07x41 - Beavis and Butt-Head Are Dead

[bunniefuu]

OK, people, settle down.

Askewitz. Here. Butt

kiss. Yeah. Beavis.

Butt head.

I already told you I don't want to hear

about Beavis and Butthead. If you have a

problem with them, take care of it

yourself. But they haven't been in class

for three weeks. I'm very

concerned. OK?What do

you want me to do about it?Those kids are

k*lling me. Oh, when I think

back on all the trouble they've caused

me. Oh, God.

Don't you think we should give their

parents a call?Do they even have

parents?Well, I'd have to assume

so. Mistress,

find Beavis and Butthead's phone numbers,

call their parents, and find out why

those two aren't in school.

What in tarnation's a skyscraper?It's a

very tall building, Mr. Clavid. What in

tarnation's a building?Ooh, of course we

cannot accept that. Everyone knows the

country's full name is Outer Mongolia.

Good morning, Katie. Good morning,

Bryant. How are you?Me?I couldn't be

better. Yourself?Just fine. Damn it.

Everything on TV sucks. Yeah,

this sucks. Maybe we should, like, get

another TV. Shut up,

Buttwad. I'm trying to watch this crap.

Hey, I'm butthead. I think the phone is

ringing. Yeah,

so make it stop.

That's right. Bernie's

still dead

and stiffer than ever. Who are you?

This is Highland High calling. I'm trying

to find out why Beavis and Butthead have

not been in school for the past three

weeks. Oh, me. Yeah, they're dead. So,

Lisa, without your knowledge,

your name would set you up from a grace

to hopefully practice control of animal

mutilations. Ohh

Mistress! Sir, I have some bad

news. Beavis and Butthead are

dead. Oh, what?No, it

can't be. Oh, my God.

Oh. That's the best news I have ever

heard. Oh. Yeah.

Oh, my God. I'll be damned.

It's finally over. How could it happen?I

knew it was going to be either me or

them. Yeah. I thought I'd never get

rid of them. Oh, yeah. Oh,

yeah. Please don't grant me any more

wishes, Genie, and it'll only make Dr.

Bellow think I'm correct. crazy. No, it

won't, master. Not if you are dressed

like Socrates, the wisest man of all

time. That wasn't driftwood

pile. That was a statue I was carving for

the colonel. Damn it. We've seen all this

crap before. Yeah, this sucks. Do those

butt wipes actually think we're going to

sit here and watch the same crap over and

over again?Shazam, shazam,

shazam.

Students. I have sad

tidings. It's been a

terrible tragedy, and I wanted you to

hear it from me first. Listen up! Ohh

Beavis and Butthead are dead! There will

be an emergency faculty meeting in the

teachers' conference room in five

minutes, followed by a brief party.

Whoo! Yeah! I realize you're all probably

in a state of shock.

Two souls we knew very well have suddenly

been taken from us. But it's

important that we let our emotions flow,

not bottle them up.

I know how difficult this must be for

you. Perhaps I'll start, OK?

The memories I'll always cherish of

Beavis and Butthead are the times we got

beyond the student-teacher relationship.

And got to know each other as people.

This is a song I wrote especially for

this occasion. It's called men.

Men have feelings

too. May

I share mine with you?

The inner child cries from deep

within. Nurture me,

brother. This is the worst song

I've ever heard. Yeah. This

sucks. May I

share mine with you?The

thing to remember about nature

photography is...

He sure does like to touch. Yeah.

He tried to touch my wiener. What?

You little liar! Back off, you pervert!

He's lying! Hey, don't you dare lay a

finger on my students. Beavis, did he hit

you?Um, yes, sir. He did.

Thank you for your concern. Why, you

little dirt ball! You want to touch my

students?I'll touch you! I'll get you,

you little fox!

Uh.. No, thank you, sir. Thank you, guys.

Stop it! Stop it! You're

dead heavy. Okay, people, it's obvious

we're all a little overexcited. I think

I'll cool things down with a little song

I wrote. It's called

Touch A Mountain. OK,

children of the earth

rejoice. Each

new day we have a choice.

So touch a

mountain, climb

a mountain, feel a

mountain. Oh, damn it, I missed the turn.

That was cool. Yeah.

That was cathartic.

Class, don't be afraid to let your

feelings flow. It's our memories that

keep the spirits of loved ones alive.

Does anyone have something to share about

Beavis or Butthead?Anyone?

Um, Daria, I've seen you talking with

them. Well, I guess it's kind of sad that

they're dead and all, but it's not like

they had bright futures ahead of them. I

mean, I remember this time when I was

walking home from school. There they

were. What

are you guys doing?Diarrhea

cha cha cha. Diarrhea cha cha cha.

Diarrhea cha cha cha.

Get a life. Now,

works by the master painters of the

century.

He said master painters. Oh,

yeah. You guys will never graduate.

Never masturbate. Graduate.

It's when you're all done with school.

You mean like school ends?

I rest my case.

Thanks for your honesty, Daria. You're

right, Beavis and Butthead did have a

difficult journey through this life.

I can only hope that now they found

whatever it was they were looking for.

Thing to remember when raising turnips

is not to let them over. Hunger for

peace and brotherhood. Hunger for food.

It's pretty cool. And now

back to asbestos and obstetrics.

Damn it, this pisses me off. If we don't

see some boobs or some explosions or

something. Yeah, poop. That'd be cool.

Yeah, yeah, or like some butts,

then I'm going to get pissed offYeah,

really.

Oh, there

were a couple of

dumbassesCome

on, people. Let's show some respect.

OK?Respect. Those boys never

showed me any respect. It took every

ounce of my self-control not to k*ll

them. So, Beavis and

Butthead. I understand Mr.

McVicar has made a little arrangement

with you guys. Yeah, a little probation.

You see, Class Beavis and Butthead here

are not allowed to laugh for a whole

week. That's right, and if they do laugh,

they'll be expelled and they'll have to

go to Hope High School, where they'll get

their asses kicked on a daily basis by

all the other delinquents. Ha ha ha!

Well, I was real glad to hear that,

because this is Sex Education Week.

That's right, sex Ed week.

We're going to be talking about the

p*nis. We'll be talking about

the vag*na. Do you think that's funny,

butthead?Do you find it amusing that

we'll be talking about the testicles?

Yes, we're also going to be talking about

venereal disease, sexual

intercourse, the scrotum, the

cliquorus, and and we

will definitely be spending a lot of time

talking about masturbation

Pitiful. Are you a

man?Yeah. What makes

you think so?Uh, I got

testicles.

You want to see a man, boy?I'll

show you a man. Kick me in the

jimmy! No way. I

said do it!

Yes! Do it again! Do it

hard!

Yes! Whoa, that

was cool.

Why this is my responsibility, I have no

idea. So I'm only going to say this once.

I order you to enter the latrine

and defecate pronto.

This is your target. Do you understand

me?Don't make me beat the living crap out

of you.

Just thinking about them offends my sense

of human dignity. I hope their deaths

were slow and painful. Now Beavis

and Butt Head were sometimes

misunderstood in life. Must they also be

misunderstood in death?

Those boys were no good, and nothing good

was ever going to come out of them. If

your disrespect for the dead is any

indication of how you treat the living,

I'll kindly thank you to keep your

distance from me. OK?Calm down,

everybody. This is no time for arguing.

We should be celebrating. That's right.

We should be celebrating their lives and

try to turn this tragedy into something

positive. I have a wonderful

thought. Let's take up a memorial

collection in Beavis and Butthead's

names. We can start a scholarship for

other, uh, unique

students. Damn. Hippie talk.

No, noThat's a good idea. Ohh

We can exploit their deaths to raise

money for the school. Yeah. Well, that's

not exactly what I-- We're doing this.

Those two owe the school for all the

damage they caused. Besides, we could use

a new teacher's lounge. I'll call the TV

station.

Today, tragedy strikes this local school.

Two students missing for three weeks are

now reported dead. Whoa. Check it

out. There's, like, dead people at

school. Yeah, yeah, yeahFinally something

good on TV. Yeah. Cool. This

young woman is a student at Highland

High. You knew the dead boys. Tell us

what they were like before. They were

always hitting on me.

Hey, baby. Come

to Butthead. For the man's

time, don't ever talk to me again.

Yeah, that's

what those two were like.

Whoa, hey, Beaver. I know that chick.

I, like, scored with her and stuff.

Really?I thought you never scored.

Wow, count me down. Uh, yeah.

It's like we were in class, and I was

like...

Hey, baby. Come

to Butthead. And she was like,

you know, I've always wanted you,

Butthead.

And then we did it. It

was cool. Oh, yeah, yeahYou

got a pretty good memory, bud. You know,

that kind of reminds me of the time

that...

Yeah, that was cool.

This was the dead student's best friend.

Would you like to say something about

your dead friends?They were the

greatest. We did everything together.

There was this one time that we were all

at my house.

Man, I sure love baseball. Can I

alphabetize your baseball card collection?

Can I, like, help you build your model

airplane?Not today, guys.

We don't have time for that. Mom said

she'd help us bake low-fat macaroons.

That would be swell.

Your mom is cool, Stewart. Ohh

What a wuss. Yeah, yeah

What the hell is Stewart doing on TV?He's

not dead. This sucks. Where

are the dead bodies and stuff?Yeah, these

bungholes aren't showing anything. Yeah,

I guess if we want to see dead bodies, we

gotta like. Get up and go to school

ourselves.

Mr. Mcvicker, I've gone ahead and

started a grassroots campaign to collect

money in Beavis and Butthead's names. Is

that all those little b*stards are worth?

If we plant these pennies today, they may

blossom into a bright future for some

other deserving students. That way, some

good will come of this tragedy. You're

damn right it's good. We haven't had this

much excitement at school since the

president came to visit. Remember that?

Are you for or against Japanese trade

restrictions?What are you prepared to do

about sexual harassment?Given the budget

deficits, you think the Super Collider is

really necessary at this time?

Pull my finger. No. Come on, Beavis, pull

it. No way.

And now the President of the United

States, Bill Clinton.

Hello, my fellow young Americans. You

know I've always been interested in young

people. That's it. Get him. Get him.

Whoa, it's McDicker. Cool.

Beat the crap out of him. Use the

chokehold. Use the chokehold. Well,

no use wasting time with the past. Those

boys are dead. Ha ha. Principal

Mcvicker, what is your reaction to the

deaths of?Brevis and

headbutt. Well,

what kind of a God could take

such fine boys in

their prime?But we will find

some good in this tragedy.

This jar contains a collection I've

started in their names.

These pennies that we

plant today will become a whole

lot of cash tomorrow, but

no, no amount of money can make up

for their absence. I would gladly

give back all the money just to see

Beavis and Butthead one more

time. OK, Mcdecker.

Give us some money. What?Where the hell

are the dead people?Ohh I'll just go

ahead and take that. So you're

supposed to be dead.

I'll k*ll

you. Breaking the

law

Breaking the law Breaking the law

Breaking the law

Whoa, a dead body. Check it out. Give

the man some air. He's not dead yet. Oh

no.

Come on, Beavis, let's get out of here.

Hey, Beavis, did you see McVicker?

He was like, ohh

And then Buzzcut made out with him.

We should go to school early tomorrow,

you know, in case someone else dies.

DumbassWe're rich. We don't

have to go to school ever again. Yeah,

yeah, yeahThat's pretty damn

cool.

I'll be

seeing you

in all the old

familiar places

That this heart of

mine embraces

all day through

I'll find you in the

morning sun

And when the night is

new

I'll be looking at the

moon But

I'll be

seeing you