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01x13 - Star Trick / The Big Fish Story

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Heathcliff". Aired: October 4, 1980.*
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Scruffy Alley cat rules his neighborhood. Rejected monsters drive about doing odd jobs. Clumsy, lovable great dane gets into mischief without meaning to.

01x13 - Star Trick / The Big Fish Story

Post by bunniefuu »

Who's the sassiest, frassiest, classiest

cat?

Heathcliff! Who's

got charm?Who's got warmth?Who's got

style?You can bet he'll never get caught

in the dog catcher's net.

Heathcliff! Who's light on his feet?A

whiz of disguise?Who'll steal a mackerel

right under your eyes?Heathcliff!

Here come his friends, a trio of creeps.

dingbat. Blah! Blah! The vampire dog. The

stereo of the skeleton. And that

jack-o'-lantern of all trades, nobody.

It's the Heathcliff and Dingbat Show.

Blue and green! Blue and green! Stop

them, 'cause you're really mean!

Move it, you creeps! Let's show some team

spirit! Think and purple! Think and

purple! Show them yes, you're really

shy! Well,

at least he's right.

Why, you dimwits, I ought to...



hike!

Not this way. That way! Yeah,

you take it!

They look pretty bad for the pink and

purple team. They have no quarterback, no

halfback, and no coach. Our

team isn't finished yet.

Ladies and gentlemen, there's going to be

some substitutions. Sparerib will be

quarterback, Dingbat will be center, and

nobody will be coaching. 51 to

nothing. It looks pretty grim for the

pink and purple pussycats. Okay, Dingbat,

hike it on 1000.

One, two, three,

four. Both my squash you. Then I'll break

every bone in your bony buddy's

body. You can't

break my body's bones without

going through the great steam blast

first. At

least I could make an exception this

time. Blah, blah, blah! One

Tsk, tsk! Don't worry, Spare Rib. I'll

put you together again.

Let's see. The foot blonde's connected to

the ankle blonde, and the ankle bones

connected to the leg blonde.

And the leg blonde's connected to... the

hot dog blonde! Blah, blah,

blah! Give me back my bones!Get

back in that game and use creep plane

number two! Right, Coach Nobody!

Okay, Dingbat, hike!

Time to go up on the high-slide log!

Catch, Dingbat! I

think I'm going to pass out!

So what else could go wrong?

Stretcher! Okie dokie!

Ah, you're as good as new. Now, get back

in that game. It's

fourth down for the Pink Pussycats.

Okay, creeps, we've got a kit for a field

ghoul.

Now the ball won't fall.

The Big Pussycats have tied the game with



The Blue Bruisers have intercepted the

ball. What's this?Look out.

First down for the Blue Bruisers with two

minutes left on the clock. Okay, you

half-wits, the score is tied. And we

gotta beat those flat-footed football

bullies if it's the last thing we do.

I I think it might be the last thing

we

do. 44, hike!

Hey! Here,

you

take a thing back.

Uh oh! I think we've

got trouble. No

problem. I'll move down with the old

snapping jaws play.

Touchdown. The Pink Pussycats win



We win. Right. And we didn't need no

bloody help to do it.

HuhWho do you think was the football that

scored the winning touchdown, you, you

lame, green, half-witted, bat-brained

nerdlings?Could I catch you?I'll

stomperize you. I'll pulverize you.

We now return with the Heathcliff and

Ding-Bat Show.

Stupid Heathcliff. Thinking he could

filter all my deliveries today because my

brilliance won out as usual. You

see, not a Heathcliff in sight.

Therefore, delivering 1 quart of milk

today has proven my superiority over that

foolish feline.

My milk's vanished. Impossible.

Unless. What's this?

An orange stripe milk filching azalea

Bush. He took my bait for the perfect

bushwhack.

Thanks for the warning, Heathcliff. Hey,

Milkman! Ohh Hello, sir. Hello,

and goodbye. You didn't deliver my milk

and you tore up my bush. You're

fired. Maybe you need a rest. You look

bushed.

Not one delivery today because of a cat?

A likely excuse. Oh, but this is your

last chance. Deliver this bottle to my

house, or you're fired. No

problem, boss. Oh, yeah?

No problem at all.

Now, that's what I call service

hand-delivered.

Oh no. That felonious feline got my milk

after all. Or so he thinks.

Charge. Now to find a quiet spot for a

milk out. I'll take that. Loser.

Loser?Obviously that is a challenge that

cannot be ignored. A

simple delivery and my job's assured.

So, it's the old

scaffolding of the skyscraper caper, eh

Made it.

Right into my waiting hands.

HuhWhat comes up, goes down. Uh,

yeah, that's true.

Wrong way. For once, he's right.

You'd think he'd realize by now he's

outclassed

to the victor. Go to spoils. True,

how true. And now,

there, Chief Fleabag! Whoa, whoa,

whoa! To victory!

I'll take that. Not so fast! Of course,for

sure I've heard a clunk. Now that I've

trapped you, give me the milk. Uh,

first things first. You're right. And my

milk's first with me.

Gee, after a fall like that, I better

check.

After all, bottles break, you know.

Gladly, since I saved my milk. Whose

milk?Catching the fastest cat in

town's a waste of leg power. Boss,

I'll stop you, cat. Oh no, hold it, time

out. Oh, very well.

Okay, time in. Now you're as good as

caught. Not when I've just been jogging.

Show off.

Oh, that overconfident cat is going to be

in for a big surprise. He

thinks he's fast. I'll show him

fast.

I won.

So I'll give him this round, but the

game's not over yet.

Ah, a bit dusty, but it's mine. All

mine. Stopping,

backing up. What's that driver up to?

Snap. Ah,

Heathcliff's neighborhood. And

there's the culprit, as I surmise.

Blow it away and haul up fast!

At last, I can enjoy my h*m*

repairs. Not with my milk, you

don't. HuhI can't believe it.

He won. I don't believe it. I never

lose. Uh,

the boss's house. Not only did I beat

Heathcliff, but I saved my job.

It's about time. Now for one of my

trickier tricks. Maybe

I'll even get a raise. It's about time.

Let's have my milk. And from now on, give

Heathcliff all the milk he wants. Oh,

sure, boss. It's your dairy. And besides,

life will be so much simpler now.

Yeah, that's true. Here's to the

simpler life.

Haven't you got breakfast ready yet?We're

supposed to be going hiking.

Just finished, Bloss. Uh oh,

a little speck of soot.

Now I'll have to start all over.

You...

Grimacing gargoyles. What the heck is

that contraption?Oh, this?This is my

portable 10-in-1 free camping tool.

It's an electric toothbrush and a

can opener.

It's also a campfire lighter.

And it even cuts firewood!

Hey! Stop that pig! Zoink, please! Hey,

where you going?I'll save ya!

Come on!

You nodding-headed noodle-heads, you've

reached the end of your rope!Uh oh,

look! I don't think

we need that much firewood! We've

gotta stop that crazy machine before it

cuts down the whole forest. Move it!

Can't you cut down a tree any faster than

that?Louis the Lumberjack is the

fastest cutter of trees alive!

Quit, up on that rock!

Those 3 creeps are the fastest

woodcutters I've ever seen. Louie, you're

fired and you

creeps are hired. Looks like I got

us a job, but you better have a whole

load to the mill by tonight or

else. Spare rib. Get

that saw and let's get to work.

Uh oh, I think it's broken.

Those creeps think they can take

Louie's job, huhHeh, I'll fix

them, but good.

This ought to flatten those creepsinto...

Hey, look, here comes Moey. Come

on, let's go see what he wants.

What can we do for you, Mr. Lumberjack?

You can stand right here.

Certainly.

These creeps are starting to give me an

ache in the head.

Come on, you bat brains. We have to get

those trees to the sawmill or we'll lose

our jobs. Move it.

Come on, Spearin. Push. Put some

bone into it. Okey dokey.

That's more like it. Dingbat,

go see what we hit. Blood, of course.

Uh ha, a believer dam. All right, Mr.

Belieber, you get this dam out of the way

or the Great Dingblatt will

fly away.

You ought to get them unstuck.

Now that's for like it.

Instead of going to the sawmill, they

will go over the dangerous Rapids.

A work in the river.

Which way do we go?The sinuses. The

sawmills. That way, you bonaramus. Oh,

I get

it. Now that I got rid of them, I can

get my old job back.

I think I hear the sawmill just ahead!

That's not the sawmill, you creepy

canine! That's a waterfall!

Spare it! Stop this thing before we

go over! Okey dokey! I'll

take care of everything!

See?Nothing to worry about!

Whoa! Those three creeps couldn't do the

work of one Louie. They run

off. Go bye-bye. If they don't show up

with the logs by the time I count three,

they're fired. One, two, three...

You creeps are late and you haven't got

the logs. You're fired.

I think it's time to blanch out. into

another business.

That's it! Louie has lost all his

patience. Now he crushes the

creeps down to sharks.

Yay!

We now continue with the Heathcliff and

Dingbat show.

Tony, your hot dogs are the best.

HuhMy hot dog vanished. How?

I don't know. It was just a blur of black

and orange stripes. Black,

orange stripes?Heathcliff!

I'll track 'em down with tested police

detection techniques.

Uh-oh. Here we go again.

Aha! Now this

trail's getting hotter.

It's about time. At first this Danger

City dump pit sign's gotta go.

Now he can follow my tracks.

So... That klutzy cop will never find me

here. Klutzy cop, huh

That feline will never know what fell on

him. I'm going down?He's cliff! No,

no Ordinary police techniques are

useless. I must go undercover.

Any fish scraps today?Sure. Catch.

Wow, this will keep me in snacks for a

week. He took the bait.

First, you don't need tenderizing.

Now to chop it up.

Cha-cha-cha-chop.

A hollow fish.

Undercover Officer Casey.

That cat can outsmart me, but he'll never

outrun me. Or maybe the law is going to

get off my case. Or maybe

not.

Whoa! Ha! Gotcha, heat clip.

HuhYou'll never get away from blazing

biker Casey.

Uh-oh.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Watch

me make this jump.

You c-c-c-can't escape. I c-c-c-can

still r-r-ride r-r-r-rings around

you. Not like this?

What say we call a truce before an

accident happens, huhThere'll be an

accident, all right, when I flatten you.

My, my, my motorcycle.

I can't even arrest an ollie cat.

Maybe we can make a deal.

What kind of deal?Listen,

camera.

Right. I'll just

drive you off my beat. And I've done my

duty. Anything else, Heathcliff?

We'll discuss it when we make tomorrow's

deal to keep me off your beat. You

beat. You're coming back.