05x39 - Close Encounters

[bunniefuu]

I've tried detention, suspension,

community service, intimidation.

Nothing keeps you too out of trouble. Do

you want to be expelled outright?

Kicked out of school for good?Condemned

to a life of stupidity?Robbed

of any hope to better yourselves?

OK. Yeah, me too. When can we

start?Get spelling in

here. I've tried every form of

discipline I know. It's time for

something drastic.

They're all yours.

No, no, wait a minute. So you're going

to be attending my sensitivity encounter

group. No, noWell, I'm thrilled.

We'll have you in touch with your

feelings in no time. Yeah.

Oh, cool, coolI haven't seen this video

in a while. This video kicks a*s but it.

Oh, yeah. This is that one where they're

all huge and they're like walking around

kicking buildings and stuff. Yeah, yeah,

yeahThis rules. They're like giants.

Yeah. Uh, it's like,

foe, fee, fum. I smell the

blood of an English dude. Yeah, yeahBe

he live or dead, I will grind his bone to

make my bread.

Grind his bone.

Jackson and Beanstalk rolls. Yeah.

So that would be cool if there were

really giants like this. And they're like

going around smashing things. Yeah, but I

mean, it would kind of suck if you were

like a little dude and like the giants

came by and just like squashed you and it

was like, no big deal. Uh, yeah.

That would hurt. I mean, it's like, you

know, those little ants and stuff that

I'm always stepping on. I mean, like,

what if they have like special feelings

and like, what if they have like, you

know, like friends and and like families

and-

Ow!Oh, yeah. You

know, this is kind of like that, that

Jack and the Beanstalk thing, you know,

with that big giant. You already said

that, Beavis. Really?I

don't remember. When did that happen?

Beavis, it was like a few seconds ago.

Remember?When I was doing that

fee-fi-fo-fum thing?No, I don't

remember that. Yes, you do, Beavis. And

then remember you started talking about,

like, ants and stuff?No.

What happened after that?Uh, this

happened.

Ow! Oh, yeah, yeahYeah,

I remember now.

Each of you is here with a longing to

share your feelings,To access your

vulnerability. Michael, why don't you

start us off?I don't know what to say.

Michael, share something. Share what

you're feeling now. I guess I'm really

just feeling nervous. Good. Go with

that. I guess I'm

nervous that you'll all think I'm a big

jerk. But, like, as soon as someone

really sees me, I'll know how stupid I

am. OK, let's stop right there. Let's

have a reality check. Does anyone think

Michael's a jerk for what he just shared?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, me too.

Jerk. Oh, God. Now hang on, butthead.

Perhaps you see a part of yourself in

Michael. Yeah,

my butt

And Beavis, is that what you feel?

Beavis feels himself. Shut up, Butthead!

I'll kick your assAnger.

Good. Go with that. Go ahead.

Let it flow. Beavis, tell Butthead how

angry you are. I'm like, um,

angry and stuff. Yeah. Butthead, express

your feelings now. Uh..

Tell you what. Pretend that pillow is

Butthead. Really let your anger flow.

You see, anger is often the first doorway

into our feelings. We pass through it to

our deeper inner cell. I'll k*ll you!

Die! Die! Die! You son of a b*tch

Whoa. Shuttle down, Beavis. Die!

Die! Very good,

very good, Beavis. Hey, hey, heyHey,

don't touch me, Athwife! I think we

need a quiet moment now.

Deep inside us is all the wisdom we could

ever need. All we have to do is open to

it. Be still, and don't be afraid to set

personal goals. You are lovable.

Love yourself. Honor what you

know. You are wise beyond words.

You will get that chick across from you.

You will see her thingies. It's going to

be cool.

Now think about this. We are all mirrors

for each other, but seldom do we reflect

back. The truth. Now look at the person

across from you and tell them what you

really feel inside. I think you're

bright. You have a lot of energy, but I

feel you hold yourself back behind walls.

Uh,

I think you suck.

And uh..

Let's see. You look really old.

I'm serious. You should look at yourself.

You should do something about

that. Well, it's been a long day and

hopefully you've all gained new access to

your feelings. Beavis and Butthead,

you've made the most progress of all.

You f*ck're a

dirty buttholeYeah,

I'm like, really pissed off at you. Dirty

buttholeWell, often the first feelings

are anger, but soon others will follow

and you'll be flowing from the well

within. Now go out into the world and

radiate the truth of who you are.

Whoa, cool. That's just like that

spaceship I was telling you about,

butthead. What spaceship?

You know, that one that landed right

outside my window and then, like, these

dudes came in the house and, like,

hypnotized me and then, like, took me

into space and stuff?Hey, check out these

marks on my leg. This is where they tried

to experiment on me. Viva, that's where

you got a gravel burn trying to look cool

on your bike. Oh yeah, yeah, that's

right. And you looked like a dork.

Yeah, that wasn't too good,

yeah.

Whoa! Check it out, buddy! They're gonna

put him in the oven! Yeah.

They're putting him in the oven 'cause no

one likes him anymore. I still

kinda like him, but, but you know, I

think it's cool that they're gonna put

him in the oven, you know. Yeah.

Who are these little guys?Uh..

I think these are, like, the seminiferous

nadclobule buttnoids. Oh, yeah, the

seminiferous buttcloids from outer space.

Yeah, that's what they are. They're gonna

climb inside his mouth and walk down to

his wiener. Yeah, yeahThis is gonna be

cool. You know, if I'm... if those

seminiferous nadule globule buttnoids

had to walk down my mouth and, like, all

the way down to my wiener... That would

be a long walk. You know what I'm saying?

You knowYeah. And then they'd

probably get lost and come out your

bungholeYeah. And then I could poop 'em

out. Poop!

Remember that time your mom's cat ate all

that string?And then for

like a week, she had like poop on her

rope?I mean, that was cool. It was like

sausage, like, that rope.

Bevis and Butthead?What have you done

now?We just came by to

express our feelings. Yeah, and we're

gonna let it flow.

Well, that sounds like a step in the

right direction. Yeah, I'm gonna take a

step over in this direction if you don't

mind. Feelings are cool.

Yeah. I have a feeling I'm

about to take a leak on this plant. Oh

yeah, I feel the same way

that I might even take a dump. What?Hey,

stop. What do you think you're doing?I'll

k*ll you, you little bastardGet

out of there.

I'm tired. Hey, buddy, you know who these

guys are?No. And I don't

care either. This is faith no more.

Yeah, right. Faith

no more. No, no, I'm serious. But it is.

See, they have a new sound.

And a new look. They just look and sound

like everything else. I don't know. It

kind of rocks. Shut up, Beavis. I want to

lay down. Move over. No way. No

way. I want to sit right here and watch

this. Come on, Beavis. Get up. No way,

Butthead. I always sit here.

Beavis, I'm going to give you 10 seconds

to get up. I've been sitting here for

years, and you've been sitting there, and

it's like, why change now?Come on,

Beavis. Besides, you always sit too

close to me. No way. If I move over

anymore, then there's a spring that goes

up my bunghole

Hey, Beavis. My uncle was

over here and he like left a six foot

poop in the toilet and he didn't flush.

Really?You should check it out. If it's

still there. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to

go have a look.