04x18 - Family Affair

[bunniefuu]

You make man?

No.

Woman.

Woman.

It's my creation.

Ooh, my creation.

It's my creation.

And

why don't people understand?

It's alive!

Alive!

Dad, could you get that?

It's my date.

Hmm.

And be nice for once.

What does she mean?

I'm always nice.

Though I swear I think
she picks these brain-dead

drool boys just to
get a rise out of me.

Holy mother of God.

Mr. Dreesen.

Gary.

I'm here to pick up Jenny.

Dreesen?

Jenny?

I'm afraid you got the wrong house,
son.

I know Dreesen's here.

Hey, it's the love machine.

How was your date with Jenny?

The date was fine.

It was the pre-date festivities that blew.

Her parents hate me.

Oh, that's no problem.

All I have to do is... My boy!

Can you keep it down out here?

I'm trying to read.

Chet, how can you stand that god-awful
stench?

Well, it was tough at first.

But I've gotten used to your concentrated
puke-like essence.

I'm talking about your stupid cigars.

They make me sick.

Oh.

Do they?

Bad move.

If there's anything
else that upsets your

delicate constitution,
be sure to let me know.

That... that big Mr. Stinky.

Doesn't he know how bad cigar smoke is for
you?

Are you kidding?

When he was eight, he
was drummed out of the

Christmas pageant for
lighting up behind the manger.

No one could make that man stop smoking.

No one.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I'm not no one.

Hello?

Remember me?

My little problem?

You were saying?

Oh, right.

Well, if you want Jenny's family to like
you, consider it done.

What the hell are you doing here?

When you could be inside with the rest of
us!

Come on in, Gary!

Hey, everybody!

Gary's here!

Gary!

Gary!

Oh, Gary!

Oh, he's a daddy daddy daddy daddy!

But sometimes if I brush my hair too
briskly, my scalp bleeds.

But I'm getting off the subject.

Yes, I am a natural blonde.

Whoa!

Uh, Gary?

Are you ready to go?

You bet.

Why don't you stay in tonight?

We got Jenga!

No, thanks.

Come on, Gary.

Your father wasn't talking to you,
dear.

Gary... Jenga?

As much as I'd like to, Mrs. D.

Jen and I have got big plans tonight.

Maybe next time.

It's a date!

Right.

Yeah, right.

We'll pencil it in or something.

Come on, Gary, let's smote her.

What?

The white coat, which is a medium length
hair, is distinguished, of course, by the.

..

Come on, Mittens.

You're the man.

Kick that Persian p*ssy's a*s.

I've got that tobacco-smoking jerk on my
scope.

Range, ten yards.

It appears to be having some problems.

No, Mittens.

Not a hairball.

Not now!

Ready to fire, Ensign?

Lise, give it up.

It's never gonna work.

Silence, Ensign.

We'll have you keel home.

Fire one!

Chester P. Donnelly.

Rid yourself of this unholy
addiction now, or I will strip

the flesh from your bones and
feed on the ashes of your soul.

I guess that's it for these freakin' cat
shows.

Rats!

I hate to say I told you, Syl.

I'm just warming up.

Uh, excuse me.

Aren't you Wyatt, uh, Gary's friend?

Uh, yes.

We're the Dreesons.

Oh, sure.

Uh, Jenny's family.

I've heard a lot about you.

Really?

Gary talks about us.

So what does he say?

Oh, he says that you're really nice.

Did you hear that, Grandma?

Oh, Gary thinks we're really nice.

Oh, Gary.

Oh, Gary nice.

So, Wyatt, tell us, do you think Gary
likes us?

Does Gary like you?

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

What we mean is, does Gary like us?

Or does he like us?

Like us.

Uh...

Got a note for you, big guy.

Gary, they were asking some really weird
questions about you.

Like what?

They wanted to know if you liked them.

So?

No.

No.

I mean, like them, like them, get it?

So they're a little friendlier than what I
was sh**ting for.

But it sure beats getting a cold shoulder
every time I pick up Jenny.

Don't worry, it's not gonna get weird or
anything.

Oh, it's for you.

Can't wait to see you tonight.

Excellent.

Love, the Dreesons.

Okay.

Maybe a little weird.

Oh, tell us again, Gary.

How big?

Oh, about eight, nine inches.

That's big, that's huge, big.

But it still put up quite a fight for a
smallmouth bass.

Hey, you think Jenny's ready?

Who knows?

Who cares?

Hey, didn't anyone hear me yelling?

I've been locked in the bathroom for over
an hour.

Sorry, Princess, didn't hear a thing.

What was this chair doing wedged under the
doorknob?

I was wondering where I left that.

Come on, Gary, let's go.

Oh, thanks, guys, it's been real.

What are we gonna do, Carl?

Our daughter is ruining everything.

It's time to play hardball.

So, you don't find it strange that my
parents suddenly...

you know, actually like you?

I'm told I make a great second impression.

And it's not like they like me like me.

Mom?

Dad?

What are you guys doing here?

We're here to warn Gary about the kind of
girl you really are.

This isn't gonna be easy, son,
but the truth never is.

What are you talking about?

What are you doing with my diary?

We'll ask the questions, young lady.

Read it, Mom.

Put the screws to help.

October 2nd, dear diary.

I finally met the boy guaranteed to make
my parents freak.

His name is Gary Wallace.

Did you write that?

That is private.

Give it back to me.

October 4th, dear diary.

Gary kisses like a bloated leech.

Okay, maybe I did write that stuff,
but it's supposed to be private, okay?

I don't know what's gotten into all you
people, but it's way too freaky for me.

I'm out of here.

It's okay.

I always thought you could do better.

Oh, you poor dear.

You must feel terrible.

Why don't you let us, you know,
take you home?

Okay.

Good morning, sleepyhead.

We brought you breakfast.

Look, this is nuts!

I don't know how you people got past my
mom, but this has to end.

You can't just come into my room and...

Ooh, sugar chunks, waffles, Scrapple,
all my favorites.

We know!

Okay.

I gotta tell you.

That just freaked me out.

Look, you're all nice people.

And I don't wanna hurt you or anything.

This is just sick.

I mean, I'm not even dating your daughter
anymore.

We know!

No, stop that.

This isn't right.

You gotta go away.

Just leave me alone.

If that's what you want, Gary.

It's too bad, though.

We had a big day planned.

Big day?

The first stop was going to be the mall.

We were going to buy you a whole new
wardrobe.

Really?

And then we were going to buy you a brand
new camcorder.

Heck, maybe a whole entertainment center.

Who knows?

Entertainment center?

Why don't you tell him how we were going
to get to the stereo store, hon?

In your brand new car!

Well...

What do you say, Tiger?

Dad!

Mom!

Come here, Knucklehead!

Who knows?

Who knows?

Who knows where we look WILDADE whenever
she is.

Who

knows who's ever been thinking.

Who knows how most
man are... Who knows?

Who knows?!

How can we treat her... Not
a concrete scene in the hall.

Oh, he is unbelievable.

You know, he may feel good now,
but what about in the future?

Ooh, there's a thought.

I am the you of the future, sent back to
the past to warn the you of the present,

which happens to be the past of my future.

I mean, your future, my past.

I'm speaking not of your past,
future, but of our future, future past.

And, uh... Oh, crap.

I used to have this little chart.

You mean you've come
back from the future to

warn me about something
like in the Terminator?

Yes.

Time out, Tin Man.

If you've come back through time,
why aren't you naked?

I am.

Ooh.

So, I think you see my problem.

It's those cigars you're smoking.

If you continue to abuse your body,
it will rot away, reducing you to the mass

of pistons, gears, and servos you see
before you now.

No.

No.

Seriously.

Who are you?

I am the you of the future, sent back to
the past.

Okay.

Okay.

I believe you.

Yeah.

Pretty pathetic, huh?

I don't know.

Tell me.

Future me.

You get a lot of chicks.

I do all right.

I bet you do.

Just look at you.

Oh, I bet you can bench press 300 pounds.

Well, 500 actually.

Yeah, yeah.

How fast can you run?


So you're telling me, I keep smoking these
babies, I'm gonna end up just like you.

A high-speed power-lifting babe magnet.

Well, basically, but cool.

Well, sure.

What the hell?

After all, I'm practically immortal.

Future Chet?

Who knew he'd be such a stud?

Thanks, guys.

Vegas was a gas.

A gas?

A gas.

You can't swing.

Hey, and I mean that.

So, we'll meet you after school.

At our special little place.

You got it.

And if Mortal Kombat's taken, see if you
can snag k*ller Instinct.

Absolutely have.

Mortal Kombat's taken, k*ller Instinct.

Don't forget.

Goodbye.

That was the sickest thing I've ever seen.

Lighten up.

This wish is working out great.

Thanks, Lise.

Gary, you're dating a family.

I'm not exactly bursting with pride.

You're taking advantage of these people.

Am not.

Hey, if it makes them happy to shower me
with love and affection and really

excellent presents, then who am I to deny
them?

It's a victimless crime.

Gary Wallace, I don't know what kind of
sick mind game you've been playing with my

family, but you've got them convinced that
you're this great guy.

Jen?

Thanks to you, my family is bankrupt.

I'm sorry.

I had no idea.

Stay away from my family from now on.

Isn't that my grandmother's ring?

I was supposed to wear that on my wedding
day.

Victimless?

Do the right thing, Ringo.

Break up with them.

We need to talk.

Oh.

Oh, sure, Gary.

What about?

These past couple of days have been
special.

Very special.

But I think we need some time apart.

We were apart yesterday morning.

That's true.

But I think we need, like,
a whole lot of yesterday

mornings, all strung
together, end to end, forever.

Are you breaking up with us?

It just wasn't meant to be.

Gary.

Are you seeing another family?

It's the Pattersons, isn't it?

The Pattersons?

I've seen how you look at their Range
Rover.

Their swimming pool.

Their big screen TV.

All this time.

You've been wishing you were with the
Pattersons, haven't you?

I feel dirty.

Look.

I think it would be good if you started
seeing other kids.

But where does that leave us?

I'm sorry.

I never meant to hurt you.

Yeah, but you did.

It hurts Gary.

It hurts bad.

We thought this was a real thing.

We were even thinking of starting a family
with you.

But you are a family.

Look.

You'll be okay.

It's a big neighborhood.

Fine.

If this is how it has to be.

One last hug.

Sure.

Hey.

I thought I told you to stay away from
them.

Come on.

Jenny.

It's not what you think.

We were just saying goodbye.

It's over between us.

We're finished.

You better have a damn good reason for
nuzzling me, boy.

I do.

You were in love with me.

And I was just rejecting you.

And did you let me down easy?

Uh.

I tried to be very gentle.

You get the hell out of my house.

He's wearing grandma's ring.

Get this out of the beach.

Here.

They're all yours.

You know, if that was anybody but me,
I'd be pissed.

Man, I can't look to be you.

Can't blame you, good looking.

All right.

Who wants to get interactive?

All you got to do is point and click.

Hey.

Hey.

Come on.

Snap out of it.

I don't believe this.

He's gone.

How could he die?

I thought he was almost immortal.

Oh, my God.

How could I have been so blind?

I see it now.

It's these damn cigars.

This k*ller wheat we call tobacco.

I keep smoking.

I'm dead.

Whoo!

Took long enough for that bag up long to
kick in.

Light.

You betcha.

Ooh.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

It's science.

Fantasy and microchips.

Shootin' from the hip.

Something different.

Well, make it weird.

Science!

Pictures from a magazine.

bits and pieces, bits and pieces.

This is my creation.

Is it real?

It's my creation.

Why do I know that?

Why don't people understand my intentions?