02x02 - The Bazooka Boys

[bunniefuu]

- Hey, Gary, what's up?
- I'm sponging down my locker.

It was starting to reek.

I've never seen you
clean anything before.

What's this?

You got an "A" on myer's quiz?
Who did you copy off of?

No one. I just applied myself, I guess.

Hey, does this smell like a
gentle spring rain of you?

- Hi, Gary.
- Paula, hi.

Thank for sharing your cinnamon roll.
Next time nibble off mine.

- [ Bell Ringing )
- [ Air Hissing )

- What's going on here, Gary?
- What do you mean?

Something's different with you.
All of sudden you're getting A's

Paula sparks wants to nibble...

And your butt's whistling!

[ Screaming )

[ Whimpers )

Gary?

Hey, Wyatt. How was your day?

- Okay, you can drop the act.
- Act?

Cyberspace getting old so you
thought you'd screw with my head?

- What do you mean?
- This.

I spent the last hour scraping
my best friend off my shoes.

- Oh, that.
- Gotcha!

Bet you thought it was me, huh?

Told you he'd buy it.

It's the old my-friend-is-a-
double-made-out-of-gum gag.

I should have seen the connection.
my best friend chews gum.

My best friend's made fo gum.

I didn't mean to freak you out.

The bubble double was a test run.

I'm relieved your cruel
prank has some purpose.

We should have told him.

Here's what I'm thinking.

Lisa zaps up a couple
more bubble doubles.

Let them hassle with book
reports dodge ball face burns.

We hit the slopes for three years
and come back for senior skip day.

What are you, insane?
I won't drop out for three years

while some walking mound
of bubble yum...

- A week?
- A week's good.

You won't b*tch about cutting class?

- We're not making up work.
- I know.

Wait a minute.

- Ow!
- Sorry.

I thought you were
a bubble double.

I could use a break from school too.

You heard him.
Give that man a gum ball.

Wyatt, hold out your hand.

Go ahead.

Chew it.

I don't get a fresh one?

There's not some magic
gum ball machine full of these.

Hmm. Hasn't lost its flavor.

LISA: Just put your lips
together and blow.

Very impressive. Great craftsmanship.

Did you have to make
then so... naked?

What's wrong?
Don't you like your clone?

He doesn't look anything
like me... down there.

- I took a guess.
- You guessed wrong.

I never realized I had such
a gracefully sloping spine.

- Hey, looking good.
- Right back at you, bad boy.

You are one sharp dresser.
Are those stone washed?

Uh, yeah. I got them
a couple weeks ago.

I'd love to borrow them.

If they look that good on you
they'll look great on me.

Yech. What a couple of butt-kissers.

At can we do for you-- homework,
chores, ask, your parents for money?

Just name it. It's done.

Okay. You sure you remember
where everything is?

- Evme?
- Sure. Just go enjoy yourselves.

Wyatt, let's drop the doublemint
twins already and go.

I'm having second thoughts.

My clone's not doing a
convincing job playing me.

He's right, Gary.
I'm having second thoughts too.

I'm not doing a convincing
job playing him.

I take that back.

He is good.

Come on, guys.
We've only got a week.

[ Laughing )

Dude! That was awesome, dude!

Buddy, radical moguls, buddy.

Will you two please
stop talking that way?

Lisa, an amazing week. Thank you.

Welcome back. Missed that smile.

Hey, it's our guys.

Nice shades. Mmm.

Can I borrow those sometimes?

They're yours.

- Fresh-baked gInger sn*p?
- Ooh, thanks.

You guys get through
the week okay?

No problem. You have a book
report due in history class tomorrow.

Here it is, but I have to
double-check the footnotes.

Could you put this in one
of those plastic things?

What's up with that?

A week was the deal
and the week's over.

- Ow!
- Oop. Sorry.

Over here.

Wait. Hold up.
We could still use these guys.

They're only bubbles.
They can't live your lives.

Who said they should
live our lives?

We want them to take
over the lame parts--

Go to school, or help out
around the house.

- They make a great cookie.
- You won't do anything crazy?

No. We just want them
around in case of an emergency, or...

- mid-terms.
- All right.

Do what you want but good
luck scraping them off the floor.

Here's a thought.

We inflate our bubble-doubles for gym.
Send them on the rope climb

and stash them behind our ears
for the rest of the day.

Is it me, or is everybody
unusually friendly today?

Morning, baby.

Hi... Paula...

baby.

I'm really looking forward
to this afternoon.

- You and me?
- Well, yeah.

Oh, Gary, don't even
pretend like you forgot.

- The debate team finals?
- I'm not on the debate team.

You save those clever
retorts for the competition.

Hi, Wyatt.

- Monya?
- I was so inspired by your speech in assembly

last week that I went home
and I built my own compost heap.

Uh... big thumbs up.

So, are you nervous
about this afternoon?

No.

- Why? Should I be?
- Oh, yeah.

You're nervous. Break a leg.

Bye.

I'm starting to get the feeling
we stayed away too long.

I hate musicals.

The gum's been busy.

I never trusted the gum.

[ Whistling )

[ Glass Breaking )

- Do you know the file command?
- I saw everything.

Well, well, well...
What do we have here?

Gary and Wyatt--
couple of guys, naked.

- Want a gInger sn*p?
- No.

Thanks.

I had one chance at debate
team finals and I lost because of you.

I didn't know there were rules
about not agreeing with the other side.

How can you be so brilliant one
day and so totally brain-dead the next?

Don't you ever offer me
a danish again.

Looks like your day has been
almost as humiliating as mine.

I doubt that. Thanks to my
bubble-double I'm on the diving team,

the debate team and I've
lettered in interpretive dance.

Gee. I'd burst into tears
except I have to learn

my lines for an entire
musical, in two hours.

Look. We'll just reinflate
your double and

send him out for his
song and dance.

Then we'll deflate them
for the cast party.

I hear those drama girls are easy.

- Uh-oh.
- Hi, guys.

- What's up?
- Our gum wads are gone.

- Oh, I threw those away.
- What? Why?

They were all covered with lint,
little hairs, icky.

Okay. Then zap up a couple more.

Only this time could you make
the next pair a little more mellow?

That last batch went
hyper-achievement on us.

How about a couple
of root beer floats?

- Sure. Okay.
- Just not too foamy.

I'll run down to the kitchen
and pour a couple mugs.

- Why don't you just zap them up?
- Because...

zapping always makes
the ice cream all lumpy.

Be right back.

Hey, Gar, I don't remember
leaving Lisa out

- of the computer this morning.
- We didn't.

No ice cream in the freezer.
I'll have to run to the 7-eleven.

- Anyone got a 20?
- Forget the floats.

I know how to test her.

How would you like to have sex
with me right now, in the shower?

Okay.

She's fine. You got a shower cap?

Gary, it's not our Lisa!

You're right. That able b*tch
can't help you now.

Nobody can.

I'm going to put an end
to your simpering,

pathetic lives once and for all.

- She's a bubble-double!
- The dart! The dart!

Good idea.

- Aim high! You need ayeah.
- Okay.

Aim high? I hope she kills you first.

Eat gum, flesh boys.

She's gone. Gone...

Relax. It wasn't our Lisa.

It was some hideous replicant
made out of gum.

But it was going to
shower with me.

That stuff really sticks.
I may have to shave my arms.

Oh, no! Lisa's file is gone.

The gum boys must have
download her.

Lisa's been download?
Lisa's gone forever?

No, downloaded mean copied.

- Oh, that's not so bad.
- We need to find Lisa's disk.

And find out what the
doubles are up to.

Only one way to find out.

Can't you pump any faster?

- Her lips keep slipping off.
- Try the ear.

All right, gum-head, star--

Look, guys, I've been thinking.

You want to sashay around
buck naked fine by me.

I've seen my share of
rump in boot camp.

So it's not like I have a, uh...
problem with it.

I wasn't staring then
and I'm not staring now.

So, let's just put the whole
ugly incident behind us.

- Agreed?
- ALL: Yeah, sure.

As you were.

- So where's the real Lisa?
- The gum boys took her.

They made me to dispose
of you two flesh-bags.

Once you were out of the way
they planned to take over

- your lives, permanently.
- Geez, what did we ever do to them?

Yeah, they're just a couple
of gum ba*ls

Lisa created to serve us,
to make our lives more fun.

What lives? You two are
barely living yours.

The gum boys value
what you take for granted.

Sure, they're only made of
gum but they make

better human beings
than you two ever will.

- Harsh.
- They're smarter,

more talented, more popular,
better-looking

better at sports,
better dancers, more fun.

I've heard enough.

They've taken Lisa.
They've taken our lives.

I say it's time to kick
a little juicy fruit butt.

All right, okay, here's the plan:
this weekend,

my parent's house at the lakes.
Jet skis, jacuzzis and a


All compliments of mom and dad.

All right.

My parents are letting them
stay at the lake house?

They don't even let me
in the formal dining room.

Look at me--
I'm having the time of my life.

And I'm flirting.
I look great in that shirt.

The head was right. They are
better at being us than we are.

- Maybe they deserve our lives.
- No, don't say that.

I mean, sure, they're more
outgoing and popular

better with women,
more articulate...

- What's your point?
- They're not us.

They're gum.

But look how confident they are.

It's easy for them
to be confident.

What do they have to lose, flavor?

Sure we have a lot of problems but
those problems make us who we are.

I would rather be a
screwed-up human than

a smooth-talking stick of gum.

You're right.

I want my life back.

If anybody's going to screw up
our lives it's going to be us.

Let's go get them.

Wait! We can't just pop them.

We got to find out what they
did with Lisa's disk.

Let's do that thing we did to
that guy at that place that time.

Good plan.

Congratulations on the
student council election.

Thank you, Mr. Wallace.

Congratulations on scoring
a date with Sophia Ruby.

We'll load Lisa's disk
on to your computer.

Then we'll call her up and wish
for her to make us real.

Ah, life is good.

[ Sharp Rap )

- You okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

One down.

I heard you aced the debate
after the flesh-bag almost blew it.

Yeah, thanks. Anyway,
speaking of Lisa

- maybe we should check on her disk.
- Ah, she's okay.

Yeah, but I still want to make sure.
We've been so busy being

perfect guys I don't remember
where we put the darn disk.

- Do you remember?
- Sure thing, bubble-buddy.

- She's right here.
- Thank you.

Hey, what do you know?
I'm real.

I'll see you melting on a
hot sidewalk in hell, gum-bag.

Now!

Sorry. Haven't used this
since summer camp.

We got to think like gum.

Where would gum go?

Where would gum hide?

Check under the selts.

We need a password.

If we get split up you won't
be able to tell who's who.

Let's make it something
I won't forget like a supermodel.

Okay, how about Elle MacPherson?

- No, she's an actress now.
- Kathy Ireland?

- Ugh, her voice squeaks.
- Kate Moss.

The walt chick? Works for me.

Wyatt?

Kate Ross! Kate Ross!

Kate Ross! Kate Ross!

See, I told you the
password would pay off.

Wyatt, where have you been?
Everyone else is in costume.

The show starts in ten, Miss Bouvier,
I can't go out there.

You're going to have to
send in the understudy.

Gary? Are you ready?

[ Hoarsely: ) Uh, laryngitis.

Wyatt, it's up to you.
Relax, you'll be fine.

You just have a case of
the opening night jitters.

No, it's bigger than that.
I don't know the play.

Oh, that's nonsense. Your rendition
of "Sunrise, sunset" made me cry.

It did? But I can't sing!

Of course, you can.
Trust your instrument.

Oh, man, I have to play
an instrument?

You touched me before, Wyatt.

Now go out there
and touch me again.

Son of a g*n,
I'm feeling much better.

Wyatt?

- Okay.
- Good.

Someone bring me Tevya's
coat and milk bucket.

- Find my double!
- I will.

Break a leg.

MAN: Two minutes to curtain.

I have to find something sharp,
pointy, deadly.

Close enough.

Hey, thanks.

[ Sniffs ) I know that smell.

That's... hubba-bubba.

If only you were a little smarter.
A little faster.

It's time to get to your
liquid center, flesh-boy.

This is going to be true
chewing satisfaction.

You call this a fair fight?

Wyatt!

Pop him, Wyatt!

Pinch his butt! Pinch his butt!

What?

It's his weak spot.

You pinch it!

It's your butt.

Wait! You don't want to pop me.

In two minutes you're going
to have to go sing

and dance in front
of the entire school.

You don't know the play.
But I do!

I can make you look good
and you know it.

You got to keep me around
just this once.

You know I'll do
a better job than you.

Thanks. I'll do it myself.

You did the right thing.

I would have waited
till after the show.

Wyatt, you're on.
You're ready?

Absolutely.

Is it too late to ask
for a teleprompter?

All right, Wyatt!
You are Tevya!

Hi. Good luck. Break a leg.

Can't let it get to me.

Got to confront the demons.

Show 'em my warrior face.

I'm going in.

Boys, I just want you to know...

Afternoon, soldier.

- Hey, Chett.
- Hey, Chett.