06x04 - Feel a Cop

[bunniefuu]

prostit*tes are coming to Highland.

Whoa. Yeah, yeah, cool.

That's right. But they're actually police

women posing as prostit*tes. Officials

say Highland doesn't have much of A

prostitution problem, and they are

determined to keep it that way. The new

campaign will feature female officers

dressed as ladies of the night, ready to

arrest anyone who makes the mistake. Of

propositioning them.

Positioning them. I'll

hold it in that position while I pull

down my pants.

prostit*tes.

We're there. Yeah.

If it hadn't been for Cotton Eye Joe I'd

been married a long time ago Uhhh,

what is this?Oh, I know.

Is that song Cotton Eye Joe?We used to

sing this in kindergarten.

Oh ohh yeah, I remember that.

Kindergarten was cool. Yeah, yeah, but

kindergarten rules. It was like finger

paints and you just like mess everything

up and then you like drink a bunch of

Kool-Aid and then go like lie down on

your little towel. That was rule. Yeah.

That was back when school was cool. Yeah,

really. And then like sometimes I'd go

running around with my pants down and

it's like I wouldn't even get in trouble.

Remember that time in kindergarten when

we were playing store and you called the

teacher a wh*re and then you

tried to giveSome of that play money?

I think that was the first time I ever

got some. You didn't get any, Beavis.

She just spanked you and told you to shut

up. I know. No, that's

what I'm talking about.

Ohh This is kind of freaking me out. Can

you change your butt hit?Cool.

Are you gonna have another theater?

Yeah, come on, buddy, change it. Ohh

That's pretty cool. I've been

very long time

ago Where did you come from Where

did you go Where did

you come from

You know everything I've ever needed to

know. I learned in kindergarten.

You don't need to know anything.

I learned it in kindergarten.

Now remember, the Johns got to make a

clear offer. Money for sex or the charges

won't hold up. Yeah, Yeah I know how it

works.

Hey Beavis, there's one.

Cool.

Check this out.

Hey, baby. Hi

there. Whoa.

I like, uh.. How much or

something?Fifty. Cool.

Hey, Beavis, you got fifty cents?

No. 50 bucks. This is just

what we need. 50 bucks to do

it. She must really want it. She's going

to pay us 50 bucks to do it. God,

what a dumbass

You dumbassVery funny, guys.

Now, why don't we go up to my room?Yeah,

let's get naked. Hey, cool. He's

f*cking naked.

Why don't you come a little closer?I

won't bite.

Whoa, hey, check it out,There's a giant

rubber in the bathroom. This could be it.

Come on. Make a specific offer for sex.

Make a specific offer for sex. That's a

shower cap, dumbass

Check this out.

Look, forget about the bathroom. So,

like, uh, what now?

That depends on you. You've got to tell

me what you want to do. UhI'd

like to do it. Yeah, yeahMe too.

Really?What exactly do you mean

by it?

No, really. What does it mean?

You know, it. Yeah.

And we want to see

It my thingies.

Come on, you're both big boys. Can't you

just be a little more specific?

No. Look,

I can't help you guys unless you say very

specifically what you want. I need a

hard offer of money for sex.

Hard. Damn it. Please don't blow it.

Are you interested in paying cash for

sexual intercourse?Is that what you

want?

Sexual intercourse.

Damn it, Linda. That's entrapment. Hey,

check it out. This chick really wants it.

I've never seen anything like this.

Uh, okay.

He's a dog lover.

Would you do a dog, Beavis?

Let me think about that. You

mean like, if I could never score with a

chick?Yeah. If you could never score with

a chick, would you do a dog?

HmmLet me think. I don't

know, I guess. Like, maybe a beagle would

be nice. Or a Dalmatian or something.

It depends on their personality. You do a

dog.

You know, I'd probably have to, like, go

around, like, you know, sniff its butt

first, you know

That reminds me of this joke. There's

these two dudes, and they see this dog

licking its nads. And so, uh,

they say, Why does it do that?

And then the one dude goes, uh, because

he can. And then he says, well,

maybe you ought to pet him first.

So, So why does he lick his nats then?

Because he can. Get

it?Not really, I mean, anybody can

lick a dog's nats. So what?I knew

what I should do

Uh, so you mean you're, like, just a cop?

Yes. So, like, uh, if you're a cop,

why don't you get rid of this dork so we

can get it on?

Look, you're lucky you didn't get

arrested. Yeah, really. Hey, um, do you

know of any real prostit*tes around here?

'Cause, um, I still have a stiffy

Get out of here!

We were gonna pay money for sex. Oh

man, this looks like the opening to that

show. Um, that late night. Yeah. It's

like, top 10 tall places to take a

crap off of. Yeah, that's

kinda disgusting.

You think he's really up there on that

building like that?Uh.. no. People

don't do that anymore. It's like they

have computers and they like just fake

it. Oh, yeah, yeahNobody has any ba*ls

anymore. What, you think he's gonna

jump?no. I don't

care either. You know what would

be really cool?Is if, like, he took a

leak from up there. Yeah, yeahHe should

take two dumps, one leak, cut the cheese,

and then he should jump. And that would

rule! Yeah!

He put it. This reminds me of that movie

I saw, um.. that crocodile dum-dee.

And, um, I was just gonna say,You know,

he's from Down Under.

You know,

Down Under. OK, Beavis, I get it. Down

Under. You

know, this is kind of like that movie

with the Beatles in it where they're

playing on the roof. Oh, yeah, yeah I saw

that on the Discovery Channel. The

Beatles suck. Yeah, really. How come

everybody likes them so much?I don't

know. Maybe it's because they were

handsome. You

should try to get in the Beatles. I heard

they have an opening.

Opening.