01x04 - The Story of Us (But More About Me)

[bunniefuu]

All right, rockers, time
for a little freestyle jam sesh.

Freddy, you ready
to pound those skins?

Locked and loaded.

[plays drums]

Zack, Tomika,
you fools ready to shred?

- Bring it.
- Let’s do this.

[both playing guitars]
- Oh.

You both scare me,
and I dig it.

Lawrence, you all
set to tickle those keys?

Oh, come on,
they get to pound and shred,

and I have to tickle?

Fair point.

Wail on those keys like they
just called your mama "stupid."

That woman does
the best she can

with the tools
she was given.

Yeah.
Yeah, that’s right, rock--

Summer, banging
on the tambo.

[plays tambourine off-key]

Okay, Summer.

Double tamb!

Okay.
You can--

Sweet jam sesh.

I think we’re ready
to lay that track down.

[chuckles]
Summer, the tambourine

is a subtle instrument.

It makes more of an impact
when it makes less of an impact.

You feel me?

I think. So you’re saying
I should do less?

Well, if you say so.

As a matter of fact,

let’s get you a brand-new,
slightly more quiet instrument.

Bang these together,
hard as you want.

Just feel the music.

But how will anybody--

Two, three, four!

[band plays rock]

[coughing]

Yeah, there we go, people.
Now we’re jamming.

♪ Stop tellin’ me
to read between the lines ♪

♪ It all adds up
to one thing ♪

Five, four, three,
two, one.

♪ If you think you’re gonna
lose your cool ♪

♪ Well, sometimes you gotta
break the rules ♪

♪ Hey, show me what you know,
give it up to rock ’n’ roll ♪

♪ ’Cause we ain’t
gonna stop ♪

♪ ♪

♪ If you’re feeling like
you’re gettin’ schooled ♪

♪ There’s a answer
right in front of you ♪

♪ Hey, show me what you know,
give it up to rock ’n’ roll ♪

♪ ’Cause we ain’t
gonna stop ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪
- ♪ Are you ready to rock? ♪

[rock music]

[humming bass line]

[drumming with pencils]

[humming keyboard riff]

[humming guitar riff]

[all humming]

♪♪

[off-key]
♪ Hi yi yi yi, ya yi yi yi! ♪

No?

Okay.

[school bell rings]

He’s late, again.

I don’t get it. How much time
does it take to not shower?

Here is today’s bulletin,
Mr. Fi--Mr.--

[scoffs]
Class, where is Mr. Finn?

Is he t*rd?
- Shh.

Principal Mullins,
I’m so glad you’re here.

Oh. Why?

Uh, I’m not sure.

We wanted to show you
our class hamster.

Oh, my gosh.
Nibbles escaped.

And he took his cage
with him.

My homework too.

Before we look for hamsters,
let’s find Mr. Fi--

Oh, hello,
Principal Mullins.

I didn’t hear you come in.

But I--
I mean, you--

I know.

We’re all at a loss
for words about Nibbles.

But life goes on.

Well, don’t worry,
children.

I’m sure your hamster
will turn up.

You know, I have some extras
in my office.

Black or brown?

Black, please.

[all sigh]

Whew!

Thanks for covering
for me, guys.

You need to be careful,
Mr. Finn.

You’ve been late a lot,

and Principal Mullins
hates t*rd.

What? When have I ever
been late before?

[whistling]

Good morning, students.
[school bell rings]

Good work, guys.

You nailed it.

Great effort.

See you guys tomorrow!

Okay, fine.

But let’s get started.

We still need to find
one more amazing, original song

to end our set
at the Battle of the Bands.

What about our poetry
homework?

Songwriting is poetry.

If you’d ever listen to AC/DC,
you’d know that.

Great bands can’t exist
without great songwriting.

So who’s our songwriter?

We don’t have one
but don’t worry.

I put an ad online, so I’m sure
we’ll find a great songwriter,

and hopefully,
I’ll sell that futon.

I’ll be our songwriter.

Have you ever written
a song before?

No, but I do write
our family’s newsletter.

Uncle Mark went to Peru.

Oh, well,
felicidadesto Uncle Mark.

But it isn’t that easy.

Songwriting is a craft
you have to work at.

It takes time.

You got to write hundreds
of songs

before you can master the art.

What’s this?

100 songs.
I wrote them.

- Since yesterday?
- I know.

I would’ve written more, except
I had to do my algebra homework,

which was the motivation
for my song "Algebra Homework."

"Y equals five.

Why, oh, why must
Y equal five?"

Instant classic.

Mm-hmm.

There’s another song here,
"Grocery List,"

that looks like
it’s just a grocery list.

"Apples, paper towels,
bread, bread, bread."

"Bread" is the chorus.

- Ah, ha ha.
- Yeah.

Um...

Summer, I respect you
too much to lie to you,

so I’m gonna give you
some constructive criticism.

- Okay.
- These songs are awful.

Like, crazy bad.

Mr. Finn,
constructive criticism

is supposed to be
about specific things.

Well, specifically,
this...

is terrible.

I get it. I’m not good enough
for anything in this band.

Oh, come on.

If you really
want to write a song,

look at some of
your favorite artists

and find out
how they do it.

You mean like
a research project?

I call it sitting around
and listening to music,

but whatever works.

Thanks, Mr. Finn.
I’m on it.

Anytime.

♪ Y equals five
Why, oh, why does Y-- ♪

Just ’cause I’m singing it
doesn’t mean it’s good.

[rock music]

Pop quiz--

Van Halen with David Lee Roth
or Van Halen with Sammy Hagar?

- Trick question. Both.
- Oh, Mr. Finn, Mr. Finn.

I’m glad I ran into you.

Hello, Principal Mullins.

Lovely day, isn’t it?

You look very principal-y.

Thank you.

Mr. Finn, there’s something
I’d like to speak

to you about in private.

Can you meet me in my office
this afternoon at 3:00?

Oh, private meeting.

What are we gonna do--

talk smack about all
the teachers we can’t stand?

Love it.

I’ll bring snacks.

Pound it.

I don’t know
what’s happening right now.

Yeah.

What’s up, fellas?

Why are your mouths
open like that?

Principal Mullins said
she wanted to speak with you,

in private.

You don’t think
she wants to date, do you?

I really don’t need the drama of
a workplace romance right now.

When Principal Mullins
speaks to a teacher,

it’s almost always
to fire them.

Wait. You think
she wants to fire me?

I hope not.

This school would stink
without you here.

It would just be
like...school.

It’s true, Mr. Finn.

Thanks to you,
I’ve got confidence.

Plus, you helped me work
on my game with the ladies.

- Hi, Lawrence.
- What’s up, Esme?

I’m falling.

In the old days,
that would have gone badly.

You have to impress
Principal Mullins in the meeting

and keep your job.

So far, you’ve only had
to deal with Mullins

for five minutes, tops.

This is
an actual meeting.

You’re looking at a full
half hour of good behavior.

You’re right, my record
for good behavior is 11 minutes.

I’m toast.

No, we can help you.

I know what it takes
to impress adults.

I’ve been fooling
my friends’ moms into thinking

I’m a good influence
for years.

It’s true. My mom’s all, "Why
can’t you be more like Freddy?"

She brought a picture
of him to my last haircut.

Mm. That’s just weird.

And the barber
didn’t even come close.

You’ve taught us
how to be rock stars.

Now let us teach you
how to behave like an adult.

- Okay, mold me.
- Lesson one--

at the meeting,
don’t wear flip-flops.

How would she ever
even notice?

[sandals flopping loudly]

[rock music]

Oh, no,
here comes my brother.

What do you think
it’s gonna be today,

make fun of my height,
my hair,

or punch me in the arm?

Hey. You’re short.

Your hair looks dumb.

Is that all
you losers got?

My grandma
hits harder than--

Tomika, shh!

Guys, guys, guys, I’ve been
researching Taylor Swift,

and I figured out
how to write way better songs

for us to play together.

Good-bye, eraser clapper.

Hello, songwriter.

I thought your song
"Texting with Tomika"

was pretty catchy.

Thanks.
But Taylor’s songs

are all about dating
and breakups and stuff.

So I’m gonna do
what she does.

I’m going to find a boyfriend,
break up with him,

and wear cute boots.

You look so cute
in cute boots.

But getting a boyfriend
sounds hard.

I don’t need a real boyfriend,
just someone to pretend,

so I can write great songs.

He doesn’t even have to
"like me" like me.

No way!

Not interested.

You’re so funny, Zacky.

I’m so lucky
I’m your girlfriend,

which, in turn,
makes you my boyfriend.

Yo, Zack.

Oh.
Hey, Ashton.

My arm’s really sore.

Can you just punch me
in the face?

I didn’t know
you had a girlfriend.

- She’s not my girl--
- That’s baller, bro.

Makes me not want
to punch you.

Okay, I’ll do it.
I’m your boyfriend.

Yay.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

Carry my bag?

I don’t think so.

I mean, of course I will.

My boyfriend
will be paying.

Boop.

Better than
getting punched.

I’m just gonna go
dump our trays, honey-boo.

Speaking of dumping, I think
it’s time for us to break up.

Break up?

We just started dating
a half hour ago.

I know,

and it’s been a super-special
half hour, Zack.

I’ve gotten so much
out of this relationship--

the highs, the lows,

the 28 minutes in the middle
where not much happened.

Uh, okay.

But I’m gonna pretend
you’re still my girlfriend,

ot because I like you.

I like not getting punched.
- I understand.

Breakup selfie.

[rock music]

Mr. Finn.
- Oh, Summer.

Good.
You’re here.

Zack’s amp’s
been shaking funny,

and we were hoping you could sit
on it to dampen the noise.

What?
I’m no amp dampener.

I am a songwriter.

I did what you said,
and I wrote a relationship song,

just like Taylor Swift does.

"’A Relationship Song,
Just Like Taylor Swift Does’...

by Summer."

Summer, I’m sorry.

I know how badly you want
to write songs for the band,

but these words
just feel fake.

It’s like this whole boyfriend
thing was made up.

It’s not!
It’s real.

You don’t see my brother
out there, do you?

So, I still don’t get
to write our song

for Battle of the Bands?

What am I supposed to do now?

Fine.
I’ll get on the amp.

You’re awesome.

All right, let’s do it.
Two, three, four...

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[voice warbling]
I kind of miss the erasers.

♪ ♪

[rock music]

Remember, Mr. Finn,

your job depends
on you acting like an adult

in your meeting
with Principal Mullins.

So we’ve come up
with a way to train you.

You mean teach me?

Yeah, sure.

You’re gonna pretend like you’re
talking to Principal Mullins.

Whenever you do something right,
you get a treat.

Ooh, licorice.
I like that.

[zap]
Yow!

And whenever you do something
wrong, you get that.

I don’t like that.

You said this was
an ab sculptor.

Would you have worn it
if I told you

it was a homemade
shock machine?

If it gave me a six-pack.

Now, Lawrence is going to
greet you as Principal Mullins.

Greet her with a handshake,
not a fist bump,

and do not call her "bro,"
"man," or "dude."

Got it?

Hello, Mr. Finn.

Hello, Principal Mullins.

That’s a very firm handshake.

Thanks, dude.
[zap]

Aah!
Dude!

[zap]
Dude!

[zap]
Dude!

[zap]
Dude!

[zap]
Dude!

- Stop saying "dude"!
- Dude!

Dude!
[zap]

Dude!
[zap]

Dude!
[zap]

I just want some licorice.

In conclusion,
Principal Mullins,

I cherish every moment
I get to spend with these kids,

and it’s an honor
to teach at this fine academy.

- He’s ready.
- [sighs]

[gulps and chews]

All right, let’s go.
Your meeting’s in five minutes.

Oh, the meeting’s not today.

Principal Mullins rescheduled it
to tomorrow at 7:45 a.m.

What?

The only way
you’d be here that early

is if you slept
at the school.

- Yeah.
- Yes, sleep at the school.

That’s a great idea...

[zap]
Freddy!

Sorry, finger slipped.

[rock music]

[sighs]

Summer, I know you’re down,

but maybe songwriting
just isn’t your thing.

It is!
It has to be.

Everyone else has
a thing but me.

What am I doing wrong?

Well, you need to stop
writing from your head

and write from your heart.

Music is about a feeling.

It’s about more
than a feeling.

That’s it.

"More Than a Feeling,"
by Boston.

Your song needs to do this.

["More Than A Feeling" plays]

[humming guitar riff]

♪ More than a feeling ♪

Do you feel it?
Come on, feel it!

- ♪ When I hear that old song
they used to play ♪

♪ More than a feeling ♪

Yeah, he’s talking
about the power of music.

Oh, yeah.

Can you believe
how high his voice is?

He’s grown man.

[humming guitar solo]

[music stops]

Dude, I was right in the middle
of my "meer, neer, neer."

How do I tap into that?

Well, songs come to people
in different ways.

Some people meditate,
some exercise,

some keep a dream journal.

You know, Paul McCartney wrote
"Yesterday" in his sleep.

That old guy Kanye
discovered?

What?
He was way--

- I’m just messing with you.
- Oh.

Well, go write a song
that moves people,

and I promise we’ll play it
in Battle of the Bands.

What do you say?

I say I’m gonna write a song
that has more than a feeling.

Yeah.
- Dewey, it’s your mother.

I’m out buying you underpants.
- Okay.

- Do you want boxers or briefs?

I got to make a call.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

Okay, Summer,
here comes a hit song.

Clear your mind
and find your feelings.

Om.

Om.

Om.

My legs are cramping.

I’m stuck.

[feedback whines]

Attention, students.

This is Principal Mullins.

We have a very special guest
to rock your world.

Give it up
for guitar legend

Dewey Finn.

[imitates crowd cheering]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

Come on, ideas.

♪ ♪

Ideas, ideas, ideas, ideas.

Ooh, I got one!
[squeals]

[distorted guitar music]

Okay, dream journal, you’re
my last chance for a good song.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

Okay.

[alarm blaring]

Oh, yeah.

[sighs]

[rock music]

He did it.

He slept here
all night.

Mr. Finn,
It’s time for your meeting.

He won’t wake up.

Led Zeppelin’s
getting back together.

Play "Stairway"!

Freddy, Lawrence, I did it.

I’m here
before school started!

We’re proud of you,
Mr. Finn.

- Now go save your job.
- Thanks, guys.

both: Mr. Finn,
Mr. Finn.

No, no, no, no.

I’ve got to go be
a grown-up.

- Oh, good morning, Mr. Finn.
- What’s up, dude?

Don’t zap me.
- Excuse me?

I meant good morning,
Madame Mullins.

It is a pleasure
to see you as always.

Are you wearing pajamas?

It seems I am,

because...

it’s pajama day
in our class.

I thought it was silly,
but the kids insisted, so...

- Morning, Mr. Finn.
- Is he wearing pajamas?

Those kids are
getting demerits.

Mr. Finn, let’s get
this over with.

Shall we go to my office
for our chat?

I really like it here.

I didn’t think I was going to,
but the kids are amazing,

and I feel like they’re teaching
me more than I’m teaching them.

And please don’t fire me.

[scoffs]

Fire you?

I just need you to sign
this birthday card

for Mr. Rasmussen,
the woodshop teacher.

Cool.
[laughs]

Pound it, dude.

No? That’s cool.
I’ll just sign it.

Yeah, that’d be good.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

All right, this is weird.

It’s the beginning
of the school day.

I’m here, and Summer’s not.

I’m very disappointed
in the both of us.

Amp dampener,
reporting for duty.

Are you okay?

You don’t look like you.

I wouldn’t rule out
body snatchers.

I tried everything,
but I couldn’t do it.

I will never write a great song
for the band.

Summer, it’s okay.

So you can’t write a song.
So what?

It’s no reason to give up on,
by the looks of it, life.

It’s not
just about a song.

I feel like I’m not
in the band.

I am always left out.

I mean, everybody
knows where they go.

They get to do what they do.

You’re all playing
the same song,

and I can’t even sing along.

I just want to be with them,

but I’m outside looking in.

Summer, do you see
what you just did?

Humiliated myself?

No, you wrote a song.

Say that again,
that part about being left out.

- Everybody knows where they go.
- Keep going.

They get to do what they do.

Chord change.

You’re all playing
the same song,

and I can’t even sing along.

I just want to be with them,
but I’m outside looking in.

both: ♪ I just want
to be with them ♪

♪But I’m outside looking in ♪

♪ Let me in, let me in ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Let me in, let me in ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ I just want
to be with them ♪

♪ But I’m outside looking in ♪

both:
♪ Let me in, let me in ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Let me in ♪

Yeah!

I think we’ve just found
our k*ller new song

for Battle of the Bands.

Way to go, Summer.

I used to date her.