Star-crossed lovers
on a moonlit drive
Dual crossed pistols
where the dual is live
You've never telling
me what's on your mind
That's love,
love, love, love
That's love
I seen you swimming
and my sweet Lucile
Break your heart
like the seventh seal
'Cause every word I'm
singing is the way you feel
That's love
Love, love, love
That's love
Love, love, love
Come change this way of life
That's love, that's love
Words in heaven
sparking down in tree
All the people down
upon their knees
Lodge run our
enemies into the sea
That's love
Love, love, love
That's love
Love, love, love
White candles,
sweet red wine
Drink when the moon is high
You've never felt so fine
That's love
Love, love, love, love, love
That's love
That's love
Ah.
You're the fellow I spoke
with on the telephone.
Is that right?
You are?
Please call me Harold.
I like that name.
Please sit.
You don't say much do you?
I'm not here to talk.
Yes, that's right.
Can I offer you anything,
a tea, coffee or something
a little stronger perhaps?
An explanation as to why
I'm here would be lovely.
And would you like
a biscuit with that?
Please, I'm an old man,
you're making my neck click.
Please, sit down, will you?
So, what am I gonna
be calling you?
You'll be referring
to me as Harold.
It's only polite that
I know your name also.
You do have one, don't you?
You can call me Goose.
Goose.
Like one of those big
flappy bird things.
Yeah, like a big
flappy bird thing.
Let's get down to business.
First things first,
when do I get my money?
Oh, I do like you,
you remind me of one of
those gangster fellows
with the little
Tommy g*n and cigar.
Stick 'em up.
When we'll get paid?
Okay, Mr. Grumpy,
half of the money is in the
envelope above the fire,
the rest you will get
once you have finished
the job at hand.
So lemme get this straight.
You're gonna pay me 20
grand to stay here with you
'til 3:00 a.m.
tomorrow morning, yeah?
I'm paying you to keep me alive.
If I am still alive by
3:00 a.m. tomorrow morning
your job here is done.
Okay, someone's
trying to k*ll you.
I'm gonna need a bit more here.
My dear Goosey, Goosey,
we have been through all
this on the telephone.
All you have to do is
to sit here with me
until the hour of 3:00 a.m.
and to make sure
that I do not die.
There is only me and
your good self here
and nobody from the outside
world is expected to join us.
Wait a second, you listen
mate, I'm not a f*cking doctor.
No, no, no, I'm not ill.
Yes, I'm feeling the
pains of the aging process
but I expect to see
out the evening.
I thought you expect to die.
I won't die, you're here.
f*cking hell.
I give up.
You're mental.
Do you mind if I have a f*g?
I'd rather you didn't.
My dolls dresses tend to
attract unpleasant odors.
It's an unholy job
getting them clean.
What did you bring with you?
A jigsaw perhaps.
I do love a good jigsaw.
Or, or maybe a coloring book.
You're mental.
Oh, you brought your Tommy g*n.
It's not a Tommy g*n.
Did you bring a jigsaw?
Why would I bring
a f*cking jigsaw?
You hired a hit man.
I brought a g*n not
a f*cking jigsaw.
Now can you just
shut the f*ck up now?
You're doing my head in.
So what's the crack
with you then?
You live in this big
house on your own?
All right, you can
unzip now, yeah.
Ah, that's better.
Yes, I live here alone.
The house was passed down
through the generations.
See, I don't see much
of it these days though.
Although I still hear it,
the creeks from every room.
I remember it fondly.
What about you?
Tell me about Mr. Goosey
For starters, you don't
call me Mr. Goosey.
And we weren't talking
about me either.
You're so lucky having
a name like Goose.
It's obviously not
my real name, is it?
I k*ll people for a living.
Like, honestly,
no more questions now, yeah.
How about we play
with your jigsaw?
It's not a f*cking,
I swear to God, right,
the best chance you've
got of f*cking dying
is me smashing a
vase over your head.
It's 11:00 p.m.
We've got four more
hours of this sh*t.
From now on, no
more bullshit, yeah.
Do forgive me Mr. Goosey.
I have been known to
waffle on occasion.
But while I enjoy my solitude,
I rarely get the chance
to speak to people.
In fact, since I spoke
to you yesterday,
I haven't spoken
to a single soul
since this very
same time last year.
I do enjoy a good story though.
I have thousands of books here
and they all tell
a thousand stories.
There's no books here Harold.
Yes there are.
Look.
Look on that shelf
just above you.
Oh, there's four books
there, aren't there,
not a thousand.
Pass one to me, will you?
Sadly I'm unable to stand.
Yeah, pass it over, will you?
Here, you see,
these are my books.
Every headline you see
here real life stories
that have happened.
From these vague headlines,
I can make my own stories.
There's so many headlines
that conjure a
million possibilities.
We get to delve into the people
that make our society a
rather interesting place.
This world is a weird and
wonderful one, Mr. Goosey Gander.
There's so many things
that happen that you
or I will never know about.
Creatures of the night
powers we cannot see,
monsters that will only
haunt your nightmares
until you are staring
face to face with one.
And then of course the
most dangerous one of all,
the human mind.
Don't I know it.
Would you like to hear one?
I've got a feeling you're gonna
tell me anyway, ain't you?
Well this one looks interesting.
"A human skeleton found
dumped in a river."
"Police have no clue."
Blah blah blah.
But I know the real reason.
Listen.
It was one cold Halloween night.
The streets were alive with
goblins, witches and ghouls.
The smell of the
burning jack-o'-lantern
was wafting through the air as
the devil's night had begun.
Bill, Billy.
Come closer, I
got something for you.
Where have you been?
I hope you brought
some beer mate.
This place is.
Ah.
Are you pissed?
It's only,
what's it 8:00 p.m.
What, you thirsty?
Party's sh*t.
It's a bit sh*t.
It's a bit sh*t man.
Can't have you being sober
on your birthday now, can we?
Oh I nearly forgot.
Happy birthday Billy.
Yeah, happy birthday mate.
You don't get a kiss from me.
Can you guess what I am?
You are wearing a monk costume
so I'm guessing she's a monk.
Try vampire.
Vampires don't wear robes.
Oh and who asked you?
Anyway, we bought
them in The Slayers.
Let's be honest, we
all look a bit sh*t.
I will drink to that.
Oh you'll be lucky in here.
Hey bro, tell Billy
about the private party.
Private party?
Yes.
Yeah?
A friend of a friend
has invited us
to a private Halloween
party at Southern Hall.
Southern Hall?
Holy sh*t.
-Pretty cool, huh?
-That's massive.
We have to go.
Yeah.
How did you get an
invite for that?
It's not what you know.
Do you see how I look after you?
Halloween and birthday
drinks in a stately home
with my beautiful stepsister.
Aw.
Fetching us drinks
all night long.
Uh, how about affect you a
kick in the bullocks instead?
What are we waiting for then?
Hey, let's go.
Let's go.
Just here, mate.
You know me?
You need booze mate,
you need booze.
Wow.
That's awesome.
They will definitely have beer.
All right.
Let's go.
Can I help you?
Yes, Sophie and Kirk Martin.
And we brought along our
friend Billy Parsons.
Please enjoy your evening.
What the hell is this?
Extravagant, huh?
Extravagant?
Are you sure we got
in the right place?
It don't look like much
of a Halloween party.
I feel a bit overdressed.
Did you know any of these?
Not a soul.
They all look good
fun though, right.
Where's a booze?
We couldn't be more
outta place if we tried.
Oh, it's pretty
good though, right?
Yeah, it's good and everything.
It's just very weird.
It's not very Halloweeny is it?
Oh, Halloweeny, is that a word?
Oh look at this lot.
These are respectable
people Billy boy.
They must be like what in
their 60s or something?
It'd be weird if they
are dressed as zombies.
I thought they were.
Oh you'll be that old one day.
I hope not.
Right, I'm gonna
have a look around,
maybe pull myself a push
granny, bit of experience.
Every hours a goal.
Do you really have
to talk like that?
It's just a figure of speech.
Women you say far worse than
that, when they get together.
And how would you know?
We know.
Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Go get 'em tiger.
Oh, thank you man, thank you.
Cheers.
It's a great place isn't it?
Sorry sir, this
door's not in use.
That's fine.
Here he is, the birthday boy.
Ah, Mr. Parsons.
An honor to meet you sir.
Well if you all excuse me,
I have matters to attend to.
You having fun mate?
Who was that?
I don't know, just some guy.
Oh it was lovely.
You all right mate?
You do look a bit rough.
Who are these people?
What do you mean?
Oh, what's up?
Are you not having fun?
Fun?
Fun?
You're calling this fun.
Are we at the same party?
What is the matter with you two?
It's just something
a bit different.
Oh, lighten up grumpy chops.
It's your 30th birthday,
try and enjoy it.
I feel like everyone's
looking at me.
You're dressed as
a zombie, Billy.
This is different.
It's like looking at me
but they're looking
straight through me.
Listen Kirk, right, we're
finished with this party,
let's go back to the
other party please.
And it just take some
and we'll go back there.
There's no way that
party's still going?
Listen, let's have a few
more glasses of free punch
and then we can head
off, find a club open.
Deal?
Okay.
One hour and I'm gone.
Deal.
Oh, you should take it easy.
You're not gonna do your
stomach cyst any good.
It's never bothered it before.
Listen mate, me and Sophie
are going outside for a smoke.
You coming?
You know I packed in.
Anyway, I'm having
too much fun in here.
Oh moan, moan, moan.
See you in a bit then bud.
Yeah.
Come on.
Who is it, that
you are looking at?
Don't I fit into
your posh git club.
Oh, bless you my dear.
I was just commenting on on
your hair, with my husband.
You have such lovely
hair for a young man.
When you're surrounded
by white hair all night,
it's rather refreshing to see
hair that isn't dead or fake.
I am so sorry.
It's okay dear.
It's okay.
You are correct though.
We are old gits.
Oh, you need to talk
for yourself dear.
Yeah old git.
Please forgive me
'cause I'm really drunk.
Why don't you stay and
have a drink with us
before your friends
come back in?
It's very kind.
I'm gonna meet 'em,
'cause I could do some
fresh air, you know.
All right dear.
Have a nice rest of the evening.
And happy birthday.
Thank you.
Where are they?
Sorry sir?
Can you let me out please?
I'm sorry sir, these doors
are not in use this evening.
That's bullshit.
Let me out okay.
Tell me how I can.
Does anyone know the
way out at his place?
Hello.
Do you know the way
out of this place.
Hello.
Hello.
Help me, help me.
f*cking knew this.
Let me out.
Let me out this
f*cking building.
Let me, let me out.
Let me out this building.
Help me.
I wanna go home.
I can't f*cking move.
You don't need to move.
You don't need to do
anything ever again.
You have already done
more than enough.
What are you talking about?
Why are there pictures
of me everywhere?
Is this some kind of
birthday surprise?
In a way, yes.
We're here to celebrate
your coming of age.
Coming of age?
I'm 30, I don't know any of
you lot, I can't f*cking move.
Allow me to introduce ourselves.
We are the Gentleman of Horus.
I am number 38.
We are all numbers.
I am number 40.
Then get me number one
because I need to go home.
You don't want to
meet number one.
Please.
I just want to go home.
I can't move my body.
You won't be going home.
Your work stops here.
And may I say what a
fine job you have done.
What are you talking about?
We've been there throughout
your entire life.
The moment you were both born,
Christmas,
holidays to the seaside,
birthdays, first day at school.
We've been there
in your good times
and we've been there
in no bad times.
Whatever you did and
wherever you went,
the Gentlemen were
always watching.
Why?
Why am I so special?
Oh, it's not you who is special.
Although we are
eternally grateful
for being the most
excellent vessel for him.
A vessel for who?
Your brother.
Or as we know him as number 15.
Look,
I don't even have a brother.
This must still be a mistake.
It's a misunderstanding
because I don't have a brother
and I just want to go home.
Please just let me go.
You have carried your
brother for 30 years.
And now it is time for him
to take his rightful place
in this earthly realm
to rule as intended.
Who's that?
What's he gonna do?
What's he doing?
Nobody can hear you, I'm afraid.
Ladies and Gentlemen of Horus,
may we please extend our humble
gratitude to Billy Parsons
for his sterling work.
That was a shot of morphine.
Should make you
feel more relaxed.
Please help.
I won't tell anyone.
I swear, please,
if you let me go,
I won't tell anyone.
-Shh.
Why are you choosing me.
What's this?
Not all the gentlemen
are flesh and blood.
This is number eight.
Inside him dwells a
demon we cannot name.
May I again thank you on
behalf of the gentleman
for your hospitality.
Number eight will now
consume your soul.
Oh.
Help me.
Help me.
Let me out of here please.
Help me.
You're sick in the head mate.
You got all that from a
skeleton found in the river.
It's called reading
between the lines.
It's called bollocks.
It may well be.
But the B word, but,
sometimes if you look hard
enough, you will get one right.
You just have to look.
Huh, sounds like a
storm's closing in.
Eh, it won't be long now.
Have you got a TV?
A TD?
A TV, a television.
Oh, a television set,
no, no, no, I don't have one
of them God awful things.
They make me dizzy.
Who needs a television
when you have books.
But you ain't got no books.
A TV's handy for times like this
when you have to spend
the whole evening
with a f*cking fruitcake.
A TV helps me think.
Yeah but see the
point Gooseberry,
a book teaches you how to think,
a television teaches
you what to think.
Let's see what's next, shall we?
Aha.
Now we get to the wonder
of the human brain.
How one tiny little shift can
cause a normal human being
into doing not so normal
things, despicable things,
while somehow still
holding onto his sanity.
What's the headline.
"Police hunt for
missing landlord."
On the vast wind swept moor,
a troubled soul treads his path.
A grim end awaits that
plays through his head
like a recording.
His broken heart
beats its final rhythm
as he takes his final journey.
Right, let's get you
home, shall we sunshine?
Oh hello Kevin?
Hello Mrs. Bannister.
How's your George doing?
Oh, he's a lot better
since he's at this new hip.
Oh, brilliant.
I ain't seen him about in ages.
Yeah, you send him
my love, won't you?
I will Kevin, thank you.
Anyway I better let you go.
That looks heavy.
It is a bit.
You look after yourself, eh.
Watch how you go.
You all right, love?
Yeah, thanks.
They take forever these
things, don't they?
Yeah.
Do you mind?
It weren't me.
It was.
Sorry.
Hello Kev.
All right, Trip.
Coming through.
Oh yeah.
Stands the
majestic long-legged swan.
What later discovered
to be false.
Let's get you tidied
up, shall we, sunshine?
Hello.
Ladies and gentlemen,
allow me to introduce you
to the newest
member of the g*ng.
This is Fabio.
I'm sure you'll make
him feel very welcome.
Fabio, welcome to the
Super Smooth g*ng.
Fabio, as a now distinguished
member of the Smooth g*ng,
you will receive all the
benefits that go along with it.
One thing you will soon
become accustomed to is this.
Every day is a party day.
There is no room for
boredom in the SSG
nor sad faces nor people
that just aren't fun.
You are all in the SSG
because you are fun.
Right, any questions?
Yes, Sarah
Karaoke's at seven
o'clock, Sarah,
I hope you can belt
out another song.
You got a voice of
an angel, me darling.
Yes, Reg?
Of course there will be beer.
You silly old sag.
It's a Tuesday.
You're gonna really
enjoy yourself.
All right, dad?
Why aren't you at school?
I'm 33.
I know you're 33.
But you said you were gonna
try and educate yourself.
You were gonna go
back for a while
and learn to do
something bloody useful.
What's in there?
A dead pigeon.
A dead pigeon?
Yeah.
What are you doing
with a dead pigeon?
It's for Kev.
Well, what does Kev want
a bloody dead pigeon for?
I don't know.
He just wanted it.
Well it be full of
bloody disease, won't it?
I dunno, will it?
Of course it will,
you bloody knob head.
Do you know what
bird sh*t is called?
It's called guano.
And do you know it's
a deadly poison?
You're carrying a bag of poison
around with you, you knob head.
Am I?
Yes.
You're as thick as
bloody pig sh*t,
I don't know about pigeon sh*t.
Now get it out of here.
Where do I put it?
Take it outside and dump it.
And by the way, tell
the other fella,
hasn't he got a father,
can't he pop in here
every now and again
just to show me that
he's still alive.
How's mum?
She's round the back.
Why don't you ask her sometime?
Be very nice for this
bloody set eyes on you
once in a while.
Yeah, I'll give her a call.
Yes, good.
Can I have a packet of
chicken crisps please?
Oh.
Here, that's all I've got.
Uh, could I borrow your bike?
No, you can't borrow
me bloody bike.
What happened the
last time you took it?
Come back with no bloody
mud guards and a puncture.
Walk, you lazy b*stards.
Psst, psst.
Oy, John.
Oy John.
I thought you were an alien.
No, mate.
I brought you a pigeon.
Ah, cheers mate.
Dead?
Yeah.
Oh, that's a shame.
You still want it?
Yeah mate.
Any, any look yet?
Nah, nothing yet John.
It's just an high bridge.
It's not really a
suicide hotspot.
Just for, you know,
I'll give it a go.
Oh, this looks promising.
Ah.
Must have had a change
of heart, bless him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've gotta go get some
nibbles for tonight.
You coming round about seven?
Yeah.
I'll see, I'll see
you later, Kev.
See you later mate?
Doors closing.
Its diet consists of small fish,
roach, perch and signets.
It uses its long.
-Did you know
they found sparrows
living and breeding
2000 feet underground
in coal mines.
Very adaptable creatures.
I like the yellow ones.
What, them budgie things.
Yeah.
You still got that
picture I gave you?
Where's my manners?
John, meet Gerald.
Gerald, meet John.
Close by
on the riverbank.
All right Gerald?
What do you reckon?
He's good.
Pleasure to meet you.
See friends already.
Sweet.
Here, I've gotta
crack on with doing
a bit of sewing
and swapping about.
Help yourself to a cow biscuit.
All right folks,
we need to swap these
arms around, don't we?
A change is as good as
a rest, as they say.
Slow martial arts.
Deserts.
All right Kev?
All sorted mate.
Just gotta do a bit more
swapping around a bit later.
Do you want a hand with that?
You are joking, aren't you?
Do you remember what
happened last time?
You all right, Leroy,
you having a good day?
Who is it?
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
It's Mr. Sims.
The landlord?
Yeah.
I ain't paid this month's rent.
You've gotta pay rent for this?
Yeah, of course you have.
You don't get nothing
for free, you know John.
What about that lot?
Don't worry about them.
We can sort that now.
You wash and I'll dry.
Not the dishes, Kev, the g*ng.
Nothing like with
having a few friends
staying over, sunshine.
Oh, he's gone.
The common sparrow
often over feed their young
to get them through
the long winter months.
Bugs, spiders and pastures
taking refuge and chimneys.
I got chin hairs braided
but the thinner one
I just take one off the shelf
and it screws right back on
I don't know why I,
I'm made this way
I don't know which
head I'm wearing today
I got the wrong head
baby well you better run
I got 10 heads baby but
they're better than one
I got a sensible head
that I hardly wear
I got a dream in hell with
too much wear and tear
Well my handsome head's
gonna give you a start
Well my frugal hand
don't commit to my heart
But I got 10 heads baby
and they're better than one
I got 10 heads baby but
they're better than one
I got 10 heads baby but
they're better than one
I got 10 heads
Hello Mr. Sims.
How are you doing?
Look about his month's rent.
Right, listen up everybody.
I've got some good news
and I've got some bad news.
The bad news is
the party's over.
The good news is we're
going on holiday.
Yes, that's right.
Pack your trunks, your
mankinis, your bikinis,
grab your Factor 10,
we're going to Rhyl.
Yes.
Hello, hello.
Hello, hello.
Right, listen up everybody.
We got a two hour drive
and we're gonna try and take
a toilet stop along the way.
I know some of
you ain't too good
at keeping the smelly stuff in.
Mention no names, Sheena.
Anyway, this is
now the party bus.
So I want to hear
everyone singing.
One, two, a one,
two, three, four.
We're going two Rhyl
We're going two Rhyl
The Super Smooth g*ng
is going too Rhyl
Hit it John.
What are they up to now?
And then after these.
Have you seen this a lot Marge?
Have you seen these two?
I'm not even gonna say anything.
Where's your
imagination, Goose bump?
For almost every
article you read,
there is always a backstory.
Bloody dancing corpses.
It never happened Harold.
They probably found the
landlord a week later,
shacked up with some bird.
Dancing corpses
in this case, yes,
but you may get a
front page headline
that doesn't even have a
story, let alone a backstory.
Nonsense sells papers, Goose.
Maybe you should write one hey.
Maybe I should Gooseberry.
If you call me something other
than Goose one more time,
I swear to God you'll
be dead by 3:00 a.m.
You young people are
so serious these days.
We used to have
such fun with names.
Horrid Harold is what
they used to call me
before I was a number.
So with a name like Goose, you
would've been very popular.
I'll tell you one
more time, yeah.
Goose isn't my real name.
f*cking Nora.
Well I like Goose.
It's fun.
I like fun names.
Have you got any alcohol
or anything like that?
Yes, there's some brandy
on the shelf I believe.
All right, what bullshit story
are you reading next then?
Oh, you want more, do you?
No, I don't.
Do you know before I got here,
I felt a little bit
guilty about taking money
off a disabled old man.
With every passing minute
and f*cking bullshite story,
I actually feel happy about it.
Good, good.
Now, now let's see
what we can find.
Right here we go.
The headline reads,
"Local jazz band told
to keep down the noise."
What's it called?
Terror from the Skies.
Course it is.
It was a cold
November afternoon.
A lone vehicle rides
across the wilderness plane
seeking its destination.
Its young occupants oblivious
to the horrors that lay ahead.
Have you not found it yet?
Gimme a chance.
I'm trying to find where we are.
We're lost, that's where we are.
Oh, you think these are the,
you are here, mark on this maps.
You know what I mean?
Anyway, shut up.
We're in the middle of nowhere.
So a hotel should actually
stick up like sore thumb.
You've been here
before, haven't you?
Yeah,
when I was three.
Can we just not go?
Vital I told team bonding, Bob.
Yeah, with a bunch of people
we've never met before.
Offices we're never
gonna see again.
It's a load of bollocks.
Yeah I know it is.
Just think of it
as a free holiday.
Amazing.
There you go.
Glenside Hotel, three
miles down this road.
Good lad.
See you can use your maps
and SAT NAVs and stuff,
but all you really
need is your eyes.
Hang on, what time is it?
Just after four.
Bit early, aren't we?
What time's the meet?
Seven.
Let's go fishing.
Let's not.
I second fishing.
Glenside Caves.
I wanna see them.
Why?
Uh, 'cause it'd be fun.
Can we fish in it?
You can't fish in a cave, John.
Why not?
Because it's a cave.
I tell you what,
you guys go, I'll stay in
the car and get pissed.
Team bonding, Bob.
As Mr. Newton says,
"A team is built on."
"Experience,
attributes and trust."
He also said that all spiders
were politicians
in a previous life.
Oh, he's right there.
He's a d*ck.
This doesn't look
much fun, does it?
Not really.
You reckon there's
any bats in that cave?
I hope not.
I don't like bats.
Come on.
Oh God.
All right.
Can I help you?
Yeah, we're going
to see the cave.
Sorry, we closed.
Last tour was 20 minutes ago.
Come back in the morning,
we open at half past nine.
Yes.
Bob.
Eh, please.
We'll just be 10
minutes and we'll go.
Come on mate, she won't
shut up about it otherwise.
Okay, 10 minutes.
When you're finished,
give me a knock.
Okay?
Make sure you grab a
helmet on your way in.
And be careful.
Okay.
Yes.
Cheers.
Thanks.
Oh it's so beautiful.
Look at that one.
It's just a rock.
Oh, it's so beautiful.
It's the same as all the others.
There's no fish in here.
Oh, it's cold.
I'm bored.
Can we go?
We've been in here a while now.
Oh, will you stop moaning.
What's that?
Is that an earthquake?
Dunno, but it sounds
like something's falling.
It's getting louder.
We need to
get out of here.
Oh God, is
it gonna cave in.
sh*t, we gotta get outta here.
Jon, my lights gone out.
Go.
Go, get out.
Let's not do that again.
Hello.
Where is he?
Hello.
Jesus.
Let's just go.
Yeah.
Oh, what now?
What the hell?
What's up with it?
Are we out to petrol?
No, there was over
half a tank left.
This day just keeps on giving.
What the hell?
No signal.
No nothing.
No, same here.
And here.
How'd we get stuck?
What are we gonna do?
Anyone with the RAC?
How are you gonna
get hold of them?
Shout.
Use the phone in
the ticket office.
No, we'll be waiting
hours for them to come.
It's gonna be dark soon.
I vote we walk to the hotel
and we'll just sort
it out in the morning.
Yeah.
Think of the exercise, Bob.
I am thinking of the exercise.
This is so beautiful.
Dee, don't you ever
get pissed off?
Why would I?
Would you rather be back at
work cooped up in a office?
I'd rather be cooped
up in the pub.
I second that.
Yeah.
You two should learn
to embrace nature.
You need to learn
to embrace a pint.
What's that?
A plane maybe.
Weird.
Come on, let's go.
Well, here we are.
Wow, it looks amazing.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Where is everyone?
I don't know.
I'm not having this.
Bob.
Bob.
Hello.
Hello.
Anything?
No, nobody about, nothing.
Same here.
We could be getting pranked.
Well if we are, it's not funny.
It's like everyone
just buggered off.
Maybe that was an earth.
Hang on.
Quake.
There it is again.
That was not an earthquake.
No.
A siren, an evacuation siren.
Where are we gonna evacuate too?
We're in the mountains.
Back inside?
Yeah, let's go.
Yeah.
Where did you find the lighter?
Oh, that was just in the
coat pocket in the kitchen.
So where have they gone
and left everything behind.
Suitcases, phones, everything.
Have you guys checked
that phone again?
Yeah.
Nothing.
It's dead.
Hey, it's all right.
It's not though, is it?
Something's going on,
something really weird.
Yeah, I checked a couple
of the cars outside.
They were dead too.
See, what's that all about?
First the noises,
then the abandoned cars,
the empty hotel.
Just can't believe
this is happening.
Look, would you like one
of us to go get some help?
We're in the middle
of nowhere, Bob.
Closest town's 30 miles away.
We've got everything
we need here.
I say we wait it out.
Well yeah, everything
except electricity,
any means to contact
the outside world.
Can we just, can we just
not talk about it, please?
I just wanna get
my head straight.
Anyone for a beer?
This silence is k*lling me.
Yeah, I'm not in the
mood for small talk.
No, it's not that.
It's like the volume on the
earth's been turned down.
It's creepy.
Don't worry, you'll be fine.
You'll see in the morning,
everything will
be back to normal.
And it's all just been a dream.
Yeah, I'll drink to that.
Oh my God.
What's that?
The noises.
I know what this is.
Jon, come on.
Bob wait, I think
it's something else.
Bob wait, I think
it's something else.
Wait.
Where is it?
Guys, where's the moon?
Oh it hurts.
Yeah, I might have guessed
it'd been about aliens.
Utter sh*t.
Who's to say?
Me.
But you can't rule out the
possibility Goose Chase.
I already did.
It never happened.
And don't you dare f*cking
call me Goose Chase.
Put the tummy g*n down.
You're not gonna sh**t an
old man in a wheelchair.
Yeah, that's better.
You see, now we're friends
again, just like before.
I used to have tantrums
when I was a boy,
you will grow out of it.
Sounds like it's
almost on top of us.
You could always stay
the night, if you wish.
What is going on in your brain
to make you think that
that would ever happen?
It's half hour 'til
3:00 a.m. and I'm off
with the rest of my money.
Well, well yes, you're
doing very well.
Time for one last story
perhaps, before you have to go.
Oh, there's nothing
I'd like more, Harold.
Just get my money ready, yeah.
Don't worry, my
little golden Goose,
your money's right
here in my pocket.
Hurry up with it.
Right, let's see.
Well here we go, the
final story of the night.
Ooh, let's do this one,
"Woman found dead after
seemingly being savaged by dogs."
Lemme guess.
King Kong.
It was silent in
the dark forest,
the mist lay on the ground and
the full moon shone brightly,
casting shadows on the
beasts that dwelt within.
Well that warmed the c*ck.
Mm.
We should add the oxtail now.
Not nice?
Nah, bit too tomato-like for me.
That's tomato soup for you.
Well, it's warmed
me on the inside
and that's the important thing.
You know what?
We could stay another night.
I'm not due back at
work for two days.
Peter, I can't.
I promised to our Shane I'd
go and see him at the bingo.
What?
How's that going for
him, enjoying it?
Yeah, bless him, he loves it.
Hey look.
Bought them with his
first week's wage.
He's made lots of new friends.
I might have to go myself.
Could do with a laugh.
Hey, don't be so horrible.
Like see you get up on stage
in front of a hundred people.
As if I'd be a bingo caller.
Dunno why your Shane is.
Barely says a word at home.
Yeah well, it's
the meds isn't it?
And he can't come off them
or he'd have another
one of his moments.
He's a strange one that lad.
Yeah, well he's my son
and we are going to
support him, okay.
How about, we make another one,
a proper one, one that works.
He does work?
I mean in the head.
Don't be so bloody horrible.
No, don't, don't.
What the hell was that?
No idea.
Sounded like some wild animal.
Like a bear or something.
A bear?
This is England.
It's either a dog or
some kids messing about.
Go and see what it is.
You go see what it is.
You're good with dogs.
Go on.
Here,
shove it off with this.
Here doggy, doggy, doggy,
doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy.
Peter.
What happened,
are you all right?
Help me.
Did you find the dog?
Two swans swimming, 22.
All the fours, 44.
Unlucky for some, 13.
Oh, we have a call for a house.
Steve, please check the numbers.
No?
Please don't call out unless
you've made all the numbers,
everybody okay.
Please double check.
Okay, we carry on.
On its own, number six.
So what's the problem, officers?
I'm afraid we have
some bad news.
Bad news?
Would you like a drink?
-No, no thank you Mr. Lymer.
-I'm okay, thanks.
I've got, I've got tea,
coffee, water, lemonade, milk.
No.
-No.
-Yes.
I'm going to make a drink.
What would you like, please?
Well, if, just a small
black coffee, then please.
And, and, and for you?
Glass of water would be lovely.
Mr. Lymer, we.
Mr. Lymer.
Bad news.
Make a drink.
Make a drink
There you go.
Ah, bugger.
It's lovely day, officers.
Mr. Lymer, we have to inform you
that your mother
passed away last night.
Would you like some soup?
Mr. Lymer.
How?
How did she die?
I'm afraid we can't
say at this point.
But we also have to inform you
that your stepfather's missing.
Can I see the body?
I don't think
that's a good idea.
Please.
I need to see her.
Are you sure about
this Mr. Lymer?
Yes.
It's my mom.
How did this happen?
I'm afraid, we don't
know at this point.
It could be wild animals.
We need to investigate further.
Will you be needing
a ride home mate?
No thank you.
I'll walk.
Will he be okay?
I need to practice my
bingo for tomorrow.
I'm a bingo caller.
Hi.
My name's Steve.
What's your name?
My name is Shane.
Do you believe in werewolves?
I haven't got any money.
I didn't ask you about money.
I said do you believe
in werewolves?
No, I don't believe
in werewolves.
Really?
You know what?
Your mother didn't
either, nor your dad.
He wasn't my dad.
What do you know
about my mother?
What do you mean werewolves?
Watch the moon.
I will come looking for you.
When the moon is full,
the last person you
will want to see is me.
Good night mum.
So yeah, playing bingo with
the old gits then, are you?
I'm a caller.
A what?
A caller, I'm a bingo caller.
Uh.
Like, two fat
ladies and all that?
Yeah, proper, proper bad
about that m*rder, eh?
Proper gruesome.
Git torn about good
and proper apparently.
Can you speak about
something else, please?
All right, keep your jacket on.
Somebody you know?
Yes.
I mean, no.
Oy, get in here you.
Hi Mo.
All right Shane.
I'm sorry I'm late. Mr. Kankel.
Have I got mug written
on my forehead?
No, Mr. Kankel.
Look when you're working here,
it's under my
watch and my rules.
I don't care what you do the
minute you leave this building,
but I do care when
you come stumbling in,
20 minutes late for work.
This happens again, the
only ba*ls you'll be holding
and that fat b*stards
down at the job center.
Go easy Mr. Kankel,
his mom's just died.
Who asked you Mo?
Aren't you supposed to be
fixing that calling stand?
I'm waiting for Allan keys.
Can I go please Mr. Kankel?
Not yet.
Mo, piss off.
All right, now this
is your final warning.
Now get out there
and some calling
otherwise there'll be
someone else for your job.
Go on.
Mr. Kankel.
Oh, get on the way.
Good evening everybody,
it's Friday night
and that means it's time for?
Bingo.
Bingo.
Who's ready to play?
I can't hear you.
Who's ready to play?
Yes.
Okay, without further
ado, you know what to do.
Shane's got the lingo,
let's play bingo.
So we'll do as we do every
week and start with a line.
If you get one,
please shout clearly
and Steve will come and
check the card for you.
Okay, eyes down for a line.
Your first number tonight
is three and seven, 37.
Yes.
Seven and four, 74.
All the fours, 44.
On its own number six.
Two little ducks, 22.
Oh.
Sorry.
Yes.
Eight, eight and one, 81.
I'm sorry everybody.
I feel a little bit hot.
Oh, sorry, I don't
feel very well.
Yes.
Four and two, 24.
Four,
two and four, 24.
I'm sorry everybody, I
don't feel very well.
Can you get Mr. Kankel
for me please?
I don't, I don't feel very well.
Mr. Kankel.
I'm not very well, everybody.
I don't feel very well.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Mr. Kankel, I don't, I
don't feel very well.
Somebody could please get
Mr. Kankel for me, please.
Mr. Kankel.
I think he's having
a heart attack.
Somebody, help me please.
You all right, love?
Oy, dickhead, get
out, you're sacked.
Joe, Mickey.
What the f*ck?
Oh, she was savaged by dogs.
Dogs?
No, no, no.
It was obviously
a werewolf then.
Who's to say that this
or any of my other
stories tonight are real?
Right, pay up old man, I'm off.
You still have five minutes
left yet to keep me alive.
You're such a fidgety
little man, aren't you?
Anyway, there's someone
I would like you to meet.
I thought you said no
one else was coming.
Don't worry.
It's not a person.
You're walking.
Your powers of observation
are a credit to you, Mongoose.
What's that?
What's that?
Gimme my money man.
There's a couple
of minutes left.
Allow me to introduce
to you number 15.
What have you done for me?
That's typical of
your generation,
always someone else to
blame your own actions.
I can't move my legs.
What have you done to me?
I can't move my legs.
Calm down and I shall explain.
Every year on this very
date, at this very time,
number 15 requires a human soul.
If you were not here,
he would take mine.
And I don't want that to happen.
The ad I placed in the newspaper
was only to attract
a drag of society.
That's nothing against
yourself, Goose Bump.
But I am assuming you would be
almost completely untraceable
if you went missing.
I kept you alive, Harold.
Calm down.
I'm so sorry it has to be
this way, Goose Pimple,
but I'm afraid it
is the only way.
It's a shame you didn't
read between the lines
while you still could.
When I get out of this chair,
I'm gonna f*cking
k*ll you, Harold.
Gimme my money.
Easy.
Also, allow me to
introduce myself.
I'm a man of wealth and,
thank you for keeping
me alive Mr. Goose.
Number 15 will now
consume your soul.
Lemme out.
Lemme.
Well I got me a girl
who's really hot
Oh you don't miss
her, you better not
Well she looks as
sweet as cherry pie
Well if you don't cross her
She'll blow sky high
She'll smile
Oh don't you be misled
Well my pretty baby
is all my blue pack
Well, she goes off, like
running in the wild outta space
Where the fire and
flames all over the place
A needle breaks on
her pressure gauge
She rings down to you
will have a bloody race
She'll smile
Oh don't you be misled
Well my pretty baby is
all flatter and again
She knows
Ow
She will plan her
game inside her head
Woo, won't I spot
you're better dead
Don't mess with her
Don't play no games
If you can't take
her burning flames
She'll smile
Oh don't you be misled
Well my pretty baby is
all flatter and again
Yeah
She does off like a rabbit
in the wild outta space
Where the fire and
flames all over the place
The needle breaks on
the pressure gauge
She rings down to you
will have a bloody race
She'll smile
Oh don't you be misled
Well my pretty baby is
all flatter and again
Well once you've
lit that tiny fuse
There's no way back,
you're gonna lose
The pressure's
building up inside
Creatures better
run and hide
She'll smile
Oh don't you be misled
Well my pretty baby is
all flatter and again
Yeah
She goes off, like running
in the wild outta space
Where the fire and
flames all over the place
A needle breaks on
her pressure gauge
She rings down to you
will have a bloody race
She'll smile
Oh don't you be misled
Well
Call Mr. Kankel.
Too close to the sun
What you got
What we got is love
And I know
It's you and me
And I know
We are
Unbreakable
We are
Undeniable
You're missing
the point, Gooseberry.
Happy
birthday dear.
My name's Steve.
Nothing like
with having a few friends
staying over, sunshine.
Yeah they call me crazy
But I think that's the
thing that she wants to know
Well all the
lies, lies, lies
Getting spread around
here, everywhere I go
We gonna pin my head
'Cause I feel like we're
all just wasting away
Well come on everybody
stand your ground
Lemme hear you say
We're not the same as you
We don't like the
things that you do
We're gonna flash you
with nothing to lose
We aren't the
words they call us
We stand tall, we're
proud of our past
We are the people
with nothing to prove
Well they so mad about me
And he's never really
given me the reasons why
It's all take, take,
take with your money
And they're all
just bleeding me dry
I gotta play in my head
'Cause I feel that we're
all just wasting away
Well come on everybody
and stand your ground
And lemme hear you say
We're not the same as you
We don't like the
things that you do
We're gonna flash you
with nothing to lose
We aren't the
words they call us
We stand tall, we're
proud of our past
We are the people
with nothing to prove
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
We're not the same as you
We don't like the
things that you do
We're gonna flash you
with nothing to lose
We aren't the
words they call us
We stand tall, we're
proud of our past
We are the people
with nothing to prove
Nothing to prove
Nothing to prove
Nothing to prove
Walk,
you lazy b*stards.
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Creatures of the Night (2025)
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