06x10 - Vidiots

[bunniefuu]

So, Lisa, without your knowledge, your

dating service set you up with a crazed

cult leader who practiced ritual animal

mutilations. All they told me was he

liked animals.

Yeah, dead animals. Well,

what about the satisfied customers, Tom?

It was great, man. I'd call up the dating

service, and they'd send me another

victim. My attorney says you

shouldn't give your real name, Geraldo.

Next time, I'll know better. Clearly,

dating services are helping people meet

people, but do they meet the right people?

When we come back, would you use a dating

service?That's our focus on Geraldo.

Oh, he's not even on a pogo stick and he

can do that. I'll be damned. Yeah.

Uh.. Hey, Satan, how's it going?

How come whenever you see, like, Satan in

the video, it's just some dork in a

costume?Yeah. the

real Satan doesn't do videos yeah unless

it's like for Danzig or something

if they really had Satan on this song

it's like you'd hear him talking

backwards and stuff it's like he can do

that ohh yeah yeahYou know, I can talk

backwards. No, you can't. Yes,

sir. Check this out.

Snare it, bro. Oh,

snake. Whoa.

That was cool. Yeah, yeahDo

it again, Beavis. UmOkay.

Check this out.

UmOkay, here we go. UmSee?Oh,

it's fine.

that was cool so

like what did you say just then I said

I said um hey how's it going

you should try it uh let me see uh

Beavis is a wolf I mean

What's uh, is Beavis?Yeah, yeah, see?See

anybody can do it. ... for you,

one that looks in the assOh, cool.

How do you do that, Beavis?You just talk

backwards. Yeah, but like, how?Like this,

um.. I am... by the

way... This is...

Dammit, I forgot! I can't do it anymore!

You can't do it anymore.

Don't tell me. Let me guess. You men want

a date. Yeah, we want two of them

and make it snappy. I want one

with big boobs please.

Handsome and funny.

Well, first I need you to answer a couple

of questions here on our compatibility

quiz. Butthead?They didn't say anything

about a quiz. Shut up, Davis. Do you want

to score or not?OK,

names. I'm Butthead.

Hey, that's OK. A lot of clients don't

use their real names. So what do you do

for a living?You mean like Burger

World?Great. A chef. I

usually work the grill myself. What's

your name?My attorney

says you shouldn't give your real name,

Geraldo. Geraldo.

Geraldo. Oh, wonderful.

Oh, I love Spanish men. Now tell me

about your long-term goals in a

relationship. Long. Yeah. I

just

want to, like, be a father

over and over again. Oh,

how refreshing. Most people just want

sex, sex, sex. Uh,

how do you meet those chicks?

Ohh Anyway, now comes the fun part. You

get to make a video. Cool.

Are we gonna, like, be naked?Oh,

you.

Uh, hey, baby.

My name's Butthead. And I'm like a

pleasure machine.

I'm curious, Geraldo. When you meet a

woman, a woman like me say, what are you

looking for?I usually look all over.

It's nice to find someone who sees the

total person. Usually I feel like the

whole scene is such a meat market. Meat.

Oh, yeah. Your mission is to

turn me on.

So like my interests are like

doing it.

And, uh, that's about it. Geraldo,

do you believe in chemistry?You mean like

explosions?Yes, Yes

exactly. Do you feel it?

I was feeling it when I first came in,

and I had to use that hand to fill out

that form. But since we've been standing

here, I've been feeling it some more.

Ohh Geraldo, a million men have passed

through here, but none like you. Yeah.

So what I'm really trying to say is I'm

just a pleasure machine.

I think I forgot that part. Plus, like,

it's a first-come, first-served deal.

Listen, I can't let my supervisor catch

me, but would you mind if I called you?

Yeah. I could, like, tell you

about what I'm feeling. Oh,

Geraldo.

Yeah, yeahOne out of five, one

out of five. We have a wild man in the

cemetery. Repeat, a wild man in the

cemetery?Yeah. Perpetrator was

last seen running around like some kind

of butt monkey. Please, uh,

apprehend and stuff. Yeah, yeahAnd, um,

and, uh, kick his assYeah, yeah, kick him

in the mat. Help

me, Jesus, help me clean my wounds

All these videos nowadays, it's like they

have this one really weird dude in 'em.

Yeah, yeah, it's like all of them have

this one really weird guy running around.

Except for this video. Uh, yeah.

Beavis was talking about this video. They

got that dude with the damn tattoo and

the bald head. Yeah, but he's not that

weird. There's dudes like that

everywhere. I know, and they're all

weird. Ohh

It's like, um,

yeah, it's like everybody knows that, you

know, like, you know, like death and like

the the graveyard and all that stuff,

they're all pretty cool and everything,

but it's like, it's like they need to

show it like in a new way or something.

Yeah, really. It's like, you

know, it's pretty cool that they decided

to do a video in a graveyard, you know,

with like a little crazy dude running

around, but it's like, I've already seen

it. Yeah Yeah yeah, exactly. It's like, I

mean, I don't have all the answers, you

know, it's like I probably couldn't do a

better job myself, but, you know, I just

gotta say, you know, frankly, um,

it's been done, you knowFrankly.

Hey, Frank. Hey,

Frank. Oh, man. Oh,

man. Hey, Frank.

Hello?Who?

Damn it. For the last time, there aren't

any Mexicans here. It's like every

time she calls for this herando dude,

it's like she could be blocking a call

from a chick.

I'll get it. Get

it.

Hi. I'm here to turn on the pleasure

machine. Oh, that's okay. The TV

works fine now. The remote just needed

some new batteries. Damn

it. All these interruptions are making it

hard to concentrate on scoring.

Yeah, but like, when we're scoring?

That'll give us time to think about other

stuff. What?Oh, I guess you're

saying, like, it all evens out in the

end. Yeah. That's the rear

end.

Is this boy George?Yeah.

He's all fat now. I heard

he's trying to be all like manly and he's

like not gonna dress up like a chick

anymore. He's a

turd.

You know, he's bisexual. Ohh

I know what that

means, but you know, just as a test, why

don't you tell me what that means?You

dumbass you don't know?It means he has

two lawns. So

like, um, if you had two wieners, how

many gnats would you have?Uh.. I guess

you'd have, you know, like, uh.. three or

something. And then, oh, and then I just

thought of something else. So like, if

you have two wieners, you know, like, if

if you go to take a leak, you just, like,

decide which one you're gonna... take a

leak out of or do you take a leak out of

both of them?You know, like sometimes

maybe let's say you got a bonus. Would it

be like both of them at the same time?

You should do stand-up comedy, Beavis. Oh

really?Thanks, yeah. I think so too,yeah.