02x16 - The Personality Kid

[bunniefuu]

well we're last night's baseball scores

last night's baseball scores 4 5 2 3 6 2

2 & 8 4 thinking I'd like to know who

won 5 6 & 8 Jamie read em and weep

thanks dad coffee got cold Vicki would

you heat this up for me please it's

heated Thank You Vicki

you know you're the first microwave with

lips would you pour me a cup coffee for

you a cup of coffee

Rory Jamie will be late for school I'm

ready mom well you're sure enjoying this

substitute teaching RJ I love it it's

wonderful working with children watching

them growing expanding their knowledge

and learning to throw pencils with a

stick in the ceiling well honey make

sure you keep a close eye on Vicki at

school make sure she doesn't do anything

suspicious don't worry about it dad

everyone at school thinks Vicki's are

real human kid one of my best students

oh well Vicki I tell your dad some of

the things that you've learned in school

so far I've learned history geography

algebra and that's eat the mashed

potatoes in the cafeteria because cook

sweats on them

[Music]

children you should have thought of that

before plaster okay you can go tell me

when Civil w*r began this civil w*r

began in 1861

that's correct Vicki and who was the

president during these were happening

for mr. president during this

that's correct Vicki but to please give

some of the other children a chance to

answer right well I know that all of you

know that Abraham Lincoln was born in a

log cabin but who can tell me where the

log cabin was located yes Reggie

President Lincoln was born instead of

Kentucky

that's correct Reggie very good that

answer is incomplete the exact location

of the log cabin was in LaRue County

Kentucky

what no zip code 47 48

class dismissed

see you after lunch stay close to me at

lunch what are you doing I'm staying

close to you just stay here it right

have a lunch guys

well um we were just talking about that

I've gotta talk to you Jane what's that

well uh the guys decided that from now

on if you want to eat with them

don't bring Encyclopaedia mouth where do

you expect her to go for lunch

how about LaRue County Kentucky come on

red she's my sister I gotta keep an eye

on her well why does she have to come to

school with you anyway thought your mom

taught at home oh she does but when my

mom substitute teaching and she can't

leave Vicki home alone come on she's not

that bad well the guys think she's stuck

up in the shore she's got the

personality of a tree stop she never

laughs I never even seen her smile hey

nobody's perfect

besides sure she smiles biggie sure adds

your smile you called that a smile

it looks more like she got a gas bubble

let me lay it out for you pea brain if

you want to have any friends left you

better do something about your sister

come on guys

thanks a lot Vicki because of you

everybody hates me that's incorrect

not everybody has met you pea brain

okay biggie here goes what were you

doing behind my back making a surprise

adjustment to your circuits well what

kind of surprise beats me that's what

makes it a surprise okay turn around

does that do anything to you it has no

effect on me it's working no no walk

around let's see what happens dad's

gonna send you to scream in that

condition

who knows let me do three beats me

[Music]

Apple for the teacher how about a kiss

from the teacher my you're precocious

for a seventh grader why'd you get me

after class will make Gambel cells do

for now young man I'm working on dinner

thought I smelled something good it's

pot roast mm-hmm I went ahead a vicky

baked some cookies for dessert Cookie

Monster upset hi Jamie how was school

today

terrific Vicky what are you doing well

we obviously have a malfunction here

obviously pea brain I wouldn't send her

to school in that condition don't worry

I won't let her out of the house till I

know what's wrong with her

good heavens what a shame my friends a

school little sure miss er yeah well

I'll fix her after dinner Vicky go to

your cabinet go to my cabinet dinner can

wait Vicky Scott stop right there come

back here hold it right there now hold

still relays look okay verbal

synthesizer looks okay okay Vicky say

something

[Music]

[Laughter]

never seen her acting so strangely I bet

it's gonna take weeks to find the

problem huh dad

maybe even once I found a problem maybe

even seconds for bipedal ambulatory gyro

is malfunctioning which confuses her

remote response effector circuits that

makes sense

well you boil all that technical talk

down it means something very simple

what's that you got a screw loose okay

let's test her coordination Viki touch

your finger to your nose and take three

steps forward I swear to you officer I

haven't been drinking what she started

that last night on a rerun of adam-12

okay Viki walk perfect she's not drunk

she's sober enough to go to school with

us tomorrow

absitively posolutely that's wonderful

Jamie blender food isn't the word I had

in mind well come on help me set the

table for dinner me come on what's wrong

with Vicki I've got it screw loose

what am I gonna do with you Viki the

guys at school just don't like your

personality I've got the personality of

a tree-stump yeah what you need is a

personality transplant

Reggie's right you never smile or tell

jokes or laugh at anybody else's jokes

hey nobody's perfect wait a minute maybe

I could program you with a new

personality I can do anything I'm

programmed to do exactly okay let's

start with the basics what do you do if

you bump into somebody I knocked them

over I meant if you meet someone at

school you give them a big smile and you

say hey buddy give me five what's

happening and if they say they've been

sick or something yeah sad and say well

I'm sorry I hope you feel better

tomorrow got it got it

and if they tell you a joke you gotta go

like this now that's really funny what's

a joke a joke oh I'll give you an

example what has four wheels and flies a

garbage truck

[Laughter]

you're supposed to laugh I'm not

programmed to laugh oh well there are

all sorts of different kinds of laughs

if you think something's just a little

bit funny you give it a chuckle like

this right and if you think it's real

funny

you got a choice you can give it a belly

laugh like this or you can give it a

bass snapper like this got all that got

all that good and it might be pretty

good if you could tell a couple jokes

yourself I'll give you a drug book

memorize I've never told a joke well

you've seen those comedians do it on TV

first they always put their hand on

their side like this and they say

speaking of this dinner

speaking of dinner dad what has four

wheels and flies your mother on the

freeway

[Laughter]

okay Vicky there he is

here's the chance to show off that new

personality a Reggio buddy oh hi Jim oh

I see your sister still with us

hey I had a talk with her last night

well I hope it was about running away

from home give her a chance reg I mean

the guys don't really know her

Nikki can be a lot of fun give me five

what's happening if you really want to

know I've got a stomachache

a headache and I think I'm coming down

with the flu that's really funny

she's just kidding

she loves to laugh I'll bet she gets

hysterical I train wrecks where was she

when the marbles were passed out you

don't see tragedies if you laughs in the

wrong place again I'm dead

oh I hope you feel better tomorrow

okay class settle down good morning well

um let's start with the review of what

we learned yesterday about civil w*r and

let's write it down

speaking of writing a little boy comes

home from school and says guess what mom

I just learned how to write and she says

why did you write and he says I don't

know I can't read there'll be no more

laughing and no more interruptions

I'm here to study history speaking of

history and Englishman says to American

tourists did you know that the Magna

Carta was signed on this very spot Vicki

and the American says when and the

Englishman says 1215 and the American

looks at his watch and says darn we

missed it by 20 minutes there will be no

more jokes out of you got it got it good

now let's continue what a Reggie what

can you tell me about Lincoln's

Gettysburg Address Lake is address I'm

really angry about this and the one

who's responsible is going to be

punished mom don't be too hard on Vicki

I didn't mean Vicki I was talking about

you young man you're in hot water

speaking of hot waiter what's the sly

doing in my soup and the waiter says the

back the drought

man that was the worst day I ever had in

school I'm even in trouble with my

parents speaking of parents you've sold

your last joke I'm gonna reprogram you

and hear me good are you good I want you

to forget everything forget everything

hi dad hi dad me what's this your mother

tells me about your programming Vicky

with jokes and disrupting the classroom

I did it for her I just thought it might

make thinking more popular with the guys

do you like her

why not it's her personality they don't

hang out with me because of her they

won't talk to me because of her they

don't even lunch with me because of her

I'm as popular as a skunk in an elevator

it seems to me to think you more about

yourself and you are Vicky huh and if

your friends can't accept you and Vicky

the way you are then they're not really

your friends are they and that is for

you your days is a stand-up robot or

over come on Vicky go to your cabinet

Vicky go to your cabin Vicky why isn't

she answering dad I don't know it

something happened on the way home from

school no she was talking fine a minute

ago what were you talking about by

telling jokes I told her to forget

everything Oh No did you actually use

the words forget everything yeah why

what's wrong

by saying forget everything Vicky has

forgotten everything she's learned since

the day I created her thanks a lot Jay

me three years of work down the drain

because you didn't like her personality

I'm sorry dad is there something you can

do with that oh sure Jamie if I decide

to become a ventriloquist I can use

Vicky as the dummy

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Applause]

boy I really blew it this time

hi Jamie what do you want Reggie well

the guys and I we're talking about your

sister after school hold it right there

if you don't like Vicky the way she is

yep go suck an egg

so we don't like her you did well I

guess we were wrong about her she was

great class today she's funny and Vicki

can have lunch with us anytime she wants

I didn't say we twinky breath I said

Vicki thanks a lot

see ya I'm just sick about this I feel

like I've lost a real child give me a

minute should be as good as new but you

just told Jamie that she was ruined you

don't think I'd let that little stinker

off the hook without teaching him a

lesson do you you mean he didn't erase

everything she ever knew oh sure but I

planned ahead for just this kind of

accident when I built her I installed a

backup system for her memory processor

why do you seem a little devil as we

just said on our honeymoon okay that

should do it

okay Vicki let me disconnect you and

then we'll test you out here Vicki go

sit on the couch

very good okay Johnny ham ask something

okay what's your name dad what's your

name my name is Vicky Larson right and

Who am I you are Joan Luss and my mother

right again and how old are you I'm 11

years old

and you are

some things are better left to raise

well I'm glad she's back to normal I'm

gonna go wash up for dinner honey wait

oh let me tell Jamie didn't Vicki's okay

nah let's let him sweat a little oh

you're tough

hi Vicki I'm sorry for what I did to you

I know you don't understand what I'm

saying

but I feel awful I've been a rotten

brother right sweat a little you're okay

I'm okay you are okay

I guess I owe you thanks for saving me

with the guys speaking of guys the guy

says to another it's raining cats and

dogs and the other guy says I know I

just stepped in a poodle

[Applause]

[Music]

thank you

[Music]