01x39 - Rushin' to the Bone

[bunniefuu]

What's the story, Wishbone?What's

this you're dreaming of?Such

big imagination on

such a little bug.

What's the story, Wishbone?Do you

think it's worth the look?It

kind of seems familiar, like a

story from a book.

Shake a leg now, Wishbone. Let's

wag another tale

Sniffing on adventure With

Wishbone on the trail Come on,

Wishbone

What's the story, Wishbone?

What's the story, Wishbone?

What's the story, Wishbone?

Watch the story, Wishbone. Oh, these are

so funny.

Wanda, where did you find all of these?

Oh, in my attic. I used to love

collecting fan magazines. OK, you crazy

kids. I hate to break up the party, but

it's time to be the dog. Oh, those are

funny. Oh, Ellen, look at this.

Remember?Davy Jones.

Davy Jones?Wow! Uh,

never heard of him.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Miss Gilmore. Hi, guys.

Oh, hi, guys. How was school today?Great.

Oh, um, Joe, something came for you in

the mail today. It looks kind of

official. Official?Has my license been

revoked?

Mom. Yeah?You're not going to believe

this. What is it?You remember that

contest to find the new Mr. Mcpooch to be

on the new national TV commercial?Oh, I

love the Mr. Mcpooch commercial. You

know, the the one with the bagpipes.

Mr. Mcpooch.

What?Oh, what happened?

Yeah, what happened?Wishbone's a

finalist. No. Joe, that's great.

Do you mean to tell me?That

I may be looking at the

next Mr. Mcpooch. You

know, Wanda, he's on television.

A bonafide celebrity. Bonafide. I

get it. Nice pun, David, but I'm still

Wishbone. That's Mr. Mcpooch. Is

this what you call a mistaken identity?

It just might be. But you know what?

It feels pretty good. The

Russian author Nikolai Gogol wrote a

great play about mistaken identity. It's

the comedy The Inspector General, and it

was first produced in 1836. The play has

been produced all over the world,

including the Moscow Art Theater of

Russia. The actors of this production

work together as an ensemble, each one as

important as the next. As they say in

theater, there are no small parts, only

small actors. The actor playing Ossip in

this production isn't small. He's just a

little on the short side. Ossip is the

servant of Klastikov.

Klastikov is the lowly government clerk

who is mistaken for the important

Inspector General.

The play takes place in a Russian village

in the time of the czars. The officials

of this village haven't been very honest,

so they have good reason to fear the

investigations of an inspector general.

Now sit back and watch. After all, plays

are meant to be seen.

Gentlemen, as your mayor, I've brought

you here this evening to inform you of a

most unpleasant bit of news.

There's an Inspector General on his way

here. An Inspector General?

An Inspector General?Can you be quite

serious?An Inspector General, your

honor. Straight from the Capitol and

traveling Incognito.

He pretends to be a private individual. I

advise you to take certain precautions,

for he may arrive at any moment.

This situation is an extraordinary one,

simply extraordinary. There's a motive

here, one of a political nature. Never

mind politics. We must look

sharp, all of us, for this official in

disguise. I hereby decree that bribery

must cease until further notice.

And for you, my postmaster.

Any information concerning this Inspector

General is invaluable. I must authorize

you, for the good of the town, to

examine every piece of mail, incoming and

outgoing. No need to authorize, Mayor.

I've been reading people's mail for

years. You learned so much. Did I ever

tell you about the young Lieutenant and

his wild, weakened ETF?This is

hardly the time. My

concern is this blasted Incognito. I

expect the door to fly open any minute.

Something extraordinary has happened.

Something utterly unexpected. What is it?

Well, we went to the hotel. Peter

Ivanovich and I went to the hotel. Allow

me to tell Peter Ivanovich. We went to

the hotel. You're ruining the story.

Allow me. Allow me. Allow me. Allow me.

Allow me. I insist upon order.

First, you, Peter Ivanovich Dobchinski.

Then you, Peter Ivanovich Bobchinski.

Well, when we went to the hotel, we

observed a man in civilian

clothes. He had the air of a man from the

capital about him. So when the proprietor

told us that he was a government

official, I said, ah,

it was I who said ahIt was I. It

was I. It was I. It was I. Very well,

you both said ah

Important thing is you have found the

Inspector General.

Gentlemen, to the

hotel.

Oh, this is a dog's life. I remain

loyal to a master who squanders all his

money on gambling. The servant of a lowly

clerk is bound to go hungry. Ah,

there you are. Osip,

as your distinguished and

esteemed master, I order you to go to

the kitchen and have my lunch sent up.

Forget it. How dare you

refuse?You haven't paid our bill in over

three weeks. Has it been that long?

I don't believe you. It's been that long.

The owner's planning on giving us the

boot. Haven't these people heard of

credit?Oh,

please, Osip. Please?

No. But I'm hungry!

Quiet! There's someone approaching. This

could be our eviction notice.

It is clear, gentlemen, that we

stand before greatness.

I I I

my deepest respects

Your Excellency.

His Excellency

charmed. I'm sure.

Holy St. Petersburg.

Hey, Knuckles! How you doin'?How'd it

go in there?

Rough crowd, huhJoe Talbot

and Wishbone, you're next. Looks like

we're up, Wishbone. Let's just hope they

see how special you are. Don't worry,

Joe. You can count on me. I'll knock them

dead. Just let me warm up.

Look cute.

And you are?Joe. Joe

Talbot. And this is?

Wishbone. He's my dog. Hello.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, Joe. I'm

Seymour LaVista, and I'm leading the

search for the new Mr. McPooch, and I'll

be directing our new star in the new

commercial. Nice to meet you. Nice to

meet you. And how are you today, Fishbone?

Excuse me?That's Fishbone, Mr. LaVista.

Of course, of course, of course. Well,

down to business. Okay, Joe. We're

on! I

like your dog's looks. You have fine

taste, Mr. LaVista. Now I must determine

if your dog has all the extraordinary

qualities of a Mr. McPooch. Come on. Hit

me with your best shot. Now, tell me,

Joe Talbot. Is your

dog classy?Oh, you want classy?

You got classy. Oh, yeah.

He's classy. All right. No, no, no, no, no

You must tell me, Joe Talbot. Is your dog

perky?A perky, perky, perky, perky. Very

good. But prove to me that it's also

quirky. Quirky is as quirky does, Sir.

People always say he's quirky. Ever seen

one of these?Want to see another

one?And now for the big finish.

Well, what do you think?Joe Calvin,

your dog is brilliant. Yes. He's

spectacular. Yes. Your dog is

everything we need in a Mr. McPoosh. Yes,

Yes yesI'm everything they want,

everything they need. Love you, Seymour.

And I turned to the French ambassador and

I said Saint Petersburg may be lovely,

Monsieur, but Paris

is

magnifique.

Something's amiss here. So

worldly. Yes, so worldly.

And extremely

distinguished. Yes,

extremely. They treat my

master like a man of great rank.

A gentleman of such talent needs no luck.

You haven't seen him play cards. Ah,

may I make so bold as to present my

family, my wife and my daughter.

It is a great pleasure to meet such a

personage. Mine is the pleasure.

How could that possibly be?You are from

the capital. I live in the backwoods.

Of course, I'm used to living in society,

comprenez-vous.

But standing here with you

constitutes true happiness.

Mama, Mama, introduce me. Not now,

daughter. His Excellency and

I are presently engaged.

What is His Excellency's official rank?Is

it General?His rank?Is he kidding?

He's not a general, Sir.

He's a Generalissimo.

Oops. Attend to the victim,

daughter.

Your Excellency, you have

graced our presence as no one

has before.

Yes... I must formally request that you

honor our humble home as your

residence during your visit. A free place

to stay?I should be delighted.

Me too!

See where my natural charms have landed

us?I'm a real somebody to them.

Oh, sure. A somebody else.

Oh, boy.

What have we gotten ourselves into?Any

news?

Oh, Wanda.

No, they're not home yet.

It's hard to believe, Ellen, but

this could be the bowl

of a major new star.

Let me take it, Ellen, please, for my

mantle. Wanda.

Oh, Jo. How'd it go?

You're looking at the new Mr. McPooch.

What's she doing with my bowl?Wanda, are

you OK?I am great. I got

to go, though. The McPooch fan club has a

new president. See ya,

Mr. McPooch.

Way to go! Eh, the cute dog stuff works

every time. I'm really psyched. I got to

tell Sam and David. Okay. Later on,

McPooch. What's with the Mr. McPooch?I'm

still Wishbone. You know me, don't you,

Ellen?Oh, I'll admit it.

It is kind of thrilling to share a house

with Mr. McPooch. It's

Wishbone.

This is so exciting. All right, Mr. La

Vista, I'm ready for my close-up. Lights.

Camera. Wind up.

Oh, this is cool.

Whoa, look at that,

Mr. La Vista.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, Joe

Talbot and Friends. Good morning, Miss.

It's a pleasure to meet you. Hello,

Simon. Nice to have you with us. Hello.

Nice to meet you. People, people, people,

your attention, please. Our star has

arrived.

I'd always heard that every dog has his

day. Chop, chop now, everyone. Now we

must start rehearsal immediately. Now,

Renata will be taking care of his makeup.

Makeup?And Stefano will be handling the

costume. Costume?What kind of a dog wears

a costume?Well, whether or not I

deserve star treatment, I'm getting it.

And it's really feeling funny.

It's really very unusual the way these

people treat me. I mean, I understand

their natural awe in my presence, but

really, Osip, they've now begun to

give me money. Mysterious indeed.

These people must be blind.

I'd like to see how far my charms can

take me. The daughter

is approaching. Hide.

Ah, this ought to be good.

What has frightened you so, my dear?

I wasn't frightened, Your Excellency. I

only fear I've intruded on important

matters. What important

matters could compare with your eyes?

You talk just the way they do in the

capital. I'm

sure I must be going.

No! Stay!

And understand,

I love you. Love?I know no such

thing. You must consider me some sort of

country girl. Forgive me, but I am

consumed with love.

Pure, unfettered

love.

What sort of behavior is this?This show

just got better. Mama!

I say?I must confess

my astonishment.

Oh, madam, can't you see I'm in love?

Really, Your Excellency?Please get

up. The floor is so dusty. But

I am consumed with passion.

For you. For me.

But you must understand, Your Excellency.

I am, in a sort of way,

married. Love knows

no such distinctions.

Mama, Papa said,

what's got into you?You're like a

child. Really, Mama?I had no idea.

So I beg of you, do not oppose our

well-being.

So it's she whom you decide.

Do I live

or die?And you ran in here

screaming. It would serve you right

if I refused His Excellency,

but I cannot. Let us

go plan the wedding.

So, what do you think of your master now?

Good show. That was quite a performance.

Quiet,

quiet, quiet!

We're set to begin sh**ting.

This is the exciting part. Dancers ready.

Roll camera... and...

action!

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. And as

Mr. Mclooch comes down the ramp,I can't

believe it. I'm wearing a dress.

And he comes down the ramp. I'm

wearing a dress. Uh, Joe, I think there's

a problem. Cut, cut, cut!

Problem?We rehearsed this Joe Talbot,

huhI'm sorry, Mr. LaVista. He's just--

Mac Pooch. He's a Scottish dog. He wears

a kilt.

Come on, Wishbone, you can do this. I

can't believe I let you talk me into

this. All right, the sooner we do this,

the sooner we can leave. So Mr.

Mcpooch walks down the ramp. Mr. Mcpooch

walks up the ramp. All right, I got it.

Good boy.

Good, good, goodAll right, let's

bring Larry out for this next take.

Larry.

Oh, that's Larry Brinkley. He's the

voice of Mr. McPooch. All right. Um,

let's take it from just before Mr.

McPooch's entrance. Dancers ready.

Larry, set.

Cameras rolling. And...action!

Hello there, friends. I'm Mr. McPooch,

the Scottish dog. What?Who the

heck is that?And Mr. McPooch comes

down the ramp. For centuries, you've

loved my Highland Doggie biscuits,

blended from the finest Scotty crane.

Where is that coming from?And

he comes down the ramp. It's no

wonder why people always say I'm classy

and sassy. Who is that guy?

Oh, you didn't even make it to perky and

quirky. I'm sorry, Mr.

Lavista. I think he was thrown by the

voice. What can I say?

That's the dog's voice. Oh, no, no,

noThat is not my voice. Thank you very

much.

Joe, I'd like to go home now. Joe, honey,

I'm a little worried. I don't think

Wishbone's enjoying this. You know,

Ellen, I think you're right.

Maybe we can do it one more time.

What's this Joe Talbot one more time?Mr.

McPooch stays until the job is finished.

He's my dog now. I think we have a

problem, Mr. LaVista. Do we?

Yeah. That's not Mr.

McPooch. That's Wishbone, and he lives

with me. Thank you,

Joe. And Mr. Mcpooch

takes off the dress.

Thanks, buddy.

It's time for us to leave. We're out of

here. What's happening here?Where are you

going?It is only natural that Honor and I

should move to the Capitol.

After all, your daughter is marrying

an Inspector General. And

Inspector General, it's all

beginning to make sense.

And so I said to her, ladyship,

c'est la vie. Your Excellency,

you are brilliant.

Psst. Monsieur Krestakov.

Over here.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Yes, we must leave here immediately.

Whatever for?They don't know who you are.

They think you're someone important. But

I am important. Oh, no, you're not. And

they believe you to be an Inspector

General. We must leave before they catch

on. Oh, Pooh.

And I was just having fun.

My friends, I have news.

Pressing matters of state require my

immediate departure. Ohh

But you cannot leave without me. I shall

return within... days.

Now let's get out of here.

Bye-bye!

such dignity. Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have learned an

amazing thing. The official whom we

took as the Inspector General

is not the Inspector General.

Preposterous, I'm afraid not. I found a

letter from our visitor to a friend.

My dear friend, life has changed

considerably. In this village, I am

treated as royalty. The people

are quite vulgar. The mayor as

stupid as a horse's behind.

The judge as slow as a cow. Huh

The wife as vain as a peacock.

The daughter as awkward as an ostrich.

The landowner's as worthless as two

mangy what?Ah

And the postmaster as

as dull-witted as a donkey.

I have one other piece of news.

What?The real Inspector General

has arrived.

I get the sofa.

Home. I'm so glad this day's

over. At least you didn't have to wear a

dress. You know something?I'm

glad that Wispen's not going to be Mr.

McPooch. I think he's a lot cuter without

the kilt. Well, I'm glad, too.

Believe me when I say... I like you

just the way you are. Thanks, Wanda.

I hope she remembers that the next time I

dig up her yard. How about a snack,

Wishbone?That's my name. Don't wear it

out unless it's meal time! Hey, you've

been a beautiful audience, you really

have. WHAT'S UP! What's he?