01x01 - Pilot

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ [ Dance ]
- [ Cheering ]

[ Boy ]
Yeah! Yeah!

[ Boy #2 ]
Pump it. Pump it again!

Pump it!
[ Chattering ]

[ Cheering,
chattering continue ]

- [ Boy ] Git up, boy!
- [ Boy #2 ] Yeah, baby! Yeah!

[ Girl ] Those moves were so hot.
I know.

They weren't even hard to do either.
Can I kiss you?

You want to do it,
go ahead and do it.

[ Moaning ]

Check it out! He's hard as hell!
[ Cheering ]

- [ Boy ] Pucker up, son.
- [ Cheering continues ]

Everyone's cheering
and flippin' out,

and we started dancing
even harder.

And then I woke up.
Damn. That's badass, Gary.

Yo. How were my moves?

What do you think, Joel?
They were freakin' incredible.

Yes! I knew it.

Yo, does your stepmom know we're
building a lighting rod on your roof?

Nah, man. She don't know
what the hell's goin' on.

She's down the shore
with her friends.

I haven't seen her all week.
You're, like, in charge of the whole house.

I know.
I keep it clean as hell too.

I friggin'
vacuumed the stairs yesterday.

You got to. It's important to
be proud of where you live.

I think we need more metal.
It still ain't big enough yet.

We'll just get Russ to grab some
from the junkyard after school.

Oh, sh*t! I forgot about school.
We're late, man.

Oh, damn, dude.
We gotta book it.

How do we
get down from here?

- Just aim for the bush. You'll be fine.
- All right.

Here goes.
[ Shouts, grunts ]

[ Groaning ]

A branch hit me in the spine.
I'm all right though.

Watch out, dude.
I'm coming!

[ Shouts ]

- [ School bell rings ]
- [ Students shouting ]

k*ll him!
k*ll him!

Oh, damn, dude. Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

What happened?

Rob Aksman 69'd with Jojo
Vanetti's sister at a party.

Now Jojow 's kicking
the crap out of him.

What? No one frickin' messes with
Jojo Vanetti. Get him, Jojo!

[ Rob, weakly ] Get off me.
Take it, bro. Just take it.

Dude, this is awesome.

[ Gasps ]
I'm sorry. Sorry.

- Kind of sad too.
- Yeah.

I can't tell whether
fights are cool or sad.

It's confusing.

Code 19!
I got a g*dd*mn code 19!

[ Electricity crackles ]
[ Gr[ Ns ]

[ Students jeering, laughing ]

That was badass.

♪ [ Hip-hop ]

♪ [ Man rapping, indistinct ]

♪ Damn, dude ♪
♪ [ Ends ]

[ Joel ] Then the guard
came out of nowhere...

- And electrocuted the hell out of him!
- It was crazy.

You could smell his hair cooking.
You should've seen it, Darius.

I can't believe
I missed that sh*t.

I can't believe Jojo
Vanetti's sister was 69'ing.

She's only a freakin' freshman
like us.

These are sexual times,
y'all.

People be getting into
all kind of freaky sh*t now.

Looking on the Internet,
getting on them sex tubes,

everybody's body
is changing.

And your voice
is deep as hell.

Yup. Getting them hairs
up my a*s too.

I've been having sex dreams,
like, every night.

I thought
they were dance dreams.

They are, but the dancing
always leads to porking.

The dancing drives girls wild and
they go into a crazy erotic state.

They can't control themselves.
Mm-hmm.

Uh, hey, Megan.
I'm sitting with you guys today.

Danielle ditched me
to cut with some juniors.

I don't even know what she's
doing hanging out with them.

Oh, my God.
You guys are so bad.

Well, then you
blind as a bat.

It's them big-a*s t*tties she got.
People are calling her "rocket t*ts".

Yeah, 'cause her boobs are like rockets.
[ Scoffs ]

Why are guys so obsessed with breasts?
They're just mounds of fat.

I don't know. I just want 'em.
It's like an animal instinct.

Yeah, like how
women love ba*ls.

Um, women don't love ba*ls.

They all about
that dong, son.

They want the corn,
not the onions.

All I know is we gotta start boning chicks.
People are 69'ing left and right,

and we never even
made out with no one.

I know, man.
We gotta start plowing.

[ Scoffs ] I hate to
break it to you fellas,

but ain't no girls
gonna get with you.

Look at y'all. All nasty
and covered in cuts and sh*t.

I jumped off the roof into a bush.
Almost stabbed my spe.

Yeah, we're making a
lightning rod for the storm.

Russ brown's bringing over some scrap
metal from the junkyard later.

Russ brown? Didn't he
bring a dead fish to school?

No. It was shrimp shells.
He's mentally insane. It's awesome.

See? That's the problem.

Girls don't want no dude
who's riding bikes...

And hanging out with Russ brown and
trying to get struck by lightning.

Who are you, Ben Franklin?

We in High School now.
Y'all need to get y'all sh*t together.

Damn, man.
I thought we were cool.

Who cares about who's cool?
[ Scoffs ]

And don't listen to Darius.

He's never even
hooked up with a girl.

Oh, oh. H-hold on now.
Hold on.

I got a weight problem.

They can stop jumping in bushes.
My sh*t is genetic.

I ain't even drinking no soda no
more, trying to get myself right,

and you gonna
jab me like that.

Look, if we were smart, we
would just form our own club,

where we don't have to drink or smoke
or have sex before we're ready.

It would just be teens going to
movies or doing clean prank calls...

Or writing plays where
we could play the parts.

And we would support each other.
That would be the biggest thing.

Uh... I'd kind of rather
just get girls.

Yeah, me too.

What you looking at me for?
I ain't doing that sh*t.

Yo, man. Can I
tell you something?

I've been thinking about
what Darius said. Me too.

I can't believe black people gotta
moisturize their skin so much.

Tsk. No, man. I'm talking about
how no girls wanna get with us...

'Cause they think
we're the dirty kids.

- We just get too pumped, man.
- We gotta stop acting like kids, man.

We gotta get girls.
Yeah.

[ Tires squealing ] Then we can
start 69'ing like mature adults.

Oh, sh*t, bro.
Yeah, man.

♪ [ Rock on car stereo ]
[ Engine revs ]

Who is that?
My new neighbor, yo.

[ Car door opens, closes ]

[ Glass shatters ]

Oh, no.

Hey, bro!
You smash your bottles,

you're really smashing
your property value, okay?

Oh, hey, Martin.

Hey, amigos. You see
the weather report?

It looks like
a big storm is coming.

I got some foil
for your lightning rod.

Yeah, we're not doing the lightning
rod no more, Martin. It's kid stuff.

Yeah, Martin. All we care about now
is partying and boning chicks.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, boys.

You don't need that stuff.

I tell my daughter
the same thing.

You want to drink?
Drink knowledge.

You want to have sex?

Have sex with a book.

Don't turn to the alcohol and the smoking
and the pornografía. That's no good.

Hey! Where is my bedroom door?
I took it off the hinges.

Oh, my God!
Why are you being such an as*h*le?

Christina, I know
what you're doing in there.

I found these in your closet.

It's like estudio 54 in there.

Estudio 54?
What does that even mean?

What does that even mean?
That was the hottest club.

Man, they only let in the
toughest and the best, like me.

Oh! You sound like
an idiot!

What would your mother say?
She's watching you from heaven, you know.

She's probably up there
getting banged by an angel!

[ Martin ] Eh! Eh!
You don't talk about your mother that way.

Learn how to speak english.
It's freaking embarrassing.

Come on, Rachel.
Let's go.

Bye, Mr. Rivera.

Good-bye, Rachel.
Ay de mi...

[ Tires squealing ]

[ Sighs ]

Now listen.
You stay out of trouble.

Don't end up like Christina, getting wasted
all the time and having sex, going nowhere.

Let this be
a lesson to you.

Yeah, Martin.
Definitely.

♪ [ Hip-hop on car stereo ]
We wanna party with you guys.

You wanna come over
to my house tonight?

Why would we
want to hang out with you?

'Cause you can drink and smoke all you
want at my house. I ain't got no rules.

Yeah, it's like chaos there.
What about your parents?

My dad ran away, and my stepmom's
out of town, like, every weekend.

My parents are old as dirt.
They don't give a crap about anything.

Sounds sad.

It's awesome. I can do
whatever the hell I want.

I held my breath for, like,
a minute and passed out.

- No one even came and got me.
- That's crazy.

You got alcohol?

Drinking's one of my stepmom's
favorite things in the world.

She's got booze and cigarettes,
all that stuff.

Yo, is this a 5.0?
Chill out, man.

That's a friggin'
v-8, dude.

Yo, growl it!
Growl the engine!

Yeah, hit the pedal.
Growl it!

Dude. Dude.
Kick it into neutral and growl it up.

Yo, you're too pumped.
Calm it down.

I can't help it.
I feel like I got electricity in my veins.

What is he talking about?

Oh, no. He's just pump up.
So you guys wanna come over later?

Fine. But if you guys are weird,
we're not gonna stay.

We're just gonna drink and get wasted.
It's gonna be awesome.

♪ [ Continues ]

So, we supposed to
leave now or what?

I'm just
gonna stand here.

Dude, that was easy.
We got two chicks lined up already.

I know, man.
Juniors too.

Yo, I took down the posters of
the babes and the machine g*n,

but I think we should
leave a scorpion one up.

I mean, look at his freakin' stinger.
It's strong as hell.

No way, man. We gotta
make it look cool in here.

It does look cool.
Girls love nature.

Yeah, and they hate scorpions.
They're scared of 'em.

Yeah, and if they get scared,
we'll hold 'em close.

It'll be romantic as all hell.

Yo, that might be hot.
We could make the whole room scary!

We'll put knives everywhere
and, like, blood on the walls.

They're gonna freakin' think
they're gonna get m*rder*d.

But we'll just be like,
"no, you're not.

It's cool, 'cause we're here.
Let's pork."

That's a good idea, man.

Yeah, I'm trying to be
more mentally strong.

Oh, here.
I did your laundry.

I got all the bloodstains out
and everything.

Damn, dude.
You're mad good at laundry.

I take care of
the whole house myself.

Yo, man. Your underwear
disintegrated.

Oh, damn.
They're old as hell.

They're hand-me-downs
from my brother Brian.

Your brother Brian's,
like, 40 years old.

I know. My underwear
are older than I am.

That's disgusting, dude.
I know it's disgusting!

You think I like walking around
in someone else's underwear?

Calm down, man.
We'll get new ones.

With what? I ain't got no money.
I'm poor as dirt.

My stepmom gave me 10 bucks for food
while she's gone, so we'll use that.

Better not be freakin'
lying to me right now.

You really gonna buy me new underwear?
Yeah, man. You deserve it.

I never thought I'd be able to get my
own underwear, not even in my dreams.

Oh!
[ Huffs ]

♪ Gonna get new drawers ♪

♪ gonna get
some new freakin' drawers ♪

♪ drawers, drawers ♪
♪ gonna get new drawers ♪

♪ drawers, drawers ♪
♪ gonna
get new freakin' drawers ♪

[ Muttering, sniffing ]

Hey, what's up, pussies?

What do you want, Russ?
Look what I got from the junkyard, man.

That place is sweet. There was rats
fighting over a piece of poop, man.

I was like, "look at that rat, man.
He's gonna steal poop from the other rat."

And the rats, man, they didn't even care.
They were best friends.

You guys are
smoking cigarettes?

We're hanging with girls tonight who
love to smoke. We gotta practice.

Man, what about
the lightning rod?

We're not doing that no more.
That's freakin' kid stuff.

Hey, man.
I'll smoke with you guys.

I'll smoke a million cigarettes.
I don't even care.

Yeah... we can't hang out
with you no more, Russ.

[ Sniffing ]

Yo, don't start
sniffing your cast, Russ.

Are you smelling it?
Ugh. It's gross.

[ Muttering ]

- Come on, Russ. Go!
- Oh, Russ, man.

Get lost, Russ! We don't freakin'
like you no more! Get outta here!

Freakin' butt-licks!
[ Crying ]

Damn, dude.
That was mad emotional.

[ Coughing ]
Yeah.

I feel like
my throat's on fire.

Let's just
get you some drawers.

[ Joel ] Eh.
I don't know about these underwear.

You can barely see my bird, man.
They're too drapey.

No, that's the style.
It's a modern style.

I mean, look how big his bulge is.
Mine don't look like that.

Man, those dudes
all stuff.

Joel?
Megan? Ah, crap!

[ Grunting ]
Freakin' door's locked!

[ Grunting ]
Never mind. I got it.

What are you doing here? My mom and I are
picking up some stuff for movie night.

[ Chuckles ] Why would you
hang out with your mom?

Um, because she's my best friend.
[ Chuckles ]

And I don't
need to throw a big party...

And destroy myself like you
to have a good time.

We ain't throwing no party.
[ Phone rings, buzzes ]

We're just having a couple of girls over.
Not anymore.

The whole school's
gonna be there.

I heard Jojo Vanetti's
even coming.

Jojo Vanetti's coming?

Dude, it's only supposed to be
us and two chicks.

There's gonna be fights.
Your house is gonna get trashed.

We could wind up in juvie!

Calm down. We're not
going to juvie, dude.

Sounds like you guys
need better options.

Uh... options is the
name of the club...

I was talking about
forming earlier.

It stands for
"other paths to inspire"...

Honey. I don't think these cutlets you
picked out are gonna fit in your bra.

Mom! Ugh! Shut up!

Oh, are these your friends?

Do you want to watch a movie
with them instead or...

No. They're too busy
throwing a party.

Oh. Maybe you should go!

It might be fun.

That's a great idea, mom.

Why don't I just go to a
crack house and get r*ped?

Mother of the year,
everyone!

Good luck at your party, guys.

You will need it.

Oh! Mom,
why are you so big?

[ Panting ]

[ Horn honks ] Freakin' juvie.
Freakin' Jojo.

Joel!
Freakin' gonna get m*rder*d.

Yo, wait up, man!

[ Panting ]

[ Grunting ]

This freakin' bike
don't skid right!

- What is wrong with you?
- You wanna know what's wrong with me?

You want me to freakin'
open up right now?

Yeah, open up, man
I want you to get open.

I can't take it, okay?
Cigarettes and new underwear,

and now we're hanging out
with Jojo Vanetti?

I just wanna go back
to the way things were.

I wanna catch snakes
and ride bikes...

And play ninjas forever!

Do you wanna be a stupid, dirty
kid for the rest of your life?

I ain't no dirty kid!
You call me that again,

I'll dropkick you
right in the chest.

You can't even do a dropkick.
You don't have enough power!

It's not about power.
It's about air!

[ Shouts ]

[ Both grunting ]

[ Australian accent ] Oi.
What the hell's going on out here?

The only one who fights
in this yard is me.

You fellas fancy a kebab?

So let me get this straight.

We got two best mates... who got nothing
else in the world except each other...

Ready to tear themselves limb
from limb over trying to be cool.

We're mixed up, man.
We want to get chicks.

Yeah, but w-we like lightning and
dance routines and stuff too.

Ah. Torn between
two worlds, are we?

You know, this reminds
me of a time when I

was doing research on
kangas in the outback.

Now kangaroos are very
suspicious creatures...

Not unlike human beings
in that way.

I was having trouble
penetrating their society.

So I went undercover
as one of them.

They were wary at first,

but eventually they took me
in as one of their own.

I ate with 'em.
I ran with 'em.

I even found love
in one of their arms.

A love I've not felt before
and haven't felt since.

It was beyond
my wildest dreams.

And yet,
I couldn't enjoy it,

because I'd lost track of who
I really was in the process.

That's when I knew
I had to leave.

[ Gary ]
Damn.

You had sex with a kangaroo?
What?

You just freakin' said
you made love to a kangaroo.

No, that's not... uh...

Even if I did it,

it was in
the name of bloody science.

Look, the point is, don't try
and be someone you're not.

A man's skin's
the only outfit he has.

He might as well
be comfortable in it.

That's mad deep, sid.
Yeah, thanks, yo.

Good luck, mates.

[ Yelps, gagging ]

Bit off
a bit of skewer there.

Are you all right?
I told you to buy metal skewers!

You're the one who always
yells at me to save money.

You don't skimp on skewers!

Oh, go cry to your animals.
You leave her out of this!

All right.
We're gonna go.

I miss ya, lass.

♪ [ Hip-hop on stereo ]

[ Chattering, laughing ]

Hey, what's up, Jojo?
Holla at your boy.

Uh... all right now.

Damn, man.
This party's bumping, fellas.

Just be yourself, man.
That's the key to everything.

Thanks for inviting me
to your party, Joel and Gary,

even though I called you butt-licks
earlier, and that was a rude thing.

Don't worry
about it, Russ.

Yeah, we accept you
for who you are.

Really?
Yeah, man.

Freak, yeah! Look at
all these cigarettes I brought!

Yo, let's find a rat and make it
smoke in the party. Let's party!

Let's party!

Triflin'-a*s buster.

Man, where the sodas in this b*tch?
I thought you gave up soda.

It's the weekend.
Can I do me?

Yo, that tattoo is cool. I'm gonna get one
that says "milk" but, like, on my breast.

All right.
Let's go crazy. Yeah.

Word up, everybody.
This party's the b*mb.

Dad, what the hell
are you doing here?

I'm being cool
like you.

Lose your mind, everybody.
New millennium, come on!

Stop it. You're
freaking embarrassing me.

Oh, you're embarrassed of me?

Or of the reflection
you see of yourself? Huh?

You think you can just party
like you're Britney spay-ers?

♪ Baby, one more time ♪

Well, one time is going to be
your last time.

♪ [ Vocalizing ]

[ Yelps, grunts ]

[ Shouts ]

My shirt! Are you serious?
Oh, my God.

You are the worst dad
in the world!

Ay, ay.

You guys, I got cereal here,
if anyone's hungry.

Megan? What are you doing here?

I thought you were having
movie night with your mom.

I was worried about you guys, and I
wanted to be here to help if it got...

Did you stuff your bra?
Well, I...

Yeah. Do they look good?
Yeah, they look awesome.

Like, I can't believe this.
My shirt is totally ruined.

Yo, that's gonna
rub the stain back in!

We gotta get some vinegar
on those. Trust me. Come on.

♪ [ Continues ]

[ Darius ] Yeah. Go ahead now.
Go ahead now.

Move too.
Just grind on.

♪ Gonna get on you, girl
gonna tap that a*s tonight ♪

♪ 'cause my ba*ls is large ♪

Hey. How you doing?

Hear me, man? Monsters.
I'm talking 'bout monsters.

Yo, you think
monsters exist?

[ Indistinct ]
[ Sniffing ]

[ Rachel ] Hey.
Thanks for cleaning our shirts.

Yeah. No problem.
I do all my own laundry.

Do you, like, live here alone?
Pretty much, yeah.

Wow. You're like an adult.

I slept on the roof
last week.

What?
I wish I had no parents.

Yeah, my dad sucks.

So... you girls
like to dance?

♪ Always moving,
you got the power ♪

Oh. Uh, sorry, I didn't
know anyone was in here.

I was getting all pumped up and
wanted to look at the scorpion.

[ Sighs ] It's like all
guys care about are boobs.

I don't care about your boobs.
They're just mounds of fat.

Uh, thanks.
You're sweet.

This room's weird.

It's a hell room.
Don't worry, I'll protect you.

Are you strong?

No. I got
hairs on my pits though.

I friggin' sweated right through
my shirt the other day.

I looked like a yard man.

Cool.

I don't get it.
[ Slurring ] What's not to get?

It's an exclusive club
where kids can be themselves...

Without feeling peer pressure
to drink or have sex.

If you join options, everyone will
follow you, Jojo. You're the key.

[ Gas hissing ]

Whoa.

[ Deep voice ]
Everything's repeating.

Everything you're saying
is repeating.

[ Grunting ]

♪ [ Dance music on stereo ]

Usually, guys are shy
about dancing.

Not me. I love it.
It's how I express myself.

I never met
anyone like you.

That's because
every person is unique.

To me, that's
the beauty of life.

Oh, my God.
He's got a giant b*ner!

What? Gross!

Check it out!
He's hard as hell!

Aw, sh*t.

I can't control it
when I dance!

- Gary!
- What?

I'm gonna puke.

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Sighs ]
I try to teach her a lesson.

The truth is, I'm hard on her
because that used to be me.

You know, with the drinking and
the pills and the fast lifestyle.

You know, I was selling
radios at radioshack

and doing cocaína in the back.

I was the top salesman.

And then I got busted.
Oh. It was bad news.

You wanna smoke cigarettes
with me?

Yes.

[ Thunderclap ]

I'm gonna lose my virginity
to Jojo Vanetti.

Why don't you just lay down
for a minute, okay?

Don't just push on 'em...

Joel! [ Megan gasps ] Danielle!

Is he raping you?
Megan?

What are you doing here?

I thought you were hanging
out with your mom.

Damn, dude.
You hooked up with rocket t*ts.

Yeah, man. She don't like
to be called that though.

I'm gonna throw up
in your face.

[ Sighs ] Come on.
Let's find a bathroom.

Oh, dude. I was just dancing with
juniors and I got rock hard.

It was like my dream,
but not as cool.

I just wish
I could control it.

You can't control it, man.
It's a part of life.

[ Thunderclap ]
[ Screaming ]

[ Russ ] Oh, crap!
Freakin' help! Somebody help!

[ Boy ]
Somebody call an ambulance.

What happened, man?

We were on the roof, messing
with the lighting rod.

He got struck, man.
He got toasted.

I told y'all.
Don't be messing with that sh*t.

Oh. Please,
somebody help him!

I can't get my cast wet.

[ Grunts ]

[ Gary ] Oh, sh*t.
[ Joel ] Whoa.

[ Coughing ]

Ay.
Easy, fella.

What the hell
is wrong with you?

This is what happens
when you take the drogas.

You're all right.
Who the hell are you?

Just a neighbor
who cares.

And he's a good man.

He's the one with the telescope
who looks in my window.

What? N-no.
I'm a bit of a stargazer is all.

Keen on all that, you know,
asteroids and the lot.

[ Christina ]
Have you been smoking?

Yo, thanks, sid.
That was badass.

Looks like you had yourselves
a right sh*t-kicker.

I can't get my cast wet.
It'll disintegrate.

You blokes mind
if I go for a swim?

Yeah, man. Go ahead.
Cheers, mate.

[ Shouts ]

And that's what I realized: Boobs aren't
just mounds of fat. They're awesome.

Hey, dude.
Can I tell you something?

Yeah, man. You can tell me
anything in the whole wide world.

I'm friggin' proud of us.

That may have been
the best party in all history.

I'm proud of us too, man.

House got
pretty trashed though.

Yeah.
It's better up here.

Oh, here I go.

Thanks, man.
Sure, buddy.