02x11 - A Brief History of History/The Incredible Gnome in People's Mouths: "Gerard"/The Prisoner's Dilemma/Math-terpie

[bunniefuu]

theme song playing ♪

- It's time for Animaniacs! ♪

And we're zany to the max ♪

So just sit back and relax ♪

You'll laugh till you collapse ♪

We're Animaniacs! ♪

- Come join the Warner Brothers ♪

- And the Warner Sister Dot ♪

Just for fun, we run around

the Warner movie lot ♪

They lock us in the tower

whenever we get caught ♪

But we break loose and then vamoose

and now you know the plot ♪

We're Animaniacs ♪

Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪

Wakko packs away the snacks ♪

Our careers have made comebacks ♪

We're Animaniacs! ♪

Meet Pinky and the Brain

who want to rule the universe ♪

A brand new cast who tested well

in focus group research ♪

Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪

And ethnically diverse ♪

The trolls will say we're so passé,

but we did meta first ♪

We're Animaniacs ♪

You should see our new contracts ♪

We're zany to the max,

there's baloney in our slacks ♪

We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪

- Mirage arcane-y ♪

- Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪

♪

♪

[shaking, clattering]

- Ah! Snake eyes!

- Yeah, that means you

married your prom date

and you both shop for

jeans at the grocery store.

- But I never got to live abroad!

Or try stand-up comedy!

- And you never will.

- That's why they call it settling!

[rumbling]

[screaming]

[crashing]

intimidating music ♪

[whirring]

[clicking]

[beeping]

[alien noises]

- You know, this would be scarier

if we hadn't already done aliens

twice this season.

[beep]

- Sorry about that.

Are you the one they call

The Yak?

- It's Yakk-O.

And it depends who's asking,

four plus four plus four eyes.

- We hear you are best at

condensing complex information

into catchy jingles.

- Well, maybe not the best

But yeah, objectively the best.

You heard right.

- What is everything about Earth? Please.

- Everything about Earth!?

♪

Uh

[sighs] Okay.

Well, I'm gonna need a 92-piece orchestra

and a lukewarm green tea

with lemon and honey.

[snap]

[whirring, zap]

I said luke warm!

Luke!

[snap]

[zap]

That's more like it.

Maestro, if you please.

At first there was nothingness,

then some unknown process ♪

Lead to a great big expl*si*n ♪

The universe grew

from a subatomic stew ♪

Of quarks, gluons, plasmas, and bosons ♪

Then gas and dust settled

on hot cores of metal ♪

And one of these

cores was called Earth ♪

It was covered with goop,

a primordial soup ♪

From which all of Earth's

life was then birthed ♪

At first, single cells,

some swam or grew shells ♪

Still others evolved to hunt prey ♪

Some hid in the sand,

some crawled onto land ♪

So life, well, life found a way ♪

- Uh, we already did this bit.

Uh huh, in the pilot. Mm-hmm.

- There were mosses and gymnosperms,

seven-foot-long earthworms ♪

Huge dragonflies ruled the sky ♪

Amphibians, cephalopods,

pedallers both bi- and quad- ♪

Reptiles started to fly ♪

We had lizards grow big and small,

mammals not big at all ♪

Sharks were the size of a house ♪

Then, one little meteor

k*lled all the dinosaurs ♪

So, we evolved from a mouse ♪

8,000 BC, Creation Theory ♪

Would dictate the song

should start here ♪

Though most of our herd

agree it's absurd ♪

Some teach it in place

of Shakespeare ♪

Let's skip evolution,

there're two revolutions ♪

Agriculture took us to towns ♪

Humans learned to grow wheat,

got all fat, loved to eat ♪

Stopped walking and just settled down ♪

Industrial next, its major effect ♪

To take us from towns to the city ♪

We mined coals and built trains,

machines plowed our grains ♪

And we treated the workers real shi-- ♪

- How many more of your Earth

seconds is this going to take?

- Well-timed interruption.

Almost there, I promise!

We recorded some tunes,

put a man on the moon ♪

Fought more wars

than we care to recount ♪

Sent the Phoenix to Mars,

built electric cars ♪

And polluted a shocking amount ♪

Skipping to now,

we survived, not sure how ♪

It's getting real hard to keep track ♪

[inhales deeply]

There's Wikipedia, smartphones,

tablets, unmanned drones ♪

Pick your own genomes,

ride-sharing, sheep clones ♪

Earthquakes and cyclones,

valleys of Silicone ♪

Gluten-free vegan scones,

temperature milestones ♪

Keystones and sword thrones,

high-interest payday loans ♪

Cyclists' testosterone,

and everything Musk owns ♪

But at least now us Warners are ♪

Back! ♪

We are back, baby!

♪

[clapping]

- You have been most helpful, The Yak.

- Yes. While we absorb the essence

of all species on your planet,

we will ensure your carbon atoms

are re-purposed for only

the highest quality nutrient paste.

[slurping]

♪

- Joke's on them!

We aren't even a species!

NARRATOR: CEO Michael Benton.

[applause]

Silicon Valley venture capitalist,

egomaniac,

searching for everlasting life.

Then, a freak accident transforms

his biological makeup

[fizzling, boom]

turning him into an angry gnome.

[yelling]

The creature is driven by rage

[yelling]

and must now live in people's mouths

- Who do you think you are,

bullying somebody around!?

NARRATOR: and speak for them when

they cannot speak for themselves.

- You're just waiting around

for the clock to tick!

[car rumbling]

♪

[roar]

NARRATOR: He is

The Incredible Gnome In People's Mouths.

♪

- Oh What?

Where's my pudding?

[slurping]

Hey! Uh That's my pudding!

- I don't see your name on it.

Besides, it's just butterscotch.

You probably wouldn't even like it.

Don't want you getting cavities.

Bad for your teeth.

- Hey! Uh Oh

[gagging, grunting]

- Hey! Get your hands off that pudding!

[screaming]

Don't you know how to respect

your elders and their puddings?

Lemme talk to your supervisor!

♪

- Now, I'm sure if we just talk calmly

about what happened.

- The time for calm

talking has passed, sister!

She boosted that butterscotch

right out from under

that baby boy's booger box!

- I'm sorry!

I have low blood sugar,

and I don't get a lunch break.

So, I get irritable.

- You're irritable!?

I'm stuck in this old man's mouth,

and he quit brushing in 1972!

I know your job is hard,

but you can't lash out

by pilfering pudding! And you

I wonder how the governor

would feel about your blatant disregard

of the revised California labor laws,

section 22 G, requiring lunch breaks

for all employees whose

shifts exceed seven hours!

- Oh, I-I'm sure we can resolve this.

♪

- Someone stole all the corner pieces!

- Hold on one minute, Mrs. Miller.

I'm on my lunch break.

[slurp]

[grunting]

- You're welcome!

[laughing]

- Help!

[rumbling]

[grunts]

- Hm!

[revving]

[tire screech]

[laughing]

- I wonder where he'll go next.

- I suppose wherever

there's a helpless person

whose problems can be

solved by violent screaming

and reckless intimidation.

♪

[thunder]

Pinky & The Brain theme ♪

- Gee, Brain,

what do you wanna do tonight?

- The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[thunder]

♪

- They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

One is a genius ♪

The other's insane ♪

They're laboratory mice ♪

Their genes have been spliced ♪

They're dinky,

they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪

♪

[typing, beeping]

- Oh. [grunts]

How much longer do

I have to hold this, Brain?

[grunts] It's almost

a quarter to 11:00! [gasps]

It's way past my lunchtime already.

[groans]

- Patience, Pinky. I am attempting

to hack into the control

unit for this traffic light.

- Oh! Are we going to throw

a traffic light party?

Well, I shall have to

wear yellow because

[typing, beeping]

It's complicated.

- We have no time to carouse, Pinky.

I'm working on a scheme to triple

the length of every red light

on Earth, causing mankind

to go insane with road rage,

paving the way for me to seize control

of a world torn asunder!

[beep]

Ha!

[buzz]

[tires screech]

[cars honking]

- Gah!

Come on!

[honking]

I'm late for my anger management class!

[cars honking]

- Ha! You see? It's working!

[bike approaching, brakes squeal]

♪

[coughing]

Pinky! [cough]

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

- [woozy]: I think so, Brain,

but if the house is pickles,

who would horse the hose down?

Ah! I've got you by the gills now,

Wet Gregory!

♪

[gasps]

♪

MAN:

Fine weather we're having.

- Fine weather we're having.

- Fine weather we're having.

- Fine weather we're having.

[gasps]

[bicycle clicking]

- Pinky, wake up. We've been mouse-napped.

- Well, I've was been napping,

until you waked me up.

- We must escape this

horrendous place at once.

Looks like Wes Anderson had

a seizure at Brooks Brothers.

♪

- Sorry. There's no way out.

Except by ferry,

but that won't come

until tomorrow at 8:30 AM.

It's always a pleasure to meet

two fellow super-villains.

I am Dr. Doppler.

- Fellow super-villains?

You think I'm super?

Well, I'm flattered, honestly, but

No, no. I want answers, Doppler.

Where have you brought us?

- Why, this

is Dopplerville!

A super-duper

super-villain island retreat,

where my hench-people and hench-sheeple

can live and work together

to harness the weather

and create global chaos!

[zap]

[evil laugh]

Why? Do you not have

a super-duper super-villain

island retreat?

- Um, of course I do.

- [laughs] No, you don't!

- Well, I have a lab. Though,

I guess it's not technically my lab.

- It's a cage!

- It's more of a rental space,

but it keeps overhead low.

- It's got a major rodent problem!

[grunts]

DOPPLER: I see.

Well, if everything goes

according to my plan,

you'll be out of that

rusty rat trap faster than

a winter cold front.

Now then, why don't we let

your weary selves sit a bit?

- Ooh!

I haven't seen so much food

since a second ago

when I saw all this food

for the first time! [laughs]

Do you mind if I have some?

I still haven't had lunch!

- Yes, of course!

Help yourself to some refreshments

while I introduce the others.

Here, on my left,

we have my right-hand woman,

Mrs. Kettle.

Her Yorkshire pudding recipe

is to die for. Literally.

- Ah!

- Next, we have Phoenicia Leatherpants,

a skilled stunt pilot

who's the scourge of the skies.

[grunts]

Baldo Billions,

famously bald American businessman.

His corporation,

[giggling]

CRUELCO, maximizes profits

and pain.

[grunts]

- Enough small talk, Doppler!

Why have you brought

us all to this island?

More importantly,

what's the Wi-Fi password?

- It's "Doppler," but the O is a zero.

- I have spent years

toiling in solitude.

Hurricane Randy,

Typhoon Mary, Karl the Fog

Each of them, my precious creation.

But alas, none have had the power to cause

long-lasting destruction.

That is why I decided to assemble

the best and brightest villains

this wondrous,

thunderous world has ever known!

♪

With our powers combined,

we can conquer the planet

and split the spoils.

Here's what I propose.

[hissing]

Using my ingenious weather technology,

Phoenicia will the seed the clouds

from her aeroplane,

creating the perfect conditions

[sprinkling]

for a massive hailstorm.

Then, Mrs. Kettle shall

activate my patented

Dr. Doppler Doomsday Device.

[squeaking, whistling]

It will produce a powerful storm,

unleashing the largest

hailstones ever recorded.

ALL:

Ooh.

DOPPLER: Once the buildings

of every major city are destroyed,

they will turn to Mr. Billion's

CRUELCO Construction to rebuild,

making us trillionaires

and de facto rulers

over a crushed world.

[panting]

[cheering]

- And what, may I ask,

is my contribution in all of this?

- You, Mr. Brain,

have the most important task of all.

[sighs]

You will climb

hundreds of meters into the sky,

battling high winds and other

fantastically adverse

weather conditions

- Naturally.

DOPPLER: until, finally

you press the little red button

that opens the giant umbrella over

my beloved Dopplerville.

BRAIN: Wait, that's it?

All I'm supposed to do

is open an umbrella?

- But, of course!

You're the only one who's

teensy weensy enough to do it!

[grunting]

Now, who wants

to see if they can outrun a tornado?

[laughs]

[excited chatter]

[splattering]

- Ha!

Ah

BRAIN:

This is ridiculous, Pinky.

I must prove to Dad-- I mean, Dr. Doppler,

that I am worthy of his respect

and utmost confidence.

[rumbling]

Oh!

- And how will you do that, Brain?

Oh, please say dance off,

please say dance off.

- No, Pinky. I will showcase

my ample talents

and prodigious genius

by neutralizing them.

[laughter]

- Say no more, Brain. I'll make

an appointment with the vet.

♪

BRAIN:

You're just in time, Pinky.

With a drop of this tincture

in Baldo's coffee,

his businesses won't be the only

thing sh**ting raw sewage

into the nation's water supply.

Watch me strike first

in this w*r of wills.

- Ooh! My money's on Will Smith.

Or maybe Will Ferrell?

No, no. Smith to win it all!

[grunts]

- Quiet, Pinky.

Both because we have to be stealthy,

and because you're an idiot.

♪

[groans]

[crash]

What in the world?

- Oh dear. He's got himself into

quite a pickle, hasn't he?

Ugh! I would k*ll for a pickle right now.

[gasps] There's one!

- [sighs] Come, Pinky.

Things are getting interesting.

It appears, in this game,

I'm not just playing with myself.

- [Yakko voice]:

Good night, everybody!

[normal]:

[laugh] I did it! I crossed over!

- Quick! There's no time to lose!

♪

Listen carefully, Pinky.

If Mrs. Kettle took down Baldo Billions,

we must put her out of commission

before she does the same to us.

Every day, Mrs. Kettle dusts

the busts in the great hall.

I will make her slip

and fracture her spine

by covering all 3,240 square feet

of hardwood floors

with 1,200 sticks of butter.

- Oh, sure.

When we need 1,200 sticks

of butter for your thing

[clank, whirring]

BOTH:

Ah!

♪

- Egad, Brain! She's frozen.

Like Jack Dawson in Titanic.

Or Jack Nicholson in The Shining!

Or Jack Frost in Michael Keaton!

- If Mrs. Kettle has been eliminated,

[squeaking, sliding]

that means my adversary must be

[thud]

Phoenicia, the aviatrix!

Quickly, Pinky,

before she takes to the skies!

[plane rumbling]

Phoenicia! I know it was you!

You may have dispatched the others,

[muffled]:

but you won't get rid of me that easily!

For I am the Brain, the cleverest

and shrewdest mastermind

[muffled]:

in the world!

- What!? I can't hear you!

You're gonna have to come closer!

[plane rumbling]

Eh, forget it.

[plane roaring]

[zooming overhead]

♪

[plane sputtering]

[expl*si*n]

- Yeah! Egad, Brain, you did it! [laughs]

You showed those rotten

evil-doers what's what!

- But, I didn't, Pinky.

I didn't do anything to anybody.

DOPPLER:

You tried your fuzzy-scuzzy best,

but there was someone even more devious

and dastardly than you.

Someone who created

a torrent of torment!

[beep]

[clang]

- Narf!

- Ah! [grunts]

[crash]

[groaning]

[static]

- Ooh, you poor thing.

I can't believe you haven't eaten all day.

- Narf!

[bang]

- Oh my!

[click]

[muffled banging]

[muffled]: Hey! Let me out!

[static]

[glugging]

[shaking]

[boom]

[sizzling]

- Narf.

I'm sorry. It was an accident!

I was just hungry!

- Hungry for power!

[laughing]

Pinky, you're the most maniacal madman

this side of the Gulf Stream!

I want the two of us

to rule the world together!

- This is ridiculous!

Pinky's not a super-villain.

I'm the brains of the operation!

My name is literally The Brain.

How much more clear-cut can you get?

- Oh! Let's celebrate our new partnership

with some ittle-biddle vittles, shall we?

[unicycle squeaking]

- Pinky, don't you dare!

- Oh, I'm sorry, Brain,

but I'm so hungry,

my body is eating itself up,

and I don't taste very good! Ah!

[chomp]

♪

- Can you pass a biscuit?

- Sure, but it might take me 24 hours.

[laughing]

- Oh, Pinky!

You are quite the cut-up.

Let's toast with some bubbly.

[straining]

[pop]

Oh!

[screaming]

[splash]

[gasps]

- Well done, Pinky!

Maybe you are an evil genius.

Was that your plan all along?

- What's a plan?

- Right. Well, at any rate,

Dr. Doppler's doomsday device

is now ours for the taking.

[squeak]

[straining]

[both yell]

[spinning]

♪

[pumping, whistle]

[thunder, wind howling]

[screaming]

[maniacal laugh]

It's working! It's working!

[smashing]

PINKY: Ah!

BRAIN: No, wait!

I never put up the umbrella!

[smashing]

[Brain screaming, Pinky laughing]

- Fine weather we're having!

[smash]

[wind stops]

♪

- It just goes to show you, Brain.

There are no small parts.

Only small packages.

No, wait. Good things come with tiny,

easy to swallow parts.

No, no, that's not it.

- Come, Pinky. We must go back to the lab

to prepare for tomorrow night.

- Why, Brain? What are we

going to do tomorrow night?

- The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the--

[smash, cracking]

world

[thud]

♪

[panting]

- See? I knew Jack and Rose

could have both made it.

♪

♪

- Good evening, and welcome to

Math-terpiece Theater.

Tonight, a community torn apart by greed.

A forbidden love blossoms,

perhaps for the last time.

A meditation on capitalism, if you will.

[coughing, hacking]

A beach ball at the store usually costs

$5.50.

This week, the store sells the beach ball

for $3.25.

How much money will Carlos save

if he buys one beach ball?

♪

[zombie chatter, groaning]

[muffled wailing]

- I'm scared!

- We're gonna be okay, baby.

They-they look more worked

up than they really are.

[smash]

[screaming]

[growling]

Carlos! Is that you?

[growls]

- Save yourself!

Ah!

[screaming]

[clattering, smashing]

[squeaking]

[growl]

♪

[evil laughter]

[bones cracking]

[crackling]

- Carlos, please, get a hold of yourself!

It's not worth it!

You're only saving--

$2.25.

[chalk scraping]

- Oh, the humanity.

[glass shattering]

[screaming outside]

NARRATOR:

Next time, on Math-terpiece Theater

♪

- I need six rubber bands

for each puppet I build,

and I need to build seven puppets.

How many rubber bands will I need?

CREEPY VOICE [muffled]:

Six times seven is 42.

- Ah! Who said that?

horror music ♪

♪