01x02 - The Watchcat / Pumping Irony

[bunniefuu]

Who's the sassiest, brassiest, classiest

cat?He's

Cliff. Who's got charm?

Who's got warmth?Who's got style?You can

bet he'll never get caught in the dog

catcher's net. He's

Cliff. Who's light on his feet?A wizard

of disguise?Who'll steal a mackerel right

under your eye?Heathcliff!

Here come his friends, a trio of creeps.

Dingbat. Blah, blah! The vampire dog.

Spariab the skeleton. And that

jack-o'-lantern of all trades, nobody!

It's the Heathcliff and Dingbat Show!

We're running out of gas there, Rib. We'd

better find a job soon. Don't worry,

Dingbat. Nobody will get us a job.

Odd Jobs Incorporated. Nobody's speaking.

Say, huhThis is

Chef Pierre. I seek waiters for my

restaurant. And I don't want just

nobody. No problem. You can have

me and my two pals, Dingbat and Spare

him. We all got

jobs as waiters. Two Pierre's

restaurant. Charge!

There's the restaurant. Okay, Dingbat,

pull in.

Where'd you learn to drive, Thingbat?The

Transylvania Toine Python?What have you

done to my restaurant?We

made it a drive-thru! Blah, blah,

blah! Don't worry, Pierre. We'll fix

it. I want this place in

order. Immediately!

You want to order?But we're not open

for business. Yeah. Bounce that guy

out of here, Dingpat. We got what to do.

Oh, boy, I get to bleed the

blonter. Blonty, blonty,

blonty. Blonty, blonty, blonty. Come on,

Dingpat, lay one in here.

Two points. Let

me out so I can file the dog.

Uh-oh. Let her bleed it.

Where is the dog?Uh, no one

here but us. Blood. Hey, bad.

Oh, perfect. Just what I need for my

famous recipe. Bad boy of

this. Blood, boy, you blaze.

Come back. I don't get him.

You have caught him. I shall

get the other ingredients.

This is the gooiest dog blast I've ever

taken. I can't

find the carrot chopper. No problem.

Use my vegetable-o-matic.

And now for my famous ingredients,

the carrots.

Now where is my ladle?

Here, I got a spare one.

Hey,

that's my

bone.

Sacred black and blue. My

kitchen is ruined. What am I going

to do?Don't worry, we'll clean this

mess up and have the restaurant ready

before the 1st customer gets here.

Waiter. Waiter.

I think I spoke too soon. Waiter.

Let's go. What do we do?You guys

cook. I'll check the customer. Yes,

Sir. I'll take the house

special on the way.

OK, guys. He wants the haunted house

special. Good thing we're well stocked

with Instabrew. Hmm

I'd let her give it a taste.

Hey, you poopy canine creep. Not bad,

but it needed more eye of note.

Eye of note. And toe of frog. Leg of

fighter. And tail of dog. Tail of dog.

Watch it, bluster. Cut the comedy,

creeps, and let's go.

Right. Too much eye of Newt.

Perhaps you'd care to order something

else. I'll have spare ribs and

pumpkin pie. One order of spare

ribs and pump, pump, pump.

You don't really want pumpkin pie, do you?

Yes. Maybe

I should get into another business.

Umm What?

Nobody help save me.

Did Monsieur enjoy his?Oh, no!

The restaurant critic! Oh, please!

Please don't gong my restaurant!

Well, if I say so myself, we

did a freshly good job! Blah, blah, blah!

You have ruined me! I must join the

French Foreign Legion! You've made the

perfect mess of everything!Well,

nobody's perfect.

You can say that again.

We now return with the Heathcliff and

Dingbat Show.

Once upon a time, long ago and

far away, there lived a little cat

with a little boy and a little grandma

and no money.

Everyone was very, very poor

and very, very hungry. The little

boy was sent off to sell the family cow

so that they might have some food. Our

price Holstein will fetch some big bucks

at the market. Frankly, kid,

that old cow ain't worth nothing. But

since you're a new customer, I'll give

you a break. I'm going to trade you some

magic beans for that worthless cow.

Magic beans. These magic

beans will bring you great fortune.

You'll be rich. They've already made

me a wealthy man. Well. And it's a

deal. Oh, you sweet talk me into

it. Come on, Cal. So long,

kid. You traded a prize

Holstein for a few beans?But they're

magic beans. They'll make us rich.

Someone's going to have to put this boy

in touch with the real world.

What?You traded a prize

Holstein for a few beans.

God must have loved poor folks. He made

so many of us. Well, tomorrow's another

day, unfortunately.

Hey, what is this?A

germinating magic bean?A

vigorous little pig. You might even

say aggressive. I mustn't

get carried away. Every time I go to bed

without eating, I get these bizarre

dreams. But soon I'll wake up and

be back in control again. Well,

very expensive real estate. Whoever lives

here ought to be able to maintain a

pussycat of my diminutive statue

in a manner to which I could easily

become accustomed. Check

this place out. It's pure fairy

tale, a castle in the sky. A

sleeping giant and a goose that

lays golden eggs.

Frankly, I'd prefer to be

free and in Philadelphia. Uh

oh, my, what a big paw.

Kimmy, any final requests, little

fat cat?Well, I always wanted to

see Paris before I die. They get it.

Oh, this boy could use a little spice in

his life. Here, have some pepper. It

clears the nasal passages

and stimulates the soul.

Gizzle tight, crab c*ck, smoked

salmon, and cherry gelatin.

Fresh bread with with lots of bounce.

Do you folks always eat this?Well, you

got a big mouth for such a teeny Kitty

and a taste for fine champagne. Won't you

join me?

Excuse me while I check out the fish

souffle.

The giant awakens. The plot thickens.

That pitcher better be full of milk.

Hot chocolate. One of my favorite

goodies. I

usually take only one lump of sugar,

dough.

Oh, this dream is developing into a dizzy

nightmare. Sheesh.

Open up and kiss your sweet pie. Kasper's

goodbye.

OK, I want her.

Sometimes I'm a bit hard to swallow.

I smell the blood of an Englishman.

Then you don't want me. I'm French

Canadian with a little Italian on my

father's side. That's close enough. My

dog needs a little exercise.

And I just love a good chase with a

strong element of danger.

Faster, you guys. I

want more action.

How embarrassing. Me hiding out in a

mouse hole. All my life. I've been

waiting for a moment like this.

And stay out.

This isn't very entertaining.

Just passing through. Very

roomy. Quite a vacancy in there.

Reez.

Missed by your nose. Uh, nothing

personal. I was aiming at that little fat

cat. That's where it's at. If you're a

cat, you know, it isn't smart to make

me look stupid, but it sure is easy.

Hey, Goose, your dream of freedom is

about to become a reality, and I'd like

to book a flight on the first goose out

of here. You got it, little Kitty.

I haven't been out in years.

Are the Dodgers still in Brooklyn?

Hey, Cliff, where have you been?

Well, you aren't going to believe this,

but remember those magic beans you

brought home?

Down to our last penny. And we still

haven't found a job. If we don't eat

soon, we'll all be nothing but skin and

bones.

Hello. Hey, leave my bones alone, you

mangy mutt. Knock it off and turn on

the creep too. Yeah, maybe there's some

news about the job situation.

Good evening, ghoulies and gentle

monsters. We interrupt our

unusual broadcast gift to bring you

a special news bulletin. Oh boy,

it creep hauntly. It was learned

recently that there is treasure

hidden somewhere in Mayhem

Mansion. Unfortunately, the

mansion is haunted. Therefore, no

one has been brave enough to claim the

treasure. With that treasure, our worries

are over. We're going to be the richest

creeps in town. Blood. He said the

place is haunted. It's probably full of

covenants, ghosts, blacks and right.

So we should feel right at home

to Mayhem Mansion. Charge.

This place is spooktacular.

Haunted house. Nothing

can stop Zeke from getting the treasure.

Listen, I think some bloody's come to

haunt the house. I've come for the

treasure. And if I see just one

ghost or creep, I'll grab him and I'll

break him and I'll bash him into a

million pieces. Let's

get out of here. We're not

leaving. He is. We're gonna use

every creep trick in the book to give

that goo the fright of his life. But he

said he'd blake us and blush us.

And the treasure's gotta be

in here somewhere. Boo!

Boo!

Looks like we've lost our creep touch.

There's only one thing to do. We've got

to brush up on our creep lesson.

Creep lesson #42

How to make objects float in the air.

Oh, boy, levitating objects is my

specialty. Now, point your

finger at an object and

concentrate.

That's it. Well done. I

couldn't have done it blather myself.

Nothing to it.

Okay, creeps, enough lessons. Let's get

back to the business of haunting.

Couldn't catch a blast!

Ohh A vampire bat! I know one

thing vampire bats can't

stand! Oh, no!

And you can! Blop garlic punch!

I think it's safe now.

This treasure hunting is hard work. I'd

better take a rest.

He's falling asleep. Now's our chance to

scare him away once and for all with our

creep storm. Yeah, then we can dig

up the blurry treasure and become...

Blur your bears. I'll cast the

storm spells. Bloils, blubbles.

Riddle and fluttle through a storm

on this auto.

When the storm breaks loose, he'll be

running home for cover.

Looks like there's been a change in the

weather. Do something.

It's those creeps again.

Yikes. We reached the dead end. What are

we going to do?

Hey, he never looked better.

Take a look at your new image. Blah,

blah, blah, blah.

Well, that takes care of that gold. Oh

boy, I found the treasure.

Maybe it's filled with sterling silver,

or maybe it's gold. If it is, I sure

hope it's 24 karat gold. Well,

you're half right. It's



All that hogging for nothing.

Well, at least we finally got a good

meal.

Excuse me.

We now continue with the Heathcliff and

Dingbat Show.

Today feels like my lucky day, and a

sharp Pussycat mustn't let it slip

uselessly away. Aha,

my wifey protagonist. Spike seems to have

made a hard fix on something of interest.

I must check this scene out. It's all

very clear to me now. A hungry dog,

a curious cat, and a man with a huge

sandwich soon to be without. Yeah, what a

fine scenario. I'll never finish this

huge sandwich. Maybe after a nap I'll be

ready for it. Opportunity knocks and

temptation lifts its head.

There's only one way to deal with

temptation. Surrender.

The tank's for lunch, but I really must

be cruising along. You're cruising for a

bruising cat. Hey, you have a

real knack for rhyme. And you've got a

knack for ticking me off.

Thank you. Score one for the Bulldog.

Uh, the invigorating thrill of a good

chase.

Thank you again. Hey,

who let this cat in here?

Everybody's got to pay some dues,

sometimes.

Score one for the short fat cat.

Put it on hold, Spike. Yonder goes a hot

lunch over the hill. If we don't get it,

somebody else will.

I got to stop that spike if I'm going to

get that pail. The inflatable Heathcliff

blow-up doll. A little helium for

lift. Not an unreasonable facsimile,

but they'll never replace the real thing.

Gotcha. Uh-oh.

That ain't him. Hey, I

have a horrible fear of height. Oh.

It's not like me to let a friend down,

but...

Hey, we were never too friendly

anyhow.

No more Mr. Nice Guy. You mean I've been

getting pre-fight treatment?There you

are. Hey, I'm not prepared for these

sudden revisals. It's only fair to

warn you, Cat. I'm into full-contact

karate.

Karate, huhI'm into solar

energy myself.

Uh, there is that elusive lunch.

And here it comes back this way. Let me

see. Where is it?Hey!

Excuse me. Your

luck has run out, cat. Good. My

luck hasn't been too good lately anyway.

Hey, now I'm ready for that huge

sandwich. You know, I'm lucky it wasn't

stolen while I was sleeping. I suppose

you've got one of your corny cliche

sayings for this occasion. Well, how

about you win some, you lose some?

Easy come, easy go. Cheetahs never

prosper?54-40 or fight?

Tippecanoe and Tyler too?I

had to ask.