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02x01 - Episode 1

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "007: Road to a Million". Aired: 10 November 2023 – present.*
Watch/Buy Amazon



Hosted by Brian Cox, it features nine teams of two competing in a race to win £1 million each through a series of spy-themed challenges.

02x01 - Episode 1

Post by bunniefuu »

[♪ James Bond Theme orchestral stabs play]

[Psychologist] Welcome to the first part
of your assessment.

Now I'm going to ask you
some straightforward questions,

and I'd like some honest answers.

-Nothing to worry about.
-[Shabina] Okay.

[Psychologist] Do you share any qualities
with James Bond?

I work for London Underground.

I'm a ticket inspector,
so undercover a lot.

Once we're in plain clothes,
they don't know who we are,

so we can just approach him,
flip out the badge

and say, can I see your ticket, please?

[Shabina] Ah, there is something there.

Can you not see it? Look.

[Psychologist] How do you cope with fear?

I put Sid forward.

[Sid] Have a look at this!

You want me to go down and do that?
To get to the bottom?

Are you crazy?

You can do this.
You're fearless.

[♪ Tense music plays]

[Sid sighs heavily]

[footsteps crunching]

[Shabina] Sid, you've got this!

[♪ Tense music stops]

I've got it. I've got this.

[Sid exhales]

Oooh!

[♪ Tense music plays]

[Shabina gasps]

[♪ Heroic music plays]

[Sofia] We have our first pair, sir.

[computer beeps]

Now I'm going to play a little word game.

I'll say a word and you say
the first word that comes to mind.

-[Psychologist] Adventure.
-Freedom.

It's a leap of faith, Dylan.

[♪ Adventurous music plays]

-[Psychologist] Dad.
-Care.

-Eyes on the prize.
-[Asaad] Ah...

[Jamilah and Asaad both scream]

[♪ Heroic music stops]

[♪ Tense music plays]

-Cat.
-Mouse.

-Vulnerable.
-Control.

What happens when ordinary people
are put in extraordinary situations?

[♪ Heroic music plays]

[Controller] Eight pairs
have been selected.

-Family.
-Protect.

[Psychologist] Sister.
-Love.

-Failure.
-None.

[Asaad screams]

[car engine revs]

[Controller] Now they'll be
tested to the extreme.

It goes all the way up
to 360, the speedo.

-Open her up, lad.
-Oh, mate, this is sweet.

[Controller] In order to succeed...

-We're here to win.
-I'm so excited right now!

-[engine revs, bumping sound]
-Dad!

[Controller] They must find
their inner Bond.

[engine revs]

[♪ Hums James Bond Theme]

-Steven?
-No, it's cool, babe.

Trust me. One sec, let me
check me mirrors.

[engine revs]
[♪ Steven continues humming]

-[Shelley screams]
-[Steven laughs]

[♪ James Bond Theme plays]

[Controller] Complete the missions.

[Ricky] Don't look to your
right, there's a shark.

[Controller] Master the gadgets.

[Ricky] Mate...

-[expl*si*n]
-[Cat screams]

[Ricky] They're in front of us!

[tyres rattle]

[Asaad] Yes, come on!

[Controller] And eliminate
the competition.

-[Jamilah] Found it.
-[Asaad] Got it. Yep.

[Controller] Only one pair...

[screaming and rejoicing]

...can make it to the final showdown
for one million pounds.

[expl*si*n]

Shelley!

[♪ James Bond Theme plays]

[♪ Music fades]

[city noises]

[♪ Tense music plays]

I don't mean to be a b*tch, but I can see
that there are some teams that will

evidently do a lot better than others.

Who looks intelligent?

-He looks formidable.
-[Rob] Yeah.

[Luke] Feels like we're waiting for
a meeting with the headmaster.

[whispering]

[Dan whispering] This is the moment.

[♪ Tense music continues]

[♪ Tense music fades]

Okay, let's get on with it, shall we?

Law student?

-Yep.
-Taxi driver?

-Civil servants?
-Yes.

Model?

Bartender?

Fathers, sons?

Best friends?

Couples?

Siblings?

From this moment on,
these are your rivals.

You must beat them.

And here's how.

I'm sending you around
the world on a series of missions

designed to test you to your limits.

In each mission,
you'll be pitted against each other

to determine winners and losers.

The further you get,
the more money you get.

The losers, I'll send home.

Only the best pair
will make it to the end.

Returning here
to London to face me.

And the chance of winning this.

One million pounds, tax free.

Think about how far
you're willing to go,

and how much you're willing
to take to bring it home.

Now open the file in front of you.

[files opening]

First destination: Thailand.

But let me warn you,
if you think this is going to be

all about glamorous locations,
fancy cars,

even the occasional martini,
well, my job,

my mission, is to guarantee it won't be.

Any questions?

Good.

Best of luck.
You're going to need it.

[♪ Dramatic music plays]

[in Thai] Tell the boss we're ready.

[hangs up phone]

[♪ Dramatic music fades]

[phone rings]

[Controller] Sofia, bring me up to speed.

Okay, sir. All set for
the first mission in Thailand.

We've split them up.
Four pairs are in Bangkok.

The other four pairs are
in the south in Phang Nga Bay.

[Controller] Okay, start there.

And what trouble do we have
in store for them?

Scorpions, sir. A boat full of scorpions.

Oh, I like that.

[plane engine whirring]

[♪ Ominous music playing]

I weren't expecting this when
I put it in the Uber app earlier.

Did you ever think we'd be in Thailand,
Nod? Me and you?

[Nod] Definitely not.

[Sofia] First pair are best friends,
Ricky and Noddy.

Second pair, husband and wife,
Sid and Shabina.

[Sid] We're way in
the middle of nowhere. Literally.

-I mean, look at these shacks.
-Yeah.

[Asaad] Are you coming?

[♪ Suspenseful music plays]

[Sofia] Third pair are brother and sister,
Asaad and Jamilah.

[Asaad sighs deeply]

[Jamilah] Bro, touch down Thailand.

[♪ Suspenseful music continues]

[Sofia] And the final pair are
sisters Cat and Maiya.

I'm so happy to be in Thailand.

The first time that we came, I think
I must have been about six or seven.

And so you were probably four or five?

Yeah, it's literally
my favourite country in the entire world.

-Oh, a text message.
-It's from the Controller.

Oh!

Welcome to Thailand.

I've sent four pairs to Bangkok.

But you four pairs will
compete here in the southern islands.

Your first mission
is for twenty-five thousand pounds.

Wooh!

[Controller] I need you to retrieve
a hard drive

and upload its contents back to me.

I want to see courage and composure.

The slowest pair to complete
this mission will go head to head

with the weakest pair in Bangkok
to decide who will be eliminated.

-[Shabina] Hoho!
-[Sid] Hahaha!

[Controller] Now, go to Laem Sai
and locate Goodnight.

Goodnight will show you the way.

Head to Laem Sai.

I wonder who Goodnight is then.

[Shabina] Okay, so this is
Laem Sai. We've got to find

Goodnight now and find the hard drive.

-So it's a time challenge.
-Let's go.

Start the clock.

[digital clock ticking]

[Shabina] Excuse me.

We're looking for Goodnight.

-[Shabina] No?
-No.

[Sid] Hello?!

[Shabina] No, nobody's in there, Sid.

Hi! Do you know Goodnight?

This way?

No? Oh, okay.

Thank you.

[Jamilah] Excuse me, do you...
No speak English?

-[Asaad] No?
-[Jamilah] No?

I think his instructions were vague for a
reason. I think it's a thing.

I don't think it's a person.

[Noddy] Try down here.

[Noddy] We need to see if any of these
boats are called "Goodnight".

[Noddy] We refer to each other as brother,
we would say that we're like brothers.

We were born on
the same day, in the same hospital.

We went to the same nursery school,
the same primary school,

the same secondary school.

We've worked two different jobs together.

If that ain't a brother, what is?

[Ricky] You look that side,
I'll look this side... Lucas.

[Ricky] That's got a name on it,
Lucas, that one... Goodnight!

-[Noddy] Goodnight!
-[Ricky] Nod!

-[Noddy] Come on!
-[Ricky] Yes!

-[Noddy] Good boy.
-[Ricky] Goodnight!

-[Noddy] Goodnight will show you the way.
-[Ricky] There might be a map.

[Noddy] Is there a map?

[Noddy] Ah, we've got a satnav,
GPS, there we go.

-[Noddy] This is us, the black dot.
-[Ricky] Just follow this.

[Ricky] Start her up, mate.

[boat engine revs]

Come on, Skipper.

[♪ Exciting music plays]

-Do you want to try the jetty?
-[Asaad] It could be the name of a boat.

[Jamilah] Ooh!

[♪ Exciting music continues]

-[Jamilah] Goodnight, bro!
-[Asaad] Oh, we nearly missed it!

[Asaad] It was a distraction.

-[Jamilah] Okay.
-[Asaad] Alright, here we go.

-You ready?
-Yeah.

Alright.

[boat engine sound]

[digital clock ticks]

Goodnight! Are you Goodnight?!

Yes? You have information for me?

No information? Strange.

-[Cat] Goodnight!
-[Maiya] Do we go back to that one?

[Cat] I feel like we need
to think outside the box.

Look, is there someone hiding up?

-[Maiya] What do you mean, up?
-[Cat] In like just sitting up there.

[Cat] We need to look for places
where someone might not be.

[Cat] We are from a very fortunate
upbringing and background.

People will look at us
as potentially being stuck up.

But I know that's not the case.

We are from a family that has worked
really hard for everything that we have.

[Cat] You can take us
to Goodnight? Please?

[both giggling nervously]

[Maiya] I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

[Maiya] We're two young girls.

And that in itself means we can
very easily be underestimated.

Genuinely I don't see why we shouldn't
be sure we're going to win.

There's not a reason that we should fail.

[Cat] Goodnight!

[Maiya] Or is there
a boat called Goodnight?

[Cat] True.

[Maiya] Wait, actually I bet the boat's
called Goodnight, one of the boats.

-[Sid] Anything?
-[Shabina] No, I can't see anything.

-[Sid] Goodnight! Got it!
-[Shabina] Where?

[Shabina] Oh my God!
[Sid] Got it.

[Maiya] That one at the end
is called Goodnight!

-[Cat] Oh my God!
-[Maiya] Go, go, go!!

[Maiya] Oh, Cat!
That's where we need to go.

[Maiya] I think this is the route.
Oh my God, it's so far.

[boat engine sounds]

[♪ Exciting music plays]

[both giggling]

[♪ Exciting music fades]

-Go that way.
-I am going that way.

[Shabina] Watch where you're going.
Look where you're...

You're doing it, not me, woman.

[Shabina] I love an adventure,
but I haven't been adventurous

because of family coming first.

Now hold the line. That's it.

[Shabina] We've been married for nearly


[Sid] I think I've waited
all my life for this.

Now the boys have grown up,

we can throw them to one side.
Forget about them.

Let's me and you go on an adventure
and absolutely k*ll it.

[digital clock ticks]

[Ricky] When you come around,
point it towards those over there.

-[Ricky] Oh, there's another boat there.
-[Noddy] That is...

I mean, that's a boat.

That's a ship.

[ship foghorn booms]

[Ricky] I think that's where
we've got to go.

That flash drive could be on there, mate.

[♪ Suspenseful music]

-Approaching the target.
-[Controller] That's close enough.

Stop the boat.

[phone vibrating]

[Ricky] It says, "Stop".

"What you are looking for
is on the other boat."

"It's time to ditch Goodnight."

-I think that means we've got to swim.
-We're heading there then.

[Noddy] We haven't even seen
both sides of the boat.

There might be something that we can use.

[Ricky] You go first.

Once you get to the boat, then I'll go.

Enough time to look there.

You can start finding stuff
while I'm swimming.

-We got this?
-Of course.

We're gonna have to swim, aren't we?

[Jamilah] There's a net at the back, so
let's swim there, and climb up the net.

-[Noddy] See you in a bit, mate.
-[Ricky] Good luck mate. Love ya.

-[Ricky] Come on mate. Slow and steady.
-[Noddy] Right.

[digital clock ticks]

[Jamilah] Let's go.

[Jamilah] I feel like we
work well together.

[Jamilah] We've got to climb that.

[Jamilah] Neither of us panic
in stressful situations.

We're both active, so I think
we'll be perfect.

-We will be perfect.
-We will be perfect.

[Sofia] Jamilah and Asaad,
they look impressive.

[Asaad grunts]

[Jamilah] Asaad. My baby brother.

He's the protector of the family, I feel.

I don't think there's
anything he can't do.

[Asaad] I started playing rugby at the
semi-pro level from when I was about 19.

And if I do lose, I don't like it.

Jamilah! I found something!

Insert hard drive and SD card.

[Jamilah] We need
to find the hard drive.

[Shabina] We're okay.

-[Shabina] We're good to swim.
-I'm not.

You can. You can do it.
Don't underestimate yourself.

You jumped off a bloody dam,
for God's sake!

I can jump off a dam all day long,
yeah? I'm not a swimmer.

-I know you're not a swimmer.
-Haven't swam for years.

I know you haven't.

We can't dilly dally.
We have to do it.

So do you know what?
Just get over it and grow a pair.

[Sid] Listen, there was one thing
I didn't want to do.

Swimming, and the b*stard's done it.

[chuckles]

Come on, Nod! You got this.

[♪ Adventurous music plays]

Good boy.

[Ricky] Nod, can you hear me?!

[Noddy] I can hear you. Let me
have a look. Stay there for a sec.

Right, Rick?!

On the opposite side
to where I'm standing now,

there's a platform you can
get onto and come up onto steps.

[Ricky] Alright, let's go.

[Noddy] Keep going,
all the way around.

Keep coming Rick, you got it.
I got you, I got you.

[digital clock ticks]

[Asaad] We might need a key... Oh!
[Jamilah] What?

-[Asaad] Keys?
-[Jamilah] Ooh!

[Asaad] It's one of these skinny ones.
Oh, there we go. Winning.

[chain jangles]

-[Asaad] Go on then.
-So we're looking for a hard drive.

-Yeah.
-Hard drive.

-Ah!
-What?

[♪ Orchestral stab]

[Asaad] Okay.

-[Jamilah] Are they real scorpions?
-[Asaad] Yeah.

[Asaad] Alright. Oh, okay...

[Jamilah] That's the SD card.

[phone vibrates]

[Asaad sighs]

Scorpions are nature's assassins.

Their venom causes pain,
suffering, and even death.

Before you search,

remove the scorpions.
Pick them up by their tail.

Right.

[analogue clock ticking]

[Asaad] There's a card in
there. What will you do?

Just take...
Take them out. Whatever that is.

-[Asaad] One by one.
-[Jamilah] See what's in there.

[Jamilah] You ready?

-[Asaad] You ready?
-[Jamilah] Yeah.

[Asaad] Right. Tip first.

You gotta be quick.

-Woah!
-Be quiet! You're putting us off!

[Cat] God, this is really hard.

Be prepared for
a lot of upper strength.

[groans]

[Maiya] Keep going.

Just a little bit more, then
you can hold onto the boat.

I just need a second to not talk,
I'm really sorry.

You want me to be quiet? Well done.

[groans]

-Okay.
-You okay?

Right.

You need to swing your leg up.
It's all mental.

I'm fine. I get what you mean
about "don't talk".

Is your foot in?

Yes. My feet are in.

[Cat] You can pull forward,
I promise. You can do it.

Oh my God.

[Maiya] I don't normally put myself
in uncomfortable situations,

and I rely on my sister.

She's the older one.

You need to somehow muster
the strength in your body.

I'm really struggling.

[Maiya] Ultimately, I'm really worried
about letting Cat down.

I don't know how you did it.

She puts so much faith in me and so much
belief in me. I want to be the person

that she believes I am
and that I can be.

-I don't know what to do, Cat.
-Try using the ladder.

I can grab it.

[Cat] Try and get as high up
this ladder as you can.

[Cat grunts]

-My God.
-You're strong, use your feet.

[Cat grunts]

Lean back, lean back. Try, try!

-[Maiya] Lean back.
-[Cat] I'm trying. Hang on.

[digital clock ticks]

That's it. We're in.

What are we looking for,
mate? What the hell?

[Ricky] What? This is wild, isn't it?

Scorpions everywhere. Erm...

Is that it? That's a flash card.

[Asaad] Go, go, go!

-All right, that's the SD card collected.
-So what else do we need?

Hard drive.

There's different things buried,
so we need to get the right one.

Some of it might be decoy, some of it
might not be worth getting out of there.

-Alright, okay.
-What is it?

-Is it a key?
-A bloody key.

Are you joking? It's a car key!

-[Ricky] That's it.
-[Noddy] Alright, yep, you're pinching me.

-[Ricky] You're smashing this.
-Come on, mate.

Oh, no. Ouch ouch ouch. Thank you so much.

Ooh, it got a pinch on him.

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

You're doing really good, Sid. Go for it.

You can do it, Sid! Go on.

[Sid grunts]

[grunts]

[Shabina] That's it. You've got it now.

[thuds onto deck]

-Sid!
-[Sid breathes heavily]

[Cat] Should I come back down?

In fact, stay there. Stay!

Maiya! Follow my voice!

Go around the front and to the side.

Keep going.

Here, let me pull you.

-Sorry.
-Come here.

-Do not, please...
-Thank you for helping me.

-I'm so sorry.
-You're honestly... Why?

-I'm so weak?
-No you're not.

You did amazing.

-You did amazing.
-You did.

-Thank you for helping me.
-You're so fine, I promise you.

[digital clock ticks]

[Cat] We need to find
the hard drive. What's this?

I don't want to click send data
in case it sends something.

And then we haven't put it in.
Let's search for the hard drive.

We can click send,
then it can say if there's

a hard drive or not.
Maybe it's already in there.

No, we might never be able
to send it again, though.

Let's search first.

If there's files to send,
we should just send them.

What if there's nothing?
Why waste time searching?

-Just send.
-Okay, you do it. I trust you.

-Confirm.
-[negative beep]

[Maiya] Now we know
there's not a hard drive.

-[Cat] Okay, hard drive.
-Let's look inside.

[Sid breathing heavily]

Shabs!

[♪ Dramatic music stops]

Shabs, where are you?!

[♪ Intense music plays]

There's a platform on this side, too!

-I'm here.
-[Sid] Oh, you're here.

-I'm here.
-[Sid] Come.

[Shabina pants]

[Shabina] That was hard work!

[digital clock ticks]

Right.

[Shabina sighs]

[Shabina] Right.
Pick them up by their tail.

Put them where?!

-You can do this.
-I'll do it.

Oh, go on.

-I'm fine.
-You're being skittish.

-[Cat] It's scaring the scorpions.
-Of course I'm skittish.

-I just got dragged out of the water.
-[Cat] You're really good.

-Just grab.
-Just a second.

Ow!

I think you should do it because I
might be a little bit heavy handed.

You're more calmer. You're more...

Okay, so what are you going to do then?

I'll open and I'll help
you put them in the box.

Take them out.

-Let's see what else we got.
-Okay, this one.

-There's the one we put loads in.
-Is that something in there?

[Ricky] In here, in this one.

Look around the side.
Is that something there?

[Jamilah] There's something in there.

-Alright, so this...
-Straight in here?

[Noddy] What are we looking for?

There's something buried there.

[Noddy] This looks like it
might be what we're looking for.

[Noddy] Let's have a look.

-[Asaad] You wanna get the hard drive?
-[Jamilah] Alright, okay.

What do we do now? Let's go.

[Asaad] Let's go. You've got it.

[Jamilah] We've got the hard drive
and the SD card.

[Noddy] Alright, let's go.

-I'm shaking.
-Go, go, go!

-I'm shaking, I can't.
-Just pinch it and go.

Do you want to do it? Pinch it and go.

[Shabina] Shut up man.

I think a light touch...

Oh, I'm so scared
it's going to pinch me again.

-Damn it!
-Oh, wow.

[Shabina] What?

All right, no time for game play, Sid.

[click, computer beeps]

[Jamilah] Send files, enter password.

[Ricky] Hint: Ace kiss.

Ace kiss...

All right, so you got ace. Ace of what?

Ace of clubs, ace of hearts?

Could it be hearts?

Goodnight. Try Goodnight.

-That was the boat.
-[computer beeps]

[Noddy] Locked out
one minute 30 seconds.

-Ace kiss.
-Oh my God, no way.

[♪ Suspenseful music plays]

Oh! Damn it!

[sighs]

[screeches]

[♪ Soft music plays]

-Oh, for Christ's sake.
-I'll do the easy bit.

-So we've got the SD card.
-Right.

-[Cat] You're so much braver than me.
-[Maiya] Just be quiet.

Aaaah!

Ow, ow, ow!

-Well done.
-Hang on. You grab it.

I just want to put them safe. So this...

This is just the SD card.

It's not a hard drive.

[Jamilah] That doesn't make any sense.

Is it like an anagram?

-As in, that's just one word.
-Yeah.

-Try case.
-[Noddy] What does that leave us with?

That leaves us with
a K, I and S, doesn't it?

-Sick, erm.
-Ooh.

What?

[Jamilah] Stop it.

Stop it!

-Sick...
-Hang on a second. Seasick.

-Confirm?
-Confirm.

[computer beeps]

-[Ricky] Yes!
-We've done the best we can, mate.

-[computer beeps]
-[Jamilah laughs]

I just hope we've done enough.
Got me choked up a bit.

-[♪ Exciting music plays]
-[computer whirrs]

[digital clock ticks]

[Sid sighs]

Right, it's a big one now.

This is the big boy.

-And that better be the drive.
-If it isn't, you're doing it.

-Remember, there's a time.
-I know, that's why I'm doing this.

Sorry!

I hate you, Controller, I really do.

[chuckles]

There's no more in here, right?

Is it what we think it is?

-Yes!
-Okay, let's go.

[Cat] Let's go, come on.
Go go, go!

[Sid] Where we going?

-What is this thing?
-That's it.

[Sid] Right, let's go! Move!

[Cat and Maiya] Ace kiss.

Ace kiss?

Could it be Smacker?

-An ace kiss is a smacker, right?
-[Shabina] Oh no.

Is it an anagram?

Seasick.

-Seasick.
-Seasick!

[computer beeps]

-You beauty!
-You b*stard!

-That was awful.
-That was really...

[Maiya] We completed it.
I don't know if we're quick enough.

[Cat] I feel like there was just...

[Maiya] I don't know if we were good
enough, to be honest. I'm so sorry.

-[Cat] I'm sorry as well.
-Don't be.

-You're fine.
-[Cat] You shouldn't be sorry.

There's nothing for you to be sorry about.

-I'm indestructible right now.
-Absolutely.

We're a team.

I've done the bloody scorpion!
What good are you?

I might as well go solo.

[♪ Slow, epic music plays]

I'm not gonna lie, Jam.
I feel a bit sick, you know.

-Honestly...
-The waiting.

[typing]

-Well?
-Just verifying the result.

-He exploited all our weaknesses.
-I think we've done enough.

I'm so nervous.

Me, too.

Oh, come on, don't cry.
I'm just not ready for it to be over.

-Literally.
-I hope that we get through.

Deep breaths, we'll be fine.

It's still a possibility
we're the slowest...

[phone vibrating]

Oh, Jesus.

[phone vibrating]

[Shabina sighs]

Here we go... It is what it is.

Ricky and Noddy.

Jamilah and Asaad.

That was impressive.
Calm heads and good teamwork.

But Ricky and Noddy,
you had the edge and were the fastest.

-The fastest!
-Oh, my God!

Come here, bruv!

[Ricky laughs] Yes!

[Controller] You now have
twenty-five thousand pounds.

-See you on the next mission.
-I love ya.

Yeah, I love you too, bruv.
That's, yeah. It's unreal mate.

[Controller] Jamilah and Asaad,
you were second and also have 25 grand.

I'll see you on the next mission.

[laughing]

[Controller] Cat and Maiya,

You let your emotions
get the better of you.

It affected your performance.

Sid and Shabina.

Well, you got there
in the end. Mainly thanks to Shabina.

But was it enough?

The first pair to face elimination...

Is...

Come on.

[sighs]

[motorcycle engine revving]

What's happening with our other teams?

[bell rings]

-[Sofia] They're in Bangkok, sir.
-[in Thai] Hello.

[Sofia] Seven hundred feet above the
street.

[♪ Epic music playing]

Ascend both towers.

Ascend both towers.

[Luke] Keep going, pal!

[Alex] Okay, Rob!

[Alex] I'm better at this.
I have to take charge.

You will listen.

-[Alex] I will instruct.
-[Steven] Are all the wires connected?

[Shelley] You keep talking when I'm
talking. Wait for me to finish.

[Luke] Hey, don't look down!
[Dylan gasps]

[Dylan] Oh my God!

You have been eliminated.

[♪ Exciting music plays]