02x01 - Chewed Out

[bunniefuu]

I'm finished cleaning the floor thanks

Vicky it's a blessing having a robot

around the house you can empty the

bucket

Vicki I ever learn idiot please mop up

the water

Vicki hi Annie

W hi Ted what happened here your

favorite robot Vicky wet the floor she

hasn't even wet the bed

yet so how was your day oh terrible we

got one of those efficiency experts

nosing around our department that's all

we need is another budget cut right I

mean we're barely squeezing by as it

is Ted when did you start smoking again

what oh I'm not smoking honey I was

having a cigar

[Music]

I'm sorry honey that efficiency expert

really got me bugged there were these

cigarettes laying on the table and

without thinking I just still lit one up

oh

Ted well look honey it's no big deal

it's ow ow ow ow

owow Ted it's so bad for you besides it

stinks up your clothes in the house I

could even stand to kiss you when you

smoked PE

you all right I promise I will never

smoke again soon as I finish the

cigarette oh no you don't you are not

smoking oh come on honey just a couple

of little Puffs

please you are not smoking ow ow

oh serves you right these are going

right into the garbage that's right let

the garbage get

cancer Vicky uh please take the mop and

the bucket outside

hi hi guys how you doing Vicki I haven't

even went the bed

yet so how was school today guys

terrible right what's the matter oh it's

just that last year when we were seniors

in grade school we were the big shots

everybody looked up to us oh I see and

now that you're in your first year of

junior high you're low man in the totem

pole huh low we're the part that's

sticking to the

ground and I won't be that way forever

uh Jenny uh we're going to be gone for a

while your father's taking you to the

market I

am yes grab your ear what grab your

ear

ow there's got to be a way we can prove

to the older guys at school that we're

not little kids anymore I hate being

treated like a baby yeah me too you know

it really embarrassed me on lunch today

when I big ninth grade to pick pick me

up and try to Burak

me hey I've got an

idea maybe we could buy our way in with

the older guys you know trade them to

lunch or something great idea but I

don't have any money my piggy bank went

to the market a long time

ago yeah I'm broke myself but maybe if I

do all my chores ahead of time I can hit

my dad up for an advance on my allowance

I'll start by taking out the trash

hey how' this pack of cigarettes get in

here your mother threw them out for your

father dad since when did Dad start

smoking he wasn't smoking he was just

having a

cigarette PE

you hey Jamie I got a better way to show

the older guys we're at babies and

cheaper too how's that smoking I seen

some of them doing it but we don't know

how to smoke I can show you how to

smoke and just where did you learn how

to

smoke I saw Betty Davis do it in an old

movie on

TV you take a cigarette like this and

you put it in your hand like this and

you say pizza p p

[Music]

blow it

[Laughter]

[Applause]

out how'd she do that well uh Vicki's

full of tricks Vicki why don't you go

and uh make us a couple of sandwiches

pal I'll go and uh make us a couple of

sandwiches

pal well let's try it here

goes how is

it

[Laughter]

great do I look like tomorrow B

man no look more like Virginia

slim let me try it well here it

goes I Smell Smoke fire

fire this there's no fire Harriet

quiet well I smell something strange

you're just smelling

[Laughter]

yourself oh I know what it is you've

been smoking cigarettes in here us

smoking oh boy wait till your folks find

out wait

Harriet

yes let's cut with the small talk and

get right to the

blackmail what do you want to keep your

mouth shut we'll log a weed on you an

expensive lunch a movie and romantic

walk in the

park you got it Reggie I'll be glad to

take

you I'm gone for

Alaska I want you to take me on that

date Jamie well

look at it this way if you keep smoking

it'll stunt your growth one day if I

tell your dad it'll stunt your growth

immediately all right all right now just

get lost Harriet see you later you

silver tongue little devil

you now all I've got to do is hide those

cigarettes but where

I know I'll hide them on you

Vicky oh I better get rid of this one

too get rid of this one

[Music]

too oh Vicky go get Jamie or he'll be

late for school go get Jamie and don't

take no for an

answer well honey I hope this older boys

treat him better today I TR hate to be a

12-year-old kid again why is that cuz

you'd never fool around with a

12-year-old kid come

here Vicky stop Vicky your mother said

not to take no

for enough

Vicki all right that does it Vicky

barged in on me right while I was

getting dressed it's embarrassing I need

my privacy I'm not a kid anymore there's

no reason to be embarrassed Vicki's not

a girl she's a

robot yeah but she looks like a girl she

smells like a

girl

yeah I put a little of my perfume on

her night of

passion well she stinks up my room I

mean if the guys at school ever found

out I shared a room with my sister

they'd laugh me out of town well what do

you want us to do about it move her into

your

room our room what you I don't know what

do you think Johnny well why not honey

it might be kind of fun okay I guess

you're moving in

Ricky okay I'll stink up your room

I tell you Reggie there's no problem my

mom's shopping and my dad won't be home

from work for hours great but are you

sure Peter Watson's going to come by hey

no sweat I said he would didn't I man

the biggest jock in the ninth grade

coming to a lonely seventh grader's

house there really is a

god how'd you do it Jamie all I did was

ask him he knows the winner when he sees

one

is now how you doing

buddy hey what's up Jamie he's Jamie I'm

Reggie oh well all you seventh graders

look

alike so where's that rare baseball card

you promised me when you begged me to

come over he begged you well actually it

was more like

gring well he said I graveled like a

ninth grader the car kid here you go

Pete hey only my friends at school can

call me Pete yeah I

know you can call me

sir that goes for you too

Jamie talk to you guys later only not at

school got it got it but what's your

Rush as long as you here let's rap and

have a cigarette you guys smoke hey

we've been smoking for

[Laughter]

years pizza pizza pizza

[Laughter]

guys many cool smokes anymore cigarettes

are kid stuff they are how that kid

thing get in my

mouth if you guys really want to be cool

this is what all us jocks are doing

nowadays what is it chewing tobacco

watch how it's done

see you get the same high as a cigarette

and your lungs don't get all black just

the

teeth you want to learn to be a jerk all

your life oh we want to learn that stuff

won't hurt you like cigarettes too not

even I've been doing it for a long time

and look at all the pro ball players who

chew it if it was going to hurt you you

think they'd be chewing it he's got a

point there you want to try it or

not just a couple of babies Who you

calling a baby give me

that good stuff

huh

move how about

you I thought she never

asked well down the

gums whatever you do don't swallow the

juice make you sick as a

dog now you tell

me he for the baseball card you guys can

have what's left thanks sir you guys

might be okay after all I mean uh I

can't promise you anything and don't get

too excited but maybe I'll even talk to

you at school one day see you

sir Ted if you could just move it a

little closer to the wall this thing is

heavier than I thought and I'm pooped

I'm not

pooped perfect Vicki thank you

okay let's hit the sack honey let's hit

the

sack I meant the other honey you hit the

cabinet

move no wait wait

wait I meant get in the

cabinet night honey night honey night

honey

[Laughter]

what's the matter I don't know I guess

it's silly kissing me good night is

silly no it's Vicky she can hear us no

she can't yes she

cany pipe down and go to sleep I don't

sleep you will if I take you apart

night

honey now where was I Tad what's the

problem it's Vicky I I think she can see

us don't be ridiculous no she can't yes

she

can all right all

right right there Vicky turn around face

the back of the cabinet then I won't be

able to see see

you that's the idea now turn

around there you happy now

no I'm sorry honey but I'm just not

comfortable with Vicki in the room a

terrific why don't we see what's on

television boring

oh hey there's an old Betty Davis movie

on oh I love her you know honey uh Betty

Davis used to be really sexy in her

movies no way Jose not with Vicky in the

room oh great that's just

great hey I Smell

Smoke you think that old Line's going to

make me jump in your arms forget it no

no no I'm serious get up I smell smoke

right so do I where's it coming from oh

no

Vicki pizza pizza

pizza all right what do you know about

these oh uh cigarettes are real bad for

you dad I wouldn't smoke if I were

you why were you you and Reggie smoking

them me and Reggie quit stalling I got

it straight from the robot's

mouth all right we only took a couple of

Puffs and we hated it we won't smoke

ever again I promise yeah well you

better not there'll be more than one

butt burning around

here you can count on it dad from now on

I'm only going to use this chewing

tobacco oh well that's a Rel chewing

tobacco how dis disgusting it doesn't

taste real good but Peter Watson says

chewing tobacco's in and it won't hurt

you yeah well I got a big flash for

Peter Watson chewing tobacco is even

more dangerous than smoking it ah come

on dad I mean look at all the pro ball

players you chill just because a few

stupid ball players don't care about

what kind of example they set it's no

reason for you to be stupid

too a mom well now wait a minute honey I

I think Jamie might have a point here

what I mean come on he he's practically

an adult and I gosh I think it's time we

started treating him like one right

Jamie now you're talking dad T are you

crazy no I don't think so honey I mean

uh let's let's be open-minded about this

now Jamie how does this chewing tobacco

work I mean I why don't you chew some

for me sure

Dad oh I see well come on you can do

better than that huh don't be a baby

[Laughter]

right yeah good stuff

huh what what more oh more okay sure

sure here you go here you

[Laughter]

go Dy starting to turn

green come on Jamie keep it up huh

[Laughter]

you enjoying yourself yeah but if you'll

excuse me I think I'll enjoy it in the

[Music]

bathroom well I hope last night will be

the end of our problem a problem will

not be over until Vicki's cabinet is out

of our room I met our problem with

Jamie hi hi Honey hi Jam

what's the matter is your stomach still

upset no my stomach's fine it's the rest

of me that's upset what's the problem

well remember I told you about Peter

Watson oh yeah that big smart Jack who

gave you the chewing tobacco well he got

this sore in his mouth they found out

it's cancer oh no oh Jamie I'm really

sorry I guess that's a heck of a way to

make my point but now you can see why I

was being so tough on you yeah boy I'll

never smoke or chew again I hope you

also realize you're not as grown up as

you think you

are hi

[Music]

Jamie what do you want Harriet well I

thought now it be a good time to discuss

plans for our

date all right Harriet why don't you go

right ahead and plan the date okay okay

and if I don't show up start without me

Jamie that's rude rude but

effective I'm finished putting my

cabinet into Jamie's room who told you

to do that she

did joony you

animal s

[Applause]

she's a

small

Wonder lovely and bright and sofs she's

a

small

Wonder a child unlike other girls she's

a miracle and I grant you she'll enchant

you at her

she's the

Small Wonder brings love and laughter

everywhere

[Music]