02x10 - Camp Wannabe

[bunniefuu]

Mm-hmm!

That was so good.

I could live on chocolate.
Chocolate brownies.

Chocolate ice cream
with those chocolate chunks.

Double chocolate fudge cake
covered with chocolate sauce.

- Is she okay?
- Chocolate fix. Give her room.

- Hello, Wyatt.
- Miss Wellman, hi.

- I really enjoyed class today.
- Hmm.

Who's that?

Rhonda Wellman,
Wyatt's english teacher.

- He's got an obsession.
- I'm not obsessed.

I just think about her
all the time.

Write notes to her
I never send

and follow her home
now and them.

- She seems uptight.
- But I bet

she was first in her class
at librarian school.

Go ahead, laugh.

She's really very warm
and sensitive.

And you should see the way
she deconstructs melville.

You're getting me all hot.

Wait a minute.
See that girl over there?

I know her.
That's Julia what's-her-name...

Putnam. We went to summer
camp together eight years ago.

I had a big crush on her.
Man, she looks good.

Julia? Remember me?

Gary Wallace from Camp Hi-de-h*.

Gary Wallace? Oh, my God!

How are you?

This is bizarre. Was thinking
about camp the other day.

This is strange running into
each other. You're looking great.

Oh, thanks. You are too.

You always were
the cutest kid at camp.

- I was cute?
- Oh, yeah.

I guess it's okay to
tell you this now but

when we were going to camp
I had the biggest crush on you.

Too bad you didn't try harder.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi.

- Jeremy Scanlon?
- Do I know you?

- Hey, you remember Gary Wallace.
- From Camp Hackamack!

- Hi-de-h*.
- Gary, what's up? This is so weird

because we were talking
about camp the other day.

I'm surprised you
recognize me without you

fist in my face.
I'm sorry about that.

- I was a real jerk back then.
- [ Beeping ]

I'm going to be late
for student council.

It was great seeing you.
Have a fine day.

- I'll get the car.
- Okay.

- You two are going together?
- Since eighth grade.

What can I say? I'm a
sucker for quarterbacks.

- He's a quarterback?
- And class president,

editor of the paper
honor roll-- the whole bit.

So what are you doing
these days?

I passed my geography quiz.

[ Moaning ]

This is your own fault.
Next time, you'll think twice

before scarfing 16 slices
of chocolate cake.


dropped your fork.

[ Belches ]

All better.

I can't believe she's
going out with Scanlon.

I mean did you hear him?
"You look great, Gary."

"Good seeing you, Gary."
Yeah, what a jerk.

Good thing he left
before he bought you lunch.

What did Scanlon do to
you that was so terrible?

He sent me... the note.

Not... the note.

[ Thunder ]

- Very funny.
- Sorry, Gary.

Tell us about the note.

All summer I was madly
in love with Julia.

And then one day,
I get this note from her.

Or so I thought. And the note
said meet her but the big tree.

I go there thinking
this is my big chance.

- But it's a trap.
- Scanlon set you up.

I spent the night tied up
to a tree wearing

- nothing but a sock.
- A sock?

I was humiliated.

I became the phantom
of Camp Hi-de-h*.

Living from canoe to
canoe all summer.

I never got up the guts
to ask Julia out.

That's so sad.

Okay, I made the canoe part up,
but it was pretty pathetic.

It's behind you now, so let it go.

You can't change the past.

Oh, no!
Please forget I said that.

Lise, is there a way
to change the past?

That one summer's haunted
me for eight years.

If I could do it over again,
it would mean so much to me.

Well, I could send you
back in time to summer camp.

Find the eight-years-old
Gary Wallace.

Give him enough courage
to ask Julia out.

And get even with Scanlon?
I'm liking it.

- Wy?
- As long as we don't travel through

time naked like the Terminator.

Last one there is a rotten egg.

Welcome to Hell.

There's the rec hall,
arts and crafts canoes...

And there's Julia.

And that's me.

- Hey, Wallace, want a mud pie?
- Sure.

And I'm guessing that's Scanlon.

Time to rewrite history.

Come on, Scanlon, you dink.
I'd like see you try that again.

Come on, you cootie-head.
I bet your mom has cooties too.

I bet your whole family
has cooties.

We should call you
the cootie-head.

I remember this,
and it's not pretty.

- What did you call me, Pippi?
- Hey, Scanlon!

Leave him alone.

- Who the hell are you?
- I'm your worst nightmare--

a counselor who'll
pay you back for

all the little guys
you stepped on.

Let him down.

Made you blink.

[ Chattering ]: Counselor's
a wussy. Counselor's a wussy.

Am not!

- I hate him.
- I hate him.

Forgot about that.

Get lost, you dork.
Thanks for nothing.

Jeez!
What crawled up my butt.

I'm going to go talk to myself.

Later.

So, what do you
want to do first--

finger-paint?
Weave place mats?

Ooh! A potter's wheel!
We can make ashtrays.

Hey, can I get
some help over here?

Ms Wellman?

That's my mom's name.
Call me Rhonda.

Ms. Wellman was a counselor
here? Did you do this?

No. It's just coincidence, I swear.

WYATT:
She was even cuter then.

I just figured out how I'm
going to spend my summer.

I am hot for teacher.

She's going to grow up
to be your english teacher.

It's eight years from now.
What can happen?

Hey...

you're missing all the fun.

How come you're inside?
I'm a big, fat loser.

Somebody stole
my snickerdoodles.

No. You hid them under
your mattress, remember?

That's right.

How'd you know?

I'm not just a camp counselor.

I know all about you, because...

I'm your future self come
back in time to help you.

- Help! Help!
- Shh!

I can prove I'm you.
Your middle name is Walter.

- It's on my shirts.
- Your favorite movie is Batman.

- Batman's a stinky old TV show.
- It's going to be a huge movie.

Yeah, right.

Last summer you tuked
in you sock drawer

- and blamed it on the dog.
- You are for real.

How come I haven't seen
you around Hi-de-h* before?

They just sent me up from
counselor training school.

We studied all the basics--
how to make pot holders,

advance "capture the flag"
intensive macaroni collage.

- Hardy, har, har.
- Seriously, I just started this week.

I thought it might be a
cool way to gain some

teaching experience.
I kind of have this dream

to teach high school english
someday and I love to read.

Herman Melville's
my favorite Author

but you probably don't
like any of that stuff.

You can say that again.
I hate to read.

- You do?
- My dad's a professor.

He's always making me read.
He's really strict.

This is the first time I've been
away from home by myself.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I guess he's afraid
I'll meet a boy.

- You know, I'm a boy.
- No?!

Aw, come on. Cheer up.

I'm sorry.
I felt I had to tell you.

But I love wham.
They can't break up.

These things happen.

What other bad things happen?
Is our whole life this sucky?

I know this summer bites,
but it gets better.

There's something that's
going to make this summer k*ller.

It's about a girl you like,
so don't freak-out, okay?

I don't freak-out over girls.

- Hi. Where's your little buddy?
- Freaking-out.

Gary? It's okay.

This is Lisa. In the future
we hang out together.

Really?

Now, how'd a dweeb like
you land a babe like her?

- He made me.
- Good work, my friend.

- [ Laughing ]
- Have you told him yet?

- Told me what?
- Julia Putnum has a big crush on you.

- Sure. Right.
- No. I'm telling you she does.

- She wants your bod.
- I don't believe you.

See that?
She just smiled right at us.

I saw her first, okay?
So just back off.

You don't understand.
I'm here to help you.

I don't like her now.
I liked her then.

- When?
- Now.

My head hurts.

Look. Julia is way into you.
It's a sure thing.

She's just waiting for you to
ask her to be your girlfriend.

- I don't think so.
- Look, just talk to her.

- Hi, Julia.
- Hi, Gary.

- You like camp so far?
- It's okay.

- Yeah.
- I made a key ring for my mom.

I made a bottle opener
for my dad.

Well, maybe I'll see you around.

Okay.

- So, how'd it go?
- I didn't puke.

I make me so proud.

You make me crazy when
you call me "teacher".

- Sorry about that.
- No. I like it.

"Teacher."

Lisa, what's the future like?
Can cars fly?

No, but we've got
fat-free cheese.

Little "G", you know
what you're going to do.

Tomorrow night you're going
to show up at Julia's cabin

with flowers, and ask her
to the camp cookout, right?

[ Knocking ]

Hey, look. It's a note.

Oh, my God! The note!
I forgot about the note!

It's from Julia.
She says she wants to meet me.

It's a trick. Scanlon wrote it.

- She does like me.
- It's a set-up!

- The paper even smells like her.
- Are you even listening?

- I'm coming, Julia!
- Wait, you pinhead

It's a trap.

Lisa, please, you got to help me.

Scanlon is going to string me
up and slap a sock on me.

You got to turn this around.
You're asking me

to use my magic to humiliate
an eight-year-old child?

He's almost nine.
Besides, he deserves this.

It's been eight years.
Let it go.

That's why I came back.

I thought you came to
help little Gary get Julia.

Sure, that's part of it,
but I'd love to nail Scanlon.

Okay. It's done.

Go admire your handiwork but
then, can we get out of here?

SCANLON: Somebody untie me.

Hey, what's going on here?

- Come on. Let me go.
- Looks like your little plan backfired.

Maybe next time you'll
think twice before

you mess with Gary Walter Wallace--
cootie-head.

- I got your note.
- Huh?

- Want to take a walk or something?
- Okay.

I think my work here is done.

The look on Scanlon's face--

It was perfect.

I've been waiting for
that moment my whole life.

I hope going back didn't
somehow mess up the present.

One small change in the
past could trigger huge

changes in the present
my life feels the same.

Yeah, everything
looks the same to me.

- What?
- Uh...

Uh-uh, he'll freak.
So, how did everything go

witrh your 16-year-old
english teacher?

Great. Just sorry I didn't have
a chance to say good-bye.

- Just as well.
- Hi, Gary.

- Hey, guys.
- Julia.

I told Jim and Molly we're
going to bag on tonight.

Do you want to catch
a movie instead?

Sure, a movie's good.

A little time alone
with my girlfriend Julia.

Oops. Sorry, Julia.

Mop-top.

- Barbie.
- Oh...

- Is that Scanlon?
- What a jerk.

Really? You think so?

High school dropout.
Hardly ever bathes.

I'd say he gets
the local loser award.

See you tonight.

Oops. now look what
I've gone and done.

His life's a mess.
You've ruined his life.

He used to be star athlete
and an honor student.

Guys like Scanlon are all the
same-- good looking, arrogant.

They think they can
do anything they want.

He deserves whatever he gets.

Got. Was going to be getting.

- Ms. Wellman?
- Wyatt, come on in.

What can I do for you?

I wanted to talk to you
about my writing assignment.

I was thinking about
my first dating experience.

I'm having a little troubled
getting started though.

Do you have any specially
fond memories

of your first boyfriend?

My first boyfriend. Yes, I do.

I have very fond memories of him.

Derek. We met when we
were seniors in high school.

No, no, no. Before that.

Do you have any memorable,
say, summer romances?

Lots of them, sure.

There was Vince, Joe,
Dominic, James, Patrick.

And there was this one
boy from Camp Wackadoo.

- Hi-de-h*.
- He was my first kiss--

So sweet, so tender.
We were together

only a short time but the
brevity of our romance

was matched only but its passion.

He disappeared without
ever saying farewell.

Pity. I was willing to give
my whole self over to him.

- You mean...?
- Yes, I was his for the taking.

- [ Whimpers ]
- It's just as well.

Neither of us were
prepared to handle

that kind of responsibility.

You kind of remind me
of him, Wyatt.

Except he had black hair.

Ah!

What twisted wrinkle
in time did this?

- You care to explain?
- You're traveling through time.

There are hazards.

A follicle discoloration
happens to be one of them.

But blonde?

See you then, okay? Bye.

Julia. Oh, guess what?

My folks are going out tonight.

I thought we could rent
a movie, and I don't know--

do what boyfriends
and girlfriends do.

Wait, Gary.
I want to say something.

sh**t.

We've been together
for a long time.

Now that I know you,
it's time we moved on

to the next step
in our relationship.

- Sex?
- Seeing other people.

- What kind of step is that?
- The right one.

I'm sorry, Gary.
We've outgrown each other.

You'll divvy up your time
between me and everybody else?

Nope.

Julia...

- I've lost my Julia.
- You can't be that bummed.

Technically you barely knew her.

It's the principle of the thing.

I was supposed to get her.

That's why we changed the past.

Changing the past doesn't matter

if you weren't meant
to be with her.

You meddled with time
and all you did was ruin

- Jeremy Scanlon's life.
- I refuse to feel guilty.

Scanlon didn't feel guilty
for ruining my life.

Gary, look at this.

This is what Scanlon use to be.

Gary, it was great seeing you.
Have a fine day.

This is what Scanlon is now.

If you don't reverse
what you've done,

this is what he'll become.

You know what you have to do.

You got to send me back
in time to yesterday

so I can dump Julia
before she dumps me.

- Gary.
- I know.

I got to go back
and fix everything

let him get the girl and
tie me naked to a tree.

- That's a great idea.
- What?

I mean the going-back part.
I'll go with you.

It's okay.
You don't have to come.

No, no, no, I insist.
We can spend the night.

- You're a true friend, Wyatt.
- Yeah.

I want to be there for you.
Just give me two minutes.

I want to slap on some cologne.

What a guy.

You have no idea
what's going on, do you?

I don't understand.
She said she loved me.

- Poor, little guy.
- Don't worry. I'll get over it.

I can't imagine anything
more humiliating.

- I can.
- I'm off to met Rhonda.

Wish me luck. How do I look?

Uh... you smell great.