Sir Arthur Guinness versus the Crown
in the question of election fraud,
all rise for the judge.
["Brewing Up a Storm"
by The Stunning plays]
♪ Honey, if the truth hurts
Don't look, it might go away ♪
♪ It's easy to pretend
That life is a rosy bouquet ♪
♪ The doors are open wide
And the wind blows a bitter cold ♪
♪ Man holds a mystery
Someone else holds the key ♪
♪ I know it's a shame, they're the same
The answer doesn't have to be ♪
♪ Brewing up a storm ♪
♪ Brewing up inside
And his eyes are wild ♪
♪ And it can't go on ♪
♪ He's brewing up a storm ♪
-[distant clamor]
-[song continues]
♪ Fire in your eyes, in your head
Fire in your ♪
♪ Touch ♪
♪ But I can't shout "fire"
'Cause I love you too much ♪
♪ The race is on
The message is in your soul ♪
♪ As a thousand thoughts a second
Now explode ♪
♪ Brewing up a storm ♪
♪ Brewing up inside
And his eyes are wild ♪
♪ And it can't go on ♪
♪ He's brewing up a storm ♪
♪ Brewing up a storm ♪
♪ Brewing up inside
And his eyes are wild ♪
♪ And it can't go on ♪
♪ Da, da da-da, da da-da, da da da-da ♪
♪ Da, da da-da, da da-da, da da da-da ♪
♪ Da, da da-da, da da-da, da da da-da ♪
-♪ He's brewing up a storm ♪
-[song ends]
Today, this ship came out from a storm
and sails on.
Tomorrow, there is a ceremony to mark
the expansion of this great brewery,
and however rough the seas,
I will never allow anyone to sink it.
Not even my f*cking brother.
Where is my husband?
[Rafferty] He had to stay
and sign some papers and an affidavit.
[sighs] Just tell me. Good or bad?
This is Judge Keogh's summation
and verdict as I wrote it down.
[clears throat]
"This is the verdict as regards charges
brought against Sir Arthur Edward Guinness
and others in his pay."
"That they did engage in acts
of bribery and corruption
during the recent
parliamentary election campaign in Dublin,
leading to Sir Arthur Guinness's
apparent victory."
"Apparent"? sh*t.
"This verdict certifies
that the election result
in favor of Sir Arthur Guinness
is hereby declared to be
void."
Edward will k*ll him! f*ck.
"I must declare
that Sir Arthur Guinness was,
by his agents, guilty of bribery
involving a sum of £15,575
paid to secure victory in the election."
"However,
I shall also declare
that Sir Arthur Guinness was not guilty
of any transaction
of a corrupt nature himself personally."
That is good, isn't it?
"It has not been proven
that Sir Arthur himself was aware
of the payments to said voters."
He then for reasons known only to himself
quoted a passage from Paradise Lost.
I need someone to celebrate with,
now my husband has slipped the noose.
You will do.
[drink pouring]
I have business at the brewery.
[Olivia chuckles]
I'm sure there are others at the brewery
who can do your job for you.
Just as there are others
who can do my husband's job for him.
[mischievous music plays]
As you wish.
As I wish always.
[footsteps approaching]
[music fades]
[clears throat] Begging pardon,
Lady Olivia, your violin teacher is here.
[scoffs] Well, tell the endlessly
patient Mrs. Cope that
I will practice on my own today.
On your own?
Actually, Lady Olivia,
I myself play the violin
to a relatively competent level.
Oh?
You mean you play the fiddle in pubs.
In church.
Then perhaps today, Mr. Rafferty, you can
take the lesson instead of Mrs. Cope.
By way of apology,
give Mrs. Cope two jars of the marmalade
that I pretend to make myself.
Yes, my lady.
If you play "Bantry Bay,"
it will remind me of home…
and make me cry.
I'm not accustomed to such elegance.
Ignore the elegance.
Handle it like you would handle a fiddle.
You want me to make you cry?
Yes.
I'm tired of laughing at my life.
[bittersweet tune playing]
[man] Thank you.
[music fades]
[Henry] Your brother is like an eel
from the River Liffey,
slipping out of the grasp of justice.
He's been stripped of his seat
in Parliament.
If people stop drinking our beer
because of this scandal,
all the investment sunk
into the expansion will be lost.
What more do you want?
What more do I want?
It is not me who he has left in want.
It is the people of East London
and the people of West Africa,
who have no one to minister to them
since he stole my inheritance from me.
You can see my condition, Uncle.
I will give birth any day now!
Why have you chosen me
to vent your fury on?
Because… I believe, in your heart,
you see the justice of my cause.
Of them all, I believe
you are the only true Christian.
And I want it to be you
who carries my message to the Liffey eel.
Tell him I know deals were done
to secure his liberty.
And I know who those deals were done with.
His defense barrister, Isaac Butt.
[scoffs] I'm predicting
a predictable absurdity.
The dissolute lawyer
who kept him out of jail.
Isaac Butt is
the best barrister in Dublin.
[tense music rises]
A licentious father of 15 children
of all denominations
in all the boroughs of the city.
A famous and infamous Fenian.
I know a deal was done
with the Home Rule petitioners
to let Arthur Guinness walk free.
[shouting] Tell the Liffey eel
I have him by the gills,
and I will do what is necessary
to have him pay penance for his sins!
I hear, sir,
that you were personally exonerated.
I heard that news from Lady Olivia,
who herself heard it from Mr. Rafferty.
[Arthur] Yes.
I sent Mr. Rafferty here
with the good tidings myself.
And after delivering the news,
they played violin together.
Lady Olivia and Mr. Rafferty
played violin together
in the drawing room to some hilarity.
Good.
Where is Lady Olivia?
Sitting in the orangery,
as she loves to do
while others make the marmalade.
Where is your hat, sir?
Lost. On the head
of some beggar, I imagine.
Mr. Potter,
from now on, there will be no need
for you to report to me anything
regarding what Lady Olivia
does or doesn't do.
Understood, sir.
And in the future, if any of the other
servants hear violins being played,
or any other similar noises…
The servants will not hear those noises.
Good.
And again,
congratulations on the day, sir.
[Olivia humming]
I know it's unfashionable,
but I hate to be white.
I want to look Spanish.
My grandmother was Spanish.
You heard the verdict?
There is good and bad.
Edward will never forgive me. [sighs]
I assume, because of your nature,
you are emphasizing the bad.
Olivia…
I have just destroyed
the reputation of my family.
Perhaps violins might not be the best way
to pass the time when I'm away.
Sound
travels through the whole house.
I don't understand.
[sighs]
You sent him to me.
At your silent request, yes.
All he did was teach me a reel,
and then he left.
My objection to violins
is the noise that they make.
You mean I should do things more quietly?
As part of our arrangement,
you will do things quietly, yes.
I've spoken to Potter.
He will explain to the household.
I just hate the thought
of the maids giggling.
Of course.
-I understand.
-No, no.
Nobody f*cking understands.
You think you are alone, Arthur.
You're not.
Rafferty played "Bantry Bay,"
and it reminded me
of that frozen f*cking castle on the shore
that you rescued me from.
[scoffs] Rescued you?
Well, I'm your prince?
I hate it when you mock yourself.
You won today because you are a prince.
Baptized with beer, but still a prince.
Why would you regulate or judge yourself
when no one else is
in a position to do so?
[sighs softly]
Mmm.
From now on,
I will only make a noise in your causes.
We will do great things together.
[Arthur sighs]
[whispers] Love does not have to be
blessed with a f*ck.
[both chuckle lightly]
-Mr. Guinness, sir--
-Not now.
[startled] Oh!
Adelaide, goodness.
I am so sorry I kept you.
You didn't keep me.
I didn't have an appointment.
You don't need an appointment.
Edward, you have black paint on your face.
-I do?
-Yes.
No, no. Don't wipe it.
It'll only make it worse.
Come here.
I was helping the painters
paint a new sign.
Of course. Which company owner
and… managing director wouldn't help
the painters paint a sign?
[chuckles sharply]
How is Arthur after today?
Or is Arthur the reason
you were helping the painters,
to take your mind off things?
Adelaide, I…
I have written to you several times
with invitations to social engagements
and received no reply.
And there are those who would see no reply
as a very definite response.
[light music playing]
I… I have a meeting
with my stock department in ten minutes.
This is more important.
And will help you restore
your family's reputation.
This is a drawing of how Dublin might look
in a better and more just world.
As co-chair of the newly formed
Iveagh House Guinness Trust
Housing Charity…
The… the… the what?
Your sister and I have conceived of a way
of clearing away the slums and rookeries
to the north of St. Patrick's Cathedral,
and in their place,
construct 110 redbrick apartments,
built especially for poor families.
[music stops]
Every apartment has a bathroom.
There is a play center
for the children of working mothers.
There is also a hostel for unmarried men,
most of whom, one would imagine,
will work in your brewery.
There is also, uh, plenty of open space.
Fresh air and pathways where today
there are gin houses and brothels.
This is God's work.
Yes.
But God will not pay the bill.
No, you will.
We have estimated a total building cost
of £85,000.
Perhaps a little less
if you helped with the painting.
[dry chuckle]
You know, Adelaide, you really
don't have to sell anything to me.
Your desire that something should happen
is provenance enough.
[light scoff]
No. No, you will not consider me in this.
You will make a judgment
on the grounds of sound fiscal management.
I am not part of the arrangement.
I will leave these drawings with you.
Your sister will show you many others.
You would be helping to change the world
one brick at a time,
and you won't even be late
for your next meeting.
Oh, Adelaide.
I am taking "no reply"
as "keep trying."
[quietly] f*ck.
-[knocking]
-[door opens]
Your correspondence, sir.
[Byron] Dearest cousin,
I have met some fine, ambitious gentlemen
and feel confident that our plan
for the conquest of America
is about to set new records.
The future holds much promise
for the international acclaim
of the Guinness Brewery.
I have hit on a fine plan
to smooth our path once and for all.
[indistinct chattering]
Excuse me, gentlemen,
can I ask you… [sighs]
Byron, come on. We have business.
-Byron, come on.
-[kisses]
Can I ask you, why are you proud Irishmen
not drinking Guinness?
You may have noticed,
everyone else in New York is drinking it.
'Cause we're drinking whiskey.
You will have seen advertisements
for Guinness in bars
from The Battery to the park.
I can tell you this,
"beer" is much too small a word for it.
The elixir…
-Hey.
-Jesus.
…not only tastes like
the morning dew of Ireland,
it also serves to stiffen your erection
to the extent that your c*ck resembles
one of those steel bolts
they use to hold together steamships.
And like a steamship,
you will plow on through the storm
of your wife or mistress's passion
all f*cking night long,
without recourse to call into harbor,
even for a piss.
[chuckles]
If the consequence
of that bottle you're drinking
is the conception of a child
and that child is a boy,
I'd like you to name him Byron.
-After me.
-Byron, will you f*cking come on?
[sighs, grunts heavily]
[kisses] Byron Hedges,
conquering the United States of America,
one Irishman at a time.
Byron, in the hierarchy
of the Brotherhood,
I am merely head of policy.
Now, the man that you're about to meet,
he's the head of k*lling people
and disposing of bodies.
So you be on your best behavior
or your next drink will be
a mouthful of the Hudson River.
You hear me?
Okay.
Introductions.
Now, I'm only speaking English
because some of our American friends
do not have the mother tongue.
But our hearts are pure Irish.
[William chuckles]
Eamon Dodd
was a captain
in the Fighting 69th Fenian regiment
of the bluecoat Union Army
during the Civil w*r.
He won medals for gallantry.
I know who I am.
Who's this?
This is Byron Hedges.
And, gentlemen, can I ask you a question?
If you are indeed proud Irishmen…
why are you not drinking Guinness?
What'd he f*cking say?
Now, my question's not an irrelevant one.
Byron, our agenda for this meeting
is a political one.
And my agenda is also political.
I prefer serious people.
Well… hear me and win, ignore me and lose.
His father was hanged by the British.
Hear him out.
[cork pops]
[inhales deeply]
There is a family in Dublin
who are, um… very, very, very wealthy.
Their name is
on those bottles of beer there.
And I've been given the task
of representing their gentle sympathies
with regards to certain conflicts
past, present, and future.
Anyone translate for this guy?
[men laughing]
[Byron chuckles dryly]
In plain American…
I know you have plans.
Extensive plans.
Bombs, g*ns,
even an audacious plan to invade Canada.
And I know they will cost money.
Lots of money.
So,
I have a financial proposition
to put before you,
which I would like you to consider.
I have it on good authority that,
were we able to give
the Irish Republican Brotherhood
bare 15%…
[tensely] f*ck!
…on every bottle of Guinness
sold in these fine American cities,
rivers of the black stuff
will positively flow.
No!
[Byron] I know we agreed
to just offer friendship,
but a little money
helps to grease the wheels.
Being a man of fine intelligence,
you will be able to disguise it off as
another charitable donation.
Your devoted servant and brother in arms,
Byron Hedges.
[energetic music playing]
[music fades]
Good evening, Mr. Guinness.
I take it you are here to celebrate
making a monkey of the magistrate.
Open the gate.
I'm going to The Angel.
[Bonnie] To The Angel. Hm.
Where the angels are.
In their silk robes…
I'm sorry, Mr. Guinness.
The Angel is closed.
What do you mean? I can hear the music.
Closed to you is what I mean.
Okay, just stop talking.
Find the key,
open the chain, unlock the gate,
and go back
to your f*cking place by the fire.
I'm afraid you're no longer allowed.
[incredulously] I'm f*cking what?!
I believe it's for your own good.
Open the f*cking gate, Bonnie.
I have to obey my boss.
Your boss, Rafferty,
who obeys his boss, my brother.
Who obeys the Lord, as we all must.
[shouting] Unlock this f*cking gate!
Good night, Mr. Guinness.
I am Sir Arthur Guinness,
and this is my f*cking city!
Open this f*cking gate!
[grim music playing]
Get back here!
You have no right, Edward.
You have no f*cking right!
[light music and chatter inside]
[horse whinnies]
Edward!
Edward, are you there?
You prim and proper f*ck!
I want to propose a board meeting!
Sir Arthur.
I assume I'm still allowed
into my own f*cking brewery!
I'll get the gate for you, sir.
Well, if you're interested,
there'll soon be some bare-knuckle boxing
on the cobbles of the cooperage.
-Thank you, sir.
-[glass shatters]
[horse snorting]
[Arthur] Edward? It's my right to f*ck up!
I'm the eldest!
-Edward, who the f*ck do you…
-[door thuds]
[music fades]
I could be bounded in a nutshell
and still count myself
the king of infinite space,
were it not that I have
these bad f*cking dreams, Father.
Brother… doesn't tell me anything anymore!
f*ck!
[driver] Whoa!
There you are, sir.
[tense music plays]
[knocker clacking]
Ellen!
Ellen!
I need to ask you something.
Shh!
[hushed] Get in, quick!
You don't think about f*cking neighbors,
shouting up at me like that?
I'm not accustomed to worrying
about neighbors, but I am being educated.
[music fades]
What are you doing here?
I've no more use for you or your brother
now that he's no seat in the Commons.
Well, I have use for you.
And I was hoping that,
even though our previous relations
were purely practical,
that there was
some measure of feeling between us.
So what is it that you want?
I have an associate in New York
who has had dealings with…
Shh!
I'm not allowed men.
The landlady's room is right there.
…who has had dealings with someone
who is some sort of commander
in the Fenian Brotherhood.
I need to know more about him.
The man my associate met was called Ea--
Eamon Dodd.
Manhattan Battalion commander.
We Fenians write to each other as well.
And the 15% commission
on every bottle of Guinness
that your representative has agreed to
is now funding
the armed struggle against the British.
[sighs] I agreed to none of this.
f*ck!
If this scandal breaks,
the Guinness name will be ruined.
-I need you to help me.
-[whispers] Shush!
Will you keep your voice down?
[footsteps approaching]
-Take off your shoes.
-What?
Take off your shoes. We'll go to my room.
There.
Come on.
Shh, sh, sh, sh.
[creaking]
[softly] Shh.
[soft music plays]
[Ellen] What are you doing?
Putting my shoes back on.
Why would you do that?
-I don't know, propriety.
-f*ck propriety.
If you put your boots on,
they'll hear you walk around. Sit down.
Sit down where?
[sighs]
[music fades]
There's a lot of letters
and papers lying about
because I have to
come up with a new strategy.
Now that your brother
f*cked up my previous one
with his train tickets and wardrobes.
My brother f*cked up
because I didn't keep an eye on him.
It's okay.
This new deal in New York
is kind of compensation.
I think we should drink a toast.
To celebrate.
I have Guinness or poitín.
The Guinness is warm, so…
Poitín, then.
[bottle and glasses clinking]
[cork pops]
To 15% and a free Ireland.
Look, I want you to help me
communicate to your friends in New York
there has been
a terrible misunderstanding.
At my next rally,
I will declare they've holes
in their socks, just like us.
[Edward] I have a hole?
[sighs]
-You not have maids to sew your socks?
-I don't go home much.
They say you sleep in your office.
-Who says?
-Our spies in the brewery.
I ask them about you.
Why do you ask them about me?
[knock at door]
[landlady] Ellen!
Do you have someone in there?
[whispers] Go!
-[Ellen] No.
-I heard voices.
Well… [chuckles]
I was just rehearsing a speech.
You know the rules, Ellen.
No c*ck in the hen house.
Yes, I know the rules.
Good night, Mrs. Pascal.
-Good night.
-Good night.
-[whispering] You have to wait here.
-Wait?
-Yeah.
-Until when?
She'll be out there
like a guard dog, listening,
until she's had enough laudanum
to k*ll the pain in her toes.
Usually not until midnight.
Midnigh--
Then again, why the f*ck would you care
about me getting thrown out?
You could march down the stairs
and say, "Go to hell."
I wouldn't do that.
I don't march anywhere.
Besides, I have nowhere else
where I have to be.
Edward?
[sighs]
In case no one's told you,
I own the place. Leave me alone.
It's okay, Mr. Guinness.
I recognize your face.
Mmm.
[scoffs] Yes.
Yes, you may see some similarities
between my face and the faces of these
illustrious gentlemen hanging on the wall,
but I'm afraid
that's where the similarities end.
Go away. Go away.
Well, I recognize your face, Mr. Guinness.
But you don't recognize mine,
do you, Mr. Guinness?
Actually, you recommended me
take a job here a few years ago now.
You and I met at The Angel,
down in the docks?
I liked you when we first met.
I think you liked me too.
And it wasn't just for that.
What's your name?
Patrick.
[clicks tongue]
[exhales deeply]
Well, Patrick,
I would really, genuinely like to say
that I remember my act
of presumably post-coital philanthropy,
but I'm afraid I don't.
[chuckles lightly]
Nights in the docks are as…
dark and impenetrable
as a pint of Guinness.
Well… [chuckles]
I can tell you, you were nice to me.
Mmm.
You know, most of the rich
half-English, they're harsh,
but everyone said
you were nice to everyone.
Maybe you'll get a reward for being nice
when you're in heaven, Mr. Guinness.
Or perhaps you'll get a reward now.
[soft music plays]
Do you mind if I take off my shoes?
My feet are k*lling me.
[Arthur chuckles softly]
[shoes clattering]
[both chuckle lightly]
[Arthur] You know, Patrick,
it's been a very, very odd day.
First Milton,
then Hamlet,
now kismet.
[laughing quietly]
[music fades]
The thing is, if you decide
you're not gonna make good on that 15%…
The insanity of it.
…it will not end well for your man, Brian.
Byron, and he's not my f*cking man.
Except, of course, he is.
If you backtrack,
they will k*ll him for sure.
So why don't you just negotiate
the percentage down?
I will not f*cking negotiate.
[Edward sighs] I can hear him now.
-Shh, shhh…
-He will laugh.
Talking about your brother again.
He'll say, "You f*cked up, Edward.
You f*cked up worse than me."
You talk about your brother an awful lot.
It's disgusting when it's warm.
[sighs] How the hell am I gonna tell him?
[scoffs] This is absurd.
What is absurd is there must have been
another way for you to find out
what you needed to know about Eamon Dodd
without coming to me.
Yes.
And yet you sprang instantly to my mind.
[chuckles]
What is actually
absurd is…
that for some reason…
you spring to my mind
quite often.
And for the same… reason,
or a different, absurd reason,
you spring to mine…
quite often.
[stifles chuckle]
Even though it's f*cking…
Ridiculous, yes.
[both chuckle lightly]
I'm sure you have some grand lady
who you're pursuing.
She does not care to be pursued.
So some girl down the docks
would be easy meat
while you take a break
in the pursuit of finer fare?
Absolutely. That's who I am.
That's exactly why I came.
[scoffs]
[sighs] Look, if I tiptoed,
do you think I could get out?
You can try if you want.
I really don't want.
Nor is it what I want,
but try if you want.
I lost track of the "wants"
and "not wants."
You want me to stay
not because of the landlady, just
because that is what you want?
I think so, yes.
Right now, in this moment,
God help me, it is what I want.
["Carraig Aonair" by Pebbledash plays]
♪ Ó Luan dubh an áir ♪
♪ Tháinig suaimhneas ró-bhreá ♪
♪ Is do ghluaiseathair uaimse ♪
♪ Leath-uairín roimh lá ♪
♪ Ag iascaireacht i mbád ♪
♪ I gcontúirt bhur mbá ♪
♪ 'S go mbeidh iarsma na bliana úd ♪
♪ Bhur ndiaidh go bhfaghad bás ♪
-[music intensifies]
-[singer vocalizing]
[airy vocalizations lilting]
[sighs deeply]
-[moaning]
-Shh! Shh, shh.
Oh good Lord Almighty…
[exhales heavily]
…what it is to be a Guinness.
[song fades]
-[straining]
-[woman] Keep pushing.
-Push now.
-[Anne groaning]
-Keep pushing!
-Keep going.
-[Anne whimpering]
-Keep pushing.
-[shouting]
-That's very good. That's it.
[huffing forcefully]
-[groaning]
-[woman] Beg your pardon, Mrs. Plunket.
Mr. Plunket has asked me
to ask how much longer you'll be,
as he wants to attend the ceremony.
Well, tell Mr. f*cking Plunket…
[screaming] Fuhh--!
[scream echoes and fades]
[marching band playing "Death or Glory"]
[indistinct chattering]
[Rafferty] With this new expansion,
we will be able to produce
over 500,000 hogshead of beer every year.
The brewery now covers 45 acres.
Yes, I know the statistics, Mr. Rafferty.
Fourteen steam locomotives,
five new steam engines
doing the work of a thousand men,
meaning that now
this is the biggest brewery on earth.
Your brother has done a…
My brother has done a fine job, yes.
-What I mean to say--
-What you mean to say are words.
Words, more words,
obfuscation, apologetic retraction,
a reworking of the plain truth,
and at the end of it,
in spite of that plain truth,
it'll be me making the speech today,
cutting the ribbon,
not my brother,
because of an accident of birth.
Because that is how things are
and always will be.
You could do more, Sir Arthur.
You should.
I've been thinking the same thing,
Mr. Rafferty.
A new beginning.
[sighs]
[inhales] But that would mean
my wife would be left alone more.
That is not what I meant.
No. We never say what we mean.
My wife will be here today
for the ceremony,
and she won't even look in your direction.
Sir, nothing has occurred.
And she will not be indiscreet,
because she was born to this,
born to play these games.
You were not,
and I am depending on you to learn.
Discretion.
I trust you more than any man in Dublin.
After the ceremony,
I have made arrangements
that you can escort Olivia home,
and if anything should transpire,
I trust you to tell no one.
This is at her request?
You will learn that everything
is at her request. [chuckles]
And with your permission?
Permission given.
All else remains the same.
Now, I must go and grovel to my brother.
[upbeat marching tune playing]
Welcome home, Benjamin.
How fares the soldier in London?
The soldier fares well,
and the soldier's wife even better.
Before we left England, I was given news.
I'm expecting a baby.
Ah.
Splendid news.
Brother, I'm sorry I missed your wedding.
[laughs] I was busy in court
being humiliated.
Mm! And, of course,
Edward was busy working.
I was working on your behalf.
Indeed. Water, brother.
Bravo. Bravo.
I take no credit.
Mm. The gates of hell
have been locked for good.
Ahh. And in my case, here in Dublin,
those gates have been locked for me
by someone else. [chuckles]
To which now I give thanks.
Good God! Has peace broken out
on the Guinness b*ttlefield?
I'm actually not sure.
But I imagine it's only a truce at best.
Where is Aunt Agnes?
We wanted to thank her
for bringing us together.
She was delayed at Iveagh House.
Yes, some business
involving… one of the cousins.
[intense music playing]
[banging on door]
[Agnes] Christine! Open the door.
-[doorknob rattling]
-Christine, I know you can hear me.
[thumping and clattering]
[shuddering]
-[inhales shakily]
-Leave us. Leave us.
I was not invited to the ceremony.
-But I came here anyway.
-Christine.
Edward would not let me
get into the family carriage
because Benjamin and his wife
would be there.
Put the g*n down.
I learned that he had married
from a newspaper.
Christine, please, put down the g*n.
This is a g*n I once fetched for him.
With it, he will help me to find peace.
And I will be spared your jurisdiction!
-Christine.
-[distant screams]
Christine, do you hear that?
[screaming continues]
Anne is giving birth in the east wing.
Giving birth
even while you consider death.
Life, Christine.
Think of the things
you can do with your life.
You can do good.
Anne and Adelaide have started
a… a charitable foundation,
transforming the lives of the poor.
[frenzied laugh]
-[roars]
-Christine!
-[growling]
-Christine, please!
Anne, poor Anne, has learned to type.
[straining shout]
[sobbing wildly]
I myself am learning to speak Irish so…
so I can talk to poor people.
[inhales deeply]
Of course, we will all wear gloves.
[crying]
-And there will be sherry.
-[sobbing weakly]
Lots and lots of sherry.
-[sobbing]
-Oh, Christine.
To hell with men and their complications.
Come join the women, yes?
[sobs and sighs]
[music fades]
-[g*nsh*t ricochets]
-Oh Jesus! Holy f*ck!
[screaming]
That's very good. Very good.
[gentle music plays]
-[sobbing]
-[baby crying]
[cries happily]
[exhales heavily]
[airy vocalizations lilting]
[Arthur] Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to this new era
in the history of the Guinness Brewery.
And welcome to this new extension
to our enterprise.
[solemn music builds]
Many people have worked hard
to make this become a reality.
But, in truth,
it has been Edward,
my younger brother,
who has steered us through stormy waters,
working tirelessly to bring us
to this moment,
where huge new orders
are coming in from America.
And my family's reputation
for benevolence and good works
is becoming famous around the world.
-[cheers and applause]
-All thanks to my faultless brother.
Our father would be proud.
And now… behold,
Guinness.
None bigger or better in the whole world.
[cheering]
[clapping dies down]
Meanwhile, I myself have been
playing games in the corridors of power,
pursuing a parliamentary seat.
A futile endeavor.
-[sullen crowd replies]
-No. No, no. No, please.
[hesitating] And it… it ended in
a particularly painful kind of defeat.
But I hereby make a vow
to my brother,
to my wife…
to my father,
myself…
that I will do more.
[scattered cheers and clapping]
Indeed, a new beginning.
[whistle hoots]
[steam whistle blows]
I now declare
that the conquest of the known world
by the rolling barrels of the black stuff
is hereby set in motion!
-[steam hissing]
-[all cheering loudly]
[steam whistle blows]
-[cheering]
-[triumphant music playing]
[marching band playing "Rule Britannia!"]
Edward!
Aye!
["Rule Britannia!" continues]
-[flashbulb cracks]
-[crowd cheering]
[song ends]
[Arthur clears throat]
-That all went very well.
-[Arthur chuckles softly]
And thank you for your kind words.
And your words of intent.
I meant it.
But even though all is tranquil,
I'm afraid later, when everyone's gone,
I need to talk to you.
Brother, I need to talk to you
about New York.
♪ Today was a pretty sh*t day ♪
-♪ Didn't get much done ♪
-["Choose Life" by Shark School playing]
♪ And I haven't got much to say ♪
♪ Didn't have much fun ♪
♪ Today was a pretty sh*t day ♪
♪ I just laid in bed ♪
♪ And I haven't got much to say ♪
♪ I just hate my head ♪
♪ I just hate my head ♪
♪ I just hate my head ♪
♪ I just hate my head ♪
♪ I just hate my head ♪
♪ Choose life ♪
♪ Choose a job ♪
♪ Choose a wife ♪
♪ Choose DIY ♪
♪ Choose your future ♪
♪ Choose your future ♪
♪ Please don't lose her ♪
[song fades]