Dani Rovira: Vale la pena (2025)

[bunniefuu]

Well, Dani, the session is over.

How are you?

Well, I'm good.

I'm actually feeling better.

That's what I like to hear, Dani.

Onwards and upwards.

-Yeah, see you next week. Thanks.

-See you next week.

Dani, remember to send me the money!

The money, Dani!

ECHO

CENTER FOR PSYCHOLOGY

DANI ROVIRA

IT'S WORTH ISo I've been on a shitty streak.

Thank you very much for coming today.

And you're in luck because today, here,

we'll be talking about sadness.

There will be

quite a few confessions tonight.

The first confession I have to make

is that, for the last few years,

I've been seriously flirting

with sadness, okay?

And after all these years,

have I learned anything? Yes.

I've learned a lot.

For starters, that we don't like sadness.

We don't like feeling it,

and we don't like seeing it in others.

And we don't know how to deal with it.

Not our own, and not anyone else's.

Look, in all these years,

just one person, literally one,

has ever told me something

that actually stuck with me.

I remember, one afternoon,

I was having coffee with a friend.

I was feeling down.

I was opening up,

telling him I couldn't take it anymore.

Then suddenly, he says

I'm sharing all this

so you can use it in your own life.

Suddenly, my friend says, "Dani, bro."

"Don't be sad."

I haven't called him since.

We don't like sadness

or any other unpleasant emotion,

obviously, right?

But sadness is a bit worse

because it exposes us.

Because when the sadness gets intense,

we cry, and that exposes us.

And it's true that, even today,

crying in public

is still kind of a taboo, right?

It shows vulnerability.

And without even realizing it,

we try to shut it down

in little kids, right?

That whole, "Don't cry.

It makes you look ugly."

The next time I hear someone say that

to a kid, I'll kick them in the chest.

The adult, I mean.

And when it comes to crying,

even now it's still seen

as a gender thing, you know?

Look, there's this famous quote

that's over 500 years old.

Some of you have probably heard it.

It was back when the Catholic Monarchs

were finishing the reconquest of Spain,

and the last stronghold left

was the Kingdom of Granada.

Remember that?

Boabdil was there with his entourage.

They'd been under siege for a long time.

Spoiler alert. It's history.

We know how it ends.

But there came a moment when Boabdil

had to hand over the keys to the city.

That had to be one of the toughest moments

for any historical figure we know.

And at that moment, Boabdil's mother,

not some in-law of her sister's cousin,

but no, Boabdil's own mother tells him,

"Cry like a woman

for what you couldn't defend like a man."

Excuse me?

Damn, you didn't hold back,

did you, Boabdila?

What's past is prologue, right?

I think it's safe to say

we've all felt sadness at some point,

some more deeply, some more often.

A while back, I started thinking about

if there was a time in my life

when sadness really pushed

its way in, you know?

Like in a way I couldn't ignore.

And, yes, I do think

there was an exact moment

around 11 years ago,

the same time

that the movie Spanish Affair came out.

Sound familiar? It does, doesn't it?

I'd never done cinema before.

Not once in my life, okay?

I was doing this kind of thing,

what you're seeing here,

and out of nowhere,

the chance to do this movie came up.

I did it, obviously.

And just like that, overnight,

I became the lead

in the highest-grossing film

in Spanish cinema history.

And the way the industry's going,

I'll take that record to the grave.

I don't know if I should laugh or cry,

but facts are facts.

I'm not sure how you all saw it,

like a big event or whatever,

but I don't know if anybody thought about

what it was like for me.

I mean, for me, it was a crazy few months

when amazing things started to happen,

and I had no idea how to deal with them.

I went from never doing a film in my life

to suddenly getting bombarded

with scripts and offers

from directors and producers.

I was like, "This is crazy!"

The demand for theater shows.

I was already doing theater,

but the demand tripled.

Like, "Dani, come do a show in Alicante!"

"Okay!"

"Dani, come do a show in Barcelona!"

"Okay!"

"Dani, come do a show in Murcia!"

"Why Murcia?"

He says, "Good point." I didn't go.

I mean, if I don't roast

the Murcian crowd a little,

I'm not happy, and neither are they.

Are there any Murcians here?

Actually, none of us care.

You know how brands work, right?

They throw a famous face on something

It works on me. I'm at home

and see an ad with a famous person,

I run out in my underwear to buy it.

So, of course, the brands would call me.

"Dani, our brand"

"Your face on our brand,

our brand on your face."

I'm like, "I don't understand anything."

Well, I started dating

the star of the movie.

It was a beautiful love story.

I mean, it was great.

On paper, from the outside, right?

You can't even imagine

what that was like for me.

But three or four months later,

one morning, I wake up

Out of nowhere, I wake up one morning,

and suddenly, I'm crying,

but full-on crying, like, "Oh sh*t."

Like when you have to take a dump,

and you go, "sh*t."

I couldn't stop, and I didn't know why.

Then all of a sudden,

my girlfriend at the time says

one of the most sensible things

I've ever heard.

"Hey, Dani, why don't you go to therapy?"

And I said, "Okay, sure."

It's weird when you think about it, right?

Those two lines almost never go together.

"Why don't you try therapy?"

And someone just says, "Sure." No.

What usually happens is,

"Why don't you try therapy?"

"Therapy?!"

"What, a shrink? The loony bin?

You think I'm crazy?"

I say, "No, I'm not saying that."

"Am I crazy?"

They say, "No, Dani, you're not."

I say, "'Cause I've been going to therapy

for 11 years, bud."

And let me tell you something, okay?

I'm f*cking tired of going to therapy

because of people who don't go to therapy.

Just saying.

Just saying.

If you're dead set

against going to therapy,

at least help pay for ours

since we're fixing our problems and yours.

Anyway, I was recommended a therapist,

the same one

I've been seeing for 11 years.

I still see him. His name is Salvador.

I'd never been to therapy before,

and suddenly, I find myself in this room

with a guy with a very kind face

sitting in an armchair,

another chair in front of him.

I sit down, and he says,

"Dani, tell me what brought you here."

At first, I didn't know what to say.

But I started opening up to him,

talking non-stop.

A full hour talking.

That's not normal for me.

And when the hour was up,

the guy stopped me and said,

"Look, Dani, what I'm picking up from you

is a deep sadness."

I was like, "Oh sh*t, sadness?"

I hadn't thought of that.

I was thinking maybe frustration,

pressure, stress.

No, sadness. I go, "What's up with that?"

"Dani, because two things are going on."

"One, you're grieving."

"And two, you don't know

that you're grieving."

I go, "But I don't know

anyone who's died."

And he says,

"No, it might not be literal."

"It could be a metaphorical death

of something in your life."

And suddenly,

I started to understand a lot of things.

For example, we're not aware

of how precious certain things are

because we already have them.

We only miss them once they're gone.

For example, I know

most of you have something

you don't realize you have

'cause no one's ever taken it from you.

Like arms, okay? Super obvious, right?

You don't wake up every morning

and go, "Oh, thank God."

"Another amazing Tuesday with arms."

No. I mean, we have them, right?

But I'm talking about something

a bit more subtle, which is anonymity.

You don't realize how valuable it is

until it's gone.

It hit me when I started noticing

that I could no longer do

certain everyday things,

like picking up my nephews from school,

or buy a sandwich and a beer

and head to the Mlaga beach

with a book, sit under an umbrella,

and just be left alone.

That's gone now. It's over.

You need to understand that, back then,

the moment I stepped outside,

I was a rare Pokmon.

It was wild. Well, 11 years have gone by.

You might want to ask,

"Well, Dani, how are you?"

And I'd say, "Better."

Not "well." "Better."

That's because, first off,

11 years have gone by,

because over time, you pick up tools

to deal with whatever life throws at you.

And the hype has died down.

I'm not as trendy as I used to be.

And I couldn't be more grateful.

Also, I spend a lot of time

at home these days, not gonna lie.

Tonight, I'm gonna share a bunch of tools

that helped me climb out of a rough place.

I'll also give advice.

I like giving advice.

Some people hate it.

"People who give advice"

Don't take it then. Great.

Let me give you a piece of advice,

the first one of the day.

If you're walking down the street

and see someone you truly admire,

and I mean admire for real,

not fake admiration just to snap a pic

to prove you have a big d*ck online,

like not caring whether

it's Pepn Nieto or Ortega Smith.

No, I mean true admiration, you know?

If you see someone like this

on the street,

my advice is

leave them alone.

Leave them alone.

Just watch from a distance,

like you're on safari.

In their habitat. See what they do.

But leave them Don't

Because you don't know

where that person's headed,

where they're coming from,

or what they're dealing with.

But if you still feel

that uncontrollable urge

to interact with that person,

here's another little tip.

First, think very carefully

about what you're gonna say or do.

Then execute.

I mean, execute your plan, not k*ll them.

Many things have happened over the years,

some of them more than once.

I'll tell you a couple

so we can have a laugh,

but there's one that's a classic.

Someone comes up to you and says,

"Wow, it's Dani Rovira, bro!

Wow, bro, you're my fan!"

Whatever you say, honey.

Or the other version,

"Wow, Dani Rovira, bro! I'm your idol!"

And I'm like, "Yeah, totally.

My bedroom's full of your posters man."

"Fan" and "idol" aren't the same,

but they're not opposites.

Still, I get it. Words can be confusing,

especially if you're nervous.

It happens to me all the time.

It happens to me

with "tunnel" and "bridge."

I know what a tunnel is, careful now.

I know what a bridge is, careful now.

But sometimes, when I'm talking,

I mix them up. I have to

I said to my brother,

"How'd the tunnel go at the dentist?"

He said, "What tunnel, dumbass?"

Same with "backpack" and "suitcase,"

"shirt" and "T-shirt."

And then with English,

some words always mess me up.

I don't speak English,

but I can fake it a little.

But there are two words

that always make me stop and think.

They are "after" and "before."

Because to us, "after" sounds like

"When was that?"

"It was 'after' yesterday." Like

And "before" sounds like it can wait.

"When's that for?" "That's for 'before.'"

I feel like they're the ones

who are wrong, let me tell you.

And then there'll be people who mix up

I mean, everyone has their reasons.

"I get the word 'd*ck'

confused with 'guacamole.'"

That's great, Nacho.

Anyway

Usually, when people run into me

on the street and approach me,

I usually end up disappointing them.

If it's just a quick interaction,

I disappoint them, just because.

And a lot of people walk away

from that interaction

thinking one of two things.

Either that I'm rude

or that I'm very shy.

I'm not shy.

I'm just discreet.

On the street, you'll always see me

with my cap on,

minding my own business,

with my headphones in,

keeping my head down.

If you leave me alone,

I'll leave you alone.

It's something I don't I mean, I'm not

It happened to me the other day

when I had a show in Burgos.

Burgos, the city that never sleeps.

My God, the streets were empty

at 4:00 p.m.

I was like, "This is great."

Suddenly, a guy on the other side

of the sidewalk yells,

"A famous guy!"

I'm like, "Seriously?"

"If you're gonna call me out,

at least be specific."

'"A famous guy.'"

"I'm sure you're famous too

in your f*cking living room."

I don't know. At the very least,

you could say, "Good afternoon."

Say, "Hello," "How are you,"

or at least a verb.

Some people say, "Dani, photo!"

It sounds like, "Dani, heads up!"

Like they threw something at me.

Come on, man. Listen.

I remember one time I was in an elevator.

I think it was in a hotel.

You press the button,

going up to a high floor,

the doors start closing,

and you see someone approaching.

That's when you do that classic,

"Oh, yes"

You don't want them to enter.

You do that, "Oh, yes"

But you're not actually

pressing any buttons.

"Ah" What is this?

This is fake. This is

"Ah"

It could be your mother

in a wheelchair. "Dani"

You go, "Yes, Mom. Ah"

It closes. You go, "f*ck you, b*tch."

What's wrong? We don't want it.

It's how we are.

I don't know.

We just like to be alone in the elevator.

Maybe to look in the mirror, take a photo,

adjust your nuts, whatever.

Anyway, an old man walked in

with a white beard,

white hair, wearing loose clothes,

very zen vibe, you know?

I go, "What's this guy's deal?"

Anyway, he hits the button.

We stand there

in that classic awkward elevator silence.

And he says, "Excuse me,

can I ask you a question?"

I'm thinking, "You already did,

so technically this is your second."

I go, "Yeah, of course."

He stares at me,

and he goes

"Is it you?"

Damn, he said it so seriously,

I wasn't even sure.

I looked in the mirror.

"Am I wearing a Spider-Man suit

or something?"

"Is it you?" asks the m*therf*cker.

It reminds me of an interview with Estopa.

One of them said he was walking,

and someone said,

"Hey, is it you or your brother?"

That's messed up.

Look, from the pandemic up to now

Don't worry,

this is the first and last time

I'll mention this global event

that flipped our lives upside down

and left everyone with a few extra burdens

to carry in our backpacks,

some more than others.

In my case, my backpack's been

full of gremlins since that event.

I've gone through quite a few losses,

more than I'd care to count, honestly.

Some were harder to handle than others,

but losses all the same.

So I want to share with you two losses

I've had to deal with over the years

that hit me very hard,

which was the loss of two great friends,

who were basically like family to me,

my life companions,

my pups Bullo and Carapapa, okay?

Also, one passed away

around eight months after the other.

I was still recovering from the first

when the second one passed.

It was like, "Wow."

Well, I cried.

I cried

I mean, I cried like a woman

for what I couldn't defend

like a veterinarian.

But, you know, it was a kind of crying

that made me go,

"Damn, I've never cried like this before."

And you know me.

I love giving names to things.

It was the kind of crying

that made me call it "a clean cry."

"A clean cry." I mean, I felt pain.

I missed them. I felt sadness.

I even had that sobbing hiccup like

All of that. But it felt clean.

You know why?

Because I didn't feel guilt.

It's a relief. I didn't feel guilt.

They died at 12 years old.

Could they have lived longer? Sure.

Could they have died sooner? Absolutely.

But we had a great time together.

I saved their lives.

In a way, they saved mine as well.

I mean, it's all good.

Also, my therapist Salvador always says,

"Dani, crying is a way

to heal your mourning

as well as a way to honor

what is no longer here, right?"

"And when the tears turn into stories,

into laughter, into memories,

you've got to keep going,

because it's a way to honor

what is no longer here."

So with that in mind,

I'm gonna tell you a little story

from the first weeks

when I first got my dog, Carapapa.

I'd never had a dog before.

Total newbie. I had no clue.

And suddenly, there I was,

alone in my apartment

with this little furball,

barely three kilos,

just three or four months old, a puppy.

That first week, it was 24/7.

We were inseparable.

I was like, "How does this work?"

She was like, "How does he work?"

We were like

But at some point, you have to go to work.

If you live alone, you gotta leave her

at home alone for a bit.

The first few times, it's like, "Wow."

I set up everything for her.

Her bed, something for her to drink.

Water, of course. I don't give her Coke.

I leave her some food.

I make sure everything is safe. All good.

And I head off to work,

but I'm a bit reluctant, you know?

After six or seven hours,

I come back home,

and the neighbor pops out and goes,

"Dani, she's been crying all morning

and scratching the door with her paw."

I'm like, "Oh no. Seriously"

I open the door and see two or three

puddles of pee, a little turd.

The chair leg was all chewed up, like

And there she is, in the hallway,

looking super nervous, like

Peeing herself.

I go, "Oh, you poor thing."

"Carapapa, come now, what's wrong?"

"There we go.

Everything's okay. Don't worry."

"You wanna go to therapy?"

"Okay, then." Okay, right?

Watch out.

Anyway, I get a recommendation

for a dog trainer, an ethologist.

And I talk to him

and explain what happened.

And he says, "Look, Dani, don't worry."

"That's completely normal,

especially with new pups."

"What you're dealing with

is something called separation anxiety."

And I'm like, "Wow!"

And I ask, "What is that exactly?"

And he says, "Well, basically,

that means your dog

has separation anxiety."

The definition's in the name.

So I go,

"Okay, is there something I can do?"

He goes, "Yes, there are a few methods.

They aren't too complicated."

"You just need to be consistent."

I tried a few,

but one in particular really helped.

And I thought it was very touching,

so I want to share it with you.

The guy said, "Look, Dani,

when you go out for a few hours,

just leave her a piece of your clothing

that smells like you, okay?"

As you know, dogs have a sense of smell

a thousand times sharper than ours.

And their sense of smell

is also closely linked to their emotions,

which is really special.

We had that too, but we've lost it

trying to be so civilized.

It sounded great.

He says, "When you leave,

leave clothing that smells like you."

"Dogs have their own

sort of magical thought process,

and if they can smell someone

who represents their friend,

their protector,

their guardian, their family,

it helps them stay calm."

I go, "Man, that's beautiful.

I'll give it a try."

So before I head out to work,

I go to my closet

where there's a pile of clothes,

and I go like this

And I see a winter pajama top

from the Stone Age.

I grab it, smell it, and go,

"Holy sh*t, it really smells like me!"

"It smells more like me than I do. How?"

So before I leave,

I move her bed out like this

into the hallway,

I take the pajama top,

I pick up the puppy.

I set her down there, plop.

She lays there peacefully

with her head on the pajama like this

She was super calm.

I left her there thinking,

"Man, this will either k*ll you

or make you stronger."

So I left, thinking,

"Well, let's see if this works."

I came back six or seven hours later.

You'll notice I never work eight.

And the neighbor hasn't come out

to say anything yet.

And I open the door.

And I see the bed,

the pajama top,

but the dog wasn't there,

which was my primary focus, obviously.

And I stop, look around,

start listening closely,

and I hear

I have a hallway here and a living room

Well, the living room.

It's not like I have 17 living rooms.

I go over,

and on the floor near the sofa, I see

Look, I keep a blanket on the sofa.

It's that typical blanket

you use for a post-lunch nap.

I'm Andalusian. What can I say?

It must have been dangling down,

and the dog must have used

her mouth or paw to drag it down.

Anyway, I saw the blanket on the floor,

all bunched up,

and the dog fast asleep on top of it,

comfy as can be.

I said, "Of course,

the blanket smells like me."

"The f*ck self-medicated."

Of course.

And I said, "Well, as long as it worked"

I picked up the blanket, put it back

on the sofa, spent the day with her,

and the pajama trick again

the next day.

She did the blanket thing

three more times.

The fourth time,

when I tried to put it back,

she gave me a mob boss look

like Joe Pesci, and said,

"This blanket is mine now, for good."

I went

And from then on, that blanket was hers.

It stayed with her

for the rest of her life,

until the very end.

And by then, of course, it smelled

way more like her than it did like me.

In case any of you have a new dog at home

who's having a hard time,

first, call a professional.

And you should know there are

some really helpful techniques out there.

This is kind of a turning point

in the show, okay?

You've been a great audience.

You've been holding my hand

through all of this.

So I want to thank you

by sharing a confession with you.

And you know it's true because

this is the show that will be aired.

I didn't release the other one.

The audience sucked.

This one will be aired.

That's the truth.

When you find out I said the same thing

on the other show

I've got a confession for you.

A little gift for you, okay?

Attention.

I'm a big fan,

and I mean a huge fan.

Damn, I've got you hooked, don't I?

You'd join a f*cking cult

if I asked you to.

Watch out. No, I'm kidding.

Okay, here goes.

I'm a huge, and I mean huge fan

of eating p*ssy.

Huge fan.

Eating p*ssy is probably

one of my top ten favorite things in life.

Imagine if I just changed topics.

You'd go, "What's going on?"

"He went from

talking about trauma to p*ssy."

Don't worry. Take my hand.

Let's go to a safe place.

Don't worry.

Okay.

Since I'm such a huge fan,

whenever I get the chance,

anytime the situation allows for it,

I ask to do it, I make a request.

Matthew 7:7, "Ask and you shall receive."

It's in the Bible.

And look, for whatever reason,

in all these years,

I think I'm just a very lucky person,

I've been granted

the opportunity enough times

to be able to say I'm a f*cking rock star

when it comes to eating p*ssy.

When it comes to eating p*ssy,

nobody's got anything on me, okay?

Nobody.

Okay.

Having said that

Having said that,

I'd like to offer you all

a little gift tonight.

Your imagination really ran

with that one, huh?

I'd have a six-pack on my tongue

by the end of the night.

No. What I want to give you

are a few tips,

some advice,

so that, from now on,

whenever you dive into

the beautiful act of cunnilingus,

you can make it

a much more satisfying experience, okay?

You might be thinking,

"Damn, Dani will give us advice

on eating p*ssy better."

No.

No, that's not what this is about.

My advice is

for people who have a p*ssy

and let us eat them out.

Just switching perspectives here. Okay.

Having said that, before we jump in,

I feel like it's the perfect moment

to begin with a brief bit

of genital anatomy context, okay?

I think it's necessary.

You might say, "No, it's not."

It's always necessary

to give a bit of context, okay?

Excuse me if I get a bit technical, okay?

What is a d*ck?

I'm going to say "d*ck" and "p*ssy" a lot.

Excuse me.

They're just three syllables,

just like any other repeated word.

We're adults here.

No need for euphemisms

if there's already a word for something.

What is a d*ck?

The d*ck is one of the human body's

anatomical-genital devices,

located just below the pubic area.

It's a part of the body

that sticks out, okay?

Some stick out more,

and others you need a mirror for.

Look.

And since I love names and metaphors

Look, if I was a cathedral

Picture this. If I was a cathedral,

it would be the gargoyle, okay?

Cathedrals and gargoyles

Plenty to go around.

How many times

have you seen a huge cathedral,

and the gargoyle ends up disappointing?

Or maybe you see a little parish church,

and the gargoyle

can't fit through the door.

Or maybe you see a cathedral.

"Where's the gargoyle?"

It has one, but since the cathedral

hasn't been well-kept and is overgrown,

you can't see it.

That needs to be trimmed.

Or maybe the cathedral wall is so smooth

that you can see the gargoyle

from Albacete.

Some gargoyles have big heads.

Some gargoyles look sad.

Some gargoyles tilt one way,

some the other way.

Some gargoyles have lost their firmness

over the years.

You've got the micro-gargoyle,

the pencil one

There are so many types of gargoyles.

And all of them are beautiful.

And all of them deserve

to feel pleasure, okay?

Also, I think

the d*ck is a much more

accessible body part, right?

We wear clothes,

but if we walked around nude

Personally, I enjoy going to a nude beach

in the summer from time to time.

I like the feeling of being naked.

"Which beach?" As if I'd tell you.

I always go to this one beach

with a buddy of mine.

He always shows up after I do.

And he's already naked

when he steps out of his car.

He's already naked, okay?

That means I'm on the beach,

and I see him coming,

and he's carrying a cooler, an umbrella,

with a bag here

I mean, his hands are full.

So he walks up to me, says hello,

but doesn't put anything down.

"What's up, Dani? How's it going?"

I mean, I'm like

I'm not gonna kiss him on the cheek.

I go, "How's it hanging?"

Picture a modern monarchy,

but it's a nudist colony.

You show up at a royal reception.

"Hi, how's it going? How are you?"

"Good day, Your Majesty. How art thou?"

Or in the metro.

Imagine you're in the metro.

Someone says to you, "Are you holding on?'

You go, "Yeah."

"That makes two of us. Let's go."

"Hit me with those sharp turns."

Am I right?

Anyway

What is a p*ssy?

The p*ssy is the human body's

other anatomical-genital device,

but instead of being

at the lower pubic area,

it's tucked away a bit lower down

in an area I like to call

the Aragonese perineal region, okay?

From the outside,

it's a little more modest,

a bit more discreet.

The p*ssy is more contained.

Well

I've seen pussies that look like

a cold-cut sandwich made in a hurry.

And all you get is

a mouth full of deli meat.

A bit of bread wouldn't hurt.

But all pussies are beautiful,

and all of them deserve

to feel pleasure, okay?

I would say, ergonomically,

sucking a d*ck is a lot more accessible.

I think there are more easy techniques.

You don't have to be in perfect shape

to suck a d*ck without doing gymnastics.

Here's someone with a d*ck.

You say, "Hey." Good vibes.

"Can I suck your d*ck?"

They go, "Sure, suck my d*ck." You go

You just bend down like this

You can do this or do this.

Even without your hands.

If they're lying down, like this,

with or without hands.

If they're standing facing the other way,

you can steer your ship around the back.

I would think sucking a d*ck

is a lot more fun.

I would think, right?

That's what I've heard.

No, wait. Let me tell you something.

I've been having so much fun lately

that I might come next year

and tell you what it was like.

Careful now.

Don't let heterosexuality

stop you from having fun.

We only live once. Careful now.

If you suck a d*ck, it is what it is.

However,

eating a p*ssy, if the owner of said p*ssy

doesn't help you out a little,

ergonomically,

it's a bit more complicated.

The same situation, right?

You're with someone who has a p*ssy.

You're vibing.

"Want me to eat your p*ssy?" "Go for it."

And usually, the person goes like this.

"Okay, eat my p*ssy."

And you're looking at them

You look at them,

and it makes you want to say,

"It looks like Squidward fell

from the fifth floor."

You kick them like this,

saying, "Hey, girl."

You're not sure if you should

perform cunnilingus or call a coroner.

Okay, whatever. She's no help.

But since I enjoy doing it so much,

I'll do the work for the both of us.

And then,

the position itself is uncomfortable

from the get-go.

Excuse me, guys.

Suddenly, you're like this.

Take a look at

The position is awkward

because the person is because

And since the lights are off,

instead of poking around

to find everything,

you start nudging around with your face.

You're nudging around with your face

Picture a truffle hog, okay?

Searching You're in there

But the position is super awkward.

It's super awkward,

and it makes you want to say,

"Damn, help me out a bit.

Tuck in your tailbone."

"Tilt your hips back a bit, you know?

Help me out with the angle, okay?"

And on top of that, as soon as they feel

that first nice little tingle,

what do they usually do? They go

And they turn

and contract it in even more.

You're no longer a truffle hog.

You've turned into an anteater.

If they get up and leave

and somebody else comes in,

they'll see a man drinking

from a puddle on the ground.

"Hi."

"Is there a drought here?" Anyway

Let me tell you something.

Human beings have something

called cervical vertebrae, all right?

At a certain point, they stop extending.

You'll be down there for 10, 15 minutes,

half an hour, whatever it takes!

But when you're done, your neck is like

You end up with a full-on prolapse.

"Did you like it?"

"Yes. What's wrong with your neck?"

"I'm about to have a violin class."

"Once you leave,

I'll just stick it in here."

You can be like this for a week.

"What do I do now?"

I'll go apartment hunting. Look.

"For sale, fourth floor."

While I have you here

For f*ck's sake!

Okay.

Second tip.

I know you've been complaining

your whole lives,

and for good reason,

that your partners

have always been self-centered,

that they have always been selfish,

that their pleasure

is more important than yours,

that when they finish, it's all over.

And you're right.

It's been that way for many years.

But thankfully,

we're finally living in a time

of progress, of equality,

of open-mindedness,

of generosity in general.

And that's really cool.

If you'd have said "clitoris"

to me 25 years ago,

I might have said, "Water Pokmon!"

But now I can tell you,

"Did you know that the clitoris

is the only organ in the human body

that is exclusively designed

to receive pleasure?"

-Damn!

-Yes!

"Yes," she says. Of course.

And she only has one hand raised.

sh*t, if that's how it is,

let's make the most of it, right?

I mean, when you are about

to perform cunnilingus,

a p*ssy buffet,

the clitoris is always

right here for me, okay?

I mean, not literally. Well, sometimes.

But you need to find it, of course.

It's not like you say

Look, if it's a familiar p*ssy

I mean, "familiar." Hold on.

You're fam I mean

Someone you're familiar with.

f*cking Spanish!

I mean, you take the first few seconds

to get acquainted with the map.

Every p*ssy is its own world.

Remember that.

So you're all up in there, and suddenly

I'm not talking about finding the G-spot,

but you look for the clitoris.

You look for

When you find it, you say, "That's it!"

No, that's not it.

"That's it, then." No.

You're not a cow licking a post.

You have to be

It's not one-size-fits-all.

A bit over here, a little pressure here.

You listen, observe. It's very magical.

And after two or three minutes,

just when you've got it down,

right when they start to get into it,

they go, "Ay!"

They go, "Uy!"

And they slide half a meter away from you.

And you're there like

With a bridge hanging out of your mouth,

and you say,

"Damn, I should've dropped a pin

or marked the location."

It's like when you're reading Don Quijote

and you drop it,

and you go, "I didn't leave a bookmark.

I have no f*cking clue where I was."

I understand if you enjoy it,

you might move around,

but please, don't move.

I started eating p*ssy over here,

and I ended up over here.

I look like a Roomba looking

for its charging station. Please!

Third tip.

Don't say anything important

while we're down there.

It's hard to hear.

The message gets distorted.

There've been plenty of mornings

when I've heard,

"Hey, didn't you buy coffee?"

"I didn't know we needed coffee."

"I told you last night."

"Last night, when?"

"Last night when you were down there"

I go, "Ah."

"I heard lots of things.

I didn't understand any of them."

I was down there,

and I heard something like

I was like

"I thought you'd gone crazy

and were singing a Maluma song."

And finally, the fourth

and most important tip.

It's not a fairy tale. It's not a fantasy.

It's not an urban legend.

No. It's a reality.

You can reach orgasm

through cunnilingus.

It's a beautiful thing.

It's a goal

we should always be aiming for.

It's the sh*t. I mean, come on.

But let me tell you,

if you ever

reach orgasm through cunnilingus,

please never forget

This is very serious.

Never forget

that what you have between your legs

is a human being

who wants to continue to live their life.

Please.

Because I can understand

that when you realize there's something

between your legs that gives you pleasure,

your survival instinct kicks in

like a bear trap, and you go,

"I want you all to myself

for the rest of my life."

But keep in mind,

that person has feelings,

and they need a certain level of oxygen

to get to their brain, okay?

I've seen my life flash before my eyes

four or five times in these situations.

I'm telling the truth.

I won't eat a p*ssy

unless I have a jack holding up the bed.

I've done it all. I've played dead.

"Maybe if she sees dead prey,

she'll get bored and open up."

I've rubbed Vaseline behind my ears

like you do to the dumb kid so his head

won't get stuck in the banister.

Once, I went and stuck a melon in

so she wouldn't notice.

And the melon went "boom!"

It could have been me!

You've gone completely overboard

with the Body Pump, with Pilates,

with CrossFit.

Please!

Please.

Please.

Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Okay, I am sharing these tips with you

with the intention that, starting today,

this city and whoever sees this

can lead a more joyful life

when engaging in cunnilingus.

I just want people to be happy.

People are so angry.

But I know there's always that group

who always has a "but."

They go, "Okay, sure."

"Advice for people who own a p*ssy.

But what about people with dicks?"

"When you get a blowjob,

you do everything you need to do?"

I go, "Me? Excuse me,

but I definitely pull my weight."

I really do pull my weight.

Like what?

Things like availability, for example.

I always agree to it.

One time I didn't,

but it was during confession.

And then

I have to say

that over 90% of the times

that someone has offered

to give me a blowjob,

they usually have long hair, okay?

And often, they don't tie their hair back.

What happens then?

As you watch them treat you

to that amazing pleasure,

you see them down there like

Do you seriously watch them do that

and not do anything about it?

I always

And I

And I say, "You just focus

on the task at hand. I'll"

And I put it in a ponytail, of course.

There have been times when they finish,

they look in the mirror,

and they say, "Caribbean braids?"

And I go

"If you have more time tomorrow,

I'll dye it."

One of the tools that has helped me

to get through depression,

I'm not ashamed to admit it,

is magical thinking, okay?

I know a lot of people hear that and go,

"Dani, that stuff, magical thinking"

There are people

who don't believe in it or who Look.

Magical thinking exists, whether or not

we believe in it or know what it is.

It has existed for hundreds of years.

We've all done some type

of magical thinking without knowing.

For example, it's your birthday.

And you get a cake with candles.

The candles are lit.

Your family and friends

are singing "Happy Birthday."

And when the song is over,

you go to blow out the candles,

and they all go, "No, wait!"

"Make a wish."

Even though you don't believe in it,

you go, "Okay, sure."

You think, "They're so pushy.

I'll think of a wish."

And while you're at it,

you think of a dope one.

You think, "Just in case."

That's magical thinking.

Magical thinking is like, one afternoon,

you've got some sort of challenge or event

that has you a bit worried,

that's difficult,

and, I don't know,

you have a dress or a shirt

that you feel an emotional connection to

for whatever reason.

It gives you good luck,

good vibes, good energy.

And you say, "I'll put on this dress today

because it will help me deal with that."

That's magical thinking.

Magical thinking is when you're at home

drinking your morning coffee,

and you feel like sh*t,

and your mug has

one of those corny little phrases

everyone always rolls their eyes at.

But if that corny little phrase helps you

step outside feeling a little better,

that's magical thinking.

And it's real because it helps you.

If it helps you,

use whatever magical thinking you want.

For example,

I have always used magical thinking.

But during this rough patch,

I've used it even more.

I've used it a lot more.

For example, when I'm exercising.

I love exercising, training.

I studied sports science.

But the truth is, during that time,

since your brain's chemistry is off,

your whole body feels it.

You can't perform. You feel awful.

The sadness just shuts you down.

I would go running at Retiro Park,

and one day, a mime passed me.

I said, "That's sad!"

"That's sad."

I really enjoy running

down the Madrid Ro, right?

And I remember, one day, I was running.

I had run a kilometer.

And I was like,

"Man, I can't run anymore."

I wanted to cry. I had nothing left.

I went

I went, "Dani, come on, man.

Do some magical thinking."

I was like, "Come on."

And I looked ahead down the path,

and about 500 meters away,

there was a tunnel, okay?

Or a bridge, I don't know.

It was about 500 meters away.

And I said to myself,

"Okay, if I make it there

in the next two and a half minutes"

I made it up on the spot.

I said,

"My parents will be freed,

who have been kidnapped

in Colombia

by a drug cartel."

It's not true,

but I believed it.

You should've seen me

running down the Madrid Ro that day.

I was like,

"My parents!"

I reach the bridge. Boom!

Two and a half minutes.

Does magical thinking work or not?

I made it.

I mean, it wasn't actually true.

Obviously, I made it up.

My parents are still

being held hostage, I mean.

I'm going to ask you for a little favor.

Raise your hand

if you have a significant other.

You don't have to be with them here,

but if you have one.

Don't worry. We won't get personal.

I just want to get a picture of

Raise your hand

if you have a significant other.

Okay.

Yeah, it's usually around half of you,

maybe a few more, maybe less.

There's strange behavior.

Okay, thanks.

Sometimes someone raises their hand,

they look over, "What?" "Oh, we're not"

A type of limbo.

If that's the case, I'll add an asterisk,

"See 'wants to date me.'"

That clears things up.

I'm going to tell you

an uncomfortable truth.

And this is the only absolute truth

I will share tonight.

All couples lie to each other.

All of them.

Does anyone disagree?

Okay.

But look, I'm going to park

that thought for now. Okay?

I'm gonna be like one of those chefs

you see on TV.

They're mixing a sauce and say,

"And we will set this sauce aside

for later"

It's over there, okay?

I won't forget. It's over there.

Okay, I have another tool

I want to share with you.

Meditation.

Meditation has really helped me.

Some people hear "meditation" and say,

"Dani, that whole meditation thing"

"That's for yogis, right?"

"Those spiritual people

who get in weird poses."

No.

Anyone can meditate.

I meditate, so

I even have an app on my phone

that has guided meditations.

And that's it. It's not complicated.

You just have to do it.

How can I explain

what meditation means to me

in just a few words?

To me.

For me, meditating is about deciding to

setting aside five, ten,

maybe fifteen minutes a day,

no need for more,

where you choose

to focus completely on yourself

and turn down the noise outside

so you can face the noise inside,

which can sometimes be even louder, right?

And during that time

that you focus on yourself,

the exercise is basically about

becoming aware of yourself,

of the here and now, right?

Trying not to let your mind

wander off to anything else.

Just your body, the room, your posture.

There are anchors that help with that,

like breathing, for example.

If you stay focused on your breath

during meditation,

what could be more here and now

than your own breathing, right?

And look, I'm gonna give you

a quick demo,

a little slice of what meditation

looks like in my daily life, okay?

What you're about to hear

is basically my internal monologue,

like my thoughts spoken out loud, okay?

It starts with a gong,

ends with another gong,

and the posture should be

comfortable but upright, okay?

You can sit on the floor with a cushion

or in a chair

It doesn't have to be too crazy.

It goes something like this.

Well, let's see how the day goes.

Let's start with the breathing. Okay.

Let's go.

Breathe.

Inspire.

Expire.

Inspire.

Inspire.

To inspire is like

like when you have an idea,

it inspires you.

Yeah, that's a good one.

You breathe in, and it inspires you.

And expire Oh sh*t, expire means to die.

You have an idea, then you die.

Okay, I'm losing focus. Come on.

Come on. Concentrate, Dani.

Focus on your breathing.

I have an idea.

I'll follow the airflow as it travels

through my respiratory system.

Let's see.

Air enters through my nostrils.

Then it travels to

What's it called?

Was it the larynx? No, what's it called?

The pharynx, right?

The trachea! Damn, that's it. The trachea.

Damn, people who do tracheotomies,

now they've got ba*ls.

They perform a tracheotomy with a pen.

Damn, that's crazy.

Okay, I lost focus again. Come on.

Let's go.

Here I go.

Okay. I breathe in through my nose.

They say you should breathe in your nose

because there are little hairs in there

that trap all the dust and bacteria.

Damn, dude, I've been sprouting

nose hairs for years now!

I'm like, "What's this?"

I'm also sprouting hairs on my ears.

Dude, sometimes

Sometimes I look in the mirror and say,

"Holy sh*t, I look like a lynx, man."

Okay, come on. Let's go.

I'll focus now. Come on.

Okay.

Inspire.

Man, why do they import

all the avocadoes from New Zealand?

That's how it is.

That's how it is.

Your mind constantly wanders off.

I don't even see it as a battle.

It's more like a dance.

When you realize

that your mind has wandered off,

you just come back and focus again.

There's no such thing as bad meditation.

You should try it, really. It's awesome.

All couples lie to each other.

All of them.

He lies to her.

She lies to him.

He lies to him.

She lies to her.

They lie to them.

Bro to bro.

Ol, ol. Aioli.

All of them. There are no exceptions.

Because in every relationship,

at some point,

maybe during an intimate moment,

when one partner

turns to the other and says,

"Honey,

what are you thinking about?"

And 99.9% of the time,

the answer is

Nothing.

"Nothing."

"Nothing."

"Nothing."

"Nothing."

Go eat a d*ck.

So you're telling me,

someone who's been meditating

for 11 years,

11 years,

hundreds and hundreds

of hours of meditation,

and if someone asked me,

"How much of that time

was your mind actually blank?"

I'd say, "Maybe for two or three seconds

in my life."

And honestly, those seconds were probably

right before I let out a little fart.

When you fart, your mind is like

So now you're telling me,

you stupid lowlife,

that when someone asks you,

your mind is blank?

Yeah, sure. Who are you now,

Siddhrtha Gautama?

Who are you, Krishnamurti?

Who are you, Mahatma Gandhi?

Who are you, Buddha?

Who are you, Shiva?

You're a liar as big as a fire truck.

Say it! Say what you're thinking.

It doesn't mean we don't say it because

we're constantly having bad thoughts.

Like, "What are you thinking, honey?"

"I was thinking about

having an orgy with 50 people

while your mother

was watching and touching" No!

I'm not saying that, but maybe,

"What are you thinking?"

And you say, "Like I'd tell you!"

You're in la-la land. "Like I'd tell you!"

"I was imagining I was four meters tall,

and I was at the beach."

"My legs were clairs,

and I had a giant lollipop with spikes,

and I was battling

a giant evil sponge cake

who wanted to destroy the planet."

"What do you think?"

Say it. Let's see if you can.

And let me tell you,

if you tell that to your partner

and they decide to stay with you,

they're your soulmate.

They're your soulmate.

But let me also tell you,

it's a perfectly legit option

if your partner asks what you're thinking

to say, "Look, honey,

right now I don't think it's appropriate

to share what I'm thinking

because my thoughts are private."

I think the sponge cake story

is less risky.

I encourage you to ask each other randomly

and then tell the truth.

You're really in for it.

I think we're living in a time,

a good social moment,

where there's more focus, more empathy,

more kindness, more value given,

however you want to say it,

when it comes to mental health,

or the lack of it, right?

These days, we already know

about certain illnesses and disorders.

And just giving things a name

makes them real,

and that makes a big difference

in how we care for them.

I don't know if any of you

who are my age or older feel this way,

but, like, 15 or 20 years ago,

everything to do with mental health

got thrown into the same bag,

the stigmatized "crazy people" bag.

All in the same bag, you know?

And it was something

you should try to stay away from.

"This guy cries all day, must be crazy.

This guy is drunk all day."

"This guy is yelling all day,

must be crazy."

And nowadays, these kinds of things

are handled with a lot more empathy.

And I think that's worth celebrating.

Let me also tell you

Let me also tell you,

between someone who's missing

a few screws in the head

and someone who got hit

on the head as a baby,

somewhere in this range

we're all somewhere in here.

100% mentally stable,

that's none of us.

If you don't have a tic,

you have OCD.

Or they have TikTok.

Not sure which is worse.

I mean

But out of all the disorders or illnesses,

I wanted to highlight two that I think are

basically the queens of mental health.

Not because they are the coolest,

but because they seem to be

the most deeply woven into society.

If we haven't experienced them ourselves,

we will, or someone very close to us will.

I'm talking about anxiety.

Big one, right?

And depression.

Okay.

For those of us that have anxiety,

it sucks.

Let's not romanticize it or sugarcoat it.

Anxiety sucks.

I've been dealing with it

for many years now.

Lately, it's been a steady

four or five out of ten.

And then it spikes.

You need to know how to deal with it.

For many years,

I've tried to eradicate it,

eradicate anxiety from my life.

And now I'm on the path of accepting it.

Accepting that I have anxiety,

and when it comes,

I try to manage it as best I can,

understanding it's a dark cloud

that comes unannounced.

But it also leaves unannounced, right?

Let's say you have an anxiety attack

in the afternoon,

but that morning

you were held up at knife point.

Both things suck,

but damn, it's textbook logic.

If P, then Q.

Understanding the cause gives you relief.

"I got mugged this morning. It's normal."

The worst part about anxiety

is when it hits out of nowhere.

You might just be relaxing at home,

everything seems like it's going fine,

and suddenly, the storm cloud rolls in.

You suddenly feel

your heart start to race,

your mouth dries up, you can't breathe,

your body feels uncomfortable.

You go, "I wanna jump out a window."

That really sucks.

I want to send strength

to anyone who has to deal with that.

My personal take is that those of us

who suffer from anxiety

are just slightly out of sync

with life's rhythm.

I mean, it's like

We tend to always think about pre

We have a thousand "pres."

We worry about things

before they happen, you know?

There's this quote from Descartes,

the philosopher,

not at the hardware store

He said, "My life has been full

of terrible misfortunes,

most of which never happened."

We have the ability to come up

with every worst-case scenario,

live them out in our heads,

whether they end up happening or not.

But our body already

ran the marathon, you know?

And depression,

in my view,

is trauma that never healed.

It's a sadness that took root

after some traumatic event,

whatever it may be, a breakup, a loss,

whatever it is, okay?

Something happens,

time goes by,

the trauma doesn't fully heal,

the sadness settles in.

Two years could easily go by,

and you keep living your life,

but your feelings, your thoughts,

everything is still tied

to whatever happened two years ago.

So you don't stop living in the past.

Anxiety is the obsession with the future.

Depression is the obsession with the past.

It's like going through life

by watching it in a rearview mirror

or a telescope, you know?

A friend of mine once said,

"Look, Dani, if you've got one leg

in the past and one in the future,

you're gonna end up

sh1tting on the present."

What a poet.

It really is amazing when you find out

"present" means "gift."

There's another concept that Ay!

It's kind of in a gray area,

but it's all the rage right now,

which is nostalgia.

Is nostalgia good or not?

I think there are two types of nostalgia,

the good kind and the not-so-good kind.

What is the good kind?

Good nostalgia is the kind

that takes you back to old memories,

to things you lived a long time ago.

You enjoy it, but it doesn't necessarily

leave you feeling sad.

Let me give you a fun example, okay?

I was born in 1980, right?

Those of you who are ten years older,

maybe fifteen years younger, give or take,

you might get this.

If I say,

"We are the Littles"

Tails that squiggle to and fro

And we could keep going

with Willy Fog, Captain Tsubasa,

Dungeons & Dragons, Juana Hazuki,

Candy Candy, Sailor Moon

I could take these two rows,

who are total strangers to me,

have a few beers with them,

sing together all night,

and we would return home,

completely hammered.

We'd say, "I had such a great time

remembering things from the past,

but without the slightest feeling

of sadness, you know?"

Bad nostalgia does leave you

with that feeling of sadness.

In fact, the professionals

call it melancholy.

It's like a whole other stage.

There are people who get stuck

in a certain era.

I call them "Kariners,"

people who think

that life was better in the past, right?

And these people can get stuck

in a certain era for whatever reason.

It could be

because of the friends they had,

the place they lived, a partner they had,

or because they were young,

they didn't have problems

or responsibilities,

because nobody was dying I mean, no sh*t.

Every time I talk about this,

I think of a good friend of mine

from my generation that I grew up with.

I think he got stuck in that era.

You talk to him in the year 2000,

and you hear all of his stories,

his background, his jokes, references.

Everything was from back then.

You say, "Damn, you're running

about ten years behind."

Then you see him in 2010. Same thing.

You go, "You're running 20 years behind."

And you see him in 2025,

and he's still talking about stuff

from 35 years ago.

It's as if time grabs you

and drags you forward,

and you want to stay,

but you have to move forward,

like you start to fade away.

Like the photos in Back to the Future.

Look, those of you who are melancholic

or who get nostalgic,

which I am as well, here's another tip.

I think it's nice that, in the present,

when you're living a cool moment,

when you're living a moment of joy,

a bit of happiness,

when you're like, "Dude, this is dope,"

really try to take it in.

Take it in and say, "I'm living

a truly amazing moment right now."

Not just that. "I'm gonna try to remember

this moment for the rest of my life."

And if you're with someone,

say it out loud.

Saying it out loud

helps lock it into your memory,

even if it's just

to fuel future nostalgia.

Picture this. You are here tonight

to see this show.

You came with your partner, a friend,

your dad, a coworker, whoever.

And for whatever reason,

you had a great-a*s time.

Take it in.

If you really think

that this was a joyful moment,

even just this short time

we've shared together, take it in.

Try to internalize it.

And when you leave, say it out loud.

"Man, that was dope."

And that's really cool.

Because maybe 20 years from now,

you're sitting in Plaa de Catalunya

with that same friend,

having a beer, and you go,

"Damn, do you remember

that Rovira show It's Worth it?"

"Damn, you remember?"

And he says, "Damn,

that was like 20 years ago, right?"

"Damn, 20 years ago.

That was great. We laughed so hard."

"We laughed. That guy did a great job."

"He was the best!"

"All right, don't get carried away."

"Yeah, that was a good time.

So sad that he died."

"Sure, it's sad."

Keep that up here.

Thank you very much.

Well, we're heading towards

the end of the show.

And since we were talking about nostalgia,

I'm reminded of

a beautiful lyric by Sabina.

"The cruelest kind of nostalgia

is for something that never happened."

Let me tell you something.

I was never told stories as a kid.

I've felt a lot of nostalgia

for something that never happened.

It's probably because, as an adult,

when it comes to oral communication,

as well as with sex

So as a final little gift

and a touch of sweet nostalgia,

since you're probably overdue for one,

I'll tell you a quick story

that I think really ties into everything

we've been talking about tonight, okay?

Well, what I've been talking about.

This story takes place in a small village,

a very austere town,

a very small and inhospitable town.

And the main character of our story

is an old man,

but that doesn't mean

he had lost his energy,

his strength, or his agility, okay?

This man had the habit,

for as long as he could remember,

of waking up every morning

before the rooster crowed

and the sun peeked over the mountains.

He would wake up,

get out of bed,

put on his sandals,

and he would take two huge clay amphoras

and start walking

a little five-kilometer path

that lead to a crystal-clear spring.

There, he would fill both of them

to the brim

and then walk

the same five kilometers back.

When he got back to the village,

he would use that water for all his needs.

He'd drink it, cook with it,

water the land with it,

wash with it,

and use it for the animals, okay?

For about eight or ten years,

one of the jars

had been starting to break,

starting to crack.

It was pretty beat up.

It had small fractures all over it.

It got to the point

where it started to lose water.

Most days,

by the time he reached the village,

more than half the water

had been lost along the way.

And since inanimate objects

are allowed to come to life in stories,

one night,

before our main character went to bed,

the broken amphora,

and excuse the redundancy,

broke into speech.

It started lamenting to its master,

"Oh, master of mine!"

"I feel awful."

"I know that I'm broken

and no longer serve you like before."

"And I'm filled with shame and sorrow."

"And I really wouldn't mind

if you replaced me with a new jar

because I'm completely useless now!"

Completely unshaken,

but with a gentle tone, the man said,

"I'll never replace you

with a new amphora."

"But I won't tell you why today."

"I will tell you tomorrow,

somewhere along the walk."

And with that, the man went to bed

like he did every night.

The two amphoras were left there,

like, "Okay, then."

And the next day,

like always, before the rooster crowed

and the sun peeked over the mountains,

the man woke up, he put on his sandals

and picked up his two huge amphoras.

He always carried each amphora

with the same arm.

He would always carry the broken amphora

with his right arm.

Always.

Both on the way to the spring

and on the way back.

When they set off

on the five-kilometer trail,

nobody said a word.

You could only hear the sound of birds

and the soft rustling

of leaves in the wind.

When he arrived

at the crystal-clear spring,

he sat down

and started filling the amphoras.

And nobody said a word.

There was only the sound of water

echoing in the cave.

On the way back, no one spoke either,

until well past the halfway point.

The amphora had already lost

a lot of water.

And right then,

our protagonist stopped.

He stopped and turned around

to face the broken amphora, and he said,

"Now do you see

why I haven't replaced you?"

"Look."

"Look at this stretch of the path."

"It's covered in flowers,

thanks to you."

Life is worth living.

It's a no-brainer, it's obvious,

but I tend to think

that obvious things can be so obvious

that we can be oblivious.

But sorrow,

in itself, is worth something too.

Throughout tonight,

between laughs and a few confessions,

I have told you about

some of the grief I've experienced,

some of the losses I've endured

throughout these recent years.

But I've been deliberately

saving one for the end

so I could share with you

the greatest loss of my life,

the hardest grief I've ever been through.

And it's the grief of losing myself.

You might think, "What's that mean?"

"What does that mean, Dani?

How do you lose yourself?"

It's so easy.

It's shockingly easy.

Because I think it begins

before we even realize it.

When we're little kids,

all we really long for

is Mom's love, right?

We want her to love and embrace us.

And there's this kind of deep-rooted fear

of being abandoned.

No one knows why.

So you're constantly doing

everything you can

to make sure your mom loves you.

And a lot of those things

probably didn't reflect

your true self at all.

But you knew what to do and what not to do

to receive affection and avoid punishment.

But a lot of that didn't reflect

your true nature, right?

And what is that if not,

from a very young age,

putting on a kind of

mask?

It also happened with Dad.

How many times, growing up,

did we want our dad to be proud of us?

How many times

did we chase that pat on the back?

How many times did we feel like

one of our siblings was the favorite,

and you would copy what they did

to make Dad as proud of you

as he was of them?

And a lot of those things,

when you did them,

didn't reflect who you truly are.

They weren't part of your true essence.

But you did them because you longed

for your dad's affection and approval.

And what is that, if not

putting on another mask?

Or take relationships as a couple,

for instance.

Romantic relationships.

How many times have we heard

or even said,

"Wow! They bring out

the best version of myself"?

And that could be true at times.

But often, what it really means is,

"Wow! They bring out

the best version of myself

I think my partner will like the most."

Because we often know each other,

and we know about our baggage,

about our bullshit,

about the skeletons in our closets.

And if we show our true selves

to our partner,

we get scared and panic,

thinking they'll take off running.

So I'll be what my partner wants me to be

so they don't abandon me and will love me.

And what is that if not

putting on another mask?

Social media.

It feels like

we've grown up with it, right?

And do we really think

our profile represents 100% of who we are?

Because we constantly do things

to please people we don't even know.

For what? For followers?

For likes?

Are we really the person

our social media depicts?

If that were true, I'd say,

"Damn, I can't believe

there are so many pieces of sh*t

like on Twitter."

"I also don't believe there are people

who have such perfect lives

like on Instagram."

But it's what we do.

Are we really the people

we show the world on social media,

or is it just

another mask?

And in my particular case,

I'm a very well-known person.

I've been very popular

for almost 20 years.

And for those 20 years,

I've always wanted people to like me.

I've wanted to be liked.

And one of my biggest fears

was people thinking I was an as*h*le,

or not liking me,

or thinking I was a jerk.

Or, I don't know, people thinking

the fame had gone to my head.

And to make sure that never happened,

I put myself last.

I constantly walked all over myself,

just to get people to love me.

I've even taken photos in a funeral home.

I don't know the key to success,

but I did discover that the key to failure

is trying to please everyone.

And when you wear so many masks,

there comes a point when life,

for better or for worse,

slaps you so hard

when you turn around a corner

that not only do all your masks fall off,

but so do the numbers on your ID card.

And your very foundations,

your islands, might even collapse.

Do you remember Inside Out, the first one?

The one with the little girl.

When all seems lost and those seemingly

indestructible islands collapse.

Family Island,

Friendship Island, Magic Island,

Goofball Island, Honesty Island

There was a moment

when life slapped me so hard

that all my masks fell off

and all my islands collapsed.

And I looked in the mirror,

and I didn't recognize myself.

And believe me,

that's a f*cking awful feeling.

I could almost say

there was a period where I felt like

I had no ground beneath me.

It's a feeling of abandonment,

it's a feeling of disorientation,

of fear

So much fear.

Fear because you don't think you can go on

because you're afraid to go on,

because you don't want to go on.

I learned that mystics call this

"the dark night of the soul."

I've cried, you know.

Like Man said,

"I cried a river, and I cried an ocean."

But as Vetusta Morla put it,

"We'll only be free

when there's nothing left to lose."

Years ago, I read a poem

by my beloved Mario Benedetti

that said a smile is much more beautiful

when it follows tears.

It's like when the sun comes out

after many days of rain,

and chances are

there's a rainbow on the way.

After this whole process,

I couldn't tell you

if I am a better or worse person.

What I can say is

that I'm much more authentic,

and that's what it's all about.

I've never been more myself

than I am right now.

Actually, it reminds me of the man

who snuck in the elevator. Remember him?

He asked, "Is it you?"

And I laughed about it.

Maybe he saw something in me

and was trying to warn me.

If he were in front of me now, I'd say,

"I'm more myself

than I ever have been, man."

And to all of you,

I want to say that if you're ever

going through a time of sadness,

or if you're going through it now,

remember three things.

First, hang in there.

Hang in there. This will pass.

Second, since you're going through

this period of darkness and pain,

try to learn from it.

Don't let it all be for nothing.

And third, do what is best for you.

Do what feels best for you.

And if you're having a shitty morning,

and that corny phrase on your coffee mug

gives you that extra push

to step outside with energy,

do it, and forget what people think.

But I'll also say this.

When sadness grabs hold of you like that,

it never fully lets go.

It's like gum stuck

to the bottom of your shoe.

And for me, when that sadness shows up,

it always brings

a heavy dose of loneliness.

A lot.

Because out there,

I feel like there's so much more noise

and so much more hostility.

And when that sadness

and loneliness creep in

and I'm home alone,

you know what I do?

I turn to magical thinking.

And maybe I'm sitting on my sofa,

and I look to my right

and I see the blanket.

And you know what I do?

I hold it tight, and I smell it.

And a little magical thought creeps in

that pushes me to look at my front door

and think that everything

that is no longer a part of my life,

everything life took away from me,

everything I loved that is gone,

one day, somehow,

life will return it to me.

And I couldn't care less

about what you think

because it works for me.

Thank you very much, and

and if there's anything left to say,

I'd say that it's always,

and I mean always,

worth it.