04x08 - Chapter Thirty-Six

[bunniefuu]

[gasps]

[yells] Jamal!

[both screaming]

- [Monse gasps] Wha... Why are you naked?
- Oh my God!

Why am I naked?

- [breathlessly] I don't know!
- Wait.

Did we smash?

What? No! Gross!

There's not enough alcohol
in the world for you and I to get it in.

- Wha...
- Where is Cesar! Cesar?

I'm guessing he's not here. If he was,
I wouldn't be ba*ls out in his bed.

- What?
- Have you seen my anything?

sh*t.

I have to go. I have a trig test.

Wait, Monse! Did I meet Lil' Ricky?

- [door opens, closes]
- Yes, we all met him!

[screaming, laughing]

Whoo!

[gasps] I met Lil' Ricky!

And I can't remember!

[screaming]

[Ruby] Yes! The car is still here.

[laughing]

[phone ringing]

Hey. What's up?

I don't know, Ruby.

What is up and what's down?

Is the sky blue?
Is my mom the best mom ever?

Is Pharrell a clone?

Does Noel Aroma use toilet paper,

or is his junk just self-cleaning?

I don't know what's real anymore,
so tell me what happened last night!

Y... You don't remember?

Why would I be asking if I remembered?

What was Lil' Ricky like?
What was his vibe?

Was he warm or kind of intimidating?

Was he impressed that we found the money

or mad that we lost it?

I don't know. It didn't come up.

What was he wearing?
I picture him in athleisure.

Jamal! You're worried about sweatpants.
There's bigger sh*t going on.

Abuelita has cancer.

When did she tell you?

She didn't.

You did.

Last night.

sh*t.

It's okay. At... at least now I know.

I'm sorry.

Does Abuelita know that you know
and that I know that you know?

- Seriously?
- Sorry. You're right. I'm sorry.

I'm missing the bigger picture here.
We met Lil' Ricky!

You don't remember anything
from last night, do you?

What do you remember?

Well, we were at the beach...

[gasping cough]

Damn, that sh*t is strong.

Oh, by the way, I met Lil' Ricky.

- I'm sorry.
- What?

Come again?

You met Lil' Ricky?

What? When?

How? Where? Where is he?

- Bakersfield.
- How long has he been there?

No more questions!

We go now to the field of bakers.

I can't drive to Bakersfield.
I only have my permit.

Besides, uh...
I've been drinking. [clears throat]

I can drive.

No! [coughs] You're not insured.

Well, you know what they say.

The gate's already open.
Might as well let the goat out.

Wait.

Goat.

I know who can take us.

♪ Uh, uh, when I say Lil',
you say Ricky! Lil'! ♪

- Ricky.
- ♪ Oh, Lil'! ♪

Okay.

♪ When I say Lil', you say Ricky! Lil'! ♪

♪ Lil'! ♪

- Ricky.
- Ah!

I'm so hype.

I'm so nervous! Hyped! But nervous.
I need a snack ASAP.

[bag crinkling]

Hey. Don't eat that.

I need that for my anxiety.

Hey, if it's good enough for you,
it's good enough for me.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm, mmm, mmm

Oh.

[lips smack] These gummies taste weird.

It's weed.

[grunting]

[panicking] Pull over! Pull over!

I wanna get out!

[muffled screaming]

[distorted] What's up, man? I'm Ricky.

[echoing] You must be Jamal.

[echoing] Jamal? Jamal?

Jamal. I... I gotta go.
I'm getting another call.

- I'll... I'll see you later.
- Wait! Wait!

- [phone disconnects]
- Damn it.

[Ruby] Abuelita?

[clicks tongue] How's my car?

How's your cancer?

[scoffs] Dammit! Jamal!

[Abuelita sighs]

So I have cancer.
It's not like I'm gonna die.

I mean, I am. Someday. But not today.

Well, who else knows?

Besides Jamal, just your father.

And Geny. The twins.

- Mario, the paletero.
- You should have told me.

I didn't want to worry you.

Besides, I'm feeling fine.

Well, I'm not.

I'm not fine with everyone
hiding things from me

in order to protect me.

I don't need protection.

What I need
is people to be honest with me.

Jamal and Jasmine couldn't even admit
they've been hanging out.

And your parents didn't tell you
the medical bills weren't yours.

They were mine.

[inhales] Wait, what?

Mijo, you've had a rough few years.

You didn't need something else to fear.

I am sick and tired
of everyone treating me like I'm fragile.

I'm not a damn kid anymore.

I'm not afraid of anything or anyone.

[sighs]

Fine.

Open the glove compartment.

[Ruby] What am I looking for?

Why do you have
an envelope addressed to me?

Open it.

[paper rustling]

[Jasmine] This is major!

What are you talking about?

Cesar and I got back together?
Where did you hear that?

Straight from the h*'s mouth.
And by h*, I mean Cesar.

He told you that? That's weird.

He didn't tell me. He texted me.

I guess he wanted
to keep his girl's best girl up to date

after he broke up with Vero over text.

Receipts don't lie. Peep it.

A little intimate
for our first one-on-one thread,

but I gotta say, I like the efficiency.

Ooh, these are good texts.

He let her down really easily,
and he used punctuation?

Okay, Cesar 2.0!

Oh sh*t. "I'm still in love with Monse!"

Exclamation point.

sh*t! She left him on read.

Cold, right? That's what I said!
But then he left me on read.

No, this isn't cool.

Not even a tapback.
That is some Cesar 1.0 sh*t.

Well, technically, I'm the other woman.
Even though I got there first.

Oh no.

I need to go see how she's doing.

No, you don't. Just... take a guess.

- It's the right thing to do. Come on.
- No, no, no!

Vero, I'm sorry.
I didn't know Cesar was gonna dump you.

Really? You didn't know?

Can you hold this?

It was wrong of us to hook up.
I thought it was a one-time thing.

- Not that that's an excuse.
- Monse.

I had no idea what happened with Cesar
would turn into something more.

I see. You had no idea.

- Uh, Monse?
- Shh. Not now.

Cesar can't help the way he feels,

and it's better he tells you the truth now
than, you know, string you along.

Trust me, I know exactly what it's like
to be in your position.

Oh, you know what it's like?
That makes me feel so much better.

Society tries to pit women
against each other.

They want you to hate me,
but I don't hate you.

Good to know.

[exhales] I'm so glad
we could have this conversation.

[Vero] Me too.

Monse, neck crank,
turtle mount, gogoplata.

[Monse] What?

I gotta admit,

the necklace completes the ensemble,
but what do you got against sleeves?

My pits need some privacy.
How is this even comfortable?

If you're gonna complain,
you shouldn't have borrowed them.

- Ha. It's not the only thing I borrowed.
- Dude. Are you wearing my underwear?

No. They were too small. [chuckles]

Ha!

I'm free-balling.

So, um... last night,

I didn't... do anything stupid,

or make a fool out of myself
in front of Lil' Ricky, did I?

I think you went on a deep dive
about the zombie apocalypse.

No, like, embarrassing stuff.
What was the first thing he said to me?

- Hi?
- [gasps]

Or maybe he asked if you were high.

- Oh.
- I don't know.

I was dealing with some drama.
I was pretty wasted too.

God! [chuckles]

See, this is why
teenagers shouldn't drink.

Was anyone sober? [exhales]

Gotta go.

- [Jamal] Bye.
- [girl] Oh, they scrappin'!

- Girl fight!
- Vero's fittin' to beat her a*s!

♪ Yeah we turned up and we finna to go ♪

[grunts] Come on!

[grunting]

Girl, tap me in!
Tap me in! I could take her!

It's not your fight.

- Girl, your fight is my fight!
- Not today, but I appreciate that.

And I appreciate you!

Now stand and bang!
Ground and pound! Stop, drop, and roll!

I'm not on fire!

No, no, no. Guys, guys, guys, guys!
Stop! Stop! Stop! Break it up!

Break it up!

No! Stop!

- [grunts]
- [students] Ooh!

Break it... break it up.
Break it up. Break it up.

Detention for everybody
still standing here in five seconds.

Let's go!

You. You.

Principal's office. Now.

[text tone]

[text tone]

[man] You wanna return that text
before you head back?

[Ruby] No.

[ticking]

[Monse sputtering] Maybe it wasn't
a good idea.

I just wanted to have a conversation.
She's the one who threw the first punch.

Good to know.

Wait. Are you mad at me?

Look, I know you were just trying
to be honest,

but maybe give me a heads-up
before you text your girlfriend

that we're getting back together.
Not that I'm not happy about it.

Not that she wouldn't have found out
because let's be honest...

Monse. I didn't text Vero.

You did.

[Jamal groaning] Why am I wet? Ugh.

Dude, you pissed yourself.
We need to change you.

- [Monse laughing]
- Change me?

- I thought you liked me the way I was.
- [Ruby] Ah.

Ew! Oh my...

♪ Patagonia fleece ♪

Vero, if you're not gonna let me talk,
you gotta stop calling.

So can I talk?

[phone disconnects]

I'm done. I can't do this anymore.

It's gonna be okay.

♪ I think I'm bound to be
Some kind of star... ♪

[Ruby] Cesar! A little help?
Jamal's peeing again!

[sighs] Oh God.

- [text tones]
- ♪ Oh oh oh ♪

- [text tone s]
- ♪ What's overhead and in between ♪

♪ I feel divine in my '010 Lexus ♪

♪ I'll drive off
And leave a pearl white streak ♪

Oh sh*t.

- Yeah. She dumped me this morning.
- Oh.

I am so sorry.
I was just trying to clean up your mess.

No, Monse.

You're the mess.

[Jamal] Chivo. Take me to your cousin!

Okay.

I mean it!

Whatever happened last night,
we need a do-over

because I was too high
to remember anything, which is your fault

'cause you gave me those edibles!

No, I didn't. You took them.

What? Don't turn this around on me.

And after all I've done for you.

What have you done for me?

I'm the one asking the questions here.

Where are your keys? Huh?

'Cause we are meeting Lil' Ricky
right now.

[top pops]

Ugh! Fine!

[sighs]

This isn't weed, is it?

No, it's pamplemousse.

Hmm.

[slurping]

You know...

I bet it's for the best.

This way, I can't be disappointed
by who Lil' Ricky really is.

Never meet your heroes, right?

Like this one time,
I was working at Dwayne's,

and this famous singer comes in.

Bought nothing,

blew up the bathroom,

and then bounced.

Ha!

Smelled so bad, we had to close
the restaurant for the rest of the day.

Was it Rihanna?

What?

- No.
- Shakira?

Okay, why do you keep naming
flawless women? I didn't say a gender.

Don't tell me it was Channing Tatum.

He's not even a singer.

- He could be.
- Stop guessing!

My point is

I bet your stupid cousin's a loser
with halitosis and backne.

Nothing wrong with that.

Those are medical conditions,
but I bet he chews with his mouth open.

And... and I bet you the Lil' in Lil' Ricky
isn't even ironic.

He's probably short as sh*t.

- And he probably doesn't even recycle.
- [Lil' Ricky] I recycle.

[Jamal gasps]

Lil' Ricky.

Oh damn.

You gonna say something?

Yes.

Man, forget this.

Sit down!

Please.

On the way over here...

I knew exactly what I wanted to say.

But now... my mind's totally blank.

I know they're transferring you
out of juvie when you turn 18.

I just wanted to talk to you
before it was too late

'cause I knew... if I didn't,

I'd never get this off my chest.

[Ruby exhales]

Everyone in my life
walks on eggshells around me

because of what you did.

They think... I live in fear.

And up until now,

I wasn't sure if they were right.

Maybe they were.

But now that I'm here, looking at you...

I'm realizing...

you were just a kid.

A kid who... who screwed up.

You don't have power over me.

Not anymore.

[inhales]

[exhales deeply]

All right.

That's all I wanted to say.

You think I wanted that power?

I didn't ask for this sh*t.

I didn't ask for any of this.

- Do you know how to use nunchucks?
- No.

- Throwing stars? Bo staffs?
- No.

Seriously? Damn it.

[gasps] Which website
do you get your news from?

The newspaper.

Okay.

If you were stranded on a desert island,
what's the one thing you'd bring?

- A boat.
- Boat's not an option.

I'm sorry. Are these multiple choice?

- Can be. Kehlani or Lizzo?
- I have no idea what you're talking about.

Come on, man!

I'm gonna give you a softball.
I'm gonna lob it right over the plate.

- What's your number?
- Number of women?

Oh! Your phone number!

Look, Jamal, we've been at this
for almost two hours.

- How many more questions do you have?
- Uh, let me see.

[sputtering] I'll move quickly.

[doorbell ringing]

I got it!

Should I skip the section
about his food allergies or blood type?

- No, that's an important one.
- [door opens]

Okay, keep that.

What are you guys doing here?
I didn't radio for backup.

[scoffs] Get over yourself.
We're here to meet Lil' Ricky.

But you did. Last night.

Yeah, on FaceTime.

No, we made a plan
to meet up after school.

And no one thought to inform me?

- Jamal, we did.
- Yeah.

Check your Google Calendar.
We sent the invite.

You should turn on your notifications.
It's under settings.

Okay! Enough chitchat. Let's chop it up.

So, how's life in the Ridge?

- [gasps] Should I start?
- No.

Where's Ruby?

Mm-mm.

Mmm.

I haven't had a Cactus Cooler
since... I was, like, 12.

Actually I think
it was at your birthday party.

Right. [chuckles]

You were there.

I remember 'cause you got me that fake-a*s
Kobe Bryant jersey from the swap meet.

They left the T off the Bryant,
so it just said "Bryan."

Okay. It was... it was either that
or a Magic John jersey.

[Ruby chuckles]

Oh. Um...

I gotta go.

I... I gotta be somewhere.

Wh... Can you...
you stay until I finish this?

Uh...

I can only drink it out here.

So... I looked up
where you're going in NorCal.

It's, like... eight hours away.
Is your mom gonna be able to visit you?

You mean will she start visiting me?

Nah, it's... it's cool.

She got a lot going on.

- I get it.
- [guard] Hey, you need to wrap it up.

Ah.

Hey.

I know this might be weird, but...

is there anything I can do for you?

Can you keep me from turning 18?

[door unlocks]

[buzzing]

[door closes]

[Jamal] And that's basically it.

That's how it all went down
with the RollerWorld money.

[Lil' Ricky] Wow.

So Cuchillos is dead.

Yeah.

And you figured out the map. How?

[chuckles] Your nursery rhymes.

My raps?

Oh, you listened to those. Oh man!

They weren't terrible.

- Oh now, don't lie.
- They were.

You're the worst rapper of all time,

but it's all a part of the legend
that is Lil' Ricky.

Legend.

I'm no legend.

I'm just a guy who stole some money
and buried it in the ground.

I thought it was doing some good,
but... who are we kidding?

I was being selfish.

And it cost me my best friends.

But the way you guys helped Cesar,
now that's legendary.

You guys made it through together.

[Monse] Did we?

I mean, we went two years
without talking to each other.

- And we lost the money.
- Maybe that's a good thing.

- [whispering] Because it's cursed.
- [chuckles]

Maybe. [chuckles]

I don't know.

But what I do know
is that this is the real treasure.

No one's ever gonna mean more to you
than your day ones.

Those friends you knew when you were
still figuring your sh*t out.

I only got one day one left.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long, compa.

I knew you were always looking out for me,

and I was never alone.

Got a lot of lost time to make up for.

Oh.

It's okay. Let it out.

I'm not crying.

Gary is cutting onions.

[Chivo] Who's ready to eat?

Well, it was good to meet you guys.

Hold on to each other.

Just, uh... don't do it naked.

- You told him about that?
- [exhales]

Told him about what?

- That we did it. Sorry, Cesar.
- What?

No. No! We did not do it.

Hold up. You think you boned Monse?

Is this because
you've been feeling her lately?

- Wh... What?
- What?

My p*nis was in retrograde.

[Jamal sputtering]

- Venus... Venus was in retrograde.
- Don't touch me. Don't touch me.

Oh sh*t. I forgot to get a picture
with Lil' Ricky. Ruby, follow me.

[Jamal] Use portrait mode,
and remember the rule of thirds.

Sorry that I made
such a mess for you today.

[sighs]

No, I'm sorry.

Monse... I'm the mess.

What I did to Vero wasn't cool.

It's not on you.

Well, it's on both of us. [scoffs]

Maybe I should be on my own for a while.

Gives us room to be friends, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe it's for the best.

So what do we do now?

No idea.

But we're gonna do it together.

[Jamal] Hmm.

[all laughing]

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

[all chattering]

♪ Oh no, I did it again ♪

♪ I tell the world I'm fine
Never near the edge ♪

♪ And now I'm falling ♪

♪ Too late to tell the truth ♪

♪ Oh no, I did it again ♪

♪ I heard them all too loud
Voices in my head ♪

♪ And now I'm lonely ♪

♪ Someone to tell me they knew ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm caving out ♪

♪ And I just sit back ♪

♪ While I watch me drown ♪

♪ So I'm safe and sound ♪

♪ While I'm in this room ♪

♪ No, it's nothing new ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, oh no ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm caving out ♪

♪ And I just sit back ♪

♪ While I watch me drown ♪