01x11 - (Really Really) Old Time Rock and Roll

[bunniefuu]

[rock music]

Welcome to Spanish Club.

Today’s agenda,
discussing the tango,

artist Frida Kahlo,

and a recap of last night’s
Latin American soccer scores.

Everybody tied.

Lawrence, as a proud Latino,
allow me to say

I don’t care about any
of that junk.

When do we eat?

After we take attendance.

Tomika,aqui.

Freddy,aqui.
Clark?

It’s pronounced
"Clar-r-rk,"

which I would expect
the President

of the Spanish Club
to know,

even though he only beat me
by one vote.

A win’s a win, Clar-r-rk.

Not even close.

You will never have
the R r-r-rolling skills

of Clar-r-rk R-r-rodr-r-riguez.

Your last name’s
O’Shannon.

Okay, next is Es--Es--

[stuttering]

What’s going on?

He has a huge crush
on Esme.

He can’t even talk
when he’s around her.

Getting nervous around a girl?
Is that a thing?

Es-Es-Es-Es--

Esme’s here!

Let’s hit that snack table,
amigos!

Nacho time.

Helping your friend time.

I don’t understand
why you don’t

just talk to Esme
already, Lawrence.

But what if she
doesn’t like me?

How could she not
like you?

You’re Spanish Club’s
Hombre of the Month!

Either way,
go for it.

I can’t.

Whenever I try
to talk to her,

I get so nervous,
I start sweating.

How bad could it be?

Hombre up.

Oh.
Hi, Esme.

That’s a really nice, uh,
nose you’re wearing.

Um, thanks?

I got it from my parents.

Sure is a hot one
today, huh?

I’m cold actually.

Weather guy said we’re gonna
hit a record low.

Well, how about that?
I love weather.

Well, bye!

See?
[chuckles]

That wasn’t so bad.

Really?

- ♪ Stop tellin’ me
to read between the lines ♪

♪ It all adds up
to one thing ♪

- Five, four, three,
two, one.

- ♪ If you think you’re gonna
lose your cool ♪

♪ Well, sometimes you gotta
break the rules ♪

♪ Hey, show me what you know,
give it up to rock ’n’ roll ♪

♪ ’Cause we ain’t
gonna stop ♪

♪ If you’re feeling like
you’re gettin’ schooled ♪

♪ There’s a answer
right in front of you ♪

♪ Hey, show me what you know,
give it up to rock ’n’ roll ♪

♪ ’Cause we ain’t
gonna stop ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪
- ♪ Are you ready to rock? ♪

All right, let’s do this.
One, two--

Hang on a sec,
Mr. Finn.

Freddy, I think your drums
sounded a little off yesterday.

You should test ’em out.

What?
My drums sound fine.

[laughter]

Milk?
Nice one, dude.

You got me.

Okay, we’re trying to see
who can pull

the most epic band prank.

Guys, we don’t have time
for pranks.

We really need to rehearse.

What the--
chocolate syrup?

[laughter]

[groans]

[laughter]

This isn’t funny!

Enough.

Battle of the Bands
is two weeks away

and we need every bit
of practice we can get.

Plus, I have to rent
a new amp,

I have to grade
your midterm papers,

which apparently means
I have to read

your midterm papers,
and I lost the keys to my van.

[laughter]

Mr. Finn, you’ve got--

A lot to do,
I know!

So let’s just get
some rehearsal in

before you have to go.

[school bell rings]

We have to go.

What?

We have music class now,
you know,

the real one the school
makes us go to.

Fine, go, but we’re rehearsing
after school today,

and every day
until Battle of the Bands.

And Freddy, clean that milk
off your tie.

Take some pride
in your appearance, buddy.

[playing classical music]

♪ ♪

You’ve all gotten
so good!

It’s like you’re
getting together

and secretly
playing music.

[all chuckle]

What?
That’s crazy.

Run to Mr. Finn’s room
and burn everything.

Burn it to the ground.

Take a breath,
Sparky.

I’m curious, how much
do you kids know about music

from ancient times?

You mean like the ’80s?

My mom makes me listen
to Journey in the car.

No. I mean the music
prehistoric man played.

I am an avid collector
of primeval instruments.

This isn’t an instrument.
It’s bones.

But if you smack them
together,

you’ve got some
prehistoric percussion.

[coughs]

I think I just tasted
caveman.

[screams]

I’d really rather not
bang on this.

Oh, you don’t
bang on that.

That would be disgusting.

You blow
into the eye hole.

Gotcha.
[chuckles]

Which hole do I vomit in?

Let’s see
what you can do.

[prehistoric music]

♪ ♪

I think I just found
my new band.

What?
both: Huh?

I’ve always wanted
to form a band that plays

this kind of music,
and I think

my dream might finally
be coming true.

- Well, if it’s optional--
- Not optional.

We’ll have our first practice
after school today,

and if that goes well,
we’ll practice every day.

But we have to
practice with Mr. Finn

after school every day.

Don’t worry.
I’ll get us out of this.

I’ll just
turn on the Freddy charm.

Uh, Ms. Ipson?

Hmm?

I gave it all I had.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

What are you doing?

Come here,
you’re gonna love this.

It’s show time.

Are you finally gonna
tell Esme you like her?

What?
No, I’ve got a way better plan.

Why risk talking to her
and getting rejected

when I can do it
the easy way?

all: Whoa!

Wow.
What’s the hard way?

Now all Esme has to do
is walk over

and tell me
how much she likes me.

But she doesn’t know
the birds were from you.

I’m not sure you’ve
thought this through.

Tomika, please,
I fit 50 wild birds

into a cramped locker.

I’m pretty sure
I thought it through.

[all screaming]

[screams]

Good thing I didn’t
go with the wild raccoons.

Ahh!
Tomika, save yourself!

Go on without me!

Way ahead of you,
bird boy!

Ahh!

[rock music]

What are we gonna do
about music class?

I can’t handle
that weird ancient windbag.

Don’t talk about Ms. Ipson
that way.

I was talking
about this ancient windbag.

[windbag whines notes]

Ahh,
that sounds like Esme’s laugh.

Um--

What?
It’s cute when she does it.

We can’t miss
Mr. Finn’s practice.

You saw how worked up
he got this morning.

I say we tell him the truth.
He’ll understand.

Besides, I’ve been working
on my skulling.

I’m getting good.

The key is jamming your thumb
in the nose hole.

The other key is
hand sanitizer.

We can’t go running
to Mr. Finn

to fix this problem
for us.

He’s already got
too much on his plate.

So we’ll just
handle this ourselves.

Why can’t we be
the adults?

Yeah,
we’re responsible.

We make good decisions.

I’m growing a mustache.

The point is,
we can do this.

- Yes.
- So agreed, we can do it.

All we need is a plan.

What if we go
to Ms. Ipson’s practice,

but we play terribly?
Like, crazy bad.

She’ll realize
we’re not her dream band

and call off
the whole thing.

That’s perfect.

In the meantime,
we just need to make up excuses

to tell Mr. Finn
why we can’t rehearse today.

Hey, guys.

What you talking about?

Nothing!
I mean, something of course.

You can’t talk
about nothing,

or else you’re talking
about something.

Help.

Lawrence, are you okay?

Uh, no!
He is super sick.

Mr. Finn,
he should go home.

I’m not sick.

Oh, it’s worse
than we thought.

One of the symptoms is
thinking you’re not sick.

I don’t think
I’m sick either.

Oh, no,
it’s spreading!

[all coughing]

This is really bad,
Mr. Finn.

I think we all have to miss
today’s rehearsal.

Mr. Finn?
Mr. Finn?

Rehearsal’s off.
I’ll just teach you from here.

Open your books
to page 87.

[rock music]

[prehistoric music
played poorly]

♪ ♪

Wow!
We sound pretty bad.

Stink City.
We understand

if you don’t want us to be
in your band, Ms. Ipson.

This was
a horrible mistake.

Really?

We should have formed
this band

at the beginning
of the school year.

[slams keyboard]

Oops, sorry.

That song moved me.

Nobody knows what
early man’s music

sounded like, so it’s
open to interpretation.

Your music made me feel
like a cave woman,

running from
a saber-toothed tiger.

That’s how I feel
when I give my cat a bath.

This is so exciting.

We’re setting up a concert
this week for the entire school.

Our plan isn’t working.

We can’t be in her band
and School of Rock.

Don’t panic,
I got this.

Uh, Ms. Ipson?

Hmm?

I can’t even make my face smile.
Everything is falling apart!

We should also invite
Principal Mullins

to the concert.
We need her approval

in order to be
an official band,

and then we’ll have more
concerts and more rehearsals.

From now on, this band
is going to be your life.

[groans loudly]

Zack, stop playing
that windbag.

I wasn’t.

[groans loudly]

[rock music]

What are we gonna do?

This ancient band
is going to ruin our lives.

Nothing good came
from ancient music.

Everyone who ever
played it is dead.

How could this get
any worse?

Your teacher could
catch you.

Yeah, but that’s
unlikely.

Mr. Finn’s not
the smartest--

Mr. Finn, we were just
talking about you.

all: Hey!

[all laughing]

[rock music]

Sorry we lied to you,
Mr. Finn.

We were just trying
to deal with this on our own.

Well, that didn’t work,

and now I’ve got
a concert to stop.

Oh, why did this
have to happen now?

We got so much going on!

[sighs]
Don’t worry.

I’ll deal with it.

[knocking at the door]

Looking for Dewey Finn.

Oh, good,
the amp delivery.

Lamps?

I said amps!
[scoffs]

What kind of store
do you guys run?

Lamp store.

[growls]

This is another thing
I’ve got to sort out.

I’ll be fine.
Excuse me.

I hate my life!

You guys, I don’t think
Mr. Finn can handle

our problem right now.

We need to fix this Ipson thing
ourselves.

I don’t know,
maybe Mr. Finn will

be able
to figure this out.

- I can’t figure
anything out!

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

[rock music]

Look at her.
Everything she does is magical.

[sneezing]

[blows nose]

Oh, to be that hanky.

This has gone on
long enough.

I’m finally going to
tell Esme how I feel.

You go, Lawrence!

I’m proud of you for being brave
and talking to her.

Oh, I’m not gonna
talk to her.

[over PA system]
Attention, Esme.

You light up my world.

Now I’m going to
light up yours.

Wow!

"Esme, I like you"?
That’s incredible!

What amazing person
would do that?

I did!

I am that amazing person!

both: What?

Thank you so much,
Clark.

That’s the nicest thing
anyone’s ever done for me.

You lose.

Really?
You made that light show?

Why don’t you prove it, and do
another light show right now?

Please, another light show
would be pathetic.

Right, Esme?

I guess.

Yeah, totally.

Two light shows?
How desperate.

Can you excuse me?

Take it down!
Take it all down!

[rock music]

We figured out a way
to use today’s concert

to make this ancient music band
go away for good.

Ms. Ipson said
Principal Mullins

eeds to sign off on the band
to make it official, right?

Well, what does
Principal Mullins hate

more than anything
in the world?

The laughter
of children?

No, she hates when things
aren’t perfect.

She totally flips out.

Which is why she will freak
when she sees this!

Okay, this is us.

Sorry, they ran out
of guy mannequins.

How come you can’t
be the girl?

Dude, come on.

So the plan is
mannequins?

No, the plan is
booby traps.

Better get
out of the way.

Oh.

Whoa.

Cannon.

At the concert,
those will be flying tomatoes.

And for the finale.

At the concert,
that’ll be paint.

- [laughs]
- Principal Mullins will hate

the concert so much, she’ll shut
the ancient music band down.

And Mr. Finn
will be impressed

that we handled it on our own
like grown-ups.

It’s the perfect plan.

[screams]

This is why we practice,
people.

[rock music]

[humming]

Why are you eating lunch
in here, buddy?

I couldn’t stand watching
Esme eat with Clark.

Everything I’ve done to make her
like me has gone wrong.

Mm.

This would be
a good time to say,

"Don’t worry, everything’s
gonna be okay."

Everything’s not
gonna be okay.

Wow, Mr. Finn,

your pep talks have taken
a really sinister turn.

I mean not until you
tell Esme how you feel.

No more gestures.

You gotta stand in front of her,
look her in the eye,

say the words.

Look, Lawrence,
you’re an amazing guy--

Slow down,
this is good stuff.

"Esme, you’re
an amazing guy."

Gotta be your words, pal.

I know it’s scary,
but if you don’t take the risk,

you’ll never know
if she likes you back.

You’re right.

Thanks, Mr. Finn.

Anytime.
It’s what I’m here for.

It’s still good.

[rock music]

Thank you for coming,
Principal Mullins.

I promise you are
going to love these kids

and want them to be
an official school band.

Well, they’re kids.
I’m not asking for perfection.

- Oh--
- Uh--I expect it,

but I’d never ask for it.

Guys,
about the concert--

Don’t worry, Mr. Finn,
we’re handling it.

[laughter]

[laughs]

I don’t know why
we’re laughing.

Uh, well, we booby-trapped
the stage.

The concert’s going to be
a disaster.

Principal Mullins will hate it
and end the band.

Isn’t that a great plan?

No, it’s a terrible plan.

What was going
through your heads?

Well, we saw how busy
you were.

We had to do something.

So we decided to be the adults
and take care of this ourselves.

Yeah, we’re practically
grown-ups.

Have you seen
Zack’s mustache?

’Sup?

Guys, you’re not grown-ups,
I’m the grown-up.

It’s okay to ask
grown-ups for help.

Even if I seem busy,
I’m never too busy for you.

In fact, I--

- Excuse me, everybody,
we have a special performance.

Before the show starts,
I’d like to sing a song I wrote

for the coolest, smartest,
prettiest girl I know.

It’s called "Esme."

[plays a single chord]

Just to be clear,
it’s about you, Esme.

And this is how I feel.

[plays wistful piano]

♪ ♪

♪ I wanted to tell you
something ♪

♪ So I tried way after way ♪

♪ But I just can’t hide
what I kept inside ♪

♪ So here’s what
I wanted to say ♪

♪ Make my whole day worthwhile ♪

♪ ♪

Oh, no, the booby traps!

Don’t worry, Mr. Finn,
as long as nobody trips the wi--

I think I just
tripped the wi--

We’ve gotta
save Lawrence!

Mr. Finn, tomato cannon!

[gasps]

[winces]

Now in Spanish.

♪ [singing in Spanish] ♪

♪ ♪

Oh! No!

♪ I like your eyes
and your nose ♪

Don’t--over there.
Throw it away!

♪ I like the way you smile
at people anywhere ♪

♪ You might sneeze a bit
but I don’t mind ♪

♪ Because you’re sunny ♪

- The sandbag!
- Mr. Finn!

♪ You’re one of a kind ♪

♪ Yeah, you make me smile ♪

♪ Make my whole day worthwhile ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, you ♪

♪ You make me smile ♪

[cheers and applause]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

Keep it going for Lawrence,
everybody!

[cheers and applause]

That was fantastic!

And all those
choreographed stunts

going off
in the background

really added to the drama
of the moment!

[laughing]
Yeah, choreographed.

Well, I guess
the show’s over.

Yeah.

Oh, no, no,

I-I wanted to hear
this ancient music.

[all groan]

I guess we blew it.

We’re doomed.

I’m Hanz Glassmeier

from the National Museum
of Modern Prehistory,

also known as N.M.M.P.

This school is using
ancient artifacts

as musical instruments,
a direct violation

of the Federal Fossil
Fragment Preservation Act,

or FFF-PA.

Excuse me.

Ms. Ipson?

You’re violating F-F-F-PA?

[chuckles]
I-I just liked the music.

I didn’t know
we weren’t allowed--

I have a court injunction
ordering you

to shut this band down!

Children, I’m sorry.
Your band has to break up.

No.

all: Yay!

Oh.
all: Aww!

Do you want to pay me
right now, bro,

or you want to meet me
late night at the graveyard?

Just go, Scabs.

All right, okay.

Excuse me.

You did this?

Told you I was gonna
take care of it.

You have a friend
named Scabs?

I have two, actually.

Okay.

- h* h*!
- Yeah.

That song was so cool,
Lawrence.

I’m proud of you,
L-Train.

Such a baller move, dude.

If I’m ever into a girl
that much,

I’m totally gonna
steal that idea.

Ohh, I can’t wait.

I mean, to hear how Esme
liked the song.

I loved the song.

Oh, hi, Esme.

Did you mean
all those things you said?

Of course.

Good,
’cause I like you too.

[romantic music]

Adios, Clar-r-rk.

[rock music]