01x03 - Night of the Bat-Bat/Scrap-Happy

[bunniefuu]

[theme song playing]

[theme playing]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom ♪

♪ Boom-uh, boom-uh,
boom-uh, boom-uh ♪

♪ Here he comes,
that Mighty Mouse ♪

♪ Coming to vanquish the foe
with a mighty blow ♪

♪ So don't be afraid anymore ♪

♪ 'Cause things won't be
like they've been before ♪

♪ "Here I come
to save the day" ♪

♪ Thank goodness
Mighty Mouse is on his way ♪

♪ So let
the trumpet players play ♪

[chorus sings
heroic fanfare]

♪ For Mighty Mouse
is here today ♪

♪ Boom-uh, boom-uh,
boom-uh, boom-uh... ♪

♪ Here he comes,
that Mighty Mouse ♪

♪ Just like a bolt
from the blue ♪

♪ With a heart that's true ♪

♪ Fighting evil,
fighting crime ♪

♪ And always there
in the nick of time ♪

♪ Here he comes
to save the day ♪

♪ And he will prove
that crime will never pay ♪

♪ So let
the trumpet players play ♪

[chorus sings
heroic fanfare]

♪ For Mighty Mouse
is here today! ♪

NARRATOR:
Not far from the peaceful,
quiet metropolis of Mouseville,

on the outskirts of town,

lies the cold, cruel tenement
known as Vermin City.

Here, the most vicious villains
in all the land

gather to plot their
nefarious schemes.

It is here that the most
terrifying masterminds

of them all--
the super villains--

begin their awesome waves
of crime.

Even as we speak,
a new wave of crime

is sweeping over Mouseville.

Who is this foul fiend
who is terrorizing the city?

Is there a pattern
to his crimes?

[wailing]
Who will stop this madman?

This looks like a job
for Mighty Mouse.

Hello, operator, put me through
to a Mr. Bat-Bat, please.

[whistling Mighty Mouse theme]

Hello.
Hello, Bat? Mouse.

How's tricks?

Me? Oh, not much.

How's the ward?

First time! Really!

Mmm... mm-hmm...

Yeah?

[yawns]

Oh, by the way, there's
a crime wave sweeping the town.

But I'm late for work.

Can you handle it?

Leave it to me,
old friend.

At last, another chance

to squash the criminal vermin
of this city.

Yes, it's Bat-Bat,

masked defender of justice,
Bat-Bat has dedicated his life

to wiping out corruption
and filth

in this diseased society
of ours,

with the help of his faithful
sidekick the Bug Wonder.

To the Manmobile, Bug Wonder.

Once again, the Manmobile
roars into the night,

striking fear into the hearts
of evildoers everywhere.

[screaming]

Taste cold justice, you
disreputable henchmen types.

Having vanquished
his vile foes,

the Dark Avenger speeds off
into the night,

secure in the knowledge that
law and order prevails.

Back in the seclusion
of the Bat Pit,

Bat-Bat is free to reveal his
most closely guarded secret.

For in reality, Bat-Bat
and the Bug Wonder

are none other than billionaire
playbat Bruce Vein

and his youthful ward Tick.

When I think
of how the scum of this city

are allowed to run free,

I get so mad, I want to...

[refined voice]:
I want to write a very stern
letter to all their parents.

Only Belfry,
Bruce's trusted butler

knows his dark secret.

Your twist puffs, sir.

Ah, thank you, Belfry.

Ah, yes, after a hard day
of fighting crime

there's nothing so relaxing
as a light flaky pastry.

Covered with real
creamery butter.

[coughing and sputtering]

Something wrong, sir?

This isn't butter.

It's margarine.

Holy Oleo, Bat-Bat,
you're right!

I've told you
a thousand times

never to give me anything
but real butter.

I'm sorry, sir, but there seems
to be a shortage of butter.

Gad, life is so cruel.

Bruce, look at this newspaper.

Hello? What's this?

"Butter becomes weightless.

Four dairies float into space."

Butter becomes weightless?!

Raymond Burr must be
in orbit by now.

MAN:
And this just in--

ice cream stands
all over the country

are reporting that the flavors
of their ice creams

are mysteriously changing.

Old favorites such as
strawberry and chocolate

are now reported as tasting
like liver and onions

and aluminum siding.

In other news...

What is this country
coming to?

How can we maintain the highest
standard of living in the world

if our ice cream tastes
like a garage door?

[phone ringing]

[frog croaks]
Hello.

Yes, Commissioner,
this is Bat-Bat.

What? All the milk chocolate
in candy bars

has been replaced by steel wool?

Well, don't look at me,
Commissioner,

I didn't do it.

Oh, you want me to find out
who did?

Yes, sir, I'll get on it
right away.

Good-bye.

Quick, ward, to the Bat Pit.

One of these fiends
is responsible

for these dastardly
dairy crimes.

But which one is it?

Ten-Face? No-Face? Ralph Man?

Well, I'm stumped, old chum.

I have no idea who's committing
these dairy crimes.

Your hot chocolate, sir.

Belfry, look at this!

Holy heifer, that's it!

Only one man could have
committed these crimes.

The Cow.

Bug Wonder, don't
drink that cocoa.

Open your mouth.

Aha, just as I thought--
a message.

Belfry, get the batscope,

and whatever you do,
Bug Wonder, don't swallow.

Hold still now.

I think we've finally
got this thing working.

Aha, there it is.

"Attention, Bat-Bat, meet me
at the Mouseville Dairy,

"tonight at 9:48 p.m.

"It's just around the corner
from the public library.

"Park in the back

"and let yourself in
with the key under the mat.

We'll be waiting for you,"
signed, "The Cow."

At last, a clue to The Cow's
whereabouts.

Now, if we can only decode it.

THE COW:
Hot cocoa, chocolate ice cream,
cottage cheese.

How much longer
will this exploitation go on?

When will the cows cast off
their milking machines

and stand on
their own two hooves?

When I think how,
for centuries, the cow

has been forced to submit
to the public's demands

for measly dairy products,
I get so furious

I want to toot!

But enough of this.

All this anger upsets
my stomachs.

Centurions, come to attention.

Now, as you know,

my campaign of sabotage against
the insidious dairy industry

is proceeding right on schedule.

But the one man who could
put a stop to our plan--

the Bat-Bat, has discovered us.

[unhappy buzzing]

Now don't cry
over spilt milk, men.

I have a arranged a rendezvous
with the didactic duo

tonight at the Mouseville Dairy,

where his illustrious
crime-fighting career

will come to a powdery end.

[laughing]

Moo!

Aha, this plan is
not only foolproof,

it's also tamper-proof
and child resistant.

We superheroes always do
things the hard way.

Well, if it isn't
the famous Bat-Bat.

Yes, and if it isn't
the famous Cow.

I see you brought the famous
Bug Wonder with you.

Throw in the towel, Cow.

The final bell has rung.

It hasn't yet,
but it's about to.

[clanging]

[evil laughter]

As you can see, Bat-Bat,

you are trapped
in a milk dehydrating machine.

This is an udder mistake.

Flippant to the end, huh?

Well, I expected that.

This bad-joke-a-meter measures
the corniness

of your one-liners.

When the ratings hand
hits zero

you and the Bug Blunder
will be instantly turned into

powdered superhero.

[laughing]

You... You friend!

I think he
means fiend.

And now I must be going.

I have a date with destiny.

The International
Milk Exposition.

Come, my Cossacks.

I had a date with destiny once,
but she stood me up.

NARRATOR:
Is this the end of Bat-Bat
and the Bug Wonder

and the beginning
of the dehydrated duo?

Is that a multiple choice
question?

BUG WONDER: This looks like
the end, Bat-Bat!

Yes, it looks as though we're
going to take a powder.

[buzzer]

WOMAN:
It is an honor and a pleasure
to be with you here today.

Although recent events have
caused a minor decline

in the dairy industry,

I am proud to present this
Dairyman of the Year award

to Mr. Buckley Butterfat.

[fanfare plays]

This award is an outrage!

This entire fair is an outrage!

Another humiliation
to the cow community.

But no more.

Now I will exact
my vengeance on all of you.

Hah-hah! Moo! Moo!

Look, the Bat-Bat.

What? It can't be.

Give up, you coward.

Holy udder! It is Bat-Bat!

[over P.A. speakers]:
Please, ladies and gentlemen,

everything is under control.

Please remain calm.

Wow, my shorts really rode up.

En garde, Bat-Bat.

Didn't expect to see me
again, did you, cud breath?

You're supposed to be
in the dehydrating machine.

How did you escape?

Simple-- I recited
a USO monologue

and your hope-a-meter
exploded.

Curses!

Take that, you curs.

And that... and that, too.

Take this five dollars.

And don't you spend it all
on comic books.

What's that in
your ear, Cow?

Oh, yeah?

Well, what's that
in your belly button?

Hey, what's that
in your nose?

Hold it, Bat-Bat!

One more step
and we both go over!

You heard me!
Back off!

Or start looking
for a new spokeswoman!

Uh, er, spokescow.

Now, take it easy.

I know you

don't want
to hurt anybody.

What do you mean
I don't want to hurt anybody?

I'm an archvillain!

That's my shtick!

You're just misunderstood.

You crave the attention
the other cows get.

You've been
looking for love.

We all need love.

We live for love.

Even lowly scum
like you.

[sobbing, sniffling]

Yes... I was jealous.

[sniffles]

I do need love.

[sniffling]

I've...

I've made so many mistakes.

We all make
mistakes, Cow.

That's why they put rubber
on the ends of pencils.

Take good care of him, boys.

Put him out to pasture.

Look, Bat-Bat!

It's Mighty Mouse!

♪ Here I come to save the day! ♪

A little late.

Well, the lights
were against me.

[guffawing]

[punch thuds]

NARRATOR:
This is Little Orphan Scrappy.

He's not running away
from home,

he's running
to find a home.

Yes?

Hi. My name is Scrappy.

I'm an orphan.

Will you be my mom?

[children laughing]

[growls]

"We need mice!"

"We need mice!" Wow!

[knocks on door,
door creaks open]

Can I come in?

You're too short.

Too high.

Too big.

Too small.

BOTH:
You'll never do!

[sobbing]

What's this?

[sobbing]

Why are you crying,
little fella?

Why aren't you out
playing with your friends?

I don't have any friends.

I'll be your friend.

You mean it?

Mighty Mouse never lies.

You're really Mighty Mouse?!

That's right.

And we're pals?

Pals for life.

Wow! You mean if I'm ever
in a tight spot,

you'll come
and save the day?

Of course I will.

But don't you go calling your
super friends just any old time.

Make sure you're really
in trouble.

So long, pal.

Keen!

Mighty Mouse is my pal!

[pole creaking]

Hi! I'm Scrappy!
Who are you?

We're the Micefits--
I'm Moe,

this is Bub and
that's Frawley.

Hey, can I hang around with
you guys and have some fun?

Uh, don't know.
What do you think, Bub?

Certainly not.

Beat it,
you little squirt.

Who needs you?

Oh, yeah?

Well, who needs you when
Mighty Mouse is my pal?

[laughing]:
Mighty Mouse?

BUB & FRAWLEY [laughing]:
Mighty Mouse.

That's rich.

"Mighty Mouse is my pal."

[laughing]

Hey, wait a minute.

Let's play
a gag on the little hairball.

You know the apple tree
up at Old Man Weasel's place?

Not Old Man Weasel.

Hey, kid!
You can join the Micefits.

We was just kiddin' ya.

Of course, you've got
to pass the initiation.

Think you can
handle it, Peewee?

Peewee?

You just tell me what to do.

That's the spirit.

Now, you see that shack
up there on the hill?

That's where
Old Man Weasel lives.

Old Man Weasel?

What's the matter, kid?

You scared?

Not me, Jack.

Good, now.

If you can take

an apple from that tree,

you're in.

No sweat.

[thunder crashes]

[laughs]
What a riot.

This kid will be in for it when
that old weasel catches him.

[rumbling]

That's where you got
the story wrong, boys.

I'm no weasel.

I'm a mole!

Mole!

Mole!

[cackling]

[catching breath]

You know what happens

to bad little boys
who steal apples?

Who don't know
a weasel from a mole?

[laughing maniacally]

[off-key melody playing
on calliope]

Thanks, Weasel.

Here ya go.

So, you've been
bad little mice.

Don't look so sad.

Don't you know?

This is the most whimsical
place on earth.

You're gonna like it here.

And as for me...

well, I'm a swell guy.

Just ask old Salty here.

He knows me well.

Ahem!
Ain't that right, Salty?

[squawks]
Don't pay the bum.

Quiet!

Listen, I'm a fair guy.

But just remember,
if you don't pull your weight

as good carnival workers,

if you don't obey my rules,

and if I ever catch you

working against me...

Well...

Let's think nice things,
shall we?

I bet you wouldn't be so tough
if Mighty Mouse were here.

Sure, kid.

But Mighty Mouse
ain't here, is he?

You're gonna
have a great time.

Just wait.

Tomorrow, you'll have

all the carnival attractions

you've ever wanted.

[laughing]

[cats chattering and cheering]

[off-key
calliope music playing]

How do they do it?

I mean, the action of those
puppets is so lifelike.

It's got my interest.

Just amazing.

[laughing]

[sputters]

[mechanical whirring,
clicking]

Come on, you mouse.

I want that swell jeweled
scratching post over there,

sticking up out
of the mousetraps.

It's uh, for
my girl here.

That's it, mouse!
Now, pull it out!

Mmm, I don't like it.

How about that bag of catnip
over there by the hand grenade?

[off-key
calliope music playing]

MOE:
Oh, boy, am I beat.

A vulgar situation, indeed.

What will we do?

[sobbing]

I'm never going
to steal another apple.

[door opening, laughing]

Didn't I tell you this
is a fun place to be?

[chuckling]

Aww...

You poor little snips
look hungry.

Hey, Julius.
Bring these guys some grub.

They're gonna
need their strength.

Tomorrow's a big day.

[murmuring, smacking lips]

[guffawing]

How I love
the carny business.

[sobbing]

Don't worry, guys.

I'll get us put of this.

I'll call my pal Mighty Mouse.

Oh, lay off it,
will ya, kid?

Mighty Mouse ain't your pal
and you know it.

If he were,
he'd get us out of this mess.

He is, too, my pal.

And I'll prove it.

But don't you go calling your
super friends just any old time.

Make sure you're
really in trouble.

Aw, you guys don't
believe in him anyhow.

So let's save him the trouble
by saving ourselves.

You remember all those
papers in Chester's office?

Well, that guys' so crooked,
there has to be stuff in there

to prove he
belongs in jail.

If we can just
sneak in there...

[off-key
calliope music playing]

Hey, I don't want
to cause a fuss.

But you got some mice over here

that don't move
nearly as lifelike

as the ones
in your puppet show.

What?!

BUB: These should
do the trick, Scrappy.

Swell. Now we can...

[door slams open]

CHESTER:
Aha!

What did I tell you
about working against me?

When you're done with this ride,

you're gonna be so dizzy,

you won't have a chance

to do any more plotting
against Chester.

Let this be a
lesson to you all!

[Chester laughing
maniacally]

[creaking]

[all screaming]

You know,

I think I might
have gone too far this time.

Gee whiz, Mighty Mouse, I think
I really am in trouble now.

And if you really
are my pal...

Help!

♪ Here I come to save the day! ♪

Well, I guess I deserve that.

Wow, Scrappy!

What a guy!

You really do know him.

Yeah, he is
your pal.

You mind, Scrappy, if we hang
around with you from now on?

Well, I'll consult
with Mighty Mouse

and see if there's
any time on our schedule.

Don't worry, boys.

You've always
got a job here.

They're good kids.

I'm going to tear this dump down

and turn it into a bingo parlor.