Heads of State (2025)

[bunniefuu]

And with approximately 140 tons

of overripened tomatoes,

La Tomatina remains the world's

greatest annual food fight.

Throwing it back to you at the studio.

We'll ketchup later.

Ooh. Ouch.

-That was painful.

-What?

All right, that wasn't my best tomato pun,

but it was vine.

Wasn't it, Francis?

You know, boss, you don't need

to give a fake broadcast.

You know

we're on a mission, right?

Okay, easy.

You have your process,

I have mine. Simple.

Now let's zip it and keep

our eyes peeled for Gradov.

Seriously, Coop, the "ketchup"

line was strong, yeah?

Noel, as your oldest friend,

I can definitively say

that was not punny.

That's why I don't go big game hunting

without you CIA boys.

Speaking of, we got a lion

in the crosshairs.

Gray hat and jacket,

pink shirt, heading southwest,

matching the target's description.

Walk faces and run it.

Okay, pink shirt, pink shirt.

Okay, I got him.

But I can't confirm it's Gradov.

Cho, you got anything?

That's a negative.

No-go for facial recognition.

Wait. I think I'm staring right at him.

20 feet from me, right below you, Coop.

What?

Ah, sh*t.

Guys, we got two potential

Gradovs on site.

Three.

sh*t.

He's got decoys in play.

Stay on your mark, Jacks.

Talk to me, home base.

Still no facial recall.

It's like they know

where our cameras are positioned.

Get me gait analysis.

We'd have to request a patch to Echelon.

Then request the patch!

Director Adams?

We have a request for a real-time patch.

It's a joint MI6-CIA capture

of a high-value target.

-How high?

-NSA priority.

Russian arms dealer Viktor Gradov.

First sighting in over two years.

Noel, target one is still

in the southwest corner.

Coop, I don't like this van.

Field, you're authorized

for a 60-second link

to Echelon's servers.

All the time I need

to pin the real Gradov.

It's a VW T5, Spanish plates,

registered to a rental company in Madrid.

What are you?

Field team, abort!

We've been set up!

Done.

Don't move.

Drop it.

Sugar

Oh, honey, honey

You are my...

U.S. President Will Derringer,

amidst soaring popularity

at home and abroad,

touched down in London yesterday.

Derringer has stopped

in the U.K. for a brief visit

before he heads

to a NATO summit in Italy...

...president will be attending

a press conference

in his first face-to-face meeting

with the increasingly embattled

Prime Minister Sam Clarke,

now serving his sixth year in office...

...Derringer smashed

worldwide box office records

playing the Venom in Denim

with his Water Cobra franchise.

He then went from

b*ll*ts flying to tears flowing

with his heartfelt baseball drama

Sliding into Home...

We did it, son.

Made Mom proud.

...earning him

a Golden Globe nomination...

After only

five months in office,

Derringer is enjoying

historic polling numbers

and voter confidence.

With your help,

we did it at the box office,

and now we will do it at the Oval Office.

No.

Good morning,

Mr. Prime Minister.

Here's your brief for Thursday the 29th.

The economic minister will announce

record low unemployment.

The refugee crisis in Poland

continues to intensify,

with numbers growing into

the tens of thousands.

Your early-morning meetings

have been cleared

for an urgent briefing

on a classified intelligence op

in Spain that ended in tragedy.

Seven CIA and MI6 operatives

have been k*lled.

Sam, I regret to say

that team leader Noel Bisset is missing

and presumed dead.

I'm so sorry.

Families of the fallen

are being notified...

You okay, boss?

And while the royals play host

to the American president and his family,

record crowds are gathered,

hoping for a glimpse of Will Derringer,

proving he's as loved abroad

as he is at home.

I just don't understand

what tornado has to do with anything.

Not tornados.

NATO, okay?

It's like, um, a-a group of friends.

Let's say, in this case, countries.

They-they get together,

and they make a pinky promise

if they ever see a bully,

let's say this guy,

and the bully attacks one of them,

they all got to join in

and stand up to that bully.

And that's when they start

dropping warheads on foreheads.

Hey, what?

Who let her watch Water Cobra?

-I saw it at Janey's house.

-Oh, you did?

Hmm. Okay, well, Janey's mom is now

-under federal investigation.

-Sir.

Scoot.

What time's the lecture at Cambridge?

Not till 4:00.

Meet you at Trieste in the morning?

-Yeah.

-Enjoy this.

And use it as a bonding opportunity

with the prime minister.

Please.

Don't tell me you're still mad

about the fish and chips thing.

He endorsed my opponent

in the heat of the campaign.

He had lunch with the guy.

It's hardly an endorsement.

Wasn't just lunch. It was fish and chips.

Look, you got off on the wrong foot.

-Sam's not a bad guy.

-It's not about bad or good.

He doesn't respect me.

This is where you're supposed

to say, "Yes, he does."

-He respects you.

-Way too late.

Is a man who got 83 million votes

from the American people

not feeling properly respected?

See you tomorrow.

Did you look over your speech?

Yeah. It's solid.

I'll hit it with some fireworks.

It'll crackle.

It's gonna be a good morning.

Won't be that simple.

Tell me.

Sideways op, Spain.

- Who was the target?

- Viktor Gradov.

Russian-born arms dealer turned extremist.

Right. Black market weapons developer

who got his hands on enriched plutonium

a few years back.

Yeah, that's when we took him

out of business.

Destroyed his manufacturing plant

with the help of a NATO task force.

We launched an air strike,

destroyed his whole facility.

After that, Gradov went off the grid.

Spain was our first chance

to move on Gradov in two years.

Where is he now?

In the wind.

NSA is scraping border entries

and airport screenings for noise.

Intelligence and Research

didn't have the chance

-to do their usual analysis.

-Bloody hell.

How many times I've got to say it?

We do not leapfrog intel.

About Noel, if you want to talk...

I don't.

We should warn Clarke's team

about Jack Gordon.

Jack always goes for the jugular,

and he will fry us over this Spain thing.

Did you tell

the president's comms director

that he must stick to the script?

-Yes.

-Good.

Hopefully he doesn't start writing checks

that we can't cash.

He still hasn't figured out

the difference between

a press conference and a press junket.

Oh.

-Mr. Prime Minister.

-Mr. President.

Yeah. We finally meet.

You know, it was a shame

that you missed the inauguration.

It was a hell of a show.

-Sure it was.

-Yeah.

Well...

Shall we?

Uh, wait, wait.

We should savor this moment.

I mean, this is... it's our debut duet.

-Duet?

-Yeah.

It's like I'm Dr. Dre and you're Eminem,

and we're taking that stage

for the first time together.

I'm Eminem?

Listen, um, about this terrible situation

-in Spain.

-Mm-hmm?

If it comes up out there,

I'd just steer clear of it.

-Let's just punt it.

-Punt it?

-Yeah.

-To where?

Well, to later.

Today's about NATO,

clean energy, light and bright stuff.

Light and bright. Okay.

You want to warm up together?

Do some breathing exercises?

I'm already breathing.

-Roger that. Well...

-Yeah.

Let's dance, I guess.

Hey, uh, just do us both

a favor out there.

No questions from Jack Gordon.

My guy.

And as of today,

thanks to this revolutionary

new technology

developed by both of our great nations,

we are now partners in energy.

The pebble-bed reactor is not just

an investment in clean energy.

It's also an investment in security.

Energy security is national security.

It is also an investment in job creation.

A whole lot of jobs.

And we no longer

have to deal with the Russians,

the Saudis or the Venezuelans on oil.

But we are keen to present

this global initiative

to our NATO partners in the coming days.

Okay. Questions?

President Derringer!

Uh, it's just been announced

that Water Cobra

is being expanded

into a cinematic universe.

Any chance you'll be making a cameo?

Oh, folks.

I promised the first lady

if I ever dressed up

as the Venom in Denim again,

it'd either be in the Oval boudoir

or for the White House

Correspondents' Dinner,

and you're only invited to the last one.

Prime Minister Clarke.

-Yes?

-The Daily Mail have photos

of the duchess and a new beau.

Any comments about your ex-girlfriend's

latest escapades?

Okay. Who has a real question?

Hey, hold on a minute.

Now, who else is tired of seeing

the prime minister as a single man?

I'll tell you what.

How about we get him

his own season of The Bachelor?

Who's with me?

Yeah! Let's do it!

Jack Gordon.

There are six dead British and Americans

in Spain this morning.

Can you comment on speculation

this is the result

of a failed covert operation to capture

known arms dealer Viktor Gradov?

Covert operations are covert for a reason.

That's all I'm gonna say on that.

That and Gradov's gonna wish

we caught him yesterday.

Because when we do get our hands on him,

he is going to be forming

a special relationship

with the concept of retribution.

We should also be using this

as a collective moment of introspection,

find out what went wrong

and learn from it.

Leaks indicate that Echelon

was accessed during the op.

Are you ready to acknowledge the existence

of a top secret surveillance program

which monitors all of our emails,

video conferences, phone calls...

Tom.

There's only so many times

I can say "no comment" to that.

I'll comment.

Our enemies should be afraid.

We have the tools

and we have the technology

to find and destroy them

if they challenge us.

We aren't making

any promises except that

we will work tirelessly to get results.

Well, we are.

The United States of America

is promising results.

President Derringer,

do you have a message for the families

of the men and women k*lled in Spain?

I've spent a lot of time

with Special Forces.

Trained with them, learned from them.

And what I have to say is

we must do better.

We will do better.

When you say, um, "trained with them,"

that was for an acting role, yes?

Yes, but, uh...

I mean, y-you've never served.

As someone who did serve

in the British Army,

as most of you know,

if I did have something to say

to the families,

I would say it to them directly.

I do not salute heroes through you, Jack.

To be clear, you never saw combat.

But with all due respect,

gentlemen, you're politicians.

You don't equate yourselves

with actual heroes, do you?

Well, that was a sh*t-bath.

Socials are lighting up.

Hashtag "commanders in beef" is trending.

g*dd*mn it!

You knew Jack Gordon was trouble.

I warned you.

My town. I'll call on whomever I want.

Let's take five.

You know,

I'm not afraid of the press.

Not all of us have a compulsive need

to be liked by everyone.

With all due respect...

I know you like to fight

his battles for him, Simone.

Your presidency is in diapers.

You're on a learning curve.

- I've been on this slog for six years.

- You?

I fight my own battles.

You, you want to talk numbers?

Your approval ratings,

that's a great place to start.

Unlike you, I'll take results

over likes on Instagram.

You-you clearly don't care

about what people think.

You called for a collective moment

of introspection?

Let's just say I'm more concerned

with how people pay their mortgages

and send their kids to university.

Oh, for sure, 'cause God knows

there's nothing the public loves more

than politicians giving them homework.

Is this about the fish and chips thing?

'Cause if it is, just say it.

I am not mad about the g*dd*mn

fish and chips thing.

Enough. Neither of you were

at your best today.

Agreed.

We need to give this a short shelf life.

He's right. Change the narrative.

Turn this into an opportunity.

To show that you guys are united.

I've got it.

You fly to Trieste together

on Air Force One.

I don't know if we have enough room.

No, I'm good, thank you very much.

And besides,

I have to be in Warsaw tonight.

Hear me out, all right?

You both do 35 seconds

on the airstairs here in London,

waving and smiling, pit stop in Warsaw.

You'll be in Trieste by breakfast.

By that time,

pictures of you on those airstairs,

a vision of solidarity,

will be on the front page

of eight out of ten newspapers

all around the world.

Quincy.

Bradshaw.

I am the President of the United States.

I don't share the stage with anyone.

Hitch a ride? Is that your solution?

It's a guaranteed

three-point bump in the polls.

Look, we are in the early days.

You've got to show you can make friends.

Right now we need him

more than he needs us.

Sam, take the win.

Take the flight.

Will you be there?

I'll go with the advance team.

Quincy and I will foam the runway

with the press in Trieste.

Mr. Prime Minister.

Would you do me the honor and fly with me

aboard Air Force One?

I'll be honest.

It kept me up all night.

How is it that I hire

the best sn*per money can buy

and he misses the one shot

meant to protect

the most important man

in my entire operation?

Yeah, thanks,

but we're all just doing our part.

Pieces of a puzzle, patches on a quilt...

I assumed

it was faulty equipment.

But now I know it was human error.

Like you say...

"Everything that happens

happens for the best."

Yes.

Come.

Sit down.

My mother was very fond of that phrase.

Yes.

She was a gadalka.

A fortune teller.

She read tea leaves.

She could see the future.

She saw mine and said that one day

I would be served a great injustice,

and it would be my mission in life

to punish those responsible.

And nothing or no one would get in my way.

It's been over

a decade since a U.S. president

has hosted a British prime minister

on Air Force One,

making this trip

one for the history books.

Check her out.

Fresh off the assembly line.

30-foot wider wingspan

than the previous model.

Can break Mach 1,

oh, and corners like an F-*5.

Surprised you didn't paint flames

on the side of it.

Ah, you're just jealous 'cause your plane

sucks and doesn't have a cool name.

Fellas.

We love Will! We love Will!

Mr. Prime Minister.

I heard you like rye.

This one comes

from my hometown in Kentucky.

Mmm.

Now, that is American exceptionalism

in action.

Thank you.

Enjoy, sir.

There he is. Come on.

Say hello to Prime Minister Clarke. Hey.

Be nice to him, Sawyer.

He's besties with Harry Styles.

Well, I don't know about that,

but next time he's in Washington,

I'll see if I can get you some good seats.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Nice to finally meet you,

Mr. Prime Minister.

Now, honestly, just-just call me Sam.

I'm so sorry we missed each other.

You two take care of yourselves,

and go easy on him, Sam.

We're still learning the ropes.

I'll try and keep him out of trouble.

Okay, hey.

Love you guys. Talk to you tomorrow.

You're good at that.

Good at what?

Being normal. Ish.

Uh, thank you?

You should show people

that side of you more often.

Start by ditching the bachelor status.

World leader who's unmarried?

Freaks people out,

leaves too much to the imagination.

What are they imagining?

I don't know, Eyes Wide Shut parties

or by night you're some masked vigilante

into some weird, unsettling sh*t.

Look, people want clarity.

Marriage gives them clarity.

It softens the image.

I'm confused. Are you giving me advice

or are you pitching me

on one of your sh*t rom-coms?

All right, I get it.

You don't like my movies.

I've never seen your movies.

Because Sam Clarke is the man

who does not like to be entertained.

No, it's 'cause I like actual cinema.

Come on.

You don't think I wanted to work

with Wes Anderson

or Bong Joon h*? Of course I do.

I'm classically trained.

Did you know I once did a play

with Edward Norton?

Mm.

But the universe keeps telling me

I look cool with a g*n in my hand.

A toy g*n.

What is it with you?

Walking around, thinking

you're better than everybody else.

First, thought it was a British thing.

Then I realized it's a you thing.

-I know Paul McCartney, okay?

-Wow.

He's put a whole lot more wins

on the board than you,

and he is cool as sh*t!

-Want me to take it up?

-I got it. Thanks.

And you know what?

I'm not gonna apologize

for wanting to be liked or loved.

We're blessed with two

of the most extraordinary jobs

ever created, and part of that job

is to instill hope.

It's to make people feel good.

Yeah, well, based on my experience, okay,

hope is just delayed disappointment.

Doesn't put food on the table.

Doesn't put a roof over anyone's head.

And if you want to focus

on making people "feel good,"

then you're never gonna understand

how to help them.

You are the commander in chief.

You're not some DJ in Vegas.

I don't need to be refreshed

on my job title.

Let's be clear about that.

Don't tell the captain

I snuck you his stash.

Thanks.

Move to intercept.

Just know,

once this honeymoon period is over,

there is only disappointment

in your future,

because this job, my job,

is about suffering.

Yeah, Nostradamus?

When that day comes,

maybe then you and I can sit down

and talk about it

over some fish and chips.

I knew the truth would come out.

There it is.

Oh, great. You did it, Agatha Christie.

You cracked the case.

Let's give Scooby Snacks to everybody.

Will, let it go.

You took my opponent for fish and chips

in broad daylight

in the middle of "Liester" Square,

and you knew photographers would be there!

First of all,

it's pronounced Leicester Square.

And, no, bollocks, he's an old friend.

I took him for lunch.

You knew there were

political implications.

Not all of us have some posh

Cambridge Mafia in Parliament

helping us get elected!

I busted my a*s to get to where I am.

I was born in a housing estate

and was never given anything

on a silver platter.

I worked three jobs to pay for Cambridge,

and then to the Army,

and then to community organizing,

and then Defence Attach,

and worked my way up through Parliament.

Now, not all of us got our political start

because some commercial agent

decided they like

-our G.I. Joe jawline!

-Watch it!

No, no, no! You went from modeling

your underwear to being on the red carpet

to having your finger

on the nuclear button,

all without doing a single day

of public service!

So, yes, mate, when I see you

play the role of president,

it makes me sick to my stomach,

because you know your lines--

oh, yes, you do--

but you're not believable in the part.

And if I could've endorsed

your opponent, yes, I would've,

because at least there'd be a real leader

in the White House

and not some embarrassing,

bullshit, popcorn president!

-What's that?

-You heard what I said!

No, what's that?

Sirs, secure yourselves in the office.

- Fasten your seatbelts. Sir.

- Yeah?

Take your seat, please.

-What's happening?

-Unidentified aircraft,

you're in restricted airspace.

Pull away immediately

or you will be fired upon.

All radios are out.

Comms are fried across the board.

Dear God.

-Ready the weapons.

-Yes, sir.

Oh, sh*t.

Uh, gentlemen.

Multiple inbound bogies!

Open fire!

Mr. President! Sir!

What the hell's going on?

sh*t. We got to get

to the back of the plane! Go!

Go! Go!

Stop sh**ting the drones!

sh**t the g*dd*mn plane!

Hold on!

Initiating emergency descent to 10,000

for cabin pressure stabilization.

Let's go!

There are parachutes in the back!

Here comes another wave.

We lost engine two.

Gonna lean into it.

Come on, we got to jump!

That way! Through the door!

Come on, sir! Move!

We're leveling out.

They're finished.

Let's go home.

Let's go!

Come on! Let's move! Quick!

These two should be intact.

sh*t!

We're going down in Belarusian airspace.

You'll need to get

to our safe house in Poland.

Rip it hard once you're out.

The chute'll do the rest.

We can double up.

Not a chance. Too risky.

What about all these people?

We all have our jobs to do.

Yours is to survive.

Get to Golden Mountain Mining Company

under the Gdanski Bridge in Warsaw.

Let me hear it, sirs.

Golden Mountain Mining Company.

Gdanski Bridge!

It's been an honor, Mr. President.

Oh, sh*t.

We have just received devastating footage

of Air Force One going down

over Western Belarus.

President William Derringer

and Prime Minister Samuel Clarke...

are presumed dead.

We're awaiting word

from the Pentagon

on the potential cause or suspects.

No groups are claiming responsibility

for this tragic loss.

An emergency session of Parliament

is convening

to discuss succession strategy,

while moments ago

V.P. Elizabeth Kirk was sworn in

as acting president in Trieste, Italy.

...where gathering NATO leaders

are offering their condolences

and unyielding solidarity.

What was meant to be a celebration

of the North Atlantic Alliance

is now a time of unprecedented

shock and mourning.

Oh, geez.

You okay?

Yeah. You?

How the hell'd they get on my plane?

With the help of someone on the inside,

that's for sure.

The Polish border

is about 15 miles that way.

On foot, we can be at that safe house

by morning.

No. The cavalry's coming.

Cavalry's not coming, mate.

Belarus will want to control

the crash site.

Won't be letting any planes

into their airspace,

and there's no way our guys

are sneaking across enemy lines

to retrieve corpses.

They have to assume

there are no survivors.

sh*t.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are you doing?

Calling my wife.

I'm letting her know I'm alive.

No. No, no, no, no.

No. No phones.

All right? Do as I do.

We just survived

the worst security breach in history,

so you have to assume

whoever wants you dead

is listening to communications, okay?

I'm calling my family

to let them know I'm okay.

And we should let

the world know we're okay.

News flash: We're not okay.

All right? If we fall

into the wrong hands,

best-case scenario:

they use us as a political football.

Worst-case scenario is...

they make an example of us.

Now put that down!

You know what happened to the last guy

who threw a shoe at a sitting president?

You're not sitting. You're hanging.

All right?

You know what? Piss off.

You want me to piss off?

-Yeah.

-Okay, I'll piss off.

I'll piss off all the way to Warsaw.

Enjoy living the rest of your life

as a bird sanctuary.

All right, don't piss off.

Would you just help me down

for Chrissakes, please?

There you go. Look at that.

An American action hero

asking me for help.

Even in his most noble moments,

he was still petty and mean-spirited.

I'm gonna drop you on three.

Three!

You all right back there, Derringer?

I'm fine.

Hearing a lot of panting and snuffling.

I don't snuffle, okay?

Besides, don't concern yourself

with how another man breathes.

Boundaries, guy.

Nothing to be embarrassed about.

Endurance is tough for guys like you.

Guys like me?

Guys like you. You know, gym strong.

-Gym strong?

-Gym strong.

As opposed to?

-Strong strong.

-Want to see gym strong?

I'll rip a tree out of the ground

and beat you to death with it, huh?

-Go on, then.

-What?

Rip that tree out

and beat me to death with it.

That's what I thought.

Silly thing to say, really.

Picked the biggest tree.

Dear God.

Think he's had the day off.

Who the hell did this?

We got a lot of enemies.

Right now we got to get home alive.

That's our job.

No, our real job is to find out

who did this and make them pay.

Look, I want to get them

just as much as you do,

but these things don't happen overnight.

We got to pick our moment.

Took us ten years and two wars

before we got bin Laden.

I'm not waiting ten years.

One thing for certain,

whoever did this got some big ba*ls.

There's no reason to think

this wasn't just phase one.

Tell the Pentagon

to move DEFCON status up,

and inform Russia, China and Iran

this is not a moment to get adventurous.

Don't challenge us

and don't think we're distracted.

-Yes?

-Echelon is standing by

-for system security update.

-Please.

This is Kirk.

This is Echelon Director Adams.

Please confirm voiceprint

and retinal scan.

Alpha, Echo, Bravo, Alpha, Charlie,

Zulu, Tango.

Voiceprint confirmed.

Biometrics confirmed.

Commence continuity

of government protocol.

Sir.

What's happening?

They're rebooting the system.

In three, two, one.

Almost there.

Someone's inside the system.

Uh, wh-what's happening?

We are now in control of Echelon.

Now we're talking.

There's our ride to Warsaw.

We can't just walk down

and ask them for a lift.

I'd agree with you, but you're wrong.

We can.

We're two of the most recognizable men

on the planet.

Ha. You're not even one of the most

recognizable British people.

You get my point.

The point is we need help,

we ask them for help.

What part of "keep our heads down"

don't you understand?

-You got a better idea?

-Yeah, I do.

I say we move fast,

creep along that tree line

and hot-wire that car over there.

Since when do you know how to hot-wire?

I don't, but you do.

You got busted at 16

for stealing your neighbor's Camaro.

Where'd you hear about that?

I vetted you.

You vetted me?

I'm the President of the United States.

You don't vet me. I vet you.

Well, did you vet me?

-Not the point.

-Yeah.

Come on. Come on.

Yeah, there he is.

Boys.

Oh, no.

We have incoming.

I'm going to talk to them.

- They'll give us a ride.

- No, no, no.

You're gonna start this car,

and we're gonna get out of here.

Trust me. I poll really well

with young men who drink beer.

I speak their language.

Except you literally

don't speak their language.

Cinema is the international language.

-Watch the magic.

-Will. Hey.

Hey, fellas, how's it going?

We got a little turned around.

We could use some help.

It's me, Will Derringer.

You know, Water Cobra.

Huh, still nothing?

Nice watch.

-Huh?

-I think you should give him the watch.

Let me try it on.

This is a gift from Keanu

when we wrapped Carnage 2.

Yeah, well, I hope Keanu gifted you

some kung fu lessons,

'cause we're about

to get our asses kicked.

Man, read the room.

See?

That's enough!

On your right!

Oh, sorry.

Don't.

Stop!

I said, stop!

What have you done?

You are dead men.

Hey!

Ah, God.

You okay?

Get your asses home!

You half-witted cretins!

Yankees?

No, no, no. Canadians.

Why'd you say Canadians?

Everybody loves Americans.

Americans love Americans.

Today we're Canadians.

Trust me.

Where you go?

Across the border to Warsaw.

Papers?

No papers.

Okay.

I take you.

I have great ride.

Hang me, oh, hang me

I'll be dead and gone

Hang me, oh, hang me

I'll be dead and gone

Wouldn't mind the hanging

but the laying in the grave so long,

poor boy

I've been all around this world

Eh, it'll be great for our memoirs.

"Chapter 14.

It was exactly like when Churchill met FDR

for the first time,

just with an added splash of sheep sh*t."

Could be worse.

We're experiencing

the kindness of a stranger.

We're en route to safety.

Shortly after we get there,

we'll make our enemies feel

the ripple of our wrath.

Is-is that the...

Battle cry of the central character

in one of the most seminal

action franchises

in the last decade? Hell yeah.

What?

What do you Brits know

about slogans anyway?

"Keep calm and carry on."

You know,

that-that's actually like saying,

"Do nothing and continue

to do nothing," right?

Yeah, we don't all fetishize taglines

to the same degree.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah.

Well, here's what I don't get, okay?

If life is such a Mbius strip

of failure and futility,

why would you want to lead

an entire nation?

I just like sitting in musty old rooms,

arguing with boring old men

about tax code.

-Okay?

-That's a good one.

Seriously.

Why would you want to run

for highest office in the land?

Yeah, fine. Me first.

Did you know I didn't travel

outside the U.S.

until I was 28 years old?

First Water Cobra press tour.

And it was there I realized,

man, there are awesome people everywhere.

But the world is so damn fractured.

So I figured if I could use my celebrity,

even just for a little bit,

to bring people together,

wouldn't that be a good thing?

Okay. What's your excuse?

Certainly not about believing

you'd deliver people to better days.

I believe in better days.

In fact, this day has got me believing

in better days

more than any other day,

because any day would be better

than being stuck in the muck

with you and a bunch of...

You having a rough one, huh?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

Take it up with your security detail.

Or my security detail.

Or anybody on that flight.

Down, down, down, down, down.

Passports and documents for the livestock.

k*ll the engine and get out.

Maybe we could make a deal?

What?

Went up on the mountain

There I made my stand

Went up on the mountain

Think I'm ready to write

those memoirs now.

There I made my stand

r*fle on my shoulder

and a dagger in my hand

Poor boy,

I've been all around this world

Thank you.

Take this.

It was my pleasure...

Mr. President.

Good luck to both of you.

Sir, Echelon intercepted

security footage

from a CIA safe house in Warsaw

that just buzzed in two guests.

With all due respect,

we got what we needed

when we took down Air Force One.

Quiet your mouth.

And we kept our footprint tight,

so who cares if they live?

They die because I say they die.

They're alive. Warsaw.

Warsaw! Let's go!

You're alive.

Oh.

Okay. Hey.

-Are you crying because of me?

-Hell yeah, I am, man.

I mean, sir.

I'm sorry. Marty Comer.

Oh, well.

Station agent.

A huge fan.

Patriot.

Sam Clarke, British prime minister.

-Can we come in?

-Yeah.

Yeah, of course, of course.

Like, now?

-Yeah, now.

-Thank you.

Right this way.

Okay, so I know this sounds,

uh, bonkers, but...

What's the playbook on this?

For this?

Th-There is no damn playbook.

I mean-- And we got lots of playbooks.

Ones that account for pole shifts,

computers becoming self-aware,

space monkey attacks,

all kinds of hectic sh*t.

But, uh, none that contemplate

you two sauntering in here

after dying in front of

the entire planet's eyes.

So no playbook?

Let's make one.

They say never meet your heroes,

but to them I say:

You've never met

President William Matthew Derringer.

Your initials are WMD?

Yeah. Pretty bitchin', right?

Follow me, gentlemen.

Your timing's great, by the way.

The ambassador just recalled

all in-country personnel to the embassy.

It's a real nut punch

in a Ziploc bag out there.

And it ain't exactly a coincidence,

if you ask me.

W-Wait, what's not?

Well, first you two go down,

and then someone rolls a political grenade

into that NATO conference.

You guys didn't hear?

No, we've had a pretty busy day.

Well, apparently,

Echelon servers were infiltrated.

Two hours ago,

a tranche of classified documents

were leaked,

exposing decades of covert activity

amongst NATO members:

industrial espionage, economic sabotage

and the influencing of foreign elections.

And the real pisser?

These weren't acts committed against

enemy nations but against each other.

These were friends against friends.

I'm talking some real Monica and Rachel

season two sh*t.

I mean, tomorrow's summit's

gonna be a monkey knife fight

in a telephone booth.

Germany just found out

France embedded journalists

to influence their last election.

The Czech Republic wants Italy

kicked out of the building

for trying to tank their economy.

All while we're locked out of the most

powerful surveillance tool on this planet.

How many files are we talking about?

20,000 and counting.

It's the most damaging leak

of state secrets in history.

Someone is using Echelon

to tear at the very fabric of NATO.

Sounds like NATO has been

tearing at the fabric of itself.

Bet you're dying to say "I told you so."

Excuse me?

You ran your primaries on "America first."

Simone, I am allowing you to be

in this room out of respect for Will.

Allowing me?

But please don't ever insinuate

that I'm not all in on this alliance.

If NATO falls, there's no more backstop

against despots and dictators.

They run unchecked.

It could set off a series of events

that-that would

destabilize Europe

and the rest of the world.

We are talking about the potential

for increased conflict, chaos

and the very real threat

of w*r on a global scale.

We put our heads above water.

Call the embassy.

Let them know you have us.

No, we have to assume

all high command posts are compromised.

Bullshit.

We are in a secure U.S. facility.

You guys want a hit of these Pringles?

Last time I was in one of those,

we got shot out of the sky at 40,000 feet.

Hmm?

Make the call.

-Mm-hmm.

-Don't make the call.

Make the call.

-Hmm.

-Don't make the call.

-I can't make the call.

-I'm the commander in chief!

-Make the g*dd*mn call.

-The line's dead.

Is that normal?

No.

Somebody really wants us dead.

We're safe, we're in a safe house, right?

We got this.

That feel safe enough for you?

sh*t.

Not in the movies now, son.

Okay, listen up.

I'm gonna get you guys out of here,

but just in case things do go south,

best to beat a retreat

through the secondary exit.

That's a left out of here,

down the hall, make a left.

That's the bunk room.

Another right, you should see

a poster on the wall.

You punch through that poster,

you should be good to go.

Feed me, boys.

I can't stand it

I know you planned it

I'm-a set it straight, this Watergate

I can't stand rocking when I'm in here

'cause your crystal ball

ain't so crystal clear

So while you sit back and wonder why

I got this ... thorn in my side

Oh, my God

It's a mirage, I'm telling y'all

it's sabotage

So, so, so

So listen up

'cause you can't say nothing...

All of you in here! Now!

I'm out and I'm gone

I'll tell you now, I keep it on and on

'Cause what you see...

That boy's a nutter.

Maybe, but he's America's nutter.

That's a mirage

I'm trying to tell you now,

it's sabotage...

Let's move.

Listen, all y'all

it's a sabotage

Listen, all y'all

it's a sabotage

Listen all y'all, it's a sabotage

I can't stand it,

I know you planned it

I'm-a set it straight, this Watergate

Lord, I can't stand rocking

when I'm in this place

because I feel disgrace

because you're all in my face

But make no mistakes

and switch up my channel

I'm Buddy Rich

when I fly off the handle

What could it be? It's a mirage...

Get out of here.

That's sabotage

Go!

Come on!

No, no, this way. He said right!

Damn it!

No, no, Rambo! Come on!

Oh, found the poster.

Punch it.

Oh, g*dd*mn it.

-What's the problem?

-I can't.

You having a laugh?!

Come on!

Forgive me.

I think I k*lled that guy.

Only thing you k*lled is the wall.

I have to say, though,

you do look good with a g*n in your hand.

-You should go.

-No, you go.

Drop your g*ns!

We have them.

Coming down.

Noel?

Sam?

-I thought you were dead.

-I thought you were dead.

How are you not dead?

You two know each other?

-We...

-We worked together. Back in the day.

How'd you find us?

All right, I'll tell you!

Hey! Hey!

Long story.

Hey, where's your backup?

There is no backup.

I've been trailing Gradov since Spain.

-Victor Gradov is behind this?

-The g*n guy?

-Mm-hmm.

So you're saying

this is all payback

because we stopped him building nukes?

That way. Gradov wasn't building a nuke.

But he was a weapons developer.

He was, but his son wasn't.

Yeah, what's his son got to do with it?

His son was a scientist.

He was brilliant

and made incredible breakthroughs.

He was on the brink of onlining

the first ever nuclear reactor

incapable of melting down.

The pebble-bed technology.

Our pebble-bed technology?

The same technology I just told

the world that we developed?

You're telling me Gradov's son

invented it?

He was close.

He still needed the enriched plutonium,

which his father procured

from the black market.

Echelon picked up on that transaction.

Of course we assumed

it was to build a weapon.

So we did what one does

when faced with a nuclear threat.

You dropped warheads on foreheads?

We did.

Gradov's son was amongst the dead.

The operation was sanctioned by NATO.

We couldn't risk the chance

that he was building a nuke.

Millions of lives were at stake.

It was only in the aftermath we realized

what was actually being developed.

So with the help of Echelon,

we procured the schematics

for the pebble-bed tech.

Get back.

So we took his son's life

and then his legacy, huh?

Which we were about to take

a big victory lap for in Trieste.

Correct me if I'm doing the math wrong,

-but we're the assholes here.

-Okay, look.

Gradov's son didn't die because of us.

He died because he's the son of the devil.

Let's keep it moving.

Gradov couldn't have

done all this

without top-level security clearance.

Okay, so then the question is:

Who was Gradov working with on the inside?

Got to start with the guy

who put us both in that plane.

What?

You weren't supposed to fly with me.

Somebody put that idea

in your head, insisted on it.

Quincy.

A safe house was hit in Warsaw.

What are you thinking?

Could be Will and Sam?

There must have been something

in there worth going after.

We have to consider the possibility...

Did you not see what we all saw?

They went down with Air Force One.

I'm not giving up hope. Not yet.

None of us should be.

We need to focus all our energies

on this Echelon leak.

The rhetoric is heating up.

But if there's even a chance

that Will and Sam are still alive...

We put CIA on the safe house in Warsaw.

And right here in this building,

the focus is on stopping

the bleeding with NATO.

I want an audience with Italy,

Germany and France as soon as possible.

It's time these guys

stopped clutching their pearls

and get on with the business of leading.

It's my son. Excuse me.

Hi, sweetheart.

Simone, I appreciate

how much Will meant to you.

I know he was like a brother,

but he's gone.

They're both gone.

You need to start wrapping

your head around that.

-There's no way it's Quincy.

-How can you be sure?

He's been my chief of staff for six years.

I known him since university.

The way normal people know him

or the way you know people?

Ah, don't start that sh*t again.

Does he like bangers and mash

or fish and chips?

Ah, I see what you did there.

Sneaking the fish and chips

back into the conversation.

You must be exhausted

trying to figure that out.

Stop chipping away at each other.

We need to be on the same page.

Did she just hit us with a pun?

She loves a pun.

I tried to tell her

puns are for simple people.

-I love puns.

-My point exactly.

Guys!

Over here.

Come on.

Look, right now

the key is getting to Trieste.

Trieste? How far away

is the U.S. embassy from here?

They can help us.

We're not going to the embassy.

Wait, why won't anyone

let me go to my embassy?

What does everybody suddenly

have against embassies?

We have to presume

that all high command posts

are compromised.

Say that again, I'm gonna scream.

Not just a conventional scream,

a guttural wail.

Let's go.

Listen, I'm the commander in chief.

Okay, respectfully, sir, no, you're not.

The vice president was sworn in

a few hours ago.

And he has never been

commander in chief of anything.

The king is.

In fact, he's the only head of state

that's not an actual head of state.

Again, king.

You're just two guys

that are sh*t out of luck.

So let's go.

Come on.

Turn around,

bright eyes

Every now and then I fall apart...

You are now my package.

My mission.

And my mission is to deliver you alive

to the most secure location

on this continent,

and that is the NATO summit in Trieste.

And my best shot at keeping

this mission on track

is that train.

Pun, this time, not intended!

You seem very "locomotivated"!

Trying to make sure

this thing doesn't go off the rails!

Ha!

Well, that confirms it!

I died in that plane crash,

and this is hell!

I don't know what to do,

and I'm always in the dark

We're living in a powder keg...

Come on!

I really need you tonight...

-You good?

-Thank you.

Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time,

I was falling in love

now I'm only falling apart

Nothing I can say

A total eclipse of the heart...

About your team in Spain.

We've all lost a lot.

Look, I-I owe you a...

Please don't say an apology.

An explanation for disappearing

after Tripoli.

What happened in Tripoli?

None of your business. Go back to sleep.

Okay, first of all,

you didn't disappear in Tripoli.

You appeared everywhere.

You were on TV, newspapers,

social media...

I was running for office.

You were running away.

Was it love?

Were you running away from love?

Can you stay in your lane?

And you could have come with me.

On the campaign trail?

Like, go on breakfast TV

and share my mom's lasagna recipe

with the world?

We would have been together.

No, Sam.

We couldn't have been together.

I'm gonna go get something to eat.

Can I get you anything, Mr. President?

I'll have whatever you're having.

You got it.

I'm just gonna go out on a limb here.

You two did a little more than

work together back in the day, huh?

I mean, she seems nice.

A lot better than

that best friend chief of staff of yours

that's a sleeper spy insurgent.

We're not having this conversation.

Listen, man,

she's a little emotionally distant.

Great sense of humor, though.

Hey.

Why'd you guys split up?

And he's back. Back to questions.

Come on. What happened in Tripoli?

-Don't.

-Come on.

-What happened in Tripoli, Sam?

-Stop saying "Tripoli"!

Fine, what happened

in the capital city of Libya?

It's where I told her

that I wanted to run for office.

Are you happy now?

And why'd you want to run for office?

Oh, God, are you still going?

Why'd you want to run for office, Sam?

Because, because I wanted

to build a better world

for her and I to grow old in together!

That's...

...the most romantic

g*dd*mn thing I've ever heard.

Yeah, well, she didn't...

she didn't see it that way.

-sh*t!

-Whoa, whoa. We can talk this out.

I know you're both enamored

with the sound of your own voice,

but there's no more talking.

What the hell?!

Oh, sh*t.

Didn't see that coming.

Already short on time as it is.

Drop it.

Whoa, hey.

-Don't sh**t him.

-We need to hear him out.

You want to hear him out?

Let's do it on the move.

Come on.

All I wanted to do

was live my days out in peace,

but Gradov found me,

put his claws into me,

made me do things I never wanted to do.

But what's happening now,

what we've set into motion now,

it's a bridge too far.

I know you've figured out

there's an insider

working at the highest levels

of government.

And, no, I...

I don't know...

I don't know...

I don't know who the insider is.

I never saw them face-to-face.

But they helped Gradov get into Echelon,

and they helped him take down

Air Force One.

Then how do we find out

who this insider is?

Through Gradov's secure communications.

Communications I designed.

But you'll have to get off

this train right now.

While it's moving?

Gradov's got the eyes of God

at his disposal.

They'll have a team waiting

at the next station to k*ll you.

-Great.

-Great.

Look, there's a building in Croatia

I operated out of before

I ever knew the name Gradov.

Get to 12 Lavaska Street in Zadar.

There's a secure terminal there

on the fifth floor.

Give me your hand.

This prompt will run a program I designed

to trace communications he had with anyone

carrying compartmented security clearance.

Run the program, you'll find the insider.

You have to end this.

Gradov is insatiable.

He'll never stop.

Feels nice to do something good

for a change.

sh*t. Okay.

Okay.

You know what? We got this, okay?

Hell, I barrel-rolled off a freight train

in Death Jumpers.

No, you didn't. Your stuntman did.

Now? Now you want to bust me

on a technicality?

Sir, respectfully, no one

is barrel-rolling off of this train.

I think it's time to raise your heads.

-We have to call someone.

-No, no, no.

We have to assume that all

high command posts are compromised.

Yes, and if we resurface now,

the cover-up begins,

we never find out who's behind this,

and they get to fight another day.

So you'd rather jump off a train

that's going 40 miles an hour?

We've been taking this on the chin

for way too long,

and I'm done with being on the defensive!

Oh! Come on!

All right, hey!

Just tuck your chin to your chest!

Sure that's gonna make a difference?

Trust me!

I think he's okay.

Damn you.

Man up, Derringer.

You're the President of the United States.

Stars and stripes forever!

At the CIA, we had a saying:

"The strength of the organization

is the individual.

The strength of the individual

is the organization."

The collective that sits in this room

is the living embodiment of that.

And someone out there is manipulating us.

Trying to tear us apart.

So let's send whoever's

behind this a message.

Swing in the other direction.

Double down on NATO.

Let it be known

that if you try and break this bond,

it will only make us stronger.

Those are

lovely sentiments.

But what you're asking for

is predicated on trust.

And I don't trust anyone in this room.

-Chancellor...

-It's fine.

Let him walk.

He's in a campaign season. He's scared.

You know what I'm going

to campaign on in the next cycle?

Withdrawing from this alliance.

It's okay.

We can hold this together.

The U.S. will cover the cost

of their contribution.

That's what we all need, isn't it?

I think so.

More American arrogance

shoved down our throats.

There will be a vote held in the morning

with 25 countries already on board

to disband NATO,

including Italy.

I'll see you there, Madam President.

Man, the chin thing kind of worked, huh?

All right,

enough with the bloody chin thing.

You don't have a bloody chin

thanks to my k*ller pro tip.

Way to go, bro. You made her mad.

Thanks.

Geez, Hammond didn't have

an incredibly sexy taste in hideouts, huh?

Well, some people like to hide out

in old derelict buildings,

and others like to suck on sheep n*pples.

-Who sucks on sheep n*pples?

-Nobody sucks on sheep n*pples!

Okay. God. Geez.

-What floor?

-Fifth.

All right.

Come on, Gym Strong.

There's nothing here.

Hammond, that lying son of a b*tch.

Led us to a dead end.

Unless...

...he didn't.

Well, nice.

Okay.

Do you hear that?

That does not look like the cavalry!

Lock yourselves in the safe room.

- I'm gonna go handle this.

- No, no, no.

You're the only one that can

get the intel off the server.

-I'll hold them off.

-Sam...

What, do you think I've lost a step?

I know you've lost a step.

I just don't want you dying on my watch.

Just go.

We got this.

You're coming with me. I need your hand.

I've been shot!

You okay?

Yep!

Hand.

Okay.

Oh, sh*t.

Is he okay?

Yeah, he's holding them off,

but we need to go.

Come on, come on, come on.

Okay, we're in.

Abort!

Fall back!

-I got the insider.

-Yeah, it's Quincy.

It's Bradshaw.

Bullshit.

-Tell me where it says that.

-There are dozens

of communications between her and Gradov

going back almost 18 months.

Her digital fingerprints

are all over this.

-I'm sorry.

-You don't need to be sorry.

I'm gonna grind up her world

when I get my hands on...

It's stuck.

- You okay?!

- Yes!

Okay!

Sam.

We need to get out of this box.

I need you over here! Now!

-You see that roof?

-Yeah.

Get as low as you can, okay?

Get ready.

Drop!

It's handled.

She paid you extra

to clean up loose ends, didn't she?

And now I'm the loose end.

I'm sorry.

I know how much he meant to you.

We had this...

perfectly imperfect thing...

...that didn't fade with time or distance.

Knowing that someone loves

everything about the way you are.

Well, except the puns.

Sam hated those puns.

Yeah.

You know, for a second there,

I thought that the universe

did all this sh*t,

all this horrible sh*t,

just to bring us back together.

And I was happy.

Pretty demented, huh?

I just found out my best friend

tried to k*ll me

and wants to rip the heart out

of Western democracy,

so everything's being graded

on a curve today.

Yeah.

...with a vote on the future of NATO

set 30 minutes from now

and with world leaders

openly expressing their outrage and anger

at their allies and friends,

it seems imminent that after 75 years,

NATO is on the verge of collapse.

Yes?

Madam President.

Thanks for keeping my seat warm.

Will? How did you...

-I'm coming in.

-Tell me what you need.

I'm at the Port of Trieste.

Send the Beast.

Oh, and, Kirk, Bradshaw's behind this,

-so box her out.

-O-Okay.

Um, I-I'll hold off

the NATO vote as long as I can,

and-and just get here safe.

Mr. President.

You sure are a sight for sore eyes.

-After you.

-Oh, thank you.

Thank you, everybody.

The meeting will commence in 30 minutes.

Take them to the rally point

and do your job.

Don't disappoint me again.

It wasn't Bradshaw.

It's Kirk.

Of course it was the vice president.

It's always the vice president.

Kirk has them.

Don't let them get to NATO.

But Bradshaw's communications

were tied to Gradov.

Bradshaw was the decoy.

Kirk covered her tracks.

It's called contingencies.

You have your contingencies,

I have mine.

When I get high, I get high on speed

Top Fuel funny car's a drug for me

My heart, my heart

kick-start my heart

Always got the cops coming after me

Custom-built bike doing 103

My heart

My heart, kick-start my heart...

We got company!

Ooh, are you ready, girls?

sh**t him!

Take the shot!

Yeah

Kickstart my heart, give it a start

Woah, yeah

Baby...

Oh, sh-sh*t.

-Take the wheel!

-Okay!

Kick-start my heart,

hope it never stops

Woah, yeah

Baby, yeah...

Yeah!

Ha!

Kick-start my heart...

-Sam?

-Sam?

Hold her steady!

Okay, no problem!

My heart, my heart

kick-start my heart

Say I got trouble, trouble in my eyes

I'm just looking for another good time

My heart, my heart,

kick-start my heart...

How are you alive?!

Whoa

Yeah

Baby...

Easy.

I just kept calm and carried on.

Help her. I've got this.

Come...

Sorry, mate.

Yeah, are you ready na-na now?

Whoa, yeah

Kick-start my heart, give it a start

Whoa, yeah

Baby

Whoa...

Open the door!

Give it a start...

Is it bad?

Whoa, yeah

Kick-start my heart,

hope it never stops...

-Where are we going?

-I got you.

Don't go dying on me a third time, okay?

Oh, there's a knife in my leg!

No, wait, wait.

Maybe we should leave it in.

No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no!

-Wasn't that bad.

-Good. Okay.

Sam?

Punch it!

Get down!

Yeah

Kick-start my heart...

Whoa, yeah

Baby

I'm driving blind here!

Here! Sat view!

Nice.

Any other toys in this Batmobile?

Smoke!

Ooh, ah

Kick-start my heart...

-Turn. Turn. Turn. Turn!

-I will. I will. I will.

We did all of this to rock

Whoa, yeah...

Whoa, yeah

B-B-B-B-B-B-Baby...

Kick-start my heart,

hope it never stops...

The fridge!

What, are you gonna k*ll them with snacks?

Backup blood supply.

Take this,

you bloody b*stards!

That's the Beast. It's the Beast!

He's got a rocket launcher!

Sam, incoming!

Whoa

Yeah

Baby...

Kick-start my heart

You have now

reached your destination.

Effective midnight tonight,

Italy will be withdrawing

from the NATO alliance.

On behalf of the Republic of France,

we withdraw as well.

It's with a heavy heart,

despite my most strident efforts

to hold this alliance together,

on behalf of the United States,

I withdraw our...

Hold it right there!

On behalf of the United Kingdom...

And the United States of America.

...take it all down

several notches, everyone.

That's right.

You're not getting rid of us that easy.

And we're not getting rid

of this alliance that easy,

because we all have a job to do.

I get it.

You're embarrassed. You're angry.

But we need NATO.

We need partnerships.

We need to treat each other with respect,

embrace each other's differences

and lean into our commonalities.

To send a message to future generations

that we were here.

That we did the right thing.

And that starts by taking the fight

to the very real enemies we face.

There it is.

The inevitable conclusion.

The people elect a dopey actor

as leader of the free world.

Of course their country can't survive.

And you just sealed the deal.

-These people are our partners,

and we need them.

-For what?

We grow food. We pump oil.

We manufacture.

Meanwhile, we send our people

to die in their wars.

This is not a partnership.

We give, they take.

But not anymore.

The plane is going down.

We put the oxygen masks

on ourselves first.

These are all false alliances anyway.

False alliances?

That's something you know a lot about.

That's what kills you most, isn't it?

It's not that I'm a better politician

than you'll ever be.

It's that I'm a better actor.

k*ll them all.

Everybody, down!

Over there!

Get in here!

Get down.

Deal with her.

Now! We should go now!

That way!

No, no, no! That way! Go! Go!

Gradov!

Guys, come on! We've got to go!

- Sam!

- Will!

Noel.

Get Gradov! I got this guy.

She said she's got it.

Go.

sh**t him?

Hmm?

Get the g*n.

Oh.

Whoa!

Who's the action hero now, huh?

Will!

Good to go?

Try not to k*ll the wall.

I got him. I got him.

He's got to be in here somewhere.

I think he's out.

Let's dance.

Drop it.

Back up.

Back up!

There's nowhere to go.

It's over.

Not for me.

g*dd*mn it!

We're gonna let him get away?

We can't wait ten years to get this guy.

We're not waiting ten years.

Do you remember at the end

of Water Cobra 2?

You said you never saw my movies.

I know. I lied. I've seen them all.

They're classics.

But the one moment that

really cut through them all

is when Water Cobra sacrifices himself

to save his brother.

You know what I'm talking about?

Wise men say...

We go on three?

Only fools...

Three!

Rush in

but I can't help

falling in love

with you...

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin...

If I can't help

falling in love

with you?

Like a river flows

surely to the sea

darling, so it goes

some things are meant to be...

Take my hand

take my whole life, too...

For I can't help...

How's that for gym strong?

Hey!

With you

For I can't help...

Everything harpoons for a reason.

Falling in love...

With you

Two months after

NATO nearly disbanded,

the alliance is making hopeful strides

in rebuilding trust.

President Derringer

and Prime Minister Clarke

have been crucial in these efforts,

as new transparency measures

are being implemented

and there's a restored

sense of cooperation.

- Here you go.

- Cheers.

Nice.

You two gonna rekindle?

Uh, I don't know.

She's halfway around the world

on some covert operation.

We'll see how it goes.

Still a bit complicated.

Well, just talk her out of the cons

and into the pros.

Maybe she'll come around.

Actually...

you might be able to help me with this.

"Congratulations on your

big bump in approval ratings.

Guess you're not as

poll-arizing as you thought."

Okay, so now we got to hit her

with a pun back.

Okay.

Uh, it's, um, it's, uh...

"That's nice,

but it polls in comparison to you."

You know what?

I think I'm just gonna go with:

"Thank you.

I miss you.

Hope to see you soon.

Don't get shot."

You know what? That's perfect.

Before I forget,

two tickets to a meet and greet

with Harry Styles in D.C.

It's official.

You are now the coolest Uncle Sam I know.

Thank you. You hungry?

Oh, I'm starving. What's good here?

I ordered us a little something.

Here you go, gents.

Okay. All right.

Fish and chips.

Dig in.

You guys, um, got any, uh, ketchup?

No.

We do vinegar.

Yeah, these are fries.

This is not a salad.

Well, my country, my condiments.

-Mmm.

-Okay.

Okay. You know what?

Well, you come to the Oval Office,

we're doing ketchup.

Once you see the light,

you're gonna be stocking the, um...

What the hell's your office called again?

-My office?

-Yeah.

It's called "my office."

Boy, you guys are really afraid

of spicing things up, huh?

Oh, yeah. It's really spicy

to name things after colors and shapes.

You know what I mean.

"Hey, what should we call

this white house?

-Mm, the White House?"

-Don't.

"Hey, this office is oval.

What should we call it?

I know."

The Oval Office.

-Yeah, yeah.

-That's real spicy.

Hey, you got a problem,

take it up with George Washington, okay?

He died a hundred years

before the Oval Office

was even built.

Uh, why you gonna

bust me on a technicality?

Well, technically

it's not a technicality.

It's an insignificant detail.

No, it's a fact,

which is exactly what a technicality is.

When did you become a farmer?

- 'Cause you are milking this.

- Really?

Says you, the sheep nipple aficionado?

I don't even think

we need to talk about that.

You don't want

to talk about that?

No. No, we don't.

Lean on me

when you're not strong

and I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on...

Did I take one for democracy?

You bet I did. Right in the noggin.

But who would've thunk it?

This b*llet hit at the exact spot

where I had the metal plate installed

after my whole rotisserie grill debacle.

I mean, one nanometer either way,

I am not here sipping this Bahama Mama.

No, sir.

Am I a hero?

Sure.

Yeah, that's what the president

and prime minister say

whenever we talk on a semi-regular basis.

And yes, there's some light chitchat

about a cabinet appointment.

No big deal.

-Yeah.

-Sure thing.

Nice try.

I believe you.

Nice to meet you, Agent Comer.