01x10 - The Adoption

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

yeah and so mule tastes like glue why do

you say me

oh hi Harriet morning Vicki oh hi

Harriet hey is that for me no it's a

birthday present for my mother can I

hide it in your house I can't hide it in

mine

why not my mother I'll find it she's

nosy her than I am she's got a bigger

nose if your nose where's because your

mother's you'd be top-heavy and fall on

your face that outfit key how about it

Amy if you had this for me I'll do you a

favor sometime promise if I'm lyin I'm

dyin okay

I'll hide the present in that cupboard

over there my mother sure hard to buy

presents for she has terrible teeth and

a weird body

what do you fight your mother for your

mother's birthday Vicki I don't have a

mother

oh don't worry buy your father for his

birth you were wrong Harriet your nose

is bigger than your mother's hi Jamie hi

Vicki hi mrs. Brenda Harriet what are

you doing in here you're going to be

late for school I was just going mother

I am I thought you might invite me to

breakfast Oh Harriet how rude Here I am

trying to bring you up with good manners

you keep taking after your father

oh I didn't know we had company hi

Bonnie

Oh Joe all right now Harriet run along

to school oh you too Jamie well you can

take care of it come on hop to it okay

can I carry your books Harriet thank you

I'll carry them in front of my face so

nobody will recognize me

he's always making jokes he really

adores Harriet oh I wonder why was there

something that you wanted Vani oh no no

no no no I just happened to be looking

out my window and I happened to see

Harriet them in here Harriet said her

mother's as nosy as she is and she has a

bigger nose period said there if I'm

lyin I'm dyin here it was always a

lovely child until she started to talk

isn't Jeff Vicki going to school today

I know what well Vicki why aren't you're

going to school that's not in my memory

bank what's that supposed to mean well

you know kids nowadays with their

computer talk oh hi Bonnie

good morning dad I was just about to

explain to Bonnie that we're taking care

of the keys education at home

temporarily yes that's right

well not that it's any of my business

but I don't think it's right

oh I agree he agrees all right no I

agree it's none of your business no joke

Bonnie

well you know I assert they don't mean

to pry

I just have this natural curiosity you

know mr. brindle he swears that I was a

cat and a former life

oh well night or should I say Maui now

what are we gonna do about Vicky people

keep on asking questions and we're

running out of answers they're getting

suspicious yeah you're right honey if

anybody finds out she's a robot before

she's perfected well there goes my

invention well let's face it Ted

she needs some more programming she's a

woman without a past I'm a women with

batted past I'll come home from work a

little early and take care of that oh

good what do I do in the meantime about

mrs. brindle the curious cat lady put a

saucer of milk by the door

okay Vicki turn around let's give this a

try

where were you born I was born on the

island of maje in the capital city of

Victoria that's why I'm called Vicki ma

hey where's that ma hey is an island

1,000 miles east of Africa why ever born

is such a remote place

honey the remoter the place to better no

record of birth or anything oh good

thinking but what about her parents an

unfortunate accident took care of them

nicely oh oh I had another terrible

thought and I know what I think he is

with us for a long time

well Jamie's gonna start to grow and

Vicki's gonna remain the same size no

she won't

watch she doesn't even have to be

plugged in got her wired for a remote I

can make her smaller too

maker normal please mrs. Lawson yes I

mrs. fern Waldheim from the Department

of Children's Services I'm responding to

an anonymous report of a child named

Vicki who's living here and not

attending school oh won't you come in

please

Thank You mrs. Furr Mulder

this is my husband Ted how do you do and

that this is Vicki hmm

won't you please sit down oh thank you

and what is Vicki's full name go ahead

tell her Vicki my full name is Victoria

and Smith but I'm better known as Vicki

and when is your birthday Vicki I was

born the night of September 1975 I'm a

Virgo with Taurus rising

right little thing isn't she oh you'd be

amazed I read about her parents oh it's

a tragic story an accident it's still so

vivid it seems like it happened minutes

ago may I ask what sort of accident a

train a plane well you see the the plane

fell on the Train it's really very sad

she's certainly a controlled child she's

just all cried out this is very

traumatic for her mrs. fern well perhaps

we could discuss this privately oh yes

of course poor dear poor dear cabinet I

mean Cabernet that's France a four small

room you see her parents were our best

friends and when Vickie was born Pat and

Jim wrote us a letter asking us to take

care of Vicky should anything happen to

them it's almost as if they had a

premonition

anyway Vicky was sent to live in a

convent so when we got the letter from

the nuns telling us about the accident

well we just opened our home and our

hearts too little Vicky she was so lucky

to have you of course I had no idea when

I received that anonymous phone call of

course not how could you know you were

just doing your job

and thank you so much for dropping by

for Vicky's future plans we're planning

to take care of her like her parents

asked us to in their letter then you'll

be adopting her

of course we'll be adopting her oh

that's wonderful

Oh as a matter of fact why I think I

might have an adoption application

packet with me uh we're in luck I do

have one all you have to do is fill

these out and supply the necessary

documents oh and of course I'll need

those letters letters the ones from

Vicky's parents and the good nuns

oh they're crucial to the adoption oh of

course while we have them they're in our

safety deposit box right honey all right

in the day hi mom hi dad hi Jamie honey

this is mrs. fern Wald

this is our son Jamie hello mrs. Byrne

all right hello Jamie

why would I handsome young man perfect

family oh it's wonderful Jamie you're

gonna have a little sister a sister are

you pregnant

Jamie as she's talking about Vicki yeah

mrs. Grunwald is gonna help us adopt her

you're kidding he's overwhelmed

there's nothing more rewarding than

seeing a child adopted into a loving

home well I'll be going I'll be back

tomorrow to pick up those letters it was

very nice meeting you all

[Applause]

I think we just adopted a robot crazy

are you gonna do this dad I mean where

are we gonna get all these documents

that we need for Vickie's honey there

are places that can copy any document

and make it look like the real thing

that's ill*gal now it's just for people

not for robots I hope so

we'll be making license plates that look

like the real thing

I am finished

perfect hi everyone Oh your father

program Vicky to write those letters

that we need from her make-believe

parents and the nuns in different

handwriting of course man she could be

the world's greatest forger

how about whooping me up a few $20 bills

Vicky

now by me whipping up the seat of your

pants Jamie we need I'll get it um mrs.

firm wall no come in well I hope you

don't mind my coming in your back door

but your nice neighbor mrs. brindle told

me you were in the kitchen she also tell

you what we had for lunch tomato soup

and cucumber sandwiches we have all the

papers ready mrs. fern wall the letters

from Vickie's parents and from the

wonderful nuns Oh excellent why you've

certainly been forging ahead that's the

correct word fortune well I'll get these

documents filed and you're on your way

oh I almost forgot

to save you the trouble I made an

appointment for Vicky's physical Ricky's

physical Oh we have to have it dr.

Elliott works on a lot of our cases

would tomorrow at 3 e be convenient 3

dr. Elliot's quite famous in the medical

profession he makes house calls I must

have been nuts to think we could adopt a

robot cheer up dad

maybe dr. Elliott well notice Vic he's a

robot won't notice when he looks down

her throat and sees microchips where her

tonsils ought to be

maybe we ought to forget the whole thing

and dismantle Vicky dismantle Vicky

Oh No Vicky oh no idea why don't we

dismantle Harriet and spin Oh Ted will

you hurry up dr. Ellen it's gonna be

here any minute I'm coming okay we're

all set

Jamie get in here

[Applause]

Oh Jamie you look so cute that doesn't

wait a minute wait a minute

you said you'd do anything to save Vikki

okay but how about easing my

embarrassment with a raise in my

allowance I just gave you a raise ten

minutes ago

yeah I know but that was before I looked

at myself in the mirror here we go go to

your cabinet right not you Vicki

move okay this is Lawson yes dr. Elliott

indeed oh good come on in thank you

thank you so much for coming to the

house no problem it was on the way to

the golf course hi I'm Ted Lawson and

this and this is little Vicki what a

pretty little girl

open wide sweetheart

oh I can see you've got a real

heartbreaker here she's something

special all right

don't try to talk honey just keep that

thermometer under your tongue now we're

gonna listen to that little heart of

yours princess ooh what a healthy little

girl oh look at those broad shoulders

normal good good good eyelashes like

those you could grow up to be a Miss

America she's something of a tomboy oh

I'm sorry oh that's my office can I call

him

Oh certainly and the phone is right over

there on the desk thank you Dad

Vicky shoes are k*lling me hang in there

Miss America just because she doesn't

wear a training bra I'll be right there

I'm sorry but I have to be going

emergency doctor yes if I'm not at that

golf course in 10 minutes they'll tee

off without me

I think little cutie pie here is in fine

shape so long sweetheart girls clothes

oh don't get too upset

it's II mean Dustin Hoffman almost won

an Academy Award for doing it

we gdg you know this is my 63rd adoption

ceremony well we couldn't have gotten

this far without you mrs. fernell oh

well mind you the court hearing isn't

for several months but that's just a

formality for all practical purposes you

can now consider Vicky your daughter oh

great just what we needed miss kitty

litter of 1985

oh this is so exciting yeah come in whoa

well I just happened to look in the

window and saw that balloons enough

flowers and then Harriet told me that

she had hid my present in here it is so

neighborly of you to give me this

surprise birthday party

Bonnie this party isn't for you this

party is for Vicki oh it's her birthday

- I wasn't even invited nope it's not

her birthday and you're still not

invited no Bonnie

you see we've uh legally adopted Vicki

oh well with the help mrs. firm waldare

adopted her oh this is wonderful

yes and could we get on with the

ceremony oh I'm sorry

yes of course may we stay wouldn't be

the same without you

dear ones this placement ceremony shows

that the state is satisfied and so am I

that the Lawson family will give Vicki

and Smith everything that she needs to

grow physically mentally and spiritually

it's so touching and it could never have

happened without my anonymous phone call

well I thought it was my civic duty what

with all what's going on with children

these days well she's got a point Ted

yeah I guess so well all's well that

ends well indeed and congratulations

distemper shots Vicky dear how do you

feel about all this now I won't have to

be dismantled why don't we just mantle

Harriet instead

[Laughter]

[Applause]

she's my small wonder lovely and bright

and soft girls she's a small

a childlike again

she's a miracle and I grant you chili

tank you recite she's the smart one

[Music]