Third Wheel (2025)

[bunniefuu]

You know that girl?

- Which girl?

- Her.

She came to your house

before work.

Why?

I don't know man,

she was just stopping by.

Did you know

she had a boyfriend?

And you thought that was okay?

She didn't seem

to have a problem with it.

f*ck you!

Did you have sex

with my girlfriend?

Look man,

I've been in your shoes before.

Is she gone?

What the f*ck, Ray?

-I hate you.

-Surprise.

Baby, what do you want

for our anniversary?

My own bathroom.

Anything else?

Save that for later,

I'll be back.

-What's up, Bird?

-Hey, sorry I'm late.

Let me just

step into my office.

No, no, no,

you come in here late,

you spend

45 f*cking minutes in there,

smells like sh*t.

Can't you read?

Since when?

Since the f*cking moose out

front should have told you.

"Moose out front

should have told you."

The f*ck's up his a*s?

He's just pissed

your dad's got to babysit again.

I told dad a million times,

I got this.

How is mother and the old man?

You know, they ain't bitching,

ain't breathing.

Yeah, well,

maybe it's time to move out.

You're kidding me,

I'm actually losing money here.

Hey, can I borrow

a couple bucks?

Can't you see

I'm in the middle of something?

Yeah, I got to pay

a*s face over here.

I don't give a f*ck.

-Blue dog, help me out.

-What's wrong with your wallet?

It's broken.

- Makes sense to me.

- Shut the f*ck up.

Maybe if you quit gambling

on youth intramurals

and drinking

your tip money away,

you'd save more.

Yeah, but what's the point

of working at a gas station

if you don't fill up

for free?

You know what?

Suit yourself.

So, what's Cecilia up to anyway?

Her and Coco are having

a girls' day.

-Does anybody work these days?

-Yeah, what's your excuse?

The f*ck you think

I'm doing?

m*therf*cker.

Good work.

-Coco's hot.

-She's got a boyfriend.

-Who, the Spaniard?

-Yeah.

Has anyone actually met--

Has Coco met this f*cking guy?

Yes, they met

while she was studying abroad.

Cecilia's met him a few times,

cool guy, I guess.

He is moving in, eventually.

And they've been doing

long-distance,

I mean, what's the point

of f*cking long-distance,

you're just

sexually depriving yourself.

The f*ck

we talking about again?

Cecilia and her girlfriend

bumping uglies.

Wait, wait, lesbians,

who's a l*sbian?

No, don't you have

somewhere to be?

sh*t, I wouldn't be surprised.

I mean all these girls

are f*cking freaks.

Since every girl

I've been with

has literally beaten

the sh*t out of me.

Ah!

Back to work.

"Axe wax."

Is this for your ba*ls

or your as*h*le?

It's for all three.

All three?

I can do...

Thank you. Pull hard.

I don't know

how you drink that sh*t,

but I gotta say,

I love lesbians.

They have so much energy.

It's a good stance, Mark.

Get the f*ck out of here.

-Hey.

-Hey.

-What's in the bag?

-Where is everybody?

Uh, Coco left.

I don't know

where Cecilia's at.

She's working.

Using my computer?

Oh, yeah, for a few minutes,

give or take.

It's dead.

You just come over here

to whack off?

You know

my girlfriend lives here, right?

-Yeah, I waited until she left.

-I appreciate that.

I mean, come on, man.

You know what it's like

at home.

Mom has a sixth sense

for knowing

when I'm whacking off.

Oh, grab me a beer

on the way back.

Okay.

Okay--

Hey, f*ck,

how about that beer?

Can you look at these,

I don't know

what I'm looking at.

What am I looking at?

-They're texts from Cecilia.

-What, to you?

No.

Who the hell's Trevor?

I don't know, I thought

maybe a g*y best friend.

She's been going to his house

a lot, before work and sh*t.

It's someone she works with.

Trevor, you know him?

Bird, if I knew him,

this wouldn't be

f*cking happening.

She's cheating on me.

What are you going to do?

Look man,

I've been in your shoes before.

Then why the f*ck

would you do it to me?

Is she gone?

You don't do this

to somebody you love, okay?

to someone

you're afraid of losing.

What did I do wrong?

Six years...

I came back from L.A.,

we moved in together...

I can't believe her.

I can't f*cking believe her.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Maybe instead of talking to you,

and being honest with you about

whatever she was feeling...

I guess she just...

risked it.

She loves that guy?

No, there is a big difference

between love and lust.

He is just a shiny new toy.

I just...

I didn't see any of this coming.

Okay, I mean,

I certainly never pictured,

except in nightmares,

that Cecilia would actually do

something like this.

But in the spirit of sharing,

there actually,

or more admittedly,

may have been hints.

You see,

I'm a year older than Cecilia.

So, when I finished film school

and packed for Los Angeles,

she still had her final year

to finish up.

But this didn't worry us.

Why would it?

We were in love.

So the typewriter

gets here on Thursday.

What are you going

to use that for?

To write

your love letters, baby.

You can barely text me back.

You think

you can handle that thing?

So, I was talking

to my intern supervisor,

and he had me submit a sample

of my writing, and he liked it.

And he's thinking

about having me stick around

and be like a writer's assistant

or some sh*t.

What's that?

Probably some more

glorified assistant bullshit,

but, hey,

if it gets me in the door,

I can handle being

somebody's errand boy

for a couple of months,

which is why,

which is why, babe,

my dad's giving me the ragtop,

can you believe that?

It's going to be me and you,

riding down the PCH drive,

with fun riding

with all the locals.

Gonna be great.

What's wrong?

I just thought you'd be home.

So I decided

it was time for a break.

I never understood the stigma

behind taking a break.

Everybody needs a break

once in a while.

It's only been a few weeks,

I think this break

is good for us.

We agree, I'm just saying, kid,

you're going to have problems

when you see your girlfriend

jacking another dude.

Shut the f*ck up.

Oh my God, just come

get the car out of the garage.

If I may speak from experience,

we don't tend to realize

what we had until it's gone.

So, I called an end

to my sabbatical.

Why right then?

Because I missed her.

And I guess I wanted to know

she was missing me too.

Then you see

something like this.

Your soulmate

engrossed in the presence

of somebody else's company.

And for some reason,

although completely unclear

at the time,

the thought of her

being on a break too

just never seemed real.

I need to pee.

Okay.

Want to come?

The day before I was

supposed to road

trip back west,

my boss in L.A. called to say

they didn't have

anything for me,

and to check back later.

That was the lie

I told my family.

I just didn't want to go.

Because after everything,

all that seemed to matter

to me now was...

yup.

My craving for her attention

had developed

into a vexing addiction.

I prayed for sleep,

which was impossible,

given my developing insomnia.

You see, when you're asleep,

you're unconscious, at ease.

Sort of.

So, I prayed

for unconsciousness.

And drinking my weight

in whiskey seemed to help.

Because my stupor

was my only break

from pondering the fact

that it was my idea

to take a break

in the first place.

Then, just like that...

I wouldn't say I had her...

but she certainly had me.

Yeah, so Coco called and said

she's finally coming back

to the city

and I was thinking

maybe she could move in with us.

I mean, we--

I was supposed to be here.

And I did

what I was supposed to do.

I fought.

Save that for later,

I'll be back.

That's what

we're supposed to do, right?

Expected to do?

So I did just that.

I fought, and I won.

I didn't ask.

Why would I, how could I?

I looked the other way,

Coco moved in,

and we were

one big happy family.

He's just a shiny new toy.

So, if you ask me,

did I see any of this coming?

Nope.

You know the old saying,

everything comes from trees.

-What do I do?

-What do you mean?

-He's dancing with my girl.

-So what?

I'll show her.

Ah, come on,

pick up those boxes.

Let's get dressed, come on.

Sorry, man.

Ray, we all been there.

Been there

three f*cking times myself.

Call Dad.

Oh, sh*t,

can I sneak a Jackson?

Hey, are we open

or having a pity party?

Thanks for the invite, guys.

You know, the key to

a broken heart is simple, man.

Get back to f*cking work.

I'll take

a French silk, please.

- Two?

- You want a slice?

I'm good.

Eat some pie.

I don't want to.

I'm not sharing,

so you better just get--

I said no.

I'm good, thank you.

You know what, do me a favor,

just bring two, please.

Why do you always feel

the need to order for me?

-I said no.

-No pie for you.

You screwed me, Dad,

you know that?

You said everything was going

to be fine and nothing is fine.

I said go back to L.A.,

make movies.

But instead,

you got to hang around here

for no good reason whatsoever

and ruin another f*cking lunch.

Don't say I said

sh*t I didn't say.

I don't like it, it bugs me.

You bug me.

Between you and your brother,

ever since you got back

to the bar,

you two pricks' favorite pastime

is t*rture me.

You think

Jamie wants to be there?

He's been working at the bar

for 30 years,

now he's a f*cking babysitter.

That's-- that's why

I'm supposed to be here.

I gave you the car

for the coast.

If I knew you were going

to quit, I would have kept it.

Fool me once, shame on you,

fool me twice--

She didn't cheat on me

the first time,

-we were on a break.

-Stop, don't say stupid sh*t.

I told you, I don't like it.

-You just don't like her.

-It's not about her, dum-dum.

There's a big difference

between fighting and chasing.

All you've been doing

is f*cking chasing.

Because that's what this is,

an addiction.

And I know,

because I'm an addict.

- Coffee?

- Decaf, please.

f*ck, that's hot.

It's coffee.

Try it, it's too hot.

Why would I try it after

you just said it was too hot?

Because what you do

when serving coffee that hot,

it's f*cking dangerous.

You don't tell them

that the coffee's too hot,

you only tell them

when it's too cold.

Oh, you're

a f*cking barista now.

I gotta go,

thanks for the help.

I don't know

what to tell you, kid.

You're just lucky

this happened when it did,

and not after you knocked her up

and put a diamond f*cking ring

on her finger.

Careful.

You think

we should've worked it out?

Ugh, you're so confused.

I know I'm confused,

what am I confused about?

It's not about Cecilia.

I don't want anything

without her,

do you understand that?

Movies, writing, L.A.,

having kids,

I don't want any of that sh*t

if I can't share it with her.

Yeah, you've always been

a true hopeless romantic, kid.

I don't know what to do.

And I'm not doing anything,

and according to you...

there's nothing

I can do about it.

I'm 26 years old,

and I already feel like

I've been married

and divorced.

Just be happy

it happened to you at 26

instead of 56

like the rest of us jagoffs.

You and Mom are too proud

to get divorced.

That's not true,

we just can't afford it.

If being with Cecilia

is what you think you want,

what you think you need,

then I guess I'm the one

to tell you, kid.

You can't, it's over.

What about later?

What can I tell you, kid?

I just want you to tell me

what to do.

What do you need me to tell you?

I just, I--

I-- I need you to tell me

what to do.

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

You're welcome, enjoy.

Mhmm.

Just kiss her on the cheek

and wave goodbye.

And then burn all her sh*t.

Ah, no pie for you.

Baby, what do you want

for our anniversary?

My own bathroom.

Anything else?

You see him every f*cking day.

You think he changes

from home to the office?

If anything, he wants to k*ll

himself more when he gets here.

k*ll himself?

He's upset,

and work makes you upset.

No one wants to f*cking

work when you're upset.

This isn't about you, Bird,

and how much you hate your job.

I don't hate my job,

I'm extremely overqualified.

-Bird, Bird!

-Hold on.

Who the f*ck do I gotta blow

to get another beer around here?

Don't you work? Ask f*cking Ray.

He's useless,

he's a f*cking mutant.

Get the f*ck out of here,

and brush your teeth.

I hate it here.

- What about later?

- We're slow, why, you thirsty?

No, I meant lunch.

I just ate, I'm fine, thanks.

No, I meant Ray, dipshit.

I got him

f*cking Italian beef.

Probably had two f*cking bites,

kid doesn't eat.

Well then make him eat, f*ck,

do I gotta do everything?

You sound like

my f*cking mother.

Wait, what about the lasagna?

Oh, that was actually

phenomenal, you made that?

Oh my God,

you cannot be that stupid.

Why are you busting

my f*cking ba*ls?

I'm not,

but I would if you had any.

-f*ck you!

-f*ck you!

Will you turn that sh*t off?

f*cking bumming everybody out,

you f*ck.

Oh, thank God you're home.

I took the train this morning

and I totally forgot my keys.

You look-- you look great.

Yeah?

I mean, it's been a while,

but what do you think?

Yeah, phenomenal,

it's good, it's good stuff.

My friend is having

a little shindig tonight,

and I thought Alex

would be back by now,

and be my plus one,

but you know,

-he's a slow swimmer.

-Mhmm.

So, how about it?

Uh, yeah, I shouldn't,

I have stuff I gotta do--

What stuff do you gotta do?

I get-- you know, stuff,

I gotta clean my room.

-I vacuumed today.

-Laundry.

I moved your stuff to the dryer.

My-- my bathroom is--

I bleached the shitter

this morning.

What friend?

Not that friend.

-Come on, just the two of us.

-Eh.

I could really use a drink,

and I think

the whole universe knows

-that you could use one too.

-Huh.

You know, for someone

who claims to run this place,

you do a whole lot of sitting

on your a*s.

Yeah, and yet this sh*t

gets done, doesn't it?

It's not as easy as it looks,

you know.

Watching you, waste of talent,

it hurts.

f*ck off, loser.

That was a f*cking compliment.

You look at us, me watching

you sweat your ba*ls off,

and you're the one that clearly

doesn't want to be here.

Neither do you, apparently.

I'm here, aren't I?

I mean,

I'm meant for this f*cking sh*t.

I was conceived

in the men's room,

for Christ's sake.

If it weren't for me,

nothing would get done

around here.

Don't f*cking toot

your own horn, all right?

It did before,

and it will after.

I mean,

you went to school and sh*t,

you can do anything you want.

Yeah, I know,

and I still make less than you.

Yeah, so why are you here?

Nothing's changed except

you took Dad's place

behind the bar,

and he's f*cking sober

living at home.

I told you both, I got this.

I don't know why you'd come back

to this f*cking sh*thole.

Yeah, well,

clearly somebody up there

is doing for you what you sadly

can't do for yourself.

You came back from Cali

for one reason,

and that sl*t has failed--

Hey, what the f*ck

is the matter with you?

You drunk?

You got the car

and the ticket out of the slums,

and I got the bar

and all Dad's bad habits,

and now I gotta watch you

piss it all away for a girl.

I'm upset.

The f*ck are you looking--

What, I can't have a drink

with lunch?

Bird, it's 10:30 in the morning.

Yeah, and it's too f*cking early

for an intervention.

There he is.

f*ck you,

stupid little dimples.

-See, I missed that guy.

-Dude, you're stupid.

I'm just saying,

you're not tied down anymore.

I used to be in there bragging

about you out in Hollywood,

now we both look like assholes.

-Sorry to disappoint.

-You're not disappointed?

I mean, look at you, you're 25

going on 50

in a place like this.

I don't need any part of that.

Your high school sweetheart

f*ck up your dreams

so you pose on mine?

Just keep f*cking writing.

I try.

Maybe I'm just waiting

for the ending.

Jesus Christ, kid,

just keep it simple, stupid.

You just gotta start,

and the rest

will figure itself out,

like a punchline.

When it lands, trust me,

you'll know.

Yeah.

It's a little bit more

complicated than that, Birdie.

Is it though?

I mean, Hollywood

is so non-creative,

they steal bad ideas

and make them worse.

If those assholes can do it,

so can you.

That's lunch.

Pick that sh*t up, p*ssy.

What a f*cking as*h*le.

Oh my God.

Coco, what the f*ck

are you doing?

What the hell, Ray, get out!

What are you doing,

you have a boyfriend!

-It's Alex!

-What?

It's Alex, f*ck!

- Raymond!

- Who the f*ck are you?

- Oh my God!

- God!

How are you, buddy?

-You're-- you're Alex?

-Yeah.

-But you're here.

-Yeah, in the flesh.

-What the hell, Ray?

-I'm sorry, I thought--

I don't even f*cking know

what I thought.

I-- Wow, wow!

Um--

I thought you weren't coming.

I'm not.

Surprise?

I-- Coco-- she's told me

so much about you--

["Why Do Fools Fall In Love"

by Frankie Lymon

& The Teenagers playing]

Ray, the f*ck you doing?

I gotta do something

with my hand.

You happy?

Oh yeah, the shrimp are amazing.

-k*ller sauce too, huh?

-The best.

Yeah.

How about you?

Oh, I love this place,

it's the best in Chicago.

I mean, how are you doing?

I'm good.

You know, good.

Come on, Ray.

You and me?

Why don't you tell me

what you gotta tell?

Tell me what's going on.

Just some bullshit that

you think that I wanna hear?

Come on.

Be careful what you wish for.

'Cause no one wants

to hear this sh*t.

Try me.

I don't like talking about it.

I don't like thinking about it.

And the problem is,

I have a hard time

finding things

worth talking about.

Worth thinking about.

Not gonna lie to you...

love is hard.

I guess

that's why it's called falling.

It f*cking hurts.

You wanna finish that?

Oh no, it's all yours.

Oh man, I love this shrimp.

This, this is Chicago.

I'm gonna take you around,

I'm gonna show you

how it's done.

You're in my city,

that's how we show you.

My dad's been coming here

for 40 years.

I've been coming here

my whole life.

-It's incredible.

-Yeah.

I'm sorry, you were saying?

Love, falling into it?

Yeah, I-- I don't think

it's the falling in love.

It's-- it's the falling out

that's f*cking with me.

And then they're just...

gone, forever.

Somebody died.

Yeah, yeah, like--

like somebody died.

Only she's not dead, she's--

she's here.

She's just a few stops away

on the L.

What-- What's the L?

Train. Sorry.

No, it's good,

I gotta learn.

But she's still here.

And I still can't be with her.

Actually, maybe it'd be better

if she was dead.

I-- wait, I don't mean

like I actually--

Yeah, I-- I got you.

Go on.

I guess just seeing you and Coco

together made me miss it.

But f*ck her, right, right?

I resent her

for making me fall in love,

because now that I felt it,

I don't know

if I'll ever feel that again.

And that hurts.

And that makes me sad.

Even if there is

somebody else out there,

how could I do--

how could I take that?

I'm scared to feel that.

What's the point

if it can just end?

It's a waste of time.

Maybe what you miss the most

is the person

you thought she was.

I don't know.

It's never gonna be the same,

you know?

f*ck it, let's say

you don't feel for anyone

the way you used to feel

for Cecilia.

What's wrong with that?

-A lot.

-No.

No.

Because there's never anything

like the first time.

Listen.

Why don't you, instead

of chasing that same feeling,

with or without that one person,

why don't you try

making something new?

I don't know.

This feeling you miss.

It's right here.

It's right here, baby.

I'm sorry, but I disagree

that Cecilia took that from you.

Because you felt that, yeah?

You felt that.

And no one can ever

take that away from you.

So why don't you try opening up?

Try it.

Maybe you'll learn something.

Papi, you're so money,

and you don't even know it.

I'm telling you.

You can have

anyone you want, Ray.

Except the one I want.

What are you gonna lose?

-Nothing now.

-Exactly.

So what's there

to be afraid of?

Pass me the sauce.

["Why Do Fools Fall In Love"

by Frankie Lymon

& The Teenagers playing]

Ladies and gentlemen.

I'm gonna-- Sit down.

I'm gonna test your mental co--

Sit down.

I'm gonna test

your mental coordination

with a little-- Sit down!

With a little number

called "Swingin' the Alphabet."

Swing it, brother,

swing it, swing it.

-Right.

-Right up.

I'll explain it

so even you can understand.

My colleagues will assist.

Ready, sister?

Get that junk out of here,

come on, boys.

-Hey, how we doing?

-What's up, Bird?

Bird, what's up?

Hey, Skip.

Dad called,

he says you don't call him back.

I'll call him back.

You don't call

anybody back.

Guy gives you the roadster,

you don't call him back?

f*cking as*h*le.

Hey, anyone cool die today?

Win yet?

The f*ck's going on,

anybody wanna play with me?

Ray.

You're not gonna, like,

you know--

Saw my f*cking head off?

No.

I was just checking.

Jesus Christ, how much longer

do we gotta deal

with this sh*t?

Just give it some time.

No, he needs to get

f*cking laid.

You bet.

You're such a better

lover than my husband.

Oh, God, oh!

Do it to me, oh, do it to me!

Harder, harder.

Ray, you ready?

I'm coming, I'm coming,

I'm just finishing up

some f*cking work--

some work.

Well, don't work so hard,

you'll hurt yourself.

-Let's go, we're gonna be late.

-Okay.

["Please, Please, Please

Let Me Get What I Want"

by The Dream Academy playing]

Where's Bird?

He's in his office.

He's been there

for a f*cking hour.

He might be paralyzed by now.

He wonders

why we don't have any customers.

Huh, any kids die today

because of you?

You should know,

you and them f*cking obituaries.

Hey, Ray,

I got a great idea for a movie.

So write it.

I don't have time

for that sh*t.

Hey. Twelve o'clock.

-What, go for it.

-Go for what?

-You know, f*cking practice.

-I'm not f*cking practi--

Welcome.

- How you doing?

- Hi.

Hi.

Oh.

-Hello.

-Hi.

Um, can I get you a table

or a drink... at the table?

Actually, I was wondering--

-Would it be okay...

-Yeah, no, of course.

At the bar, you can--

Open seating.

So you can go up

and seat yourself if you want.

I prefer the far side,

would be best.

Um.

Actually, I'm so sorry,

but would it be okay if--

Hey, friends.

What's up, buddy?

-Mind if I use your john?

-Just super quick.

-Real quick.

-Yeah.

-Go for it. Should have--

-Thanks.

I'm so sorry about that,

he'll just be in and out.

-Thank you so much.

-Don't mention it.

Who's this f*cking jagoff?

-The f*ck was that?

-What do you think it was?

Who the f*ck died in here?

You got him good.

Passing it on.

Now, I get

what you guys are saying.

I just-- And I'm all--

I'm all for g*y marriage.

I just-- I just can't get behind

guys f*cking each other.

What, are you

a f*cking h*m* now?

No, no, I don't give a f*ck

if they're allowed to f*ck

in public.

I just prefer not to see it.

Yeah, but if they're f*cking

in public, you're gonna see it.

Yeah, but I don't get out

too much, Bird.

Nice.

-Can I have a couple of those?

-Yeah, right.

That'll beat us all.

What, are you smoking now?

I don't know.

Listen,

my brother, Donnie, smoked

two packs of cigarettes a day

for 50 f*cking years.

And then-- Boom!

Milk truck.

You're f*cked up, "milk truck,"

what the f*ck

are you talking about?

It means

death doesn't discriminate.

If he wants to smoke,

let 'em smoke.

-Smoke up, Johnny.

-I will.

No wonder

you're not f*cking married.

Who says I'm not married,

I got a wife.

Yeah, where's she at?

You're here every f*cking day.

-She's in the car.

-She's in the f*cking car?

We've been here for seven hours.

She's been in the car

for seven f*cking hours?

I couldn't get

a close enough spot,

-I had to park in the tow zone.

-Get the f*ck out of here.

-f*ck you.

-f*ck you, jagoff.

It's to you anyway,

let's go, kid.

-Hold him or fold him.

-Come on, kiddo.

I gotta get the f*ck

out of here.

-What?

-I'm out.

-What, what are you doing?

-I know.

-Ah, come on, Ray-Ray.

-Get the f*ck out of here.

-Where are you going?

-I'm tired.

-Where are you going?

-I'm tired.

f*ck, we'll see.

Go sleep in the car

with his wife

for a while, dude,

come right back.

You don't know

what you're missing.

Yeah.

See you, Ray.

Take care.

What the f*ck's he

all gloom and doom about?

Ah, his old lady

just got rid of him.

What the f*ck's

he got to be depressed about?

Look at him.

Look, if I was a broad,

I'd be all over him.

I'd be bouncing on him

like a f*cking pogo stick.

He'd have to beg me

to stop.

Vin, are you g*y?

No, no, I don't think so,

but just in case,

don't tell my wife.

Over your ba*ls,

get the f*ck out of here.

Come on,

let's finish this f*cking game.

Ray, Ray, are you home?

What's up?

Go freshen up, buddy,

we're celebrating.

What's the occasion?

What the f*ck is that?

Friends of yours?

-Parents.

-Oh.

What does that make you?

The plus one.

Well, I'm Lindsay.

I'm so--

Yeah, I'm-- I'm sorry. I'm Ray.

Lindsay, nice to meet you.

I know. You don't remember me?

Your boyfriend came in

to use the bathroom, right?

Cousin.

He's a little as*h*le.

So, is this, uh,

a new regular for you?

You watching your best friends

live happily ever after?

Was this supposed to be

your fairy tale or something?

-How would you--

-Yeah, same.

I know you.

Why does everyone

keep saying that?

Not to sound like

a creep or anything,

but I've been watching you.

And you are quite oblivious.

I am?

- Yeah.

- To what?

To what's going on around you.

Am I ugly?

-What?

-I came in again,

and you served me and I wrote

my number on a napkin.

Oh, you did? Then I--

Well, then I must have missed--

You threw it out.

I'm sorry-- No, I'm sorry.

If I did, it was an accident.

It's okay.

You definitely

seemed preoccupied.

I've been there.

Like, the lights are on,

but nobody's home.

Yeah, thanks for telling me.

I'll-- I'll be more...

present next time.

Okay.

I love this movie.

Who doesn't want a little

Patrick Swayze in them,

you know?

Hey.

Do you want to get out of here?

What? Come on.

Nobody puts baby in a corner.

-What the hell was that, Ray?

-Yeah, are you crazy?

What are you

talking about?

Did she just

ask you to go?

Like...

Why did you stay here, papi,

when that pretty girl

just asked you to go with her?

No, not really. She was...

She knows,

she was being nice.

Women are not that nice, Ray.

Drunk...

That's our boy.

Do you live

in the neighborhood?

Yeah, um, Streeterville.

It's my dad's place.

Oh, you live with your dad?

Not anymore.

So it's just you?

Could get lonely, no?

What's wrong with that?

Nothing. Just, sometimes

when I'm-- when I'm by myself,

I have a hard time finding

to do stuff... with myself.

Maybe you think too much.

You'd be surprised, uh,

solitude can be peaceful

and addicting.

Oh, thank you.

So...

What's your story?

Not much.

Grew up

down the street from the bar,

moved into a place across

the street from the brewery.

With your dance partners?

Uh, with my ex.

Ex-girlfr-- My ex-girlfriend.

-That's, you know, that's, uh...

-Mmm. Another story?

...over.

Well, do tell, young lady.

Do tell.

-f*ck you.

-f*ck you!

-Tonight...

-Mm-hmm.

...you came and sat

next to me at the bar.

Why?

Why'd you come after me?

Because

you seemed like a nice guy.

Well, it was dark,

and I-- I couldn't let you

walk alone

in the dark, you know?

Why's that?

Are you afraid of the dark?

No. No.

Are you?

Sweetie,

I'm not afraid of anything.

You're deflecting.

You're the one that picked up

a random guy from a bar

to interview him

about his breakup?

Come on! I'm a great listener.

Um...

Nobody likes a sob story, okay?

Try me.

Lindsay.

-I would never...

-Spy on me in the shower?

You were out and wrapped up,

and I couldn't-- I couldn't even

see anything if I want--

Even if I wanted to.

Which I didn't, so...

Oh, so you don't

want to see me naked?

I mean, I-- I don't--

don't want to see you naked,

of course, yes,

I'd like-- I'd like to see you

naked if you wanted me to, if--

you know, someday.

Can you see now?

I can, and you're...

You're very... clean.

Hungry?

Excuse me?

For dinner.

Yes, definitely,

definitely, yes.

Yes, uh, I'm-- I'm--

I'll go hang out--

Sit down. I'll be right out.

Ready?

Good-looking guy.

He certainly was.

It's just my dad and I.

So, when he passed,

I moved in with my cousins.

One big, loud family.

- Sounds familiar.

- Yes.

I think

it's a Midwest thing.

But it was just

my dad and I, so...

When he died, it was...

It was, like, more

than losing your dad.

It's like

losing your best friend.

Everybody loved him.

And wherever

he went in the city,

somebody knew him.

No, I swear to God,

no matter where it was,

I left with at least

two or three more uncles

that I never knew I had.

And you always knew

when he entered a room,

because he'd go up

to every single person.

Even if you didn't know him,

you wanted to.

And he'd be shaking your hand

before you even got a chance

to look over your front

and be like,

"Who the f*ck is this guy?"

And then, uh,

I don't know,

we'd just hang out all night

and slip out the back door

before anyone even noticed.

I always thought

it was kind of rude, but...

He always said,

nobody needs a long goodbye.

I like that.

Yeah.

He taught me

to always live in the now,

and to be present

for the ones that you love.

That's some advice

everybody should hear.

Yeah.

It's just nice.

Yeah, yeah, it's...

Yes, it's-- it's nice.

It's a little oasis

within the city,

I like to call it.

Oh. It's beautiful.

Yeah, it's nice, it's beautiful.

Yeah, it's so peaceful.

-Sylvia.

-Yes, Mickey?

How do you call your lover boy?

Come here, lover boy!

And if he doesn't answer?

Oh lover boy.

-And if he still

doesn't answer?

-I simply say...

"Ray, it's Cecilia.

I know this message

may come as a shock,

but I was hoping we could

talk on the phone soon.

Hope you're well."

You throw the f*cking ball,

catch the f*cking ball.

What's the matter with you?

Don't make it a thing, okay?

Cecilia texted me.

-Yeah, f*ck you.

-f*ck you.

She's still alive?

What'd she say?

Nothing.

-She wants to talk.

-Now she wants to talk?

-That's what I said.

-To her?

What? No, to you.

I haven't talked to her yet.

Good. Don't. Delete it.

-Hey, what about Coco?

-What about Coco?

Why are you always

bringing Coco into this?

What, they're still friends,

aren't they?

What, you think she's just

not seeing Cecilia anymore?

No.

Sure, I guess.

She is, Ray.

Come on, don't be so

damn oblivious all the time.

What, I'm supposed to tell Coco

who she can

and cannot hang out with?

-Why not?

-Because I'm not you.

Then what am I?

-A d*ck.

-Then what's that make Coco?

I mean, would a real friend

be sneaking behind your back

to hang out with a cheater?

No, she wouldn't.

So she shouldn't.

Because that's f*cked up.

I'm not going to burn

another bridge.

Yeah, well, if standing up for

yourself burns another bridge,

then f*ck that bridge.

And Coco knows

not to talk about my life.

Especially with Cecilia.

That's what they do, Ray.

How would you know?

Because that's what we do.

You think

it's any different over there?

Everybody talks, everybody's

in each other's sh*t.

Especially when you think

they're not, they are.

I mean, f*ck, she could

at least fill Cecilia in

on what you've been up to.

Which is?

Lindsay?

Weird timing, don't you think?

All right, fine, maybe

she didn't hear about that sh*t.

But I'm telling you,

women have a sixth sense

-for these f*cking things.

-You've got a sixth sense

with everybody, bro.

I think you

should f*cking move out.

I think you should

mind your business.

You're my f*cking business.

I mean, come on, you ever

want to get over this chick?

It can't be Coco and Alex

-and Baby f*cking Huey--

-I said shut the f*ck up.

Shut the f*ck up.

I know, all right?

I know you love your roommates.

This Lindsay chick,

she's pretty f*cking incredible.

But until your past

is really behind you,

you'll always be reminded of it

and surrounded by it.

Everyone needs to move on

just as much as you do.

Just f*cking let 'em.

Hey, I've been meaning

to ask you guys, uh...

Do you think it's time for me

to get out of your hair?

What do you mean?

Like, your own space.

Around-- around here.

You mean move out?

But why? We're family.

We are. We are family, but...

Yeah, I don't wa--

I don't want to overstay

my welcome with you guys.

You were here first,

if anyone should leave,

-it should be Alex.

-Wha--

Okay.

Yeah.

Just checking.

Something else on your mind?

Uh, yeah. I-- I--

I didn't want to bring it up.

But, um...

Cecilia texted me.

-What? Now?

-When?

What about?

Did you-- did you guys talk?

No, of course not.

Because you didn't want to?

Why should he?

I'm not saying that he should.

I'm just asking why.

Because f*ck her. That's why.

- Babe?

- I'm sorry, man.

I mean, she's your friend,

but this is bullshit.

-Okay--

-She should know better.

This has

nothing to do with you, Alex.

Look, it really--

it doesn't even matter,

because I have

zero interest in her anyways.

She want to talk?

She should come to our doorstep,

on her knees,

where she left you.

Okay, relax.

Come on, I mean,

she knows where to find Ray.

Where is she?

Listen, buddy.

You don't need

anything from her.

Okay.

I know we don't talk

about this a lot,

but I am still

friends with Cecilia, okay?

So I don't think there needs

to be any sort of shaming.

What happened to Ray

was disgusting,

and I would never

condone that behavior.

But, I mean, this was--

this was tough for everybody.

And I just feel like

if you're punishing someone,

you're just going to end up

feeling bitter--

Oh, come on. Come on. Punishing?

Ask him who's punishing who.

-Ask him.

-Okay, well,

if you would let me finish,

I think a big part

of the healing process

is to forgive and forget.

Let me see

if I get this straight.

Cecilia needs Ray

to forgive her,

so that she can feel better?

He doesn't need

to forgive her for her.

I mean,

you can forgive her for you.

Which she can still do.

I mean, buddy,

you know how to continue

living your best life?

Just part ways with those

who threaten it.

That's what closure is,

Einstein.

Yeah, but what does

she need it for?

Are you telling me that

even if you couldn't

stand the sight of someone,

you wouldn't just

suck it up for two minutes?

Even if you genuinely knew

it would make his or her

life a little bit better?

I mean, wouldn't that

make you feel better?

Bitterness and-- and--

and jealousy

doesn't do anyone

any good whatsoever.

And I know you would,

Alex, because I know you.

What did you mean by everybody?

What?

You said it's been tough

for everybody.

Who?

Those who care about you.

Your family and Bird and...

me.

I didn't realize

I was such a burden.

What? No-- no, you're not.

I just meant that

you're not alone in all of this.

I mean, we all lost.

What did you lose?

Are you serious?

Just curious.

Okay. Well, I've been stuck

in the middle of all of this.

I know you lost your girlfriend

and I wouldn't compare the two,

but I think

we're forgetting here

that I was best friends

with Cecilia.

I mean, we all were, weren't we?

You could have went with her.

Ray, I didn't want to.

Well, I'm sorry

you felt so stuck.

I know the feeling.

But at least

you both had a choice.

You didn't lose

your best friend.

You lost your roommate

and you gained a bunkmate.

I lost my best friend.

Along with everything else.

"Ray,

by the time you're

reading this,

I've been lying awake

at night curious

if you've made it this far.

I've thought about

what I'd say to you,

and how I'd say it

for a long time now,

but to be honest

picturing you now

has made me forget everything.

There hasn't been a single day

that I haven't

thought about you, Ray,

and what I did to you.

I want to say I'm sorry,

but I'd like to hope

that you already knew that.

I hope you saw my silence

as respect for you.

Every day seemed too soon,

always too late.

I'm sorry

if I was wrong about that.

I love you, Ray.

I always will.

Please know this.

Yours forever and always,

Cecilia."

"P.S. I'll be at the diner

this Saturday at 10 a.m.

I'll wait for you."

Hey, what are you thinking?

What am I thinking?

I'm not thinking. Why?

You seem off.

I just didn't like

the movie too much.

I'm sorry,

it's nothing, it's just...

roommate stuff.

Okay, well...

you don't have to talk about it,

but when you do, I'm all ears.

Thanks.

Hey, Ray, wait.

Um...

If you wanted to get away,

I'm gonna go

to the lake this weekend,

so you should come.

-The lake?

-Yeah, uh, Lake Geneva.

Some of my old family friends

have a place on the water,

so we could just get on

the train Saturday morning.

Yeah, sounds good.

I'm gonna-- I'll let you know.

Okay, bye.

Uh, Ray.

Wait.

Yes?

Can I ask you something?

What are we?

What do you mean?

I mean, are we together?

I think we're dating

each other, right?

Okay, but like, just each other?

-What are you getting at?

-I'm-- I'm just interested in

what you think

this might be.

I think--

I think we're hanging out

and having fun,

which is what dating is.

Okay, but are we hanging out

and having fun

with other people as well?

No, no. What, no-- are you?

Would you be upset if I was?

I mean, I-- no, I, no-- I guess

I wouldn't--

shouldn't be surprised, no.

-Okay.

-Yeah.

What, what? Would-- would you?

I-- I don't know,

I thought that...

Yes, Ray,

I would be upset if you were.

Okay, I just,

I- I thought that maybe...

You thought what?

Ray, we just had sex.

-I know we just did.

-We've been having sex

and going out

and you're introducing me

to your family

and your friends and,

and we're spending

a lot of time together.

I know, and I love it.

Okay, so wouldn't that

be weird if I was doing

that exact same thing

with somebody else

and you didn't know about it?

I want you

to roll your own roll, dude.

Okay, dude,

I do roll my own roll.

Okay, then what's the issue?

I don't want to do all of that.

-Then what do you want?

-I want you, Ray.

We're here right now.

I don't mean literally.

You mean exclusively.

And I-- I just--

Lindsay, I'm-- I'm--

That-- it's too complicated

for me right now

to be into something like that.

Christ, I'm not asking you

to marry me.

-Okay, then what are you asking?

-I'm asking you,

where do you see this going?

I thought it was going okay.

Okay, so did I

until a minute ago.

Well, you think

you're the only person

in the entire world who's

ever experienced a heartbreak?

Look, I know you.

That's why I get you.

I don't need you to get me.

-Okay, I'm not saying, I just--

-No, no,

but what are you trying to say,

what are you trying to say?

I-- I just thought

I could fix you.

I don't need you

to f*cking fix me, Lindsay.

God.

Go home.

Fine.

f*ck her, I'm so sick of you

moping around here.

So bent out of shape

for some b*tch

that kicked you to the curb.

I love you, Ray.

Meet me at the f*cking diner.

Now she thinks

she can just waltz back in

like nothing f*cking happened.

What, Lou dawg, am I wrong?

Oh, suddenly nobody

has anything to f*cking say?

Hey, Dr. Phil,

you're f*cked up.

- Go home.

- God.

You're letting this girl

run your f*cking life,

and look at me now.

I'm even

f*cking talking about her.

f*ck Coco.

That f*cking b*tch.

Is she--

You call her your best friend?

She's f*cking

Cecilia's best friend.

You're f*cking bringing

her around your house

when you're f*cking here.

She can't f*cking meet her

at a f*cking coffee shop,

or Cecilia's house

for that f*cking matter?

Oh no, probably not.

'Cause she's still f*cking

shacked up with that b*tch

she f*cking left you for.

This is exactly what I was

f*cking talking about.

They always come back,

and here she is,

she's coming back, and

you're f*cking falling for it.

And now old Ray's back,

and you'll get back together

and blah, blah, blah,

until it happens again

like a broken f*cking record.

Now she wants to talk?

That b*tch should have

thought of that

before she sucked off

the bartender

and came home

and kissed you goodnight.

-f*ck you!

-f*ck you!

Hey, hey, hey!

Yeah, there he is,

on the d*ck Biondi show,

18 degrees.

The sound of music

with d*ck Biondi!

I'm sorry.

Jamie wouldn't let me walk.

It's fine.

You okay?

Yes.

I just-- I-- I'm-- sorry

for dragging you out and, and...

...for everything, really.

I'm sorry.

That's what I'm here for.

Yeah.

Hey, I'm-- I'm sorry, Ray.

Why? Why? Not-- it's not--

It's not your fault. It's--

It's--

It's not your fault.

It's just--

Goal!

Shrimp?

Bird called looking for you.

Said nobody

can get you on the phone.

Taking a day off.

He's just worried

about you, you know?

With this whole Cecilia thing.

Don't need to worry about it.

Me? Oh, no,

I'm-- I'm not worried.

Will you go?

Go where?

Maybe.

For some closure, why not?

If that's what you need.

Do what you want.

What, you don't think

I should go?

It's not up to me.

If you think

you should go, then go.

I sense a "but."

But you don't need to go.

Let me ask you something.

If she hadn't wrote

you that letter,

if she hadn't asked you

to finally f*cking meet

after all this time,

would you still go?

If she hadn't asked,

we wouldn't be meeting

-in the first place, Alex.

-Exactly.

So why now?

Do what you want.

I do do what I want.

What, do you think

she wants to meet up because...

she wants me back?

Maybe not want you back,

maybe she just wants to know

that she still has you.

You know, if she wants.

Okay, I won't.

I wouldn't get back with her

even if she wanted me to. So...

If you go,

isn't that exactly

what you're doing?

Two, please.

Okay, my keys--

Who are those for?

-They look like sh*t.

-Yeah, so do you.

All right, I'm gonna ask.

All right?

You drink too much.

f*cking gamble too much.

Probably talk too much.

I mean, maybe there's

a lot of things I do too much.

I don't know.

You're on your way out.

-I just came...

-I know.

Me too.

So where are you headed?

It's your funeral.

I'm not afraid of anything.

sh*t, neither am I,

but I still look both ways

before crossing the street.

What are you gonna do?

Me? Nothing.

I know I'm the black sheep

of the family,

but you're clearly

the village idiot.

-f*ck you.

-f*ck you.

-Just hear me out for a second.

-I do-- I don't want to.

What, you're in such a rush you

can't spare two f*cking minutes?

Look, man.

It's not easy watching

somebody you love get hurt.

And I'm your f*cking brother.

So if there's even the slightest

chance I can do something

to make sure that sh*t's

not gonna happen, I'm doing it.

And I know how you feel,

because I feel that sh*t too.

I wish I didn't, but I do.

You don't have to feel that way

if you don't want to.

I don't want to.

I know you don't.

So don't.

These smell like piss.

Just give me

the f*cking flowers.

Hey, how about a lift?

-You wanna grab a drink before?

-No.

Just checking.

Look, it was wrong of me

to assume

that I would be the one

to help you move on.

So, I'm sorry.

And I was wrong about that.

Nah.

You're right.

And I have...

some serious fixing to do...

of my own.

On my own.

Hey.

Come on.

You're such a catch, Lindsay.

And for some reason,

you are attracted to my baggage.

You don't deserve

a half-assed boyfriend.

And I think I need to learn

to be there for myself

before I can be there

for anybody else right now.

There's nothing wrong with that.

I don't usually handle

rejection this well,

so you should consider

yourself lucky.

Nothing like a last kiss.

So.

What's next for Baby?

Come in here.

Raymond. Did you do this?

Yeah, Ray, what is this?

Dinner.

For two?

And so goes the story

of a catastrophic breakup.

Which led to a subtraction,

an addition, an addiction,

an adoption, a couple more

heartfelt connections,

some more breakups,

breakdowns, but eventually

introduced me to the one person

I had always known,

but I guess never really met.

And whom I've finally

come to realize

is not such a bad

guy after all.

Yeah, well, maybe

if you put on your chapstick

you wouldn't get herpes.

It's not f*cking herpes.

Hey, you must be the new guy.

Hey, I'm Blake,

this is my sister Paige.

Uh, Brother,

why do you always feel like

you have to introduce me?

Stop!

-Hey.

-Hi.

-I'm Paige.

-Nice to meet you guys, I'm Ray.

Hey, Ray, we actually

have a third roommate.

Her name's Halle.

She's parking the car right now.

Maybe you'll meet her.

-Nice meeting you, man.

-Yeah, nice meeting you, guys.

-Take care.

-Take it easy.

Hey. You're the new neighbor.

-I'm H--

-Halle.

I-- I think

I just met your roommates.

Oh, that's a relief.

So, it's just you?

Yeah, yeah. I'm Ray.

Hi. Must be nice living alone.

Can you afford that?

Uh, ask me in 29 days.

Yeah, maybe I will.

So, it's just you three?

Uh, yeah, for now.

I-- I think. Uh...

I just got out of a really long

relationship and we go way back,

so they just

welcomed me with open arms.

I'm sorry.

I don't know

why I told you that.

No. No, no, it's okay.

It's good-- it's good

to talk about those things.

Yeah, well...

nobody likes a sob story.

That's our boy.

Cheers me.

Good, perfect,

let's just reset

and go right back into it.

f*ck you. f*ck you.

f*ck you. f*ck you.

Oh, perfect. Cut.

Where is she? Where is she at?

Where-- where is she,

where is she--

Where is she?

Where's she at?

Where's she at? Yeah.

How come you didn't--

Where-- wait, stop.

Where-- all right. Where is she?

Where's she at?

How come

you're here every day?

She's in the car.

- Don't think about it.

- Heard.

f*ck it.

We'll do it live. All right.

Came home

to kiss you goodnight--

You know, f*ck--

- All right, awesome.

- Yeah, that's a cut.

Hey, thanks for the tip

on the taint.

It's been a hot

m*therf*cking summer.

You're singing

to the choir, Lou.

Now lean

to the left, right.

Lean to the left,

now go back right.

No, now go left.

Great.

- Action.

- Try me.

- Oh. That's right--

- Okay.

- I've been smiling--

- I think we're ready.

Please help me, so you

can go play ice hockey.

Why are you busting

my f*cking ba*ls?

- f*ck you!

- f*ck you!

Turn that sh*t off.

I'm just kidding.

I really love you, man.