02x10 - Charity

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Carmen, you want to read me one of your poems?

Oh, I don't have time.

I'm going to the mall with Danielle to get some shoes.

Oh, hey, Max.

You want some help on that art project?

Nothing at all, Mom.

I'm fighting my way through the dungeon

trying to get the golden chalice.

Do you even know what a chalice is?

It's something that five dragons, a troll,

and you are keeping me from getting.

Oh, hey, how about I fight alongside you?

No, Mom, don't!

Great. You just k*lled me.

I'm dead. I'm dead!

Whatcha doing, Mr. Needles?

You wanna play?

Okay.

Hey.

Hey, Benny.

Huh.

What's the matter?

I did everything on my list.

I'm even three days ahead.

There's absolutely nothing left to do.

Want to have sex?

We could, but it's a little early for me to fall asleep.

George, you're busy with work, the kids are growing up,

the dog beat cancer.

I got nothing.

Everybody's taken care of.

Be happy you finally have some time to yourself.

You know what? You're right.

This is my time.

So what do you want to do? What makes you happy?

I like helping people.

No, really, what makes you happy?

No, I really enjoy charity work.

And there's so many causes that could use my time.

The homeless, endangered animals, the elderly.

How am I going to choose?

Okay, let's narrow it down.

Pandas or spotted owls?

Oh, they're both cute.

Pandas.

Okay.

Pandas or shut-ins?

But the shut-ins are really cute.

George, my only criteria isn't that they're cute.

Pandas.

Angie, what the hell is going on out there?

This is my new cause

It's job training to rehabilitate former g*ng members

This group's learning how to make a living grooming dogs

Hey, well, I think this is a great idea

Let all the hoodlums know where you live

And you know what? Save yourself some time

Lay out your valuables or hogtie yourself

Benny, these kids are just trying to better themselves.

The least I can do is spend my Saturdays helping them.

Saturdays? Angie, that's our family day.

We spend time together. I barbecue.

You ask me to do things. I hide in the yard.

Mm-hmm.

What am I gonna hide now that there's g*ns

and poop all over the place?

George, Saturdays the kids are out with their friends

and you're watching sports.

And that's okay. That's your thing.

This is my thing.

Hey, one of your things just tossed a 40-ounce



George, this is Giggles.

This whole program started with him.

Oh, hey, Giggles.

You're the little pioneer dog, aren't you?

Yes, you are.

I'm Giggles.

That's Ralphie.

Oh, right.

Hey, Giggles.

How'd you get that tag?

I love to laugh.

Giggles, why don't you tell George a little about how the program helped you?

I was banging since I was 10

But I got out because I found something to believe in

Dog grooming has saved my life

I heard that

My cousin Felix was saved by knitting sweaters for cats

For reals?

Yeah, sure, why not?

Hey, I'm done with this one

This looks horrible

What were you thinking?

How do you think that makes him feel?

I don't care.

I didn't spend four years getting my GED to shave dogs.

It's not exactly what I want to do with my life.

Okay, then what do you want to do with your life?

I don't know.

Well, everybody needs a purpose.

You have to want to do something.

I don't know.

I always figured I'd do something more high class.

You know, like working in an office.

Oh.

Just give me a minute.

George.

George!

No, no, no.

I'm not taking her down to the factory.

Don't start.

She can be an intern.

It won't cost you a cent.

The foundation will pay for it.

Angie, we shouldn't be getting involved in this.

We don't know anything about her.

She could be a lunatic.

Look, why don't we just let her babysit for a while?

George, if you don't give her a second chance, who will?

Not that dog.

Oh

One week

That's all she gets

Yes

Thank you

Yo, Giggles

What's the story with this girl?

Marisol?

I don't know, homie

I haven't tapped that yet

That's not what I meant

But thank you, Giggles

All my friends

Know the lowrider

The lowrider

Is a little higher

Hey!

It's 8.30.

I told you we start at 8.

You're late.

I know, huh?

So what'd I miss?

You missed the satisfaction of arriving on time,

of making a good impression, of meeting your co-worker.

You know you got the dead eyes of a shark.

Don't try to be all nice.

Hey, the new intern.

Hi, I'm Ernie. Welcome to Powers Aviation.

You got big ears.

Big ears. Big Q-tip.

Come on, I'll show you to your desk.

This is where you sit.

When you answer the phones,

say, Powers Brothers Aviation, may I help you?

If I'm not here, take a message.

If it's important, come find me.

You got any questions?

Yeah.

Do you always spit when you talk?

Oh.

Angie, you're k*lling me.

Okay, watch this.

Powers Brothers Aviation, may I help you?

It's for you.

Hello?

Hey, Junior.

Nah, that's that fool I was telling you about.

No, it's okay.

I could talk.

I know, huh?

Huh?

I know, huh?

I know, huh?

Hey, that wasn't cool.

I know, huh?

Sorry, no personal calls at work.

Hey, how's it going with Miss Home Invasion over there?

I never should have let Angie talk me into bringing this girl here.

She's sarcastic, she's rude.

She's like you with estrogen.

I told you it was a bad idea to bring her into your home,

and it's a bad idea to bring her to work.

Powers Brothers Aviation.

It's Mrs. Lopez.

Oh, that's my wife.

Sorry, no personal calls at work.

I like her.

What are you doing there, Max?

It's my dyslexia homework.

You have to use these letters and make them into words.

Here, let me help you.

Dad, you have dyslexia, too.

Wait, give me a minute. I can do this.

I think the last word is gizzic.

Are you sure it's not giggis?

Yeah, that's it. Write that down.

Angie, what's with the seniors?

I can handle the dog smell, but old people smell?

They're part of Operation Christmas Rescue.

They're repping gifts for disadvantaged kids.

This is your third new charity.

I thought you were only going to volunteer a couple hours a week.

Well, the g*ng people introduced me to the clothes drive people,

and it's so hard to say no when you're needed so much.

Just don't send any more of your charity cases to my office.

What? What happened with Marisol?

She's terrible.

You know the guy that got fired and came back and tried to sh**t up the plant?

He had a better attitude.

Come on, you're overreacting.

Really?

Well, she and Ernie were playing chicken with forklifts.

Only Ernie wasn't even in a forklift. He was just running.

Hey, that's not for you. I'm cooking for Meals on Wheels.

So what are we having for dinner?

I don't know. You can microwave something.

Microwave why? There's like 900 chicken wings here.

Are you a shut-in?

Are you gonna die in six months?

Then get off my chicken.

Oh.

Hey, Mom, can you have my pants now?

Not now, honey. I'm busy.

But I need them for school.

Can you at least show me how to do it?

You know what? I'll get to it when I'm done cooking.

Hey, Emma.

Hi, Angie. We're here for the meals on wheels.

Oh, the ones on the counter are ready for delivery.

Hey, I can help, too.

I'll deliver this meal to the next hungry person I see.

God bless you, sir.

Give me that.

You know, Janet called in sick.

When you're finished cooking,

could you deliver some meals for us tonight?

No.

Sure, you can count on me.

I thought we were gonna watch movies tonight.

I already rented some.

No, I can't now, George.

Oh, this changes everything.

I could have gotten a movie I like.

instead of one that'll touch your heart

and celebrate the triumph of the human...

Don't worry, Emma.

I'll meet you down at the center in half an hour.

Mom, where's my book bag?

Did you look in your room?

It's too messy.

Mom, if you're delivering meals, when are you going to hem my pants?

When are you going to help me look for my book bag?

I don't know.

George, could you give me a little help here?

Listen to your mother

George

What do you want me to say?

I think you're spreading yourself way too thin

You encouraged me to do this

But I didn't encourage you to do so much

You couldn't do anything else

All right, all right, that is it

A week ago you guys didn't need me for anything

But as soon as I find something that I want to do

You're helpless

Carmen, there is a sewing book by the machine

Figure it out

And Max, I bet if you clean your room

you will find your book bag.

And, George, make your own dinner

and watch your chick flick.

Everybody, stop asking me to do things

that you could be doing on your own.

I swear I never met a more selfish bunch of people.

Hey, what are you guys looking at?

Mind your own business.

I said, mind your own business.

They're deaf, George.

Oh, that man.

Were there any calls?

Yeah.

Well, who called?

The towers are moving and blowing the heating.

That doesn't make any sense.

I know, huh?

The towers are moving and blowing the heating.

The powers are moving the Boeing meeting.

Hey, now this other message makes sense.

You missed your heating.

George! George, where you been?

The Powers brothers are really ticked off.

They want to see you in their office right now.

Hey, I told you, if there are any important calls,

to come and get me on the floor.

If you can't answer the damn phone, what good are you?

Too good for you.

I'm out of here.

Perfect. Quit. That's a surprise.

Hey, it's a surprise to me.

I thought she'd burn the place down.

Who do you care? You would have fired me anyway.

How do you know?

You're quitting before you get fired.

You think if you don't try, you can't fail.

You don't know anything about me, fool.

You don't know me.

I don't know you. I was you.

But you're right. You know what? I'm the fool.

So just get out of here and do nothing

Because that's what you're going to end up being, nothing

Powers Brothers Aviation

How can I help your a*s?

So close

at your kid's school or something.

Hello? Uh-huh.

Okay, I'll be right down. Thank you.

Damn, my son's sick and they can't find Angie.

Well, what should I tell the Powers brothers?

Okay, write this down.

Tell them it's all Angie's fault that she made me hire an intern

that made me miss the meeting,

and I can't explain myself to them

because I gotta go to the school to pick up my sick kid

because my wife's out there trying to save the world.

Okay, I'm ready.

Hey, Carmen, is there any chicken soup in the house?

I don't know, Dad.

I'm just trying to help Mom by doing the laundry.

Oh, by the way, I can't find any of Max's underwear.

Does he go commando?

No, Mom saves them all till Sunday night,

and then she does the load of shame.

Okay, I didn't really need to know that.

George, what are you doing home?

Max got sick and I had to pick him up from school.

Where the hell were you?

I was delivering meals. Is he okay?

He has a stomachache.

And you had to leave work at a bad time.

Listen to you.

You picked one of our kids up from school one time.

You make it sound like I'm neglecting the family.

I can't keep running home from work.

You've got to be available.

You know, I am not getting into this right now.

I want to check on Max.

Honey, how are you feeling?

Not good.

I took his temperature and there's no fever.

It's a stomachache.

It's going around the school.

It lasts three days.

Three days?

So you'll be fine to go to that laser tag birthday party on Saturday?

Is that this Saturday?

You know, if he's this sick,

maybe we should take him to the hospital.

I hear they got a new stomach pump.

More pressure?

Did they fix that?

Because I heard it turned one kid

completely inside out.

Okay, okay, I'm not sick.

Hey, so why'd you lie?

I had to get out of school.

I wasn't ready to take my reading test

for special ed.

Dad tried to help me with my homework,

but I don't have that kind of time.

Max, why didn't you ask me?

You said we were selfish,

and we should be doing things on our own.

Honey, that's not what I meant.

You can always come to me, okay?

Okay.

Sorry I lied, Dad.

I just didn't want to get held back.

Well, there's something I want to know.

Hey, how'd you fake the vomit?

Let's just say I know a guy.

Angie.

Don't say it.

I'll say it for you.

I screwed up.

Well, that's no fun.

I overdid it.

I took on too much stuff.

So what's going on?

You know what I did today?

I brought a meal to an old woman.

She thanked me.

She hugged me.

She also thought I was Natalie Wood,

but that's another story.

Angie, I know you like helping people.

It's not just helping people.

I made a difference.

I wasn't making a difference around here anymore.

Are you kidding?

You make a huge difference.

You just don't get to thank yous.

Kids never appreciate anything you do.

Remember when we made the deal that one of us would work

and one of us would stay home with the kids?

Angie, you picked the harder job.

I get to punch in and punch out, but you don't, sucker.

I'll cut back.

They do need me.

And I need you, too.

Come here, baby.

Come on.

You know, when we got married,

You said we'd spend our whole lives together.

And that didn't sound so good at first.

But I've kind of gotten used to the idea.

Me too.

Oh, my God!

Hey, Carmen found Max's underwear.

Oh.

George!

What's wrong?

Oh, so sick.

But we were supposed to see the Nutcracker today.

Is that this Saturday?

You just stay here and relax, okay?

Are those your golf shoes?

What?

And your butter.

That's not a thermometer.

Thank you.