03x10 - Better Than Sex

[bunniefuu]

[♪ GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]

[COMPUTER KEYS CLACKING]

[CARRIE] Autumn was here.

And as the leaves turned gold
and the air turned crisp...

the woman returned to herself.

Her hours turned into days.

Her days turned into weeks.

Her pain turned into productivity.

The family that would
never inhabit her home,

or her heart,

faded from her life,

the way the golden leaf
faded to brown at her feet.

She had done all she could.

She had done all she could.

She had done all she could.

Oh my.

Repeating that last sentence?

- It's not too much?
- No.

I mean, it's a fact, and
it's a kind of mantra,

and it shows us how much

she still needs to
convince herself of it.

And ending the chapter in it?

Smart.

- Also clever?
- Mm-hmm?

Having the man make it
back safely from the w*r,

but then dying of the untreated wound

from the previous battle?

Surprising.

- [CHUCKLES]
- And Scotch-worthy.

Scotch-worthy? Wow!

I haven't had a "Scotch-worthy"

in about, mm, over a week.

My dear, if I drank as
much as you deserved,

I'd be returning home to Mrs. Thatcher

- schnockered every night.
- [CHUCKLES]

And she would not appreciate it.

Nor would my rapidly
approaching deadline.

[CARRIE] Oh, God, please don't tell me

that helping with my book

- has put you behind.
- [CLICKING TONGUE] A little.

- [CARRIE GROANS]
- But worse, it shamed me.

I mean, I've had a writing jag
like the one you're experiencing

but it was cocaine-fueled.

- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
- I mean, the sheer volume of pages

flying out of you these
past weeks is remarkable.

Well, writing has
proved to come in handy

given my current circumstance.

As would a Scotch.

Oh, sorry.

Um, I was waiting for you
to repeat it three times.

"She wanted a Scotch.
She wanted a Scotch.

She wanted a Scotch."

- [SCOTCH POURING]
- Really, is it...

is it indulgent?

No. Don't worry, I'll let you know

if the prose gets too purple.

- Hmm.
- Okay.

Now you've steeled yourself,
the opening paragraph

of chapter 16's too purple.

It's lavender at its worst.

Oh, well, what do I know?

I only have five bestselling books.

I have seven.

My biographies are 700 pages long.

The plots are already written for you.

[DUNCAN INHALES SHARPLY]

You know, I wonder...

No. No, sorry. I don't wonder.

What don't you wonder?

I don't wonder...

what I'd be reading
if he were still here.

Is that too forward?

Hm.

What would you be reading?

Hmm. I have no idea.

I have no idea.

I have no idea.

[CHUCKLES]

I will tell you, it would
not be as far along.

Well...

- I'm off back to my...
- [GLASSES CLINKING]

...plot that's already written.

It's true.

What the bloody hell takes me so long?

Well done, you.

[♪ GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Oh, man, Miranda,

you pulled this place
together pretty fast.

Steve, I bought it fully furnished.

Okay, I was wondering,
'cause it took us

two years to decide
on a couch. [CHUCKLES]

And then you never got another one.

Because it took us two
years to decide on that one.

Aw, man, look at that!

Black cod, carrot purée,
sautéed Swiss chard.

So, you weren't just pretending
to use the stove in there.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, I
kinda got into cooking

for Dad and me. I really like it.

Time for a DNA test.

That's why I wanted to
get us all together,

tell you I'm quitting
Scout to go back to school.

- [GASPS] Oh, my God!
- Oh, no!

You're surprised by my reaction?

He just said he likes cooking.

Cooking sliders and clams on
Coney Island, not cooking.

I enrolled at The Institute
for Culinary Education.

[GASPS] Our son, the chef!

[STEVE] Hey, hey. You know,

this is 'cause of that show The Bear.

I don't care how or why, if
there's a diploma involved.

[STEVE] Mm-hmm.

There's, uh, something else

I wanted to talk to you two about.

Oh. [CHUCKLES] We will pay.

- [STEVE] Yeah.
- No problem.

[CHUCKLES] No, Mom, it's not that.

So, uh...

I got someone pregnant.

- [SILVERWARE CLATTERING]
- What?

Yeah.

[MIRANDA] Wait, who?

I... I didn't even know
you were seeing anybody.

Yeah, I'm... I'm not.

It's this girl I've hooked
up with maybe twice.

"Maybe twice"?

You don't know?

Two or three times? I... [SIGHS]

I was pretty wasted.

[STEVE] Two or three times?

You were pretty wasted?

What the f*ck are you saying to us?!

- Steve?
- What... "Steve" what?

What's her name?

- Mia.
- Mia what?

Why didn't you wear a condom?

[MIRANDA] So, um...

- Okay, um...
- [WHISPERING] Yeah, Jesus.

- How pregnant is she?
- [BRADY] Like, very.

I bumped into her on the
street where she works,

and she was, like, clearly pregnant.

She said that's the
only reason she told me,

'cause it was so obvious.

How do you know it's yours?

She said so.

But it sounds like she
sleeps with a lot of people.

Where did you get that from?

Well, it... [SIGHS]

So, do you know if she's
planning to keep it?

Or put it up for adoption?

Oh, man. Oh, man, alright.

You were just getting
your life together,

and now you have f*cked it up so bad!

Dad, it's cool. I can still do my life.

She doesn't want me involved.

You are involved! You
got someone pregnant,

someone who's having your baby

who doesn't want to be with you!

Do you know how messed up that is?

It's f*cking messed up!

- Steve.
- Dad, calm down.

It's a situation. We'll figure it out.

You can't figure
something like this out!

And I know what I'm talking about!

Yeah, well, this isn't
about you and Mom.

No, because I loved your mother,

and I knew her last name!

- [BRADY SCOFFS]
- [MIRANDA] Steve. We... we just gotta...

- okay?
- No! You're 20 f*cking years old,

and you don't have two
dollars in your pocket

for a f*cking rubber?!

[GRUNTING] And you shrug
the shoulders again,

and I'm gonna f*cking lay you out.

- [BRADY SCOFFS]
- Okay, let's just all calm dow...

- Where are you going?
- Away from the verbally a*usive

and physically threatening parent.

This is not a joke, buddy!

You have messed up your entire life!

f*ck, Miranda! f*ck!

[GROANING]

[MIRANDA SIGHING]

[STEVE SIGHING, SNIFFLING]

Okay, but what's going on?

Hold on, let me get Carrie.

Carrie, are you there?

Yes, I am.

Hold on. Charlotte?

- Yes?
- Okay.

[♪ TENSE, PLUCKY MUSIC PLAYING]

Brady... got somebody pregnant.

- Oh, no!
- Oh, my.

He came over to dinner tonight

and dropped that b*mb on Steve and me.

I didn't even know
Brady was seeing anyone.

He isn't! She was just a hook-up.

- Oh, my.
- Oh, no!

Oh, that's my worst nightmare...
oh, I'm... I'm sorry,

I'm sorry. I'm making this about me.

- This is about you.
- Please.

Can it be about somebody else?

Well, what do you know about her?

Nothing. Except that apparently,
she's showing so much,

there's no "not being pregnant" option.

Is there room for another "oh, my"?

Steve lost it.

I've never seen him
that upset at Brady.

"You got someone pregnant who
doesn't want to be with you."

Sound familiar?

She doesn't want to be with Brady?

No! That's something else I know.

Hey, guys, I'm gonna be a grandma!

- Well, are you?
- What do you mean?

Well, if she said she
doesn't want to be involved

with Brady, that kind
of means you, too.

Not necessarily. It...
it's kind of a gray area.

And you know how much
I love a gray area.

- Ooh!
- Yeah.

[KISSES SMACKING, MOANING]

- [ANTHONY] Feel good?
- Mm-hmm. Really good.

- [LOUD BANGING]
- What the f*ck is that?

Someone's at the door.

It better not be that girl
pushing Thin Mints again.

[SIGHS] Don't answer the door hard!

[LOUD KNOCKING CONTINUES]

Down, boy.

Down, boy. Down, boy.

Oh, boy.

Well, we have to go to a hotel.

A neighbor punctured a gas
line installing a flat screen,

and fireman Zac Efron says
everyone has to evacuate.

It's late. We don't
have to go to a hotel.

We can go to my apartment.

- Tony?
- Oh, I heard ya.

I just prayed this
day would never come.

So, what? You have,
like, five roommates?

Just one. He's an artist

who works the night
shift at Whole Foods.

Crashing with you and your roommate

on the Upper West Side.

Let me get my Wham! Cassettes. [SCOFFS]

[HAMSTER WHEEL RATTLING]

The car's here.

- Press breakfast starts at 9:00.
- I just need five more minutes.

And I have to be on
the 12:25 train to D.C.

to get to my doc interview.

What is that rodent doing in here?

Well, Gabby says her hamster misses me,

that I'm not spending enough,
uh, quality time with Shirley.

Can you say, "transference"?

Chauncey wants us to do one last event

before the election
Tuesday. Friday night.

But I think you said "no"
to everything Friday, right?

I did.

Your mother's arriving
for your big night,

and she will be very upset

if I'm not here to be
personally harassed by her.

- You okay?
- I'm just overbooked.

I'm like the hamster on the wheel.

Oh, but you're much cuter.

- Much cuter.
- You must be out of your mind

if you think we can fit that in.

- Well, I can fit it in.
- [CHUCKLES]

- I can fit it in.
- The conference is at 9:00.

- Go! Go!
- Come on, why you late?

[CAR HORN HONKING]

[♪ CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

Giuseppe? I finally finished him.

Oh.

Sorry, I didn't know you had company.

[♪ CURIOUS MUSIC CONTINUES]

[DOOR CREAKING SHUT]

Who the f*ck was that?

- My roommate.
- Your roommate?

I thought you said he worked
at Whole Foods, not Old Foods!

[SHUSHING] Andrew will hear you.

Andrew? Don't you mean Geppetto?

What's with the puppet?

He carves original
characters out of wood,

then performs entertainments
in Strawberry Fields with them.

That's how we met. I had my poem table

near where he was
doing an entertainment.

Stop saying "entertainment"
like it's a thing.

And original characters?

That puppet looks exactly like you.

Yes, I am his muse.

[SCOFFS] I feel like I'm
gonna swallow my tongue.

His muse? He's into you.

Or more likely, he wants you into him.

You are wrong. Andrew is asexual.

A sexual what?

Asexual. He has a lack of
sexual attraction to others.

Mm-hmm. Just to a puppet

with a huge package
that looks like you!

- [POWER TOOLS WHIRRING]
- [♪ LOUD HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

Hello, gentlemen?

Hi, hi.

Um, I'm on a Zoom, so could
we just hold the work?

But don't stop. Maybe just only paint.

Thanks!

- Yes!
- Harry!

- [LOUD CHEERING ON TV]
- Turn it down! Why so loud?

I couldn't hear over the loud

and totally unnecessary renovation!

Well, I have a Zoom.

[HARRY] Come on, come on, come on!

[CHARLOTTE SIGHS]

- So sorry.
- [HARRY] Yes, yes, yes!

[CHARLOTTE] We are doing a renovation.

I have hated my hall
wallpaper for years,

and I finally thought,

"Life is short. Change it!"

[RHONDA] It's a 50-minute session.

- The clock is ticking.
- Okay.

- Um...
- [HARRY] Oh, no!

You... you don't have your camera on.

[RHONDA] Doesn't need to be.

- Oh. Um...
- [HARRY] Go! Go! Go!

Is it better sitting,
or... or should I lie down?

I made sure not to wear
any restrictive clothing,

just in case you need to,
you know, get in there.

[RHONDA] Whatever
you're comfortable with.

It's a psychic energy
cleanse, not a pelvic exam.

I don't know what I'm comfortable with.

I didn't even expect to
win the silent auction,

- I just bid to get it started.
- [HARRY] Ah, no!

Forty dollars isn't much.

[RHONDA] No, it's not, is it, dear?

Okay. First, I'm gonna lead you

- through a guided meditation.
- [HARRY] Come on, go!

- [HARRY] Go, go, go!
- [HENRY] Let's go. Five, six, seven, eight.

[TAP DANCING LOUDLY]

I'm sorry. That is my youngest.

They got the lead in "Thoroughly
Modern Millie" at school.

We were all shocked. Excuse me.

[HARRY] Yes!

Why are you two tapping right here?

It's the only part of the hallway

that isn't covered in tarp.

Well, hey, hey, hey!

Can you... [SHUSHING]

[WHISPERING] I am on an energy Zoom.

You don't need to practice right now.

No, we do. The play's in three weeks,

and Rock is entry-level at best.

[TAPPING FOOT] Five, six, seven, eight.

[LOUD TAP DANCING CONTINUES]

Gosh, is there any way
that we could reschedule?

I just... I can't relax
with all this noise.

[RHONDA] You want me to
reschedule for that price?

- [HARRY] Yes! Sorry!
- [HENRY] Heel, toe. Heel, heel, heel, heel.

- You rent?
- Mm-hmm.

- And you moved in when?
- I was ten.

My mother, my sister Marley, and me.

Mom had the loft,

my sister and I had the bedroom,

and, well... now I'm up there.

- How much do you pay?
- You don't want to know.

Tell me.

Remember, it's subsidized
artist housing.

My mom was a Raku potter. And
it's... it's rent controlled.

- Just say it quick.
- Nine hundred a month.

You m*therf*cker. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, wow.

Gorgeous. Did your mother make it?

Yeah, she made all the
pottery, and the weavings.

Yeah, she was the OG
Birkenstocks and crystals, oils,

apple cider vinegar on everything.

"Was"?

She died of breast
cancer when I was 20.

Um, turns out they... they don't
make an essential oil for that.

I wish I could've met her.

Come here. Come here.

This way, please.

[ADAM SIGHS]

Seema, meet my mother.

[♪ SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

- I'm not gonna shake her leaf.
- [LAUGHING]

One Mother's Day, when I was seven,

I gave her this sad,
anemic little plant, and...

Wait, seriously? That's it?

This is my mom in a nutshell.

All love, care, and determination.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

She was something.

Mommy issues. That's
gonna be the reason

this won't work.

So, should we stop taking
suggestions from callers?

I thought it was gonna be my smoking.

But, no, I have one out
the window after sex.

- He's cool with it.
- He's cool with it?

Dude's cool with it?

His exact words. So, it's Mom.

- Oh. What's she like?
- Dead.

Died years ago.

Is her body still in the
apartment or something?

'Cause I don't see what the problem is.

Families that are living?

That is the real threat.

Dead, she's a saint.

The apartment is a shrine.

Saint Raku of Plants and Pottery.

I'm starving. Sure you can't eat?

I can't. We start work at 7:30.

Oh. This collaboration
really worked out.

- It's kinda remarkable that happened.
- It is.

It is, I've never worked
like this, you know,

ideas going back and forth,

and making each other's books better.

Yeah. I could get used to it.

- To what?
- Having a writing partner.

Well, could it be more
than a writing partner?

Well, would that be more?

Maybe that would make it less.

I've never experienced a man

see me as smart first.

Sexy, yes. Cute, yes.

- Humble, no.
- No, no, no, no. I... I'm not...

I'm not bragging, quite
the opposite, it's...

it's... it's limiting.

This is different. Duncan
respects my thoughts.

What makes me, me. He...
he sees my "me-ness."

You see it, Charlotte
and Miranda see it,

Duncan sees it.

- And he's a man.
- [CHUCKLES] I know.

It's very odd.

Let's go.

- Mm.
- I'll drop you off.

- I hired Rocco back.
- [CARRIE GASPS]

[CHARLOTTE] So, she works
at a Brooklyn hair salon,

that's cool!

[MIRANDA] Upside:

I may get a discount on my red.

Downside: Brady is so mad at Steve

that he's moved out of
their place and in with me.

I mean, what the f*ck?

He gets this girl pregnant,
and I'm a mother again?

[SIGHS] Oh, Miranda,
it'll all work out.

How is that gonna happen?

Because right now, I'm about
to make an unannounced visit

to the de facto baby mama
of my adult, wannabe-chef,

non-condom-wearing son.

[WHISPERING] Also, I'm not
gonna tell her who we are.

Thank you for being here.

Hi, I'm Emily. Do you
have an appointment?

I don't, but I'm hoping
Mia could fit me in?

I've heard good things.

[EMILY] We don't have
a stylist named Mia.

Hi, was someone, uh,
someone asking for me?

Yes, hi! Uh, Mia.

Your services come highly recommended.

Oh, thanks. That's so nice.

I, um, I don't really
work here that often.

I'm, uh, I'm actually making
a wellness app, which is, uh,

- sort of my true passion.
- [MIRANDA AND CHARLOTTE CHUCKLE]

Someone recommended the
shampoo girl to you?

That's insane. No offense.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[MIA FARTING LOUDLY AND REPEATEDLY]

I'm sorry. It's so mortifying.

I'm still getting used to all
this gas since I'm pregnant.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Congratulations!

- [MIA CHUCKLES]
- Y-You must be so excited.

Uh, well, honestly, I
was gonna get an ab*rtion

till I realized the baby
would be a double Libra.

It's gonna be such a f*cking vibe.

Wow!

- I bet!
- [WATER RUNNING]

What does the dad think?
Is he into astrology?

Uh, you know what? I have no idea.

You two aren't close, then?

He's cool, I guess.

It's not like we're gonna
raise the kid together.

f*ck buddy status, you know?

Then how do you know he's the father?

Uh, I was just wondering how you know,

if he isn't your boyfriend.

I mean, shouldn't you get a
paternity test or something?

Why would you ask me that?

I'm "f*ck buddy's" mother.

Oh my God! [SCREAMING] Oh!

Oh my God!

- Oh!
- [MIA] Coming in here,

lying like that?

So gross and inappropriate.

I'm inappropriate?!

You just basically waterboarded me.

Can I at least get a towel?

- [GRUNTING]
- [MIA] You have to be a Taurus.

[MIRANDA SIGHS]

Mia, Mia, Mia,

don't go. Please.

I shouldn't have gone, I
don't know, "under cover,"

but I... I just found out,
and I'm still processing this.

I... I hope because
there's a baby coming,

we can have some kind of a connection,

so our family can get to
know this little boy or girl.

Little boy or girl? [SCOFFS LIGHTLY]

You're so binary.

[MIA FARTING LOUDLY AND REPEATEDLY]

[EMILY] Jesus, Mia!

[BLOW DRYER WHIRRING]

[CLIENT] Oh, my God.
Girl, blow that this way.

[CAR HORNS HONKING IN DISTANCE]

[SIGHS]

Hello?

I've done all my homework!

[CARRIE] I'll be right down!

[DUNCAN] Well, I've been
waiting a fortnight!

[PRINTER BEEPING]

Should I send up a rescue team?

Not unless they know printer CPR!

- Ugh!
- I am breaching the castle wall.

Please don't pour down
cauldrons of flaming oil on me!

[PRINTER PARTS CLATTERING]

[PRINTER WHIRRING,
CLATTERING CONTINUES]

- [CARRIE GROANING]
- Let me see what I can do.

Oh, did you write the
biography of Mister Xerox?

Let me step aside!

Cheeky!

I'll have you know I have a flawless...

- [WHIRRING STOPS]
- ...printer hack.

Yeah.

[PRINTER TURNING ON]

- [PRINTER WHIRRING]
- Oh!

That only worked 'cause I did the
tray open/close thing three times.

- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, you, uh, you write
in front of a window?

Interesting.

I write in front of a wall,

so I can bang my head against it.

- What a lovely room.
- Hm.

Those frocks.

Have you worn them all?

Well, you know, most New Yorkers

actually venture out.

That sounds absurd. But
are you ever inside?

I mean, you have so many!

Oh, really... you think that's a lot?

Hold onto your hat.

Am I wearing a hat?

[♪ GENTLE, PLUCKY MUSIC PLAYING]

Duncan, meet my girls.

Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle. [CHUCKLES]

[GASPS] Well, you are just

- a fairy tale, aren't you?
- [CHUCKLES]

[DUNCAN GASPS]

Oh, look at her!

Hello!

What's... what's that?

You're cross that I've
kept your mummy...

[CHUCKLES] -...cooped up
inside lo these many weeks,

starved you of glamorous
parties, and...

what's that, op... opulent dinners?

Well, let me make it up to her.

Um, there's a party Tuesday.

My publishing house is throwing it.

The thought of going makes me
want to gnaw off my own foot

like a caged animal, but if I might

persuade you to join me...

- A publishing party?
- Um, hang on.

Rewrite coming in. I
will pay you to join me.

How much?

[DUNCAN] Whatever you
need to endure a room

full of literary-types, plus my editor,

who is a bit miffed
at my lack of progress

lo these many weeks.

That much.

You've used "lo" twice on this page.

Write the check. I'll go with you.

[LISA] Gabby, what
are you doing in here?

It's time to take your bath for bed.

I have to find Shirley.

What do you mean, you
have to find Shirley?

Why isn't Shirley in
her cage on my desk?

- I let her out for a walk.
- Gabby!

You took her out for a walk?

She was bored, and you weren't
even here to watch her.

- You're never here!
- [LISA] There is a rodent

loose in my house.

A little rodent in this big house!

We're never gonna find her now!

She could die in here!

Why did you do something so stupid?

I'm furious at you!

- Furious!
- Nanna, Nanna, I...

This is how you speak to your children?

My God. Just as I suspected.

Good luck with Mommy Dearest.

What the hell is happening?

Gabby let the hamster out of the cage,

and now it's somewhere in here!

I mean, it could be anywhere!

[SIGHS] Oh, God.

I just yelled at Gabby so loud.

Yeah, I know. They
heard you in the lobby.

I'm a terrible mother and
wife. I... I'm never here.

I'm always tired. All I
do is think about work.

That's not all you do.

[WHISPERING] I should
have never said "stupid."

So, you're not gonna
be Supermom tonight.

- [CLICKING TONGUE, SIGHS]
- It's okay. You're human.

- [INHALES SHARPLY]
- Look at me. Look at me.

You're human.

- [SOFT PATTERING]
- [GASPS] No! There it is!

There! Go! It ran out the door!

Oh my... f*ck' rat!

[SIREN WAILING, CAR HORNS HONKING]

[LIGHTER CLICKING]

[POTS SHATTERING]

- Adam!
- You okay?

I'm fine. But I k*lled your mother.

- Am I awake or is this a nightmare?
- Both.

I knocked her plant
out the window smoking.

What?

f*ck!

[CARRIE] No, no, no, no! Ooh!

- Don't, no. I know.
- [SHOE MEOWING]

[CHARLOTTE] Well, I had to reschedule
the Zoom energy cleanse twice

and my house is still Noise Central,

so I appreciate the peace and quiet.

Ah. Hey, listen, this,
um, Zoom psychic,

she's not gonna invite
any unwanted spirits

into my house, is she?
I'm really not looking...

[LAUGHING] -...to have a "Don't
go into the light, Carol Anne,"

- kind of moment.
- [LAUGHING] No.

I don't even know if she's legit.

She won't even turn her camera on,

so she could be just, like,
smoking and eating pizza

- for all I know.
- Ooh, my kind of psychic.

Ooh! What is this gorgeous thing?

Oh, it's something I'm
putting together for a party

I was invited to tonight.

Mm, Vivienne Westwood.

Well, it's certainly very special.

- What's the occasion?
- Oh, it's just a...

it's just a publishing thing.

Hmm.

On second thought, it's...
it's probably too special.

Well, it certainly is special.

Duncan invited me to the party.

Oh, did he?

Yeah, and when he did, I hesitated.

Um, I think because of Miranda.

What does Miranda have to do with it?

Well, um, at your party she insinuated

that the connection
between me and Duncan

was more than just writing.

And I got, um, I got pretty defensive.

Well... [CHUCKLES] I
got very defensive.

Well, i-is it more than just writing?

Why does everybody think it
has to be more than writing?

Look, I... I don't know.

See, and here I'm... I'm getting
defensive again with you.

- You're just sitting here listening.
- [SOFTLY] It's okay.

Miranda thought there
was something between us.

Aidan thought there was
something between us.

The only person who didn't
think there was anything

between us was me, and there wasn't.

But now, here I am fussing
over a very special dress...

and it has nothing to do with writing.

[SIGHS]

I just don't know if I want to go here.

That's up to you.

Not Miranda, and not me.

Not even Aidan.

You know how true you were
to him, but he's gone.

And you're here. And that dress

- deserves to be seen.
- Yeah.

Ugh, boy, if anything happened
between Duncan and me now...

[CHUCKLES] ...oh, my gosh,

I would never hear the
end of it from Miranda.

That's not true.

And even if it is, f*ck Miranda.

Wow. Somebody needs an energy cleanse.

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- [CHARLOTTE SIGHS]

- [HUMMING]
- [COMPUTER CHIMING]

Hello. Thank you so much

for all the time and effort
it took to reschedule this.

[RHONDA] Well, it was a lot. I mean,

because of all the back and forth,

you've only got 12 minutes
left to your session

and no time for a guided meditation.

Alright, so what's the
energy you need cleared?

Now, you hate your new wallpaper?

Well, um...

my husband just came through cancer,

and I think I'm just still
carrying a lot of that around.

[SNIFFLING] It was...
it was the most scared

that I've ever been,

[VOICE BREAKING] and I
wasn't, uh, really allowed

to express that to anyone, so...

Oh!

Your... your camera's
on. [CHUCKLES, SNIFFLES]

Sorry about the wallpaper comment.

You can forget people
are people on Zoom.

Not very loving when you're
going through so much.

Okay, Charlotte, I'm gonna lead you

through a guided mediation.

Oh, but there isn't time.

I've got all the time in the world.

- Okay.
- [RHONDA] Now, I want you

to imagine you're in a
place where you feel safe,

relaxed, and serene.

So! What happened while I was out?

Are we wildly successful yet?

Not quite yet.

But, you do have a visitor.

He didn't have an appointment.

Who?

- Me.
- What...

You haven't returned my calls or texts.

- What's up?
- I k*lled your mother.

- Oh, my God.
- Figuratively.

Oh. That's a relief. I just
signed a two-year lease.

Need my ChapStick.

[OFFICE WORKERS CHATTERING]

I didn't know what to say.

I k*lled the thing you love the most.

No, cancer k*lled the
thing I love the most.

I can barely look at you.

Hi.

I told you that it was fine.

That plant is gone.

Is it?

Come here.

I salvaged some of the clippings,

and the rest are in the greenhouse,

and here on the bookshelf,
and on your desk.

Wait, is that her?

[CHUCKLING] I told
you she's determined.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Adam,
I'm not a plant person.

I don't wanna k*ll her twice.

Are... are these self-watering?

No.

But that's what you have me for.

Let's not dawdle, Lisa.

I have no interest in being late

on this monumental
night of my son's life.

Just getting my keys, Mother Wexley.

I'm ready. I'll get the elevator.

"Monumental"? Mother,
we're... [CHUCKLES]

...only talking about the
election for City Comptroller.

But what city? New York City.

- The crème de la crème.
- Okay.

Hey, Mom, how long do I
have to stay at this thing?

- Herbert, Jr.!
- What? I have homework.

- [LISA SCOFFS]
- Oh, he has homework?

This is a monumental night.

[♪ EXCITING MUSIC PLAYING]

Just stay until after your
father's acceptance speech.

- If I win.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]

Wexleys always win.

I mean, the polls have
you ahead by five points,

and that's outside the margin of error.

- [LISA] Whoo!
- Yay! Daddy!

[ALL CHANTING] Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!

- [♪ MUSIC SWELLS]
- Daddy! Daddy!

- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- [♪ MUSIC STOPS]

I hate this filthy city.

How did this happen?

We were outside the margin of error.

Mr. Chauncey said the working-class
voters swayed the results.

I don't have time for
that fool Chauncey

or the working class.

Just come on, everyone.
We'll order a big ole pizza,

the kind with the goat
cheese that we love.

[EUNICE SIGHS]

How could you ever enter a race

if there was a chance you could lose?

[♪ GENTLE, SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

[LISA] Sweetheart...

don't let her get to you.

You wanted to do
something to help people.

- Your heart is in the right place.
- [SIGHS]

I can't believe... [CHUCKLES] I lost.

So, you didn't win. You're human.

Look at me.

You're human.

[♪ SOFT, UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[♪ "FAISAL [ENVELOPS ME]"
[BY FRED AGAIN PLAYING]

♪ Oh, your loving is bittersweet ♪

[♪ "FAISAL [ENVELOPS ME]"
[CONTINUES PLAYING]

You look well, Imogen.

I do. Is Thatcher finished?

Did I mention how well you're looking?

[SIGHS] You're very bad.

♪ Let me out, babe, I can't breathe ♪

♪ I'm shaking now ♪

♪ You lost yourself in me ♪

♪ Machine in doubt ♪

♪ You can leave your pain behind now ♪

[IMOGEN GASPS]

Carrie Bradshaw just walked in.

What is she wearing? It's fabulous.

I've been desperate for eons to
get her to one of our events,

but why on earth is she here tonight?

- It's not even a good one.
- I invited her.

Well, how do you know Carrie Bradshaw?

- Well, hello, you!
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]

[DUNCAN] She's my upstairs neighbor.

- [CARRIE] It's nice to see you.
- Excuse me.

[SCOFFS]

- Well, hello there.
- Good evening.

You, um, clean up good.

Is... is that the phrase?
"You clean up good"?

Yeah, enough with the
chitchat. Where's my payment?

And I don't take crypto

or that other phony currency, pounds.

Shall we get ourselves several drinks?

Yes, we shall.

[GIUSEPPE GRUNTING] -Can I
talk to you about something?

Again, the police will never come here

and find my dead naked torso

strung from the ceiling by my n*pples.

Agree to disagree.

He is a sweet, asexual roommate.

How would you like to trade
him in for a sexual roommate?

You wanna move in together?

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

That is a wonderful offer, Tony.

And yes, someday.

Let's wait. I wouldn't want us

to move too fast. Hmm?

- Okay.
- I have to go pee.

- [LIGHT RAPID THUMPING]
- [GRUNTING]

[MOANING]

[♪ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[♪ MUSIC SWELLING]

[♪ MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY]

Sure. Let's do it. I'll move in.

- Oh...
- [DOOR CLOSES]

[SIGHS, CHUCKLES]

[ANTHONY CHUCKLES]

[GIUSEPPE SIGHS, SNIFFLES]

It sounds as if you've
been very helpful

- with the Iron Lady.
- Oh, she has.

Maggie almost seems human.

No, really, Duncan's the one

who's been enormously
helpful with my book.

- [DUNCAN] Hmm.
- Well, he does have a sharp eye.

And when it comes to bad
relationship material,

- he's a fount.
- [CARRIE LAUGHING]

Never missed a deadline,

but always missed our anniversary.

Never say never, Imogen. Turns out...

[SIGHS] I will need a bit
of an extension after all.

And I'm mentioning it now,
in front of Carrie Bradshaw,

because you'll want to
impress her by saying "yes."

Mm, we can talk about it next week

when you're back in London.

Carrie, it was so lovely
to finally meet you.

And if you ever need a
publisher when you're in the UK,

- I'm wonderful with writers.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]

- As long as I don't marry them.
- [IMOGEN AND CARRIE CHUCKLE]

[DUNCAN] Hmm.

[CARRIE INHALES SHARPLY]

Well...

aren't you an enigma
wrapped in a riddle?

An enigma? Uh, maybe.

A riddle? Hardly.

I mean, I think it's pretty clear

I married my publisher because
I enjoyed her shade of lipstick.

Did you miss your deadline?

[CLICKING TONGUE] I did.

Now, will you please accompany
me out of this place...

to somewhere we can sit
down and eat something?

Yes, I will.

- No extra charge.
- Mm.

[♪ SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

[LIGHTS CLICK]

[DUNCAN] When I finish a
draft, I need at least a month

of despising it, tearing it apart,

before I put it all back together again

- exactly as it was before.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]

[DUNCAN] [CHUCKLES] Then, I
have a two-week trial separation

before I walk it in to them

and hand it over, extremely drunk.

[CARRIE] [CHUCKLES] Well, that
is completely unnecessary,

except the drunk part.

- [DUNCAN CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- [GATE SQUEAKING]

I think your book is wonderful.

[SIGHS] I think you're wonderful.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

And apparently, so does
everybody else in New York.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Tonight, I discovered,

Carrie Bradshaw, you're a thing.

[CHUCKLES] And I
discovered you're a mess.

Now, you see, that is why

one should never
venture out in New York.

If only we'd stayed inside this
house where we both belong...

we'd never know that
you're a thing and I'm a...

- Mess.
- Mess. Exactly.

Wait, hold please. Rewrite coming in.

You're not a mess.

I think you're wonderful as well.

Do you wanna come downstairs?

To be clear, I'm done
writing for today.

And possibly forever.

[CHUCKLES]

- Good night, then.
- Good night, then.

Duncan.

Duncan.

[♪ ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

I feel certain whoever lives here next

will have a better-quality sheet.

Wait, I don't mean to imply
that you're gonna sleep

with whoever rents
these rooms from now on.

I mean, I think it's crystal-clear
that this was charity.

I give what I can.

You understand that
I won't be returning?

Yes, I got the subtext.

As I think I mentioned
when we first met...

[INHALES SHARPLY] ...you
are a distraction.

And as we, um...

now know, when it comes
to anything but writing...

I'm a mess. [BLOWING]

So, here we are.

Any regrets?

One.

I shouldn't have cut
that lavender paragraph

from the start of the chapter.

What's gonna happen to the woman?

I mean, do you have the ending yet?

Mm.

Well, she'll die of
loneliness, of course.

- It's a bit cliché.
- Smallpox, then.

- No.
- Big pox.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

May I make one final suggestion?

- [SIGHS]
- She lives.

Hmm.

She's such a unique character,
it'd be a shame to end her.

I will take that into consideration.

[INHALES SHARPLY] You know,
this is the first time

in a long while...

that I've enjoyed being
completely preoccupied...

with someone living rather
than someone deceased.

[INHALES SHARPLY] I may
have missed a deadline,

but you've given me a new lifeline.

- Duncan?
- Yes?

- Way too purple. [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah, the minute I said it,

- I knew that it's...
- [CHUCKLES]

You are such a writer.

And, darling, so are you.

[♪ GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]

[CARRIE] The woman sat in her garden.

Even though summer
had come and now gone,

she could feel the warmth
of its lingering touch

on her face and body.

How wonderful.

How wonderful.

♪ Easy, I'm not saying it's easy ♪

♪ To forgive completely ♪

♪ But I couldn't let it last ♪

♪ And you never grow from that ♪

♪ So I had to take the space ♪

♪ And finally get away, yeah ♪

♪ And bathe in a beautiful morning ♪

♪ Stand in the still of the sun ♪

♪ Breathe out and take in the moment ♪

♪ Living, you've already won ♪

♪ Keep on, keep on ♪

♪ Run, go ahead, you
can tell the people ♪

♪ I'm alright and I'm
still in the sun ♪

♪ Ring all the bells,
sing and tell the people ♪

♪ Everywhere that the flower has gone ♪

♪

♪ Hey, ooh ♪

♪ Ring all the bells,
sing and tell the people ♪

♪ Everywhere that the flower has gone ♪

♪ Keep on ♪