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04x12 - Tag, You're It

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Small Wonder". Aired: September 7, 1985 – May 20, 1989.*
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Chronicles the family of a robotics engineer who secretly creates a robot modeled after a human girl, then tries to pass it off as their adopted daughter, Vicki.

04x12 - Tag, You're It

Post by bunniefuu »

[Music]

let's see a lesson plan good attendance

sheets I hope I haven't forgotten

anything mom if the students are

supposed to be nervous not the teachers

I just want everything to go smoothly

I've never been a substitute teacher on

the first day of

school but tamy why are you wearing a

tie jacket I'm an eighth grader now I

think it's important to project an image

of maturity and dignity oh and he's

afraid Don Graham won't tag him for the

tag dance if he looks like a

slob I see taggy p what dance mom where

have you been

Mars it's the big back to school tag

dance if a girl tags a guy this week he

has to take her to the dance on Friday

last year he got tagged by Molly the

Moose she could open Coke bottles with

her teeth

an outstanding asset she's got that

too morning Dad good evening ladies and

gentlemen oh good morning Jamie hone are

you still writing that speech you were

working on it all last night Joanie this

is not just a speech this is the keynote

address for the annual conference of the

Society of cybernetic Engineers I mean

where you been

Mars what have you got so far dad okay

okay listen to this how does this

sound good evening ladies and

gentlemen and that's all I got so

far well sure comes to a point but the

end just sort of hangs there look I have

to choose my words very carefully I mean

what I say will set the tone for the

entire conference well I'm sure you'll

think of something brilliant dear come

on kids we don't late for school I can't

wait you know I've changed a lot over

the summer I've grown into a much old

man that's true honey you are growing

like a weed as a matter of fact both of

you

are wait a minute how can a robot

grow oh simple hun I just extend the

telescopic joints of her titanium

skeleton and then I alter her electrogel

density that makes

sense yeah I mean she can grow just like

a real child now well I've changed more

than just size I got a new personality a

new outlook on life I wonder what Donna

will say when she sees the new me short

comes to a point but the end just sort

of hangs

[Applause]

[Music]

there there she

is you Donna

like C

there what have you done to your

hair it's so like

R way to go Macho

Man oh yeah I need you to help me I want

you to fill in and be a hall monitor all

right it's going to be tougher than I

thought to get Donna to tag me for the

dance well hey there's always Molly the

Moose at least she can open up your Coke

bottles that is she's has her two friend

teeth I'd rather take anybody else I

accept don't believe it Rambo with a

ponytail harod what are you doing here

why aren't you at your own school I

skipped last grade in elementary school

I'm going here now we're schoolmates

I've been saving it all summer for a

surprise isn't that wonderful Jamie he's

spe

so what is it that you want to take me

to oh you see he meant the big

tank tag tag what well uh in the first

day of school we all play a game of tag

it's the junior high tradition right

Reggie oh yeah that's the ticket you see

we used to play K to can but to the kids

got sore

cans see wait for me you

coward Jamie you're a big experienced

eth grader and I'm just a poor little

lost helpless seventh grader would you

like to show me around school

no well in that

case you you jacket you me

[Applause]

here move

[Music]

[Applause]

it why don't you like

[Laughter]

[Music]

me eat

it all right you little criminal report

to my office

immediately

you as for you young lady you're a hall

monitor it's your job to see these

hoodlums don't get away with that kind

of behavior yes Miss cratchet oh I see

you know who I

am yes you're the new vice principal my

brother says you could frighten

Godzilla you better believe

it I'd turn that lizard into

luggage and if you expect to guard my

Halls you're going to give out Dem

merits and plenty of them now anytime

you see anyone littering running yelling

give them a demerit understand yes

here's a demerit for

yelling no no no no no I make the rules

you enforce them got it young lady got

it

Godzilla thank you

watch

it running in the hallway that's one

Merit huh oh good joke

Vicky glittering that's another

demerit hey man she's serious Vicky you

don't give demerit to your own brother

yeah and I'll cut it out or else

threatening a hall monitor that's two

more

dearit eat

it you better cool it you get too many

demerits and they won't let you go to

the dance yeah you're

right uhoh here comes

Jaws I'm out of

here hi Vicki hi

Jamie you know I've been looking all

over the school and I can't find where

they're playing that traditional tag

game it's not a game it's a

dance tag dance if a girl tags a boy

this week he has to take her to the

dance Friday the girls tag the boys I'm

going to love Junior

High thought you could fool mea Sweet

Cakes now wait a minute Harriet T you

missed you can

[Music]

morning Honey

[Music]

hi K you look

exhausted I worked on my speech all

night again I I thought you finished

that last night well I did and then

after I went to bed I remembered

something terrifying what's that I still

have to give the

speech I got to stand up in front of 300

know-all cybernetic Engineers I feel

like a condemned man here's your last

meal

Vicki go get ready for

school that's one dearit for being

pushy honey I'm going to make a fool of

myself I mean what if I drop my notes

what if I forget everything what if my

mouth falls

off honey it'll be just fine you're just

tired that's

all look why don't you stay home today

and get some sleep I'll call the office

for you baby you're right of course I am

mommy knows best you go to Betty by like

a good little cybernetics engineer okay

mommy morning Dad good night

Jamie the day is getting

shorter your father's just going to

sleep in today oh Jamie get yourself

some breakfast so we can get off to

school I'm going to eat at school Mom

okay I want to leave early so I don't

run into haret

gotta back back give out Hy I may be

small but I'm quick you may be quick but

I'm gone

[Music]

this

dearit

dearit I didn't do anything just in

case okay Jamie the call is clear no har

[Laughter]

it can you really see through those

things no problem I just don't want

Harriet to notice me if she doesn't

she'll be the only

one listen if you see her give me our

secret signal I got to get Donna to tag

me for the dance before Harriet does

all right Buster trashing trash cans

that's two de merits Vicky what are you

doing here you're supposed to be a hall

guard Miss cratchet promoted me for

giving out the most am merits in school

history 10 more and I get a racing

stripe on my

sash listen if you keep giving me the

Merit I can't go to the

dance okay you're never going to give me

another dearit as long as I live got it

got it as long as you

live no matter what anybody says even

miss

cratchet there goes my racing

stripe hey Donna you look really pretty

like for

sure who you supposed to be like Jamie

Bond

oh oh oh no please don't give me away

wow you like talking to my

socks is Jamie out here uh no no I don't

see him do you see him no I don't see

him that's because he's hiding under

that

table thanks

Vicki Jamie I need to talk to are you

coming out or not not you don't want to

talk you want to tag wow this is like

getting so weird like I can't handle the

pressure like

cow Mar don't come near me I'm not going

to tag you really cross my heart I'll

bet I just want to tell you something

that's very important for you to know it

could affect your whole life well okay

what's so important for me to know never

trust a woman in love T got

you I can't can't believe I let Harriet

tag me for the dance what a

sucker you'll live through it Jamie mom

you don't understand I'm an eighth

grader even if Haria was human I'd be

taking a seventh

grader seventh grader is the lowest form

of life except for the guys at the stamp

club right now I've got a bigger problem

with your father the speech that he's

giving tomorrow is just driving him

crazy he hasn't slept in 2 days

here's the milk for Dad oh thanks Vicki

uh would you warm it

please it's

[Music]

warm mom said for me to give you these

to help you get to sleep oh thanks

fi you know uh things were so much

easier when I was a little boy

when I couldn't sleep my mom would Rock

Me In Her Arms and sing me a lullaby and

off I'd

go here you go some nice warm milk I

brought oh

no rockby baby the Tre when the wind

blows the cradle will are you getting

sleepy

yet no but I am getting nauseous

[Music]

[Applause]

I got to get out of taking Harriet to

that dance Reggie or I'm dead meat there

must be a way let me think for a

minute he yeah the answer is obvious

what you're a dead

meat

thanks uhoh there's your sister deputy

demer

she might bust us for chewing with the

wrong

teeth hey wait a second bust I said

Vick's my way out what do you mean if I

get too many demerits I can't go to the

dance and I can't take Harriet man that

is sneaking underhanded I'm proud to be

your

friend see all I need is six more just

six this will be a CCH

watch hey

Vicky you

called you dropped

something wait a minute that's littering

aren't you going to give me a dearit you

ordered me not to give you another

demare as long as you

live okay but I'm canceling that order

you can give me as many demares as you

want

look I'm throwing trash all over the

Schoo

yard that's where at least two or three

dearit I will not give you another

dearit as long as you live no matter

what anybody says I told you I changed

that look I'm standing on a table I'm

sing on a sandwich I'm dancing on a

Danish look Vicki I'm tossing a

salad Jamie your whole life just flash

before my

eyes there must be something I can do to

get it aerica

I think that can be a

rained oh my gosh Miss cratchet I didn't

I'm very sorry young man I am giving you

five

demerits five demerits I mean that's

wonderful but only five can't you make

it six sorry six is co

slw I may be tough but I'm not inhuman

but you could be give it a shot

you know you're a very strange

child boy this is great now I'm really

dead dead in that case here's your

demerit for littering huh I can't give

you another dearit as long as you live

now that you're dead no

problem this is great thinky you saved

my life make up your mind are you dead

or alive I'm dead I'm dead and I'm so

happy you know you're a very strange

[Music]

child oh thanks guys I wonder what's

keeping your father is speech should

have been over an hour ago Mom after 3

days of no sleep he'll be lucky if he

knows where we

live he must really be

pooped hi honey

D you look terrible he's a pooped

pup how did the speech

go I don't know what didn't anyone

comment on it I don't know why not while

they were introducing me I fell

asleep poor

baby well you can make your excuses in

the morning right now I'm going to put

you to bed and I'll give you a nice warm

glass of milk and then it's

Ted Ted good evening ladies and

gentlemen Harriet I was just going to

come over and give you some terrible

news really well I got some too what's

yours well it seems that I've gotten too

many demerits and I can't take you to

the dance what's yours I couldn't go

with you anyway

what I have to go to my cousin's

wedding you mean I got all those Demar

for nothing not for nothing Miss

cratchet says dearit build character and

you're going to have a whole lot of

it like hi T what are you doing here

yeah what are you doing here like I was

really dragged cuz like my date for the

dance he like broke his foot or

something so so like I remember Jamie

even though you're wuss you like worship

me like a sl*ve so like tag you're

taking me to dance Friday oh

no

no like sorry Jamie can't take you to

the dance he has like too many

demerits like gag me with a spoon like

okay

VI I'm a hyper like I have to cool out

I'll go to the mall

ciao don't worry Jamie there'll be lots

of other dances and you can take me to

all of them

bye why is this always happened to

me like cuz your

was maybe dad has the right idea if I go

to sleep when I wake up this will all

just be a bad

dream oh no not not

again what are you doing Rock a by baby

in the treetop when the wind blows the

cradle will rock oh why fight it when

the B breaks the cradle will fall and

down we go baby cradle and all

[Applause]