01x03 - Strep-Finger

[bunniefuu]

private eyes Cut germs and viruses down

to sides Busy defending all the nerve

endings

They

got

From the tip of the nose to the behind

Different protectors of the city of

Hector Ozzie and Tricks

HuhA stakeout on the hottest day of the

year. Couldn't we battle the dread forces

of contagion someplace a tad more

comfortable?Say, poolside at

Hector Grand Hotel?No way, Drix.

Heat means fever, fever means infection,

and infection means our boy Hector needs

us right here. Besides, the last time we

went swimming, your bubbles carbonated

the whole pool. Get

down.

I'm stealing the iron. Yeah, your basic

fever-inducing bacterium loves raw iron.

Gives them energy and keeps their

membranes nice and shiny. Let's go. Hulk

contention.

Brains! Of

course, that was just a suggestion. It

appears. The Hector's blood is about to

get thinner.

Oh, Hector, you're burning up. I'd better

take your temperature.

Holy mother of mitosis. We spent

five months setting up this sting, and

those two jokers wreck it faster than a

hiccup. Lights!

This is the HPD. We have you surrounded.

Whoa, no, you ain't going nowhere.

Okay, Mouse A. Dump. I think you finally

met your-- Whoa! Careful with the jacket,

man! Just genuine toe lift.

Whoa!

Sayonara, my foolish friend.

Friend?You're dropping me into a vat of

acid, man! What do you do to the enemies?

Okay, don't panic, don't...

Hello. Fortunately, I heard your

high-pitched screams of terror. And

it's about time, too! 101! Hector, we've

got to get you to the doctor. The doctor?

The doctor?Ohh

Officer Romino?Patrix, you OK?

Yes, Maria. I met the challenge with

courage and fortitude. Ozzy screamed like

a little girl, though. Hey, Jones, do you

have any idea what you've done besides

stopping a bug g*ng from robbing the

ironworks?Those weren't ordinary bugs,

Ozzy. They are known as the

Red Menace. They bring fever,

inflammation to whatever they touch. Cell

after cell falls before them in a

hideous domino effect. We were trying to

capture their leader so we would find out

where they'll strike next.

Stop everything! I'm declaring a state of

emergency! What's wrong, sir?Hector's

going to the doctor!

I hate doctors. Hide me! Well,

that's it then. They'll send in a special

Cold w*r operative. This bug's way out of

our league. What?We don't need no special

agent. I can handle this red menace all

by myself.

Ohh I needed that. Well, we'd better get

to the arm. The agent will be arriving

via injection. Okay then, to the

arm!This

should fix you up.

Here it comes, Mayor.

Oh, my. Woof. The name's G.

Anacillin G. What's the situation?

Handsome. Cool accent. Slicker than

earwax. I hate him already.

Greetings, Mr. G. I'm the mayor of

Hector, and you have the

coolest stuff. As head of the sweat

team, I want you to know we are at your

disposal. I'm both grateful and

enchanted. This guy lays it on

thicker than the phone book. I understand

one of the scoundrels escaped. Who

allowed that to happen?Well,

see, it was like this. I had

him trapped. See, he tried to escape,

right?And I'm all like, he

was one of them rad guys. What do you

call them?Streptococcus pyogenes. Indeed.

Hemolytic. The serogrouping indicates M

protein 24. Yeah, that's that's what I

was about to say. Yale, man. Harvard

Labs. Splendid. You're with me. They'll

try to establish a base in the pharynx.

Hey, what about me?Oh, I'm afraid my

partner and I are inseparable, Mr. G,

like platelets and hemoglobin. Sorry, old

boy. Pharmaceuticals only.

Oh, well, I'll write you a detailed

report of our incredibly exciting

adventures, Ozzie. Wait. Look,

you need me. I got moves you ain't even

dreamt of. Hey, what's this button do?

Muscle paralyzer. Don't worry, old man.

It's temporary. To the throat,

shall we?

Jones, you've caused enough damage. Leave

this to a professional. What?And give up

my dignity

to the throat, shall we?Splendid

cheerio. I'm a stuck up creep and a

vintage tuxo man.

Nice technique, superb follow through.

Shh. Oh, oh, sorry.

No sign of 00 sucker. Well,

#3, I hope you're bangling at the

Ironworks as it spawn us off our

infection schedule. Of

course not, #2. In fact, we just

programmed the protein sequence that will

trigger the infection.

Excellent. Number one can

finally proceed with his plans to give

Hector a nasty case of pneumonia.

Pneumonia. I've got to get that disc.

What a clever device. Here's that glucose

generator. It must power the entire germ

colony. Is

your dosage high enough?I could use a

booster. Do you have any probenecid on

hand?Of course.

With Jones on the case, those bugs will

never know what hit them.

Shall we?Let's.

That can't be...

Oh. Yo, is that a protein

sequence?'Cause I need one for show and

tell. HuhAfter him, your

foot!

That

wraps things up. Whoops, can't touch

this. It's a

level

It seems we've become something of an

irritant.

He's going to expectorate.

Blast. Not enough fuel for both of us.

What are you doing?I've set it

for afterburners. Good luck, old man.

Don't look at it. You. I told

you.

Whoa! Poor Penicillin G. His bright flame

extinguished by an adolescent loogie.

Hey, I feel just as bad. I mean, the guy

sacrificed himself to save my butt and

all I ever did was diss him. I owe the G,

man, Drix. I gotta finish when he's

started. And this protein sequence is the

key. Ozzy G was a skilled operative. You

don't have his cunning, his breeding, his

panache. Maybe not, but I have his

briefcase.

Uh, Ozzy?The name's Jones.

Osmosis Jones. How y'all doing?

Oh, dear.

The Bronchi Carlo Casino, the

swankiest resort in all a hectare, and a

gathering place for the most notorious

bacteria in the lungs. OK,

I'm going to see if anybody knows

anything about this protein disc. You

stay here and blend in and please

try to be cool. Well, certainly I am

nothing if not cool.

Oh, they have pinball. Yay. Uh

Cold plasma frappe. Shake 'em, not

stirred. Actually, stir it, but then just

kind of wiggle the glass around a little

bit, then shake it. Have you got any hot

wings?Here.

I've been watching you. You're

not like the others here.

Yes, I am. I am very much like the others

here at this casino, where I come often

to be with others who are exactly likeme.

I'm sticky. Sticky flagella.

I'm sure you are. The name's Jones.

Osmosis Jones. So sticky.

What's a sweet young thing like you doing

in a dangerous place like this?I

like dangerous things, Mr. Jones.

Well, there's lots of dangerous things in

this world. Blood clots,

mimes, even certain

protein sequences. Protein sequences?

Careful what you say. I have a

friend, he owns this casino. Some say it

won't be long before he controls the

entire chest cavity. Over my dead

cytoplasm. That can be arranged,

Mr. Joe. The name's Strepfinger.

Ernst, we were just... I'll deal with you

later. Hey, I don't like the way you're

talking to the lady, Strepfinger. And I

don't like metalsome blood cells. Well, I

don't like your casino. Well, I don't

like brazen oafs who make googly eyes of

my girlfriend and think they can ruin my

plans. Well,

you ugly. Tell

me, Mr. Jones, do you enjoy

games of chance?Is that a challenge,

Mr. Strepfinger?Careful, Osmosis. He

never loses.

Name your game, Mr. Jones.

How about chip hockey?Chip

hockey?Arms up, elbows on the table.

Now, you're the goal, okay?Ready?

Oh, yeah! Give me that! Do you

believe in miracles?Not

so fast, Mr. Jones. I

believe it's my turn.

Eh You lose!

ohh Maybe you better stick the thumb

wrestles. No one beats Ernst

Strapfinger! Hey!

Ernst, what are you doing?You've become a

little too friendly with your friend.

Well, how could she help us though?I

mean, come on, look at... Hey! Look

what I found.

So, Mr. Jones, there's more

to you than meets the eye. Take them

to... The pit of doom.

Impressive, isn't it, Mr. Jones?

Already the lungs are red and inflamed,

and with the detonation of my ingenious

new strep b*mb, the infection will

quickly develop into full-blown

pneumonia. You don't have that kind of

biochemical power. I do now, Mr.

Jones, thanks to you.

You're welcome.

With the information encoded on this

protein disk, I can now initiate the most

infectious cellular chain reaction.

How kind of you to deliver it right to my

doorstep.

There you go, Mr. Jones. I promise you,

when this drug b*mb detonates, your end

will be both painful and spectacular.

Gee, but but you got hocked out.

Fortunately, I had about my person a

grappling hook disguised as an ordinary

fountain pen, and I was able to hang on

by Hector's by cuspid. A good agent must

anticipate every possible.

Jones, it's drip b*mb. Huh

Okay. Uh, a germ's favorite color

is red, so let's try that. Did

we blow up?'Cause if we did, then

heaven is totally whack, man.

Osmosis. Strepfinger is

escaping.

They are veals.

It seems you've forgotten your weapon,

Mr. Jones. It's all over, Strepfinger.

It certainly is, for one of us.

You can't fire that thing in here. If you

miss me and rupture a membrane, the low

pressure outside the lungs will suck you

right out. Then I guess I'd better not

miss. How does it feel, Mr. Jones, to

come so close to victory, only to have it

torn from your grasp?You

tell me!

You know, that

crime doesn't pay thing really is true.

Well, your fever's gone down. Does that

mean I can have an ice cream sundae?A

little one. Yes.

Thanks to you, Agent Jones. Hector should

be up and about in no time. Hey, couldn't

have done it without you, G Man. So where

you off to now?Sticky and I are going to

take a little holiday. It seems I'm just

her type. I told you, I like

dangerous things.

Tata, Jones.

Well, Ozzy, it seems G was rather

impressed with you. I was all wrong about

that guy, Drix. G-Man got it going on.

Hey, look.

He left me his watch. Now that's a

great...

What a clever device.

When there's a fungus among us, they

don't want to be rash. Even if it's

humongous, they'll fix it in a flat.

Cellcomino swerves, hit some nerves.

Trying to protect him, they almost wreck

him. Looking good. Like a bad fascia.

Like a bad fascia.