03x04 - This Is Your Life, Snoopy

[bunniefuu]

"Five-Star Beagle."

Another report card?

We just got one of these three months ago.

I got a T? What's that even mean?

It means you should probably
prepare yourself for summer school, sir.

Cheer up, Charlie Brown.
Sure, you got straight C's.

But you're an A-plus for consistency.

Sorry, Snoopy.

It's a report card.
Beagles don't get them.

Not entirely true, Charles.

The International Beagle Association
does have a special rating system

based on observation, tracking,
problem-solving, agility, and reflexes.

If a beagle passes all five categories,
they become a five-star beagle.

Well, I guess I could give you the test.

Actually, Charles, according to
the International Beagle Association,

the test should be done by someone fair

who won't be influenced
by their relationship with the beagle.

Well, that rules me out
since Snoopy and I are best friends.

Right, pal?

I'll do it.

I'm known for my fairness,

plus I already have the clipboard.

Get a good night's sleep, Snoopy.

Five-star beagle training starts tomorrow.

Okay. Before we start, you should know
becoming a five-star beagle won't be easy.

If you want it, you have to be serious.

Yes, that seems serious enough.

The first thing I need to test you on
is your powers of observation.

Keep your eyes on the dog treat.

Watch carefully now.

All right, where's the treat?

Beginners luck.

Let's see you pick the right one now.

Will you be serious?

How's Snoopy doing so far?

It's too early to say.

It's for academic purposes.

For this test, you must use
your beagle tracking skills to find Linus.

Ready? Go!

"Academic purposes."

I'm going to consider that the warm-up
test because you didn't really move.

This is the real one.

I recently borrowed this sheet music

from an individual
who shall remain nameless.

My Beethoven's been burgled!

Using your beagle tracking skills,
and your feet,

can you find the owner of this music?

Okay, get going.

I doubt he's in there!

When Beethoven calls, I answer.

Sheet music, please.

Sorry about that.

Will you be serious?

Much better. Check!

The next test is problem-solving.

I'll show you an equation
I've written on the blackboard,

and you try and solve it
while I time you with this stopwatch.

When you're done, ring this bell.

Ready?

Go!

That's correct.

This obstacle course
will test your agility.

Begin!

Check.

The next category is reflexes.

In order to reach five-star status,

you must be able to catch
like a top-rated beagle.

Fetch!

You think this is easy?

Well, can you catch a rabbit?

Check.

Can you catch a wave?

How about your own tail?
Can you catch your own tail?

So, is Snoopy a five-star beagle?

Almost. This is his last test.

I warned him it wouldn't be easy.

It's almost dinnertime.

I'll have to mark him as incomplete.

See you at school tomorrow.

Well, you'll always be
a five-star beagle to me, old pal.

"Spike Comes For a Visit."

Snoopy!

Sorry, Snoopy, but you got a letter.

And I found your driver.

What is it? What did it say?

"Dear Snoopy,

It's been too long between visits.
I miss you.

Let's get together for a mug of root beer.

Your brother, Spike."

Good call, Snoopy.

Needles is a long ways away,

so you'll wanna make sure
you're well prepared for the journey.

It actually gets quite cold
in the desert at night.

You might wanna pack some blankets
and extra socks.

You probably won't need an umbrella,
but you never know.

You should make sure you don't forget
to pack a can opener, or--

Save your breath, big brother. He's gone.

Good grief.

What are you reading, Charlie Brown?

It's a letter
from Snoopy's brother, Spike.

Snoopy left to visit him in Needles.

If you ask me, it sounds like
Spike's the one coming here for a visit.

What makes you say that?

Oh, good grief.

Haven't these dogs
ever heard of a telephone?

I'm sorry, Spike, but Snoopy's not here.
He went to visit you in Needles.

Don't worry, Spike.
Snoopy will figure it out.

While we're waiting,
do you wanna play a game of fetch?

Believe it or not,

that was the single best game
of fetch I've ever played.

What's going on, big brother?

Spike is making breakfast.

I didn't know dogs could make breakfast.

I hope Snoopy stays in Needles
at least until after dinner.

Snoopy, you just missed Spike.

He left you a note.

"Dear brother,

I was so looking forward to
getting together.

I still miss you. Your brother, Spike."

Are you sure this is a good idea?

I know you both miss each other,

but when you were walking home,
you also both missed each other.

"Rejection Letter Blues."

Busy mail day.

This one looks like it's for Snoopy.

Also for Snoopy.

Snoopy.

Snoopy. Snoopy.

"Occupant." Guess that could be for me.

Snoopy,
I see you're working on your latest novel.

I have letters from book publishers.

Must be about
those manuscripts you submitted.

Do you want me to read them to you?

"Dear contributor,

We are sorry to inform you

that we will not be publishing
your novel at this time."

"Dear contributor,

This book was not for us."

"Our suggestion going forward is
a new career choice."

"Regarding your recent submission,
we were very happy

when we were able to stop reading it."

Can I at least help you file these?

Snoopy, you work really hard
on your writing.

No matter what anyone says,
you should be proud of that.

You know, a lot of great books
were rejected the first time around.

The Great Gatsby, Little Women,
Bunny Wunny and the Carrot Patch.

The point is,
who cares if these letters are critical?

Maybe you can still do
something creative with them.

Here's something special to cheer you up.

Look, I added an egg to your food.

It's supposed to give you a shiny coat.

What do you think?

"Thank you for submitting your material.

However, we regret
that it doesn't currently suit our needs."

You're right. I could do better.

See? A little criticism isn't a bad thing.

Thank you, Snoopy.

Hi, Snoopy.

Would you like to play
a high-spirited game of chase the stick?

"Thank you, but we cannot accept
your offer at this time.

We hope you are successful elsewhere."

I'm sad, but also encouraged.

Come on, stick. Let's see
what this day has in store for us.

Oh, drifting leaf,

you are but a lonely reminder
of the autumn soon to come.

Was it Keats who wrote the famous lines,

"Seasons of mist
and mellow fruitfulness"--

"We are sorry to say
that you have exceeded your word count."

Is this letter for me or for Keats?

You like that, Snoopy?

Lucky for you that you ran into
the world's greatest head-scratcher.

"Your effort, while appreciated,
could improve in its quality."

Agree to disagree.

Can I help you?

"We are sorry to say
that your work lacks heart."

Heart? Heart? I'll give you heart!

"Too much heart."

Snoopy, I'm back with more food.

I thought about your criticism,

and I tried to be a little more
creative this time.

"We much prefer your earlier submissions."

Let me see. Snoopy wants
something closer to his classic dinner,

but he also wants it to be different.

But not 14th century castle different.

Look, Marcie. It says here,
"Your work leaves us speechless."

Isn't that great?

I'm not sure that's meant
as a compliment, sir.

Have you seen my report cards?

This is going straight on the fridge.

"Your style is a complete mess."

A surprisingly accurate assessment.

"Rambling"? I'm not rambling.
I've never rambled a day in my life.

What does rambling even mean?

"Your style is often abrasive
and unpleasant."

That sounds like criticism.

Snoopy can't go around
telling people what to do.

That's my job!

Good grief.

Snoopy. We need to talk.

When I said to find something creative
to do with your rejection notes,

I didn't mean to give them
to other people.

Criticism is only good
if you're trying to help someone.

Otherwise, it's just mean.
And no one likes that.

I should know.

"After careful examination,
we are pleased to say you show promise.

Please keep it up."

I'll take it.

So, what did you end up doing
with the rest of those rejection letters?