("Just Like a Woman"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Rebecca:
I've actually done my best
to really not think about this
for 30 years... (chuckles)
...let alone
talk out loud about it.
Society has a weird view
towards women
in these relationships.
There's so much misogyny.
You're sort of pigeonholed
into this girlfriend,
or ex-girlfriend,
or you're... these roles,
and you're supposed to...
um, sort of be cut
as a pathetic figure. (chuckles)
I've gone as far
from being an artist
in New York City,
as one can imagine,
and I think that is a lot
because of his death.
No
He heard the whole of his person
in the music.
Writing his second record
was so daunting.
Tonight, as I stand
Joan: It was a huge step forward
for him.
But I haven't been able
to listen.
(scoffs)
That might sound crazy, but...
(voice breaking) ...I can't.
Just like a woman, yes...
Mary: I certainly was
a flawed parent.
Just like a woman
But he sure got me, you know?
And he got exactly
where I came from,
and understood...
why I made the choices
I made in my life.
(inhales deeply)
No one has ever loved me
more or better...
than he.
("Last Goodbye"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Jeff: Every human being
has music
that only they can make.
And it's my deepest form
of communication with people.
It'll always keep on changing,
it'll always defy anything
that tries to put people
in a box.
This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love
Between us die
- (crowd cheering)
- But it's over
Just hear this
And then I'll go
You gave me more to live for
More than you'll ever know
Jeff: There's things I wanna do
that I've never heard of.
It's my life.
Yeah, this is
Our last embrace
Must I dream
And always see your face?
I just love when men
use their voice
so unselfconsciously.
I mean, he was literally
the best singer I've ever heard.
And he was so amazed
by what female singers could do.
Feminine, masculine,
he was and is my favorite.
Kiss me, please kiss me
But kiss me
Out of desire, babe
Ben: When you really dig
into the lyrics,
it's so sacred,
him recognizing his own...
I guess,
you could call it "mortality."
I'll only make you cry
This is our last goodbye
Jeff: I wanna be
songwriter Jeff.
Jeff Buckley, songwriter.
Oh, ooh, ooh, ooh
He had a way of playing
the most beautiful songs
you've ever heard.
He could have literally been
doing anything musically
that he wanted to do.
Signs that it's over
Oh-oh, ooh
It's o... o... over
(song concludes)
Mary: First time
I heard Jeff sing...
he was in the bassinet. (laughs)
("Ain't No Mountain High
Enough" by Diana Ross playing)
Mary: One time I came in,
and I could hear him.
He was vocalizing to the radio.
Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah
Jeff: The day I heard
"Ain't No Mountain High Enough,"
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
I thought, "Ooh, damn."
(sighs) "He's a singer."
Jeff: Music charged my life.
Interviewer 1: A good childhood?
- (reel whirring)
- Jeff: Uh...
It was a childhood.
(locomotive bell ringing)
(woman singing in Spanish)
Jeff: (over recording) My mom's
first-generation
Panamanian immigrant.
Very good girl, brought up
with Voodoo-Catholic values.
You know,
brought over to Anaheim,
you know, that hellhole
in Southern California,
where Disneyland is.
(joyful fair music overlaps)
(music distorts,
turns ominous)
- (Spanish song echoes)
- (music intensifies)
(music abruptly stops)
Mary: My parents had
high hopes for me.
You know, immigrant parents,
their eldest child.
I wanted to be an actress,
and sing and dance,
and play the piano,
but I had soiled
the family name,
and dishonored them
having premarital sex.
("Sweet Surrender"
by Tim Buckley playing)
Mary: I met Timothy
in French class.
He would do things like
pull one hair on my...
(chuckles)
Right? And I would turn around,
and he would be
looking up. (chuckles)
We were two kids
from a*usive, crazy homes,
and we just knew the world
better than anybody else.
Now, you wanna know
The reason
Mary: Seventeen at the time,
I was already
a teenage pregnant mom.
Why I cheated on you
My parents thought
maybe I should give
the baby up for adoption.
But there was no choice for me
but to go through
with the pregnancy.
And I knew from the fifth month
that I was never going
to see Tim again.
This little man had to try
Mary: First of all,
he was with somebody else.
To make love feel new again
Mary: Plus, he was determined
to be a singer-songwriter.
This child was on me.
'Cause there's just
A few things, honey
Jeff: He split
before I was born.
You know, he decided
not to be a father to me.
You don't serve
your country, man.
You serve life,
you serve people.
TV, from the very beginning,
and also public schools,
have been the great lobotomizer.
(groans)
Everything in the outer world
is not the world,
the cars,
how much perfume you wear.
The world is what's inside
and what cats
pull out of themselves
- all through time.
- Mary: I said to him,
"You gotta go
pursue your dreams,
you go."
But... my dreams
of being an actress,
or being a concert pianist...
- that was all gone.
- (baby wailing)
Mary: Jeff and I
sort of raised each other.
("Mama, You Been On My Mind"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Rebecca: Well, his father
wasn't there,
but this woman loved him
with all her heart
and didn't hesitate
to make him feel loved
at every chance she had.
He would come and put
his little hands on my face,
and say, "We're gonna be okay,
mommy, right?"
And I'd go, "Yes, we are, honey.
We're just fine."
He... had to take care of her.
And he was feeling like
she had been hurt...
and feeling horrible about that.
Perhaps it is the color
Of the sun cut flat
And covering the crossroads
I'm standing at
Mary: Jeff was like having
a grandfather watching over me
and telling me
who was okay to date,
and who wasn't.
But Mama
You've been on my mind
Jeff: When I was a kid,
I always felt really proud
if I could roll a joint for all
the grownups at the party.
I never did it,
but, like, I always...
"I wanna do it, let me do it."
I now remember the day
that my mom called me over
to the reclining chair,
and tried to explain to me
that if I told anybody
that they did this stuff,
they would go to jail.
("The Man That Got Away"
by Judy Garland playing)
And all because of the man
That got away
Mary: When Jeff was little,
before I even made coffee,
music would go on, constant.
Constant, constant, constant.
Jeff: Judy Garland. Huh!
"The Man That Got Away."
I love that song.
And it was very important
to us.
("Whole Lotta Love"
by Led Zeppelin playing)
Oh, I want
A whole lotta love
Jeff: My stepfather, Ronald,
he was a car mechanic.
He was the one
that introduced me
to Led Zepplin.
That changed my whole life.
Mary: Ron would turn
the stereo on loud enough,
the whole block could hear,
and there would be Little Jeff
laying on top of the speakers
with his little body
vibrating to the music.
Jeff: Music, it was my mother,
it was my father.
It was the best thing
in my life.
Mary: I see in the newspaper
this quarter-page ad.
Narrator: Tim Buckley
made a name for himself
as one of pop music's
genuine innovators.
Over the course of nine albums,
he incorporated
the prettiest of folk music,
the most extreme
of free-form jazz
and the raunchiest
of rock and blues.
Mary: And I thought, "Wow,
maybe this is an opportunity
for my son
to get to know his father."
I looked at Jeff and said,
"Hey, would you like to go
see your dad perform?"
(indistinct chattering)
("Sally Go Round The Roses"
by Tim Buckley playing)
Ooh, ooh, ooh
I'm singin' Sally go round
Mary: Jeff was rocking
to the music...
Saddest thing
In this whole wide world
Mary:
...and looking up at his dad.
Tim had his eyes closed,
but he had to know he was there,
had to be aware of his presence.
Sally, don't you go down
(crowd cheering, applauding)
Mary: When he went back
to the green room,
I looked down and said,
"Do you wanna go see him now?"
And I could feel
Jeff clutching my skirt...
(laughs) ...you know,
kind of hanging on,
pressing close,
and looking around.
I couldn't see Tim at first,
and then I heard, "Jeff!"
"Hi, bud. How are you doing?"
Jeff sat on his lap,
and he started talking,
what his favorite color was,
"My dog's name is King,"
what grade he was in.
("Calling You"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Mary: About ten minutes later,
Tim said,
"We'd like to take him home
with us tonight."
(sighs, chuckles)
I'm going... (grunts)
"Yeah, you can take him home
right now,
but you better not f*ck up."
Jeff: I stayed with him a week.
Easter vacation.
He had an adopted son,
he had a new wife,
he had a whole other family.
Mary: Four days later,
I got a telephone call.
Tim had to get back
into the studio,
and put Jeff on a bus
in Santa Monica.
"It was so much fun.
My dad has a lot of friends."
"And he gave me this."
I said, "You save that, buddy."
("So Real"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Jeff: No calls were returned.
It was two months before.
I have a great deal
of pain and anger,
but I have a great deal
of love and compassion...
for Tim.
Some things that he did
completely embarrass me to hell.
But the things that were great
hold up against anything.
Mary: Jeff wasn't even mentioned
in any of the obituaries.
Jeff: By the time
I was in high school,
got my first electric guitar.
It was a black
Memphis Les Paul copy.
Yeah, just fell in
with the wrong crowd
and got a band together,
of course.
("Eternal Life"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Eternal life
Is now on my trail
Got my red glitter coffin,
Man
Just need one last nail
While all these
Ugly gentlemen
Play out their foolish games
There's a flaming red horizon
That screams our names
(scattered crowd cheering)
(melodic guitar strumming)
Mary: At 15,
Jeff was practicing
Al Di Meola every night.
Jeff: That was a fixation I had
up until the time
I was, maybe, 16.
And I can play anything I hear.
("Your Flesh Is So Nice"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Jeff: My high-school bullies
called me "f*gg*t."
And their f*cking new-wave
girlfriends stenciled, "Geek,"
on my f*cking Ovation Viper
electric guitar case.
Roxanne
You don't have to put on
The red light
Mary: Jeff had an ability
to mimic the vocal cadences,
and the inflections of people
he was listening to.
Roxanne
You don't have to wear
That dress tonight
Walk the streets for...
It's in exact album... It's...
'Cause, you know,
a lot of people
would tune it down a step,
so they could hit the note.
This is the exact...
It's... It's album pitch.
Put on the red light
It's the same key. (laughs)
(upbeat guitar playing)
Jeff: I used to wanna be
a guitar aficionado.
But the thing I was gonna learn
to do best was songwriting.
Music and words.
I decided to make
a woman of music,
and give myself to her.
And at another point,
I decided to make
a man of music
and give myself to him.
When you're a kid,
people assume
that you have no mind
of your own,
which, at a very early age,
I did.
("So Real"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Jeff: I put so many things
onto music for me...
so that I wouldn't shrink
into a black...
universe.
(church bell tolling)
Mary: St. Ann's in Brooklyn
wanted Jeff to sing
at a tribute to Tim.
("I Never Asked
To Be Your Mountain"
by Tim Buckley playing)
Oh, I never asked
To be your mountain
I never asked to fly
Jeff: I said, "No."
Remember when you came to me
Jeff: "I will never, ever
perform that music."
- Told me of his lies
- Jeff: "I've got my own music."
(soft guitar scratching)
Mary: I said,
"You know what, son?"
"Give it some thought."
"There's gonna be
some really amazing artists
in the lineup."
Jeff: So, I said, "Okay,
but I just wanna come on
and sing, and come off."
"This is not a springboard."
"This is something
really personal."
Mary: And they told me, "Well,
we don't know how good he is,
so we'll put him
with other artists
to fill in any gaps
in his talents."
Hal: Dangerous situations
appeal to me.
There had been a bit of buzz
that Tim Buckley's son
would be there.
I figured,
"Hey, what's the worst
that can happen?"
(soft music playing faintly)
Jeff: (on microphone) Um...
Mary: The luminaries
of downtown were there.
This could be exactly
what I dreamed for him.
Jeff: (sighing) Uh...
(chuckles nervously)
Rebecca: I didn't know
who he was, and I'm working
doing sound and lighting,
but he was so nervous.
He was so...
Like, his hair
was just in front of his face,
and he seemed so awkward.
Jeff: Long time ago,
when I was a little kid,
my mom sat on a bed,
and she put this record on,
and I heard my father's voice.
Rebecca: He had on
his father's coat,
and he started to play...
It was his dad's song
about leaving him as a child.
("I Never Asked
To Be Your Mountain"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
I never asked
To be your mountain
- I never asked to fly
- Mary: And he was weeping.
Remember when you came to me
And told me of his lies
You didn't understand
My love
You don't know why I try
And the rain
Was falling on that day
And that's the reason why
- Oh
- (crowd cheering)
Sweet
Sweet
Sweet lover
(song concludes)
Hal: It did become
Jeff's concert.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
Rebecca: I was like,
"This can't be real."
(applauding fades out)
He told me he walked away
with no less
than 60 business cards
in his pockets.
Jeff: My friend,
he said he heard
Tim Buckley's haunted voice.
It's not his voice,
and it's not my voice.
It's the voice
that's been passed down
through every man in the family.
Rebecca: He came out,
and sat next to me, and said,
"What did you think?"
I was thinking, "My opinion here
does not matter,"
but that was really stunning,
like, just so beautiful.
("Hymne l'Amour"
by Gary Lucas
& Jeff Buckley playing)
Rebecca: He was asking
if he could walk me
to the subway,
and gets on the train with me,
and took it all the way
into Manhattan,
and we're talking and talking.
And we stayed on that train,
and we went all the way up
to the last stop. (chuckles)
Jeff: Besides reading
and movies,
what I really like
is night prowling,
finding out-of-the-way places
where the misfits go.
(Rebecca laughing)
You're making me laugh so much.
(Jeff laughs, sings)
Yeah, mean
Rebecca: Then we got
in the downtown,
and we went all the way
to Coney Island and back.
(laughs)
I will take to any task
I'll do anything you ask
If you really love me still
Rebecca: He was so interested
in what I did,
which really surprised me
'cause I was doing
experimental theater.
It was really less
about money and fame,
and more about
pushing the boundaries.
Nobody I knew my own age
was really interested
in any of that,
but he was someone who drank up
the world like a sponge.
("You Make Me Feel So Young"
by Nelson Riddle playing)
(siren wailing)
You make me feel so young
Jeff: Thank you.
You make me feel like
Spring has sprung
Michael: I was in a play
with Rebecca.
I was in high school.
And Jeff just felt
very electric to me.
The moment that you speak
Michael: Jeff had
a real lust for life.
Go play hide and seek
Rebecca: The East Village
at that time
was such a collection
of every eccentric
that did not fit in
anywhere else.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
You and I
Rebecca: And he saw
so many people
breaking down the status quo.
Artists were being banned.
The NEA was being censored.
Jeff: New York was the place
for this amazing stuff,
stuff I can't even describe
to you.
Sometimes he would
just disappear,
and I'd get a call
from a friend later going,
"Jeff showed up
at my house today." (laughs)
Every moment was so spontaneous.
He would make
very elaborate outgoing messages
like old-time radio shows.
(dramatic music playing)
Jeff: (over tape) And now,
the continuing adventures
of Spinach the Cat.
Michael: His most famous
being Spinach the Cat.
Jeff: (over tape)
...house cat falls on the edge.
- And now, your host,
Quentin Snobbery!
- (laughs)
Michael: Jeff didn't have a job,
so he had a lot of time
on his hands.
Jeff used to look specifically
for Michael Bolton tapes,
so he could put
the piece of tape
over the top,
and record over it. (laughs)
He would line up tape recorders
'cause there was no samplers,
there was no digital computer,
nothing.
Michael: He basically created
this little studio
all for this...
(chuckles) ...outgoing message.
Pressing this sound effect
- for when the crowd cheers.
- (crowd cheering)
(laughs) And this sound effect
when the cat meows.
- (meows)
- It was an hour long.
And so people... (laughs)
...they had to listen
to this hour-long soap opera.
(soft jazz music playing)
Michael: He asked me,
"Do you think
this part is too much?"
I thought, "The whole thing
is too much." (laughs)
Jeff: (over tape)
Join us next time
for the continuing adventures
of Spinach the Cat.
(indistinct chatter)
(whispering)
I love you. I love... (kisses)
Rebecca: I think
Jeff had this desire
to be liked and loved,
and to connect with people.
(ethereal music playing)
Jeff started calling me
Butterfly.
I think he saw me at that point
of coming out of a cocoon.
("Opened Once"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Rebecca: We were these two
sensitive young souls
searching for where you fit in,
and feel empowered and loved,
and found each other.
I once was open
And one
With a traveling heart
But I called him... (chuckles)
...the Scratchy Fish,
'cause he was always
not shaving, very bristly.
(laughs) And he started
making these stories,
almost like children's stories.
This is Scratchy Fishy,
this is their home,
and this is Butterfly,
and they're getting married.
The story he wove
about a butterfly and a fish
was that
they could never be together.
Just like the ocean
Always in love
With the moon
It's overflowing now
Inside you
Michael:
You could see in his eyes
that he would sometimes go
to this place that I think
was very inaccessible
to anyone but himself.
He just would check out.
In the half-light
You saw me as I am
(music concludes)
(acapella)
The stars have lost
Their glitter
The winds have grown colder
I wanted to be a... you know,
a chanteuse. (chuckles)
Don't know what happened
It's all a crazy game
Jeff: Secretly, I think
I wanted to be Nina Simone.
I love all things about you
Jeff: Although she would advise
against this strongly, I'm sure.
- Your heart
- Your heart
Sometimes, I think I wanted
to be Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.
(singing qawwali
in foreign language)
Jeff: He was my Elvis.
Oh
(soft piano overlapping)
- (vocalizes)
- (vocalizes)
(Jeff singing in
foreign language, vocalizing)
(crowd cheering, applauding)
(singing,
melodic vocalizing continue)
(audience members cheering)
Ben: To be a scrappy, young
White kid from Orange County,
covering Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan
or Nina Simone,
you just have to give it up.
He must've been
working his a*s off.
(Jeff continues singing
in foreign language)
Kate: There was
a tiny little club
in the East Village
called Sin-e.
You could probably fit in
maybe 30 or 40 people
at the most,
and it would be
super, super crowded.
And Jeff was washing dishes,
he was serving people coffee,
and then every now and then
he would just get up and play.
Jeff: (over microphone)
Check. That's cool.
- I'm a ridiculous person.
- (crowd members laughing)
Jeff: And you're lucky
you've paid no money to see me.
("Night Flight"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
U2 member: It was
an Irish-run coffee shop.
A great little place
to see somebody in the raw.
(Jeff vocalizing)
This is a perfect place
for music lovers.
It's not like playing
at a rock club.
It's not like playing at a ball.
This is good place to get real.
(on stage) Turn it up.
Michael: It was so homey
in here.
It just smelled
of, like, espresso.
He'd be in the middle
of some, like, ballad
and you just hear that...
(imitates machine hissing)
- ("The Way
Young Lovers Do" plays)
- And we sat on our own star
And dreamed of the way
that I was...
Rebecca: The Sin-e community
became a place
of such encouragement for him.
Oh, baby, baby
It really became a home
- where he could experiment.
- (crowd cheering, applauding)
Jeff: (on microphone)
It's a fabulous time
For a Guinness
- (crowd laughing)
- You know the brown liquor
(high-pitched scat-singing)
- (funky guitar playing)
- (scat-singing continues)
("Smells Like Teen Spirit"
riff playing on guitar)
- (riff stops)
- (crowd laughing, cheering)
Jeff: The Buttocks
of Steel tour, Jeff Buckley.
Michael: In the beginning,
there were just a few people.
Then all of a sudden,
it was, like, packed.
Jeff: (on microphone) I'll play
the seat-finding song.
Michael: Crowds, you know,
spilling out into the street.
(whimsical tune
plays on guitar)
- Jeff: Everybody, stop.
- (tune stops playing)
(crowd laughing)
He was really
an entertainer there
as much as a musician.
Jeff: By the way,
all these songs are
for the lovers in the audience.
- (soft guitar playing)
- Rebecca: He mostly did covers.
Michael: And then
he started introducing
some of the original material.
Andy: It went from laughing
to jaw-dropping,
you know? (chuckles)
Jeff: This is a song
about a dream.
(hums tune)
- (guitar strums chord)
- (vocalizes melodically)
Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh
(vocalizing) Whoo
Oh, Oh
Whoo-ooh
("Mojo Pin"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
(gentle humming, vocalizing)
Oh, oh
(continues vocalizing)
Ooh...
(plaintive vocalization)
Ooh, ooh
That was the first time I ever
saw Jeff Buckley at Sin-e.
When I'm lying in my bed
The blanket is warm
This body will never be safe
From harm
I still feel your hair
Black ribbons of coal
Touch my skin
To keep me whole
(vocalizes melodically)
I mean, you know,
a pin could drop.
I wasn't thinking about
being a music executive.
I was just a fan.
Oh, if only
You'd come back to me
If you laid at my side
Wouldn't need no mojo pin
To keep me satisfied
Michele: I was there
with Columbia.
I think
we were all sort of stopped
in our tracks that night.
(continues vocalizing)
Oh, precious, precious
Silver and gold
Jeff: (interviewed) The whole
record company gauntlet
started infesting
my gigs. (chuckles)
They were all there,
the people from Elektra,
Arista, Sony.
And pray to love
Jeff: (on microphone) Hmm!
It was a bit of a cotillion.
But that's the way it goes.
Ooh, ooh
Rebecca: We'd all heard
so many nightmares
about large labels,
and lack of creative expression,
but I think he went into it
feeling like
he'd been reassured
that he was gonna get that.
Well, it's you
I've waited my life to see
It's you I've searched
So hard...
Jeff: I knew that
they were just sitting there
with bated breath,
waiting for the new Tim Buckley
to come up and pick up
where his father left off.
I hated it. I couldn't stand it.
f*cking bullshit.
Interviewer: What do you think
you inherited from your father?
People who remember my father.
Next question.
(percussive music playing)
Jeff: I went around and sampled
record company people
to find where I fit in.
Michael: Jeff had
a little bit of fear
about the fact
that he didn't have
more original material.
I would never tell him
what to do,
but I was like, "Go small."
Jeff: I went to Sony.
Well, Columbia.
When you walk in,
the first thing you see
is Bob Dylan,
on the wall, looking beautiful.
A foot away is Miles.
Foot away is Monk,
Duke Ellington,
Chambers Brothers, Mahalia.
Sometimes I feel
It was purely emotional,
I was like "Yeah, this is...
I wanna be... here."
("If You See Her, Say Hello"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Michele: Columbia has
such a storied legacy
of Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan
and Bruce Springsteen.
What we all felt
sitting in that room was that
he would one day
be in that pantheon.
Jeff: I said, "Gentlemen,
you won't be able to dictate
anything to me,
I'm just gonna make something
I've never heard before."
And the people
that I settled with
were pretty fine with that idea.
Rebecca: He was told that
it was, like,
one of the biggest deals
an unknown person
had ever gotten.
Rebecca: He brought home
the contract.
It was, like, 40 pages long.
(chuckles) I'd never seen
anything like it.
("Sky Blue Skin"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
It should have been just joy,
but I think
suddenly things changed.
I would come home from work,
and I'd come up
the six flights of stairs,
and I would get to the door,
and put my key in the door,
and I'd hear him stop.
Before the record contract,
he would sing and play for me
all the time.
I said to him,
"Do you need a place to work?"
The pressure to write songs
and not be interrupted
was so intense.
Jeff: I'm going to write...
a hundred songs in five weeks.
Means 20 songs a week.
(chuckles)
Ugh...
Michael: He struggled
with the lyrics.
Jeff: I'm a horrible critic.
I'm my own worst critic.
Michael: He was obsessed
with Morrissey and Dylan.
So, he had a very high standard.
He didn't wanna be known
as the guy who only does covers.
Rebecca: My hope had been that
we would work
on the relationship
and live together,
but he would find another space
where he could get
this record contract fulfilled.
That was naive
to hope... (chuckles)
...'cause he moved out
completely.
("Grace"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Jeff: People are, like, saying,
"Look, I'll give you
all this money,
look, I'll be your manager,
look, I'll be your agent."
"Look, I got this place
I want you to play.
Blah, blah, blah."
And I just wanna make
something special,
not even care
about anything else,
money, or prestige,
or a tour, or nothing.
There's the moon
Asking to stay
(continues singing lyrics)
- Try it again.
- (record rewinding)
(metronome ticking)
There's the moon
Asking to stay
Long enough
For the clouds to fly...
Rebecca: Coming up with
a record's worth of material
with musicians and a producer
and engineers waiting,
and everybody
is dependent on you,
you know, it's like, tick-tock,
start making magic.
Let's try it again.
(whispers) Come into my world.
(over recording)
My journals are the lyrics
for the albums.
The songs just come
out of poems,
and sometimes
poems come out of dreams.
And she weeps on my arm
Walking to the bright lights
In sorrow
Oh, drink a bit of wine
We both might go tomorrow
Jeff: (interviewed)
This is a song
called "Grace."
It's basically a death prayer.
Ooh
I always describe it as,
you know,
not fearing anything,
anyone, any man, any woman,
any w*r, any g*n,
any sling or arrow aimed
at your heart by other people.
Ooh
It reminds me of the pain
(continues singing lyrics)
Because there is
somebody finally
who loves you for real.
Jeff: You can achieve
a real state of grace
through somebody else's
love in you.
Jeff would say, "Oh, we should
bring strings in on this song."
Karl: We had this idea to write
interesting backgrounds
that fit the voice,
actual lines,
you know, counter lines.
Andy: Karl came
from the jazz world.
He was more appealing to Jeff
than somebody who does
pop string arrangements.
Britney Spears would call,
and I said,
"No, that's... you're calling
the wrong person."
Jeff listened to Bill Evans.
He listened to Shostakovich.
- (music stops)
- Have you heard
of any pop singers
even knowing
who Shostakovich is? (laughs)
- (music resumes)
- And the rain is falling
And I believe
Don: It was the same way
that Led Zeppelin
used orchestrations.
Any orchestra leader
would have loved
to have had their day with Jeff,
to be able
to just go to the moon.
(chuckles)
People who sing high lose power.
Jeff actually gains power.
Michael: His range
was like four octaves.
Karl: You think
you're coming to a peak,
and then he goes
one step further
and then he goes
another step further.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
(vocalization intensifies)
Yeah, whoo
"Grace" is one of those songs
that would inspire me
to pick up the guitar and play,
and then I'd start to
kind of... find something
that made me feel like that,
and fail miserably at it,
put the guitar back.
Oh, oh!
Merri: Jeff said, "I want you
to sh**t my album cover."
I had all the contact sheets,
and Jeff just went... boing,
"That's it. That's the cover."
Michele: It's completely iconic.
He already looks like
he's Sinatra.
Merri: The folks
at the company didn't like
the glittery gold jacket.
"Yeah, that's a little
too effeminate."
And Jeff's like,
"You gave me creative control.
I choose that."
And I feel them
Drown my name
Was so easy to know
And forget with this kiss
Well, I'm not afraid to go
But it goes so slow
Jeff: (interviewed)
Seven originals, three covers.
(vocalizes) Wait in the fire
Wait in the fire
Oh, oh, oh
Ben: He made a record that
no one else could ever have
come close to making
as a first record, it's uncanny.
Karl: Now, it's like
a legendary album.
People know me better for that
than for my own music.
(chuckles)
Oh, yeah, wait in the fire
- (vocalizing)
- (song concludes)
- That was all right.
- Man: It was great.
Mary: I remember...
putting it in the CD player
in my car...
and I was...
overwhelmed with the mastery,
and the musicianship...
and the poetry.
And...
and the vocal performances...
were beyond anything
I had imagined
he was capable of.
Ooh
("Mojo Pin"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
(Jeff vocalizing)
Don: Boy!
France, Australia, UK, huge.
"Grace" was huge!
It was a monster hit.
US, moderate.
(Jeff vocalizing)
Oh
Jeff: (interviewed) As a child,
I lived in Los Angeles.
I mean,
you see people getting signed,
dreams totally inflated falsely.
But I really admire artists
allowed to fail,
are allowed to be human,
allowed to make
the most glorious dances
they could ever imagine,
and totally fall,
and get back up
'cause it's all human.
But if you're like this side of,
you know, Danny Partridge,
it's just, like,
totally impossible.
("Hooker With A p*nis"
by Tool playing)
Artist:
It's the era of grunge.
And Jeff was
a real counterweight to that.
He was part of
this downtown New York scene.
- (gentle piano playing)
- (Jeff vocalizing)
Michele: Back then
Jeff defied genres.
Jeff tested boundaries.
Jeff challenged
traditional male, female roles.
So, his music
was not easy to fit
into the dozen radio categories.
("Rusty Cage"
by Soundgarden playing)
Michele: And yet
Jeff was also influenced
by some of the artists
that came out
in the late '80s and early '90s
from Seattle.
Soundgarden was playing
in London,
and I don't think
I quite realized
what a huge Soundgarden fan
Jeff was.
You've been taken
Oh, my goodness,
this is where he could be
like a little, you know,
annoying brother, like,
"You have to take me.
I'm coming with you."
(gentle music playing)
He just magically showed up
one day,
and it was on.
It was a beautiful,
beautiful friendship
between he and Chris.
There was a sense of mischief
with this...
almost soulmate understanding.
Jeff: Chris Cornell
does it really well.
He's, like, the one
of the few people I've met
that makes his life work,
his ordinary life,
'cause without ordinary life,
there's no art.
("Mojo Pin"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Interviewer: How would you like
your fans to think of you?
Jeff: (over recording)
Just as a... Really as a guy
that's just, like,
a really good storyteller.
Just somebody who does
a job that they enjoy.
Joan: Of course,
it was incredible
that so many people
reacted to his music,
but the fame
that went along with that
was not the fun part.
Even when he acted confident,
it was kind of an act.
It was him channeling
that bravely as a character,
but I still think
that really insecure person
was always there.
Jeff: (interviewed) Well,
everybody is sensitive,
but sometimes,
men don't wanna recognize it.
I don't even want people
to really think of me as a face,
or a name, or a body,
or anything, just the music,
'cause when I'm dead...
that's the only thing
that'll be around.
(Jeff vocalizing)
("Lover, You Should've Come
Over" by Jeff Buckley playing)
Rebecca: How he was being
examined under a microscope
was so intense,
'cause that quality he had
to disappear in the moment...
ultimately amounted
to not showing up
where I was. (chuckles)
One night, he didn't come home,
and this was Valentine's Day.
By 03:00 or 04:00
in the morning,
I was calling hospitals
around New York City.
And then he just sauntered in.
He had been out with friends.
Maybe I'm too young
(continues singing lyrics)
But tonight...
Jeff: (over voicemail)
Hi, Rebecca, it's nine o'clock
and I f*cking couldn't get
into your show,
'cause I got there too close
to eight o'clock.
I'm so disappointed.
I really wanna see you.
Too young to hold on
And too old
To just break free and run
Rebecca: During
his record-release party,
I had a backstage pass.
He'd handwritten my name on it.
His manager was at the door,
and he went,
"You can't go in now.
Sit over there."
Two hours went by,
I went to the door,
and I turned the handle,
and I walked in... (chuckles)
...and it was
a mostly empty room.
Gets carried away
Rebecca: They said Jeff left,
like, over an hour ago.
He must have gone out
a back door.
The next morning,
he was so apologetic,
and really upset...
but I felt resigned.
I didn't wanna be an appendage,
I didn't wanna be in his world
if he didn't really
want me there.
So, I'll wait for you
And I'll burn
Will I ever see
Your sweet return?
The hard part about letting go
was like,
"I hope
he will have good people,"
because he didn't have
any self-protection.
It's never over
She's the tear that hangs
Inside my soul forever
Love, lover
Lover
Lover, lover, lover
Love, love, love
Lover
- You should've come over
- (crowd cheering, applauding)
'Cause it's not too late
(crowd cheering, applauding)
Michael:
When Rebecca and him split,
he just kind of looked like
a different person for a while.
- (indistinct chatter)
- (traffic rumbling)
There was a time
when I was in New York
and we spent some time together,
and... we met at a bar.
And this jazz band
is really loud,
so it was impossible
for us to talk.
We started
writing each other messages.
For a lot of it, I think
he was trying to be seductive...
but... (chuckles)
...it was, like, really not
where I wanted to go.
("So Real"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
There was a very boundary-less
kind of liquid feeling to him.
He felt very desperate
to self-medicate
with, you know, making us
into a sexual relationship.
I remember getting
kind of frustrated,
and writing,
"You need love, not sex."
Generally, I love
to rush in there,
and try to fix a broken guy,
but that liquid, watery quality
just felt very tidal-wavy.
Michael: He was very hard
on himself.
Like, sometimes
I got the sense that...
he felt that there were
good and evil forces,
you know, at play within him.
(song concludes)
(indistinct chatter)
Jeff: Music, I don't know,
it'll save you.
One, two, three!
- (country-style
guitar playing)
- (woman laughing)
Lover, you should've
Come over
Lover, you should've
Come over, whoo-hoo!
Lover, don't forget
To bring the Coors, whoo!
Jeff: Matt Johnson on drums.
The bass player, Mick Grndahl.
- I'm Mick Grndahl.
- And I'm Jeff Buckley.
And you're watching
120 Minutes on MTV.
He asked me
to join the band too.
Sometimes I think
Jeff wanted me,
because I was a connection
to Rebecca,
and those memories.
Gene: I think that it was clear
that Michael didn't know
how to play the guitar. (laughs)
Yeah, all right,
there were tube socks.
They were tube socks.
Gene: But it was
about personality.
It was about people.
Michael: I would have my amp
really quiet.
Jeff would slowly
turn it back up,
you know, and I'd get all tight.
He always told me not to be
afraid of the mistakes.
Don't use your brain
the way you were using it
30 seconds ago. You know?
In fact, don't use it at all.
Matt, in particular,
was just so good
at following Jeff
wherever Jeff was going.
(screaming, laughs)
That musical chemistry they had
is very hard to come by.
My name is Jeff Buckley,
this is my band,
and this is our tacky abode.
On the outside, it looks like
a huge black phallus of death.
It's a Velcro clock.
Gene: He's like,
"Okay, I want you."
Until I got sober,
drugs and alcohol
had been a big part of my life,
which we connected on,
because of, you know,
his father's situation.
Jeff: So, it just fell out
of your pocket?
(indistinct chatter)
Michael: It's a huge clich
that, you know,
bands are like families.
But they are.
Whoo!
- (laughs)
- Thank you!
(song concludes)
Mary: The infamous
American Legion Hall concert...
was the first one
that Jeff was in town
- since he started the tour.
- (crowd cheering)
Mary: All of the relatives,
the friends of the relatives,
the relatives of the friends
of the relatives,
all wanted to go to the concert.
(baby giggling)
Mary: We filled
the last two rows. (chuckles)
The Tasmanian devil was...
(chuckles)
The... the pack showed up.
And there was no beer left,
there was nothing left.
Everything was, like, wiped out
before the show.
Mary: Let's just say that
as soon
as there was an opportunity
to become part
of the inner circle
of a rockstar,
it was very attractive.
Gene: The promoters came to me,
and said, "We have a situation."
I go outside and I...
(knocking on window)
...realize it's Jeff's mother...
(chuckles)
...sitting in a car with her...
one of her girlfriends,
just... smoking pot.
You know,
"Hi, Gene. What's up, hey?"
"Well, Mary, listen,
you gotta, you know...
you gotta curtail this.
You're gonna get arrested."
And I go back inside
to tell Jeff
that the show's
gonna be canceled
'cause his mother was outside
in the parking lot,
smoking pot. (laughs)
Jeff: Hey! Are you there?
This is your big, sexy son.
I think you should really not,
like, set yourself up like that
when you're, like,
"f*cking light up a doob,
light up a f*cking joint."
"What? We're in the parking lot.
It's like over there..."
"It's California. What?"
(chuckles) "No, no, no, no, no."
- (rock ballad playing)
- (indistinct chatter)
Jeff: We ended up in Iowa City,
and opening up for us
were The Dambuilders
and then the Grifters.
David: My booking agent said,
"Tim Buckley's son, Jeff,
who had taken New York by storm
was going to be on this tour
as the headliner."
Parker: Joan Wasser
was one of the heavyweights
in the music world,
being a tough-a*s cool female
coming up in the '90s
through the music scene.
Control!
("Teenage Loser Anthem"
by The Dambuilders playing)
Wake up...
Parker: Lots of power,
lots of shiny.
You know, lots of shiny.
When I saw him,
it was definitely a vibe.
We were just sort of
checking each other out.
(indistinct chatter)
("Everybody Here Wants You"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
And I'll rise like an ember
In your name no...
Joan: Well, Jeff stood right
in front of me the entire show
- and watched me.
- (crowd cheering)
I know everybody here
Wants you
Joan: He was rocking a, like,
I'm-worshipping-a-goddess vibe.
Everybody here thinks
They need you
- Not subtle. Not subtle.
- (indistinct chatter)
Joan: And then hearing him,
the thing that I thought of was,
"That's Nina Simone."
I lost myself
On a cool damp night
(delicate guitar
plays chord)
I gave myself
In that misty light
I was hypnotized
By a strange delight
Under a lilac tree
Joan: He sang
the whole show to me.
Joan: It was like,
"Man, this... this guy really
knows how to work." (chuckles)
Work me right now.
("Lilac Wine"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Joan: I was feeling like,
"Oh, I got this,"
and then being like,
"Oh, I don't got this."
This person is too powerful.
Lilac wine
Is sweet and heady
Where's my love?
Lilac wine
I feel unsteady
Where's my love?
Listen to me
Why is everything so hazy?
Isn't that she
Or am I just going
Crazy, dear?
Joan: That night
these jocky guys
were, like, making fun of me.
I had this very cartoony type
of hair,
so I was pretty used to that.
But Jeff leapt up and said,
"You wouldn't know a woman
if she slapped you in the face!"
I was like, "Oh, God,
that's so romantic. I love it."
And like, "f*ck that.
I don't need defending."
But I came to learn
that he was someone who was...
a really staunch defender
of women.
I feel unsteady...
Joan: All people are sensitive,
but his sensitivity
wasn't crushed...
like some men's sensitivity
has been.
Listen to me
Joan: It stayed intact.
I cannot see clearly
Isn't that she...
David: You're talking about
two amazingly talented people
who immediately connected.
First thing I thought of,
"Oh, my God,
they're gonna become a band,
and it's just gonna... rule."
Yeah! Yeah!
("Kick Out the Jams"
playing)
I know how you like it child
Of mine, quick and tight
When girls can't stand it
When you're doin' it right...
David: Jeff toured a lot.
It was a slow growth
of that following.
Doin' it right
Michael: We toured almost
consistently for two years.
Interviewer: What's life been
like since "Grace" came out?
Jeff: Work, work,
work, work, work.
I gotta kick 'em out!
His label,
they wanted him to be their...
And he was like,
"Well, I have another idea
of what that means."
Being famous without content,
that really irks me.
He did get discredited
by certain,
like, "cool" musicians
because of the branding.
Joan: He was chosen to be
in People magazine's
"The 50 Most Beautiful People"
or whatever the hell
that was called.
The poor relatives, I think
one of them walked up to him,
"Look, Jeff!
Look what I've got!"
And he took her Sharpie
and just went...
Joan: We went
to every newsstand
and bought every single one.
He spent hundreds of dollars
so that no one would see it
in his neighborhood.
The entire show is dedicated
to People magazine.
Let me kick out
The jams, yeah
It was becoming an increasingly
stressful environment.
Done kick'em out!
Interviewer: You're very much
a public person now.
How does that feel?
Well... I'm public
with the camera,
but, uh, don't like TV.
What does your TV station
wanna know about me?
(delicate music playing)
Michael: Once we got to Europe,
I remember we felt a little...
(chuckles) ...sense of relief.
(news reporter commenting
in French)
News reporter 2: Jeff Buckley
is being hailed
as the next Bob Dylan.
(announcing in German)
He has talent to burn,
and we recommend
that you give this album
a listen.
("Je N'en Connais Pas La Fin"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
People came there from...
Michael: The album
was doing better over there.
(bass drum beating)
Michael: Radiohead came
to a show in London
and was so inspired by Jeff
that they left the concert
and went right to the studio
and recorded
"Fake Plastic Trees."
Fake plas...
Michael: In Paris,
we went to the opera
and walked along the Seine
and went to every caf
that we could.
- (man speaking in French)
- (chuckles)
Don: They fell in love with him.
And who wouldn't fall in love
when you do justice
to an Edith Piaf song?
(Jeff singing)
Oh, mon amour
Interviewer:
What about Edith Piaf?
- What's your attraction to her?
- Jeff: To her sound, her voice.
A toi toujours
Jeff: Her sexiness, the romance.
Her tragedy.
Dans tes grands yeux
Ben: No one could rock
like Jeff.
But once you do "Hallelujah"...
- (siren blaring)
- ...God help you.
(announcing in French)
(crowd applauding)
("Hallelujah"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
This is for Leonard,
wherever you are.
And this is for Nina Simone.
And I
Heard there was
A secret chord
That David played
And it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care
For music, do ya?
But it goes like this
The fourth the fifth
The minor fall
And the major lift
The baffled king
Composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Joan: We were both on the road.
You know, it was,
like, so romantic.
Like, impossibly romantic.
But when we were together,
we created a space
where nothing was too scary
to talk about.
We both needed that so badly.
And she tied you
To her kitchen chair
She broke your throne
And she cut your hair
And from your lips
She drew the Hallelujah
Interviewer:
Jeff:
My high school bullies
are undoubtedly living
- a completely pathetic life.
- (crowd cheering, applauding)
Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned
From love
Was how to sh**t somebody
Who outdrew ya
Joan: We felt like
we found the person
that we felt the most safe with.
Nothing was off-limits.
And it's a broken...
We could just be free, really,
for the first time.
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelu...
Jah
- (music concludes)
- (crowd applauding, cheering)
Thanks a lot.
Interviewer: What is
the connecting thread?
Because you'll do a cover
of Bad Brains or of The Smiths
or of Edith Piaf or...
Um... Probably,
my mindless hero worship.
(chuckles)
(Robert Plant)
Hey, hey, mama said
The way you move
Gonna make you sweat
Gonna make you groove
This is Jimmy Page
and this is...
Uh, I'm Robert Plant and, uh,
we're at the 99th festival
of this tour Europennes.
And it's, uh...
- Woman: Sorry, "Eurockennes."
- I don't care.
We're at
the Eurockennes festival, eh?
Vive le rock!
("Black Dog"
by Led Zeppelin playing)
Michael: I don't think
Jeff had ever seen
Page and Plant live.
Jeff: My main
musical influences,
love, anger, depression, joy
and Zeppelin. (chuckles)
It was like he was going
to Mecca or something.
My life happily without ya
Ben: Backstage at the festival,
I felt something
over my shoulder.
It was like heat.
And I turned around,
Jeff was walking towards me.
He put his hand
on my shoulder, said, "Hey,
I love
your slide-guitar playing.
Could you show me
some slide-guitar stuff?"
And I said,
"Well, Jeff,
you can probably show me
some...
some slide-guitar stuff."
He said, "No, please,
show me," you know?
And he said, "Hey,
Page and Plant are playing."
"When I... When I get off,
if we go straight there,
we'll make it. We'll meet
at the side of the stage."
And we were both really excited,
obviously, to see them.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
Ben: After Jeff's show,
I go around,
where I'm in the pit.
(rock music playing
on stage)
We're looking for Jeff
constantly.
Trying to watch the show.
We're trying to look for Jeff.
We looked up.
He's just out of my periphery.
Oh, sh*t!
There's Jeff, hanging,
all the way up,
off the scaffolding.
Oh
Zeppelin is at full throttle,
and Jeff is with every decibel
coursing through his veins.
- You can call it death-defying.
- (music continues)
(crowd cheering)
Oh-oh!
Matt: The volume of music
as it passes into your body
turns you into an instrument
that your own ears hear.
There's a great deal of comfort,
in the same way
that a baby's greatly comforted
by their mother.
(Jeff singing indistinctly)
He looked at us
and gave us a wave, like,
like... said,
like, "Come on up."
- Like, the water's warm.
- (music concludes)
(crowd cheering, applauding)
Jeff: Music, it was my mother.
It was my father.
("Dam Mast Qalandar" plays)
(singing
in foreign language)
Joan: When he was back
in New York,
we went and saw
Nusrat play at Town Hall.
(song concludes)
Joan: After the show,
we went backstage.
Nusrat, very, like, placid.
And here was this, like,
bouncing-around Jeff.
Nusrat did not speak
any English,
and Jeff was trying
to connect with him,
and then he just started s...
Oh.
(inhales sharply)
(Jeff singing "Yeh Jo Halka
Halka Suroor Hai")
(singing
in foreign language)
Nusrat, like,
looked at him, like...
(chuckles)
"What the f*ck is going on?"
(Jeff continues singing
in foreign language)
Joan: The smile came
on his face,
and it was just instant respect
and love.
(Jeff continues to sing
in foreign language)
Joan: That
is a universal language.
(soft instrumental
music playing)
Jeff: I didn't only
just listen to things.
I totally, absolutely
lionized everybody
having anything to do with it.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
Some of Jeff's heroes
eventually became fans of him.
I was at a show at Roseland
where Paul McCartney
and Linda McCartney came.
And it was just amazing.
There is this one shot where
he's looking at me going like...
(in deep voice)
"Can you believe it?"
Merri: But some of those heroes
also recognized
his father's work as well.
That was difficult for him
'cause, like, Linda McCartney
knew his father better
than he did.
Jeff: In these situations,
I'm hoping that I'm understood.
But with comparisons,
I'm not understood.
I have my own way.
Joan: Jeff would buy all
of Tim's CDs at Tower Records,
listen to them
and then throw them out.
If it keeps on rainin'
Levee's gonna break
Michael: Led Zeppelin
was being inducted in '95
into the Rock & Roll
Hall of Fame.
If it keeps on rainin'...
Michael: I'd never seen Jeff
so starstruck.
And he just started pointing,
"You're the one that's been
in my head all these years."
"It's you."
Don: At one point
during the evening,
Robert Plant said something
to Jeff, like,
"You're the greatest new singer
in the world."
It freaked Jeff out.
He turned white.
Got up, I don't know
what he did, where he went,
but he was missing
for, like, two days.
Mary: (on voicemail)
Hi, it's me. Uh...
Where you've been?
Where are you?
Man: (over voicemail) Hi, Jeff.
I haven't heard from you. Um,
I assume
you're blowing me off.
Mary:
It's like you've disappeared.
Woman 2: Where could you be?
Where... where could you be?
Mary: (on voicemail)
This is your mom.
You can call me.
(quirky,
uneasy music playing)
Mary: (on voicemail)
I need to hear from you now.
Michael: I noticed
Jeff's depression started
started to kick in.
Automated voice:
Your mailbox is full.
Michael: There was so much
on his mind,
but he wasn't talking about it.
And he just felt heavy.
(uneasy music continues)
Michael: We all, like,
experimented
with taking drugs and stuff.
It was sometimes a bit crazy,
but, like,
he... I never got, like,
an addict vibe from him at all.
Yeah, there was dipping
and dabbling and stuff.
Some more than others.
(in foreign accent) I teach you
no more karate! You...
Gene: But I couldn't be
around it.
(indistinct chatter)
Next year, then, will that mean
a new Jeff Buckley album?
I have to work on it this year.
- Mm.
- So, something will be out...
No. You know what?
I can't make any promises now.
(groans) I'll be a corpse
by then.
(chuckles)
Ladies and gentlemen,
Jeff Buckley.
It's a great... Thank you, sir.
(thunder rumbling)
Michael: I feel like,
as his fame grew,
the demands of success
started to irritate him.
The label was kind of
breathing down his back
for the second album.
I think he was weighed down
by the debt that he owed them.
Parker: Millions of dollars
in debt with no hits
on your next record, yeah.
Aimee: Well, you're
never gonna get out of the hole.
No one ever gets out of owing
a record label money
because that's how
it's structured.
Matt: That probably
would've been very scary
to Jeff, and maybe he thought
- that the type of deal
that he had may have been...
- (dark music playing)
...a little bit of a deal
with the devil, sometimes.
Jeff: That's your bed.
Jeff: And you made it
and you have to lie in it.
Matt: Jeff started to spiral
around this fear that he has
of the loss
of his artistic freedom.
Jack: Columbia Records' meetings
would be very...
full... full of pressure,
you know,
when Jeff didn't wanna do
something.
Every parasite needs its host,
and we are them.
- I'm Jeff Buckley.
- And I'm Michael Tighe.
We've been guest-parasite
hosting tonight.
(crowd cheering)
Gene: The label wanted
the next record to come out,
but they were still touring.
"Make another... album."
(scoffs) "Please." Oh, my God.
(indistinct chattering)
Interviewer: You've taken
your time, haven't you?
I mean... You haven't rushed
into recording
the follow-up album.
Jeff: Only because of being
on the road so long.
Interviewer: Do you anticipate
that it's gonna take...
- months and months?
- Jeff: If it takes any longer,
you'll find me swinging
from a noose.
Matt: Get in the van,
eight hours a day, every day,
for, like,
two-and-a-half years, bro.
Like, can I just have
some f*cking space?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Yeah
(rock music playing
on stage)
Then? I was nuts.
I was f*cking nuts.
And the last thing I need
is another nuts m*therf*cker
next to me.
Matt: All right!
And obviously
Jesus on the drums.
Matt: Thank you!
Michael: You could really
feel the disconnect
between Jeff and Matt.
And I think Jeff felt...
like he was being abandoned
by a brother.
Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
(electric guitar playing
on stage)
(Matt laughing)
Michael: So, Matty quit
the band, said he was done.
Jeff: I myself am erratic.
Music is erratic.
If people look upon music
as something
to have control over
or something to be... (inhales)
uniform and... and predictable,
then it's their funeral.
- (indistinct chatter)
- (gentle music playing)
I'm gonna come home. (chuckles)
I'll record, definitely,
I just wanna come home
and experiment
and get all these ideas out.
Interviewer:
Where would you like to see
yourself in ten years?
Ten years from now.
I don't see myself ten years
from now. At all.
(Mick chuckles)
- (chuckles)
- Mick: "I just don't."
Just a blank movie screen.
Just a void.
What can I tell you?
Parker: I heard "Grace"
in the summer of '96
and within two weeks,
I would meet Jeff.
"We need a drummer. We'd love...
You come, try out."
(Jeff singing) You and I
Parker: Jeff had so much...
fear around this record.
He wasn't ready.
Joan: He is questioning
everything.
"Was the first album a fluke?
Am I an imposter?"
("Dream Brother" playing)
Joan: "Grace" was a compilation
of everything that he had done
until he was 27.
He wondered, "Do I have
another record in me?"
"Do I need another 27 years?"
Then you have
the record company guys
coming down to check in on us
and see our progress.
I was like,
"Are you kidding me?"
Michael: We wanted to be able
to supply the inspiration
that would get him
to the next level,
but I think he felt he had
to do that on his own.
Sleeping with his arms
Around the hips of fate
And his tears
Scattered round the world
Angel, go give him
His dreams
And my cold, black visions
So many of the people
he admired had...
somehow self-destructed.
People think that, mm...
my father and the EP
is all there is to talk about.
Rebecca: And then
to have Jeff come from a father
who had died young,
he was really trying
to be healthier.
On his 29th birthday,
Jeff turned to me and said,
"I've now outlived my father."
It was a really strange reality
for him to face.
Eyes to the burning...
Joan: He said... "I have
to tell you something about me.
I'm not gonna last that long.
I just have to tell you
what it feels like,
because I wanna warn you."
And I said,
"I'm not going anywhere."
- (number pad dialing)
- (line ringing)
Joan: And because
of his father dying...
(indistinct chatter)
I thought,
"Of course, you think that."
"That makes
all the sense in the world."
("Dream Brother"
continues playing)
Don't be like the one
Who made me so old
Don't be like the one
Who left behind his name
'Cause they're waiting for you
Like I waited for mine
And nobody ever came
Nobody ever...
Jeff: At the end of three years
of touring, who do you know?
What sort of life do you have?
It's a little corrosive
and a little frustrating.
And, uh, that's why
I have to go away.
I have to find someplace
and really sink into it.
(cawing)
(birds chirping)
("Untitled - The Man I Am"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Joan: Jeff found this house
on Rembert Street.
He didn't have a lawnmower,
so it became overgrown.
I would visit him
for a week a month.
I remember lying with him
in the grass.
No one could see us.
Tammy: Joan had said to me,
"Take care of Jeff."
"Keep his feet on the ground."
And I took that seriously.
There seemed to be...
some normalcy, some grounding.
- Some cooking.
- Uh, some cooking, food.
Tammy: And I feel
that Jeff came here
where there's not as much
external stimulation...
in order to process...
and not just to create.
Take the pain
Until it all rings hollow
(song concludes)
Jeff: Without ordinary life,
there's no art.
("Lilac Wine"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Jeff: Balanced meals. Reading,
sleeping, relationships.
Lilac wine
Love.
I feel I'm ready
Joan: It felt like
he felt safe there.
He would wear my dresses
in the house sometimes,
and loved wearing them.
He just wanted to be anonymous
and be able to talk to anybody
in the bookstore,
not worrying
if they were talking to him
because they knew who he was.
Tammy: Early one morning,
I went to pick him up,
and he was crying.
I said, "We wanna talk about
what's going on."
And he said
it had to do with his mom.
Yeah, well... (clicks tongue)
(dial pad beeping)
Mary: One day, I went to visit
a friend in Los Angeles.
I didn't have Internet
at the time.
And she had a computer
all set up, and she said,
"Oh, you know, here's
a chat room all about Jeff."
So, I sat there and read
some of the comments,
and they were
just a bunch of bullshit.
(dark music playing)
Mary: So, I said,
"Hi, I'm his mom."
"I want you to know
none of that is true."
Well...
(hands thud)
...that did not go over well.
It got back to his manager
that I was,
you know,
"dealing with the fan club"
and saying things
that he didn't want me to say,
et cetera, et cetera.
And he got really pissed at me.
- (voicemail beeps)
- Oh, hey, mama.
You've gotta f*cking
grow up, all right?
You can't be a girl anymore,
ma, you gotta be a woman.
I had to be the man.
I had to be the man
in your house.
Just get the anger and the pain
that was rested upon you.
- You get rid of that sh*t.
- (dark music playing)
Jeff: 'Cause that's in me.
Everything you experienced
at home, it's in me.
(voicemail beeps)
We never had a "falling out."
And it was serious.
And we didn't spend Christmas
together that year.
He went to Northern California
and spent it with his stepdad.
(reflective music playing)
(birds chirping)
Tammy: Jeff got real serious
and turned, took my hands,
looked down, very dejected,
and said very quietly,
"I don't know how to be a man."
Jeff: (on phone)
Tammy: He was looking
at who raised him
and formed his ability
to deal with life
on a day-to-day basis.
He was looking
for answers, really,
from a ghost, from his father.
("Once I Was"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Once I was a soldier
And I fought
On foreign sands for you
Tammy: Jeff could shift gears,
though, very quickly.
His mind worked like a... radio
that was tuned
to all frequencies at once.
("Manic Depression"
by Jimi Hendrix playing)
Manic depression...
(discordant piano overlaps)
Jeff: (echoing) How you doin'?
Hi. Hi. Hello.
I wanted to, uh,
share a little bit
of what's happening with me.
We're in big trouble over here.
(voice distorts)
- (music abruptly stops)
- Joan: He said,
"I realized something."
"I think I'm manic depressive."
I didn't know what that meant.
I thought immediately
of the Jimi Hendrix song.
Yeah
We know so much now about
chemical imbalances and stuff.
And we just... I didn't.
And nobody did then.
("Kanga-Roo"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Joan: He was
in a really heightened state
and was having
really disturbing visions,
like visiting the devil.
He took me into the attic.
There was a dead bird
laying on the floor
and his black skull candle.
Man: He sent a fax
to the office and he's like,
"I got the cover
for the next album."
We comment,
"And this is too X-rated."
"We can't send this to Sony."
Tammy: He said that he dreamed
he had a brain tumor
and he thought
that he was going to die.
Joan: It was
what I understand now
to be a psychotic break.
Parker: The same thing
was going on with Hendrix
and Joplin and Morrison.
Chemical imbalance mixed
with some sort of trauma
that's only sustainable
for so much time
until either it gets fixed
or it fixes you.
Man: I'll never forget,
he always said,
"I'm not gonna end up
like my father,
with a tag on my toe."
(birds chirping)
Tammy: Jeff had gone
to the zoo numerous times
and loved the butterfly house.
(ethereal music playing)
Tammy: But he felt like
the guy working
in the butterfly house
was mistreating the chrysalis.
He felt
he could be more gentle.
- (voicemail beeps)
- Jeff: Hi, Rebecca. It's Jeff.
Sweet dreams and, uh,
play lots of music.
Sing beautiful songs.
Rebecca: The last conversation
we had,
he woke me up with a phone call.
Jeff: (on voicemail)
Rebecca: He was wanting
to clarify the past.
And in that orchard
There was a hold
Rebecca: He was apologizing.
I remember saying,
"It takes two, you know,
to... to mess things up
the way we did, and this is...
It's all good."
He said he was doing work
on his childhood
and, uh, that they were looking
for someone to help him,
presumably a counselor.
Jeff: I'm gonna work
my a*s off, baby.
And, uh, I'll see you
on the other side.
Parker: For, like, two weeks,
he, like, just called everybody
he knew, just to,
like, have... contact.
Aimee: I remembered him
calling me and saying,
"I realized that you were right
about stuff and..."
I, you know, I wasn't even sure
what he meant by that
and I didn't know
how to follow it up and...
It's sad.
Tammy: Jeff was very quiet
and didn't say anything.
I told him I loved him.
And in that orchard
There was a hold
I said to him, "I have photos
of you from your childhood."
"Would you like me
to send them to you?"
And, like, in a really
soft voice, he said,
"I'd like that."
Dave: I said, "You just got
to let go and not care...
if mistakes are made."
(birds chirping)
("New Year's Prayer"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Joan: Barristers became
his second Sin-e of a kind
where he could go
and work out music...
Fall in light
...without having
the entirety of, say,
New York City find out about it.
Feel no shame
For what you are
Jeff: I have been everything
on stage. I've been wrong.
I've been completely ugly.
I've been stupid.
I've been angry.
I've been totally in love.
I've been beautiful.
I've been hideous.
I've... I've lost my pants.
Uh, but I've... I've
never been bored.
I've never been dead on stage.
I've never been dead.
Feel no shame
For what you are
Michael: He left that
on my answering machine.
"Michael,
it's starting to click,
it's starting to feel like
the way the 'Grace' songs felt."
Fall in love
Joan: He hadn't played
anyone any of it.
His band was joining him
really soon
to start recording the record.
Just sometimes a...
a song gets into you and...
and just gets into you.
You know, it just happens to you
in a moment.
("Everybody Here Wants You"
Jeff Buckley by playing)
Parker: Me, Michael, and Mick
each got a four-track tape.
Twenty-nine pearls
In your kiss
A singing smile
Coffee smell and lilac skin
Your flame in me
I could feel that those songs
had come from a very pure place.
A little bit young
And hassled
Joan: He was doing it all
on headphones. I said,
"Jeff, you could get speakers,
and it would fill the room."
- ("Vancouver" playing)
- Lady, all the troubles
are my fright
I disgust you
Feel the power
You cut the truth into you...
Joan: He got
where he needed to go.
I could kiss you
With lines of escape
In my mouth
Gene: He's like,
"I wanna open up
a bank account,
buy this house,
and I wanna buy a car."
Joan: He was really happy
and having so...
much fun.
(song concludes)
(acapella) They say
Everything can be replaced
But every distance
Is not near
Gene: Jeff was supposedly on
the way to the rehearsal space.
Michael: He was
with the guitar tech, Foti.
Gene: They ended up going down
to Wolf River.
It was typical Jeff.
He thought,
"Oh, it's so beautiful."
"I'm gonna go in fully clothed."
Mary: No one swims down there.
It was muddy.
I don't know about currents.
There were boats.
From the west
Down to the east
Michael: He was listening
to "Whole Lotta Love"
by Led Zeppelin.
Any day now
Jeff: Love, anger,
depression, joy...
Any day now
...and Zeppelin.
- I shall be released
- (echoing chuckle)
(suspenseful music playing)
Any day now
Any day now
I shall be released
Parker: He probably went
in the water
as soon as we hit the tarmac.
We got to the house,
and it was kind of in disarray.
- (birds chirping)
- Parker: I kept thinking
I was gonna hear the screen door
squeak open in the back
and slam, you know,
and then he'd come
to the kitchen and we'd be like,
"Yo!" And he'd be like,
"What's up?"
- (telephone ringing)
- (birds chirping)
Gene picks up the phone and...
just said, "Let's go."
Parker: I thought
he just swam across.
Michael: It was very quiet
and peaceful down there.
Parker: And the sun's setting.
You know, it's gonna be dusk.
(thunder rumbling)
Parker: Now, there's,
like, helicopters.
(helicopter whirring)
(line ringing)
Mary: I picked up the phone
and said "Hello?"
and someone said,
"This is Memphis
Police Department."
And I said, "I'm coming."
The car pulled up in front...
and it was
Sergeant Mary Grace Johnson
of the Homicide Department.
And she said, "You know...
we have to have the sunshine...
'cause that'll bring
the body up.
If we wanna find him,
you have to stop the rain."
(acoustic guitar playing)
Michael: I was sitting
in his attic two or three days
after he went into the river.
And I just remember
breathing in,
and my breath, like,
just kept going in.
Like, I just, I had the, like,
the biggest inhalation
that I've ever had.
And I just felt like
my lungs puffing up
with air and, like,
my spine straightening,
you know?
And, um...
something switched in me,
and I kind of felt like
he was... gone.
(birds chirping)
("Hallelujah"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Singer-songwriter
Jeff Buckley's body
finally surfaced
late Wednesday afternoon
at the foot of Memphis's famed
musical corridor, Beale Street.
As a friend watched helplessly
from shore,
Buckley disappeared under
the wake of a passing boat.
TV reporter: The irony
wasn't lost on anyone
that a man who lived
for his music
would be found dead
at the foot of Beale Street,
where he'd performed before.
Matt: I was
in Texas visiting family.
I was staring at Brays Bayou,
watching the water.
That was the same time
when Jeff died.
It was more than I could bear.
Well, I heard
There was a secret chord
That David played
And it pleased the Lord...
Gene: It was an undertow.
The Army Corps of Engineers
had actually
specifically dug
that viaduct area out
to keep it clear of debris,
so it dropped off.
And, obviously, being
fully clothed and weighted
and out there
for about 20 minutes,
plus an undertow,
his drowning made sense.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Gene: The autopsy report said
he had a beer in his system.
That's it.
I asked Rolling Stone
to please publish
the report to show that drugs
had nothing to do with it.
What's a shame
is that the story
was very sensationalistic.
It was very much like,
"Well, we don't know."
And, unfortunately,
I can't tell you how many people
I've ran into
in the last 20-something years
who are like,
"Oh, yeah, he died of drugs,"
or, "Oh, he followed
in his father's footsteps."
And from your lips
She drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Michael: Jeff was one
of the greatest singers
of all time.
Well, baby
I've been here before
I've seen this room
And I've walked this floor
Michael: I didn't
fully comprehend
how dope he was
when he was alive.
It was my first band,
and he was my boy,
and everything
just felt natural.
It was... a perfect example of,
you know,
youth is wasted on the young.
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelu...
He had said,
"You should come out
to Memphis."
"It's beautiful here."
And I said,
"When your record's done,
I'd really love that."
Well there was a time
When you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that
To me, do ya?
We were so young.
(scoffs) Like...
we'd... you know,
all of those things
that felt so urgent and scary,
those fall away.
(sniffles) And...
you know, I would have loved
to see him...
have those things fall away.
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
- (voicemail beeps)
- Jeff: Hey, Maruka. Hey, mama.
This is your son.
There are somethings
I have to tell you.
It's very special to me...
that you are a person
that a child came from.
And you are a person
that fought for their child.
You know,
you fought for the child.
You got some f*ck' cojones...
- (laughs)
- ...baby.
Ma... you know...
- anybody can be famous, Mary.
- (song concludes)
Anybody can be
f*cking famous, baby.
But it takes a real spirit,
you hear me?
It takes a real spirit...
to raise a kid.
You know, you brought me
into the world.
(laughs)
Jeff: A lot of my phrasing
is from you, you know?
A lot of my phrasing
when I sing is from you.
I'm glad you're my mother.
I'm glad you gave me the things
you gave me.
- Yeah.
- Mary: Yeah!
Jeff: You know how much
I love you, ma.
I love you too.
Jeff: I love you.
I love you so much.
- I love you.
- (inhales deeply)
("Lover, You Should've
Come Over" playing)
Jeff: Thank you.
Well, maybe
I'm just too young, oh
To keep good love
From going wrong
Oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, lover
You should've come over
Well, I feel too young
To hold on
And I'm much too old
To break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind
To see the damage I've done
Sweet lover
You, you should've come over
How long
Will I wait for you
Lover, lover, lover
Lover, love, love, love
Lover, lover
Lover
You should've come over
'Cause it's not too late
(song concluding)
(crowd applauding, cheering)
Jeff: Thanks a lot, everybody.
Goodnight.
Jeff: You were beautiful.
Thanks a lot. And I love you.
("Vancouver"
by Jeff Buckley playing)
Lady, all the troubles
Are my fright, I disgust you
Feel the power
You cut the truth into you
Why do you think I did not
On this rely
I could kiss you
With lines of escape
In my mouth
Ah-ha-ha
Please, let me bring back
These gifts of mine
To the woman
Stars shined on my back
As I slept and knew you
You didn't leave it all
You made an even call
My belly released the stars
And tears between the scars
Ooh
Below this we'll end here
Until the end of time
Beyond the moment
That ends our bondage
I am your failed
Husband contender
I'm your loan shark of bliss
This dream you've ridden on
Turns your world
To explosions
I need to be alone
To heal this bleeding stone
Now, smell
The rain of London
It still insists
That we beg for our
Purity
As if we are pure
In the reign
Of our contentment
As if I can think of
This
No more
(song concludes)
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It's Never Over, Jeff Buckley (2025)
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