03x18 - The Russians are Coming, the Russians are Coming

[bunniefuu]

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yes who can tell me the name of the

Explorer that search for the Fountain of

Youth Viki Punk steady on search for the

Fountain of Youth

yeah but d*ck Clark found it

alright everybody maybe chapter 4 in

your history book 9

your mom's that's a dirty job but

somebody's got to do it

Dicky would you erase the blackboard

please erase the black boy Mickey we

gotta get going speed it up thanks Vicky

let's go

I got some very exciting news it seems

that the Soviet Union is sending over a

team of Russian students to compete

against American students in an academic

competition

oh this should be very interesting and I

just got word that the first stop on

their tour is right here at Grant junior

high don't worry mr. pants awesome will

compete in their underwear well it would

be a great honor for the school and

myself as principal of course if we

could win this competition I'm sure and

to that end I am choosing the brightest

student from each grade to compete

against them and you'll be pleased to

know that for the seventh grade I have

chosen Vicky Oh Oh mr. Brian I'm very

flattered that you've chosen her of

course but I'm afraid that I couldn't

allow it oh why not mrs. Lawson

well it just wouldn't be fair for

someone like Nicky to compete against a

huge just wouldn't be fair

no pressure I'm not sure that she could

handle it emotionally right Jamie right

she's a very emotional girl mr. Bryant

I'm a very emotional girl mr. Bryant

well I can't tell you how disappointed I

am well any case we're having a

reception for the Russian team on

Thursday night and I'd like for you and

your family to come

oh I'm sure we'd love to meet the

Russian threat kids it's a dirty job but

somebody's gotta do it

I'm ready dad do I look okay you're a

chip off the old good-looking block

[Applause]

is that my Cologne I smell might be some

cute Russian girls on their team so I

put on a few drops you mean a few quarts

spiders are falling off the ceiling if

you get the door I'll go warn your

mother to wear nose plugs

hi Jamie hi

what's the matter Harriet you look like

you just found a new freckles

life isn't easy for a woman in love I

just came over to tell you I'm not going

to throw myself at you anymore from now

on I'm going to be hard to get Ariat

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[Laughter]

now I know what you meant by hard to get

Harriet hard to get rid of

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[Applause]

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I think you'll find this a particularly

oh good introduce you to the Russian

culture 10 John Lawson this is Professor

Elizabeth oh please call me buddies this

is their daughter Vicki Oh Cheech Anya

such cute little sweet cheeks no I would

like to meet Vladimir good enough start

of Soviet academic team if you'll excuse

me Jana Jamie why don't you and Vicki

show Vladimir around the school that is

if it's all right with you Boris

Vladimir come on we're gonna give you

the 25 ruble tour

I cannot contribute 25 roubles to

decadent capitalist society wait this

guy's a real meatball what is that you

said nothing he said you're a real

meatball

intelligent lad mere yes I am a French

pastry where's the rest of your team

Boris team he competes in all grades 7-9

he must be an exceptional boy here

Vladimir is exceptional in Soviet Union

is just typical boy right in Brooke

Shields is just a typical American girl

the library would you like to see that

we have over 2,000 bucks my library has

20,000 books I've read them all how many

have you read skip very typical American

Locker it's very educational

[Applause]

like you said very educational what do

you think interesting

but these missing something that for me

whenever they're missing it isn't worth

having

there are detectors ok vitomir what

would you like to see you got Optimus

motion no but we've got a gumball

machine

in the seventh grade

Vlad but we do have a biology lab it's

filled with dead frogs that look like

this Vlad you gotta lighten up look at

bow of yours when we met child you're

out of it man here's how we do it over

here

Vicky give me five yeah yo go I can do

that give me five

yo yo go

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pointees no American can be Vladimir

Education in United States inferior to

Soviet Union I wouldn't say that voice

we have an excellent educational system

how can you say excellent when your

society rewards looks our brains is

ridiculous except of course for Vanna

White best minds come from Russia oh

yeah

Oh dah well no offense Boris but I think

somebody spiked your borscht

excuse me mister mrs. Lawson I want to

introduce you to the rest of the faculty

thank you boy that guy really makes my

blinis boil I would love to see Vicki

beat that Vlad America so would I be

cheating to put a robe on against a real

child way to go

[Music]

wait a minute I think Vladimir might be

a robot how can you be sure I don't

think you keep an eye on the door

no Vicki let us know if somebody's

coming Vladimir hold your arms straight

out at your sides okay now move them up

and down faster faster faster

just like Vicki does come down Vladimir

circuit box must be here somewhere

bingo oh and here we were worried about

cheating I'll better go tell mr. Bryant

no wait a minute Jamie I got a better

idea I think Vicki's gonna compete

against Vladimir after all

[Music]

all right Vicki good now scan this way

ah how's it coming honey I've almost got

Vicky program for the academic

competition today I want her to beat the

bolts off that Russian robot as I

mentioned Boris the over stuffed cabbage

kind of advance for the seventh grade

not taking any chances

dad even gave her a tourist book on

Russian conversation to learn

Vicky's face thoughts in Russian you are

a capitalist Pig I meant in the Russian

language yeah yes

Xun I've watched where's that mean Vicky

where can I find a dentist I guess it's

the thought that counts have Jamie go

see who's at the back door please sure

[Music]

Harriett whatever you want the answer is

no wonderful

my question was went trivy damn for a

date tonight would you think he's in a

big academic contest today at school

really hey I'm pretty smart I have to be

an academic contest - sure Harriette I

mean it ask me a question I'm very smart

okay just to get rid of you

what's the capital of Louisiana no no

Harriet Capital Louisiana's New Orleans

in a couple of illinois-chicago Jamie

you're the smartest boy I know

and handsome too thank you you're

welcome

now that I think you're so smart when

you take me out no way in that case the

capital Louisiana is Baton Rouge and a

title of Illinois Springfield and you're

and dummies

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welcome all of you to this unique

international competition and welcome to

our guests from the Soviet Union

vadoma guten off and to Professor boy

split in the pitch representing our

school for the seventh grade is our own

biggie Boston

as soon as you think you know the

answers children press the buzzer in

front of you now shake hands and come

out answer question number one which

Russian was also known as the mad monk

Beauty rescue is right and that was a

tie next question on which continent

could you find the Andes mountain you

can indeed find Andes Mountains one

South America it was pretty fast now

worry Vicky's gonna have a meeting

post-acute okay and now for the third

question who was the author of the novel

and they arrived again Alex Haley wrote

roots in 1917 I didn't even ask the

question next time try to keep up

well that concludes the first half of

our competition and at this point we

have a dead heat between two very

brilliant students we're gonna take a

brief break with some refreshments and

then we will resume with the second half

of our competition thank you

how Boris looks like we're giving you a

little competition a must admit your

daughter is not the usual American child

how you say yeah to lunch

Vladimir will be much faster in the

second half is where the intelligent yes

what Amir yes I'm real meatball laughter

he is defeating this school he will

defeat children all over America comes

then the biggie we go to Washington and

in front of president of United States

racial words how superior is Soviet

education oh yeah all da first stop

don't worry honey no way is he getting

to Washington we're gonna put an end to

his little scam oh honey honey

Jamie I want you to get Vladimir out

into the hall honey you keep Boris busy

for a while

wanna make a few adjustments to Vladimir

Boris is in for a little surprise right

Vicki right comes a biggie you good work

Jamie will be down the hall let me know

if anybody's coming Roger come with me

Vladimir what are we going to treat you

to some good old-fashioned American

reprogramming he's good he's good

welcome back to this extraordinary

competition or our competitors ready yes

okay let's get started if train a leaves

Moscow at nine o'clock in the morning

going 80 miles per hour and train B

leaves Odessa at ten o'clock in the

morning going 70 miles

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[Applause]

that's question yes I wish to make

announcement announcement duh I wish to

announce that United States of America's

greatest country in the world I love

America is really nice to hear it is not

the freedom of race I want to live in

America I defect no possible oh say can

you see

Twilight's last please

[Applause]

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[Applause]

well this is certainly an unexpected

turn of events yes unexpected I am sure

glad Amir is making little joke please

excuse us a moment

what is wrong with you nothing a little

adjustment to his central processing

unit wouldn't cure Boris I do not know

what you mean

games up for us we know he's a robot

[Laughter]

that is insane how could you believe

that little Vladimir good enough is sad

that you know happens to be a cybernetic

engineer Calle shot stick you couldn't

leave good enough alone

well as I see at bourse you have two

choices I can tell the world what you

tried to do here today yet not that

event is in Siberia where D miserable

and the summers are no dance party there

okay then you can withdraw from the

competition cancel the rest of your tour

and take Vladimir back home oh yeah

goodbye cute little sweet cheeks

goodbye you overstuffed cabbage such

darling girls by this much but is

impossible to face off

robot this human yeah no one could pass

off a robot as a human right Vicky right

human let's go Nakagawa

you know I think we learned a valuable

lesson here today I can't reveal Vicky's

a robot until she's so perfected that

nobody can reprogram her oh I guess

you're right but I can't help but feel

that we win a victory for America here

tonight Yankee Doodle went to town

riding

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[Applause]