04x05 - Come Fly With Me

[bunniefuu]

okay here you go Jamie this should hold

you till dinner thanks mom practical

jokes on people well it looks like the

joke's on you mr. Larkin that wasn't a

Great Dane you were walking that was a

man in a dog suit as for the little

puddle I can't explain it well ladies

and gentlemen that's it for tonight this

is art Linkletter inviting you to join

us next week at the same time when once

again we approve people are funny

[Music]

hi g*ng well we're all set for this

weekend the guy just confirmed our

reservations at golf city but you can't

wait huh all right what's wrong and golf

it is nothing but a giant cutting green

surrounded by desert we don't play golf

and there's nothing else to do

sure there is watch me play golf how

much stronger you could be wearing that

silly outfit as your wife I have a right

to know thank you did you lose a bet

kitty

you are looking at a man who is out of

his way up just who the company is

selected to fly to Miami tomorrow to

demonstrate our new micro scanner Alf

how about me of course

same thing I feel so good that I might

be persuaded to allow you to accompany

me that's your expense naturally what

she's Brandon that's awfully small of

you but I've already made plans for the

weekend and I wouldn't want to

disappoint my family

I'm only thinking of your career here

see if you come along with me

that will demonstrate to the company

that you are a team player and that

might put you in line to succeed me

after I'm promoted assuming you could

handle my job of course of course

so I Brandon no way well I don't want to

push this thing but let me put it one

other way Brandon as pretty little pal I

can't explain it I take it that you're

afraid to fly are you kidding he's

afraid to lick an airmail stamp Brandon

get up don't be silly

flying is safer than driving a car

suppose the plane falls on your car

Brandon flying is no different than

sitting right here in this kitchen if I

could only believe that kids okay

Brandon this is now an airplane and I'm

the captain spit and Joni you and Vicki

are the stewardesses okay

what are stewardesses the well it's like

those airplane movies that we watch on

TV Vicki the ones where they crash on

the mountain are the ones where they

crash in the ocean

sit-stay passenger dad needs all be your

wife might as well get him some practice

just try and relax Brandon just keep

saying to yourself flying is fun okay

but he thought look passenger

I wanted a pillow and a blanket okay

baby is your captain speaking

welcome aboard Lawson Airlines flight to

Miami we'll be cruising at an altitude

of oh I don't know four or five feet

maybe ladies and gentlemen please make

sure that your safety belts are fastened

and it's your carry-on luggage is stowed

safely and if you get sick there's a bus

that gonna seat in front of you okay I

think we're ready to go engines on

please

I think we're here now

see there's the poison birdbath we put

in so bad Chetty you're working flying

his pot why is fun Brenda relax it's

just a blender go to Miami without you I

need you you would be pleased Eddie

please sorry I'll get the company to pay

for your ticket

Brandon we've already made plans for the

weekend my Annie the beach lawns bikinis

yeah you're settled for Disney World

just like people come on all right it's

a deal

[Music]

here you go oh thank you

you know maybe later the captain will

let you into the c*ck and you can see

how we fly the plane would you guys like

that man lovely thanks ed you remember

the first time that we flew together it

was their honeymoon

sure how could I forget your father

tried to tie ten cans to the tail of the

plane now is there anything else we need

he may need his blankie

excuse me sir

Oh me yeah aren't you art Linkletter

well that depends do I owe you any money

art Linkletter hi I'm Ted Lawson it's

really a thrill to meet such a big star

I wouldn't say that Chris okay for you

to yeah I hope you don't mind mr.

Linkletter but I couldn't I get your

autograph for my daughter of course

what's your daughter's name Joe

this is the main control wheel this

lever works the flaps which keeps the

plane flying steady and this switch

activates the automatic pilot this

switch activates the stewardess to bring

us coffee what's that thing over there

that tells us how fast we're flying

which right now is 565 knots with an 80

not tailwind that's right

how'd you know that watching you fly boy

she saw the movie airplane 20 times 20

times surely you didn't see it 20 times

yes I did and it'll call me Shirley

how you doing Brandon great just great

why don't you put on the stereo

headphones you know music can be very

relaxing no way takers gonna die in

flames listening to white guys think

Motown

Brandon why didn't you take something to

calm you down before you got on the

plane you're kidding that's not I was so

nervous I couldn't get to sleep so I

drank six glasses of warm milk every

time I started to drop off I had to go

to the bathroom thanks for sharing that

sort of sleeping pills didn't help I was

up all night this morning I took more

sleeping pills took a warm bath nothing

helped I just I cannot I cannot yet stay

that way to Miami

thanks a lot for that tour boom glad you

enjoyed it so this how about an adult

getting in on that c*ck door well

we're not supposed to oh please it I'll

only take a mirror I'm just a big kid

myself

please well I guess it'll be okay

alright

how you doing art listen you mind if I

sit with you for a minute

well I have art art art chemically art

I'm such a big fan of yours I have been

watching you since I was a little kid I

don't need a little kid I mean I mean I

actually a small grown person but anyway

like I said you are my biggest fan

well you know what I mean it's such a

thrill day I mean you one of my all-time

favorite remember your show house party

to remember that listen I had a friend

but it wasn't a friend it was it

so then when I turn seven I really got

into cowboys in a big way but of course

mom wouldn't let me brand the calf when

they're that little they need a lot of

love listen I hope you don't mind my

taking up your time this way oh no it's

great fun to have somebody just like you

sitting here talking hour after hour

[Music]

so then have to write after I was seven

I turned eight scuse me

I have an announcement to make hey hey

hey your mind here we don't be so pushy

I happen to be talking about pigs this

happens to be art Linkletter oh oh I'm a

big fan of yours

I'm so excited to see I think of Joe all

the time oh thank you very much but

didn't you have some kind of an

announcement you wanted to make oh right

guys yes thank you

everybody on display Miami

we're going to cover this is the

hijacked hijack to benefit

[Music]

now I'm gonna say it one more time this

is a hijack

don't nobody try nothing cuz I'm wired

up with dynamite and if this stuff goes

off we all come back as confetti Joe Joe

Joe it's me I have 20 pellets and we're

on autopilot now what get out of there

so I can fight this thing and everybody

else stay where you are

better do as he says everybody wait a

minute wait a minute this is so obvious

sure it's figures what are you talking

about that's art Linkletter right he

used to do that show

people are funny where he would put

people into crazy situations and then

photograph their reactions situations

like this that's an old TV show it's in

its 42nd rerun many must be doing a new

show and this is one of the crazy stunts

it's gonna be on it do you really think

so a positive honey you really think

that it's just a coincidence that part

Linkletter happens to be on this flight

you know I think you're right I'm gonna

go back I'm gonna tell the other

passengers not to worry boy relieved

well it's certainly nice to meet you

mister hijacker Rahman I wish y'all what

are you nuts

I got to admit you really had me going

there for a minute Artie and I hate to

spoil your fun but we know these guys

aren't the pilots they're just a couple

of factors just like mr. hijacker here I

mean the real pilots are flying the

plane

right this is just another one of our

tanks ladders wacky stunts brews neutral

right he's nuts art you are a crazy shut

up oh honey

Jamie Vicki doesn't gonna be on TV let's

let's wave to our Grandma and Grandpa

where the cameras are I've been trying

to tell you we were in the c*ck those

are the real pilots

you mean this is no junk right meathead

hi grandma hi grandpa were being

hijacked now if we're all to playing

games I'm gonna lock myself in the

c*ck and slide this thing to cover

children Ford or anything silly like

that again you need television knows

I'll be a hero at school yeah maybe

you'll have a camp sacrifice your life

to save mine I'd miss you but I admire

you hey buddy you wanna move into

chewing on my shirt who is this guy

hi should he be flying the plane

waking up are you feeling I stick out

the okay just give me a couple of

minutes all right looks like the pilots

can fly the plane now but what are we

gonna do about the hijacker I got an

idea I tried it once for my show come on

hello I'll lure him out here you'll have

to put the plane on automatic pilot they

come sure the door you conk him on the

head with that fire extinguisher great

idea

all right here we go

excuse me mr. hijacker I'd like to have

a moment of your time please it's art

Linkletter speaking what's up you

remember my TV show people are funny

we're starting it up again and I have a

business proposition for you yeah yeah

I'd like to pay you $10,000 for the

right to do your story art maybe you

better make it 50,000 I'm cheap okay

we'll make it 50,000 how does that sound

mr. hijacker doesn't include the

videocassette rights what is he an agent

all right you got the cast at right I

don't carry $50,000 in cash on me oh

don't take no credit cards

didn't work I'm to think of it it didn't

work on my show

50 can you come here a minute I need you

Vickey that doors locked could you open

it please okay here take this and tie

his hands behind him what are you

looking at I'm waiting for your pants to

fall down just tie them up okay

we got a Mars hey nice work ladies

gentlemen can I have your attention

please

we've got the hijacker all tied up and

you won't be bothering us anymore excuse

me but we need you back up there to fly

the plane now right

what are we gonna do now I don't know at

least the planes on automatic pilot we

admit it yet someone else we could fly

this plane I have just completed a 45

degree turn to the heading of zero Niner

zero are you sure you know what you're

doing yes I watched the pilots I also

saw the movies Airport 70 75 and 77 I

can fly this plane with the 16 percent

chance of error what does that mean

we might bite the big one

[Music]

ladies and gentlemen this is your

captain speaking

we'll be preparing to land in

approximately 11 minutes sorry but we

cannot serve the cold chicken and

staleness capture the hijacker who is

flying to play who's flying the plane

now

I still can't believe Vicky lands us

safely wow you could say she's no

ordinary little girl Vicky you saved our

lives

you're fantastic oh I wouldn't say that

but it's okay if you do welcome to

Saskatchewan

Saskatchewan and Canada I just landed a

mum kids say the darndest things

[Applause]