04x10 - San Francisco Caper

[bunniefuu]

I'm not the kind to kiss and tell,
but I've been seen with fire up.

I've never been with anything less than a
nine.

So fine.

I've been on fire with Sally Field and
gone past with a girl named Bo.

But somehow they just don't end up as
mine.

It's a death defying life I lead.

I take my chances.

I die for livin' in the movies and TV.

But the hardest thing I
ever do is watch my leading

ladies kiss some other guy
while I'm bandaging my knee.

And

Redford's such a star.

I've

never spent much time in school,
but I've taught ladies plenty.

It's true, I hire my body out from pay.

Hey, hey!

I've gotten burned over Cheryl Teague's
blown up for Rocky and Welch.

But when I wind up in the hay,
it's only hay.

Hey, hey!

I might jump an open
drawbridge or Tarzan from a pen.

It makes Eastwood look so fine.

In San Francisco.

High on a hill.

It calls.

It calls.

To me.

To be well.

Little cable car.

Climb halfway.

Once the morning falls.

May chill the air
of waves there.

In San Francisco.

Above the...

And windy sea.

You know, I don't know if you're more
charming on screen or off.

Any time you'd like to find out,
you're more than welcome.

Hey, sounds good.

Hi, Phil.

Hey, Colt.

Go away, Colt.

I can't wait to see that stunt.

It's really nice to know
that my fans are going

to see Philip Morgan at
his swashbuckling best.

Don't worry, nobody will be able to tell
us apart.

Except for the bruises after Colt
finishes.

Right.

Dad!

Linda, my goodness!

Hi!

Linda!

Colt!

I can't believe how you've grown.

I mean, last time I saw you, you were just
a little girl.

You're even more handsome than I remember,
Colt.

Oh, Linda, this is my cousin, Howie
Munson.

And this is Jody Banks.

I've heard Colt talk about you,
but I always pictured you as being 13.

Well, I couldn't stay 13 forever.

Let's hear it for the growing process.

I am going to k*ll my secretary.

She didn't even tell me you were coming.

Just thought I'd pop over.

She goes to school a thousand miles from
here.

That's hardly what I would call popping
over.

How could I resist the
chance to be with two

of the most charismatic
men in the world?

Uh, excuse me.

You always were very impetuous.

Very much like your beautiful mother.

You hungry?

I'm starved.

All right, I'll order something nice for
you that you'll enjoy.

You have a ball for the rest of the day.

Then you can catch the midnight flyer back
to Denver tonight.

Tonight?

Gee, I had the feeling Linda wanted to
stay with her dad for a few days.

It's too bad she has to take a little
break.

Never underestimate the power of little
girls, Howie.

That's where they get their training to be
women.

Okay.

Colt, they're ready for the stunt!

Now tell me, what was it you whispered to
Colt?

Oh, I just told him what I wanted for
Christmas this year.

Oh.

Oh, Colt!

It's all right, huh?

You know, I'm going to pretend I didn't
hear what you whispered in my ear.

Uh-oh, Terry.

Aha!

You are not getting away from me this
time.

I've tried for a solid week to get a hold
of you.

I've returned every one of your phone
calls and left word every time.

I know.

I'm beginning to think our answering
machines are carrying on.

Well, golly gosh, wow, if Terry
flew all the way out from L.A.

, it must be important.

It is.

Well, don't you want to hear about it?

Do I have a choice?

Of course not.

Okay, I'll hear it.

Two months ago, a San Francisco
billionaire...

businessman named Gerald Westfall had his
house broken into.

A diamond worth one million dollars was
the only item taken.

Oh, at least the thief had good taste.

At least the thief also worked for
Westfall's company...

until Westfall found out that he was an ex
-con and fired him.

His name is Russell Talley.

Now, Talley got even with Westfall by
stealing the diamond.

The cops found prints all over the safe.

They caught up with him a little bit later
in L.A., and they arrested him.

Did they recover the diamond?

No, they didn't, but Talley had on him $50
,000, so apparently he fenced it.

Where's Talley now?

I just got a tip.

He's in San Francisco at a hotel called
the Green Lantern.

Colt, I have got to get this guy back.

I'm going to be out a lot of money.

I'm not interested.

Let me at her, Colt.

I have a feeling she's desperate.

Think you can handle it?

Have you ever seen a shark when there's
blood in the water?

$5,000.

You've got it.

Wait, wait, wait just a minute.

I think I got her back against the wall.

$12,000.

$12,000?

That's ridiculous.

$10,000.

$11,000.

You drive a hard bargain.

I feel like your agent.

That was some negotiating, kid.

I don't think she knew what hit her.

Yeah.

Terry, that'll be $20,000,


expenses, plus damages
to the vehicle, if any.

Colt, that's highway robbery.

I'll call a cop.

All right, all right.

Deal.

Deal.

$20,000.

I was willing to go $30,000.

How'd you get in here?

You're the one that showed me how to
bypass the alarm system.

Remember Mr. Westphal?

What do you want from me?

$50,000.

I already paid you $50,000.

Look, Westphal, I ran into hard times in
LA.

I got busted.

You were supposed to get arrested to make
it convincing to the insurance company.

That was part of the plan.

The police caught me before I wanted them
to.

I didn't have time to stash the money.

It confiscated everything.

That's your problem, not mine.

Unfortunately, Westphal, it is your
problem.

I'm sorry.

You see, I can go to the police and tell
them how it really went down.

This is blackmail.

That's part of the plot, isn't it?

Robbery?

Insurance fraud?

I'll deny everything to the police.

They take the word of a respectable
businessman over that of an ex-con.

Mr. Westphal, you give me $50,000.

Or you can do something more precious than
your money.

What are you gonna do?

sh**t me?

I know you too well, Talley.

You're a two-bit con man.

You're no k*ller.

But I am.

Who the hell are you?

He's a pal of mine.

Eddie Decater.

Eddie and I served time in LA together.

He skipped bail.

Second degree m*rder.

Cut a man's throat.

You gave me no choice.

You wouldn't listen to reason.

There's no way I can come up with that
kind of money.

I'll need time.

We're reasonable men.

We'll keep you till tomorrow.

I thought you were going to watch him
sh**t.

You know, Colt, I didn't come out here
just to see my father.

Oh?

Colt, you remember when I was just a kid,
you told me if I wanted something badly

enough in life, I just had to reach for
it.

I love you, Colt.

I've always loved you.

Nothing can keep us apart anymore.

Linda, and you can wipe that smile off
your face.

It was just a little childish enthusiasm.

You're not a child anymore.

And neither am I.

Or hasn't anyone noticed?

Well, I noticed it.

Don't answer that one.

In fact, I'll be 18 in less than a month.

Lauren Bacall was just a teenager when she
met Bogey.

You know how to whistle, don't you?

You pucker up.

Linda, you and I are going to have to have
a little talk when I get back.

Where are you going?

San Francisco.

We have to pick up somebody across the
bay.

Oh, Colt, take me with you.

I can't think of anything more romantic.

Linda, this is dangerous work.

And you should be spending more time with
your father.

My father doesn't want to see me.

He's got himself locked up in his
motorhome studying his lines.

Please, Colt, I promise I won't be any
trouble.

Linda, it's impossible.

You

know, Colt, I've been doing some thinking
about Linda's attraction to you.

Freud would have had a field day with it.

Yeah, how so?

Well, in actuality, it's not you that she
wants.

You're just a substitute
for her father's affection,

which she obviously didn't
get enough of in her childhood.

As a result, she's developed this thing
for older guys.

My guess is her enchantment
for you will fade just as soon

as she latches on to somebody
a little closer to her own age.

Oh, much closer to your age.

Me?

Come on, Colt.

I'm sure Linda's cute.

Got great personality.

I have to admit, she's got a body like a
Roman goddess.

There's a certain disarming innocence
about her.

A wonderful lilting quality to her voice
when she sort of gets...

Come on, you don't seriously think that
I'd be attracted to Linda, do you?

Why would I ever think of that?

Are you Russell Talley?

Who's asking?

Colt Seavers.

Come on, we're going to L.A.

Relax, pal.

Nobody's going to L.A.

Back off.

Get in the car.

Let's get at it.

Who is that goon with Talley?

I don't know, but he's not Mr.
Congeniality.

I didn't hear anything.

So long, stiff.

Do it in there.

Thanks to you, we just lost the bail
jumper.

I'm so sorry, Colt.

I would never do anything to make trouble
for you.

Please forgive me.

Hello, Mr. Westfall's residence.

This is Colt Seavers calling.

Is Mr. Westfall in?

All I wanted is to be with Colt.

I didn't mean to mess things up.

Honestly.

Who's that Colt's talking to?

That's our only lead.

Well, there's no way we're going to see
Westfall today.

Service said he just got back from Europe
and he's not seeing anybody until tomorrow.

Guess all we can do is try to find a motel
to stay until then.

Sounds like a good idea to me.

I'll get Phil on the phone.

Oh, Colt, please don't send me back.

Look, you're going to get on the phone
with your father.

And you're going to tell him that you're
all right.

And Howie and I are going to put you on a
bus to Denver.

Colt's absolutely right, Linda.

There's no telling what could happen when
we're out after a skip.

It's certainly no place for a girl like
you.

Attractive.

Innocent.

Sensitive.

Hello?

Is Phil Morgan there, please?

He did?

Could you tell the director
that Colt Seavers is going to

be staying at the Green
Lantern Motel in San Francisco?

Well, okay.

Thanks.

They changed the schedule.

He took off for two days.

Without Linda?

I'd like to get a couple of rooms,
please.

Would you like the Purple Passion Room?

Border beds?

Movies?

Mirrors?

Heart-shaped bed?

Just a single room would be fine.

And a room with twin beds for me and my
cousin.

Your cousin?

I'm his niece.

It's all right.

My dad knows about it.

Right.

Nothing like a little vacation with the
family.

Oh!

This is your lucky day.

I've got two adjoining rooms.

That'll be fine.

Right.

And if the room on the other side of you
opens up, I'll save it.

For the in-laws.

Thanks.

You're home early, Jody.

Heard anything from Colt?

Nothing that you want to hear.

Tally got away?

For the second time.

I'm gonna have to call Colt tomorrow.

On top of everything else, he's got this
teenager who's swooning at his feet.

What are you talking about?

Well, you know Phil Morgan's daughter?

She was on the set the other day.

You see her?

Oh, yeah.

That pretty little girl.

Dear diary, it's like a dream come true.

Being with my beloved Colt in San
Francisco.

Pretty?

Yes.

Little, I'm not so sure about.

She, um, stowed away in the back of Colt's
truck.

And now she's up there with him in San
Francisco.

Colt's supposed to
be chasing after a bail

jumper, not babysitting
some lovesick teenybopper.

When I realize he's only lying just a few
feet away from me in the next room,

my heart starts to race.

My pulse pounds with anticipation.

My lips still feel that kiss I stole.

I know there'll never be anyone else for
me.

You know, if we're gonna talk crushes...

When we were adding a back room to the
house, there was this workman,

and he had the brains of a caterpillar,
but, oh, what a hunk.

And I pretended that I
wanted to learn how to

lay carpet, so I could
get close to the guy.

Well, at least we had the sense not to let
anything get out of hand.

You're right.

Colt's in big trouble.

Sooner or later, I just know he'll break
down.

In fact, I bet he's thinking about me
right now.

Hmm.

Did you, uh...

Did you notice how she looked at me when
we showed her to her room?

No, I never noticed.

Well, all I can say
is that I think she's

just about cured of
her infatuation for you.

Yeah, well, let's hope so.

Only problem is...

I think she's fallen for me.

Crazy kid.

I'll just have to find some way to let her
down easy.

Good morning, everybody.

It's a beautiful day here in the Bay Area.

How about some rock and roll to wake you
up?

Take it easy on those roads out there,
and thanks for bringing us along.

Every time I think of you I always catch
my breath And I'm still standing here...

Your shirt fits great, Colt.

Good.

Where's Howie?

He's rounding up some coffee.

Hmm, I could show you some.

How'd you sleep last night?

Alone.

That's not what I meant.

Actually, I didn't sleep a wink.

I just sat up and thought about you all
night.

Why don't you face it, Colt?

We were meant for each other.

Like Romeo and Juliet, or Tristan and
Isolde.

Mark Antony and Cleopatra.

Like John and Bo Derek.

Linda, look.

Just because you have outward signs of being
a woman, that doesn't make you a woman.

But I know it could.

Listen, if your father heard you talk like
that...

Oh, my father, he's a great example.

Since my mother died, he's had more girls
on his lap than Santa Claus.

He loved your mother very much.

He also loves you very much, too.

Yeah, that's why he keeps as much distance
between us as he can.

Look, it's his work.

Acting is important to him.

Will you stop this?

Yeah, and I know how important I am,
too.

That's why he ditched me.

Kid, come here.

Get that look off your face.

Here you go, Linda.

Hey.

Your shirt fits great, Colt.

I guess I'll get dressed.

Okay.

I don't think it's a
coincidence that Tally returned

the same time that Westfall
came back from Europe.

You think he's here for revenge?

Maybe.

Would you keep an eye on Cleopatra?

I'm sure she doesn't get in any more
trouble.

Sure thing.

Hurry up, will you?

We've got this bounty hunter after us.

We want to get out of town as soon as we
can.

It doesn't feel like 50,000 to me.

There's almost 25,000 there.

It's all I could get my hands on.

Come on, you got a million from the
insurance company.

Now you're trying to tell us you're broke.

I used the insurance money to save my
business.

I don't have any more cash.

All my money is tied up at this house.

Well, we'll just have to find a way to
untie it, won't we?

That's impossible.

How about the diamond?

I can't sell that.

It's supposed to be stolen.

You can sell it if you know the right
people.

You know, we get the right fence,
we could get 200 grand for that diamond.

It's worth a million dollars.

Not anymore, it's not.

We'll take our share.

Let's say half for our trouble.

You can have the rest.

Uh-uh.

Three ways.

Yes?

Tell them I'll be there in a minute.

There's a Colt Seavers at the gate who
wants to ask me a few questions about you.

That's that bounty hunter.

We'll slip out the back.

If we don't get rid of this bounty hunter,
we're all gonna regret it.

We'll be waiting for him when he comes
out.

Oh.

It's nothing.

Just a little poetry.

Poetry?

May I?

Well, actually, I'm not...

Her love was as fragile as a rose,
freshly blossomed in the dawn.

So young and yet so full of life,
he knew it was her heart he won.

Howie, that's beautiful.

Can I confide in you?

Well, sure.

Is there something special on your mind?

You bet there is.

I think I've come to my senses.

Oh, you mean with your relationship with
Colt?

That's right.

I knew it.

I told him so.

I said Colt.

This is only a matter of time.

I can't believe I've been so stupid.

Hey, everybody makes mistakes.

And you know what made me see the light?

What?

You, Howie.

I know.

I could see it coming.

When I saw the loyalty that you showed
Colt in the last 24 hours, I knew that was

the way to win the heart of the man I
love.

You're really something.

What can I say?

I'm flattered.

You ought to be.

It was you who made me
realize that I have to prove my

love for Colt before he'll
accept me as his one and only.

So you have no idea why Tally would show
up in San Francisco?

I'll tell you the possibility that scares
the hell out of me.

That he's on some kind of personal
vendetta.

Maybe he wasn't after a diamond at all.

Maybe he just wants me.

Maybe there's something valuable here he
missed the first time.

Nothing but the diamond.

It represented half my net worth.

I wish I could give you more time,
Mr. Seavers, but I've just come back from

Europe, and I've got two months of
business to catch up on.

Oh, one more question.

This Tally, how bright a guy is he?

Look at his work record.

Not exactly an intellectual powerhouse.

But he managed to bypass the most
sophisticated security system on the market.

I really must be getting back to work.

Good day, Mr. Seavers.

Thank you.

Confirms my theory
about his returning to San

Francisco had something
to do with Westfall.

Well, obviously he and his accomplices had
Westfall's house staked out.

Yeah, but what bothers me is what were
they waiting for?

If they wanted Westfall
or something in that house,

you'd think they'd have
gotten to him before I did.

But one thing's for sure.

We've got to find Tally before he finds us
again.

Oh, Colt, if anything ever happened to
you, there'd be no reason to go on living.

Now, will you get that schoolgirl crush
out of your head once and for all?

It's no schoolgirl crush.

It's the real thing.

Linda, I am old enough to be your... older
brother.

Of course I love you, but not in the way
you want me to.

How do you know it until you've tried it?

Now, one more
comment like that, and I'm

going to turn you over
my knee and spank you.

I just love it when you're authoritative.

And you are going to stay right here.

Right here until Howie and I get back.

Understood?

Yes, my prince.

You sure this is the place we're looking
for?

Yep.

How's the fortune teller going to help us
find Tally?

Come on, kid, have a little faith.

Don't tell him.

We're looking for someone.

Very impressive.

I bet everybody who comes in here is
either looking for someone, or something.

You're looking for a man.

Lucky guess.

She had a 50% chance, right?

Better get on with the reading,
kid.

Thanks, Colt.

How'd she know your name?

I have a mystic source of information.

The telephone.

Our mutual friend Terry called her,
let her know we were coming over.

We're looking for a small-time hood named
Russell Tally.

The diamond thief.

Terry again.

No, the newspapers.

We do read things besides cards.

What do you want to know about Tally?

His location.

That'll cost you.

Well, we need it by tonight.

I see large numbers dancing before my
eyes.

One hundred.

Two hundred.

Three hundred.

Three hundred.

Okay, we're staying here.

In room 427.

Let us know if you hear anything.

Too bad those cards can't really read the
future, have they, Abs?

Oh, but they can.

I see a beautiful female stopping by Cole
Seavers' motel room later tonight.

Hey, that must be Linda.

Who the hell is Linda?

I meant me.

No, he's not.

Who's calling?

Babs.

Can you give him a message?

It's important.

Sure.

Tell him Russ Tally is at the City Blues
bar meeting a fence.

He'd better make it there fast if he wants
to get him.

I'll tell him.

Thank you.

Russ Tally.

Dearest Colt, I hope after reading this
you will realize that I really do love you.

A few moments ago
I was confronted with

perhaps the most
difficult decision of my life.

You know, she's a pretty good writer.

Keep reading.

What decision?

I argued both sides of the question.

Well, go on.

Hold my tiger, tiger, tiger.

Do anything for you.

Shivers down my spine.

Endless passion.

Oh, here we go.

Babs called.

Babs called.

She said Tally is at the City Blues bar
meeting a fence right now.

And listen to this.

I'll keep Tally there as long as I can.

Love, your ever-faithful Linda.

You'd better stay here in case she calls,
OK?

All right.

I'd better take the key.

I've never seen finer ice.

Stone's flawless.

How much?

At least a million.

Good.

I don't understand.

No way I can fence this.

It's too hot to touch.

Give us 20 cents on the dollar.

The one in their right mind would do it
for 10 cents on the dollar.

Not in this condition, anyway.

Sorry.

No.

You heard what the man said.

The diamond's worthless in its present
condition.

So, we'll just change its condition,
that's all.

Cut it, you're crazy.

You have no choice.

Look, we'll get the finest cutter
available.

I'll take care of everything.

If you like, I'll hold the stone until
then.

Call.

I, uh, I noticed you were sitting here
alone.

I'm waiting for someone.

Well, somebody as pretty as you shouldn't
be sitting in a bar alone.

Would you like to join me until your
friend comes?

Looks like you found the evening's
entertainment.

Colt!

It's that bounty hunter.

Let me go!

You get out of here.

Colt!

Hang on, kid.

Easy does it.

You okay?

Oh, Colt, I'm sorry.

I've done it again.

Terry, I couldn't help it.

I've got Howie covering West Falls Mansion,
and I've got to get back to the motel.

The girl's waiting there.

Linda, what are you doing in this room?

I don't say anything, Colt.

Just let it happen.

Linda, get out of this bed.

All right.

Never mind.

Get back in bed.

You make up your mind, Colt.

I have, and what you're doing is wrong.

What do you expect?

I've never done this before.

Well, now's not the time to learn that I'm
not the right person.

When I was just a kid and didn't know how
to throw a baseball, you taught me.

And then you taught me how to ride a bike.

Can't you teach me about love?

No, Linda, I can't.

Colt, I love you.

Linda, what you're feeling is not love.

It's infatuation.

No, it's real.

It's the realest thing I've ever felt.

You know what you're feeling, Linda.

You're in love with being in love.

Now, there's nothing wrong with that.

But don't confuse it with real love.

What is real love?

Well, it's the kind of thing that you've
got to discover for yourself.

But it's a lot more than falling in love
for a man just because you think he can

give you something that's missing from
your life.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, I think you do.

I think you want to be more a part of your
father's life.

No, he doesn't give a damn about me.

Why should I care about him?

Come on, just because he was gone a couple
of days?

He didn't just go away.

I left him a note saying that I was flying
back to school.

Do you hate me now?

No, I don't hate you.

I love you.

And so does he.

I've never stopped loving you.

Not for a minute.

You really think so?

I know something.

Daddy.

It's all right, Colt.

Don't be ridiculous.

I've known you too long and too well.

Besides, I overheard the whole
conversation.

And I want to thank you.

You're a good friend.

I appreciate you leaving word how I could
find out where you stay.

And as for you, young lady, you and I are
going to have ourselves one long talk.

When?

You're going off in a few days for Europe
for another movie.

What would you say if I decided not to do
that?

What other movie?

The last few years I've been so busy doing
movies and worrying about my career that I

failed to realize my little girl's grown
up into quite a woman.

Now, it may seem a little bit late,
but I'd like to try to be your father.

I like the sound of that.

Do you two mind turning around?

But she'd never ask.

I see a man.

He's fading.

He's gone.

Ah, here he comes again.

His name is Noah Warfield.

One of the top diamond cutters in the
world.

Who hired him?

Talley put the word on the street that he
was in the market for one.

But you'll be very
interested to know who paid

for the plane fare to
fly him back into town.

Gerald Westfall.

Well, how'd you figure out that Westfall
was involved?

Well, Terry said Talley was busted with
$50,000 in the cash on him.

The money that he supposedly got for
fencing the diamond.

But we know from what Linda overheard,
the diamond was never fenced.

Well, then where'd he get the money?

From Westfall.

What's 50 grand to a man who stood to make
a million from the insurance?

Well, then that 50 grand
they found on Talley

when he got busted wasn't
for fencing the diamond.

It was for stealing it.

No, it was for appearing to steal it.

If I'm right, Talley was paid to take the
blame for the heists.

Then disappeared when he got busted.

Got out on bail.

Got careless, was busted, and had his
money confiscated.

And the diamond?

Westfall must still have it.

That's why Talley came back to San
Francisco.

And that explains how Talley knew where to
find you and ran the truck off the road.

Exactly.

Now, with any luck, we'll be able to nail
Talley and the diamond at the same time.

And if we can recover
the diamond, the insurance

company will have to
pay us a finder's fee.

That's 10% of a million bucks.

That's $100,000!

What do you think I was in this for,
kid?

The spirit of adventure?

The spirit of adventure?

It's perfect.

You're fools to cut such a perfect gem.

It took the Earth millions of years to
produce this masterpiece.

It took the Earth millions of years to
produce this masterpiece.

I've hated ecology ever since I got poison
ivy.

Just do what you're paid for.

Very well.

He's gonna cut it.

You're absolutely certain?

Mm-hmm.

Diamond!

It's ruined!

You've made me ruin this glorious diamond!

Give me that.

It's gotta be worth something.

Cheap earrings and stereo needles,
that's about it.

I'll take my chances.

My diamond!

Clear!

Seamus is on us again!

I sure ain't delivering.

Ooh, champagne, my favorite!

What's the occasion?

We're throwing a going-away party for
Linda and Phil.

They're going off to Europe.

We have a lot more to celebrate than that.

Westfall just confessed to the whole
scheme.

He and Tally will be in jail for several
years.

Oh, and Tally's pal, Decatur?

He's being brought up on attempted m*rder
charges.

Hello.

Hey, you're just in time for the toast!

One for you.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, why don't you take Linda's?

She shouldn't be drinking anyway.

She's underage.

Now your father has spoken.

Finally.

It was really immature of me to chase
after you like that, Colt.

Yes, Dad said I am underage.

Oh, forget it.

I will.

By the time I get back from Europe,
I'll be 18.

Just two weeks.

Darling.