04x13 - The Jailbirds

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

hey Jen how's ballgame greatest game of

my career what happened okay picture

this

bottom of the second my team is Gerald

42 to 39

it's a pitcher's duel my team's got the

bases loaded two outs and I in the back

the pitcher throws me a wicked curveball

I swing and it was all my might the ball

sailed out to left field it's going it's

going it's gone

that's terrific Joe you could never get

a curve ball before what you do

different he closed his eyes

maybe that'd work with my driver oh yeah

this is mr. Lawson

what well how do you know it was my son

with the ball through your window his

name and his number were on the ball

well listen I'm sorry about that mr.

Thatcher habit fix send me the bill I'll

take care of it

no problem what that true Jamie oh yeah

dad but it wasn't just any ball I hit

that was my first dozen of the season

that was the first home run of your life

I told you not to play in mr. Thatcher's

lot and I don't want you to do it again

okay yeah I know I could con you what I

count on you to get me off the hook oh

I'm glad you kids are home I need you to

go to the market for me now no but

here's the shopping list of the money

get going get going going

[Music]

oh wow Vicki look at all this Hey look

someone was playing tic-tac-toe

come on let's finish it I'll be heroes

eb y axes

[Music]

okay your turn

I win wrong you rose I'm gonna call the

police

so please yeah the police

[Music]

gets back from the market yet I am

really ready for one of your fabulous

dinners oh good having Brussels sprouts

and listen if we hurry we can get to

zippy burger before it closes so is a 58

Buick and don't even think about phoning

for pizza mom dad well I'm suing

mother-in-law and father-in-law since

I'm going to marry your son that I

called you

Teddy Jean Oh maybe after the wedding

Harriette you know in the meantime can

we stick with mr. and mrs. Lawson you

can still call me Harriet the kind

wholesome family relationship that

hasn't been seen since the Waltons it's

an expression of my sincerity thank you

Oh look Ted just what we've always

wanted you can never have enough wax

fruit no no no no no no can't taste any

worse than Brussels sprouts and liver oh

honey bun that's a good question Jamie

and Vicki should've been back to the

market a half an hour ago just a

shopping tell me are all the lost men so

easy to train oh yes dear

any questions hello well this is mr.

Lawson what what what's wrong are they

all right

no thank you we'll be right there

they're in the slammer they've been

arrested come on let's go

great not even married and already my

man's a jailbird

[Music]

can't believe that guy actually had us

arrested are they sending us up the

river where to get that from on TV

I watched the James Cagney Film Festival

you dirty rat

though they're not sending us up the

river spray painting is no big deal

don't sweat it besides mom and dad

always get us out of jams are you

alright

sure mom no problem no problem your call

getting arrested no problem

don't sweat it you always get us out of

jail did you do we were just fooling

around spray-painting a building it's no

big deal

a no big deal you call vandalism

destruction of private property

assaulting me no big deal

what do you mean assaulting you she

attacked me with a can of spray paint

I've had it with these little Punk's up

to here you've only had it up to here

everything to them is a big joke look

sir I'm sure it was just an accident

well they're not getting away with it

this time I've been after one of these

graffiti Punk's for a year I spent a

fortune

cleaning my walls I'm putting these two

little hoodlums behind bars sir I can

assure you they've never done anything

like this before they're they're really

well-mannered little hoodlums kids

please be reasonably reasonable its

criminals like this that make an ugly

eyesore out of a decent neighborhood and

now this mr. Braddock such and peppers

ready for you sent a complaint it will

give me great pleasure now we going up

the river bingo

kid no way Vicky cattle fix it where do

I sign sergeant right at the bottom mr.

Braddock you know these little

spray-paint and kids really get me mad I

don't blame you and some of the words

they spray I had to ask my kid what they

meant

wait sir before you sign that who are

you

well we're mr. mrs. Lawson were the

parents are the children involved

there's a - dear sweet never been in

trouble before children oh sure they are

listen sergeant isn't there something we

can do before this gets out of hand

don't ask me as the man in a

hand-painted tight

why you decide I've got to go out and

check my car these meet amazing out here

are vicious

mr. Braddock forget it lost and forget

it I'm gonna make an example out of your

little Bonnie and Clyde Jamie I'm Vicki

willing to do anything to make it up to

you

that's right anything at all you just

name it name it right just name it well

it's like I said a spray painting is a

blight on the neighborhood and and it's

expensive to clean up - I understand how

about $50 how about 250 250 dollars that

is highway fairness you got it it's all

settle $250 to clean your wall right and

150 for my shirt a hundred and fifty

that is out and now will you take a

check I think a check would be okay

pay the man dear all right what have you

folks decided oh you can tear up the

complaint sergeant it's all been settled

amiably oh here's your check I wouldn't

take a check without seeing a driver's

license when I made you credit card

I hope your help is as good as that

check if it isn't your health won't be

too good well folks I hope I don't see

your kids again sure you won't I think

they've learned a lesson some lesson get

in trouble and mommy and daddy I'll pay

off and bill yeah you know I count I had

the same situation with my own little

boy oh yeah how's that well he decided

that the neighbors can't look better

with a mohawk haircut

I thought it was a big joke until I told

him Melissa how did you do that well I

had some of the guys from the SWAT team

surrounds our house and when he heard

you're under arrest

through a bullhorn okay it inspired him

to take the path to everlasting

righteousness

amen I like that you know I got the idea

from a TV show you know that one where

they put kids in prison and then have

real criminals scam into toeing the line

yeah I heard about that will did it work

on the kids well I don't know about the

kids but it's just get the hell out of

me you know maybe there's a way we can

teach our kids a lesson they'll never

forget

oh well with the sergeant's help here

maybe we can bring our kids to the path

of everlasting righteousness you mean

you know put your kids in jail with some

hardened criminals just one hardened

criminal

[Music]

okay Lawson's on your feet I told you

Vicky we're out of here maybe in three

to five we gotta get your mug shots

fingerprints and fit you for a stripe

suit stripe suit that's the law get used

to spray g*n go to jail we're going to

jail bingo

kids but officer we're not criminals are

we did with spray paint a wall Wyatt

okay next criminal face forward now turn

your head

[Applause]

[Music]

I've been putting in too much overtime

have you sure that we're doing the right

thing I'm positive

just because mr. Braddock dropped the

charges that doesn't solve the problem

Jamie still thinks it's no big deal and

he's got to learn some respect for other

people's property besides it's been a

while since we've had pictures taken of

the kids okay into the cell we can't be

going to jail we won't do when we get

out my parents five down your parents

can't help you now I'll take anybody's

Paris

[Music]

society are you what are you doing here

overacting

I'll be waiting when you get out I'll be

the little old gray-haired lady with the

shopping cart at the front gates great

not being a little old gray-haired man

sneaking out the back gate

don't worry Janie even if they put you

on a chain g*ng and you go crazy baby

you've got to be strong am brave first I

gotta get past week and scared became

you must keep up your strength

hi I'm going right home and make you

some chicken soup with a file in it

what are you staring that short stuff

I wasn't staring

that's a look of profound admiration

you're pulling my leg I will if you want

me to she's just kidding this whoever

you are

well you can just call me spike spurt

and watch a widget joke sister the only

thing that makes me laugh is the sound

of bones breaking somebody's in here for

robbery as*ault we spray painted the

walls spray painted a wall well this is

start in the right direction she does

have me an animal got started you have a

dog I have a we do keep little change in

the yard there wasn't any money in

spray-painting buildings so instead we

started robbing them with your age who's

stealing cars and knocking off liquor

stores liquor stores oh yeah yeah my bro

we got it all extortion grand theft a

lot

don't you guys love fun oh yeah yeah

well see y'all they think that they can

uh you know break me by sticking me in

jail but I got news for you see because

the rowdy stink cold and clammy sales

and they don't bother me I neither do

dogs dives and riots and g*ng bees

Jimmy sound like the floor show that's

what jail is like oh yeah but uh you

kids keep up the good word you could

spend most of your time in jail

Oh dinner oh yeah in prison

we call it the catch of the day

I'd rather have chicken soup with a file

in it

[Music]

judge Fenton we really appreciate your

help well I'm always happy to do

anything that'll improve children's

respect for law and other people's

property well they really aren't good

kids your honor but we're all for

teaching them a lesson to remember

well if more parents did that I I think

would be a lot less crime and I'd still

have my car stereo in here bunks Jamie

judge Fenton would like to talk to you

charge judge you may be seated

Jamie and Victoria Wasson you are

charged with vandalism as*ault and

destruction of private property how do

you plead

young man you and your sister have

committed a crime which has offended

society you may think that spray

painting is a joke but it's quite

serious it could be the beginning of a

life of crime I know that your honor

honest and you young lady how do you

feel about spray painting hey that's how

me my bro got started started how do you

mean well there wasn't no money in it so

instead of spraying the buildings we

robbed him you then we stole cars

knocked off liquor stores sure there's

an explanation for this there better be

what is it mrs. Lawson tell him Ted well

I'm sure Sergeant Pepper can clear this

whole thing I mean look at her

could she have possibly knocked off a

liquor store you bet me and my bro Deni

Oh extortion grand theft you know what I

mean you dirty rats we want some decent

show

Vickey knock it off

thanks to you they'll be shaving my head

before I shave my face I'd give anything

to get on the other side of those bars

no problem together back together not

being a criminal but do you know what to

do this gate kha'zix yes

[Music]

so the noise side here just a

prison-break mom get us outta here or

we'll be walking that mouth smile

don't worry Jamie it's all been cleared

up Wow I promise I'll never do anything

to break the law again we're glad to

hear that Jamie now can we please go

home

nothing personal officer but I hope I

never see you again Jamie Jamie and that

goes for you too Vickie hey forget the

binky you can call me spike

[Applause]