02x06 - No Free Launch

[bunniefuu]

Which brings to 12 the number of hall monitors we have patrolling on any given Tuesday during this last semester.

The report further stated that erasers and generic brand pencils aren't anchored as well.

See, this is how the PTA keeps you here.

They know we want cookies, and they hold them until the end of the meeting.

They're evil.

I'm going in, Angie. Cover me.

Hey, George.

Hey, George.

Hey, George.

Oh, my little Kimmy goes here now.

Oh, I didn't know Accident Amy

had a little Accident Kimmy.

Which one is she?

She's the one right there.

Hi, Emily.

Oh!

Are you okay?

You all right?

All right, yeah, she's okay.

She's okay.

She's good.

She's fine.

She's good.

Maybe you should have another kid just for parts.

We're not accident prone.

We're just enthusiastic people

with a slight depth of perception problem.

Everybody, I'll pay for the table.

I'll throw these away.

Okay, all right.

Oh, you're good?

Okay, fine.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

This is the last weekend of our chocolate bar drive.

Now, our kids are so looking forward to going to Florida

to watch the space shuttle launch.

So go anywhere.

People are craving chocolate.

Except my son and I have dibs on AA meetings.

What did they want from us?

They had a bake sale for books, a walk-a-thon for computers,

and what about that silent auction?

That was for equipment for the hearing impaired.

No one else saw the irony in that.

Charles, this is for a good cause.

I don't think so.

This isn't about education.

This is about sending 100 kids and their teachers

on a glorified vacation to Florida.

But Max really wants to go.

Okay, how many candy bars does he have to sell?







We bought 10!

Shh!

Hey, man, turn around.

George, we have to help him.

I was so sad when our little salesman

trudges home with his box full of candy bars

and says, I just need one good lead, Mommy.

Just one good lead.

Right, I'll try to unload them at work,

but I'll need time to spread the rumor

that these bars help you pass a urine test.

Okay, now it's time to elect a new secretary.

Pick me, pick me.

You have to be nominated.

George. George, nominate me.

I nominate Amy Kirkham.

Well, congratulations, Amy. You're the new secretary.

Nobody else wants the job.

Yes!

Don't worry. He's already got kids. It's good.

OK, just come over here.

And just pull over here.

All my friends know the lowrider

The lowrider is a little higher

Hey, Alberto, help me out.

I'm selling this for my kid's school trip.

You want to buy one?

What?

One of these.

Why?

Oh, a candy bar.

I already bought some.

From who?

From me.

George, where do you want me to point the fan?

The AC's out.

Point it toward the machines.

You know, your kid should sell her own candy.

So should yours.

Hey, this is a big factory.

May the best man win.

Or woman.

Or manager.

Hey, Amy.

Or woman.

Hey, handsome, I'm selling candy.

Want to buy some?

Oh, yeah.

When you come back.

I'm selling candy, too, man.

I'm your homeboy.

We go back, man.

Member, you member.

Ernesto.

Her smells good.

Hey, smell mine too. I'm ocean fresh.

Here's all the money in my wallet.

I could compete with that, but I don't want to.

I should go down to shipping.

Those guys love their chocolate.

Not if I get there first.

Hey, watch out for the thing there.

Hey, Grandma, what's up?

can a grandmother just visit her granddaughter you never had before the

last time you're in my room I was in a crib how can you possibly remember that

you never forget the first time you smell nicotine and cold 45 well you know

I was just waiting till you covered every inch of your walls and stupid

posters look grandma I know why you're doing this I've had a rough couple of

months. Trouble at school, my best friend moving away, but I know that you care and I don't want

you to worry. Everything is going to be all right. Yeah, yeah, that's nice, but that's not why I'm

here. I want to look younger. Are you asking me to give you a makeover? I never said those exact

words. Oh, this is great. You're not going to be disappointed. I've been practicing on Max for

ears oh he's a cute kid thank you tomorrow six o'clock you got it oh i i can't i promised

mrs ronaldo i'd wheel her to the drugstore to get a prescription blow her off

so how'd it go not good we only made 75 bucks that's it did you go to the rich neighborhoods

and do that g*ng thing I taught you?

It didn't work.

Show me how you did it.

Hello?

I'm an at-risk youth.

If you buy these delicious chocolate bars,

you can help keep me off the streets

and ensure your future safety.

Please, don't let me make you a statistic.

How can that not work?

Well, it didn't.

Wait.

Where'd you park the SUV?

Out front.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

How would you do, Dad?

Remember that story, Max?

The little engine that could?

That kept saying, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!

I need a number.

Five bars.

I'm never going to Florida.

Oh, no.

That's Debbie Mickens with the PTA coming to collect the money.

Collect the money? What is she, the mob?

Today is the deadline. We're supposed to have $600.

What are we gonna do?

Hi, Debbie.

Hi, Angie. Hi, George.

Hey, Debbie.

How's Tyler?

Oh, he's terrific.

He sold over $1,000 worth of bars.

He's a natural salesman.

Too bad he wants to be a doctor.

Hey, uh...

Hey, listen, Debbie,

Max wasn't as lucky as Tyler,

but he did his best, and we're proud to present you with...



No problem.

You can just write us a check for the rest.

Sell the candy later.

I don't want to keep the candy. I want to return the candy.

Well, the PTA doesn't want the candy.

Well, I don't want the candy either.

Well, then you should have sold it.

George, let's just write her a check, okay?

Angie, that's 480 bucks on top of what we already bought.

This family's got bigger priorities than sending Max

to watch a rocket launch from bleachers three miles away.

But, Dad, all she wants is a check.

Max, please.

It's just one check.

Max, do you know what a check is?

Yeah, you've got a whole stack of them.

You write on it, and people give you stuff.

Max, you just can't write a check.

You have to have the money to back it up.

What are you talking about?

This gives me a great idea for our next field trip,

the U.S. Mint in Washington, D.C.

Yeah, well, while you're there, Debbie,

grab $480 because you're not getting it from me.

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.

Bye, Angie.

Bye, Max.

Bye, Debbie.

I'll see you at Tyler's birthday party on Sunday.

George, what were you thinking?

Angie, please, I'm doing the right thing.

I thought you wanted to give your kids the things that you never had.

I thought the day I got a McCarthy, we were even.

Am I going to Florida or not?

I don't know.

George, is he?

Max, look, I try to give you everything I can, son,

but sometimes it doesn't work out.

But all my friends are going.

We waste money on a lot of other things.

Why does Mom need a car? She doesn't work.

Oh.

Don't talk to your mother like that.

This sucks.

Hey!

He's right, George. It does suck.

And don't even think about selling my car.

But really, Angie, where do you go?

To the store?

I was kidding. Man, you're already mad.

Remember? You remember.

Hey, Max.

Want me to play catch with you?

Sure. I've got plenty of time.

I'm not going anywhere. Like, Florida.

Oh!

Max, I'm not doing this to hurt you.

Sometimes when you think something's wrong,

you have to stand up and say so.

Even if it makes your own son mad at you.

You know, Grandma keeps a lot of cash in her bra

I don't think you're getting my point

And never go in there

Even if you think you see gold

Hey

Hey, Angie

You remember Sue Palmer, don't you?

Yeah, isn't she one of the PTA moms?

Yep, that's Sue

I bumped into her outside the store.

She had this box of canned goods

she was gonna give to the homeless shelter.

Then she saw me and said,

well, I might as well cut out the middleman.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Ooh, mini raviolis.

George, she thinks we're broke

because you didn't give the PTA a check.

Angie, she's joking.

I thought so, too.

Then I told her I liked her sweater,

and she gave it to me.

And put a 20 in each pocket.

Where's the other one?

don't you get it i was humiliated come on but you know it's not true angie besides those people

don't even know what poor is poor is having your mom buy one churro for nine kids and say lick it

and pass it lick it and pass it take a bite and see what's gonna happen lick it and pass it then

she'd flip it over and say lick it and pass it why are you crying okay george we can deal with this

but what about when the other kids start to make fun of max because they think he can't afford the

Just write the check and we can go to the PTA meeting tonight.

All right.

I don't want anyone making fun of Max.

But this has gotten way out of hand.

Not to mention 500 bucks down the drain.

It's a month of groceries.

Couple months of gas, a new set of tires.



Sign it.



Show!

I am pleased to announce our candy drive was a super success.

Wait.

Almost every family met or exceeded their goals.

Let's give ourselves a super hand.

Mrs. Super, I'm super, you're super.

Stop it.

When are you gonna give her the check?

After the meeting. This is nobody else's business.

There were just a few unfortunate families

families who weren't able to make their goal.

Right, right. The, um, the

Soroyans, the O'Briens, and the Lopezes.

I'm sorry. I wasn't supposed to tell everybody the names

of the poor people. Right, okay. I am striking

the following unfortunate families

from the record. That would be

the Soroyans, the O'Briens,

and the Lopezes. And that was just

it, right? It was just the Soroyans, O'Briens,

and Lopezes? Excuse me!

I'd like to interrupt now.

The chair recognizes Mr. Lopez.

Thank you for your pity

And cream corn

But there's been a misunderstanding

The Lopez's can't afford to send their son on the trip

And I have the check

Right here

Thank you George

Let's give George a super hand

Now the reason I wasn't going to give up the check

Was on principle

This trip is a luxury, not a necessity.

Just want everybody to acknowledge that.

Well, I guess that all depends on how you define necessity.

No. It can only be defined one way.

Nobody needs to see a space shuttle launch.

Nobody needs to use their outdoor voice.

I don't think you're getting it, Debbie.

Look, I don't mind paying for books or computers

or anything else a kid needs to get a good education,

but this is way over the top.

So, before I hand you this check,

We all have to agree.

Nobody needs to see a space shuttle launch.

But it is a wonderful thing to see.

I've seen it twice.

Come on, repeat after me.

Nobody needs to see a space shuttle launch.

Give me the check.

I'm trying to give you the check,

but you won't help me, Debbie.

Give her the damn check, and I'll buy you churro.

George, is this just some excuse

Excuse to not give me the check.

We don't have to go through all this.

Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of.

What did you say?

Um, she said, just give me the check.

And you said, there's a m*rder in your eyes.

I'm trying to give you the check,

but you won't help me, Debbie.

And then she said some stuff that I didn't catch,

but it ended with,

poverty is nothing to be ashamed of.

And then you said, what did you say?

Like, you didn't hear something that nasty,

which I really hardly believe.

I heard.

Look, a lot of people here are tired of being squeezed,

but nobody wants to speak up because they're worried

everybody's going to think you're a bad parent.

But you're not a bad parent just because you don't want

to waste money on a field trip.

Nobody needs to see a space shuttle launch!

Right, Debbie?

I'm not saying it.

Fine.

Then my kid's not going,

because I'd rather burn this check than give it to you.

George, don't do that.

George, George, don't do that.

Stop.

You have to be very careful with fire.

George?

Ah.

Okay.

What came after, I'd rather burn this check?

She's on fire.

She's on fire.

No, it was more like, she's on fire.

She's on fire.

Ah.

Hope I don't have to get another graft.

I'm almost out of butt skin.

All right, you haven't talked to me the whole ride home.

Just give it to me, okay?

Okay.

I talked to some of the other parents

while you were being interrogated by the fire marshal.

And a lot of them felt like you do,

but were too afraid to say anything.

You were right.

What?

What? I didn't expect that. Say it again.

Come on, I don't hear it that often.

Let me enjoy it.

You were right.

Oh.

Now with a French accent.

You were right.

Shoo!

Wow, Mom, what's the occasion?

Hey, is your pen pal getting out of prison?

That's not funny.

You know he fried last year.

Don't listen to him, Grandma.

I think Charlie's gonna flip when he sees you tomorrow.

Charlie from work? The vending machine guy?

Yeah. What about it?

Mom, he's married.

No, he's not. He doesn't wear a ring.

He takes it off so it doesn't get caught in the machine.

But he was winking at me.

He's got a tick.

well he grabbed my butt

when

alright I put his hand there

but he took his sweet time

pulling it away

never mind

come on Carmen let's go

scrape off the w*r paint

wait wait wait wait Benny

you're all dressed up you should go someplace nice

and show yourself off

There's plenty of other guys out there.

Well, yeah.

You're right.

You know what?

I think I'm gonna go cruise the Home Depot

and act like I don't know nothing.

Shoo!

Good luck, Mrs. Doubtfire!

And it's T-minus one minute

to the launch of the space shuttle Discovery.

Folks, you couldn't ask for a more beautiful day

here at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida.

Still bummed you didn't go on the shuttle trip?

Nah, I'm okay.

I like it better this way.

I like standing up for what I believe in.

Are you just saying that to make me feel better?

Mm-hmm.

T minus 20 seconds.



Holding at 17.

Hang on, folks. Apparently there's a fuel line situation.

it looks like they're scrubbing the launch.

They're scrubbing the launch!

Yeah!

Man, see, if you were stuck in Florida right now,

you wouldn't be able to watch this.

Not that. This.

Yeah.

Ooh, body slam!

We gotta be careful.

We almost got some culture there.

Only one way to get rid of it.

Pull my finger.

Hey, this is a big factory.

May the best man win.

Or a woman.

Or a comedian turned sitcom star.

Or a sexual chocolate master.

Oh!

Take some of this.

Take it, take it.

You want this?

You want a piece of me?

Can you twirl?

You want a piece of me?

Can you twirl?

Little baller!

Chocolate and bubble!

Give me that chocolate, love!

Give her the chocolate!