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05x19 - Wet Behind the Rears

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Beavis and Butt-Head". Aired: March 8, 1993 – present.*
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Adult animated series follows Beavis and Butt-Head, both voiced by Judge, a pair of teenage slackers characterized by their apathy, lack of intelligence, lowbrow humor, and love for hard rock and heavy metal music.

05x19 - Wet Behind the Rears

Post by bunniefuu »

Pole vaulters.

Baton passers.

Javelin throwers.

Whoa.

You dumb assI warned

you.

Yes! Yeah, yeah, here it is! It's about

time. It's on, buddy, it's on! Okay,

Beavis, now shut up. Oh, yeah, okay.

I'm just gonna shut my mouth and watch.

Yeah!Yeah, they're gonna kick some

a*s now. Beavis, you said you were gonna

shut up. Oh, sorry. I'm just gonna shut

up and listen. Yeah, Yeah kick it! Now

see, this guy, this guy's going up on the

roof. This guy doesn't know what's gonna

happen. And so, when he goes into his

apartment, they're gonna sweat the living

crap out of him. Check this out. Damn it,

Beavis, I told you to shut up. Okay, okay

I'm not gonna say anything. I'm just

gonna be quiet. I'm gonna be quiet for a

while.

Whoa, check this out, check this out.

Check this out, see?He's coming. He's

delivering room service. Beavis. Oh,

sorry. Yeah, I forgot. Yeah, this is

exciting. Yeah, yeah

Yeah, see, now that's Stuart Wallace.

See, Stuart Wallace, he plays himself.

This is gonna be cool when this video

finally comes out. What are you talking

about, Phoebus?You know, when the real

video finally comes out?This is a video,

dumbassNo way. That's cool.

Whoa. He put it. See, this is Fred Kelly.

He plays Bunny. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Neither

wins. See?It's Coachese. Coachese is

cool. Yeah, Coachese kicks a*s

That's the rookie. See Coachese back

there?Uh-huhSee, the rookie, he's got a

really short fuse, see?Ohh He's pretty

good, but it's like he's got a bad

temper, and so Coachese has to calm him

down sometimes. Cool.

All right, man, hit the showers, now! Ow.

Where the hell do you think you're going?

To claff?Um, yeah, he had a clap.

Me too. Maybe you didn't hear me when I

told you to hit the showers! Uh,

we thought you were, like, talking to

somebody else. I was talking to

everybody! But, like, uh, we didn't

sweat. Yeah, yeahAnd if it's all the

same, sir, um, I'd just like to wait till

I get home to take a shower. That'll be

all right. Look at you, boy! You're

covered in crap! Um, that was last

week. This is blood, sir. The

name of this class is Physical

Education, and that includes proper

personal hygiene. Hit the showers

now or fail. Uh,

well, it looks kind of crowded in there.

Do I have to undress you myself,

butthead?Uh,

no. Yeah, I mean, no.

This sucks. I hate taking showers. Yeah.

I don't want some naked dude standing

with a schlong right next to me. Yeah,

really. I don't want some naked dude

standing next to me with a schlong

swinging around saying, Hey, good game,

man. And you better not

look at me, fartknocker, or I'll kick

your assIf you look at me, I'm gonna kick

your assHey,

Beavis and Butthead, are you guys gonna

finally take a shower?

Uh.. Um.. Hey, dude.

I've never seen you guys take a shower

before. Yeah.

How come you guys never take a shower?

Hey, Beavis, it's all clear. Hey,

Beavis, can you help me with this?Ah

I'm beginning to wonder if you boys have

ever taken a shower in your lives. What

in the hell do you think you're doing

with your underwear still on?Um, we don't

want anybody looking at our nads. Yeah.

Are you one of those gym teachers that

likes to hang out and watch dudes in the

shower?Damn it, boy, you have pushed

me to the limit. You're not getting out

of it this time. I'm gonna tear your...

That's the fire alarm! Now hurry up and

get out of here!

Dude, we have been saved by the power

supreme. Yeah. Fire drill

rule. Are you deaf?That's a fire

alarm! Get the hell out of here now! Uh..

We're just gonna, like, get dressed

first. Yeah, we'll be right out. See you

later. That is a fire

alarm! That means the school may be

burning down. Now, if you don't get the

hell out ofhere I'm gonna personally grab

you by the Grundy's and drag you outside

in front of the entire student body So

get the hell out now!

A leak ohh

The edge

oh no I think there's that video where

this guy just sits there and just like

mumbles the whole time yeah I think

it's called numb it should be called

dumb yeah

yeah get his mouth yeah tie it around his

mouth yeah tie his jaw shut

that guy's playing

Excuse me, Edge. This really sucks. Maybe

we shouldn't do this. And

then Bono sang, If you don't stop

singing, I'm gonna make out with you.

Then I'm gonna rub my chin all over your

boobsYeah.

Wait a minute. This is cool.

Well, he's got a lot of self-control not

to like, you know, do anything about

that. Yeah, but you can't see his hands.

Oh yeah, oh

yeah. Yeah, Yeah yeah, kick him! Yeah,

there you go, yeah. Tap your foot in his

mouth! Yeah.

Oh, yuck! He just kissed him where that

chick put her feet! That's yucky. Yeah.

Check this out. Thank you very much,

Edge. Now, will you please get the hell

out of here?Up yours.

Yep, that's him, officers. Book him,

Danno. Kick him, Danno. Yeah, punch him.

He deserves it. He sucks. We charge you

with being in a sucky video for a crappy

song. Guilty as charged.

Well, where are they taking him?I think

they're gonna go t*rture him somewhere,

like to get him to say something. Oh

yeah, you mean like, I'm a monkey's uncle?

No, dumbassLike, you know, where the

money is or something like that. If I was

that dude, I'd just like, kick him in the

nads, and then like, smack their heads

together and then just like, tear a*s

Bebas, if that was you, they'd just like,

touch you, and then you'd go, Uhhhh,

I'm a monkey's uncle and I put the money

in my backyard. No sir.

They're making him fight the janitor.

Fight, yeah. If I was a janitor, I'd

like throw a bunch of sawdust with puke

at him, and I'd go, Now who's bad?Yeah,

yeah, really.

Whoa. Yeah, yeah, that doesn't look

really good.

What?You turned into a bird.

If I could turn into a bird... I'd turn

into a c*ck

Uh.. Uh..

Get out there before I drag you out!

Hey, look, it's Bevis

Good job! Not too bad! Another minute and

they might have been naked! Yeah!

Look at 'em!

Whoa, is this the scar-bellied sneeches?

Uh.. What the hell are you

talking about, babus?You know, the

scar-bellied sneeches?No.

I read it in this book at my cousin's

house it's like there's these sneches

that live on these beaches and like some

of them have stars and some of them don't

until they fight and it's like they roast

marshmallows and they like hit each other

with these sticks and then this dude

comes along with this machine and he like

puts them in there and puts stars on

their buttIt's really cool. Damn it

Beelis, you've never read a book in your

life. Well, I know but I

looked at the pictures and it was cool.

You butt-munch. You're a wuss.

Shut up, butthead. Star-bellied sneakers,

bro.

Whoa, look at him go. That's how I

was dancing that time I crashed the prom,

remember?Yeah.

Only you had your pants around your

ankles. Yeah, that was cool.

I was going, Ooh ah, oh ah, oh

ah Yeah. Only they kicked your

a*s out of there before you could even

bust a move.

This kind of rocks. Yeah. Make

me wanna boogie down.