01x08 - Escape from Squatopian Freedom

[bunniefuu]

Xavier: [ thinking ] certain

Days scald the soul with a

Searing ember, like tuesdays and

Today -- the

20Th anniversary of my father's

m*rder.

Each year, I mourn by reliving

Our last day together.

I'll take a cotton candy,

Please.

Do you want one, dad?

Dad? Dad!

Don't make this poor, pathetic

Vendor wait.

Every year, this guy!

Xavier: [ thinking ] I've no

Known joy since my father was

Scorched alive, blanched from

The clutches of my heart.

Daddy, take my picture with

The funny man!

Xavier: [ thinking ] I shall

Never smile again.

Smile.

For this trick, I need a

Victim -- I mean, volunteer.

Look-see, honeybee.

Hey, what about you?

Xavier: I'm a victim.

Just stand right there.

I'll shed some light on the

Situationism.

Hot potato, two potato, three

Potato not.

Four potato, hot potato, six

Potato, eight.

Xavier: who did this to you

Guys?!

Our son.

Xavier: I know it was arson

[Our son] dad, but who did it?!

Daddy! I shall venge thee!

Six potato, eight.

Whoo! Hot nuts for sale! Youch!

Want to kiss my boo-boo, make I

Better?

Thank you!

I don't get paid down here a

The wharf, so give what you can.

Hot potato!

Xavier: how dare you attemp

To tame dame flame!

She shall burn thee, I promise

Thy.

No, oh, no, fire is a

Tactical, majestical force -- a

Swirling, shimmering, succulen

Dance in that luminous nether

Mention twixt light and heat.

Fire is freedom personified.

Xavier: no! Fire should be

Shot in the back of the head for

k*lling my parents.

I vow to never rest until I've

Found my father's slayer.

What about your mother?

Xavier: she knows what she's

Done.

So, if you don't get paid down

Here at the wharf, how do you

Pay rent?

[ Scoffs ]

I'm too unique to pay rent!

I'm punk rock personified.

If I need money, I sell my seed,

And I live in squatopia.

Don't tell me you've never heard

Of squatopia.

As soon as you pass this line,

You will enter squatopia -- a

Fully self-sustained, anarchis

Commune, a land with no rules

And no laws to bind and restric

The soul and the heart.

Freedom personified.

Squatters' rights!

So long, square!

Xavier: that guy just stole

My significant crystal.

That's impossible, brah.

There's no stealing here, for

This is squatopia!

Xavier: I know.

That other guy told me.

You knew, brah, and you still

Made me do that ridiculous

Introduction, dude?!

You sick sack of -- you're all

Right.

Gooble-gobble.

Let me show you around.

Xavier: I really just need my

Crystalline necklace back.

Yep, we were the first to

Squat a whole town, brah.

Okay, these are the crash

Couches.

Rip some z's, if you please.

This is the freedom fountain and

The public toilet.

Hey, squatters' rights!

All: squatters' rights!

Xavier: yeah, but, you see,

The crystal belonged to my

Father.

He was m*rder*d.

This is the wreck [rec]

Center, brah, where we wreck

Things.

And over there, that's

Chinatown.

Hey, squatters' rights!

You get out of here now!

Only one rule here, brah --

No rules.

Anyone caught with rules has to

Wear the scarlet "f."

Fascist.

Xavier: that crystal is the

Most important

Two potato.

Xavier: thing in my life.

If I need any cash, I jus

Sell my seed, brah.

If I'm really desperate, I

Scrape the seed off the couches

And sell it.

One day, we'll squat the globe.

Xavier: the thief had a

Unicycle.

Did you see him?

That was puggler.

You should have asked me before.

You'll never catch up to brah

Now.

He went to b.m.

Xavier: in the freedom

Fountain?

No, burning man.

Actually, this year, we're no

Gonna be sexist.

We're calling it burning person.

In today's day and age, women

Can be set on fire, too.

Hey, meet a dude brah of mine.

This is 'tude. 'Tude, brah.

What's up, broham?

Thanks for coming, man.

Listen, you got to get me out of

Here!

I'm going stir crazy with all

This freedom!

I'm smothering here, man!

Xavier: I've got my own

Problems, lady.

I'm sick of living off my

Seed.

I want to work with my hands.

I got to shake these shackles of

Anarchy.

Xavier: why don't you jus

Leave?!

If I leave, that's a choice,

Man.

I can't stand any more choices.

You got to break me out, man!

Sneak me into a prison.

Xavier: I'll smuggle you ou

Of here if you show me the way

To burning person, to find my

Crystal.

But I can't go there.

It's too free.

I crave structure.

Xavier: well, the effigy a

Burning person is the bigges

Structure in north america.

I'll get us there by way of

Underground railroad.

Deal. Start digging.

Xavier: that's not the way an

Underground railroad works.

We need money for shovels.

Give me some pocket dollars.

I don't even have pockets.

Xavier: then go sell some of

Your seed.

That would be a choice,

Fascist!

Why don't you sell your seed?!

Xavier: ma'am, I'd like to

Make some seed money.

Hello? I'd like to peddle my

Puddle, ma'am.

Yoo-hoo! I'd like to hawk my

Loogie.

[ Scoffs ] we pay by the cup

Or by the noseful.

Xavier: um, cup, please.

I'm kind of nervous.

I've never plopped my glopper.

Been saving myself for marriage

Or at least consent.

Don't worry, it doesn't hurt.

Take these and go into stall 3.

Xavier: huh!

I wonder what's inside these

Saucy magazines anyway.

Ohh!

Oh, rubislaw!

I really was backed up.

[ Whimpering ]

Xavier: get off me!

[ Whimpering ]

Xavier: go on!

Get out of here! Scram!

[ Panting ]

Xavier: this isn't fetch.

Get lost.

Sorry, I couldn't get any tools.

Cool, dude!

You brought a buddy along for

The trip.

Come, buddy.

Xavier: I'm not bringing tha

Johnny-come-lately with us.

Well, he could dig for us.

So, what's so special about tha

Crystal anyways, brah?

Xavier: what's that necklace,

Daddy?

It represents my feelings for

You.

Xavier: where'd you get it?

What's that necklace, daddy?

I'll give it to you when you

Become a [echoing] man.

Well, at least you had a dad.

I never knew mine.

Sometimes I think the structure

I truly crave is the family

Structure.

Xavier: shut it.

We must have connected to an

Existing tunnel system.

Maybe this is the original

Underground railroad.

[ Mumbling ]

Dude, there's an old sl*ve

Still hiding down here.

That's hard-core, man.

[ Mumbling ]

He must be 187 years old.

I'm gonna call you 187, 'cause

It's 187 on the mother-loving

Right, up top?

[ Mumbling ]

I totally know what you wen

Through, man.

I was a sl*ve to tv for a while,

And then I was a sl*ve to pop

Culture, and I craved the grave.

Total bummage, man.

Xavier: can we get going?

Man, I must have wolfed a

Mind burrito 'cause I just had a

Massive brain fart.

We got to take 187 with us to

Burning person!

He said he's never partied

Before.

What better party than the

Ultimate party?!

[ Mumbling ]

We're gonna go to

Burning person, he's gonna ge

His dad's crystal, you're gonna

Get to freedom, I'm gonna ge

The structure I crave.

[ Whimpers ]

What's that, little fella?

[ Whimpers ]

And we're gonna get this

Little guy laid.

[ Mumbling ]

[ Whimpers ]

[ Laughter ]

Oh, man, I'm getting in the

Bubbler!

Sweet!

Oh, my god, dude, that was so

Dope!

Burning person rules!

Wait!

Did you touch soap, dude?!

No-o-o!

Dude!

Okay, you find puggler, and I'm

Gonna go find the structure.

Man, where's 187?

This guy is sl*ve to the

Beats, man!

Xavier: get away from me!

Have you seen puggler, the

Punk-rock juggler?

He's wearing a top hat.

I think I saw him over there.

Xavier: puggler!

Who's puggler?

I'm pester, the punk-rock jester

Who lives off his seed.

Xavier: puggler?

No, brah, I'm junk, the

Juggling punk who lives off his

Seed.

Xavier: I'm looking for

Puggler.

I think he took off, man, to

Go to burning person or

Something.

Xavier: we're a

Burning person.

I went to burning person this

Year?

Such a structure, bro.

This is just what I needed for

Fulfillage.

This year, we can truly leave

No trace on the playa, with the

De-garbage eco-vaporizer.

Oh, dope!

I want to leave no trace!

What a grea

Environmentalist.

He went off the grid.

Won't you go off the grid?

Dude! Dude!

I've been looking all over for

You!

I intuited you'd be here, 'cause

I know how you crave structure.

There's something I have to tell

You.

I'm your father.

I have a dad!

I'm a puggler by blood!

A puggler!

And, mostly, I wanted to give

You this precious heirloom.

It's been in the family for as

Long as I can remember righ

Now.

Xavier: the serpentine

Crystal!

I can't accept this for

Myself, 'cause I hate you, dad!

You're smothering me, man!

Just get off my back!

Give me space, fascist!

Xavier: [ echoing ] no!

[ Panting ]

Xavier: your spunk in the

Face of my cruelty has made me

Realize that I haven't been a

Good father to you.

From now on, every day, I'm

Going to tell you about the

Birds and the bees.

But, like, the bees are

Totallythat butthole.

And now you are a [echoing] man.

Hey, everybody!

Me and 187 are getting hitched!

Never thought that sl*ve

Would get tied down.

Hey, everybody, they're

Igniting the effigy!

[ Panting ]

[ Crowd cheering ]

We're all special!

We're all part of this!

This is more like it!

Burning people!

This is democracy

Personified!

Me, me, me!

How do you suppose this

Happened anyway?

I think it was arson.

Xavier: it was my son.

[ Scoffs ]

Where does this vaporizer stuff

Go anyway?

Go, planet, man!

I think I'll make myself a

Home, brah.

[ Mumbling ]

Sorry, brah brah, have to ask

You to bail.

I got here first.

[ Echoing ] squatters' rights!

Three potato, nine.

It's my squatter's right to

Life.

[ Punk rock plays indistinctly ]

Yeah.

Xavier: [ echoing ] no!