all a big mistake, I tell you! I'm not overweight! I just have a big very big of fur!

Hector: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Nurse Psycho doesn't like it when we scream in terror.

Frankie: (terrified) NURSE PSYCHO?!

Hector: You don't wanna know what she did to the last fat, obese cat that complained!

Frankie: What did she do?

Hector: (shivers) Let's put it this way. It was me.

Frankie: No! No! Jon! Would there be someone else compliant! HELP! Wait. I have to get a grip. Nurse Psycho can't possibly be that bad. (She arrives)

Nurse Psycho: WHERE'S THE NEW FAT GIRL? (thunders sound are heard)

Frankie: Oh yeah, she can possibly be that bad...

Nurse Psycho: There you are. Have you been screaming in terror?!

Frankie: Oh, me? Ah, no. I was practicing my yodeling. Listen. (yodels, then was carried)

Nurse Psycho: We're going to get you into shape. (cut to cafeteria) First, dinner.

Frankie: Dinner's good.

Nurse Psycho: I hope you like "pea".

Frankie: Peas? Sure, I like peas.

Nurse Psycho: No. Pea. (serves a plate with a single pea) One pea. (Frankie looks at the pea with a glass of water, but only a drop of water)

Frankie: Gee. That's a pretty small pea. (to Audience) Would you all please turn away? I don't wanna cry when my fans are watching.

Frankie: Eat it!

Frankie: Can I eat half now? And take the rest home in a doggie bag?

Nurse Psycho: EAT IT! You'll start to exercise as soon as you're finished.

Frankie: As soon as I finish it. Ok. Well, here it goes. (he lifts the pea and throws it in his mouth and chews on it) Mmm-mmm.(Nurse Psycho pounds the table with her fist, making Frankie swallowing the pea and belches loudly) Oh, my compliments to the chef!

Nurse Psycho: Now, it's time for your workout.

Frankie: Wait. I need time to digest my huge meal. (smiles, but does gymnastics)

Nurse Psycho: Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Now repeat for the rest of all eternity.

Frankie: No. I must've lost 2 pounds by now. (he goes to the scale)

Scale: Sorry, Pal. You're still fat.

Frankie: WHAT?! (he was dragged by Nurse Psycho, doing jogs and laps)

Nurse Psycho: FASTER! My grandmother came faster than that.

Frankie: Help! Her grandmother makes me do this to her! I must've lost weight by now. (he goes to the scale again)

Scale: Didn't you hear me, jumbo?! You're still fat. (Frankie gasps, but is dragged by Nurse Psycho, he does pushups)

Nurse Psycho: FASTER!

Frankie: (Groans), Oh boy!

Nurse Psycho: FASTER! (he does it) FASTER! (he gives up) We don't like slackers around here!

Frankie: What am I doing here? Why are you doing this to me?! And why is everything black-and-white?! I must've lost my weight by now! (Frankie goes to the scale once more)

Scale: Guess what, chubby? (Frankie sees his true unveiled form and gasps; beep sound)

Mutant Spider Scale: That's right. You're fatter than ever. Even your flab is fat. You're so fat that when (its voice deepens) you sit around the house! YOU SIT AROUND THE HOUSE!!!

Frankie: Knock off the insults!

Mutant Spider Scale: You're so fat that when you step on a scale, it says one at a time, please. (Frankie closes the doors on him) You're so fat that you need to watch on each wrest one for each time zone! (he appears in front of Frankie; he screams) Don't Be Afraid Frankie. You're among friends now. In fact, ALL your friends ARE HERE! (Frankie looks around, flinchingly)

Frankie: I don't see any friends

Mutant Spider Scale: Here are your friends, Frankie. (the food comes out of nowhere) Pizza, ice cream, pie, cake, cheese, roast beef and of course, lasagna! They're ALL your friends!

Talking Food: (all together) We're your friends, Frankie! Eat us, Frankie! They're delicious, and fattening! (repeats in a loop until Frankie falls)

Frankie: Whoa!! (The door itself opens behind Frankie) Get away from me! (the food pleas be Frankie's friend, and the scale maniacally laughs) I have to lose weight! (he backs away from them until he falls into the dark abyss) AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!