01x24 - The Grandparents

[bunniefuu]

honey that was great what was it the new

light book you wanted from the supply

closet

well thanks Vickie shake it to see if

it's good we have a better way test the

light bulb Vicki it's a three-way bulb

[Laughter]

now she has a built in micro generator

with a 440 volt capacity that makes

sense

we only got to get to work on him by Oh

Ricky put that bulb in the living room

lamp grandpa a girl home and since you

last saw me no I mean taller not whiter

no I don't really have a girlfriend yet

there's a girl I kinda like she's 13

I prefer older more experienced women

hi dad oh we're just fine your mom okay

okay

Oh will will you be here Oh wonderful

yeah we'll pick up an airport okay won't

we'll see you saturday then love to mom

okay bye bye they're coming to visit us

Jamie great that was a short day at the

office the one day I've got an important

meeting my car battery is dead dad

grandpa just called they're coming to

visit us Saturday they are that's great

except for one thing

how are we gonna tell my dad about Vicki

hmm how are we gonna tell him that we

have a beautiful little robot

wani figured out for himself when she

says hello and carries him to his room

Jamie the point is is that your

grandfather may not be too thrilled

about having a robot in the family after

working for the same company for 40

years he was fired and replaced by a

robot oh and he's still bitter about it

he doesn't even like the fact that I

work for a robotics company the fact is

he really hates robots nothing gets past

those pink little micro sensor ears of

hers listen why are we worrying huh I

mean once he meets Vickie he'll he'll

love her like we do and then we'll tell

him the truth

all right anyway I gotta get to work

come on Vickie help me get my car

started oh no honey I'm gonna

have her carry a piggyback that's a joke

come on Vickie what are you gonna do Ted

well these are attached to my car

battery now Vicki hold these when I give

you the word you give it your full power

okay he's gonna jumpstart dad's car my

full power

hope I never get hot flashes like that

[Music]

hey everybody we're back in the airport

[Laughter]

I'm sorry as long as they opened up the

subject did you how could we forget our

favorite grandson yeah especially when

you're our only grandson

there you go I always wanted one of

those what is it he's an African

medicine man mask it keeps away evil

spirits no but imagine would keep away

his wife too oh it's so good to see you

when you all look wonderful oh thanks

mom

mom dad have a seat we've got a little

surprise for you Oh what

well it's concerning an addition to the

family but you don't show a bit you're

as flat as a pancake

no we've adopted a little girl that's

right well that's just as good I always

wanted a granddaughter

[Applause]

[Laughter]

Charm Turkey hi Annie

this is Harriet Oh what adorable little

girls she built a real cutie is this our

new granddaughter no what we mean is is

that Harry is our neighbor's adorable

daughter what do you want Harriet well

my mother happened to be looking at our

window and she happened to see these

people come into your house so she

wondered who they were

they look pretty important through her

binoculars oh is your mother a member of

the neighborhood watch no she just

watches the neighborhood Harriet tell

your mother these are my parents they're

gonna be here for a few days and their

blood type is O do you think that'll

satisfy our new granddaughter where is

she coming right up mom

Vicki come in here please you're gonna

love her Vicki that's a pretty little

name oh look isn't she precious oh she

sure is a cute little thing pretty as a

picture takes after a grandma Vicki I

want you to meet Grandma and Grandpa

Lawson nice to meet you Grandma and

Grandpa sure are a cute little thing

I'm sure cute little thing she certainly

has an unusual voice doesn't she bill

well that that's because of her her

tonsils

she's got three of them

biggis will not new tonsils that's

amazing

yeah I have a little trouble believing

in myself well why don't you pack and

freshen up mom and dad and then we can

have a nice chat I have a better idea

mother why don't you unpack and I'll

stay here and have some fun with my new

granddaughter sound good you little

darlin sounds good you little darlin

[Applause]

[Music]

deep in the African jungle searching for

King Solomon's diamond mines but you say

when I travel I carry a small trunk

that's a joke honey I'm glad you told me

[Laughter]

that's as close as I can get to a real

elephant a real elephant

what you do tonsils I am the guardian of

the diamond mines Oh looks like we got

trouble wanna big trouble I'm a medicine

man not just an ugly native how's it

going g*ng having fun ready for some

dinner dad yeah this elephant is really

pooped off you go honey

oh I hope you didn't overdo oh just

trying to keep up with the children huh

sure that Vicky's a real dynamo she

never runs down yeah she's got enough

energy in her to start a car sure gotta

catch my breath

guess I got carried away carried away

Vicky put grandpa down

goodness how can our little girl be so

strong well mom I I guess it's because

she's not a real little girl what's that

supposed to mean dad the truth is Vicky

stands for VI CI voice input child

identic n't Vicki is a experimental

robot that I invented a robot yeah here

look well isn't she wonderful I'm so

proud of Ted he's made a major

scientific breakthrough do you mean that

that she is really a robot well we don't

think of her as a machine she's become a

member of the family

yeah and she's better than a real sister

she doesn't waste all her time in the

bathroom so uh what do you think dad I

think you did a great job you do a

playing me for a sucker

what you doped me and I fell for it here

I thought I had a real granddaughter no

matter how you dress her up she's

nothing but a worthless bucket of bolts

I don't like it Oh bill don't old bill

me I feel cheated

dad just think of all the good that I

robot like Vicki can do for people you

know I know what robots can do for

people they can take their jobs

mother I'm packing we're leaving Oh dad

dad listen next you'll invent a robot

grandfather and I'll be totally useless

Oh son I'm sorry but I don't agree with

him at all I think you're adorable Viki

grandpa doesn't like me I'm just a

worthless bucket of books mom dad look

rest with me Viki cry Jamie robots don't

cry

he's right Ted there's a tear on her

cheek Joanie honey

Vicki doesn't have feelings and emotions

well if that isn't a tear what is it

well there's an expert in robotics I can

tell you this I don't know what it is oh

[Music]

hello young lady

I'm packing up and leaving boy that was

fast usually takes a couple of days

before I get on peoples nerves oh it's

not because of you Harriet cause of that

phony baloney granddaughter of mine

don't blame her I'll go tell camp he's

charming as I am well tell you the truth

I wish you were my granddaughter oh I'd

like that my grandfather never plays

with me no no he's dead there's nothing

personal about maybe you could be my

substitute grandfather I'd be honored be

nice to have a granddaughter there's

real flesh and blood you wouldn't know

anything about that flesh and blood

it's in my memory bank what do you mean

your memory bank oh that's a technical

expression Harriet you see we all have

memory banks except your bank is

overdrawn if you want to bring that

walking scrap heap in here get her out

of my sight grandpa Vicky's not really

that bad once he gets Noah

you'll really warm up to our transistor

I'd rather have a hot water bottle

what's the matter I'm not feeling so

good what is it better go get your

grandma it's gonna be okay grab the W

here in a minute just lie still

I will Dom and Jimmy what's wrong what

is it my chest a terrible pain

I'll get your pills what pills well you

didn't want to worry you we didn't have

a bit of a heart problem oh no Johnny

call the paramedics I'll get some extra

blankets dad it's gonna be okay

don't be right back grandpa just want my

hand Vicky I don't think he's breathing

stand away from the patient please

his heart is fibrillating

what where'd you get that from Trapper

John

the proper procedure has been tricky

Lurky fibrillation what's that electric

shock whoo

don't just stand better do it do it

clear I owe it all to gonzo how's he

doing

you won't believe what that so did I

mean Vicki what'd she do she'd be fed

Sibert she jump-started grandpa thanks

I'll hold Oh Jamie you shouldn't let a

little girl carry those heavy cases

grandma she's not a little girl she

could carry the whole house if you

wanted to I keep forgetting oh you are

so adorable I'm an adorable scrap heap

oh you are okay thanks well you're all

set mom the flight home is leaving on

time thank you dear

Oh she'll feel better if you stay with

us for a few more days Oh after being

cooped up in that hospital for a whole

week Phil wants to go home oh he's such

a stubborn old fool

hey everybody here's the patient huh

does he look terrific oh my god never

felt better I feel like a new man and I

still feel like the same woman

[Laughter]

I'll bet you sure tried to get out of

that hospital leg grandpa

oh boy you can say that again I don't

know which was worse all those tubes

they stuck in me or the jello yeah Vicki

I take the suitcases to the car please

now I don't need that erector set to

help me burn old fool Danny give her a

hand you may not want Vicky's help now

you old goat but you certainly need it

in a week ago what do you mean dad we

didn't want to tell you before because

of your condition but Vicky saved your

life what are y'all talking about it was

the paramedic save my life no it was

Vicky she gave you a heart and

electrical jolt before they even got

here if it hadn't been for Vicky instead

of being an old goat

you'd be a dead duck is that the truth

mother you bet it is I'll set that okay

let's get going everybody come on wait a

minute son just hold your horses uh I

want to have a word with Vicky with

Vicky in private so uh would y'all get

out go on scoot oh yeah you got it dad

come over here come here sit next to me

Wow

I hear you saved my life you got it dad

you see I had a very good reason for not

liking you

you really hate robots I used to but I

confess I begin to fall in love with a

irresistible little robot named Vicky so

well I just want to say thanks for for

saving my life honey

I jumped started you did now will you

give you a grandpa bill a big hug she's

giving him a big hug oh he just saved

his life hope she doesn't squeeze it out

of them you can all stop peeking to come

in now Oh bill I'm glad you made up with

her so am i I gotta admit I really

flipped for Vicky I hope you do for me

to flip for you

Vicky sweetheart come here I think I can

safely say that there isn't another

granddaughter in the world like you oh

I'm going to miss you sweetheart

so am I you're really something special

look dad there's another care on our

cheek he must really be developing

emotions yeah she seems to be getting

closer to being a real female she cries

when she's sad and she cries when she's

happy

[Applause]

she's my small wonder lovely and bright

and soft words she's a small wonder a

childlike

[Music]

and I grant you chilly change you at the

site she's not small

[Music]

[Applause]