01x02 - Men Are from Mars, Women Are Evil

[bunniefuu]

you want to be the good guy or the bad guy I'll be bad guy this I knew you

would say you were the bad guy last time partner so that's a different kind of case this

here is homicide look I'm a straight sh**ter and I'm telling you this time I'm pet guy

fine P this ain't going to take long anyway we caught him

red-handed did you see them pictures practically cut the last one's head off papers are going to have a Feld day with

this fairy tale notorious Dr love it just makes you sick doesn't it

serial K*llers are not scaring the look as a child in Pakistan I run through hot

colds and only burn a little huh I go 95 days on nothing but Cactus as sure as

the monsoons come to Bangladesh I'm going to break this

turkey like eggs a man torn from his family m*rder*d

in his prime only to return to Earth resurrected we'd like you to become an

operative in the core fight evil save soul as an agent of the almighty core

Chandler meet your new partner with no magic no special powers

forbidden from intimate contact unrecognizable to those from their past lives chanler Smite and Henry mcneel now

fight disable our soul against the minions of Darkness deals with the devil are bad it's our job to stop them is he

always like this it is the Battle of good versus E G

versus e that's what it is

howdy howdy name's Penn I'm chief of detective in these parts this here's my

partner and they call him the wi why do they call you the whiz what do you think I got to tell you

I think you did it I didn't k*ll Cherry balance well sure you're going to say that but let's review the fact shall we

we got three women here with some striking similarities they're all redheaded they're all

strippers and they're all dead sounds like a night on cable TV huh well the

bad news is I got you placed at two of the crime scen that makes you a suspect

let me ask you a question you recognize this cowgirl this is where you started your dirty little

game the m*rder of a cheerleader turned stripper right after callbacks for a Dorito's

commercial I have never seen her before we'll tried this on for size it was a

dark and stormy night and lonely Buck of red is having a relaxing full body

massage to ease her aches and pains he told me he had a show on like sci-fi

Network which was total bull uhhuh he's not even a producer

typical whatever you know it hurt to dump him a

little but he was fat anyways and that wasn't even his Mercedes was he cute no

and he wasn't Rich nope then what's the point exactly there is no point it's not

like I'm materialistic or anything it's just money gives you options I'm going to let you listen to a little soothing

music for a little while if you need me just press the button thank you

beu feels good kind of even hear you come

in you have really strong hands

what a pushy little [ __ ] last night when I Ted you apolog you were

right scary

why is you calling me and locking the

door as P the blood spreaded around her k*ller deposited his gruesome

signature a death God what a convenient memory you are

having can't even remember your first big k*ll I don't know the girl I don't

know the case what do you want me to say Shady chick k*lled by drug addled

musclehead boyfriend who's still at large in Hollywood even interesting why do we care we care because we think the

infamous doctor love is a Morlock we received a wire from New York telling us to be on the lookout for a homicidal

Morlock named Terry a love this is where you usually go into the backstory back

story is love was a snaggle to Virgin grad student he sold his soul for True

Love with a red-headed stripper named Leslie bar Barbie lesli Barbie Leslie

everything was going fine until they discovered that they were a little too different H let me guess she cheat it on

it with the woman H you know how these dancers are they get to where they hate men men are pigs anyway the infidelity

was more than Dr Love could handle and he took his own life fan dies he becomes a Morlock so if he k*lled himself then

our friend Dr Love is a Morlock and since joining the ranks of the Living Dead he's been working his way through

the pain by icing redheaded strippers and attain us this is dark so show us a picture of the perk well that's the

scary part no one knows what love truly looks like records doesn't have any photos so what what are we supposed to

go out and interview the entire La metropolitan area half a la is female that leaves you with about 8 million

have a ball come on we we we need more than this the go on peruse this this

vision of feminine Perfection is a Canadian stripper named Cherry bance

just kind of the Michael Jordan of redheaded strippers she's going to be performing all this week at this club cheetahs we figured that love couldn't

resist problem is we don't think you two pin heads can resist either so right now I want to take this opportunity to

remind you of the penalty for intimate contact remember what the Deacon said roses are red and violets are blue have

sex in the core and I'm going to break your neck look I remember I remember now

go out there and get close to Cherry Vance see if you can locate Dr love and when you do locate him move in and

terminate him so you didn't know the first victim this Gigi girl no I didn't know this Gigi Girl what do you do

Smite sort of a private investigator private investigator for who who do you

work for basically one big client yeah what's his name do we know him

knows you kind of knows everybody he asked you for a name it's

confidential you don't want to talk huh well I guess you don't know her

either no her I know most guys know Cherry

Valance but not personally like you how did you meet her through her work

hi I'm Marcy you know what time it is no it's time for a table dance baby

that is an incredible offer Marc but I am just on on on c*ck number one

what you actually talk to her she asked me if I wanted to dance and you denied

her were you just being a good guy or were you saving yourself for the main

event you mean cheering Legend she send me come on she can't be

that hot survey says wrong she's epic I saw her in Bara bar yeah we talked

really briefly after the show I was in a hurry she was in a hurry no kidding quite simply the most beautiful girl

that I have ever seen with the possible exception of Barbara Feldon the get

smart yours Terry H love I sing redheaded no

one knows what love truly looks like okay start your engines gentlemen for

the lovest the riest of redheads Cherry Val

you

I what was that all about we meeting for pie what just like that just

like that W The Impossible Dream happens and you're dead can't have sex almost too

horrible to contemplate going to bed with her wouldn't be worth Eternal damnation it'd be close very close but

not worth Eternal damnation and Degan would beat you it's like kind of secret

test that almost isn't fair just don't do anything stupid and fall

for do you think that I am stupid enough to fall for a stripper oh that's

rich you take a stripper to the house of p how did you convince her to go I mean

she must have I don't know 200 guys a day hitting on her why you that is one

of the great Mysteries of the universe will'll try to Enlighten us I guess we' just had some kind of

special connection Called Love why me

you had the choice of every hard up Unfaithful ugler in that joint what is the catch just a TR it to you

CH it just well then you got to be a minion of the devil or something do I have to sell my

soul cuz if you're offering I'd consider it maybe she's the one maybe you could

love again your wife's been dead for 7 years what are you going to do more than forever it's time to move on oh ever

since I was a little girl I knew that as soon as I laid eyes on Mr right I would know but tonight was the night it's like

I recognized the other half of me you are so

cute come here Chandler smile

and you expect me to believe that Cherry Valance made a pass at you and you went

home I was a gentleman for sake it's not often that you meet someone in this

crazy world that you connect with we surrender crap's making me

nauseous he's a little craftier than I thought but not to worry we're going to sweat it out of him we'll give this

Desperado enough rope he's going to hang himself Channel SM public get me number one Pilgrim make sure I'm not missing

anything why don't you tell me in the whiz what were you doing last Thursday last

Thursday I don't remember now maybe you

were stalking a redhe head in like a parking garage does that ring a

bell maybe something to do with candy straps fumbling for her keys in a dark

in parking strap sh while a tall dark stranger lays in way sted at the ready

Kitty any of this coming to mind I was over at a friend's house

Thursday is this a Bobby or rookie card M condition Bobby or rookie card you

have uh Exquisite taste in right-handed sh**ting defenseman so

while you and Bobby were sh**ting the Bree discussing right-handed

defenseman across town young candy was being hunted like a a wounded

gazelle and we've all watched enough Discovery Channel to know what happens to the wounded

gazelle come on little kitty come on come on little

muffin come on to mama kitty kitty

where's Mama's love muffin where are

you kitty come here

Kitty stay right

here what a good little kitty good girl

so you just went home after Bobby oh yeah straight to bed well that's funny

you know because we got you placed not at home in bed but at the scene of the

crime any idea how that

happened make love to me Chandler I know I I we should talk this is all going so

so fast oh don't worry I've been t you're very St about

safe except for that one week and in Africa what just

kidding oh I I I'm I'm I'm sorry these things

they go off at the at the damnest time see your SEC will

you what do you want love whacked another while you were succumbing I didn't succumb yeah okay whatever where

are you I'm I'm I'm in my car weak and Deacon's going to whip your a*s you better get out of there and meet me at

Sunset McKinley and you better get the game face on Mr no

sex um I I I I I hatte to to you but the bond market is just it's it's going nuts

it says damn Japanese it's a Japanese yeah damn them will I see it yeah yeah yeah I just I

can't believe it's just been such a few short hours and told you CH recognized

you the rest of

me I just I no goodbyes I hate goodbyes

oh hey give him some room buddy come on get out of here give him some room let's go Cas you keep score that would be one very dead redheaded stripper on your

watch pal we heard about your Suare you told me to get close to Cherry yeah well don't cross alive got word on the death

card only one place in town some the satanic one Su one card decks you your point in comical Hollywood well here's

the deal CH why don't you take your new girlfriend down there on a date and get yourself a pony harness cattle Pro one

of those fraternity panels with some stuff written crack on Cherry okay she's not like what you think she is you're

wrong pal she's exactly like I think she hey hey hey cut him some slack all right chot can handle it you got the Cherry

thing under control yeah I have it under control for it okay I'll take your word

for it watch your back you already screwed up no I haven't

screwed up I'll tell you another thing she's a lot smarter than you think she is oh yeah I bet she is I mean is it

under control or what you saw those pictures of cherry it's not under control how's it feel to be cold busted

what the crime scene was on the way home I rubber necked for a second or two where is the crime in there you're on

some thin ice what about the next day SMI I don't know what you're talking about he old porn and comic

shop we had you tell Chandler we knew that was God we knew there was something

rotten about

you greetings attractive Earthling you gentlemen have Exquisite taste in

novelty cards this particular card is an exact

approximation of the earliest known Death Cards of a satanic sect of the ancient Incas a very rare approximation

you sell a lot of them if you consider 1.4 decks every five business days a lot

of them which it is as a matter of fact you know this guy did he buy a deck

of those cards yes he did did I know him as Walter Layman a Marvel Comics a

fiction a without equal rival an expert of The Unexplained as well as a fan of magic with a K thank you very much it's

also a fan of cherries the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen Terry H sold his soul his own life is a

Mor come on H let's get out of

here there he is that's the guy white guy are you sure yeah

follow see that t warlock cops jeez Dave I think they seen us how can you tell they're eating

convenience or burritos yeah they definitely seen us not much better than warlocks always mucking up Core Business

picking up agents they mistake for CR my Henry there was trying to do their job they got a right to live yeah wait you

get a couple years in wait to pick you up or something yeah like that'll happen Pez ni all right it's time to lose these

G I'm done I guess we should call the backup

yeah come on up backup how can we take a bride if there's other guys around see that they arguing about what to

do yeah go ahead officer I just wanted to remind you gentlemen that you can't make a right hand turn from that

leg watch listen and learn L God nice move yeah you know that

really was it was a nice move dusting the tail like that I got to hand it to you but it does bring up a question why

were you on the lookout for a tail I wasn't better cops don't make it so obvious who's a black guy a business

partner and does he work for Mr big as well or is that confidential he's in the same line of work which is what I told

you we're like cops enough already why don't you just tell us where you were going in such a hurry I had personal

business to attend to do you think that uh true love is

even possible man I'm going to have to keep you out of those stripper clubs man what you just saw a little booty just lost your mind huh little boot do you

know that's really crass we talk about Duty man not booty you Shar something okay St danc now you think you're in

love Bo you that's a stereotype about strippers all being loose you we sat

across the table from each other you sound like a SCH you ever get lonely

you know lonely yeah I get lonely everybody get lonely that's just a part of what we

do you've fallen in love since you've been in the core haven't you what was her name NCO she's a backup

single for The Gap B spoke five languages good maternal instincts

supported my career when we hit the disco man and she was shaking that fine round

behind oh Lord have mercy might just blow a Brother's mind you know what I mean she could hook up a steak too man

tend the prime loin man season to Perfection but when she got on it man a

super Freight total package she Dropped a b*mb on Me man but you had to give her

up didn't you because of the core well better to have loved and lost no it wasn't ignorance is bliss

oh

he's a bve this is bad nice boy kept to himself

a lot very quiet he's giving off all the signs all right look at this he's got all the girls he k*lled in the days he

k*lled them marked on his calendar yeah Circle the ey man look at this classic a**l attentive

Psycho k*ller Behavior see that redheaded

wig what day is it today what day is it today it's Tuesday the 24th Cherry death

day today is circle I got to I got to get over there now no no no no no wait wait wait look no got to stay here all

right Dr Love's going to come back we'll catch him when he come back no she can be in trouble now looks like Chandler's lost his head over a piece of

tail

Cherry Jerry

Jerry I scared the veget out of me then there's no need for that cherry where is she she's getting a Manny petting I need

to find her okay would you she she'll be right back I uh I is something wrong I

guess you're probably wondering what I'm doing here right no not really my boyfriend Terell he he has a problem a

crank problem he just can't seem to hold down his job at the 99 cent store they

make him come in at n no offense but I really need to find Jerry said if it

ever got really bad that I could crash here so I just I just brought some of my

things a fair set ain't nothing fair about a man oh I'm sure it'll be okay I

mean just cuz he's a crank addict doesn't mean you won't be able to find another service industry job or you're

back tler oh my

God we need to talk in

private listen Cherry now I know this is going to sound way out of left field but

your life is in danger what are you talking about no no no no no pleas please just bear with me for a moment

okay do you know Walter lhan come on come on he's a nerdy guy with glasses

sitting next to me when you and I he he met you in Barstow all right I I have reason to believe that he is a serial

k*ller all these dead redheaded strippers lately no come on I meet guys like that all the time they're harmless

no he's not harmless he has an altar to you with like his calendar in circles and it's also so sick and twisted I'm

trying to save your life here what are you a cop or something no

nothing like that private d*ck if you mean detective no I'm not

yeah right Cherry I'm a guy who cares about you I just I don't want to see you get hurt so this is all about some weird

guy and all that nice guy come on crap it's just more lines wait wait wait come listen you

stay away from Le and he will cut your heart out I mean cut your heart out as opposed

to you Chandler what have you done what I care about you or last night would

have never happened last night didn't happen remember and now tonight's not going to

happen either or the next night for Infinity okay Chandler

Jerry love me I'm going to whip your a*s smik if you touch her k*ll you dead they

worth it man take it from someone who's tasted to pain man they worth it Henry is definitely right you can't get

involved

flesh is

weake been D in hot wax um Cherry I'm not really into that

kind of uh I'll be right back it's going to be a night to

remember really that whole hot wax thing Cherry that's not really

um oh these nylons are a little tight

w a are you all right jar com carry

angle you guys mind keeping it down because I'm trying to

basically the state in which you were apprehended Mr Chandler SMI Infante Delo

red-handed at the proverbial scene of the crime with the k*ller's death card in your hand let put you this way you're

going down you are facing an extended period of incarceration one that could

Outlast your natural lifespan but you got a chance to lessen the beating yes you could confess now you see save the

public the expense of a lengthy trial I would call the district attorney tell him how Cooperative you have been

believe bar going unlock 10 20 years off you be had havep some shuffle

board so what's it going to be

hard or easy ad didn't k*ller I loved her

hey man there's a cop back here guys tied

up you have any idea how many favors I had the Burton to get you out of here

Henry what are you doing here man shut up saving your a*s again what does it look like I'm doing fool man I'm sorry

yeah well time to put the game face on we got to get the real k*ller ASAP I

don't care anymore now that Jerry's gone you got to pull yourself together Chan I know you loved her she was a great girl

but you got to draw a circle around the pain what happened to Layman he did it didn't he I swear to

God if I get my hands on him again no he didn't k*ll him what wasn't

Walter he's actually one of the nicest guys I ever met I waited for him to come home and ended up jumping them oh w

free all right Layman your k*lling days are old k*lling days you've made some mistake don't try to play it off water

you k*lled Cherry B didn't you I did not yes you did no wait in the closet easy

who who who hey would a serial k*ller have every

loggin and missina album and and there on the credena would

a serial k*ller have a tender moments collection and would is serial k*ller

have a kitty love tattoo okay okay he was one of the

biggest serial k*ller fishan Noles i' ever met so what do you think about this case well I have been following it for

some time and have been able to predict some of Dr Love's moves and you think love

will come after Cherry bence without question maybe today if my Zodiac

predictions hold firm I'm telling you this guy is a real surgeon not messy

like dmer and no cartoony clown fetishes like that Pub Hound gazy now this one

subtle a master Craftsman we need to find a way to bait him draw him out into

the open you have to think what does the k*ller

want R it is precisely what does that tell us about the k*ller

that he likes red haads no that he

is a connoisseur so where would a connoisseur redheads look good question I placed an

ad in the classifi to bait our k*ller the working strip Canadian all natural

light bondage takes a k*ll a smile ra gender not I like to live on no drugs

okay Henry let's see what we have on the line play back the responses to our little personal hey I'm like being put

up to this but like my friends I just wanted to know why do you next hey baby

it's Billy D and all I want to do is freak you all it's rain men next greetings

attractive earthland next if you're looking for a k*ller smile look now

further meet me at the deserted alley behind muso and franks at midnight tomorrow come

it's him either that or that Billy B fell wow H you guys are crack it's

almost midnight so we head to the the rendevu oh yeah Walter and I got it all worked out

so who'd you get to be the

girl I feel ridiculous you know you a fine looking [ __ ] you just doing this for a while to put

yourself through school right yeah College your Hard Knocks I'm a director hey you got the look baby hilarious not

forgetting around you got your M k*ller knife yeah yeah yeah whatever get it nice and

wet sh heads up this could be Dr l

you are looking very very sexy tonight my lady thanks you know back in my

country a girl like you would fetch many many C why don't you come out of there and

come on over here when it's a little

darker luck be a lady tonight here

CH don't yes baby come on thisiss I know you want

to this you fing God is so wild I am not that kind of

girl now you have insulted my Loy and the Lo of my ancestors and now you must

pay you

you k*lled Dr love no your African friend was just a run-of-the milk sex

offender this is Los Angeles but now the doctor is Henry

where are you Marcy you're Dr love Dr Terry Love

MD cist Pig D lovey deal for the love of a woman don't do the map J

some women like

women love sucks man Tri to tell you ain't love gr after and got the

scoop from the band driver that Henry hijacked act and they're able to match the Press from the m*rder weapons so I

am not going to jail for Life wow so what is it you think you learned from this ordeal there uh chanler well Ford I

uh I actually I learned a lot about life and love I learned that being a member of the Corp is a long and lonely Highway

with few rest stops but it's the price you pay to do good uh and I realize that loneliness is

something that you all been coping with for some time cut off from the loving relationship that you had while you were alive and

somehow that has all made me feel a lot closer to you

guys yeah well great work man jeez look at the time we got to go deck yeah

you're my main man don't change keep it up never thought he was going to answer

me hey man shake it off I'm sorry about charot

no you're right ignorance is bliss I never should have gotten involved in the first place well everybody new to the court goes through it CH you just have

to learn the Hardway that's all I did but you'll feel better soon love

sucks yeah hey you want to go down to that new to restaurant on Sunset for CH they got

some hot waitresses over there you mean the one with the bangs I noticed her the last time I was there yeah maybe she's

working tonight shut up it said come and get

me I prove you need me if you let me you know you never could forget

me your satisfactions guarantee and I said do you think I'm

crazy it took a he love to save me I'm heading home now to my baby

her love is all the proof I need