Re: Uniting (2023)

[bunniefuu]

Collin,

get your a*s over here!

Okay,

let's make a toast.

To everything

we accomplished.

To the future,

whatever that is.

To getting

the f*ck out of here.

To us!

-Mom, I need you to sign this.

-What is it?

I may have flunked

my algebra test.

-What? Did you know about this?

-About what?

It's fine. Have a good day.

This is not the end of this

conversation, young lady.

-How is there no hot water?

-You snooze, you lose.

Well, if I wanted a cold shower,

I would have just

stayed at school.

Mom, can you sign

the letter, please?

Is that my shirt?

What the f*ck?

Collin?

Collin. You're on in 10.

Let's get you to set.

Sounds good.

Coming up,

we've got Collin Anderson,

who's gonna be out here

to give us his take on...

So, let's say you and me head

to my place in the Hamptons

for the weekend.

-Drink wine by the fire.

-Yeah.

I would love to,

but I've got this

college reunion thing.

Just come after.

It's in Canada.

You could have just said no.

Susan. Laura.

Mom, what are you doing?

Come on, we gotta go.

We're literally already late.

Come on, hurry up.

Hey, hey, kids, kids,

kids, kids, kids, kids, kids.

Young ones, young ones.

Just give me one second.

What did you say?

You know what?

One of my kids just threw up.

I gotta go.

Okay, so that was a lie.

We don't lie.

But it didn't hurt anybody.

We're gonna finish this song,

for your mom.

All right, you remember

what I showed you before?

That?

One, two, three.

Any octave, you go.

There you go.

And what are you gonna do?

See, that's right.

There, that's right.

Keep the rhythm going,

young one.

Ready? Go for it.

Keep 'em going.

Yeah.

You're k*lling it. k*lling it.

He's here. Bye.

Wait.

Wait, wait.

I could have driven you.

I just wish

it wasn't this weekend.

With Emma being here.

The girls can take care

of themselves.

That's not what I meant.

Is he gonna be there?

Yes. Unless he isn't.

He's the most unpredictable

human being on the planet.

So...

When are we gonna

talk about this?

-It's always later or next time.

-Just leave it, Bryan.

We'll figure it all out. Okay?

But not now.

Jesus.

Oh, look at him,

showing us how he does it.

Ah! Yeah!

-Hi!

-Hey!

- So good to see you.

- A little help, please.

Hey, lady.

Hello to you, too.

I think you may have

realigned my spine there.

It is so good to see you.

It's good to see that Michael is

anxiously awaiting our arrival.

He's at home.

All right, let's go. Come on.

Are we not missing someone?

No, I didn't forget about Nat.

She'll be late

because of a surgery.

Uh, excuse me.

We rearranged Collin's

entire press junket

announcing his move

to daytime talk to be here, so--

Okay, saving lives

is a little more important

than being the host

of a morning talk show.

Oh, so the rumors are true.

How did I not know this?

Because we haven't done

the press--

-Collin Anderson, host.

-Does no one listen to me?

-Hi.

-Hey!

-Hi, um--

-How you doing?

-Can we get a photo?

-Yes, of course.

-Oh, my God. This is so cool.

-Come on.

All right, you ready?

Is it true you're gonna be

the new Morning Live co-host?

-Oh, we'll see. We'll see.

-Where's the button?

Oh, my God, it's getting dark.

All right, everyone,

say, "penicillin."

Penicillin!

Here we are.

Oh! Nice digs.

Come in.

Come in.

Now, that is a view.

- Great, huh?

- Are these couches new?

- Yeah.

- It's quiet.

Like, really eerily quiet.

We have beer.

You'll be fine.

Oh! Look at this place.

- Michael.

- So stunning.

Amazing.

- Is that a seal?

- Perfect.

Michael!

Hey. Where's your dad?

-No idea.

-Are you packed?

- Yep.

- Attitude--

Okay, someone help me with this.

Aw, she likes you.

Yeah, please, get it off me.

Mavlyn,

this is your uncle Danny.

Come here,

and give me a hug.

Wow.

How you doing?

Look how big you've gotten.

Kyle is a big fan

of that celebrity dancing show

-that you did.

-Oh, right on, right on.

Every night.

So, is this, like,

an all-ages weekend or...

No, they're going to Uncle Ben's

this weekend, right?

Sleepover at Uncle Ben's.

Mom! I can't find Dad.

Yo, Michael,

the crew's here.

Oh, Michael!

Michael.

Hey, Mikey!

It is so good to see you.

Oh, it's so good

to be here.

Oh,

I missed you so much.

Hi, Carrie.

Benny!

Ben--

Benjamin. I mean, Ben. Hi.

It's been a while,

you-- you look great.

Thanks.

So, the kids are all packed up,

so we shall leave you to it.

- Thank you, now go.

- Okay.

-I love you.

-I love you, too.

-Not too much sugar.

-Okay.

Bye.

Oh, sh*t, Carrie,

I forgot to ask,

uh, were you just

flirting with Rachel's brother?

No.

You can invite him

to join you and Bryan.

Maybe, uh,

spice things up a little bit.

Dude, come on.

Isn't it a little

early for drinking?

No.

All right, baby.

You look out for those two.

-Ugh, I'll try.

-Be nice.

Come here.

-Oh, I love you.

-I'm gonna miss you so much.

Mm!

Buy me something

nice with my money.

-What if I get you a...

-Uh, don't say anything.

- You know what I'm gonna say.

- Bye, Mike.

Bye.

I still think

we should've canceled.

No, it'll be fine.

Now, will you please

come and greet our guests?

You're being rude.

How's the married

life?

- Goal!

- You know.

How are the kids,

and how's Emma loving her job?

I-- she's ready--

Hey, Michael, how much

does a place like this cost?

Dude, why are you always asking

people how much things cost?

Um, because I want to know.

We did most

of the work ourselves, so--

Oh, sh*t.

You don't build things.

I build things. I'm very handy.

No f*cking way, man,

it took you, like, five days

to build that Ikea bookshelf.

Actually, I built it.

And I helped

supervise, so.

A very important part

of the building process.

And what have you ever built?

-An empire.

-f*cking touch.

So, the women

in my book club asked

if that was really

your house in the reality show.

Yeah.

You want to know

how much it cost?

Dude, you do not need

to tell people that.

They can look it up

on the Internet. Oh.

The, uh, service is spotty here.

What's the Wi-Fi?

No Wi-Fi.

Literally how

every horror movie begins.

Danny, don't be so dramatic.

Can we just try to disconnect

and be together, like old times?

With just a few extra

gray hairs.

With me, this is all au naturel.

What's left of it.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, oh, there's a signal.

Oh, by the way,

10,000 new followers

from the People magazine cover.

I-- I'm sorry, did you

say 10,000 new followers?

How many followers do you have?

Well, I don't know,

like, two million.

Holy crap, two million?

How do you have

two million followers?

I have, like, 12.

I don't even have Instagram.

-How do you not have Instagram?

-I have Pinterest.

-Is that the knitting app?

-No.

Um, yes.

I only have Instagram

so I can check up on my kids,

and make sure they're

not making bad life choices.

Trust me, that is not

the app they are using

to make bad life choices.

-What?

-What?

Can you imagine if we had

social media back in college?

That would not

have been good for me.

Uh, okay, thank you,

Professor Barbecue, what?

You think that, uh,

football streaking incident

goes on the Internet,

it doesn't stop you

from getting into law school?

How the f*ck

do you remember everything?

Booze kills your liver,

not your brain cells.

That is not at all true.

I actually

feel sorry for the kids.

I mean,

everything being so instant.

I mean,

remember developing film?

You never knew

what you were gonna get.

That's what you remember

from the '90s.

We remember

that decade very differently.

I think I feel like wine.

Bubbly? Feels like

an occasion for bubbles.

-Yes.

-Yeah.

- I'll go get some.

- Cheers.

Whoa, whoa!

Hey, you okay?

Well, I don't know

about you people,

but I am so happy

to be on vacay.

I needed a break.

A break from what?

I mean, you just hang out

with Collin all day, right?

It can't be that hard.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm Collin's executive

assistant. That's a hard job.

To get his dry cleaning?

I don't get his dry cleaning,

okay, his regular assistant

gets his dry cleaning.

Regular assistant?

I-- I get my own dry cleaning.

You don't get your dry cleaning.

-I get my-- when--

-Whatever, man, whatever.

I'm gonna go help Rach.

-We good?

-Yeah. Yeah.

No, no, you have to twist,

you have to-- Yeah.

There you go. All right.

Are you and Michael okay?

You know you can talk to me.

Carrie, just relax,

and stop worrying.

There's no one here

you need to take care of.

I didn't mean

like you needed taken care of.

It's-- it's just habit.

I know, let's just forget

about the real world,

and have fun, deal?

Deal.

Hey, Collin,

are you still dating that model?

You know, Rachel, every time

she sees your face

in one of those magazines

with those gorgeous women,

she buys them,

and I read 'em sometimes.

What, no,

I'm not dating her anymore.

Yeah, it wasn't real love.

Yeah, believe it or not,

this guy is a romantic.

But,

I mean,

every single time she sees it,

she starts planning

your wedding out for you.

At one point, she planned

your whole damn wedding.

Dead-a*s.

Well, I guess I just

haven't met

the right person yet.

We can't all have the epic

Michael and Rachel

love story, now, can we?

Man, shut up.

Do you think

Natalie's gonna show up?

She always says she will,

but something always comes up.

Well, even Danny made it.

How is he still

exactly the same?

And so she's choking me,

and I realize I forgot

to give her a safe word,

and so she's-- And I'm, like,

hitting her, and she's laugh--

Hold on.

Oh, sh*t, Nat wants us

to meet her down on the wharf.

Oh, all right.

This girl knows

how to make an entrance.

What's up, b*tches?

Woo! Let's do this.

Oh! Oh!

sh*t.

Oh, God.

Yes, yes!

Nat, Nat, here,

check it out, check it out.

You fall in right... there.

-Ugh.

-I'll send it to you.

Ah, great.

Here you go, little mermaid.

Oh, thank you.

It's my own fault. Ooh.

I wore inappropriate shoes.

I am so sorry, are you sure

that I can't wash your clothes?

It's fine.

And I'm really digging

this retro husky sweatshirt.

We would have picked you up.

Well, the surgery went

quicker than usual.

Plus, I, uh,

I had to surprise you all

with my dramatic entrance.

Well, you succeeded.

Yes, you did.

You are amazing.

I just whipped

through brain surgery,

and I came over here.

Well, the guy died, so there was

really no point in continuing.

It's okay. People die.

He had less than a 10% chance

of surviving the surgery

to begin with, so...

How do you do it?

The whole death thing?

That sh*t freaks me out.

Well, I take comfort in the fact

that I didn't k*ll him.

My job was to fix his brain.

The tear his aorta,

that's what k*lled him.

And that's somebody else's job.

It's when you f*ck up.

When someone dies,

the sh*t gets real.

So I celebrate

the successes, and I drink.

Speaking of which,

do you have anything stronger?

-Bourbon. Neat.

-Oh.

It's like you've known me

since I was underage.

Oh, God, that's good.

You're breaking out

the fancy sh*t.

-Hmm.

-What's the occasion?

Twenty-five years since

we all graduated from college.

Did you not get

the ornate handmade invitation

-Rachel sent out?

-Hmm.

Now, when was the last time

the six of us were all together?

Uh, your hall of fame

induction ceremony.

That was Emma's graduation,

so I couldn't

make it that weekend.

It was the surprise

birthday party

that Bryan threw me.

No, I woke up in Vegas,

missed that party.

How-- Never mind.

I also wasn't there.

It was my baby shower

for Mavlyn.

-No way. Mavlyn's eight.

-Mm-hmm.

We haven't all been

together in the same place

in eight years?

Well, I would like

to propose a toast.

To our lovely hosts,

who are still as disgustingly

beautiful a couple

as they were back in the day.

We all hate you.

- To old friends.

- To old friends.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

I missed you guys, too.

Now let's stop talking

about how sad and old we are,

and let's get f*cked up.

-Okay. I'm in.

-Oh, my God, no.

Oh yeah! There we go!

Michael, stop cleaning!

Hey, come back!

This party is just getting

started.

Oh yeah, here we go.

- Oh, he's getting--

- Oh, here we go.

Look at you!

Michael.

Michael!

What are you doing?

You're disturbing me.

Yeah!

You can't just say

that, and then--

I'm getting all hot in the face.

-Hey.

-Hey.

Oh...

Oh, no thanks.

What? They do drug tests

on sportscasters now?

-You are a terrible influence.

-Yes. Yes, I am.

So we just gonna be smoking

in the house?

Oh, uh, we-- we opened the, uh--

-What?

-Is that Danny's? No.

Hey.

-What is this?

-Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey!

Hey, listen,

it's getting kind of late,

so I thought

I would show everybody

where they're sleeping.

It's still light out.

See, even the PTA mom thinks

it's too early to go to bed.

-Hey!

-Are you not on the PTA?

I am.

Okay, there was no mention

of sleep, period,

when I agreed

to this mess.

-I'm not-- I just--

-Very funny, Michael.

He's joking. Obviously.

-I joke better than that.

-He's joking.

Here,

all right, do what you want.

Oh!

Oh. Wow.

Woo!

Yeah, uh-huh! No!

No! No.

Maybe take it easy

on the drinking.

Rachel, I'm serious.

Michael, I am fine, please stop.

-Let loose, have another drink.

-I don't want another drink.

Michael,

I am fine, I'm an adult.

I know what I can handle.

Oh, f*ck.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Oh!

Michael, is that

your cell phone up there?

- I got land--

- Michael!

I think it's so cool

you guys have a sailboat.

I would have k*lled

for this as a kid.

I would have k*lled

for my dad to not beat me

with a belt, but hey,

you can't have everything.

Why do you always

gotta make everything so dark?

It's what I do, Collin.

I live to make those

around me uncomfortable.

Oh, sh*t.

Speaking of the past...

-Is that acid?

-Yes, sir.

-Where did you get acid?

-Bucky McAllister.

You want some?

-From our freshman year.

-Uh-huh.

Yeah, no, no, I-- I don't want

a hit of your 29-year-old acid.

Michael?

-Hello, Michael.

-Yeah, sorry.

Danny was wondering if you

wanted a hit of his '90s acid.

I'm good, thanks.

Your loss.

I'm gonna do

my trip in the nature.

I'll leave that right there,

in case you gentlemen

change your minds.

Yeah. I'm not.

Okay, man overboard.

That man is insane.

I don't get it.

You and him working together,

living together.

Uh, that's not charity,

you know.

He works hard.

When you're

surrounded by yes people,

it's nice to have someone

who tells you like it is.

He's not in charge

of your finances, is he?

Oh, hell no.

Oh, man,

I'd check the line, but...

- Buddy.

- Whoa!

It's not easy,

the things you've got to deal

with sometimes.

-Go carefully.

-Yeah.

Like, I've seen a birth.

I had to do

a rotation in obtetrics.

Oh, I said it.

Obstetrics.

-Yeah.

-That's the one.

So I've seen it.

And I understand

how the human body works.

But I still don't get it.

You know, I don't get it.

And I never knew

a human could experience

that much pain,

and not die, ohh!

All of my births

were incredible.

I felt superhuman.

Everything

got clear, and focused.

Screw you.

Give it to me.

Emma's giant head

ripped me to shreds.

Ugh.

And I had

an emergency C-section,

because Bridge and Riley's cords

were wrapped around each other.

Ooh.

My children actually tried

to k*ll each other in the womb.

This is why

you have babies in a hospital,

where there are doctors.

And drugs.

Here, here, sister.

To drugs.

-I think I missed it.

-Missed what?

Life.

I am a f*cking

amazing neurosurgeon.

I make a sh*t-ton of money.

Like, it's actually insane

how much they pay me.

Mhmm.

But I put everything else off.

Relationships. Kids.

Vacations.

f*cking book club.

Actually,

book club is pretty great.

Yeah, it is, yeah.

I come home

to a beautifully decorated

but very empty apartment,

and I think, "What's the point?"

I have kids and a husband,

and I still come home

to an empty house.

What do you mean?

Bryan and I work insane hours

to pay for our kids

to go to college,

and not drown in student debt.

I don't think I've bought myself

a new piece

of clothing in years.

Ugh, take mine,

you can have them.

I've got so many.

I'm not going to

fit in your clothes.

But I will take your shoes.

-The ones with the red soles?

-Done. Take them.

Okay.

What if I pay

for your kids to go to college?

Will they take care of me

when I'm old?

This is the point

of children, yes?

You're right. My kids are jerks.

But your kids are wonderful.

Mm...

I just realized, I have been,

for my entire adult life, mom.

I mean, I love my kids,

but it is so frigging hard.

Once they all leave, what--

what the hell

am I supposed to do?

Well, you'll have time

to figure that out,

because kids stay at home

until they're like, 38 now.

Oh, my God.

Maybe that

would be worse.

I really want chips.

Oh.

Hey, Rach, are you okay?

We don't have to have chips.

No, it's just

the wine and the weed

and the talk of kids.

Yeah.

I'm feeling the pot.

I think the ceiling is moving.

Now I really want popcorn.

Or jelly beans.

Nat, it's not too late.

Nothing is ever too late.

Yeah, I know.

And Car, it's not too

late to make changes, either.

Your kids growing up

means that there's more time

for you and Bryan.

You guys should travel.

Go to Spain or Italy.

We should go.

A girls trip. To Italy.

We could drink wine, eat pizza.

-Mm, pizza.

-Mm!

Oh, my God,

that would be amazing.

That does sound amazing.

Done. I will book it.

As soon as I can see straight.

I'm gonna get some--

I'm going

to get some more wine.

Okay.

What's so funny?

I know it might

not seem like a big deal

to go from

be-- being a sportscaster

to a morning talk show host.

They're both on TV.

Yeah, but it's different, man.

I-- I know football.

And I'm good at football.

But-- but now-- now I have to be

good at fashion and celebrities.

You know, interview

people about their movies.

I'm terrified.

Oh God,

oh God, oh God, oh God.

Stop. Stop. Stop.

Yes, I get it,

what you do is hard.

But terrifying? Come on.

I mean, everything

you've ever done,

you've done well, you have women

who want to be with you.

You have men that, like,

literally want to be you.

There are people

out here, like myself,

who live a real life,

and have real problems.

Like real f*cking

problems, Collin.

Like, you don't have...

...to plan sh*t, right?

Like, the planning,

like, life doesn't always

happen the way you plan it,

even if you did plan it.

Right, like, it all blows up

in your f*cking face.

You don't have a wife and kids

who you--

Who rely and count on you.

And, like, you have

to make sure they're happy,

and healthy, and safe.

And you don't have to answer

to anyone.

What's going on, Michael?

No, I'm sorry.

No! I'm sorry.

I should have done better.

-No.

-Yes.

-No, I am so selfish.

-No.

It must have been

so hard for you.

Like...

you have so many words to learn.

-I have so many words?

-Yeah.

I watch ER, it's, like...

-so many words.

-That is such an old reference.

Like, there are so many

more newer

doctor shows to watch.

I-- I just watched ER.

-It's really good.

-I know.

Yeah. It's on--

It's on-- streaming.

I have no life.

No, no, but you--

you had babies.

Yes. You had babies.

You and Bryan,

you combined your DNA.

And you made live humans.

And I should have been there.

I should have been

there to-- to see them

do what kids do, like--

Oh, my God,

I have no idea what kids do.

Come on.

Jesus! Be-- Be careful.

-Nice work.

-Thank you.

-You having fun?

-Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's great. Yeah.

I'm kind of bummed, though,

I found this acid

at my parents' house.

I thought it'd be

kind of cool to take it,

but either it's lost its potency

or Bucky sold me sh*t

in the first place.

Or I'm going to be high

as f*ck in, like, 11 minutes.

I remember that guy, Bucky.

Didn't he also sell

term papers in high school?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Yeah, it's probably

sh*t to begin with.

So, uh,

what are you ladies doing?

Pillow fights and practicing

your French kissing, I hope.

For someone who's been

with a lot of women,

you really

don't understand them, do you?

I guess they'd need to stick

around for more than one night.

-I'm so sorry.

-Oh, no, that's okay.

No, I'm so-- I'm so sorry.

I just-- No, it's not okay.

I'm sorry, I do not--

I did not mean--

-Hey.

-Hey, what? Huh?

Everyone okay in here?

We were--

I was just-- I was just saying

that I think maybe

we should go swimming.

- What?

- Yeah, we-- we should just go.

We should just go, just go--

Just go jump off the dock,

-and go swimming, right?

-Okay.

Yeah, come on, let's go.

Gonna go swimming.

- Nat!

- Yeah?

- Nat!

- What?

I planned--

planned for another

life, you know.

I mean, I could have

been a f*cking superhero.

Your wife has decided

that we are going swimming.

-What?

-I don't know what to tell you.

A woman wants what she wants.

Ooh. Okay.

Yeah, all right, it's your wife,

come on.

Everybody's drunk,

we're not supposed to be

in the water when we're drunk.

Oh, God,

come on.

Oh, my God!

Are you insane?

Oh, my God!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

-Come on!

-Ohh!

-You're going in.

-No!

-Come on! Come on!

-No!

I'm getting out.

Oh my God! Oh my God!

-Oh my God!

-Oh my God!

Oh my God!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

Ohhh!

Woo!

Listen!

You know

where the Aspirin is?

My f*cking head's

going to explode.

Morning, sunshines.

What is wrong with you?

Coffee, yes. Hook me up!

You look like you got

12 hours of sleep.

That's really annoying.

-I drank lots of water.

-Mm-hmm.

I won't tell her

I already went for a run.

That's probably a good idea.

You look like sh*t.

Yep.

You okay?

Yep.

Last night was fun, wasn't it?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, I missed a call from Bryan,

and I can't seem

to get a signal.

You can get a signal

over there by the water.

I'm sorry, is that a Blackberry?

Yeah, so?

-Thanks.

-Hello? Oh, sh*t, it's 2007.

They want to get

their phone back, is that--

Hilarious.

Because the joke

is the phone is old.

House in the woods, old friends

over for a weekend...

I just wanted to say

I'm really sorry

about my behavior last night.

This is a house on a beach.

Well, a house

on a beach isn't scary, Nat.

Don't be messing

with my narrative.

If you ever need to talk,

just let me know.

What are you guys talking about?

Nothing. Why you being so nosy?

I don't know, it's in my nature.

Hey, um,

how come Rachel wasn't there

when we watched

Nightmare on Elm Street,

and we had to peel you

off the ceiling?

Was it because Michael

and Natalie were dating?

He really

does remember everything.

He brought that up

just so he could say that.

Yes, he did.

Well, we did date,

and it was absolutely beautiful

for about

five minutes, wasn't it?

Mm-hmm.

He could not tame my wild heart.

Yeah, so-- so you

introduced Rachel and Michael?

Yes, I take credit

for all of this.

Technically, no,

I answered an ad

for a singer in the band,

and there was this tall,

handsome musician

standing behind the keyboard.

Most beautiful voice

I ever heard.

And that would be why

Michael and I didn't work out.

Although, after your first show,

I did go home

with a very handsome man

named Enrique.

Oh, yeah, I wonder

whatever happened to Enrique.

Oh, who cares?

Dude gave me chlamydia.

Got to warn me.

Hmm.

I don't know.

Well, can't you just

figure it out?

I'll just keep thinking about

what's only in the freezer,

but, actually--

Hey, lady.

Okay.

I've gotta go. Bye.

Lady.

-Voila.

-How did you know?

And voila.

Oh, thank you.

-There you go.

-Love it.

How is Bryan?

Honestly? I'm not sure.

Things have been...

strained.

Different. Yeah, I don't know.

I'm sorry, Carrie.

I didn't-- I didn't know.

No one does.

It's the one thing

I've accomplished, you know?

Strong marriage. Good kids.

I don't have that, I...

Listen.

The only thing

we can do right now...

is go in that house,

eat some eggs, some bacon,

figure out

what the next step is.

I love you, baby.

I'm so sorry, Carrie. Don't cry.

Or cry.

Go for it, I don't care.

Like, just get it out,

before we go back up there.

-Thank you.

-Mm-hmm.

Michael, there's

something wrong, isn't there?

Yeah. I think so.

So do you think it was

the weed or the tequila, huh?

-Or did you--

-There was no tequila.

You're so old,

you don't remember

-we had tequila last night?

-Oh, my God.

-Oh, thanks, baby.

-You're welcome.

Isn't it

a little early for beer?

Isn't it

a little early for a "samosa"?

A mimosa is a socially

acceptable breakfast drink.

-You're so classy, baby.

-Yes, I am.

Okay, so I have a full day

of island adventures

planned for us all.

Oh, Rach, I love you,

but I just want

to sit on my a*s all day,

read a book, start happy hour,

like, now.

-What?

-And Danny and I were hoping

to hit the golf course.

And by hoping, he means

we've already booked a tee time,

and we want to hit

some ba*ls with a driving range.

No, no, no, no, no.

I had it all planned.

Go to the cove,

visit the shops, you know,

take a hike,

maybe go to the farmer's market,

take the boat out, it--

What, not even a hike?

You guys, this is one

of the most beautiful places

you will ever see, and I--

I need to show you all

of my favorite spots, and I--

I'll go on a hike with you.

If going on a hike

is important to you, Rach,

-then I'll go.

-Thank you.

Despite the fact that I did not

bring the appropriate footwear.

Well, you can borrow something.

Okay, it's settled,

then, perfect.

Just make sure

you're back for dinner tonight.

Done, so, what's

on the agenda for tonight?

Oh, it really hope it's not

a surprise, I hate surprises.

Surprises are lame.

Oh, come on,

let's be spontaneous.

Let her surprise us

if she wants.

-Thank you, Carrie.

-I'm sorry,

did you say you wanted

to be spontaneous?

- I'm spontaneous.

- Ah, ah, ah, ah.

You used to be spontaneous.

I can be spontaneous.

I showed up here, didn't I?

This was planned

a year in advance.

f*ck!

Oh, and ladies and gentlemen,

there is the Carrie

that we used to know and love.

You're right.

I don't say f*ck anymore.

I say "fudge."

Because that's what

good mothers do, right?

Wouldn't want

Donna Gleeman to hear me swear.

Who the f*ck is Donna Gleeman?

I used to be fun

and spontaneous.

When we were first married,

Bryan would

surprise me all the time.

But now...

every day is the same.

Like, every week

is exactly the same.

I go to work, Monday to Friday,

8:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.

I come home, I make dinner.

Lots of people have schedules.

No, I know,

but, like, every week

is exactly the same.

Oh, sh*t.

I know?

I tried so hard

to get into a routine.

Because I read

in some parenting book

that routines are important.

So I became

obsessed with routine,

and routined myself

right into being my mother.

We even schedule sex.

Or at least we did

when we were still having it.

Oh, that's why you were

flirting with Rachel's brother.

Well, she was,

and then her face got all pink.

-Shut up.

-He's right.

-I'm pathetic.

-Carrie, you're not pathetic.

Carrie.

Seriously?

Why would you do that?

Rach, you ready to go?

Yeah, I'll be right there.

Coming here

make you feel old?

We are old.

No, they're old, we're not old.

We're all around

the same age, bro.

So, uh...

Rachel kissed me last night.

-What?

-Yeah, I don't know.

She was, like, drunk

or possessed, or something.

-What did you do?

-Nothing, I swear.

She just came up, and kissed me.

Whatever, man.

I shouldn't have said anything.

You still in love with her?

No.

- Oh.

- Clearly not.

Look, I know she's married.

I was at the wedding.

Look, man, maybe she just

felt bad for your sorry a*s,

or maybe that a*s of yours

wasn't sh*t after all.

But for your own sake,

don't go creating

something that isn't there.

-Please.

-Thank you, Dr. Phil.

- Oh, f--

- Oh, we should have

put money on this.

Whatever, man, I shouldn't

have told you anything.

Why? Why?

Rach.

Oh my God.

Holy crap.

Told you it was worth it.

This is my favorite place.

It's so beautiful.

Sorry, just give me a second.

You know, you should really take

better care of yourself, Carrie.

Well, that's a bit judgy.

No, I'm not being judgy,

I'm just saying it's important

to take care of your health

because you-- you never know.

Sorry, not all of us

have a lawyer husband

and a big fat inheritance.

I'm sure if I wasn't

always working,

I'd have time to exercise.

Wow.

Where did that come from?

You can be

so controlling sometimes.

I am not controlling.

Really?

I'm on vacation without

my family for the first time

in God knows how long.

And I don't want to be hiking.

I want to be sitting

on the patio, drinking with Nat.

But here we are.

I'm sorry.

-It's okay.

-No, it's not.

You've always been there for me,

and sometimes I'm selfish.

I never told you

how proud I am of you.

The way you dove into

motherhood, even though you--

I had no idea

how bad your marriage was

or how unhappy you are.

I don't know, because...

I never asked.

Well, I probably

wouldn't have told you.

So there you go.

I'm sure there's things

you don't tell me.

This getting old thing sucks.

Rach?

Do you ever just want to scream

at the top of your lungs?

Like everything

inside you is just building

to its boiling point,

and you're going to explode

unless you get it out?

-You okay?

-No.

And neither are you.

You can't keep that sh*t

locked up inside of you, Carrie.

You have to get it out.

Okay.

It's okay.

Maybe you're not ready.

Come on.

I'll race you to the bottom.

Come on.

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing?

I'm embracing the day drinking.

Give me one of those.

Thank you.

Ah. Oh.

Jesus, I feel like crap.

You guys got

some strong-a*s weed here.

-It's like medical grade.

-That's because it is.

It's very quiet here.

You get used to it.

Silence scares me.

That's why

I'm never in my apartment.

Silence

when I'm alone is deafening.

I've been practicing

going into the silence.

No sh*t.

You're, like, meditating.

Thing is, right now...

I could use a little noise.

Don't you say a word.

-Oh! And it ain't over!

-Oh! No, no, no, no, no.

All of the crowd goes wild!

Oh, my gosh!

Dude, you won a Superbowl,

-I got cut from JV.

-Shut up.

Does it keep you up

at night, man?

Does it keep you awake?

Oh, I love it!

It's not--

Who is it?

Oh, sh*t.

I can fix this, come on.

Rach?

Rach?

Where are you?

Oh, my God.

Help!

Help!

f*ck.

- Oh my God, oh!

- Carrie.

Hey, calm down.

-Just what happened?

-Call 911.

We should be on a boat

or a helicopter or whatever

on the way to a hospital.

I don't have any broken bones.

You're a doctor,

you looked me over.

-I'm fine.

-Rachel.

You know.

I-- I'm saying can you please

just hold the story?

Well, can you give me a day?

You know what? f*ck you, man.

Hello? I said, f*ck you, ma--

I'm saying f*ck you, man.

What?

No, we don't want to comment.

Hello?

Thanks for nothing, you as*h*le.

Hey.

-Hey.

-Everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

Don't worry about it.

-How's Rach?

-I don't know.

Nat kicked me out,

told me to let her rest.

-Said she's fine, but--

-She probably is.

You're not worried?

I'm worried about

a lot of things, Carrie, okay?

Honestly, she's probably

just embarrassed.

I've fallen down

plenty in my life.

-I always feel dumb afterwards.

-She was unconscious.

Look, you went for a hike,

it was hot, you're old.

She probably got a concussion.

Sucks, but she'll be fine.

God, you're so dramatic.

Hold on, wait.

I'm sorry.

You want?

You know,

I'm not gonna lie to you.

When I heard someone fell,

I was, like,

90% sure it was you.

Just give me one sec.

-It's been a day, huh?

-Yeah.

Well, we should probably

try to get some sleep.

Yeah, we could do that.

Oh, we could do something else.

Nat, I--

Nat.

I can't.

-I-- I just--

-Yeah, no, it's fine.

-You should probably...

-Yeah.

I'm-- I'm sorry.

f*ck.

How long have you been awake?

I didn't sleep.

God, the reception is sh*t here.

Look, we need to talk about this

expose thing or whatever, okay?

This is bullshit.

I'm gonna rip him a new one.

It's done.

-What?

-It-- it-- it's-- it's over.

-No. No.

-Hey, look.

-I brought this on myself.

-No, I can fix this.

It's my mess.

I'll deal with the

ramifications.

Morning.

-Morning.

-Hey.

Let me talk to Alan.

Morning.

-Are you okay?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

-Coffee?

-Okay.

What the hell is going on, Rach?

I'm fine, Carrie.

Ar-- Are you insane?

You fainted.

I found you in a pile

in the middle of the forest.

-Are we gonna talk about this?

-I smell coffee.

Hey, how'd you sleep?

- What is happening?

- Here.

-Hey.

-Morning.

Can we all

cut the bullshit, please?

Rachel fainted.

She fell down a mountain.

I-- I feel like this is maybe

something we should talk about.

Well, I didn't fall

down a mountain.

Are you kidding me?

You know what I mean.

Everything okay?

Carrie,

maybe you should calm down.

Just give everyone

a chance to wake up.

I'm sorry, Natalie,

but what the f*ck

- does this have to do with you?

- Okay, you guys.

What does

it have to do with you?

Guys.

I know it's a little

difficult for you to understand,

but the world

doesn't move all around you.

-Guys. Guys, come on.

-What is that supposed to mean?

-Carrie, calm down.

-I'm not being a drama queen.

She collapsed.

How am I supposed to calm down?

- I didn't collapse.

- Carrie, shut the f*ck up.

-You shut up.

-Oh, Jesus Christ.

- You guys, you guys.

- I'm the one that's confused

- and being self-absorbed?

- Shut up.

I'm g*y.

What?

I... am g*y.

Since when?

Since forever.

My God, Collin,

why didn't you tell us?

I didn't tell anybody.

It would have been

career suicide.

I get keeping silent

in the '90s, but now, it's--

How many openly g*y professional

athletes do you know,

playing or retired?

And more specifically,

how many of them are Black?

True.

Collin, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry you had to go

through that all alone.

So, why are you

just telling us now?

Secrets have a way of bubbling

to the surface, don't they?

Collin has an as*h*le ex

who's been threatening

to go public.

He finally decided to do it.

I confirmed it last night with

a guy I know at the Inquisitor.

Anyway, I got this

piece of sh*t to sign an NDA,

but apparently

he's changed his mind.

We are going to sue his a*s

so f*cking hard.

Hold on. You knew?

-Danny's always known.

-What? How?

I don't have boundaries.

I walked into his room

one night.

I slipped up in college.

This guy

wasn't who I thought he was.

He threatened to tell everyone.

No, I was ready to end it.

Literally.

But...

-Danny fixed it.

-How?

Everybody's got

something to be leveraged.

In this case,

this guy preferred

to buy his test scores

instead of studying.

And you never said anything?

It wasn't my secret to tell.

You did that for him.

Danny saved my life.

I owe you everything, man.

Whatever. It's what friends do.

I can't believe you did that.

It must have been so hard

to keep that secret.

Carrie,

I think you should tell him.

Jesus Christ, Rachel.

Tell me what?

f*ck.

Carrie.

-This is not the right time.

-Yes, it's the perfect time.

-What are you talking about?

-Tell him.

f*ck it.

I had gone

on a few dates with Brian

before you and I hooked up.

You two hooked up?

How did you not know that?

I didn't know that.

I liked you.

A lot.

So, I told Brian

that I needed some space

and I wasn't sure,

blah, blah, blah.

I was a dumb, naive kid

and I thought

it meant something with you.

But after I saw you

with Jenny Griever...

Jenny Griever, such a b*tch.

-What?

-I was-- she was--

angry, and hurt,

but not surprised.

I felt pretty stupid.

And then

I started dating Brian again.

He was sweet and kind.

And when I found out

I was pregnant,

he was so wonderful,

so willing to step up

and do the right thing.

The thing is, timing-wise,

-with Emma...

-No.

Wait. What?

He didn't know

that there was an overlap

and I wasn't on the pill

and there just

wasn't any way to know.

It could have been Brian's,

but it also could have been...

I told Brian

and he said it didn't matter.

He would support me

and love me,

so I made it make sense.

Why are you telling me this now?

Because of those stupid f*cking

family tree DNA tests, okay?

Emma thought

it would be fun to do them

and I don't know

what the results are gonna say

and I don't know

what to do if they are...

Are you f*cking

kidding me right now?

You were pregnant,

you knew it could be mine,

and you didn't--

and you didn't tell me?

- Danny.

- Yes, Danny!

Because I was 22

and-- and you were fun

and laid-back and irresponsible

and there was no way

you would have stepped up.

Brian was there

and he loved me,

and he would support me

regardless,

so I did what I had to do.

I made that choice.

I-- I know it might have

not been the right choice,

-but it's what I did.

-f*ck you, Carrie!

You have no idea

what I would have done!

What?

We would have gotten married

and lived happily ever after?

I don't know because

you didn't f*cking tell me!

And you knew?

-Yes, Danny, but I couldn't--

-Rach, you f*cking knew?

Hey, hey, there's no need

to talk to my wife like that.

-It's fine, Michael, it's fine.

-No, it's not fine.

You don't just roll in my house

talking to my wife

or anybody else--

Look, I'm sorry about

your precious house rules,

but my f*cking life

is imploding right now!

You can't see that

everybody else's

life is imploding right now?

f*ck you! f*ck you, man!

-f*ck you!

-No, f*ck you!

Hey, hey, hey! Guys, guys!

I have a brain tumor!

What?

I have a brain tumor.

I didn't faint on that hike.

I... I had a seizure.

What do you mean

you have a brain tumor?

Rachel has stage four.

Are you going to operate

on her brain?

-It's inoperable.

-What does that mean?

-It means--

-I know what the f*ck it means!

-What the f*ck is going on?

-Calm down, Danny.

Don't tell me to calm down!

Are you f*cking

kidding me right now?

I might have a kid,

he's hitting me,

and Rachel's got

a f*cking brain tumor!

-Collin's g*y.

-I know Collin's g*y!

The f*ck!

Come on, man.

How long, Rach?

How long?

Well, that's the thing I wanted

to talk to you guys about.

You're g*y.

You don't know

who the father of your child is.

And Rachel,

who has terminal brain cancer,

has decided to use

doctor-assisted death

to end her life.

I don't have a secret.

I gotta say,

I'm feeling really left out.

What is wrong with you?

Clearly nothing.

Oh, my God!

Can I join you?

This has been

kind of a lot, huh?

Are you okay?

How can I answer that?

I mean, my life

has been forever altered

multiple times in the last hour.

And I feel like sh*t

because it's not about me.

You're the one that's dying.

Well, we're all dying,

technically.

Yeah, but you schedule it

in a f*cking calendar.

I didn't feel well for a while.

Headaches, memory issues.

Signs that I saw that I ignored

because I was too busy

being super mom.

I thought if I pretended

that things didn't exist,

it would go away.

By the time I saw a doctor,

it was too late.

-Rachel, I--

-If I hadn't been so stubborn,

so insistent on being

everything for everyone,

then maybe things

would be different.

It's all I can think about.

Time.

How fleeting it is,

how precious.

It's just all gone by

so quickly.

And I am so f*cking angry.

I'm so angry at myself.

At the world, but I can't be

angry or sad for too long

because I have to be careful

for everybody else,

so I just pretend

like everything's fine.

And I pretend like

everything is perfect.

But I'm not perfect.

To me,

you've always been perfect.

She doesn't even look sick.

And this type of tumor

is a b*tch.

It is fast, it's aggressive.

It's neurological.

So, she might look like Rachel,

but soon, she...

won't be Rachel.

Would you do it?

If you had what she has,

would you do it?

It'll f*cking hurt me.

Hey, we gotta go.

How are we gonna

get through this?

Thank you.

They got us on the 6 o'clock.

Thanks, man.

I know you young ones

know what's going on,

but your mother

wants to talk about it.

What else is there

to talk about?

The life of the little one.

Wow, wow. That was incredible.

That was way better than

I could have ever anticipated.

I mean, honestly,

at first I kind of just thought

that you were another

sports player,

football player, whatever.

Boring.

But you've got this charisma

and this charm

that really works for you.

And that speech

about you coming out,

that was so emotional.

Those ratings gold,

if you ask me.

Oh, God.

Can I get some hairspray

in here, please?

Gonna drive home.

f*ck.

Oh, geez.

Before, I'm with this guy

from the corner,

and he's like, do you want me

to

so I was like, sure.

And then he asked me for coffee

after, and I was like,

no, and then, I was like,

I'm gonna...

-Mom?

-Mm-hmm?

You okay?

Yeah.

I'm fine.

You just gonna stand out here?

I don't know if I can do this.

Yeah, well...

Only one way to find out.

My mom's gonna die today.

So what, you think

I should give you this beer?

Yes.

Can't do that.

Why? Because I'm underage?

No, because

it's the last cold one.

That is so beautiful.

-Sorry I'm late.

-It's okay.

- Is Bryan here?

- No.

Hey, Car.

Why don't we give you two

a minute?

I think I saw some ice cream

that needs to be eaten.

Mmm, ice cream.

You want to get some ice cream

with Auntie Nat?

Why don't you see if Daddy

needs some help upstairs, huh?

It's okay, Mom. I got this.

Come on, Mavlyn, let's go

outside and play a game.

Okay.

Aunt Nat, I got it from here.

Just let me know

if you need anything.

Thanks, bud.

Is now a good time

to go over a few things?

Yeah.

You can come closer.

I won't bite.

I can't.

It's okay to cry.

I want you to know

that I will be here

for your kids.

Brian and I even talked about

me moving to Bowen.

The twins will be

off to college soon,

so it'll be perfect.

I'll make sure that

Michael and the kids

have everything they need.

-Car...

-I know...

that I will never replace you.

But I promise you

I will be here for everything.

-Don't.

-What?

I want you to love my kids,

Carrie,

but you don't need

to take care of them.

They are strong.

And Michael can do this.

I know he can.

I thought

you would want me to be here.

I want you to be happy.

I want you to be happy.

You can come and visit my kids.

You have them

for weekend sleepovers.

You come for Christmases.

You take them sledding.

You take them to that

little market that you love.

You tell them stories

about me and about us.

I want you

to tell them everything.

I'm not going to

tell them everything.

No.

I want you

to take care of yourself.

Please.

- My sister.

- Oh.

Sorry.

-I'm interrupting.

-No, no. Come on in.

How are you feeling?

Ugh.

Can we please talk about

something else?

I met a really hot guy

on Bumble.

Oh.

What's a Bumble?

Yeah. It's all in the wrist.

You're here to talk to me

like I'm a little kid?

Tell me that

this is what my mom wants

and she'll be at peace

or whatever.

No.

Yeah, well, that's

what everyone keeps doing.

And I'm getting

really tired of it.

Because it's not the truth.

The truth is,

my mom is going to f*cking die.

And just because

she believes in God

and Heaven,

doesn't make it real.

When you're dead...

you're dead.

I'm sick of being treated

like a f*cking baby.

You should tell her that.

Tell her what?

Tell her how you feel.

And give her the opportunity

to treat you like a grown-up.

This is your last chance.

Anything you don't say...

you're going to regret forever.

Trust me.

Your turn.

-Um, do you have a seven?

-That looks fun.

And do you have a Jack?

Michael.

-Hmm?

-Keep your heart open.

- Rachel.

- No.

I want you to be happy.

Mom.

-Whoa.

-I need to talk to you.

I'm going to need you

to slow down, young one.

Your mother's resting.

Rest?

So she isn't too tired

to k*ll herself?

Okay, bring that tone

all the way down.

It's fine, sweetie, it's fine.

-Let me talk to her, okay?

-Yeah.

Okay.

Kiss. All right,

all right, all right.

Honey.

I know that you are scared.

And angry.

I'm angry too.

I'm angry

that there isn't more time.

That I'm not

going to see you grow up,

or graduate,

or walk down the aisle.

I am not going to be there

for all of those moments,

and Isabelle,

I am so, so sorry about that.

Honey.

You will survive this.

You will.

And you will thrive.

I'm sorry, Mom.

It's okay. It's okay.

- It's okay.

- Mommy.

It's okay.

My baby girl, it's okay.

It's time.

Come on.

No, I can't.

This is it.

You don't get

a second chance to say goodbye.

I know.

It's okay.

Hey. I love you.

I'm ready.

Time of death:

18:52.

Ben, let's get the kids

out of here.

Hey.

Is there something I should do?

Yeah.

Pass me my wine.

It's done.

Let me help you.

Hey ladies.

Thank you so much

for everything.

- I'm gonna go find my dad.

- Okay.

Rachel would

want us to get drunk.

Go, go, catch her.

-Hey.

-Hey.

Hey.

Oh. Can I have a hit?

You shouldn't do drugs.

Pot's legal.

And, uh, I'm an adult.

-So.

-Well, that's one of us.

Hey, you okay?

Um, this is for you.

She wrote one for everybody.

Oh, I read it, sorry.

That's okay.

What does it say?

Hmm.

You know,

how much she loves you.

And, uh,

something about New Orleans.

I wish I hadn't read that part.

Or about you talking to me

about sex and stuff,

which, please don't.

If that's okay with you.

No offense.

None taken.

Anything else I should know?

Yeah.

To live.

So, what now?

We go swimming.