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01x07 - Gas of Doom

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Ozzy & Drix". Aired: September 14, 2002 – July 5, 2004.*
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Centers on Osmosis "Ozzy" Jones, a cheeky-chappy white blood cell, and Drix, a level-headed cold pill, who battle germs and viruses inside the body of teenage boy Hector Cruz.

01x07 - Gas of Doom

Post by bunniefuu »

We're here to have fun! I failed to see

the fun in being assaulted by sounds loud

enough to shatter one's skull.

Below left big toe! Are you

ready to rock?!

Oh, dear, a splinter, and it's covered

with bacteria. I told you this would be

fun.

Oh, did I forget to say the freeze?How?

Rude of me.

Nobody grabs the lead singer but the

groupie. Jack. Whoa!

Are

you ready to rock?

I think we've got the notorious E coli

Liberation Front. Nah, it's just a

splinter group. Oh, mate, you

saved us. What can we possibly do to

thank you?Well, for one thing, you can...

We rocked and rolled Look up from

the fire And what do you know He's a

guitar hero Osmosis don't

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah

Yeah, baby! Uh, Zinc

and Drix Uh, Zinc and Drix

Trouble in the air, what you gonna do?Is

it cold as the fever Or maybe the flu?

private eyes Cut germs and viruses down

to sides Busy defending all the

nerve endings

They

got

Uh,

excuse me, I asked for the macaroni and

cheese, not the meatballs. Oh, sorry.

Next! Okay, how can macaroni and

cheese and meatballs look exactly the

same?Hey, I just serve this stuff. I

don't cook it. Yes, you do. Oh, yeah.

Next! So, Heck,

what's your science fair project gonna be?

Uh, it's a surprise. Yeah, in other

words, you have no idea. Right. But dude,

the fair is tonight. I mean, what you

gonna do?Throw something together in five

minutes?No, of course not. More like

three. Hector?Man, this food

is the pits. I think some of it's been

here since the mid-'70s. Hey, I dare

you to try the 12-bean casserole.

Ohh Nobody ever eats that. A

certain death. Double dare you.

Okay.

Maria Amino, HPV. We've had

reports of some intestinal viruses in the

area. These viruses could look like

ordinary cells. We're pretty sure they

mean to spread their infection somewhere

in the digestive tract. And you know what

kind of trouble gastroenteritis could

mean for you guys. Yeah, we'll keep a

lookout.

Ohh

Hector?

You know,

it's actually not bad.

What is that?That's the

incoming food alert. We got to get to

work, lady. Officer, not lady. Officer.

No, it can't be.

It's... It's..

The great white bean. Um,

I am afraid I don't see what's so

terrible about a bean. This is the

great white bean. The bean that

took my father.

Jones.

Oh, you're serious?My father was the top

intestinal researcher in Hector. He

was the first one to map the entire lower

digestive tract, from the duodenum to the

colon. A few years ago, he was

exploring the large intestine, collecting

data on digestive enzymes when...

Hector had a major gas attack.

My father was trapped in a bubble of

deadly gas. He was never

heard from again.

The great white beam caused that gas

attack. It was the most embarrassing

moment in Hector's life. Check this out.

This was recorded from the iChannel. You

see, he's trying to hold it in, but the

pressure's building and building

and...

Great event of sense, Hector.

Have you told Chief Gluteus about this,

or or the mayor?They laughed. They said

the great white bean's only a myth. But I

know it's real. I know. How can a

bean cause gas?I'll show you.

Can I log on to the Hector net from here?

Double-click that neuron. There's a



intestine. We should be able to see-- Aha!

Oh, my. Those are intestinal bacteria.

They help Hector digest his food. But

there's something about the great white

bean. It's making them produce gas.

Methane laced with hydrogen sulfide.

Seriously bad gas. That stuff

could peel your membrane right off.

There's got to be some way to stop it.

There is. It's the fragments of the white

beans that are our problem. So we're

going to go into the intestines and

destroy them before any more of them can

be digested. And

that's why we need your sub, Captain

Rhoda, to get those bean fragments before

it's too late. Well, how can I refuse to

help with such a noble cause?We'll

be ready to go in an hour. Great. Thanks

for your help. Don't thank me. Is it me?Or

is that something suspicious about that

cat?Are you nuts?

What are we helping them for?We can't

spread our infection in the intestines if

they're full of methane. Indeed. That gas

is deadly. One touch of it and...

Right. So once those guys get rid of the

beans... We boot them

out into the acid, and they go...

Precisely.

say, Captain?I quite enjoy wearing your

uniform. Yeah,

it must be so humiliating for you

to be attacked and tied up by viruses.

Then, to have them use your own submarine

to infect Hector with gastroenteritis.

We'll have the kids spewing out of both

eggs in no time. We might even put him in

the hospital.

All righty. Are we all ready to,

you know, go down?

Dive?That's it.

Ready to dive, sir?

Make it so.

What kind ofThe drink doesn't know the

word die. Look!

Fragments of the great white beans. My

friends, let's do some destroy.

Well, if it isn't little mister, I don't

like brown macaroni and cheese.

Uh, I was wondering if I could borrow

some of the leftovers from my science

fair project. Help yourself. I'm just

gonna throw 'em away.

Is this a 12 beam salad?Yeah, lucky you

tried some before it was too late. It's

gonna expire in March. Yeah, in

March of last year. Huh,

you're right. My bad.

This thing fires enzyme packets. They'll

destroy the bean fragments without

hurting the digestive bacteria.

Take that! And that!

And that! Adios, frijoles!

Oh,

you finished it, huhLet's see.

Tada. Which cafeteria foods will a

dog eat?Brilliant. But

it could be considered cruelty toanimals.

Oh, I shouldn't have had that 12 bean

salad. What's the matter?You got, you

know, the Thunder down under. Air in your

derriere. You're working up a little

breeze from above the knees.

Well, throw that out here. There's no

place to go. What am I going to do?Well,

dude, either you hold it in. I can't.

OK. Or you become less popular than that

geek in 8th grade who picks his nose and

shows it to everyone. I'll hold it in.

Good choice. I

think you got the last of them. It just

seems like it was too easy. Um,

perhaps that. will be hard enough for

you. Holy toast.

Somebody ought to teach Hector the

importance of chewing his food. So,

great white bean, we meet

at last.

There's only one way to take care of a

bean this size. We'll have to crash the

sub into it. Oh, no!

The expl*si*n would destroy the bean. We

can detach this command module and return

home in it. I'm afraid this will mean

losing your submarine, Captain Rhoda. Oh,

that's quite all right. But I have just

one slight modification to your plan.

Some of us won't be returning home. Of

course, Captain Rhoda, I

should have known. You're the rotor

virus! Scourge of the

digestive tract, dread-bringers of

vomiting and diarrhea!

Soon, the sub will crash into the bean.

And after that, let's just say you won't

have to worry about what you want for

dinner tonight. Where do you think you're

going?That's acid out there!intestinal

viruses. We love digestive

juices, duh

And now, I'm afraid you're gonna be late.

Late for what?As in, the

late Osmosis Jones.

I got you guys into this. It's all my

fault. I'm a complete moron.

You know, you can disagree with me.

Almost there.

Blast! Roto disabled the unlocking

mechanism. We can't change course and we

can't disconnect this module from the

rest of the sub. At least, not

from the inside. Come on,

untie us already. I can't do that. Why

not?Because you might try to stop me.

Maria, no, it's too dangerous. I got us

into this, Mestre, and I'm gonna get us

out. Just

about. Got it.

Hurry.

She's trying to disconnect us from the

rest of the sun.

Adios. She's trapped on the sun. We have

to help her.

Grits. Catch. Well, what can I?Of

course.

Come on,

Maria. Catch.

Shockwave coming.

I got the drain.

Ohh

You You don't have to take us.

You just have to wash my car for the next

three years.

Travis, you gotta help me. I can't...

hold it in any longer. Hey, I know.

I could get Princess Fussypants to play a

really loud note on the tuba. That'd

cover up the sound. That might...

Princess Fussypants. Uh,

my mom named him. Whatever, that might

work. But what about the, you know, smell?

Just go stand over there.

Gotta stop those viruses. Gastroenteritis

is bad news, man. Next to that, a gas

attack seems like fun for the whole

family. There they are. But what can we

do?We don't have any weapons. Hey,

that gas bubble. I got an idea.

If it involves crashing headfirst into a

bubble of deadly gas, I urge you to

reconsider. Trust me.

Horrible. I know they were viruses,

but I wouldn't wish that gas on

anyone. I just hope Hector's ready for

that bubble to come out, 'cause there's

no stopping it now.

Three, two, one.

Hiya. Christine.

Phew. I can explain. Does that

compost stink or what?No, it...

Why, yes. Yes it

does. Why are you hanging around over

here?Um, well, I...

I better get back to my project. See ya.

Oh, my gosh. Did you just cut one with

Hector standing right next to you?

Yeah, but I blame the smell on the

compost. I think you bought it. Told you

you shouldn't have had that 12-beansalad.

I'm sorry I got you into this, guys. Hey,

we got rid of the great white beam and we

beat some nasty viruses. In my book,

that's a great day. Still, I I can't

shake the feeling that we forgot

something. Uh, what could we have forgot?

We are ready to judge your project,

Monsieur Cruz. Did you discover which

cafeteria food a dog will eat?Yeah,

none of them. In fact, they kind of scare

him.

Hmm, most interesting. One moment,

Ci Bouple. I

don't want this. Monsieur Cruz, we are

pleased to award you second place.

Well, thanks. And now,

we need to have a word with a cafeteria

supervisor. Second place! That's

great, Hector. I guess. I just

can't believe who I lost to.

When there's a fungus among us They don't

want to be rashed Even if it's humongous

They'll fix it in a flash Cells coming on

swerves, hit some nerves Trying to

protect him, they almost like him Looking

good like a blood cell should Like a

blood cell should Looking good like a

blood cell should With the cells in the

hood Looking good like a blood cell

should Like a blood cell should Looking

good like a blood cell should With the

cells in the hood