05x17 - Top o' the Mountain

[bunniefuu]

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

[chuckling]

- Hey.

- Boing-oing-oing!

- Hey, Beavis.

What's the most you ever got from a chick?

- Um, remember that time that chick rubbed her thingies

against my shoulder?

- Oh, yeah.

And I even saw her thingies.

Let's go do that again.

- Yeah, yeah.

[both chuckling]

- This is going to be cool.

- Boing-oing-oing-oing. [trilling tongue]

[Skrew's "Picasso Trigger"]

Come on, Butt-Head, change it.

I think there's that Music Factory thing again.

- Uh, no it's not.

I think it rocks later.

♪ ♪

- Whoa, is this White Zombie?

- Uh...

Might as well be.

- Marcus Welby? What?

[both chuckling]

♪ ♪

- Every time you see a dude like this

in a video with a suit on and sunglasses, it means he bad.

- Yeah, yeah.

I think that's that guy from that commercial

for the Institute of Entertainment Arts.

Check this out.

Behind every rock band is an elite group of professionals

that make the show happen. - Oh, yeah.

- I was thinking of signing up for that, you know?

I bet I could score.

- Beavis, you could own the whole arena,

and you wouldn't score.

- Shut up, Butt-Head.

I bet I could score if I had one of those cellular phones.

- Uh, maybe.

But you're never going to get one of those.

- Well, I can get a fake one.

I'd be like, okay, we'll have the band over there.

We'll be right over. Okay. Yeah.

- [chuckling]

- Oh, no.

- Oh, God.

Here we go again with another crappy suck video.

- Here we go again.

- This sucks.

- [groaning]

- Oh, God.

- What the hell is the problem with this crap?

- Yeah, this sucks.

- Yeah, I think that's what that note said.

- Damn it. Damn it. Son of a b*tch.

Damn it. Damn it. Son of a b*tch.

- If those were the words, it'd be cool.

- Yeah, I was thinking of writing a song called

"Damn It, Son of a b*tch."

Kind of goes like this.

It's like, damn it. Damn it. Son of a b*tch.

Damn it. Damn it. Son of a b*tch.

Son of a b*tch. Son of a b*tch. Son of a b*tch.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

- That's pretty cool. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- She sucks so bad, they locked her in a box.

- Yeah, yeah, really.

- You know who else ought to do a concert

from inside a box?

Nelson. - Oh, yeah, and Bon Jovi.

- Yeah. [both chuckling]

How come those guys have to use a crowbar?

Nobody nailed it shut.

- They're using a crowbar? - Yeah.

They should get that big fat dude

from Crowbar to come into this video

and straighten everybody out.

- Yeah, he'd come in and make them all do push-ups.

Yeah. [both chuckling]

- Uh, no.

This chick's got, like, too much clothes.

- Yeah.

- Ugh! - Aah!

I'm not going to let some dude cut my hair.

- He'll probably accidentally, like,

rub his nads on your elbow. - Yeah.

No way!

- Yes. - Yeah, yeah.

- Yes. - Yeah, yeah.

- Come to Butt-Head. [chuckles]

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to go to her.

Yeah.

[door opens, bells jingle]

- Can I help you? - Uh...

[chuckles] Uh...

Uh, so, like, uh...

- Hold your head back. - [grunts]

[chuckling]

[both chuckling]

- Damn, out of shampoo.

[both chuckling]

- Butt-Head, did you see anything?

- Beavis, I have seen the top of the mountain.

And it is good. [chuckles]

- Yeah. [chuckling]

- Ow. [groaning]

h, so, uh, you come here often?

[chuckling]

Hey, Beavis,

hand me a magazine to, you know...

- Okay, let's go.

- Not yet. I mean, like, uh, do Beavis first.

- Yeah, yeah, do me.

♪ Do me, baby ♪

Yeah.

- Okay, then put your head back.

- Get ready to climb the mountain, dude.

[both chuckling]

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Ow! Ow!

Cut it out, fart knocker.

- Oh, is that too hot?

- Knocker. Knocker.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Could you lean over a little more?

Ow! Ow!

- [chuckling]

[whispering] I saw both of them.

You could see her whole boob.

- Yeah, me too.

Yeah, yeah, that was cool. Yeah.

- Are you guys ready yet? - Uh, no.

- Me neither.

Um, we need some quiet time or something.

Yeah. [both chuckling]

[clock ticking]

- [chuckles] Hey, Beavis.

I've still got a Woody Woodpecker.

- Yeah.

[imitates Woody Woodpecker laughing]

[car door closes, door opens, bells jingle]

- [moaning]

Baby, come on, man.

Let's get out of here. - [giggles] I can't.

I got to cut their hair.

- Those little asswipes?

Hang out for a second. This won't take long.

- Uh, I think we're ready now.

- Yeah, me too.

Aah!

Um... - Uh...

- Just a little bit off the top and sides.

Yeah.

[Cannibal Corpse's "Staring Through the Eyes of the Dead"]

♪ ♪

- What is this? - Yeah, yeah.

It's like they're not together or something.

- [roaring]

- [imitates roaring]

Yeah.

It's like, everybody sings like this now.

- Whoa, Look at their hair, Butt-Head.

It reminds me of, like, the pom poms,

you know, at pep rallies.

- You go to pep rallies? - Yeah.

Um... [chuckles]

You know, sometimes I go just to check out the butts.

[giggles]

- If these guys practice their instruments as much as they

practice shaking their hair around,

they'd be, like, pretty good probably.

- Mm, I don't know. They'd probably still suck.

But, you know, maybe it's just me.

I don't know.

[both chuckling]

Yeah.

♪ ♪

- [chuckles] Doctors. - Yeah.

If I was a doctor, I'd just come in

and say, okay, everybody, drop your pants.

And just like, you know, go around

and look at all the butts.

[giggles] - Yeah.

That would be cool. [chuckles]

Then you could, like, make a lot of money, too.

- Yeah, really, that would rule.

[rock music playing, tires squealing]

- [chuckles] Hey, Beavis.

Your haircut sucks.

- Well, your sucks worse. [chuckles]

- Todd's pretty cool, but he sucks at cutting hair.

- Yeah, and he called us asswipes.

[both chuckling]

- We saw the top of the mountain.

- Yeah, yeah. And my shoulder got some.

Yeah. - Yeah.

[both chuckling]

[Henry Rollins' "Disconnect"]

♪ ♪

Oh, hey, Butt-Head, check it out.

It's a liar, a liar, liar.

I'll rip your guts out.

I'll kick your a*s.

Liar. - Shut up.

Those aren't the words.

- Whoa, wh*res!

Check it out, Butt-Head, wh*res.

- Yeah, wh*res rule.

♪ ♪

That would suck to be a cab driver.

- Um, no way, Butt-Head. I think it'd be pretty cool.

I'd be a good cab driver.

I'd be like, where are you going today, ma'am?

Okay, how do you get there?

- You would suck, Beavis.

You sounded like a stupid dork.

You're never going to be able to do anything.

- Yeah, that would be cool.

Check out this part, Butt-Head.

Excuse me, hey. Excuse me.

Pardon me. Hey!

Hey. Damn it!

Hey, hey, watch it! Damn it. Damn it.

Man. - Beavis, just shut up.

- Oh.

Okay.

♪ ♪

- ♪ The only thoughts in your brain ♪

♪ Are all the things that they say ♪

- Damn it.

Just when you think something cool is about to happen,

he starts showing off how strong he is.

- Butt-Head, I don't want to hear

you complaining on this video.

It's about the only cool thing we've seen in a long time.

- Beavis, don't ever take that tone with me.

- Yeah, yeah.

♪ ♪

- Yeah, I want to disconnect! Yeah, yeah!

- Yeah, here he goes. - Come on. Come on.

Break something. - Yes.

- Yeah, yeah, there you go. - Yeah.

[both chuckling]