Spermageddon (2024)

[bunniefuu]

TO THE ROAD

Valhalla. Avalon. Shangri-la.

Nirvana. Paradise.

The golden place has many names, but the path there is full of dangers.

But for the warrior, the journey is at least as important as the destination.

This is your destiny. This is what you live for.

And if you make it, you are guaranteed a place in history.

You become a god.

But should you fail...

...well, then you're screwed.

Because even if there is only one way to paradise...

...then there are infinitely many paths to the grave.

And none of them are pleasant.

Imagine the worst form of t*rture, and then take it times ten.

You can also be buried alive.

Or you could be trapped in some kind of plastic cup.

Yes, and then you always have the option of being eaten to death.

This is just the tip of the p*nis mountain.

We have even heard rumors that they are using our pain, our lives and deaths...

-as pure entertainment.

Should any of you happen to find your way to the egg yolk...

-so it doesn't necessarily mean victory - far from it!

Then the most difficult task of all awaits: the egg cell wall itself.

And you can't just crash through it, you only get through it if you're worthy.

If it's written in the b*ll*ts that you're the one who's going to penetrate-

-who will become one with the light.

And that's exactly why you're doomed to fail, Olle Semon Sprut!

The most incompetent sperm cell I've had during my career at the f*ck University!

Instead of listening to my lecture on ejaculation and the excellence of the vag*na-

-are you sitting there reading... What the hell does it say? "The body"?!

What kind of crap are you reading about in my class?!

All that matters are two parts of the body: the scrotum and the vag*na.

So why bother with the rest? This is where life begins, the rest is just dead meat.

The professor, with all due respect.

The rest of the body is connected to the vag*na and scrotum.

Intestinal system, blood vessels, nervous system, heart and brain. Perhaps especially the brain.

-I'm trying to understand the whole picture... -Heart? Intestines?

Do you think they have any significance for reproduction?

How were you supposed to fertilize a liver? Or an intestine? Huh?

You are seed, Semon. You are unlimited potential.

So be the best seed you can be.

-Okay, then. Oh my God... -Here. Good luck with the brainfucking.

Did you see the drawing, or not?

One problem remains: You have to get through the egg wall too...

I don't get the point, Cumilla. I'm one of thousands of millions of sperm cells.

Why would I think I have any chance?

-Good job on the lesson, gem. -Thanks, it wasn't a big effort...

I was being ironic, you b*stard. That was bad. You're dragging our budget down, you sheet stain!

If you touch Semon again, I'll rip your tail off and shove it up your a*s.

-so that you die from coming in your own as*h*le!

But what the hell, stop it! I was just kidding!

-Jizzes! A little well supported maybe? -You have to believe in yourself, Semon.

There is a difference between faith and megalomania.

-Do you have a choice? -We don't have to go out.

We can only stay here in the scrotum.

-Stay here in the scrotum? -Yes. Stay here in the scrotum!

Here in the scrotum, here we are fine

Here in the scrotum, you are happy and cheerful!

There are no condoms here and there are no diaphragms here

Here you can't be licked up by a woman or a man

Correct swings

is in the bag!

-But Semon, don't you want to try to become something? -Why? We're fine where we are.

Here in the scrotum of the man named Jens

A young man without any p*ssy-like qualities

Never goes out on the town, doesn't try any party drugs

No, he'd rather play computer games and eat cold pie.

He is the king.

over the scrotum!

-But hey, don't you understand anything? -Huh?

This sh*t has gone too far

It's become too crowded in this scrotum!

Everything clumps together here and it stinks of old krill.

No, I'm not staying, I don't give a damn what you want.

Because I have to

out of the bag!

Rap a little now, then. Come on!

But who knows what awaits in an unknown climate?

I defy all dangers with a faithful cumrat

But what if someone swallows us like we were soda pop!

That's what you have to expect when you live under a suitcase.

Quite impressive choreography!

If they stick to singing and dancing, there's nothing to worry about.

It's when they want to control the whole ship that we're in trouble.

Steer the whole ship? That will never happen. The scrotum can't think long-term.

They're just fooling around, stupid as pies. Oh, now I'm craving ice cream!

We passed the point of puberty. A long time ago...

Huh? And you're only telling me now? Have we passed?

Have you had it confirmed? By several? Was there a meeting I missed, or?

-Here in the scrotum I always want to live -Here in the scrotum is all too familiar

-Here in the scrotum I have my friends -Nothing interesting is happening

-There's no dancing out there -Every now and then you have to take a chance

So believe in yourself, a sperm cell sprung

Here in

the purse!

-This is going to be fun, isn't it, Jens? -It's nice to get away from the fossils for a weekend.

There are few things that beat that. - Am I right or wrong, Jens?

-Well then, Dad. -What are you going to do in the cabin, then? Go for a walk?

Yes, maybe.

-Maybe go fishing? Play Monopoly? Hide and seek? -Draw? Paint? Go on a treasure hunt?

-Put a snarl on the pig? sh**t bottles? -Throw a horseshoe? Break an arm?

-Call upon evil spirits with a seance! -Browse through old newspapers and laugh!

Or pretend one of you is multi-disabled!

Well, it'll probably be like last year. Watch a movie, play some games.

Dude, come on now. Games and movies? Oh my God! Damn nerd, that is.

It wasn't like that when we were young and horny. Damn it!

Do you remember that trip to the cottage? How pissed off I was?

-It's not worth sharing with Jens. -I was so packed!

-Peter, we won't tell Jens that... -I threw up all over the cabin!

And sh*t on me too. Remember? Literally, I sh*t my pants!

-Peter, that's enough. -Then I'll get in the car.

That's when we hit the neighbor's dog. I didn't see it, I was drunk.

It died on the spot. The intestines and everything just floated out.

-That's when the cop showed up. -Yes, that's right.

I actually got two months in prison for it.

But damn, that was cool! It's just not cool anymore.

The youth of today are so woke. "Not me, I'm politically correct!"

-Peter! -But look how you drive!

Lightly salted, lightly salted, grill chips, sour cream and onion, barbeque... Yummy.

Hello...

Here you have the backpack with clothes and sleeping bag.

I almost forgot... Your bag full of teenage snacks:

-Sugar, cheese sticks and a lot of soda. -Thanks, Dad. -Mom!

-Peter. -Yes, I will.

-YES, Jens... -Hello then, old man.

-There was one more little thing. -Yes?

This is something I should have said earlier, but...

-You know how it is with flowers and bees? -What?

Flowers need pollen from another flower to... To reproduce.

-Is that true? Sick. -Didn't you know that?

No, I thought flowers just popped out of the ground, like.

But now I f*cking think... Are you stupid? Did you really think that?

The boy flowers, they get help from bees-

-by putting pollen into the girl flowers.

They often do it for fun. They are not always keen on a baby flower.

-Why are you bringing this up now? -Regardless...

The point is that bees don't necessarily want the best for the flowers.

So then the flower must dominate the bees. The flower is the boss.

Is that a metaphor?

Because if you're talking about sex, I've been watching hardcore porn since I was 13.

Then of course you know everything about this little rascal too.

Kdis. Or rubber, slush funnel, sausage skin, poop bag, or condom.

They say it's like eating caramel with the paper on, but you know what?

I think it tastes better with paper on it.

-Do you want some? -No thanks, Dad.

All right, Jense-man. Have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't have done.

Seriously. Don't do it.

-Well, guys. -What happened, then?

-Here, Jens. -Where are the girls?

-They came yesterday. -Then we can move.

We can't leave the girls alone, there are moose here. Lisa has moose phobia.

You, Semon. Can't we go and practice some swimming this weekend? Improve your technique.

I can show you Jizzmo's training program.

I just got the new "c*m of Duty". And it's supposed to be awesome!

It has Open Vulva Zero-f*ck Exploration and free-to-play butthole-royal mode.

You can't just play games. You have to acquire skills in the real world.

Cumilla. Please chill out.

The odds of us getting to the egg first are one in many billions.

And speaking of Jizzmo, we both know who will come out on top when that day comes.

-Why pretend to be something else? -At least Jizzmo has the right attitude.

-He's cool and handsome... -He's definitely not handsome!

Look at them, those little meatheads.

Insects, small bugs.

Millions of little worms running around as if they mean something in this world.

"You can become anything you want, as long as you believe in yourself!"

Yeah, right! What's next?

Maybe we should vote on which seed wins the race - with one choice!

No. Victory goes to the one who masters the game in all its dimensions.

It's not enough to use your tail. You also have to use your head.

-The head, yes... -Cumrater.

After Spermageddon, you will take over this empire.

After I, who chose you, have fertilized the egg.

So let me introduce the innovation that will help me along the way.

Ejaculator 9000!

The Ejaculator 9000 has everything it takes to win.

Egg cell detector, double defense shields against spermicides-

-diaper-penetrating projectiles, chainsaw gloves-

-and last but not least...

...twin propellers.

Mr. Jizzmo. Not to be a bore, but...isn't that a bit of a cheat?

It's not cheating if you don't get caught.

Allow me to demonstrate. - Activate demonstration program!

Demonstration program activated.

Mr. Klggns. Swim towards me. Come on.

-Right at me. Faster, faster. -No...

Activates anti-competitive weapon system.

- Ten, nine, eight, seven, six... - Yes, that's impressive, but...

- ...five, four, three, two, one. -...can't you turn it off, or...?

No!

Anyone else have thoughts on what approach we should take?

Excellent.

-Hello, Erigeriksson! Is everything okay? -Yes, everything is okay.

-Nothing suspicious here, by and large. -Nah!

Swim calmly!

Guys, we've all noticed it. The frequency of erections.

And all that damn masturbation.

Jens, our boy, is guaranteed to come, 100 percent certain, with zero reservations.

-to have sex very soon. Get a shot, roll in the hay-

-fry beard steak, copulate, dance bed polka, bang beaver-

-make love, shake the sheets, dip the d*ck, water the bacon rose-

-thumb in the throat, leaking basketball...

f*ck?

Yes, Strmsd. f*ck.

And soon we'll all be out of the bag.

Everything is timed and ready. Spermageddon is approaching, and we must be prepared.

This can be overthrown. And the more we are, the stronger we are.

But there's only room for one of us in the egg.

Correct. And I have a plan:

-Triples! -Tri... What did you say?

I have heard from reliable sources, Flensmark, that the egg is designed so that...

-Batch? Batch! -Yes, Vulva-Marie?

I've baked sugar belly cake again. Anyone want to try it? It turned out really good.

-Yes, thank you. Just put it outside. -You say that every time.

Now I've been slaving away in the kitchen while you men are just...

As I said: I've heard from reliable sources that the egg is designed like this-

-that just when someone penetrates, it's open to as many as they want.

Nirvana for everyone!

Triplets, guys! Triplets!

cl*max, Erigeriksson! cl*max!

It would be great if we could borrow one.

-Come on, guys! Damn, you guys are tough. -I thought you died on the way up.

Fun. Well! Glad you wanted to join us.

Then you can also carry a little. Equality and so on.

Red light! It's flashing! What's going on?!

-Just a blown fuse. -That wasn't "just a fuse"!

Can't we just go home? We can watch a movie! Play Fortnite!

Just reboot. This is what we do. We are the brains.

-Remember: The brain is the star. -The brain is the star...

There you go.

Well, Jens.

-Uh... Hi, hi, Lisa! -Do you need an extra hand?

No, no. I already have two.

It's Jens. The nerd who only thinks about Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and gaming.

You only think of Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and gaming.

I know...

-I know, I know... -Lisa? Lisa?

-God, how I hate nature. -Do you need a soda, Karl-Henrik?

-I brought some for everyone. -What are we going to eat?

We can have fries for dinner, maybe with some ketchup on it.

-Oh no! -You were responsible for the soda, you c**t!

What the hell happened? I must have gotten the wrong bag from Dad.

-No, no, no. This is a disaster. -Jens has already sabotaged the whole cabin trip.

-Sabotaged? What, then? -What do you have there, then?

One, two, three You're a wh*re, just like my mother is...

Rosalie!

Okay! Rosalita, you can...cluck like a chicken!

Okay.

Okay, let's go again, then.

-Jens! -Jens, you have to...

...neck!

With...Lisa!

Hang out! Hang out! Hang out!

Yes, I can do that, too. But it's also a bit up to Lisa.

-What the hell is going on? -All the blood is draining from the brain.

Nothing works. Where does all the blood go?

A brain without blood is brain dead! I'm pressing all the buttons!

-The whole system is completely screwed up! -Yes, you said it: Everything is screwed up.

Huh...? My chewing gum.

They say potatoes are not healthy, but they are a vegetable, after all.

You, do you feel like going out for a bit, perhaps? Or getting some fresh air?

Fresh air, that's really nice, I mean. That's life, like. Lovely.

It makes you wonder if they have photosynthesis on other planets too, or if...

Is he Ret*rded? Have we been hanging out with a Ret*rded guy? Or was it humor?

Hard to tell. The alcohol has started to seep into all the instruments here...

-Oh no! No! -Then we'll take a chance.

...prerequisite for all life.

Okay. Come on, then.

-So great to see you again, Jens. -You too.

Too bad you're only home in the summer.

Yes. Tell that to Dad, he was the one who wanted to take the job in Stockholm.

I can tell him to toughen up.

He can't drag his family around the country every year as a circus worker.

Maybe play it a little piano with that one.

Four beers. Four, man! I've never drunk this much before.

No? I drink berries all the time. Had a couple for breakfast, actually.

Okay.

Lisa, I have something I would like to tell you.

Ever since last summer, when we were hanging out and having a good time-

-and kissed and all that, I've been thinking about you a lot.

-Yeah. -Quite a lot, actually.

-Is that true? -Yes, I have.

-That was cool. And you? -Yes?

Honestly, Jens, so... I haven't thought a damn thing about you.

Yeah. I get it 100 percent, Lisa.

-Why would you, anyway? -Jens! I'm messing with you!

Okay! Oh, damn! Damn, you have a sick sense of humor, then.

I've been thinking about you a lot, too. And there's one more thing.

-As I've been thinking... -Yeah. What?

And that is...

Okay!

It's happening! It's happening now! The shot is near!

The moment I've been preparing for my whole life!

What's going on?! c*ck help us!

-Can you just...? -Yes, of course.

Then we'll see... Oh!

Now it's almost... Wait...

Yes!

-sh*t! Did it go well? -Yes. I've heard that love is blind.

-Oh... -Do you like them?

And...

Real guys.

Do you want to put them on?

I...

Initiating the Spermagedadon. This is not an exercise.

All swimming sperm should make it to the Ejaculation Temple.

This is the fattest thing I've ever experienced!

- Penetration initiate. -Yes, herrekuk!

What in the name of the d*ck are you doing? Can't you hear the signal?

-It's started! He's f*cking! For real! -Cumilla!

-They're f*cking soon! -Cumilla, I'm in the middle of something.

- Perfect c*m shot! Intercourse cleared! -Yes!

Cumilla! I had just impregnated the childless Barbara. She's kind of infertile!

-Watch out! -That was the worst.

-Are you okay? -Yes, I will. I'll...

Do you want?

I've never... Yeah, like I said... It's my first time.

Yes. Mine too.

Okay, Viking. Now take out your axe and cleave me!

And?

No, I... Isn't that what they say? That's what they did on Pornhub, anyway.

Yes, yes. You're right.

-Do you want to taste my big c*ck? -Yes, that's right!

Do you feel like getting it in your tight little p*ssy?

Yes! Stick your d*ck in me! I've been dreaming about your d*ck all day!

-You have? I'm going to f*ck you! -Yes!

I'm going to f*ck you hard. I'm going to f*ck you until you burst!

-sh*t. -A little too much, maybe.

God, maybe we should just stop talking.

Here. Put this on.

-Oh! sh*t! Are you okay? -Yeah... So f*cking typical.

Okay, no stress. I can help you.

-So. So. -Then it was on, yes.

The big ejaculation is here! Be the seed for yourself, ej*cul*te whoever you can!

Man's c*m!

Come on, Semon! Don't be so slow!

Jizzes, they've got Starspunks in the spotlight. Shouldn't we have a protein shake first, then?

This may be our only chance. We have to carpa p*nis now!

Shouldn't we wait until it's not so crowded, then? Okay, okay...

Initiating Spermageddon. This is not an exercise. All the swimming sperm...

Which road is it?

I don't give a damn if I end up in a f*cking toilet roll, I mean! I'm just going to pour it on!

The entire system has been short-circuited. Nothing works!

We are not in charge anymore.

From now on, we are sl*ves to the cerebellum. Aka the d*ck.

Everything is dead! Brain dead!

Today - today is the day

The day we have always been waiting for

The greatest day of all

So big that all other days become tiny

The day that is so indescribably great

So indescribable that I can't find words

Spermageddon

The day Jens gets f*cked

Spermageddon

The day the pillbug finds the pillbug's gold

Oh yeah! We're gonna squirt the uterus full

Today the pit will be devoured with hair and guts

Spermageddon, Spermageddon

Spermageddon, Spermageddon

Today - today is the day

The day that is completely unique and special

We are sprayed up in the stomach

so Jens and Lisa can create more of themselves

Sweet c*m, holy c*m

Now it's time to f*ck until the scrotum finally becomes flat!

Spermageddon

The day Jens doesn't go to bed

Spermageddon

The day he gets to offer the world his batter

It's every man for himself, it's win or lose

because now Jens has pushed the whole pile of veins in!

Spermageddon, Spermageddon

How... How...

Pre-c*m-monk! As the prophecy foretold!

Erect orgasmic ejaculatory c*ck, fit me-d*ck, amen.

-What's going on here, then? -They sacrifice themselves, lubricate the tube and the vag*na.

-Blessed anointed monks. -Come on, you slack asses!

It's high time to even the odds a little.

-Please, stop! Cumilla! -What the hell are you doing?

-Semon, let me go! -Cumilla! It's too dangerous, stop!

Wait!

Let me in! Open!

Oh! Spermageddon!

I have halved the number of opponents for you.

Survival in the p*ssy. You can thank me later.

-I'm coming. -Huh?

I'm coming!

Wait! I'm ready!

I've been training my whole life for this! Wait for me!

Oh my god!

Wait!

Spermageddon, Spermageddon

Spermageddon, Spermageddon

Mr. Rubber. Cheers to Mr. Chainsaw!

Spermageddon!

Yay!

Intercourse completed.

Maybe not quite what we expected, considering all the research on the internet...

Was it as nice for you as it was for me?

At least as quickly for me as it was for you.

It was because I hit my eye.

As everyone knows, swollen tear ducts are directly linked to premature ejaculation.

You, by the way? When you came... Did you seriously say "yabba dabba doo"?

No! I don't think I said that.

"Extra thick rubber." We can probably rest easy.

f*cking cheater!

Yes, regardless, I have a little secret weapon with me.

Just in case, like.

Toothpaste, yes. It's important to take care of your teeth when...

Yeah! I get it.

You can't get pregnant the first time you have sex, right?

That would have sucked.

Huh? Is this all? Have we been hyped up about this since we were an itch in Jen's ba*ls?

Look there, yeah...

Game on!

This is horrible!

Remember, guys: It's a marathon, not a sprint.

We lie low, and when we get the chance, we take the egg. c*m again, rap on now!

Oh, my jizz!

It's absolutely insane. Jizzmo, that he could do something like that.

-So un-cumratly! -Jizzmo? You're just incredible!

You are terrified of ejaculating.

But that you let it affect the rest of us, who are actually trying to accomplish something?

Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

So I'm the villain here, right?

Did you see what he did? He could have k*lled us both!

Jizzmo did what he had to do to get to the egg. To achieve his goal.

-The goal everyone here shares! -Cumilla...

Who knows when the next Spermageddon will happen? If it ever happens again.

Do you understand? We could be stuck here. For f*cking ever!

Don't say that, Cumilla. New opportunities are coming.

Don't lose hope. There's light at the end of the urethra. Come on!

That happens. Don't let it suck the life out of you. There's probably a way out of it.

Cumilla? Cumilla?

Cumilla? Cumilla!

Yes, yes.

Thanks for a f*ck-tastic evening! Well...

Oh yes. Good night.

Dear the Force, thanks for a f*cking great f*ck.

Let me sleep well now, in the name of Baby Yoda.

What are you doing?

Eh... It didn't feel like we were quite finished.

Well, right? Because I'm completely lost here.

I got really tired and exhausted. I think it's best if we get a good night's sleep...

Oh, that's good too.

My consent is hereby given!

Initiating Spermageddon. This is not an exercise. All the swimming sperm...

One more chance! Not everyone gets that.

What a bunch of lucky b*stards!

And this time it's just us, crme de Ila crme. Oh! Now it's happening!

Oh, my gonorrhoea! There must be something wrong.

Resurrection!

Good people, look! Come! We get another chance! Amen!

Yes!

Cumilla!

Now it's time to spray!

Wait! Stop!

sh*t! Sorry. Oh my God, I completely forgot. Sorry.

It's no danger. Just my own bitter taste in my mouth. Totally chill.

You, sorry. I only had a condom with me, do you have...?

-Yes, that's clear. -Okay.

This pose. I saw it online. Super popular.

-I've seen that one too. It's a classic. -Yes, it is.

Be careful not to bite the condom itself.

Does it look like I don't know what I'm doing?

-Can you even see with those eyes? -Well... I see enough.

Is that nice, or not?

Well, uh... Exciting.

-But is it quiet? -Uh, yes.

-Well, luckily you're not that big. -What did you say?

No, nothing. Go ahead!

-I don't want to! -We have to get out!

-Look, Semon. Now is our chance. -I don't want to!

I'm coming!

Oh my god!

Our boy is working hard today!

Think about the rules of decency. Oh! It's never too late to turn around!

I'm so proud! I wish I could see myself now!

-What's that? -Someone is literally hungry for c*ck.

Someone must have gnawed a hole in my condom! Come on, swim on. Now it's time for the hell of it!

-Hey, wait a minute! -But they'll get there first!

-Something's not right. -I've had enough of your sabotage.

If you're a little coward, be that. But don't drag the rest of us into it!

Cumilla! Does this even look right?

Does this look like what we learned in school?

Semon is right, something is not right here.

It almost smells a little...sulfur. Like something is burning, or...

-Good morning, everyone! -Hello, Sarreman.

Good to see you. Just keep going. The first one to the egg gets to hit.

Stay away! I saw it first, it's my egg! Sarreman's beloved egg!

-Wait! -No! You're not f*cking touching...

-That's not the egg! -Towards Valhalla!

Suck it, losers!

-What is that? -I don't know, but if I had to guess...

-Corn. -What? Corn?

-What a thing! -Yes, it was great.

Yes. Oh my God, that was it.

You're not as innocent as you look, Jens. Nasty guy!

And?

-What do you mean? -You've been watching a lot of Pornhub.

-Now I don't quite understand. -a**l sex. The first time you have sex.

-Wait. a**l sex? Did we have a**l sex? Now? -Yes.

I thought you liked Star Wars, but you seem to be into The Legend of the Ring Muscle.

-But why didn't you say anything? -No, I...thought you knew the difference.

I didn't see anything, so I just basted it in...

"Tacked it in"?

But maybe we should wait a bit before doing that again.

-It's calm. Thumbs up for me. -Great.

-Good night then, Lisa. -Good night, Jens.

You definitely said "yabba dabba doo" this time.

We're in the sh*t. Literally.

Not quite what I expected, but still above all expectations.

It reminds me of my third orphanage.

Cumilla, I'm sorry I chickened out earlier, and that we've ended up here.

-That was really the last thing I wanted. -It's okay. Sorry for yelling.

You saved us all. And we're still in the game!

As Jizzmo had said: Where there are holes, there is hope.

-Look there. -p*ssy juice! What is that?

What in scientific terms is called poop. sh*t. Excrement. Manure.

Excrement. Dirt. Dung.

It fills the entire intestine. Sooner or later it will come loose, and then we are expelled.

-Where do we end up then? -In a no-man's land.

Where neither sperm nor egg cells can live.

Yes, yes. As my late doctor would have said: It's never too late to give up!

Can't a poor gut bacteria take a nap?

-What the...? What kind of weirdo are you? -Me? I'm not weird.

I'm very common. You can find thousands of me, in all the butts of the world.

I'm an E. coli, buddy

I'm actually quite a pop star.

And I live in the butthole. Did you smell my stench? You guys have.

But I can, if I want, also take a trip out

If people don't wash their hands, I can k*ll them, because it's fun!

And no, they don't have to poop right away even once.

Because I lay down on the food and chill all day long

Before anyone can even count to three, life becomes hell.

Oh! Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh! I've been waiting for a good shitstorm. Now something is finally happening here.

We have to take cover. We'll die if we stay here.

-Why don't you just leave? -Where can we go?

Duh! Further up the intestine.

Last time I checked, it was blocked by a massive amount of feces.

You just have to chew your way through it.

Someone might want to call me a bit of a pervert.

because I'd rather have a sh*t sausage than a glass of ice cold berries

Yes, it tastes so good, the best I know

It tastes a thousand times better than cake for a real sh*t gourmet, yum-yum!

I can't control myself, it tastes so good.

I eat everything that is served, but I prefer to skip the corn.

Because honestly, it tastes like sh*t.

Yes, that is, apart from the fact that sh*t tastes good, yum-yum!

Incredibly cool guy! And he can sing.

If I remember correctly... The intestine goes up and inward, right?

And up there where all the poop is created, piss is also created.

-Pee? What is it? -Pee? Well...

Yes, it's a kind of dance music that goes ba-ba-bing, ba-ba-boing. Oink-oink.

No! These are organic and inorganic substances that are excreted through the kidneys.

-Also known as urine. -Semon, you're such a f*cking nerd!

We make our way up to the stomach acid, making our way through the stomach-

-Is excreted with urine and swims downstream out of the urethra.

Then we make our way into the vag*na and further into the uterus!

To the right hole this time.

Mr. E. coli, maybe you can help us?

Maybe you could chew your way through the lump blocking your intestine?

Yes, it's probably not impossible, but... Then I want a kiss.

Brilliant! One of you can kiss his a*s, then we can go.

I'm not kissing the disgusting sh*t on his shitty mouth, okay?

I was expecting a nougat flavor, but it was more umami.

But my first kiss! You shouldn't complain.

Now you have what you wanted. Lead us to the stomach acid.

Yes, relax! No stress.

Okej!Let's get sh*t-faced!

Well, it's interesting to meet new cultures, isn't it?

This was good sh*t!

What the hell?

Get lost!

Damn cream! What do you think you are?

You think you can f*ck with me? That you can stop me?!

-Right for him! -That cheat pill.

-Which way are we going now, Erigeriksson? -Not a whisper, Flensmark.

Like all other men, I am not an expert on the vag*na.

-Don't worry. I'll fix this. -You've seen it, haven't you!

We can treat ourselves to a little snack while we think, right?

You think better on a full stomach. At least that's what Vulva-Marie says.

Is that ham and fresh cottage cheese I see, or?

Food? That you're thinking about food now!

Do I have to do everything myself? Is it too much to ask that you also contribute?

Damn idiots. Amateurs! Meatheads!

No! Hell!

Since I don't have rockets for you all-

-so we simply have to be as smart as usual.

You slack-assed slobs! You crooked-c*ck little piggies!

-You clumsy piss pants! Every one of you! -But Erigeriksson! Relax!

Out of the way!

Be careful!

The last one there is a rotten piece of sh*t!

Oh no! Fast food!

My chest hurts. I think something hit me, guys.

-I feel salty. Am I dying? -I'll be honest: You've looked better.

Do you think there's a grain heaven, boss?

-Do you think I'm going to grain heaven now? -Yes, if you find any comfort in that, then...

Can you say something to Vulva-Marie for me?

Yes, yes, yes. What do you want to say? Squirt it out. Anything!

Tell her she has to stop serving...

-that sugar belly every damn time.

No! Not like this...!

Flensmark. There has been a change in the plan.

Yeah, what?

Twins.

Twins?

-Oh, damn it! -Are you okay, Mr. E. coli?

I think I just ingested something fishy.

The most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. I think it was...

-... food! -Food? But that must mean...

The poop percentage is going down. We're getting closer to the stomach.

Imagine! The books were right! The butt is connected to the stomach.

-We did it! -Hooray!

Okay, dear sperm. Goodbye! And who knows? Maybe we'll meet again out there.

If you're bad at washing your hands, or are crazy about rimming!

-What is rimming? -He who lives will see, Semon!

Thanks for the help, Mr. E. coli!

This place is even bigger than Pung City's biggest amusement park, Jizzneyland!

-What is this? -This is butt juice that...

...yes, boiled down to poop.

No, this is stomach acid.

This is where the body breaks down all the nutrients it takes in.

Do you see the shaft? That's where the food comes from.

And up there somewhere is the head and mouth.

The mouth, yes. The mouth. The upper body's response to the vag*na.

Do we manage to get over there unharmed?

-then we can follow the urethra down to the real hole.

Semon. You are absolutely incredible, right?

So all we need is a craft?

Why does the boat smell like tuttifrutti?

There it is! The Maelstrom!

-Okay! -I hope you don't get seasick easily!

-Turn! Come on, Semon! Swim! -No! We're on the right track!

It's the famous Vaginagara case! Imagine if we could see it with our own eyes!

-Are we going down there? -Of course we are!

Cumilla!

Yes!

Yes!

Come on, Cumilla!

We get to use these weird ropes and then throw ourselves over to the vag*na!

Use your weight! We have to swing over! Swing like old men's wallets!

Then the french fries dinner from yesterday has paid off.

Come on now!

-d*ck! I think she's done. -What the hell did she eat?

That was on the p*ssy hair, so.

No!

Splash!

Every now and then is almost good enough!

A true joy to meet you all, friends! I love you...!

Jens! Hey, wake up.

I slept like a log. Nothing helps sleep like a good orgasm.

- Am I right, or am I right? -Jo d.

Get dressed. We can't waste a day like this in bed.

-Well then, I can. -Come on!

-By all the genital warts...! -She f*cked a Smurf, didn't she?

It's spermicidal cream. It's like icing on a cake-

-except it's not on a cake, and it kills seeds.

Swim! Swim towards nirvana!

Come on, we're leaving the group!

Super fun. But we still have to catch up with Jizzmo!

They're not giving up, are they? Unusually tenacious.

Well, well! Then we'll throw in the towel on them, then.

-Flensmark! Watch out! -He missed!

No!

So long, suckers! Next stop: the egg cell station.

They are faster than us!

The professor!

Make me proud, Semon and Cumilla!

-Find the light and make me proud! -No!

And know that I died while doing what I love - living!

You'll have to fend for yourself now, Erigeriksson. My old friend...

Old...? We only met last night.

Go on.

Catch up with Jizzmo and conquer the egg, for both of us. Get revenge on me!

-We're going to have twins together. -Nothing to strive for.

You have to share everything: Clothes, women, Saturday treats!

You can't leave me now!

Swim, Erigeriksson. Show what you're made of, cl*max brother.

And remember: He who ejaculates last, ejaculates best.

The most...

No!

No! Salty taste!

Semon! Come on. We can't stop now.

Arrive at destination in T-minus 0.1 millimeters.

Oh my gosh. This was a uterus.

sh*t, that's nice. It looks like a bad computer game.

-Are you sick? -No, I want to be on the safe side.

- Considering yesterday. It's best... -...to be absolutely sure.

Or what? Exactly. You get the idea.

-I completely agree. -Good.

There is something missing here.

Computer. Give me the coordinates of the egg cell.

Egg cell located. The egg cell is out of range.

Reason: Regret projectile activated.

Subban took a morning after pill! f*ck my tail!

If there's one thing I hate, it's people who regret things!

Computer, I just want to die!

Suicide sequence initiated at T-minus 30, 29...

- Cancel! Undo, undo! - Suicide sequence undone.

Come on! We're getting closer!

-Did we get rid of them, or what? -I don't know!

What kind of overly paranoid chick is that-

-who uses both condoms, spermicide and the morning-after pill?

Computer. Give me an estimate of how long I can survive in this f*cking hole.

Without supplies or recharging, you can last in T-minus 32 minutes.

And how long until the effect of the morning-after pill wears off?

The medication has a half-life of 43 hours.

43 hours?! But damn!

You know why this is happening? It's because of you!

I had a plan! I was prepared!

But one of you amateurs must have hit a nerve or something!

f*cked with her hormones. Scared her.

One of you! Or several.

But if I'm going to die down here...

...then I'll die alone anyway!

Enforces the destruction of all sperm cells in three...

No! Stop and cover!

Let me go!

Let go, you caterpillar!

Give it to me! What are you...

Good day! Bonjour! Buenos dias! Let's make a baby.

You devil!

See you in the toilet bowl, you knkelbr!

Unfortunately, I don't think I can participate, but you can say hello to everyone I know.

-You still think you can defeat me? -With a tail.

Computer. Execute self-destruct!

Self-destruct will be ex*cuted in T-minus 30 seconds.

30, 29, 28, 27, 26...

Where is the egg?

...eight, seven, six, five...

-cl*max, Jizzmo. - ...four, three, two...

...one. Thank you for today.

sh*t, it was so f*cking awesome to come yesterday. I came so f*cking hard, I just...

-Was it like that for you too? -Eh, yes. Or...

-Because you came...when you came. Or? -Okay.

-I didn't come. I don't have to come. -Of course you have to!

-No, it's not that important to me. -But it is important to me!

-I want you to come. You have to! -Okay.

Hey!

I...I really want to f*ck again. f*ck you hard and long.

Oh, I've been fantasizing about that d*ck all night.

The lovely, big bath c*ck!

I'm going to f*ck you so hard you pass out. So hard you get a double concussion.

Then I'll f*ck you even harder. I'll ride your d*ck off!

Tear it off and use it as a dildo-

-while you bleed to death and watch while I come!

-Okay. -Yes...

-sh*t. "Bleeding to death"? -Oh, sorry! It was...

-We'll have to practice that, then. -Like...Adam and Eve.

Maybe except that Adam and Eve didn't have a**l sex the first night.

Yes, true. Or, we can't know.

Erigeriksson sacrificed himself.

Look!

It's not over! Come on!

Yes!

What was that? What the hell?

Come on, Cumilla!

Did it go well?

I got it!

-Come on! One last time! -Now it's time!

Oh no! Not you!

Burnt fetus...don't be afraid of fire!

Burnt fetuses don't shy away from fire!

I'm coming! I'm coming!

Cumilla!

Oh sh*t, I'm coming too! Oh sh*t, I'm coming too!

Just don't forget to pull out!

Oh my god!

Oh my!

Help! Help me!

-Jens? -Help, help, help!

Cumilla! Cumilla, help!

-No! Help me! -Jens!

Jens! Stop! No!

Come on, pull!

-Jens! Wait! Stand still! -Help! No, no!

Wasps are yellow and black. Is that all? Why don't we know anything about wasps?

Let's try a flashback.

- The flower is the boss. - The flower is the boss! Respect the flower!

Wait!

Come on!

Jens!

Help your idol fulfill his destiny.

Never!

Until we meet again!

Come on.

-Oh sh*t! Are they gone? -Yes. Did it go well, or not?

Yes, it hurts.

-How does it look? -Uh, well then. It looks good.

I'm just going to see if I can find anything that can help with... Don't look down!

-You, Jens? -Mm?

I just want to say thank you for a f*ck-tastic weekend.

Yes. Thank you.

You, Cumilla? I just want to say how happy I am. That I didn't stop in my scrotum.

That I set out on this journey. With you.

-I...I love you, Cumilla. -I love you too, Semon.

You know when we go in there it's over. The journey is over.

Yes. But what a journey it has been!

-So. Are you coming? -I'm coming. Hard.

And...

And the samples look nice.

You just take this, and it starts the whole process. Easy as that.

-How long have you been together, then? -Six weeks.

Six weeks, yes.

Then it goes without saying that you are not ready for this, and that is completely okay.

-Do you have a job? Apartment? -No.

-Study? -I graduated from high school this spring.

So you have your whole life ahead of you. Maybe together, maybe not. Who knows?

Next time, use protection, okay?

-I used... -And I also had...

Never mind... Is that okay, like...

Lisa, dear, that's very okay. Yes, it is. Because remember:

That even if you snagged a pick

and although it may have happened quickly

And even though the egg got a stung by the man's, um, caviar

Yes, there is actually help available.

Say thank you, but no thank you, thank you anyway

Because if you don't feel it, then

I don't feel good.

Anyone can suck, and anyone can f*ck

Everyone can jerk off, lick p*ssy and finger

Everyone can squeeze out a little nugget or three

But that doesn't mean it's a good idea.

There are almost ten billion of us on Earth.

The meatloaf that creates a f*cking ruckus

So let's be clear, folks, in all seriousness.

Maybe some seeds should just die.

If it doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel good.

Good to be a mother, good to be a father

The question may be tricky, but it has a simple answer.

If it doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel good.

That's how it is. Nothing wrong with that. It has to feel good.

Many a girl has been here, has slept on my bench

because lovemaking is often not always well thought out

Yes, you can be poor, and you can be rich

but if it feels too much, open up at our clinic

If it doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel good.

Good to be a mother, good to be a father

The question may be tricky, but it has a simple answer.

-If it doesn't feel good -Then it doesn't feel good!

I had an ab*rtion myself once when I was young and pretty.

I was so excited about Pitt, but not at all about the little brick.

And I impregnated a flight attendant around 2005

It was a different time, when you had to sharpen your crochet hook

If it doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel good.

Good to be a mother, good to be a father

-Try with a dog first -Or live together as a couple

But if it doesn't feel good, no, then it doesn't feel good!

There are so many other things you could waste your life on.

Think about how much good stuff is on Netflix, the choice is difficult

And you'll be back to normal soon, it's that easy!

And there are more than enough of us down here regardless

-Here in the scrotum! -Sing now, sperm!

Here in the bag!

Here in the bag!

-Oh, here it comes! -Here in the scrotum!

There are almost ten billion of us on Earth.

The meathead who lives on junk food and gossip

The question may be tricky, but it has a simple answer.

Doesn't it feel good,

That doesn't feel good!

No! It doesn't feel good! It doesn't feel good! Oh, baby!

No, you're not ready.

It's okay, it's okay

-That must not feel good! -Punch, punch, punch, punch, punch, punch

-Does that feel good, or not? -Yes, I think so.

-Sorry. -No, because what?

It's you that's at fault.

You alone have to go through this, because of what we did.

-But you're here with me. -All the way.

-Yes, so I'm not alone. -No.

-So...what do we do now? -Well, a movie maybe?

Yes! Easy. How about Lord of the Rings?

I just got the special edition on blu-ray. Or Star Wars!

-The last one just came out on UHD. -Cool!

-What about everyone? -Everyone?

This pill will take two days to work. We can all just plow, right?

Has anyone told you-

-that you are the most amazing, most beautiful girl that exists?

Yes. Exactly like two seconds ago.

Then we'll start with Star Wars. But in what order?

Do we start from the year of production, or do we start with episode 1?

We can also assume the correct timeline in the Star Wars universe.

We'll start with Episode 1, and then we'll jump to Rogue One.

No, then we've forgotten Andor. Andor is actually a prequel to Rogue One.

And we haven't even gotten to The Mandalorian...