02x01 - Rome Sweet Rome/Backwards Pinky/Wakko's Short Shorts: Now Loading

[bunniefuu]

theme song playing ♪

- It's time for Animaniacs! ♪

And we're zany to the max ♪

So just sit back and relax ♪

You'll laugh till you collapse ♪

We're Animaniacs! ♪

- Come join the Warner Brothers ♪

- And the Warner Sister Dot ♪

Just for fun, we run around

the Warner movie lot ♪

They lock us in the tower

whenever we get caught ♪

But we break loose and then vamoose

and now you know the plot ♪

We're Animaniacs ♪

Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪

Wakko packs away the snacks ♪

Our careers have made comebacks ♪

We're Animaniacs! ♪

Meet Pinky and the Brain

who want to rule the universe ♪

A brand new cast who tested well

in focus group research ♪

Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪

And ethnically diverse ♪

The trolls will say we're so passé,

but we did meta first ♪

We're Animaniacs ♪

You should see our new contracts ♪

We're zany to the max,

there's baloney in our slacks ♪

We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪

Back again-y ♪

Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪

♪

♪

YAKKUS:

T-togas!

Show the folks back home

you've been to Rome

by wearing a T-toga!

- Scrolls to famous Senators' houses!

- Pompeiian volcanic ash globes!

Each globe contains

genuine mummified citizen!

[screaming]

- Ah!

[straining]

- Actually, that's an anachronism.

Mount Vesuvius doesn't erupt until 79 AD,

another 11 years from now.

[glass shatters]

Lazy writing!

- [sighs] Do you guys think

opening a souvenir stall

in an age where tourism doesn't

exist might've been a mistake?

- Quiet! The news is on!

- [clears throat] Citizens!

By hand of the Emperor Nero,

here follows the news!

General Corbulo has quelled

the uprising in Britannia!

Brexeunt has been defeated!

[applause, cheering]

And finally, Nero announces

a glorious increase in taxation

to fund the building of Hadrian's Wall.

Verily together, we shall keep

the barbarians out.

WAKKUS:

Hey, no fair!

Nero said he'd make

the Caledonians pay for that wall.

- This is an outrage!

[grumbling]

- Praetorians! Seize the dissenters!

♪

DOTTINA:

Ralphus?

That's who you got to do your dirty work?

- Is he wearing a cape?

[Warneruses laughing]

[Ralphus mumbles sadly]

♪

- You know, I've always thought that

capes were very slimming. [nervous laugh]

[fiddling]

[crowd chatter]

- Aurelia Severus,

the Gaul Fleet Journal.

Many are claiming that the Senate shutdown

is merely a stunt to distract

from your plummeting approval rating.

- Fraudulent heralding. Next.

- Pompus Acostus, Times New Roman.

- Who keeps letting this guy in?

[fiddling]

- How do you respond to the allegations

you've accepted bribes from the Thracians?

- Tremendous tribespeople,

the Thracians. Good people.

Also, I'm feeding you to the lions.

[whimpering]

- Actually, the fiddle won't be invented

for another 800 years.

You should be playing the lyre.

This episode is barely watchable.

[angry grumbling]

- You know what?

I declare you all enemies of the people.

Guards!

[crowd gasps]

[screaming]

[slam]

RALPHUS:

Duh, Mr. De Niro!

These three won't pay their taxes!

- What!? This is an affront to-- Wait.

Are they members of

an ultra-rich ruling family?

- Uh, no.

- This is an affront to me,

the Emperor himself!

- You're the Emperor?

You look taller in the statues.

- Is that your real hair?

- Are those your real hands?

♪

- Yes. Now--

Ah! Get off!

Yes, I am the great Nero!

I have royal blood on both sides!

Both sides, loyal subjects. You see

playing "Major-General's Song" ♪

I am the very model of

an ancient Roman Emperor ♪

I overspend and overtax

and overthrow my treasurer ♪

I marry family members from

my cousin to my step-sister ♪

I'm always right, I'm never wrong,

just ask this neutral Senator ♪

- Th-that is correct.

- Through sound investigation

by Praetorian inquisitors ♪

My mother and my brother

were revealed to be conspirators ♪

But Mother dear's no longer here,

this bust helps me remember her ♪

I am the very model of

an ancient Roman Emperor ♪

- He fiddles while the city burns,

he rules with fear tyrannical ♪

- He's lazy, brutish, and ill-willed,

he thinks that he's infallible ♪

- His hands are small,

he steals from Gaul,

his writing's ungrammatical ♪

WARNERUSES:

He's making Roma great again,

dogmatic, and fantastical ♪

He's gormless and irascible,

tragic and autocratical ♪

Maniacal and radical,

positions problematical ♪

Takes endless golf sabbaticals,

his tweets are unsyntactical ♪

- Um, we're still talking

about Nero, right?

- He's a narcissist, a petulant,

unscrupulous embezzler ♪

He is the very model of

an ancient Roman Emperor ♪

[growling]

- You know? I'm starting to

think he didn't like our verse.

[roaring]

- Eh. I liked your original

version better anyhow.

- Citizens of Rome!

Nero is pleased to bring you

today's sacrif-- Um,

I mean entirely fair battle!

- I hold the best games.

Billions of citizens gaze

upon my games in wonder.

More than Emperor Caligula.

Plaice faith in my words, subjects,

for they speak of the truth.

Let the games begin!

[crowd cheering]

[growling, snarling]

[roaring]

[meows]

- I guess I'm just a cat person.

[meowing]

[yelling]

[tigers roaring]

- Help! Somebody!

Grab these p*ssy

- Good night, everybody!

- cats! Ow!

[meowing]

[coughs]

- Are you not entertained?

[cheering]

- [grunts] Release the barbarians!

- Your Emperor gives you

the barbarian horde!

[guttural growl]

[as Schwarzenegger]

Portrayals of Germanic peoples

have been problematic for centuries!

Yaaaaaaaargggh!!!

[horde roaring]

I'll hurt you now!

- I got this one, sibs.

[dialing]

Y'ello, Universal Legal Department?

That's right.

Okay, I'm receiving your fax now.

[dial-up modem connects]

I have here a DMCA takedown notice

demanding this unauthorized parody

of Conan The Barbarian

be removed

from this episode immediately.

- Ah, let me peruse.

♪

[sighs] It's watertight.

[disappointed grumbling]

- [growls] Release everything!

- Your Emperor proudly presents

the gladiators of Carthage!

♪

The gladiators of America!

♪

And undisputed SPQR

Greco-Roman wrestling champ,

John Cena!

hip hop music playing ♪

[fireworks popping, crowd cheering]

♪

[hawk screeches]

- Actually, I'm taking a break

from wrestling to try my comedy chops.

[clears throat]

Roman walks into an inn,

holds up two fingers and says,

"Give me five wines." Get it?

[quiet coughing]

What, no good?

- Stay in thy lane, fiend!

- Agreed! Less stand-up, more smackdown!

[crowd cheering]

- Huh? Huh?

- Huh?

- You know, there's more to my

character than just eating stuff.

♪

Oh, fine.

JOHN CENA: Ah!

[rumbling]

[spitting]

[precarious groaning]

So, this Medusa broad has

got to stop objectifying people.

Am I right?

[crash]

[crowd cheering]

[elephant bellows]

CROWD:

Warneruses! Warneruses!

Warneruses!

- Actually, Warnerus is

a second declension noun.

So, the plural for the nominative

case would be Warner--

[screaming]

[tigers roar]

[crowd cheering]

CROWD: Warneruses! Warneruses! Warneruses!

- Huh? Wha? [growls]

♪

- Aw, sweetie.

It's low heat when you're

tumble drying plate mail.

- [grunts] My battle armor still fits.

I have an astonishingly excellent figure.

- Let's just agree on astonishing.

♪

- Ooh! Sword fight!

- About time! This tent-pole sketch

needs an elaborate action set piece.

- Those are very fair swords.

I'm very fair.

Most benevolent and generous.

I speak with veracity.

[klaxon horn blows]

This is very easy for me. I'm very nimble.

Tremendously nimble.

So accurate are my words,

place confidence in them.

[straining]

♪

Oh, uh, rotate your hips through impact.

I'm qualified to give this advice

as I'm an excellent golfer.

The best. Entrust in me your belief.

- Hey, thanks!

- Verily!

[crowd cheering]

[smash]

[groans]

♪

Exile. Not so bad, exile.

Plenty of time to fiddle.

[fiddling]

[fiddling continues]

Gather round, loyal subjects.

Don't we have a tremendous island here?

Much better than the other islands.

Ah!

Ee! Ow! Oh! Ow!

Treachery! Treason!

Insurrection! Impeachment!

[thunder]

Pinky & The Brain theme song ♪

[wheel creaking]

- Gee, Brain,

what do you wanna do tonight?

BRAIN:

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[thunder]

♪

- They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

One is a genius ♪

The other's insane ♪

They're laboratory mice ♪

Their genes have been spliced ♪

They're dinky,

they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪

♪

- Aw, he's so cute!

Aw!

[scribbling]

Huh. That's odd.

I thought I wore my engagement ring

to work today.

[door shuts]

- Finally!

♪

Bleh

[ring clatters]

♪

[beep]

Come, Pinky. This diamond should

be enough to initiate my plan.

Pinky?

[laughing]

Tell me you're not still watching

that ridiculous cartoon.

- [laughing] Oh, but Brain,

these Backwards Gary videos

are my absolute favoritest thing

on the whole "intrenet"! [laughs]

- It's internet!

- Whose net?

- He'll brighten your day,

face the wrong way ♪

Backwards Gary's here to stay! ♪

Backwards Gary, he is here to stay ♪

[footsteps]

[footsteps]

- Um, hello?

[screaming]

Ah!

Ah!

[screaming continues]

[crash]

[laughing]

Ah!

- I don't understand the appeal

of these silly webisodes.

It seems to me like a bunch

of incessant screaming.

- Exactly. Funny screaming.

- No, it is not. Now, turn that off!

We have work to do.

[straining]

Using the crystalline carbon

structure of a diamond,

I have invented a new

form of teleportation.

Unfortunately, only a diamond

of perfect clarity is capable of powering

the machine more than a single time.

[inhale]

♪

Which is why you and I must use this

and travel to the Smithsonian

to steal the Hope Diamond.

Such a magnificent jewel would turn

my humble device from a novelty of science

into a mighty weapon!

Pinky, are you listening to me?

[screaming]

[laughing]

You've had enough screen time.

To the Smithsonian!

[beeping, hissing]

[groaning]

Pinky, when's the last time you bathed?

- Ooh! Stinky Pinky, huh, Brain?

It's Stinky, Stinky and the Brain! ♪

- Lucky for me, we'll only be

in such close proximity

for a few horrible moments.

[screaming]

Ah!

- Narf!

[zap]

♪

[screaming]

GARY:

Ah!

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

♪

[zap]

[clang]

- Zort! Ow.

You know,

traveling in that thing is pretty neat,

but the Wi-Fi was a little spotty.

Also, I didn't love that one part

where I was in agonizing pain

because my body was being

torn into a million pieces.

Was it supposed to feel like that, Brain?

Say, Brain? Brain, where are you?

- Where are you? I'm right here.

- Where? Where is whe-- Where? Where?

- On no. It can't be.

I'm back here

on your back!

- Egad! We're stuck together!

Ooh! What fun.

What should our new name be?

How about Brinky?

Or Prain?

- Gah! I don't understand

how this could've happened.

Perhaps there was a malfunction

in the signal interceptor,

or the entangled photons

GARY: Ah!

Ah!

- Can you please be quiet, Brain?

I'm trying to watch my show.

- Ow!

- Ow!

- You fool. Don't you see?

The teleporter merged the data stream

from your stupid show,

and scrambled our bio signatures!

Narf! Narf!

- Narf!

- Oh no. Our neural pathways

are already intermingling.

If you and I don't get

back to the lab soon,

my worst nightmare will be realized,

and we'll be fused together forever!

- I shall do whatever it

takes to fix this, Brain.

Very quickly and-- Ooh, look!

A 4D-MAX movie about the forest floor!

Ah! [grunts]

- No, Pinky. If we have any hope

of separating ourselves,

we must retrieve the Hope Diamond

to get the teleporter working again!

Come!

Pinky, move.

No, the other way.

PINKY: Righto!

♪

- Keep going. Keep going.

[bang]

[muffled] Stop.

There it is, Pinky.

The Hope Diamond.

Now, to retrieve the diamond

without being noticed.

We must carefully and slowly

Whoa! Ah!

PINKY: Whee!

[clang, alarm blaring]

BRAIN:

Egad! I mean,

Pinky, you heedless half-wit.

Now, I must execute my backup plan!

- Oh? What's that, Brain?

- Backing up!

[glass shattering]

- Ow!

MUSEUM GUARD:

Oh no. Oh, please don't run.

I've been meaning to work out,

but then I went on a cruise

and injured my knee

in a corn-eating contest.

- Run, Pinky!

[laughs]

♪

[sighs]

BRAIN:

Left! Go left! No,

my left, your right!

- I I am? Oh, Brain!

You've never said that to me!

- What?

- Give me a hug, you wonderful mouse!

BRAIN:

What are you doing? Just jump!

- Isn't this-- Ah!

[both groaning]

[groaning continues]

- [grunts] Narf! [groans]

Oh, we need to talk about

your fear of intimacy.

All I asked for was a hug, Brain.

Brain?

[clatter]

[gasps] Oh, look who's

having a little nap. Hm!

Okay, what would Brain

tell me to do in this situation?

[sizzling]

♪

- Pinky? What happened?

[chewing, humming]

- Mm? Oh! You're awake. [gulps]

Well, first, I went to buy a hot dog,

but then I found this

one in the trash. Ah

[chewing]

[vomiting]

But I still had the diamond

burning a hole in my pocket,

so I decided to get

a soft pretzel instead.

- Oh! Soft pretzels!

I love how soft they are!

- Exactly. But,

the pretzel vendor is cash only,

so I came here to get money.

- Brilliant, Pinky!

We can trade the diamond in for a pen.

And with that pen, we can write

a letter to Santa Claus,

and he can help us open

a checking account!

- But, it will need to be

a joint checking account, right?

[maniacal laughter]

[laughter]

- Oh no.

My brain sticks are getting floppy.

[grunts] I mean, my neurological pathways

are being overtaken by yours.

I have to regain control!

[grunts]

- Oh!

BRAIN:

Whoa! [grunts]

♪

[gasps]

Hey, that's my stolen diamond! [grunts]

[straining]

[struggling]

- Ow!

- Quickly, Pinky.

If we have any hope of separating,

you must follow that man!

- That man!

- No, Pinky!

[Pinky groaning]

♪

[grunts]

- Oh boy.

I can't believe I got a whole genuine

Warren G. Harding $40 bill

for that diamond.

- [panting] Brain?

♪

Zort! There it is!

[twang]

- Focus, Pinky. The diamond is over there.

- Ooh!

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

- I think so, Pinky, but can

a relationship with a puppet ever be

BOTH:

No strings attached?

[both laugh]

[banging]

[laughter continues]

- Listen carefully, Pinky,

before my mid-frontal cortex

turns to pudding.

BOTH:

Ooh! Pudding!

- [shaking] No! No!

We must construct

a teleporter to take us back through

the same hole in spacetime

we traveled through before.

Crack open that thing over

there that's all glowed up.

- You mean this neon sign?

- Uh, yes.

Yes, right. That thing.

[grunts]

[straining]

[screaming]

♪

Excellent. Now, we need tungsten

from those Faulex watches.

- Oh! To do the thing

with the things?

- Exactly!

[grunts]

[whirring, zap]

Finally!

We need something resembling

a reflector dish to

you know, reflect it.

- Oh! How about this!

- Egad, perfect!

Turn the plate so the beam

boinks until it blunks!

- Huh?

[both screaming]

[panting]

[grunts]

[zap]

- Just one last thing.

[as Pinky]:

Ooh! A shiny!

- You know, Brain, for the first time,

I feel like we truly

understand each other.

- [normal accent]:

Right back at you, Plompers!

[zap, whirring]

♪

- Ah!

- Now, jump!

[both yelling]

[zapping]

[grunting]

We did it. Our consciousnesses

have been uncoupled,

and our physical forms appear unscathed.

- Are you still pondering

what I'm pondering?

- Thankfully no.

Come, Pinky.

We must prepare for tomorrow night.

- Why, Brain? What are we

gonna do tomorrow night?

- The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[Gary screaming]

- Now, it's time for Wakko's short shorts.

♪

[beeping]

- Whaddya you got there, baby bro?

- It's only the top-selling,

highest-dopamine-releasing,

biggest and best squad-based MMO,

PVP game ever!

"Two Weeks II: Twotal Twomoil"!

- [chuckles] Kids.

[movie playing on TV]

[beeping]

- Come on, come on.

game music playing ♪

[groans]

music continues ♪

[beeping]

[growls]

[beeping]

[gasp]

game music playing ♪

[grumbling]

[beeping]

[groans]

♪

[beeping]

[groaning]

Come on

[beeping]

musical score plays on TV ♪

- That extended director's cut of Gandhi

really picked up steam

in the seventh hour.

[yawns] Well, good night, baby bro.

Don't have too much fun.

[beeping]

video game music playing ♪

[gasps]

[beep]

[groans]

[beeping]

[growls]

[beeping]

[crickets chirping]

♪

[panting]

- "Hereby declaring your

firstborn the legal property

of the software provider in perpetuity"?

Oh, that's fine.

We can't have children anyway.

We're like mules.

video game music playing ♪

[rumbling]

[beeping]

Ah!

♪

[beeping]

[wind blowing]

♪

[bell ring]

How's it looking, Dr. Bonezo?

- 'Tis close, young Wakko!

I can feel it in my bones!

♪

[beeping]

[beep]

[laughing]

- It's done! It's finally done!

video game music playing ♪

♪

Ooh! Pug Archer! I heard there's a level

where you get your head

stuck in a potato chip bag,

and then freak out

and throw up in a plant!

♪

[beeping]

[expl*si*n]

♪

♪